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Tv, Allo Allo S1 E04 - The Execution
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00:00You are probably wondering what I am doing behind a tree.
00:28Well, I will tell you, but listen very carefully, because I shall say this only once.
00:35You will remember that I own a café which is being used by the resistance for hiding, escaping British airmen.
00:42Well, everybody seems to know about this except my wife's mother and the Gestapo,
00:47and up to now I've had a better relationship with the Gestapo.
00:50Now, those two men disguised as scarecrows are, in fact, British airmen.
00:56Those two onion sellers are none other than the Germantown Commandant, Colonel von Strom, and his assistant, Captain Geary.
01:06Now, they look unhappy for two reasons.
01:09First, their new uniforms, which are being made to replace the old ones which they lent the British airmen,
01:15who, when they thought they were going to be captured by other Germans and interrogated as conspirators,
01:19set fire to them and burned them to a crisp.
01:22You are with me so far?
01:22Did not fit, and are now on their way back to London by tiger moth.
01:28The second reason?
01:30The uniforms are being made in London by a Jewish tailor, which is against the rules in the German.
01:36Oh, and, uh, the Gestapo are also looking for a painting of the fallen Madonna with the big, um,
01:43diamond clump.
01:45This is also winging its way across the channel,
01:48in order that a copy can be made so that the original can become the personal property of the colonel,
01:54who is as bent as a cockscrew.
01:57What happens next?
01:58First, your guess is as good as mine.
02:02Remy!
02:04What?
02:06We have much to do.
02:08The Germans may have heard the plan.
02:10We did.
02:12It's the other German troops under my command.
02:15Who will shoot us if they catch us with this lot?
02:18These are the orders for our next move.
02:21From here, we go north.
02:23But if you don't mind my saying so, my cafe is south.
02:27The railway is north.
02:29But we could walk home.
02:30Why take a train?
02:31Of course, we have to blow up the railway.
02:33What?
02:34What are we going to do with these German swine?
02:38We shall have to take them with us.
02:40What use are they?
02:41If anyone is interested, I took a course in explosives.
02:45Once, we have German officers.
02:48Part of the great army that is winning the war.
02:52We do not help the resistance to blow up our supply lines.
02:57On the other hand, if General Von Klinkerhofen finds out that we have lent our uniforms to the British airmen to help them escape,
03:04we will be in dead schtuck.
03:07What are you trying to say?
03:08If we help them blow up the railway, Von Klinkerhofen's train will not arrive, so we won't have to meet it, so we won't have to wear our uniforms, so he won't know that we haven't got them.
03:20And if you don't cooperate, we will shoot you and add your corpses in the cups.
03:25Oh, well, and you're winning the law?
03:31What's one railway?
03:34Follow me.
03:35I am here in obedience to your orders, Herr Flick.
03:56You are quite punctual.
03:59Only 12 seconds late.
04:01Come in.
04:03Stand over there.
04:04Yes, Herr Flick.
04:04We do not wish to be disturbed, do we?
04:18You don't take any chances, Herr Flick.
04:21That all depends.
04:28Go into the next chamber.
04:41You're trembling.
04:43Are you afraid of me?
04:44The streets are cold.
04:46But you're also perspiring.
04:49Your room is hot.
04:50The room is 62.5 degrees.
04:53This is not hot.
04:55I can hide nothing from you, Herr Flick.
04:57I'm trembling with uncertainty and perspiring with anticipation.
05:02This is not unusual.
05:04Take off your jacket.
05:06Yes, Herr Flick.
05:15On the bed.
05:18Your jacket.
05:20Let down your hair.
05:26Yes, Herr Flick.
05:35Anything else?
05:37Not yet.
05:40Sit down.
05:41The colonel is behaving strangely.
05:55Do you think he will find the painting of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies?
06:01It's hard to say.
06:04The whole thing is in the air at the moment.
06:08Are you telling me the truth?
06:09I promise.
06:10I swear on my honor, you can do what you like to me.
06:14We shall come to that later.
06:15Come with me.
06:32Bring the Germans.
06:33Yvette, you come too.
06:34Then by for a quick.
06:44Get away.
06:44the railway line runs in that cutting look do you really need me i have had no experience in this
07:01sort of thing all i have ever blown up is a balloon you will take these speds what are these
07:08speds for to take an hole under the sleeper for the explosives what follow me what's going on
07:16fairfax can't be gardening at this time of night speaking for myself i'm jolly frightened me too
07:23dig an hole under the sleeper here is that you have the explosives i have it straight to my thigh
07:32you are very brave is that i know if you had tripped that cork could have put an end to
07:41everything i've been thinking of nothing else there is a lot missing ah yes well you see my wife gave
07:51some to my mother-in-law and and quite a lot to the chickens you fool can i trust you with nothing
07:57there might not be enough to blow up the train oh well in that case do not let us waste time
08:02let's go home wait here with the germans i will crash the lorry onto the line that and the
08:09explosives will stop the train once you get an idea into your head you don't let go do you
08:15i am sorry for the delay colonel a little technical matter you understand well at least we can have a
08:25drink while we're waiting no that is not gin what is it it's nitroglycerine
08:32don't you
08:40hans you fool you've blown up the railway isn't that what we're here for get down they're shooting at the
08:54no it's the guards they're shooting at the lorry
09:01you think this would be a good time to tell them we are german officers
09:08it would have been if you hadn't just blown up the railway
09:15good evening you're probably wondering what i am doing here
09:22it is
09:29oh
09:36oh
09:38oh
09:39oh
09:40oh
09:41oh
09:42oh
09:43oh
09:44oh
09:45oh
09:46oh
09:47oh
09:48oh
09:49oh
09:50oh
09:51and nobody attend to me
09:53coming мама
09:55oh
09:56oh
09:57oh
09:58oh
09:59oh
10:00oh
10:01oh
10:02oh
10:03oh
10:04oh
10:05oh
10:06oh
10:07oh
10:08oh
10:09oh
10:10oh
10:11oh
10:13oh
10:14Why have I been left alone so long?
10:18I had a headache.
10:23I was talking to my daughter.
10:26The Germans have arrested René.
10:28He's in the nick. He will be shot.
10:31Oh, I always knew it. His eyes are too close together.
10:36You should have married the butcher. He'll like you.
10:42Every time you pass his shop, he wave at you with his chopper.
10:49I have to think of a plan to rescue him.
10:52Monsieur Leclerc, you have been in prison many times. Can you help me?
10:58Of course, madame. I can help you.
11:01I have been in many French nicks.
11:07Always a gigolo.
11:09I am ready, madame. Lead on. I will follow.
11:22Look at it how you feel. This is a very serious situation.
11:26Colonel, surely you know somebody who could order our release?
11:30There is only one person who could order our release.
11:34Who?
11:35Me.
11:42René, if they shoot us, at least I will die by your side.
11:46If you died in front of me, I'd have a better chance.
11:51René, you do love me, don't you?
11:53Of course I love you, Yvette, of course.
11:56Oh, René.
11:58What do you think it will be like in heaven?
12:01Well, I don't suppose they let us do this for a start.
12:06Only the French would have boys and girls in the same cell.
12:09I am standing on a peasant.
12:18Have you come to get us out?
12:22No, but I have your uniforms back from the cleaners.
12:25Where are they?
12:26In the office, ready for you when you get out.
12:28But how do we get out?
12:30Here is a hexal for the bars.
12:33Ah!
12:34Oh, dear.
12:35Even without bars, I can't get through this little window.
12:38I could.
12:39Yes, but you can't sign the orders.
12:41You're not senior enough.
12:43I could forge your signature.
12:44I have done it before.
12:46No!
12:47Now it's all coming out.
12:50General von...
12:52Stand still!
12:56General von Klinkhofen is arriving by car.
12:59Ah!
13:00He's most displeased.
13:01Somebody's blown up the railway.
13:02It was him.
13:04Tell him.
13:06I must go.
13:07Somebody's coming.
13:09Ah!
13:10Don't be round.
13:12Boys.
13:14Where's you, no doubt, all going to be shot?
13:17You will no doubt wish to see a priest.
13:20Come this way.
13:22If I have a boy,
13:24I will come and go hide me now.
13:28He took a na-na-woo-wee.
13:33And when the horse were pointing down,
13:37He was anglicing...
13:40Shh!
13:41It is I, Leclerc.
13:44Well, I never would have guessed.
13:47What do you want?
13:48I bring you good news.
13:50Shh!
13:51Your mother-in-law and your wife are coming to see you.
13:55This is good news?
13:57Also, I have for you...
13:59Concealed on my personal.
14:02He-he-he.
14:04An axol.
14:06We already have an axol, you silly old fool.
14:09In that case, my son...
14:11Up yours.
14:13I have given them my blessing.
14:16Let me out.
14:17Isshu!
14:23Bless you.
14:24And you.
14:30Here.
14:32Find this.
14:33Oh, mother!
14:36You have more visitors.
14:38You have more visitors!
14:45Why are you putting me in here with these smelly peasants?
14:52To say goodbye to your son-in-law.
14:55Goodbye, let us get out.
15:02Oh, René.
15:04Not now, Edith.
15:06We have a plan.
15:08Good. What is it?
15:14We are up to here with hacksaws.
15:17I am down to there with hacksaws.
15:20But, Michelle's plan...
15:23Now, listen carefully.
15:25She said this only once.
15:28There are more, isn't it, Fairfax?
15:32I was just thinking.
15:34If the Jerry's find us dressed in civvies, it'll take quite a lot of explaining.
15:40If they found us in bed with each other, it would take even more explaining.
15:46Carstairs, are you a grammar school boy?
15:52How do you know?
15:54I've been wearing your socks in bed.
15:58Come along.
15:59Time is up.
16:00Time to go home, Mama.
16:14John!
16:15Edith, I do not wish to nitpick, but why could not Yvette and I have escaped.
16:29I mean, what kind of a plan is it that leaves me still in the cooler?
16:33It was Michel's plan.
16:35The Colonel, once he's back in his office, will sign the papers for your release.
16:40And what if he doesn't?
16:41Then Michel will tell the Gestapo that it was the Colonel who nicked the painting of the fuller Madonna with the big boobies.
16:49What do you think, René?
16:51I once heard a proverb about the best laid plans of mice and men.
16:56This plan was definitely laid by a mouse.
17:01You can say that again.
17:04If it should go wrong, René, I shall be by your side.
17:08And as it is a game, I shall sing the Matthias.
17:13Then I hope they are quick on the trigger.
17:19Well, Hans, it's good to be back in the uniform.
17:23We are very lucky to get out of that jail.
17:26You were very convincing as René's 85-year-old mother-in-law.
17:30You were very good as my daughter.
17:32I have good legs.
17:35The prisoner is outside.
17:37Good. Bring him in.
17:41Bring him inside!
17:43Right, you're dismissed.
17:44Oh.
17:45Oh.
17:46René, my old friend.
17:47Take a chair.
17:48Make yourself comfortable.
17:49You are most kind, Colonel.
17:51After all, we are all in this together.
17:52Well, I think some of us are in a little deeper.
17:53Can we not get rid of these things now?
17:54Not until I've signed the release for you.
17:55No.
17:56No.
17:57No.
17:58No.
17:59Not until I've signed the release for you.
18:00I have a pen in my pocket here.
18:01Oh, René.
18:02We must proceed cautiously.
18:03This morning already I have signed for the release of your wife and mother's
18:05and your wife.
18:06You are very happy to get out of it.
18:07No.
18:08No.
18:09No.
18:10No.
18:11No.
18:12No.
18:13No.
18:14No.
18:15No.
18:16No.
18:17No.
18:18No.
18:19No.
18:20No.
18:21No.
18:22No.
18:23No.
18:24No.
18:25No.
18:26No.
18:27No.
18:28No.
18:29No.
18:30No.
18:31No.
18:32No.
18:33No.
18:34No.
18:35No.
18:36No.
18:37No.
18:38No.
18:39No.
18:40No.
18:41No.
18:42No.
18:43No.
18:44No.
18:45No.
18:46No.
18:47No.
18:48No.
18:49No.
18:50No.
18:51No.
18:52No.
18:53No.
18:54No.
18:55No.
18:56No.
18:57No.
18:58No.
18:59Well, up to a point, yes.
19:02General von Klinkhofen is here.
19:04Von Klinkhofen is here.
19:06What a truth.
19:10Really, my friend, we may have to insult you a little.
19:14Call you pig and dog and that sort of thing.
19:17Dear Colonel, feel free.
19:21General von Klinkhofen.
19:29Herr Hitler, Herr Hitler, Klopp.
19:34So, this is the ringleader.
19:38No, the ringleader escaped.
19:40This is just a poor, unfortunate peasant
19:42who was dragged in against his will.
19:45What he says is perfectly true.
19:47I am a small potato.
19:50Silence, you dog.
19:52Pig.
19:56Can you talk with him?
19:59What are the names of the other men in the port?
20:13I agree.
20:14Oh, let me think.
20:15There was a...
20:16He doesn't know.
20:17We've been through all that.
20:19Pig.
20:21He knows nothing.
20:23I think we should release him.
20:25I do not agree.
20:26I think he should be executed as an example.
20:33Don't you think that's a little drastic, Colonel?
20:36Quiet, hyena.
20:38I must remember that.
20:41You will be shot at dawn.
20:43Of course.
20:44I will supervise it personally.
20:46Good.
20:47How does seven o'clock suit you?
20:49Later would be better for me.
20:51I shall be there to see it done.
21:06Heil Hitler.
21:07Heil Hitler.
21:08Clap.
21:14He has departed.
21:16Colonel.
21:17Colonel, if you don't get me out of this, well, I shall be forced to reveal how you stole
21:21the painting, how you lent your uniforms to the British Airmen to help them escape, and
21:25how you blew up the railway.
21:26I did not blow up the railway.
21:28He blew up the railway.
21:30How did we get in this mess?
21:32I have an idea.
21:35We will give to the firing party wooden bullets.
21:38How is this an improvement?
21:42Wooden bullets disintegrate ten foot from the muzzles of the rifles.
21:47I see.
21:48How close do they stand?
21:50Not as close as that.
21:52Providing it is not foggy.
21:57Tell me, what happens when they fire?
22:00You fall down.
22:01Do you really think it is safe?
22:04Well, we won't know for sure until you get up again.
22:07I have come to see the prisoner to say my last farewell.
22:17So many goodbyes.
22:18You are number six.
22:20This way.
22:24Yet another visitor for you.
22:27Maria.
22:28Oh, Renée.
22:30Five minutes only.
22:31Maria.
22:32Oh, my little cabbage.
22:39Oh, Renée, my big pass nip.
22:43Oh, it is so comforting to hold you in my arms again.
22:46Renée, Renée.
22:47I have something for you.
22:49I have something for you, too, but you go first.
22:53I will never let the firing squad shoot you.
22:56Take this thing.
22:59Oh, you think I can bribe them?
23:02He said there is a pin.
23:04Take it between those strong white teeth and crush it.
23:08And you will be gone.
23:10This is not the kind of escape I had in my arms.
23:13Oh, but you must use it with all their spells.
23:16I promise.
23:18There is only one more thing I can give you.
23:20Oh, Maria.
23:23No, there's no time for that.
23:26What is there time for, then?
23:28Yeah, it is.
23:29A axon.
23:32Oh, it is still warm.
23:33Oh, it is still warm.
24:03I don't want to be difficult, but could you boost that just a little more slowly, please?
24:29Did you get the dummy bullets?
24:30Yes, here they are.
24:32Well, they look exactly like the real bullets.
24:34Yes, I brought the real ones to show you.
24:37Morning, Colonel.
24:37Morning.
24:38Morning, Captain.
24:39Morning.
24:40Sad occasion.
24:41Yes, but the dog deserves it.
24:44Pig!
24:45Ah, the bullets.
24:47Hans, he's taken both boxes.
24:53What if he loads the real bullets into the rifles?
24:56Oh, dear.
24:57Do you think we should warn Rene?
25:00There's no point in worrying him.
25:03He has a lot on his mind.
25:05Sergeant, here are some bullets.
25:10Loads of rifles.
25:13Port!
25:14Port!
25:20All prepared?
25:21Everything is going according to plan.
25:24Very nearly.
25:26You can't waste time.
25:27I have to leave.
25:29It is cold.
25:32Why have you brought me here?
25:35The angels are going to take my husband away.
25:40The last time it was believed.
25:51This is a very sad occasion for me, Rene.
25:54Yes, I feel the same way, Lieutenant.
25:57Ah, you French.
25:58You are so brave.
26:00Your mother-in-law has not shed one single tear.
26:03This, I believe.
26:05What about my wife?
26:07She is like a rock.
26:09She says she is going to sing the Marseillaise.
26:12You wish a blindfold?
26:14Earplugs would be better.
26:18May I shake your hand?
26:19Of course.
26:21You'll find it around the back.
26:22Can we get on with this, please?
26:31Oh, I nearly forgot.
26:40So they have something to aim at.
26:43You Germans, such sticklers for accuracy.
26:50Why?
26:51Now?
27:02No.
27:03I will give you the signal.
27:10Is that it?
27:11No.
27:12I am composing myself.
27:14Okay.
27:16Frontreich.
27:17Nein.
27:20Present your rifles.
27:26Now.
27:29One, two, three, four.
27:31Arachie children
27:34of the
27:35land
27:36of the
27:37Letty
27:44alt
27:49inlet
27:55up
27:57along
27:57on
27:58oil
28:00Our blood shall not be shed and...
28:03Why have we stopped?
28:06It is over.
28:09Good.
28:11Let that be a lesson to you.
28:14The relatives may remove the body.
28:17Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler!
28:19You may escort me to my car.
28:21Do you think he is all right?
28:31If he is, it will be drinks on the house.
28:34If not, we find another cafe.
28:45My poor brother.
28:51He is...
28:53He is still alive. He is trying to speak.
28:56Dear René, are you in pain?
29:00Keep quiet. These may be his last brave words.
29:04Listen carefully.
29:07I shall say this only once.
29:12My bum is on a thistle.
29:21Thank you again...
29:27Velvet sounds that crazy.
29:33It's okay.
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