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Tv, Allo Allo S3E03 - The Sausage in the Wardrobe
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00:00The End
00:30oh are you by any chance curious to know why I am looking through this kill in
00:39that room is madame Lenar of the bride's Parisienne boutique which is a very
00:45grand name for one room above the iron monger my wife Edith is still determined
00:51to marry me so madame Lenar is showing her some little items of lingerie for
00:55our wedding night the reason I was looking through the key all is that
00:58madame Lenar herself is modeling a transparent nightgown and she is very
01:04well arranged the day of the wedding has not yet been fixed and so I am a free
01:10man unless of course I am arrested by the colonel for stealing the sausage
01:14containing the priceless painting the title of which you know full well but I
01:20will just remind myself of it
01:23oh my god then Klump would have run out of paint
01:29the priceless painting itself is even as I speak on its way to the chateau with Maria
01:36for lieutenant Gruber to copy it because he has artistic leanings in fact lieutenant Gruber is a very long way from the perpendicular
01:45I have been selecting for her wedding night some lovely surprises oh madame Lenar some beautiful things under the counter
01:57yes she had some pretty good things above the counter
02:03something terrible has happened I followed Maria as you told me she has been arrested by the personal guard of General von Klinkerhofen
02:09oh my god what will happen to her oh she has nothing to be afraid of she is just a slip of a girl
02:15well not such a slip concealed among her bosom is the cannot quest belonging to the colonel containing a real painting
02:23oh is the torture she may reveal all our secrets oh my god my aunt my coat oh my grave René
02:31he is going to rescue her are you mad I am going to stay with my cousin in Bordeaux
02:37he has a loft I can hide in it until the end of the war stay where you are coward how dare you think I'm leaving
02:47is this how you want to be remembered I do not wish to be remembered at all tell them you've never heard of me
02:53stay where you are until you come to your senses
02:57René what's going on uh my wife was just proposing to me
03:03I'll come here come yes yes hmm we are we have had news from Helga that
03:12Herflick is looking for his sausage
03:14Lieutenant Ruben has been sent to get it
03:16you did not tell Gruber where it was did you well well he threatened to take away
03:21my livelihood by driving a tank through my cafe threaten to drive a tank through
03:25your cafe the German spine
03:29but you held out well he threatened to shoot my dear wife that was when I cracked
03:37oh René
03:38so you gave it to him well I did not actually give it to him I sent it to
03:42Lieutenant Gruber so that he could copy it and give it back to you the copy will go to
03:46Herflick and then we are all in the clear and Gruber will want a piece of the action
03:50there is one snag colonel the sausage was sent with Maria who has just been captured by General
03:57von Klinkerofen she had the sausage strapped across her bosom any minute now he may get
04:02his hands on it
04:05if Maria cracks under the interrogation the General will arrest René and if he cracks
04:10under interrogation he will reveal that you gave him the painting to hide and you will be on the carpet
04:15dead
04:16you are right we will shoot René now and stop the lot
04:20thank you Edith
04:21if you shoot René then also you will have to shoot me
04:25could you shoot her first she is causing a lot of trouble
04:28head up
04:37the French girl is outside are you ready to interview her
04:42yes does she give any explanation for her presence
04:45she said she came to see Lieutenant Gruber your ADC
04:49bring her in and send for Lieutenant Gruber
04:50yes sir General in here
04:52you are trembling
05:14do not be afraid of me
05:18I am not a monster
05:20what is your name
05:22you were found snooping around the grounds of my headquarters
05:28what were you doing there
05:29General I had a rendezvous with Lieutenant Gruber
05:32most unlikely story
05:34but we should be able to verify this I have sent for him
05:38you have very small feet
05:47yes General
05:49hmm highly big enough to support the rest of you
05:53take off your coat and your hat
05:57I am cold
06:00I was rather mean as I am
06:02do not defy me girl or things will not go away for you
06:04I am reluctant
06:05get them off
06:06do you hear me get them off
06:07no more
06:10come in and shut the door
06:15this girl tells me that she came to see you
06:21did you order a girl
06:23no I don't think so
06:24do not be afraid to own up
06:27it is war time and we are the conquerors
06:30we all have our needs
06:31he not did this
06:32I see
06:36there really is nothing straightforward about you Gruber
06:39is there
06:39no you misunderstand General
06:44no it was necessary for her to conceal the knuckwurst in this fashion
06:50in case
06:51the hungry French peasants fell upon her and devoured it
06:56you were of course going to present it to me
06:59knowing my taste for such things
07:00and hoping no doubt to ingratiate yourself with me
07:02you have got it in one
07:04give it to me girl
07:06shall I take it and hang it for you in the kitchen
07:14no you will not
07:15my my it is a whopper
07:18ah it is only the little swastika
07:22what a thoughtful touch
07:24what are you going to do with it
07:26the kitchen staff are worse than rats
07:28they eat everything
07:29I shall hang it in my wardrobe to mature
07:31you may go Gruber
07:40ah what about the girl
07:44do you have a use for her
07:45nothing I can think of no
07:47it occurs to me is that some French peasants
07:52have stolen the murder of my moor
07:54let it be known that when the murder is returned
07:57I will release the girl
07:59go into the bedroom
08:05you may lie down there
08:12no not on the bed
08:17on the mat
08:18lonely fronds
08:25do not push your luck
08:27I am here mama
08:43I am here
08:44I have been selecting some lovely things
08:46for my wedding night
08:48oh for your wedding to Monsieur Alphonse
08:52no mama
08:53I am going to marry René
08:55René
08:56no no no
08:57no it is
08:58no no
08:59come here
08:59come here
09:00sit down
09:01now
09:02do not do this thing
09:05he is a no good bum
09:07but mama
09:10I love him
09:11and he is hiding
09:12we know not where
09:13a flick of the Gestapo
09:15is looking for him
09:16Gestapo
09:18poof
09:20oh of course the nobs
09:22the nobs
09:23the nobs
09:24the fleshy nobs
09:25whoo
09:26what is this old bat doing in my bed
09:34this old bat is hiding from the Gestapo
09:36this old bat is hiding from the Gestapo
09:38Gestapo
09:41it's a wireless
09:46attendant Nighthawk has migrated
09:49oh you have the liver of a lily
09:52I will get the British Airmen to help
09:54hello
09:58why are they
09:59oh the thing's going
10:00glad we have a ride faster
10:01it's longer
10:02hello Nighthawk
10:03hello Nighthawk
10:04hello Nighthawk
10:15hello Nighthawk
10:16I'm the Airmen with you
10:18over
10:19yes they are both here beside me
10:21over
10:22I am here the commanding officer
10:24put them on the van
10:26over
10:27over
10:29here
10:30oh
10:31hello
10:33hello
10:35Fairfax here
10:36hello Fairfax
10:37we've come on to Hargreaves here
10:39it's Randy Hargreaves
10:41hello sir
10:42hello
10:43is there any chance of you two getting back
10:47we're getting a bit short of pilots
10:50the resistance are planning to find an old crate from the museum
10:54they're going to put a motor mower engine in it
10:57a motor mower engine?
10:59is it reliable?
11:00well he drove a bath chair to the hat shop yesterday
11:03how for?
11:04I suppose a couple of hundred yards
11:06oh well
11:07we won't count on you then
11:08good luck
11:09over and out
11:10oh
11:11it is
11:12the police are here
11:13the police?
11:14the police?
11:15the police?
11:16police?
11:17back back
11:18get there
11:19no it is
11:20it is
11:21it is not the real police
11:22it is that English idiot who thinks he can't speak French
11:25oh
11:26good morning
11:31I have come to arrest your mither
11:35arrest her mither?
11:36why?
11:37what has she done?
11:38she has been pissing fudged banknotes
11:40in your picture
11:41what does cracktree say in it?
11:43what does cracktree say in it?
11:46i think he means she has been passing forged banknotes in the action
11:51but seriously
11:52he did?
11:53remind him he is supposed to be on our side
11:57who is the ugly old bog in the bed beside your mither?
12:01i have been asking the same question
12:03i have been asking the same question
12:04i have been asking the same question
12:06it is i, Rene
12:08i did that was a god de skeeze
12:11i was completely deceived by the wog
12:14Edith, give him 500 francs from the till and tell him to pass off
12:24there is no need to be road
12:25ah yes
12:26this was taken last year at the gestapo holiday camp
12:37see they all wear black leather bathing shorts
12:41some of them fit very well
12:46here we are doing the leapfrog
12:50oh dear
12:56how amusing
12:58we have all fallen over into a great big heap
13:01now we are struggling to untangle ourselves
13:06now we are jumping in the icy waters of the lake
13:11it's just as well
13:13here we are doing the exercises
13:18why are some of you wearing skirts?
13:21the ones wearing skirts are girls
13:24i didn't know you had girls in the gestapo
13:28who do you think types the threatening letters?
13:34why is my phone ringing?
13:36answer it!
13:39why is this phone ringing?
13:41why do you not read your instructions?
13:43hair flick has his calls held till five o'clock
13:46you thought it said what?
13:52it most certainly did not
13:55someone has written it down incorrectly
13:57he thought it said four o'clock
14:00he thought it said four o'clock
14:02it's very urgent
14:04click
14:06yes, von Smallhausen
14:12i see
14:13you have done well
14:14i will deal with the matter
14:16von Smallhausen has discovered
14:19that the sausage containing the painting
14:21is hanging in the wardrobe of the dressing room
14:24of general von Klinkerhofen
14:26oh dear
14:27what do we do?
14:29what if he has it for breakfast?
14:32we must substitute a real knokwurst
14:34for the knokwurst containing the painting
14:37but hair flick
14:38how do we gain access to the general's quarters
14:40without arousing suspicion?
14:43there are in the chateau many secret passengers
14:46if the attention of the general is diverted by a woman of the opposite sex
14:51in whom he has already expressed an interest
14:57i would have time to affect the switch
14:59and where would we find such a woman?
15:01the general has already indicated to me
15:07that he considers you a great piece of crackling
15:11do you think i could pull it off?
15:15you have read my thoughts
15:19you will enter his quarters
15:21you will take the gramophone
15:23you will wind it up and do a teasing dance
15:26pulling off various outer garments
15:28this will attract his attention for two and a half minutes
15:34will it work?
15:36it always worked with me
15:39it's a long, long way to tip away
15:44that's my heart
15:51colonel, a little bit of cheese has dropped inside my ear holes
15:56what shall i do?
15:59try banging your head on the table
16:01ah
16:05the dear captain
16:06oh he loves my singing
16:08it worked in
16:09you will hear
16:10halls
16:11halls
16:14tow
16:17hall
16:19legs
16:20hall
16:21hall
16:22hall
16:23hall
16:25er
16:26it is I
16:34man of a thousand faces
16:39everyone the same
16:41I am an old Italian
16:44organ grinder
16:45keep your voice down
16:47you are embarrassing the monkey
16:49I have the bad news
16:51Maria is at the hostage
16:54they will not give her back
16:56till we return
16:57the motor from the
16:59we must rescue her
17:01and the sausage
17:02he's in the wardrobe
17:07of the general
17:08could we not train the monkey
17:10to climb the wall
17:11going through the window
17:12and steal the sausage
17:13he's been on the organ
17:16ten years
17:17he can't even turn the handle
17:18what about your business
17:20keep your ear to the ground
17:22yeah
17:23rampa seat
17:24rampa seat
17:25rampa seat
17:25rampa
17:25the club
17:25the city
17:26oh no
17:27michelle wishes to see you
17:29in the back room
17:30ah
17:30look after the bar
17:32where is she
17:36I am here
17:37listen very carefully
17:44I shall say this only words
17:46good
17:47this position is killing me
17:49tonight there is no moon
17:51here are the final details
17:52of the plan to enable you
17:54to steal the airplane
17:55from the museum
17:56what
17:56we cannot do this
17:58Maria is in the hands of
17:59general von Klinkerothen
18:01general von Klinkerothen
18:03yes
18:03that ruthless fiend
18:04he demands the return
18:05of his motor
18:06in exchange for her freedom
18:08but without the motor
18:09the plane cannot fly
18:11so we are up the creek
18:12without the paddle
18:13Connie and I will rescue her
18:15you speak for yourself
18:17I have a plan
18:19I know all the secret passages
18:21at the chateau
18:23I worked as a serving maid
18:24there when I was a girl
18:25that was so long ago
18:27they could all have collapsed
18:28by now
18:29this is very serious news
18:32lieutenant Kruber
18:33very serious
18:34Franz
18:37you have been to staff college
18:39how do you get a sausage
18:41out of a wardrobe
18:42in the general's dressing room
18:44hmm
18:46I think I must have been
18:47away that day
18:48colonel
18:50the marquis
18:52who constructed the chateau
18:54built into it
18:55many secret passages
18:57in which ran away priests
18:58used to hide
18:59who was chasing them
19:00mostly the marquis
19:02I heard about it
19:04in the chateau library
19:05there is also a map
19:07one such passage
19:09leads to the general's
19:10dressing room
19:11now they are getting there
19:13you hunts
19:14can creep down this passage
19:16and grab the sausage
19:17but he will see it has gone
19:19good point
19:20yes yes yes
19:21I thought so too
19:22I have a very clear
19:24analytical mind
19:25you know
19:25it's still there
19:30you will put another sausage
19:34in its place
19:35another sausage
19:36but what if the general
19:37comes out of his bedroom
19:38while I'm doing this
19:39I have it
19:41lieutenant Gruber
19:42can occupy
19:43the attention
19:45of the general
19:45I do not quite see
19:49how I could do this
19:50oh
19:50you will find it easy
19:52you have an engaging
19:53sparkling personality
19:55a roguish smile
19:57what German general
19:59could resist you
20:00at one o'clock
20:00in the morning
20:01with a bottle of whiskey
20:02in your pajamas
20:02I learned that
20:06at the staff college
20:07very well
20:08I will do it
20:09good
20:10good
20:10so
20:14while I am leaving Renny
20:16through the secret passages
20:17to switch the sausages
20:19in the wardrobe
20:19in the dressing room
20:20you Yvette
20:21will enter the chateau
20:22disguised as a serving maid
20:24you will
20:25you will go to the bedroom
20:28of the general
20:28with her not water bottle
20:30you will give Maria
20:31this note
20:32telling her
20:33of a secret entrance
20:34inside the wardrobe
20:35in the bedroom
20:36you will then distract him
20:38for two minutes
20:38she can make her escape
20:40and when he can get
20:40the sausage
20:41a more air-brained scheme
20:43I have never
20:44in my life heard
20:45but how do I
20:47distract the general
20:48shall I take
20:49the flying helmet
20:49and the wet celery
20:50no
20:53you are a serving maid
20:55make do with
20:56a feather duster
20:56and a tin of runnock
20:57are you listening
21:05I wish a snack
21:07send up some smoked salmon
21:09caviar
21:10cold chicken
21:12strudel
21:13and a bottle of champagne
21:14on ice
21:14is that clear
21:15let it be done
21:18general
21:19please
21:21may I return to my home now
21:23certainly not
21:24you are my hostage
21:25you will remain here
21:27but I am a civilized person
21:29I will allow you
21:30to share in my snack
21:31I will never eat
21:32with an enemy of France
21:34the night is young
21:35we shall see
21:36get back on the mat
21:37you must stay close
21:44these passages
21:45are very complicated
21:46for the sake
21:47I've ever needed
21:48I
21:48I
22:18when I was a serving girl I used to polish it what are we doing here we are
22:37supposed to be in the bedroom it is a shortcut who ever heard of a shortcut in
22:42a secret passage
22:44somebody's coming
23:04they had gone we are going to get caught I know it we are going to get caught
23:12at the end of the stairs is the entrance to another secret passage which leads to the
23:20general's dressing room follow me
23:22my polish
23:28in the cellars
23:30it all depends on whether that is the north or whether that is the north have you got a compass I have one of my Swiss army knife
23:45hang on
24:00yeah that is the north in that case we are going the wrong way
24:08who are you what are you doing
24:17Hans you fool what are you doing you're knocking out our own people
24:27it was a good shot wasn't it
24:29what are you looking for
24:49it was concealed around here in Nurb
24:52whatever you can find it
24:53Yvette will be doing her piece in three minutes
24:56shh
25:01shh
25:02shh
25:03shh
25:04shh
25:06shh
25:07shh
25:08shh
25:09shh
25:10shh
25:11shh
25:12shh
25:13shh
25:14shh
25:15shh
25:16shh
25:17shh
25:42shh
25:44Look out! Somebody else is coming!
26:14.
26:19.
26:24.
26:29.
26:32.
26:34.
26:36.
26:37.
26:38.
26:39.
26:40.
26:42.
26:48.
26:49.
26:50.
26:51.
26:52.
26:53.
27:04.
27:08Carry on.
27:09Sorry.
27:10Just that I have obtained some cultural.
27:12Hmm.
27:13Unfortunately, I think it tells the difference.
27:15Oh, absolutely.
27:16Did I bring it here?
27:19Yeah, of course.
27:38The coast is clear.
27:41Come out.
27:42Will you join me in a glass of champagne?
27:46Only if you promise to release me.
27:50We will discuss this after dinner.
27:53Who's there?
27:55It is the maid.
27:56A moment.
27:57Quick, back in the cupboard.
27:59What relationship are we going to have?
28:02If you keep thrusting me back into the cupboard,
28:04every time we have dropped it.
28:05When the maid is gone, we will be alone.
28:10End up.
28:11I have come to warm your bed, Herr General.
28:13That will not be necessary.
28:14My bed will be warmed by other more interesting muscles.
28:17You may turn it down.
28:19Yes, Herr General.
28:20Oh, my God.
28:21I have come to warm your bed, Herr General.
28:23That will not be necessary.
28:25My bed will be warmed by other more interesting muscles.
28:28You may turn it down.
28:30Yes, Herr General.
28:31What are you doing under the bed?
28:46What are you doing in the commode?
28:48I have come up the wrong passage.
28:57How do we get in?
28:58I am looking for the knob.
29:00How is it that I have not seen you before?
29:08Normally, I am peeling potatoes in the kitchen.
29:11But I can also peel other things.
29:15How dare you assume that the German general would compromise himself with a serving girl.
29:26Who is there?
29:27It is I, Helga.
29:30What do you want?
29:31What do you want?
29:32I have for you a present from Herr Flick.
29:35A moment.
29:36I will hand in the wardrobe.
29:37No, no, no.
29:38It's full.
29:39Under the bed.
29:41Do not ask.
29:42Rita.
29:43The present.
29:44Am I to understand that Herr Flick has sent to me as a present at one o'clock in the morning a gramophone?
30:00Not only this, General.
30:01He has sent me.
30:03Oh!
30:04Oh!
30:05Oh!
30:06Oh!
30:07Oh!
30:08Oh!
30:10Oh!
30:11Oh!
30:12Oh!
30:17Oh!
30:18Oh!
30:25Oh!
30:30Ah, the photo.
30:54What's going on in there?
30:56Helga is doing a striptease.
30:58We haven't got time for that.
31:01Helga!
31:03Come in, then.
31:05Good night.
31:20Oh, come in, then.
31:22I'm all steamed up.
31:23The sausage.
31:24Oh, the sausage.
31:28Ah.
31:29You've got to go.
31:35Oh, come on, then.
31:50Oh, my God.
31:52If he finds me under here, I am a dead duck.
31:55Oh, my God.
32:17William!
32:19William!
32:21William!
32:23William!
32:25William!
32:27William!
32:29What are you doing in the wardrobe with Maria?
32:31You stupid woman.
32:33What do you think I am doing in the wardrobe with Maria?
32:37She has fainted with cold fear.
32:39I am reviving her with the heat from my body.
32:43Let me wait till I get you home.
32:45Come!
32:54I am going to find you.
32:57We have behind you.
32:59Oh dear.
33:01Is there anything I can?
33:03I am going to find you.
33:05I am going to find you.
33:07I am going to find you.
33:09I am going to find you.
33:11I am going to find you.
33:13Is there anything I can do?
33:17Yes, find the gramophone.
33:19And if you don't fancy the one by the bed,
33:21there is a spare in the wardrobe.
33:23I am going to find you.
33:25I am going to find you.
33:29I am going to find you.
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