- 13 hours ago
TV, Movie, 3rd Rock from the Sun S01 E12 - Frozen Dick
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TVTranscript
00:00Hey, guess what, you guys? I got a new job.
00:03Another job? Where?
00:04At Gung Ho Videos.
00:06My command of the vernacular impressed both Mr. Gung and Mr. Hook.
00:10Congratulations, sir!
00:13It's freezing out here. Dick, can we go inside now?
00:15No, we're here to experience everything on this planet, even the uncomfortable parts.
00:19I have some very uncomfortable parts.
00:22Yeah, they said on the news that the dew point is dropping.
00:25What does that mean?
00:26I don't know. It just caught my attention because it sounded kind of dirty.
00:30Why do humans spend so much time worrying about the weather that they can't go 15 minutes without getting an
00:35update?
00:36Don't these people have windows?
00:38I cannot do a book report out here, Dick. My fingers are going numb. Can we please go inside now?
00:43Absolutely not. This is research. No one goes in without a damn good reason.
00:54Does anyone remember what color our napkins are?
00:57I think I...
01:00As many intelligent people know, aliens are all around us.
01:04This is the story of four such explorers.
01:35This is the story of four such explorers.
01:38Oh, I am freezing.
01:40Why don't you wear a longer skirt?
01:42With these legs? I don't think so.
01:46Pick up my tickets?
01:47Yes, and your reservation for your hotel in Chicago.
01:50There's your itinerary.
01:51Oh, Nina, I can't believe this is happening to me.
01:54Not every anthropologist receives this kind of honor.
01:58I've worked my entire life for this award.
02:00I know, the Louis Leakey Award.
02:02To stand in front of a conference of educators
02:05and express my thoughts about my work.
02:07This is going to be the best weekend of my life.
02:11Why are you looking at me that way?
02:12Uh, no reason.
02:13Dr. Roblox! Dr. Roblox!
02:15Dr. Roblox, guess what?
02:16You and I are on the same flight.
02:18Same road, side by side, strapped in at 38,000 feet.
02:22Isn't that great?
02:26Why are you going to the conference?
02:28Oh, they're giving me some kind of academic award.
02:30You know, they hand these things out like candy mints.
02:33Once we get that out of the way,
02:34the two of us get to experience the magic that is Chicago.
02:38Well, once again, something wonderful in my life
02:42has been turned into a giant crap fest.
02:45What's the matter?
02:47I guess she's just saving up her excitement for the crap fest.
02:51You just don't get it, do you?
02:53What do you mean?
02:54There are people who have stress
02:55and people who give stress.
02:57And you are a giver.
02:59Well, that's nonsense.
03:02Dr. Solomon?
03:03Well, come in, Leon.
03:05Come in, come in, come in, come in.
03:06All the way in.
03:07Can I have the weekend to turn in my paper?
03:11Leon, do you find that I cause you stress?
03:14Oh, did someone say I said that?
03:15No.
03:16It's all a misunderstanding.
03:17I love physics.
03:18I find it very soothing.
03:19I don't know what you've heard.
03:20Please don't fail me.
03:22I'll turn the paper in my Friday.
03:23No, Leon!
03:25That was a stress reaction, wasn't it?
03:27Yes, it was.
03:28Dr. Leon, you've opened my eyes.
03:31I'm going to make sure that Dr. Albright's weekend
03:33is stress-free, hassle-free,
03:35and completely without unpleasantness.
03:37Oh, you're not going?
03:46Oh, Tommy, what are you doing here?
03:48I thought you had that book report due on Dickens.
03:51Yeah, I was doing it, and it was so boring,
03:53and I realized I could save myself a lot of work
03:55if I just watched the movie.
03:56I can't believe no kid ever thought of this before.
04:00Well, I'll help you as soon as I'm done
04:02reorganizing this place.
04:03Why?
04:04What was wrong with it?
04:04Oh, it was a mess.
04:05Everything was just lumped together, you know?
04:07All the A's, all the B's.
04:1226 unrelated categories, except for X,
04:14which has its own room.
04:17Well, how does it work now?
04:18Oh, things are much simpler now.
04:20Look, good movies.
04:24Bad movies.
04:27Movies I haven't seen.
04:31Oh, pardon me.
04:32Where could I find aliens?
04:37Nowhere.
04:39Not here, that's for sure.
04:42Nobody here but us humans.
04:45La, la, la.
04:46La, la, la, la.
04:51Stop looking at me.
04:55I really think this trip is such a good idea, Dick.
04:57Chicago's really far,
04:58and I saw on TV something about a low-pressure front moving in.
05:01Low pressure?
05:02That's exactly what Dr. Albright needs.
05:05There she is now.
05:06Look, this doesn't feel right to me, Dick.
05:08I mean, separating from the unit for an entire weekend is madness.
05:11As first officer in charge of security, I forbid it.
05:13I'm high commander, and I'm going.
05:16Come on, why?
05:17Lieutenant, don't worry.
05:19I prepared for every eventuality.
05:21I think you're taking this far too lightly.
05:23You've never traveled here before.
05:25Huh?
05:25How do you know what to pack?
05:26How will I reach you in Chicago?
05:28I'm taking the phone.
05:29You know the number.
05:32Wait, why are you taking refrigerator magnets?
05:34Chicago, the windy city.
05:37I think it's obvious.
05:39Wait, what do you mean?
05:41Okay, let's say an urgent message comes in for Dr. Albright,
05:44and she's out sightseeing.
05:45I lay it on the nightstand,
05:46because I have no way of securing it to a metallic surface.
05:49A gust of wind.
05:51Blows it under the bed,
05:52and Mary never discovers her long-lost identical twin,
05:55all for want of a magnetic banana.
05:59Now that's exactly the kind of needless agitation that I intend to prevent.
06:04Understood.
06:05Travel well, commander.
06:06I shall return.
06:19What are you doing?
06:22I'm entering the pod.
06:24For God's sakes, just sit down and behave yourself.
06:27Well, of course, I will, Mary.
06:29Here I am, sitting.
06:30You just be calm.
06:31Take a deep breath.
06:34Welcome to Northview Airlines, flight 604 to Chicago.
06:37Oh, my God.
06:38Out there, there's something in the wind.
06:44It's an engine.
06:45Oh, this thing is a death trap.
06:47Sky waitress, sky waitress.
06:49Please be quiet during safety procedures.
06:52Safety?
06:52From this flying donkey cart that's rich.
06:55How can this woman stay calm
06:56when at any second we could go careening out of the sky
06:59in a flaming heap of twisted metal?
07:01I don't think he's going to be just...
07:02At least give her a gelatin-filled helmet to keep her brain intact.
07:05She's receiving an award.
07:08Please, sit down.
07:09No!
07:10We're getting off!
07:11Who's with me?
07:13Has he never been kicked off a plane before?
07:16Be grateful it was still on the ground.
07:17The police told me you were afraid to fly.
07:20Only on airplanes.
07:22Instead of a 45-minute flight, I have a seven-hour drive.
07:24Don't worry.
07:25I've anticipated your needs,
07:26and I'm ready to fill the remaining six hours and 50 minutes
07:29with mirth and merriment.
07:30I brought Mad Libs.
07:32Okay.
07:33I need the name of someone in the room.
07:37Dick.
07:38Dick.
07:41This is funny already.
07:45Look, it's starting to snow.
07:48Oh, my God.
07:49It doesn't matter.
07:50Haven't you ever seen a snowflake before?
07:51Yes.
07:52I prayed I'd never see them again.
07:54Turn on the high beams.
07:55They fear the light.
08:06Where can I find remains of the day?
08:08Oh, uh, that would be in the I didn't see it section.
08:16Well, I finally found what I was looking for.
08:18David Copperfield.
08:20You know, it doesn't look boring.
08:21He saws himself in half and makes the Statue of Liberty disappear.
08:26Oh, hey, look out the window.
08:31They're here!
08:33They're here!
08:34Albino brain checkers!
08:35Cover your ears!
08:36Hurry!
08:37Hurry!
08:37It's snow!
08:38Snow!
08:39Oh.
08:39I learned it in science class.
08:41Come on outside with me and I'll show you how to write your name in it.
08:50Oh, my God.
08:52It's covering everything.
08:55The whole town is being obliterated.
08:59Hello?
09:01I'm up here!
09:02I'm up here!
09:03I'm up here!
09:05Oh.
09:07Uh, okay.
09:08I know the term paper's late, but my car was...
09:11Who cares?
09:11You're alive.
09:14You're alive!
09:15Who are you?
09:16Oh, uh, I'm a student of Dr. Solomon's.
09:19My name's Leon.
09:20I'm a sister of Dr. Solomon's.
09:21My name's Sally.
09:22Yeah, I know.
09:23I saw you one day when you dropped off his lunch.
09:26And then you went to the dry cleaners.
09:28And then to the shoe repair place.
09:30And then the car wash.
09:32But then you went home and read a book by the window for three hours.
09:37I remember that day.
09:39Listen, Leon, I don't want to freak you out or anything,
09:41but I think the Earth is spiraling out of the sun's orbit
09:43and we're heading for a new ice age.
09:45Oh.
09:47Uh, did they say that on the news?
09:51No, no, no.
09:51But trust me, I've seen this happen before.
09:53We could be the last two creatures on Earth.
09:55Oh, well, I don't know about that.
09:57Our first responsibility is to breed.
09:59We must, must copulate as much as we can.
10:09I didn't see any people on the way over.
10:12How are we supposed to do it with the lights out?
10:19A boy like that will kill your brother.
10:40I don't like that.
10:42I don't know.
10:53I don't know.
10:53I don't know.
10:53I don't win with that.
10:59But I don't know.
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