- 4 weeks ago
Herman saves Mrs. Peebles' life by performing CPR after she has a heart attack, but she decides to sue him for breaking her ribs during the process.
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00:00This is Herman Brooks.
00:06Herman is just like the rest of us.
00:09Every day, he has to make all kinds of decisions.
00:13Like what to wear,
00:15whom to date,
00:18and when to panic.
00:21Now, these decisions should be easy.
00:23But if you take a look inside Herman's head,
00:26you'll see why he sometimes has trouble.
00:29Making up his mind.
00:31I'm Herman's intellect.
00:33Without me, he couldn't hold his job,
00:35pay his rent, or tie his shoes.
00:37I'm Herman's sensitivity.
00:39Without me, he wouldn't feel tenderness, honest to your love.
00:41The good things in life.
00:43I'm Herman's anxiety,
00:45and I keep him out of trouble.
00:47And believe me, there's trouble everywhere.
00:49I'm Herman's lust.
00:51Without me, he'd miss out on all the good stuff.
00:53You know, fun, food, babes.
00:55Sometimes they agree.
00:57Usually they don't.
00:59But this struggle is going on inside all of us.
01:03And it's all going on inside Herman's head.
01:07The last night was Mona, who, by the way, lived up to her name.
01:22That is Chastity, who better not live up to her name.
01:26Morning, Mrs. Peebles.
01:28Oh, hey, Mrs. Peebles.
01:29Didn't see you back there.
01:31And tomorrow is Ursula the cop, who comes with her own handcuffs and billy club.
01:36That's the night I resist arrest.
01:38Did it ever occur to anyone that Jay has a problem?
01:41Yes, I think he's obsessed with sex.
01:43Thank God he's obsessed with sex.
01:45It'll keep his mind off his problem.
01:47Then a week from next Thursday, I got...
01:49Naomi.
01:51Very good chance of horizontitude.
01:53Easy, Jay.
01:55What?
01:56Well, the sex may be turning into a problem.
01:58Who the hell has a problem with too much sex?
02:00I do.
02:01It's a genuine addiction.
02:03I was hooked for years.
02:05Had to have it five times a day.
02:08I finally had to go cold turkey.
02:11I got a bad ticker.
02:12The doctor said if I kept up that pace...
02:15Kapowee!
02:16I could go out with a bang and a whimper.
02:19Oh, well, have a good one.
02:22Well, there you go.
02:24I mean, there I go.
02:25I think I'm addicted to sex.
02:27Hey, they say it's possible.
02:29What's possible?
02:30I can't believe you'd buy into that.
02:31Buy into what?
02:32The whole concept.
02:33This laughable.
02:34I can use a laugh.
02:35Maybe, but Mrs. Peebles takes the concept pretty seriously.
02:37Mrs. Peebles from accounting?
02:39Herm, a middle-aged accountant doing it five times a day is a serious concept.
02:45Research.
02:46Hi, Hermen, it's Louise.
02:47What the hell are you guys talking about?
02:51Louise, this is not your problem.
02:53Okay, so you admit it's a problem.
02:56Ah, come on, Jay.
02:57Problems are my specialty.
02:58You name it, I've had it.
03:00What's failing ya?
03:02Hermen thinks I'm a sex addict.
03:04Can't help ya.
03:06Look, Jay, don't get me wrong.
03:08I'm all for sex.
03:09Sex is great, but I think you have a problem.
03:11Wait a minute.
03:12So you have sex with lots of women.
03:13What do you get out of it?
03:14Sex with lots of women.
03:16What do they get out of it?
03:18Sex with me.
03:19Oh, you don't have a problem at all.
03:21They have the problem.
03:23You want to tell me what this coffee clash is all about?
03:26Um...
03:27Hermen thinks Jay's a sex addict.
03:28Jay doesn't buy it.
03:29And Mrs. Peebles gets it five times a day.
03:32Sweet little Mrs. Peebles from accounting.
03:35Hermen, I'm surprised at you for spreading that kind of rumor.
03:38By the way, I belong to a support group for sex addicts.
03:41We meet every Thursday.
03:44Drop by.
03:45Just to talk about your problem.
03:47Hello, Paul.
03:49That suit fits you very well.
03:54Can I talk to the two of you out in the hall, please?
03:58Five times a day and she's still in accounting?
04:03Mrs. Peebles, there seems to be a misunderstanding.
04:05I am not a sex addict.
04:07I'm a guy.
04:08You see the difference?
04:11Could you go a full day without sex?
04:13Of course I could.
04:15We're talking about sex with somebody else, right?
04:19Jay, you have to admit, sex is the focus of your life.
04:23It's not the focus of my life.
04:28It's a large part, yes.
04:31Hang on one sec.
04:33Oh dear.
04:35He has a serious problem.
04:36Well, I don't know if it's serious yet.
04:37I do know if Jay goes three days without a woman and he gets the shakes.
04:41Not bad, huh?
04:43Well, I think you might be overreacting slightly.
04:46Mrs. Peebles?
04:47Oh, swell.
04:48It's a heart attack.
04:49Come on, we know CPR.
04:50Let's give her mouth to mouth.
04:51Mouth to mouth.
04:52I'm your man.
04:53Someone call 911.
04:54Come on, Mrs. Peebles, breathe.
04:55Breathe.
04:56Mrs. Peebles, can you hear me?
04:57Oh, thank God.
04:58Herman, don't encourage her.
05:01I still can't believe it, Herman.
05:02You actually saved her life.
05:15Oh, it was just a natural reaction, Louise.
05:18It was just lucky I took that CPR course back in Ohio.
05:20And that's your problem.
05:22The New York CPR is different.
05:23Here, you live!
05:25It's a miraculous one half before you Vide welcomes.
05:27your problem. The New York CPR is different. Here, you bend down, tilt their head back,
05:32and gently ask, have you promised your apartment to anyone? Knock off the chatter. Herman,
05:40I'm sorry I misread what was going on out there with Mrs. Peoples. What you did was extraordinary,
05:46son. Mr. Waterton himself just called to say you should be rewarded. That's not necessary.
05:53Those were my words, exactly. Nonetheless, I'm proud of what you did, but not surprised.
06:00That's the kind of young man you are. God, I hate it when she gets a swelled head.
06:10Herman, I heard you saved Mrs. Peoples' life, man. Nice going. Yeah, well, someone had to do it.
06:16Where'd you go, anyway? Oh, I, uh, got lucky with that girl in a green dress. Good choice.
06:21Well, well, Jay, but you already, yeah, where? In the coffee room. Someone just started circulating
06:31these ten bucks without the picture of your butt. I can't believe this. Oh, she's right, Herm.
06:38That's my fanny. See you, little mole? And you don't have a problem, huh? No. Look, Herm,
06:45I'm practicing safe sex. I'm not hurting anyone, and this was done on recycled paper.
06:50Hey, do what you want. Just remember, any habit can turn into a sickness.
06:55Herman, Lou Gehrig's disease is a sickness. What do you call enjoying lots of sex?
06:59Well, Chamberlain's disease.
07:03Stacy, pal, a little envious. I'll catch you later.
07:07He's in total denial. We have to help him.
07:09What can we do for him? We can encourage him to get involved in that sex addict support group.
07:14Hey, what are we talking about? We're talking about making Jay join a group that's going to
07:18stop him from having lots of sex.
07:25Not really. What are we talking about?
07:28Jay, all I'm saying is going to the sex addicts group couldn't hurt.
07:33Oh, Herman, don't bother Jay. Can't you see he's perfectly happy?
07:37Thank you, Louise.
07:38And he'll lead a perfectly happy life. He will continue to use one woman after another and
07:43throw them out like so much old fruit. And in the end, he'll be another lonely,
07:47saggy, single guy with nothing to show for his life except some memories. And even those will fade.
07:53That's where you're wrong, Louise. I got pictures.
07:59You're pathetic.
08:02Okay, okay, when is this sex support thing? Tomorrow night. Hell, I'll even go with you.
08:12Fine, I'll do it. But it's so stupid, Herm. I don't need help.
08:16And every day, I still fight the urge to grab a total stranger and have relentless, filthy sex with him.
08:23Thank you for helping me, Herman.
08:32Obviously, this obsession puts a serious strain on your work.
08:36Well, yes, I'm an attorney and sometimes I can't concentrate in court.
08:39I'm too busy having erotic fantasies about every man in the room.
08:43Remind me to go settle that traffic ticket.
08:45Try to take this seriously, will you?
08:54We have hit the motherland!
09:03Well, that's all I wanted to say.
09:07Who would like to go next?
09:10Yes, what would you like to discuss?
09:12Well, actually, I'd like to get back to her problem.
09:15These fantasies of yours, are they limited to men in the legal profession,
09:18or do you ever find yourself thinking about doing it with, say, uh, writers?
09:22I don't know. I guess I could.
09:25Have you ever done a human sandwich?
09:27Jay, I think you're missing the point.
09:29Actually, I have.
09:35Really?
09:38Were you the bread or the meat?
09:42Would one of you care to stand and speak?
09:44Yes, glad to. Glad to. Um, my name is...
09:47Excuse me, but in this program we prefer not to use our names.
09:51Oh, okay. Uh, I'll just use my first initial.
09:54I'm Jay.
09:55Okay. My phone number is 212-555.
10:01What would you like to discuss?
10:03Well, I also find that I need sexual gratification constantly.
10:09Um, I wish I didn't.
10:13God, I wish I didn't. Um, I...
10:17I just, uh, I need help. You know?
10:22Uh-uh.
10:25Jay.
10:27Jay knocked it off.
10:38Hi, everybody.
10:39Sorry I'm late.
10:41Are you all right?
10:42Oh, just a little mishap.
10:44I suffered a slight heart attack at work a few days ago.
10:48Oh, luckily I was standing with a young man who gave me CPR.
10:52He broke a couple of ribs, but he saved my life.
10:55And here he is, folks. This is him. This is the guy who saved her life.
10:58Oh, great. Now they know our face, and everyone in this room thinks we're a sexual deviant, too.
11:03It is better to be known as a deviant than never to have known deviance at all.
11:18Oh, Herman, you came.
11:20Jay came.
11:21No, this is for him.
11:24I'm... I'm not over-sexed.
11:26I'm not under-sexed. I'm...
11:28...perfectly sexed.
11:31And I'm just here to help.
11:32Why don't we take a short break and reconvene in ten minutes?
11:40Hi, Herman. How's it going?
11:41Hey, Louise, what are you doing here?
11:43I'm having a meeting down the hall with my virgin support group.
11:49I stopped by to see if the sex addicts want to play us in volleyball after their meeting.
11:53The agoraphobics didn't show.
11:57How's Jay doing?
11:59Well, I got him here. From now on, he's on his own.
12:01Four times a day? That's terrible.
12:04Have you made your quota yet?
12:08Oh, well, Herman, I guess getting Jay to cut out sex was kind of a lost cause.
12:12Yeah, I suppose.
12:13So why are you doing this for him?
12:15Well, I don't know, Louise. I've just always believed if you do something for someone else,
12:18it might come back around in the end.
12:20Oh, here you are, Herman.
12:22Danielle and I were just talking about what you did to me.
12:25Please, it was nothing.
12:26Well, she doesn't think so.
12:28Oh, really?
12:29That's right. I've advised my client to sue you for breaking her ribs.
12:33Well, I...
12:40I can't believe Mrs. Peebles is suing you, Herman. She seems like such a nice lady.
12:44She is a nice lady. She just got coerced by a sleazy lawyer.
12:48But you are saving her life. What does that lawyer think she can sue you for?
12:51Anyone could sue anyone for any fool, Louise. If you wanted, you could sue me for...
12:55for having blonde hair.
12:56On what grounds?
12:58Fraud.
13:01I hope she reams you, serves you right to be too stupid to look the other way.
13:05What are you saying? I should have let her die?
13:06Herman, how many times do I have to tell you? This is New York, not Ohio. Watch this.
13:11Take another iced tea when you get a chance?
13:18From friend A?
13:19Hi, I'll take a burger, a medium rare, and a beer.
13:24Hey, guys.
13:24Hi, Jay. How's the sex addicts group going?
13:27It's going well. Very well indeed. I mean, I only started it yesterday,
13:31but I am proud to announce that I haven't had sex in 12 hours.
13:35You had sex after the meeting last night?
13:37Jay, I can't believe it. You slept with a woman from your sex addicts group?
13:44No, I slept with a woman from your virgin support group.
13:52I think your name was Denise?
13:54Not Denise. She was my last partner.
13:59It's no big deal, Louise. It was over like that.
14:02Well, at least her first time was special.
14:03And you call this going very well. I'd hate to see you on a binge.
14:08Herman, when are you going to learn to stay out of other people's problems?
14:12You're only going to get burned.
14:13Look, I am not going to get burned, Hedy. And I'll tell you something else.
14:16I am not going to get sued. Now, I still believe there are a lot of decent people around,
14:20and Mrs. Peebles is one of them. So if you want to be a jaded New Yorker, fine. That's you.
14:24That is not me.
14:25That's him.
14:26Dear God, she's suing me for all I've got.
14:34That does it.
14:35Today, we are a New Yorker.
14:36Hey, hey, watch it.
14:37Hey, you. I'm standing here. I'm standing here.
14:40I'm having degrees in this freaking brain.
14:42Who are you calling a mook?
14:46Yeah, is this Narboni and slug legal advice at a cozy price?
14:50No, I haven't lost a limb or a digit, but I do have a finger right here for you. Now,
14:57just put a lawyer on the phone.
15:01Herman, line two. It's Evelyn from the PBS station returning your call.
15:05Hello, Evelyn. Just a couple of weeks ago, I phoned in a pledge for $10.
15:10Well, you're not getting it, babe. I'm keeping the free tote bag.
15:16Hey, what is the holdup?
15:19It's so weird seeing Herman be a typical New Yorker.
15:22Oh, yeah. He really sells it.
15:24Kind of like watching Akron Community Theater do Goodfellas.
15:29Fine, Mr. Flogg. You're hired.
15:31Yeah, that's right. Be in my deposition tomorrow at 10 o'clock.
15:36What do you mean all fees up front? What's your fee?
15:39What? You call that price cozy? You bottom-feeding son of a bitch. You're fired.
15:46Hey, this is kind of fun.
15:49Herman. Later, Louise.
15:51I think you're taking Honey's advice too literally.
15:53Buzz off, will ya?
15:54Hey, I'm cute as a button. Don't talk to me like that.
15:58I'm sorry, Louise. I'm a little tense, okay? I've never been sued before.
16:03Don't worry, Herman. Mrs. Peebles isn't gonna get anything from you. You aren't with Disney.
16:09Hey, Herman. Oh, Jay, I need you to...
16:11What's with the lollipops?
16:13Oh, it's to help take my mind off my problem. I'm supposed to pop one of these in my mouth every time I feel the urge to have sex.
16:18Why do you have two in your mouth?
16:21I just passed those twins for marketing.
16:24Look, I want you to give a deposition for me tomorrow. 10 o'clock, out in the hall where it all happened.
16:3010 o'clock, gotcha.
16:33So, what time do you want me to be there?
16:3710, Jay.
16:38I'll be there, buddy. If I'm, uh, late, I'm not the dentist.
16:46Come on. I have to change around some shelves in my office. You want to step inside and give me a hand?
16:51Who do I look like? Bob Vela?
16:52Pardon?
16:58Suppose I help you put up the shelves. Then suppose they crash down on your body so it's mangled and crushed beyond recognition. How do I know you won't sue me? Huh? Huh?
17:06Okay, calm down. Don't let this lawsuit rattle you.
17:10Right. Calm down.
17:12Now, do you have a lawyer?
17:13I just fired him. The blood-sucking piece of sewage-bewing, Herman!
17:18Easy, easy.
17:19Wait a minute, Mr. Bracken. You know some law, don't you?
17:24Well, I don't like to brag, but I know everything.
17:32Okay, what number am I thinking?
17:34Seven.
17:40Damn, he does know everything.
17:42Oh, forget it. I'll be my own lawyer.
17:45Herman, you're going to need a clear thinking.
17:47Okay, and judging from the foam around the corners of your mouth, you don't really qualify.
17:53I'm sorry, Mr. Bracken. Please be my lawyer.
17:55Well, I'd be glad to, Herman.
17:59Nineteen.
18:01Oh!
18:01It's eerie.
18:12Now, remember, Herman, I'll simply ask you what happened, and you answer me in plain English.
18:18And don't worry. This is a deposition, not a trial.
18:21Right.
18:22Then again, I'm a fact-checker, not a lawyer. You may get your ass kicked.
18:25Hello, Jay. You're looking very dapper this morning.
18:32Here. Suck on this.
18:36Hi, remember me. I'm Jay. I'm the...
18:38I'm glad to see you're working on your problem.
18:41I tried, Herman. I really tried, but I have to accept it.
18:44I'm the pig who sleeps with lots of women.
18:46I stopped sleeping with lots of women, and I'm just a pig.
18:48All right, let's get started.
18:54Now, we're having this deposition here so that, if need be, we can recreate the alleged act exactly as it happened.
19:00Oh, boy! Can I play Herman?
19:03Louise, Herman is playing Herman.
19:06Why does he always get to play Herman?
19:09Now, Mrs. Peebles, explain, if you will, what happened on the morning of August 8th.
19:13Well, I was standing right there, talking with Herman, when I felt a pain in my chest.
19:19And what happened next?
19:20Well, my next recollection is of Herman placing his mouth on mine in a deep, penetrating kiss.
19:28That's a lie.
19:29Then he began to fondle my chest.
19:31Another lie.
19:32Then he broke three ribs.
19:35Well, you got me there.
19:38Thank you, Mrs. Peebles.
19:40We'll now hear the testimony of Jay Nichols.
19:43Yes!
19:47Jay, tell us what transpired on the morning in question.
19:50Sure.
19:51Mrs. Peebles had a heart attack, then Herman gave her mouth-to-mouth, then chest compression, and that seemed to do the trick.
19:57And where were you when this happened?
19:59Uh, by that time, I was in the coffee room getting collated.
20:04Then how could you have witnessed it?
20:06I didn't witness it.
20:07Then how do you know what happened?
20:08Herman told me.
20:10If he says it happened, I believe him.
20:13I said he was a friendly witness.
20:15I forgot he was also a stupid one.
20:18We'll now hear the testimony of Herman Brooks.
20:22Herman, Herman, he's our man if he can do it!
20:24Harris!
20:26I'm going to send you to your desk.
20:28We're sorry, Mr. Bracken.
20:32Herman, tell us what happened in your own words.
20:34Well?
20:36All right, all right.
20:37I think it's best if you let me present our case logically, calmly, and with dignity.
20:43You make me sick!
20:46You feel over with a heart attack.
20:48I save your life, and this is how you repay me.
20:50I didn't have to give you mouth-to-mouth.
20:51I didn't want to give you mouth-to-mouth, but I did it anyway.
20:54Oh, Herman.
20:54Oh, yeah, yeah, fine.
20:56Don't believe me.
20:57Let me tell you something, ladies and gentlemen of the jury.
20:59Herman, there is no jury.
21:00Oh, can I play, ladies and gentlemen of the jury?
21:03Louise!
21:05Let me tell you one thing.
21:08I'd think twice before I took the word of a raging sex maniac!
21:15Oh, no.
21:16Oh, let her die.
21:18Let her die.
21:18It's obviously God's will.
21:21No, we have to save her.
21:22We have to give her the Heimlich.
21:24Quick, grab her from behind.
21:25All right.
21:30Oh.
21:32Oh, Herman.
21:34What would I do without you?
21:36You'd die, Mrs. Peebles.
21:39That's true.
21:40Oh, I'm sorry for what I put you through.
21:44Thank you for saving my life, Herman.
21:46I'm going to tell my lawyer to drop the lawsuit.
21:50Herman, you're just going to have to face it.
21:53You're a good guy.
21:54Oh, thank you, Mr. Brackett.
21:56Can I have the day off?
21:57No.
21:59But you said I was a good guy.
22:00You are.
22:01I, however, am a son of a bitch.
22:07You take half an hour.
22:16So let me get this straight.
22:19I'm the meat?
22:19You're just moments away from the series premiere of the comedy Entertainment Weekly called
22:31One of the Best Debut Shows of the Year, Flying Glide.
22:35And Wednesday, when Brenda spills secrets about the gang, she could lose every friend she has
22:41on an all-new 90210, followed by an all-new Melrose Place.
22:46Stay tuned for Flying Glide.
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