- 13 minutes ago
Herman, while still getting over a previous breakup, is set up on a blind date with a woman named Yvonne (played by guest star Megan Mullally). Yvonne quickly proves to be overly needy and intense when Herman does not immediately return her affections. Her aggressive behavior forces Herman to deal with an uncomfortable situation as she pursues him despite his lack of interest.
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FunTranscript
00:00This is Herman Brooks. Herman is just like the rest of us. Every day, he has to make all kinds of decisions. Like what to wear, whom to date, and when to panic.
00:18Now, these decisions can be easy, but if you take a look inside Herman's head, you'll see why he sometimes has trouble making up his mind.
00:30I'm Herman's intellect. Without me, he couldn't hold his job, pay his rent, or tie his shoes.
00:35I'm Herman's sensitivity. Without me, he wouldn't feel tenderness, honesty, or love. The good things in life.
00:41I'm Herman's anxiety, and I keep him out of trouble. And believe me, there's trouble everywhere.
00:47I'm Herman's lust. Without me, he'd miss out on all the good stuff. You know, fun, food, things.
00:53Sometimes they agree. Usually they don't. But this struggle is going on inside all of us. And it's all going on inside Herman Penn.
01:17Bracken's looking for you. He wants coffee. Bracken can make his own damn coffee.
01:23Well, you're not your usual subservient, Sal. Sit on it and spin, Hetty.
01:29Louise, are you all right? Yeah. I'm just practicing the techniques I learned in my assertiveness training class last night. I've got a brand new personality.
01:37I hope you kept the receipt. Bite me. Isn't it neat?
01:43It could use a little fine-tuning. Mr. Bracken's interviewing someone else?
01:48That's right. One of us was out. I knew it. We're gonna get replaced.
01:53Nonsense. Bracken knows perfectly well we've been working our tail off.
01:57Yeah, we work damn hard at making... selling... What the hell is it we do here?
02:04We are a fact checker. You are a roughing pig.
02:09Oh, right. Come on. Bracken isn't replacing anyone. He's probably just expanding the staff.
02:16Well, I don't care. If I get fired, too bad. Then I'm out.
02:20Very impressive, Nancy. Louise, where's my coffee?
02:25I have value, sir. I am not just a coffee maker. Get your own coffee. There, I said it and I'm happy.
02:35No cream, too sugar.
02:37Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir. I didn't even mean to. Let's get this sort of in this training class. I walked into the wrong room and I didn't have the nerve to leave.
02:44And send in my next appointment.
02:48Hey, Louise. Shove it, Jay.
02:51Hey, how's it going? How's this new girl today?
02:54Oh, don't ask for a moment. I don't get it. I'm seeing this woman for two weeks. You know what she says to me? I'm insensitive, self-centered, and I don't listen well.
03:02Jay, I'm sorry. What'd you say?
03:04I hung up on her. Who wants to hear that?
03:08Oh, hey, you up for McAnally's? It is Tuesday.
03:10Best price drinks for the ladies.
03:12Forget it. They're firing people.
03:14But stay late. Work hard.
03:16Brown nose.
03:17No, I'm sick of working. We've been working day and night at this thing we do.
03:22Go for fun.
03:23You are not in charge here, my flatulent friend.
03:27First, don't make fun of my weight.
03:30And C, I want a woman.
03:33How can women say I'm insensitive? I have feelings.
03:41It's because I don't feel things. Doesn't mean I don't have feelings.
03:44Of course not, Jay. I gotta get over this.
03:48I'm over it.
03:51Hi.
03:53Wanna sit on my magic lap?
03:56What a great line.
03:57You see that? We can do that.
03:59No, we are going to be simple and direct. We are going to be ourselves.
04:03Hi. I'm Herman. I was wondering if I could buy you a drink?
04:09Get lost.
04:12We're taking a direct hit with our shield down, so I cannot hold her much longer.
04:18Well, then I guess there's not much chance I'd like to sit on my magic lap.
04:22Try me.
04:24I move on. Can I buy you a drink?
04:27I can't believe that line worked.
04:28It wasn't the line. It was how uncomfortable you looked saying that.
04:32It was kind of sweet.
04:34So would you do?
04:35I work in the research department at Waterton Publishing.
04:37I'm a gatherer of useless information.
04:40Sense of humor, ego in control, honest and direct.
04:44All I need is a sexual history and we're out of here, pal.
04:47Well, um, sex was first used in the 1600s by the Huns.
04:56I've heard enough.
04:58Let's get in your place.
05:00Don't anybody move.
05:03I don't know how this happened.
05:05All I know is that it's happening.
05:07Nobody screw this up.
05:09Don't make me kill you.
05:12We don't want to make any mistakes.
05:14Now, I want you to think long and hard about this.
05:17We've got to feel this woman out.
05:20Get the hell out of here.
05:27Okay, well, if you change your mind and you and your girlfriend break up, here's my number.
05:32This is it, my home.
05:45That's very nice.
05:47Well, let me give you the tour.
05:49This is the office slash kitchen slash living room slash bedroom slash wrist.
05:56God, this place is small.
05:58Herman, it's not how big it is.
06:03It's how you use it.
06:07I think she's going to start without us.
06:11Can't you see?
06:12This girl is meaty.
06:13Yeah.
06:14So let's give and give generously.
06:17We bought those condoms.
06:18We may as well use them.
06:20I hate to rain on this erotic parade.
06:23However, we know nothing about this woman.
06:26So, tell me a little about yourself.
06:32Well, we know she's friendly.
06:37And she's had her wisdom teeth removed.
06:41I don't think it's removed.
06:42her.
06:43Well, we know she's friendly.
06:44Are you sure you want to do this?
06:45No promises, no expectations, just one night of mutual pleasure.
06:46Yvonne, are you sure you want to do this?
06:50No promises, no expectations.
06:52Just one night of mutual pleasure.
06:55You know, there's something about this woman I really like.
06:59I can't put my finger on it, though.
07:02Oh, Herman.
07:04Well, maybe I can.
07:12Hello.
07:12Oh, make up a sleazy hand.
07:16You look wonderful.
07:19How about some coffee?
07:23She's naked.
07:25Mrs. Kovacs.
07:28What?
07:29Our old next-door neighbor, Mrs. Kovacs.
07:31The first woman we ever saw naked.
07:39Mrs. Kovacs.
07:42Oh, great Kovacs.
07:45Coffee, Yvonne.
07:46How about some breakfast?
07:47I really don't have time.
07:50I'm going to make omelets.
07:50I hope you like mushrooms.
07:52Is it really appropriate for us to be eating omelets
07:54while Bracken is interviewing our replacement?
07:56He's right.
07:57We should be at work early.
07:58Show her the door.
08:00Isn't this great?
08:02Fresh coffee when you wake up.
08:04Good, solid breakfast.
08:06That's very nice, Yvonne.
08:07You know, I really should be going, though.
08:09These eggs are too fluffy!
08:10I'm sorry, Herman.
08:14It's just that last night was so wonderful
08:17and I just wanted to top it off with a great breakfast
08:20and now the eggs have come out fluffy.
08:23Well, I was fairly psychotic.
08:31Run, I...
08:32I like fluffy eggs.
08:34Well, fluffy eggs is coming right up.
08:45She's narrowing it down.
08:46I'm sick of this.
08:47I've been working like a dog.
08:48I only took a two-hour lunch yesterday.
08:50I do not know how much more of this I can take.
08:54Let's just go about our business
08:55and do our job the way we've always done.
08:59No, you don't need to thank me for those 15 projects.
09:01We've got to enjoy that.
09:03I am so sorry, Herman.
09:04Screw that up.
09:05I'll have that fixed for you right away.
09:09I'll have that decision for you by tomorrow.
09:12Louise, coffee.
09:13Just a second.
09:14That is so unfair.
09:15You are always asking Louise for coffee.
09:17What?
09:18Oh, how do you know I can make coffee, too?
09:21Well, Harry, if it means that much to you,
09:23knock yourself out.
09:25Louise, how do you work as a coffee maker?
09:28It helps if you lick the socket before you plug it in.
09:36I'd like to order a cup of coffee to be delivered.
09:40Harry, where's that coffee?
09:41It's on its way, sir.
09:42Uh, Mr. Bracken?
09:44I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation,
09:46but I couldn't help noticing all the interviewing
09:47you've been doing.
09:48Let's just say there's going to be some changes
09:50made around here.
09:51Some of you might not like it,
09:52but that's the nature of change.
09:54Either keep up or you die.
09:59Well, thanks for alleviating our fears.
10:05Research.
10:06It's Yvonne.
10:09Ken?
10:10That's the twelfth time this morning.
10:12Now, now.
10:13Let's not overreact.
10:14Yes, she's a little needy.
10:15A little?
10:16This Yvonne is a fucking vortex of need.
10:20I'm not in.
10:21He's not in.
10:23Guess I'll tell him.
10:26Look, it's just she's been calling every ten minutes.
10:28You know, if I didn't know you better,
10:31I'd think you were one of those
10:32cruddy, two-timing,
10:33get-what-you-can-then-dumper,
10:34never call and pretend they never met you
10:35when they run into you
10:36at the water cooler kind of guys.
10:39Of course, I'm no expert.
10:42Louise, I promise,
10:43I'll take care of it as soon as I see you.
10:46Herman!
10:48Yvonne!
10:49You are here.
10:50Uh, what a nice surprise.
10:52Didn't you just call?
10:53Yeah, from the lobby.
10:55So, where have you been?
10:56I was getting worried.
10:57Oh, we've been really busy.
10:59Oh, good.
11:00Well, then lunch with me
11:01will be a nice break for you.
11:02I'd love to, but I'm swamped.
11:04Dinner?
11:06Yvonne, look, you're a nice person,
11:07but all the phone calls
11:09and showing up in my office
11:10is making me a little uncomfortable.
11:12Uncomfortable?
11:14You satisfy your animalistic urges
11:16all night long
11:17and you're uncomfortable?
11:19Does anyone else notice
11:20there's a woman yelling at us
11:21in the office?
11:24What's going on out here?
11:26Lunch gets company policy,
11:27Sir Herman has an uninvited guest.
11:30Just leaving, sir.
11:31Yes, lunch would be good.
11:32Lunch sounds great.
11:34Look, we've got to end
11:35this relationship now.
11:37Oh, right, but at least
11:37let's buy her lunch
11:38to show we can.
11:39Now, the woman's a pain in the butt.
11:40I say we dump her now.
11:42Hey!
11:44Yvonne, we have to get
11:45something straight.
11:46I need a little more time with this.
11:49Yvonne, why are you
11:50stopping the elevator?
11:51I can't help it.
11:52Whenever I think about
11:53last night, I get chills.
11:55Yvonne.
11:55Herman, I have
11:57something for you.
12:01Well, that explains
12:02the chills.
12:05Everybody huddle up.
12:08Change of game plan.
12:10What are we doing?
12:11We cannot lead her on.
12:13Has anyone considered
12:14the possibility
12:15that this woman
12:16might be insane?
12:18Oh, Herman.
12:21Oh, Yvonne.
12:23Oh, Mrs. Kovac.
12:31Oh, Herman, there you are.
12:33How was lunch?
12:34Uh, we ordered in.
12:35Good thing.
12:37The elevator's been out.
12:44I just climbed
12:4526 flights of stairs.
12:47I nearly had a heart attack.
12:50Here's my coffee order,
12:51Mr. Bracken.
12:52Oh, good.
12:53Caffeine.
12:54That always helps
12:55a rapidly pounding heart.
12:56When I find out
12:59who was in that elevator,
13:00I'm going to kill him.
13:03So how'd she take the news?
13:05Oh, there was some
13:06moaning and groaning,
13:07but overall,
13:07she took it surprisingly well.
13:08Good-bye.
13:27Herman, how are you?
13:28Oh, I felt terrible
13:29without yelling at you
13:30in your office,
13:31and I wanted to make up
13:32by cooking dinner for you.
13:33Do you like lasagna?
13:35Yvonne, when I said
13:35I needed more time today,
13:37I meant more
13:37than a few hours.
13:39Oh.
13:40Well, I'll just be
13:41on my way then.
13:43I don't know what I'll do
13:43with all this food.
13:46Didn't our time
13:46in the elevator
13:47mean anything to you?
13:48I'm sorry.
13:49Come in for a minute.
13:54Herman, we are going
13:55to have to do something
13:56about this couch.
13:58Yvonne, about the elevator.
14:00Wasn't that great?
14:01I saw that in a movie
14:02with Glenn Close.
14:06Isn't somebody dying
14:07in that movie?
14:08Small price to pay
14:08for great sex.
14:10Can't you see
14:11what she's doing?
14:12She's substituting
14:12sex for intimacy.
14:14Is that what you want?
14:15You don't know me
14:16very well, do you?
14:19Ron, what I did
14:20was wrong.
14:20I mean, I shouldn't have done it,
14:22but I'm...
14:22I'm not ready
14:24for a commitment.
14:27Commitment?
14:28It's just bad timing.
14:30Timing?
14:31Yeah, it's funny.
14:32Look, Yvonne,
14:32you want a little
14:34teensy-weensy bit more
14:36than I'm willing
14:36to give.
14:37I see.
14:38You do?
14:38Yeah.
14:39And I am not
14:41going to let you
14:41get away with that
14:42again this time,
14:43Buster.
14:44This time?
14:44You always blame me.
14:46Yvonne, we don't
14:47have an always.
14:48We have maybe
14:4818 hours.
14:50Every time
14:51some tiny little
14:52thing comes up,
14:52you just let it
14:53build and build
14:54until you take
14:55it out on me.
14:56Well, I am tired
14:58of doing it, bud.
15:01How the hell
15:01is she doing
15:02this stuff?
15:04The woman is
15:05holding a butcher
15:05knife.
15:06Say something.
15:07Yvonne, I really
15:08like you,
15:10but I need
15:12my space.
15:13Space?
15:15Perhaps space
15:16is the wrong word.
15:18Stop it, woman.
15:18Everything that
15:20we have invested
15:21in this relationship
15:22is over.
15:24The elevator,
15:25the fluffy eggs,
15:26the half-priced
15:27drinks, gone.
15:28I am walking
15:29out that door
15:30and you
15:31will never
15:32see me
15:33again.
15:37We're alive,
15:38yeah!
15:40Thank God!
15:42Bolt the door.
15:43What a nutcase.
15:45We've still got
15:46our number, right?
15:48Yeah, that would
15:53be gaggle of
15:54geese, pride of
15:55lions, pack of
15:56wolves, swarm of
15:57bees, flock of
15:57sheep, bunch of
15:58stuff.
16:01You don't buy it,
16:02huh?
16:03I thought I could
16:04blow it past you.
16:04I'll call you back.
16:07Well, that's the
16:08rest of the operation
16:09here at Waterton.
16:10Now, if you'll just
16:11step into my office,
16:12we can finalize this.
16:13Oh, Mr. Bracken,
16:14I bought this
16:15yesterday and it
16:15just wasn't right
16:16for me, so I
16:17thought maybe you'd
16:17like it.
16:18Uh, Hedy, it's a
16:22tie.
16:22I know, can you
16:23believe I did that?
16:26It has my
16:27initials embroidered
16:28on it.
16:28I know, can you
16:29believe I did that?
16:32Thanks, Hedy.
16:34Yes.
16:35Can you believe
16:36she did that?
16:39How's it going
16:40with Yvonne?
16:41Oh, I told her.
16:42It was a little
16:43awkward, but I
16:43did it.
16:44I knew it!
16:45I knew you were
16:46that type of guy.
16:48I hope she's
16:48going to be okay.
16:49Oh, she'll be
16:50just fine.
16:56Did I tell her
16:57you're not in?
16:58Herman, what are you
17:03doing?
17:03Herman, my life
17:06is over.
17:07Well, listen up,
17:08people.
17:08I have an
17:08announcement to
17:09make.
17:10I've made an
17:10important decision.
17:13Herman, who is
17:15there?
17:16Oh, just a friend.
17:17You were a
17:18thing?
17:18Would you ask
17:19your friend to
17:20come in off the
17:20ledge, please?
17:22Yes, sir.
17:22I was just about
17:23to do that right
17:24now.
17:24Herman, wait.
17:25Don't try to
17:25stop me.
17:26Who's trying to
17:27stop me?
17:27Just tell me
17:27that it's cold
17:28out there.
17:28One knows
17:29an exact
17:29later on.
17:31Thanks,
17:32Freddie.
17:32I appreciate
17:33the concern.
17:43Does anyone
17:43realize that
17:44we're 26 floors
17:45up?
17:45We are on the
17:46outside of the
17:46buildings, and we
17:47possess absolutely
17:48no superpowers.
17:49Ron, what are
17:55you doing out
17:56here?
17:57I can't go on
17:58without you,
17:58Herman.
17:59There's no point.
18:01If we fall, try
18:03not to hit any
18:04women or children.
18:05Have we hurtled
18:06to the concrete at
18:07132 miles an hour?
18:09Keep it in mind.
18:17All the things we
18:18share, didn't
18:19they mean anything
18:20to you?
18:22No.
18:23Who said that?
18:26Why don't we
18:26just shove her
18:27off the ledge?
18:28You are no longer
18:29allowed to speak.
18:30Angel, do some
18:30of that sensitive
18:31tripe you're so
18:32good at.
18:33No.
18:34Well, I don't
18:35understand.
18:36Yvonne, I don't
18:37like you.
18:38That's sensitive?
18:40It's honest.
18:42Adam was right.
18:42We don't like her.
18:44You don't like me?
18:47You don't like me?
18:50Wait a minute.
18:50Let me think about
18:51that for a minute.
18:52Now, I know how
18:54to handle a guy
18:54who doesn't want
18:55a commitment and
18:55a guy who needs
18:56space, but you,
18:58you, you don't
19:00like me?
19:01No, I don't like
19:02you.
19:03Then what the hell
19:03am I doing on
19:04this ledge?
19:05You're not going
19:06to push me, are
19:07you?
19:08Yvonne, what I
19:09did was a mistake.
19:10I knew it was
19:11a mistake the
19:12very next day.
19:12Well, why didn't
19:13you say something
19:14before?
19:14I don't want to
19:15hurt your feelings.
19:16I don't want a
19:17guy who doesn't
19:17like me.
19:18Well, I don't
19:18like you.
19:20Not even a little.
19:21It was really
19:21physical.
19:22It meant nothing
19:22to me, you know,
19:23in fact.
19:23All right, all right.
19:24I get the point.
19:24I'm on a ledge,
19:25remember?
19:26I really hate to
19:28interrupt you two.
19:30Hello, I'm Yvonne,
19:31Herman's friend.
19:31Nice to meet you.
19:33Herman, you are
19:34gathering a crowd.
19:35It's all right.
19:36I was just on my way.
19:37Are you coming
19:40in?
19:41No, there's not
19:41much point in my
19:42being out here
19:42now, is there?
19:47Thank God you're
19:48all right, Herman.
19:49Fine.
19:51Yvonne, are you
19:51okay?
19:52I'm fine.
19:53Herman, I just
19:54want to say one
19:55thing.
19:56You pig.
19:58You use me.
20:00I buy you drinks,
20:01make love with you
20:02in the elevator,
20:03and you just
20:04toss me aside.
20:05Did she say
20:09elevator?
20:12I don't think so.
20:13It certainly
20:13sounded like
20:14elevator to me.
20:16Herman, is there
20:16anyone else out
20:17there we should
20:18know about?
20:18No, sir.
20:19I think that's it.
20:20Good.
20:20Listen up.
20:21There are going
20:21to be some
20:22changes around
20:23here, some
20:23long overdue
20:24changes.
20:24I think I know
20:25where you're
20:25going with this,
20:26but let me tell
20:26you, we do
20:27good work around
20:28here.
20:28You know, I
20:29give 110% here
20:30every day, and
20:31Louise, no one
20:32works harder than
20:33Louise.
20:34And as far as
20:34Hedy is concerned,
20:36no one works
20:37harder than
20:38Louise.
20:39Okay, okay,
20:40sometimes we have
20:41people crawling
20:42on the ledge,
20:43that happens.
20:45By the way,
20:45Hedy, it's a
20:46little nippy out
20:46there, you
20:47might want to
20:47wear a jacket.
20:48So go ahead
20:49and fire someone,
20:50but as far as
20:51I'm concerned,
20:51this stinks.
20:53What the hell
20:53are you talking
20:54about?
20:54I'm just trying
20:55to tell you
20:55we're going
20:55to be changing
20:56software.
20:58Software.
20:59Yeah, I just
21:01hired Mr. Harper.
21:02He'll be helping
21:03you with the
21:03transition.
21:04Now, get back
21:05to work.
21:07And Herman,
21:08tomorrow when
21:08you come to
21:09work, you
21:09use the
21:10stairs.
21:14Yes, sir.
21:15Ready?
21:16Coffee.
21:17Coffee.
21:26Oh, Herman,
21:27I'm really glad
21:28you're okay.
21:29Thanks, Louise.
21:31I hope we've all
21:31learned something
21:32from this.
21:33Choose your
21:33woman carefully.
21:34And get to
21:35know her.
21:36And love is the
21:37most important
21:37thing.
21:38And that sit
21:38on my magic lap
21:39is a great
21:40line.
21:42Is that all
21:43you learned?
21:44Oh, yeah.
21:45And don't
21:45bop freaky
21:46chicks.
21:50I guess I
21:50learned my
21:51lesson.
21:52You feel sorry
21:52for the next
21:53slob she
21:53snags.
21:55Hey, you won't
21:56believe the woman
21:56I just met in the
21:57elevator.
21:57She's making
21:59lasagna
21:59tonight at my
22:00place.
22:10You know, when
22:11they were handing
22:11out guts, this
22:13guy went back
22:13for seconds.
22:14Now, who are we
22:14talking about
22:15here?
22:15Homer Simpson.
22:16You've got to
22:16be joking.
22:16Absolutely not.
22:17The city of
22:18Springfield about
22:18to go up in
22:19flames and a
22:20nuclear meltdown.
22:21And who do you
22:21think is the man
22:22that saves the
22:22day?
22:23Homer Simpson
22:23saves the day
22:24on this Thursday
22:24Night Simpsons.
22:25Absolutely.
22:25I can't wait.
22:26Also, don't
22:26forget Beverly
22:27Hills 90210 and
22:28an all-new Drexel's
22:29class.
22:29It's all happening
22:30Thursday.
22:30Stay tuned for
22:31the Sunday
22:31Comics next.
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