- 1 day ago
Tv, Allo Allo S8E03 - Hitler's Last Heil
Category
đŸ“º
TVTranscript
00:00You find me being examined by our local GP, Dr Le Conte,
00:29because my nerves are all shot to pieces following the recent cock-up in our fight against the Germans.
00:35Oh, that is cold.
00:39I can speak in front of Dr Le Conte, because he is a long-serving member of the resistance.
00:46Though for how much longer, I do not know.
00:50Needless to say, the most recent plan to set up a secret mobile resistance radio station
00:58in a coffin on the back of Monsieur Alphonse's urs went wrong.
01:02The horse bolted, and the radio station was last seen disappearing due south at a huge canter.
01:08So this could be my last birthday.
01:11You have the lungs of a man of 30, but the body, it is knackered.
01:16Surely you can do something.
01:20Well, you are very run down.
01:22But I will give you these pills to pep you up.
01:27You keep them, Doctor. You need them more than I do.
01:32Oh, René, it is not bad news, is it?
01:35No, the doctor said I am just run down.
01:37You should try to relax a bit more.
01:39Relax? How can I relax when a message to me from General de Gaulle
01:43has been transmitted throughout the hall of the district from a urs?
01:47I am a nervous wreck.
01:49Oh, do not worry, René.
01:51Michelle of the resistance will find the urs.
01:53Monsieur Alphonse needs it today.
01:55And I will be needing it tomorrow if the Germans have heard that broadcast.
01:59I am having to get back to my practice.
02:02Oh, Doctor Le Conte, while you are here,
02:04could you give Mama a quick check-up?
02:05I will show you upstairs.
02:07Of course.
02:07Happy birthday, René.
02:15Oh, me, me.
02:17I have brought you a present.
02:19Thank you, me.
02:20I wonder what it is.
02:26Oh, it is hot water butter.
02:33Oh, I'm good.
02:37I knitted the cover myself.
02:40Oh.
02:41Think of me every time you fill it up and screw in the stopper.
02:46I promise.
02:49Oh!
02:50I have found you alone at last.
02:53Yes.
02:53Hold me.
02:55Oh!
02:55Oh, what is it that I feel between us?
03:02It is my birthday present to you.
03:06It is to help you find your way to the broom cupboard in the middle of the night.
03:12As soon as you start flashing, I will find you.
03:15You think of everything.
03:18Oh, René, I must talk to you.
03:22It is about our baby.
03:24I do not want you to be born fatherless.
03:26When are we going to be married?
03:28Keep your voice down.
03:30We cannot hurry these things, Yvette.
03:32We could be married in secret.
03:34Oh, let us go to the priest later and ask him.
03:37No, I will take a lot of persuading to go to see a priest.
03:40René, if you do not come, I will tell the old village you are the father of my child.
03:45I am persuaded.
03:46Oh, René, I knew you would.
03:51René!
03:52What are you doing with that servant girl in your arms?
03:56You stupid woman.
04:00Can you not see that poor Chad is unwell because of her pregnancy
04:03and the impossible strain of not knowing who the father is?
04:07Yes.
04:08Yes, you go and lie down, Yvette.
04:10We will ask Dr. Leconte to give you something when he comes down.
04:12Oh, thank you, René.
04:16Oh, I am sorry, René.
04:18I did not realise Yvette was ill.
04:20Well, we are all a bit under the weather at the moment.
04:23Well, never mind, René.
04:25You will perk up later.
04:27I have a special birthday surprise for you.
04:30You are not pregnant as well, are you?
04:34No, but I have something which will take you back to your youth.
04:38You have not bought me a toupee, I hope.
04:41But I have something that will help us recapture the joys of our courting days.
04:46Oh, it is hard to remember that once you were a strapping lad of 20
04:51and I was a girlish sweet 16 in full bloom.
04:55And now we are both overgrown with the weeds of time.
05:01Kiss me.
05:02Like you used to.
05:05Let us turn back the clock.
05:06I will have to do a lot of winding up first.
05:13René!
05:16René, for once you will be glad to see me.
05:19You do not know how right you are, Michelle.
05:21We have found Monsieur Alphonse's earth and a radio transmitter in the coffin.
05:25Everything is all right.
05:26But it has been broadcasting a message to me from General de Gaulle.
05:29If the Germans hear that, I will be shocked.
05:30They heard nothing.
05:33My girls have been monitoring the airwaves.
05:35We will have to make a more powerful battery.
05:37The one in the coffin was too weak to transmit the recording.
05:40Oh, thank God for that.
05:41Oh, René, you are in the clear.
05:44I think perhaps you spoke too soon, Edith.
05:48He's moaning.
05:49What shall we do with the kiffin?
05:52You cannot bring that in here.
05:54Oh, René, we have to hide the radio transmitter.
05:57We thought we could put it in your cellar.
05:58It's out of the question.
05:59But the Germans sometimes go in my cellar looking for wine.
06:02Well, what about the attic?
06:03They do not go there.
06:05Oh, very well.
06:06But get it up there quickly.
06:08I cannot have a coffin in my cafe.
06:09People will think that food has gone off.
06:13A fine birthday this is turning out to be.
06:16Oh, René, is it your birthday?
06:18Huh?
06:18How old are you?
06:19Oh, I lose track.
06:20Every time you come round, I age ten years.
06:23Is there anything the matter with me?
06:26Oh, you are doing remarkably well for a lady of ninety-four, Madame Fanny.
06:32I am only eighty-seven.
06:35You are still doing well.
06:38Let us hope you can keep it up.
06:41Did someone call?
06:42Oh, but to sleep, Ernest.
06:45Well, whatever's the results, I do wish to know as soon as possible.
06:53Oh, naturally.
06:55Bye.
06:56Bye.
06:56I demand a second opinion.
07:12Get out.
07:14Get out!
07:15Shut up, you old bat.
07:19What is the matter, Fanny?
07:20Oh, look.
07:22Say you're going to put me in a box.
07:25Say something, Ernest.
07:29What sort of flowers would you like?
07:31Come on.
07:33Calm yourself.
07:34The coffin is not for you.
07:36Not yet, anyway.
07:37We will come back and retrieve it when we have made a more powerful battery.
07:42The secret radio station will be back on the air within a very short time.
07:45With luck and good management.
07:48But mostly luck.
07:49Mr. Halponson, have you got René's birthday present yet?
07:57Oh, I will deliver it this afternoon, Madame Edith.
08:00You still want it?
08:02Oh, yes.
08:03We have always wanted a car.
08:05Mama said she would use her savings to get us one years ago,
08:09but has only now got around to it.
08:11Oh, she thinks it is just for me.
08:13But René will be so thrilled.
08:16Edith, what is going on?
08:18Monsieur Alphonse and I were preparing a surprise for René.
08:22Ah, René.
08:25Splendid.
08:25And make sure you bury him good and deep.
08:34Hi, Hitler.
08:35Hi, Hitler.
08:36Koldau, there has been a major lapse of security.
08:39The gals and paytruck has been robbed by none other than the Gestapo.
08:42Oh, no.
08:43Can we trust no one?
08:46Fortunately, I apprehended the miscreants at the scene of the crime.
08:50They are currently in the Chateau Dungeons.
08:53Will they be put on trial?
08:55No, they will be shot.
08:57I want security measures tightened throughout the district.
08:59It is particularly important today as the Fuhrer and Field Marshal Goering
09:04are visiting our coastal defences to boost the morale of the troops.
09:08They will be arriving here shortly.
09:10The Fuhrer and Field Marshal Goering.
09:13Arriving here shortly?
09:15Is there an echo in this room?
09:17Actually, between ourselves, it's not really Hitler and Goering.
09:24They are doubles, but they just look like them.
09:27The real Hitler and Goering would not dare to come here.
09:29In case they were assassinated by the resistance.
09:31In case they were assassinated by the Germans.
09:35I'm entertaining them to lunch in my quarters.
09:37You and Gauber are invited, Colonel.
09:39One o'clock on the dot.
09:41Your last request is here.
09:43Did I make a last request?
09:47It is I, Helga.
09:52What are you doing here?
09:53To gain entry, I said you had asked for a woman of easy virtue to share your last hours.
09:57Did I ask for a woman of easy virtue too?
10:01Silence from Smallhausen that I could share Helga.
10:04Take your ball and stand in your corner.
10:10I had to see you one last time, Hefnick,
10:12to have a final kiss before you are shot.
10:15I am the godson of Heinrich Himmler.
10:17They cannot shoot me.
10:19What was that?
10:21The firing squad are doing target practice, Herr Flake.
10:25Helga, I know all about the robbery of the garrison pay truck.
10:29If you do not get us out of here,
10:31I will tell the general that it was the colonel and lieutenant Gruber
10:34who really stole the money.
10:36And you will be implicated too.
10:38You wouldn't.
10:39He would.
10:41Very well, you leave me no choice.
10:43But may I kiss you anyway?
10:45Of course.
10:46Avert your eyes, von Smallhausen.
10:53Your kiss gives me strength, Hefnick.
10:56I will speak to the colonel about breaking you out of here.
10:59Good.
11:00Make it quick, Helga.
11:03The firing squad are getting better.
11:05They hit the wall that time.
11:06Oh, well, I thought you were not coming.
11:23I cannot stay long, Yvette.
11:24Let us get this over with.
11:25Quickly, before anyone sees us.
11:27What can I do for you?
11:53Father, we have come to confess that we wish to be married.
11:55But that is not a sin, my child.
11:58You have not heard the rest of it.
12:00Tell us, Mark.
12:02I am his child.
12:04Oh, yes.
12:05That does make a difference.
12:06It will not prevent us marrying, will it?
12:08I should think it makes it imperative.
12:11Did you lead this man on in any way?
12:15Perhaps a little bit.
12:17A little bit?
12:18You are very encouraging.
12:20You should not have succumbed, my son.
12:22You should have told the demon last to get behind you.
12:24There was no room.
12:26We will have a room covered.
12:28What is your name, child?
12:30I cannot say.
12:31We wish this to be a secret marriage.
12:34And you, my son?
12:35I wish to remain anonymous, too.
12:38I am officially dead.
12:40It would be very difficult marrying an unknown woman to a man who is officially dead.
12:44Well, could you not put me down as Miss X and him as Mr. X?
12:49And we will keep the name of the child also secret.
12:52Why?
12:53I am not going to call my child Y.
12:56No, no.
12:56I mean, why should there be all this mystery?
12:59It has to be a secret, Father.
13:01You see, we are both heavily involved in the resistance.
13:04Ah, the resistance.
13:05Yes.
13:06That is a different matter.
13:07I may be able to help you.
13:10Are you sure you truly love each other?
13:13Oh, yes, Father.
13:15Have you known other men?
13:16Four or five.
13:20In your life?
13:22No, a week.
13:25But I do it to support my poor mother.
13:27Very well.
13:28I will try to arrange a secret marriage.
13:31But it is very unusual, so I must consult with the bishop first.
13:34Oh, thank you, Father.
13:36Come back and see me in a week.
13:37In the meantime, you must both save 50 Hail Marys as a penance for your sins.
13:42Yes, Father.
13:46Oh, René.
13:50Only 50 Hail Marys and soon we are going to be married.
13:53Do you not think we got off lightly?
13:56I think that depends on how you look at it, Yvette.
14:02Good morning.
14:04Not you again.
14:05What do you want now?
14:06I have a massage for Michelle.
14:14Lawson, very carefully.
14:15I shall sue this only wince.
14:19Michelle has discovered that Hotler and Gearing are coming this afternoon to the chateau.
14:30What is this lunatic on about?
14:33He says Hitler and Gearing are coming to the chateau.
14:36No.
14:37Yes.
14:38Michelle has a plin to assassinate them.
14:40I have a clockwork bum in my trousers.
14:52Your personal problems are no concern of ours.
14:55He means a clockwork bum.
14:57Do not worry.
15:01It is quite so flat.
15:03We will attach it to Hotler's car and blee him to smotheroons.
15:08Get that thing out of here.
15:10Are you mad?
15:11We are looking for villain tours.
15:13Hins up if you want to have a goo.
15:15We do not want to have a goo.
15:18It is a suicidal plan, Officer Crabtree.
15:21You will never find anyone stupid enough to carry it out.
15:24I will do it.
15:26There is always one.
15:27I will sacrifice myself to strike a daring blow for the resistance.
15:34I am a true daughter of France.
15:36Brave as a lioness.
15:38Bold as a wolf.
15:40Daft as a brush.
15:44Now, you know what to do, Helga.
15:45Yes, Colonel.
15:46I go to the chateau dungeons on the pretext of hearing Herr Flick's confession and giving him this food.
15:51I then give him this stick of dynamite disguised as a knock-first sausage to enable him to blow the bars off his cell and escape.
16:00I must say it pains me deeply to help that man in this way.
16:06Now, Mr. Colonel, the Fuhrer is expecting us to lunch.
16:09My little tank is outside.
16:13Any chance of a lift?
16:15I am afraid not, Helga.
16:16It is against regulations to give lifts to hitchhiking nuns.
16:21Male chauvinist pig.
16:24Oops.
16:32I am so well late, General.
16:34The security around the shadow is unbelievable.
16:37It is necessary to protect our visitors.
16:40Even though they are only doubles, everyone must believe they are a rare thing.
16:43Who exactly are they, General?
16:46Hitler is a corporal in the catering corps.
16:49Hitler is a clerk in the Ministry of Defence.
16:53They are having a wash after their journey.
16:56The Fuhrer and Field Marshal Goering.
17:03These are my two senior officers, Colonel von Strom and Lieutenant Gruber.
17:11Mein Fuhrer.
17:12Pardon?
17:13You will address me at all times as mein Fuhrer and do not forget it.
17:17Oh, but surely there's...
17:18They will ask the question!
17:22They are empowered by the Fuhrer himself to give orders to officers of any rank.
17:26Otherwise, we would not be believable as doubles.
17:30I am sorry, mein Fuhrer.
17:33Already I am far from impressed with your garrison, General.
17:35Well, these two officers look distinctly sloppy to me.
17:39And you are not much better!
17:41You have all better pull yourselves together or Berlin will hear about it!
17:46Yes, mein Fuhrer.
17:49Campaign, Herrmann.
17:51Lead me to it, Adolf.
17:53Who does that jumped-up little corporal think he is?
17:59Hitler?
18:09Ah, good day, sister.
18:11I have brought some food for the two condemned prisoners in the dungeons.
18:15I will have to search your basket.
18:23Oh, yeah!
18:25Not now, aunt, sir.
18:27I can't stay.
18:29Cook will kill me if I don't get these provisions to the kitchen.
18:33Oh, just a quick kiss.
18:36Letter.
18:37I'm off at six.
18:40I'll meet you in the square.
18:44You promise?
18:49All that seems to be in order, sister.
18:51Do you know your way to the dungeons?
18:53I have visited prisoners here before.
18:55Down the steps, turn left at the bottom, and just follow the rats.
19:04I thought we would inspect the troops at three o'clock, mein Fuhrer.
19:08We will inspect them when we are ready, and not before.
19:11Of course, mein Fuhrer.
19:13I want lunch first.
19:16Have some food sent up.
19:21Immediately, General.
19:22Goober, phone the kitchens for some food for minefield marshal.
19:33This is the General's quarters.
19:35Could you send up lunch for five at once?
19:38Yes.
19:39Is there anything you particularly fancy, mein Fuhrer?
19:44Yes.
19:45Knock-verse sausages, and plenty of them.
19:48Good idea, Adolf.
19:49I fancy a good blowout.
19:52I will give the prisoners this food, and then take their confessions.
20:01Their last visitor was a woman of easy virtue.
20:03They probably have a lot to confess.
20:05I've come to get you out, Heflick.
20:14This knock-first sausage is really a stick of dynamite.
20:18Tie it to the bars, light the string at one end, and it will blow out the wall.
20:21Well, you have done well, Helga.
20:23I will reward you for this.
20:25Will you allow me to kiss you again, Heflick?
20:27I do not have time.
20:29I do.
20:31Silence, von Smallhausen.
20:32But when we have escaped, Helga, come to my dungeon, and we will see.
20:37Yes, Heflick.
20:38Only do not come dressed as a nun.
20:40I much prefer you as a woman of easy virtue.
20:43That's what they all say, Heflick.
20:48Here are some matches for the dynamite.
20:53Rope?
20:54You are full of surprises.
20:57This one surprised me the most.
21:02We will leave you alone for a time now.
21:07We must go and organize the march past the troops, Mein FĂ¼hrer.
21:11I fancy a little piece of cheese.
21:21Oh, General.
21:23Our spare uniforms are in that case.
21:26See, they are pressed before we leave.
21:29Yes, Mein FĂ¼hrer.
21:30Heil Hitler.
21:34Heil Hitler.
21:36Dismissed.
21:44The nerve of the man.
21:46I can't wait to see the back of those two.
21:52I think your wish has come true, General.
21:54Oh, my God.
21:58It must be the resistance.
22:05No one must know about this.
22:07Well, it will not be easy to keep secret, General.
22:09But if the real FĂ¼hrer finds out, he will think we were involved in some plot to blow him up.
22:15But what can we do, General?
22:16You've got two bodies in your quarters.
22:19We will dispose of them later.
22:21More importantly for now, Hitha and Goering must be seen to leave the chateau and the town.
22:25They must not be implicated in his death.
22:26But how can they be seen to leave the town if they are dead?
22:39There is only one solution.
22:41I think the uniforms will fit.
22:47Mimi, did you manage to put the bomb under Hitler's car?
22:50The chateau was too heavily guarded.
22:52I could not get near it.
22:54Damn.
22:54Where is the bomb now?
22:56It is strapped to my leg.
22:58Be careful, Mimi.
22:59I am walking very gingerly.
23:04It is them, Hitler and Goering.
23:06They have come to inspect their troops.
23:08Oh, let me see.
23:10There are too many soldiers.
23:12Let us go outside and watch.
23:17Back inside, peasants.
23:18No one's allowed in the square.
23:20Now is your chance, Mimi.
23:24I will go down to Dwayne in the back garden,
23:26call along the sewer,
23:28come up underneath Hitler's car
23:29and plant the bomb.
23:31You are a true heroine of the resistance, Mimi.
23:34Good luck.
23:40How brave Mimi is.
23:42She will have to move faster than that
23:44or they will have gone by the time she gets there.
23:50We will take the salute now.
24:04Oh, if only I had a rifle I could end the war here and now.
24:08Do not have any ideas, Michelle.
24:11It is all up to Mimi now.
24:13Hmm.
24:20Oh, look.
24:21There's René looking out of the window.
24:23I'll give him a little treat.
24:24My God, did you see that?
24:31Hitler just gave me a little wave.
24:35That is all I need to be fancied by Hitler.
24:37Bravo!
24:48So is the bomb we're supposed to blow him up?
24:50Mimi might still have got through.
24:52The bomb is on a timer.
24:54Let's go and see if you can find her.
24:56Right.
24:56Oh, Monsieur Alphonse.
25:00What were you doing in our back passage?
25:02Oh, I had to run through the back streets to get here.
25:06I have the car, madame, and here are the keys.
25:09Oh, thank you, Monsieur Alphonse.
25:11I do it out of love for you.
25:13I'll have the money now.
25:16Where is the car?
25:17I've left it in the square before the soldiers cordoned it off.
25:20Oh, René.
25:23Mama and I have bought a special surprise for you.
25:26We have bought Monsieur Alphonse's car for your birthday.
25:30A car?
25:31Oh, Edith.
25:34I do not know what to say.
25:37Oh, it will help us to remember our courting days.
25:40We can go for a spin in the country like we used to.
25:44We only had a horse and cart then.
25:46Oh, this will be much better.
25:48Come outside and see.
25:50Close your eyes.
26:05Open your eyes.
26:08Is it not a magnificent, Mutter?
26:10For me?
26:15I shall call for the cash later.
26:20You can drive.
26:25Ide.
26:36Mimi, are you all right?
26:38What happened?
26:39I did it.
26:40I planted the bomb.
26:41The car was directly over the drain.
26:43Well done.
26:44Let us have a drink to celebrate.
26:49Where shall we go?
26:51Down by the river.
26:53Do you remember that time we went there
26:54and lay on the grass under the willow tree?
26:58Oh, let us try and recapture the memory
27:00of what happened that day.
27:03Oh.
27:20Do you have anything to say, Edith?
27:34Happy birthday, Wendy.
27:36Bye-bye.
27:37Good night.
27:38Good night.
27:39Hello?
27:40Hey.
27:40Hey.
27:41Hey.
27:43Hey.
27:44Hey.
27:45Hey.
27:47Hey.
27:48Hey.
27:48Hey.
27:49Hey.
Be the first to comment