- 3 months ago
To encourage Mr Brackman to quit smoking, Herman accepts his challenge to give up sugar.
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00:00This is Herman Brooks. Herman is just like the rest of us. Every day he has to make all kinds
00:11of decisions. Like what to wear, whom to date, and when to panic. Now these decisions should be easy,
00:22but if you take a look inside Herman's head, you'll see why he sometimes has trouble making up his mind.
00:31I'm Herman's intellect. Without me, he couldn't hold his job, pay his rent, or tie his shoes.
00:37I'm Herman's sensitivity. Without me, he wouldn't feel tenderness, honesty, or love. The good things
00:42in life. I'm Herman's anxiety, and I keep him out of trouble. And believe me, there's trouble
00:48everywhere. I'm Herman's lust. Without me, he'd miss out on all the good stuff.
00:52You know, fun, food, things. Sometimes they agree. Usually they don't. But this struggle
01:00is going on inside all of us. And it's all going on inside Herman's head.
01:17You're not looking through the personals again. Jay, don't you remember what happened last
01:21time with that woman? First of all, Herman, the hair grew back. And second, I'm not reading the
01:27personals. I'm looking through the career opportunity section. I told you, Waterton
01:31Publishing is not going broke. We just lost some money last year. Hey, it is rough out there,
01:35Hermo. Nobody is hiring right now. If Waterton does start cutting back, I'll need something stable
01:40and secure to fall back on. Huh. Here we go be an actor. Jay, have you ever acted before?
01:48Are you kidding? Listen to this. I love you. I have always loved you. I wouldn't ask you
01:57to do this with me if I didn't love you. That's acting. Good morning, all. Good morning, Herman.
02:07Good morning, Louise. What is that smell? This is New York City, Herman. Which smell do you mean?
02:13The burning smell. Oh, that. I think Mr. Bracken started smoking again. He hasn't smoked in three
02:19years. I can't believe he'd start again. Mr. Bracken, are you smoking? No, Herman, I'm on fire.
02:28Don't you know you're polluting the air? And you're forcing us to breathe your smoke. Besides
02:32that, there is a more tragic and personal side to all of this. Exactly. You're sticking up my clothes.
02:42This is my department, and I will smoke if I want to. Mr. Waterton doesn't like it.
02:47I don't care. Good morning, everyone. Oh, Mr. Waterton. Hello, Paul. Good of you to come
02:55down and see us, sir. This is Sally Wainwright. She's with the consulting company I hired to
02:59help me cut costs. Hello? Hello. I heard we lost a little money. A little money is when
03:05you lose $20 at the dry cleaners. I lost $50 million. You checked your other pants? Twice.
03:17Well, we have other departments to see. Bye, Paul. All right, let's get back to work.
03:25Mr. Bracken. Herman, you're not going to be one of those pain in the neck, don't smoke
03:29around me kind of people, are you? Well, as a matter of fact, I am. Fine. I won't smoke
03:34in the office. Herman, it was very brave of you to confront him like that. Well, if he wants
03:41to smoke, he's just going to have to go outside. Mr. Bracken, what are you doing out there?
03:51Smoking. I hope I'm not bothering you. This is ridiculous. Why don't you just stop?
03:56You think it's so easy? I'm not saying it's easy, but if I had to do it, I could. Oh, you
04:00say that because you never smoke. Let me see you give up something that you're addicted
04:04to. Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Bracken, but I don't have any addictions. Oh, really? How about
04:10that four pounds of sugar you eat every day? Every time I look at you, you're eating a
04:14donut, a bear claw, or a cookie. That's not an addiction. I eat that stuff because I like
04:18it. Besides, I can quit anytime I want to. I tell you what, I'll quit smoking. Let me
04:22see you give up sugar. Fine. I can do that. I mean all sugar. This is a wonderful opportunity
04:28to help Mr. Bracken stop smoking. And if we don't eat sugar, we'll show him how easy it
04:33is to give up an addiction. Yeah, what's in it for us? We'll be contributing to the
04:36health and well-being of someone we care about. What's in it for us? Sex. I'm in. You better
04:47know how to speak his language. Okay, I don't eat sugar and you don't smoke. Let the games
04:54begin. Who are you kidding, Herman? You can't go one hour without eating sugar. You want
05:10to bet? Yeah. If you lose, you have to take me to the finest restaurant in New York. And
05:15if I win? Then I guess somebody else will have to take me. Okay, are you okay? Beacon
05:32Friday. Oh. Tomorrow, gentle rosebud opening on the first day of spring. Hey. What the hell?
05:40What the hell was that all about? I'm serious about finding another career, Herm. I started
05:48an acting class. I discovered I'm a thespian trapped in a man's body. Donut, Herman? What's
06:05wrong with him? I don't know. He's been like that for the last two days. Oh, this is ridiculous.
06:11Someone should talk to him. Not me. Well, I'll draw straws. You lose. Well, fair spare.
06:26Oh, excuse me. Oh, boy. A healthy rice cake and black coffee. No sugar. Not bad. It's going
06:46very well. I want it. But it's sturdy and moldy. Oh, no, no. Don't think of it as dirt. Think
07:06of it as minerals. And technically, mold could be considered a vegetable. I'm sold. Let's
07:12eat. Oh, my God. We're holding garbage on our hands and contemplating eating it. Mr. Bracken
07:17is right. We are addicted to sugar. Okay, okay. I don't have to eat it. Just let me lick
07:24it once. We've heard that before. Hi, Herman. Hi, Louise. How you doing? How's the back
07:37going? I'm doing fine, Louise. Do you think Mr. Bracken stuck to his deal? Well, I don't
07:41know. So, did you smoke last night? Good for you. Hi, is Paul Bracken in? Why, yes, he
07:55is. Who may I say is here? Bob Kelly, vice president with the company. Senior VP or junior
07:59VP? Senior. Married? No. Engaged? No. Are you gay? No. Hi, I'm Petty Newman. Kelly, what
08:07are you doing here? Well, you're not going to believe this, but that consultant Waterton
08:10hired is recommending cutting my whole department. So? What are you telling me for? Well, rumor
08:16has it a lot more departments are going to be cut. I came here to tell you there's an
08:19employee's meeting tomorrow. See if we can stop it. 4 p.m., McAnally's. Oh, my God.
08:25We're all going to lose our jobs. Oh, Louise, stop it. He was talking about other departments.
08:30Research is vital to this company. We have nothing to worry about. Harm a nobody. What do you
08:37say we postponed that little agreement? Well, considering the pressure we may be under
08:41this... Ah! I knew it! I knew you couldn't do it. I won the bet. We're going to do it,
08:46Hetty. We're just not going to do it now. We're not while the company's in trouble. Oh,
08:49you're just using this little scare as a way to get out of the bet. You think it's so easy.
08:53Let's see you give up something. I have nothing to give up. I don't smoke. I don't stuff my
08:57face with sugar. I'm perfect. Ask any man I've ever dated. Aha! Men, that's your addiction.
09:03Don't be ridiculous. You can't be addicted to men. Yuh-huh. I saw it on Oprah.
09:10Well, unlike those losers on Oprah, I can take it any time I want to. Oh, yeah? Well,
09:16let's see you try, Hetty. Fine. I'll give up men. Piece of cake. Chocolate cake. Kiss my butt.
09:24Oh, some other time, Herman. I've given up men. All right. All right. All right. No sugar,
09:30no cigarettes, no men. I want to do it, too. I want to give up something. I'm going to give up
09:35horseradish. Louise, when you get a real addiction, let us know. All right. Let's get back to work
09:43like it was a normal day. Hello, again. I just came from accounting. Had to let go of half the
09:48department. Well, let's see what we can do here. Just go about your business. Don't mind me.
09:53Looks like I picked a bad day to give up horseradish.
10:10Another delicious breakfast of rice cakes, Herman.
10:16So, how's your love life? Couldn't be better, Herman. I dated myself last night. I took myself
10:22out for a wonderful dinner, but over dessert, I got a little mad at myself. So, this morning,
10:26I sent myself flowers and a lovely note of apology. Okay. So, after one day, you're obviously
10:31completely deranged. Good morning, Louise. Brazil nuts. What? I'm giving up Brazil nuts. I've had
10:39that monkey on my back way too long. Courage, Louise. The most important thing is to keep a level
10:44head. Don't let anything rattle you. Ah, who the hell put this chocolate donut on my desk?
10:53That is a sick thing to do, and whoever did it is a sick, sick person. That was my donut.
11:01Not to worry, I've done this before. Look what we're doing. We're behaving like a lunatic in front
11:06of this woman. I think that we should... Eat some cake. What about Mr. Bracken? We're helping support
11:12his effort to stop smoking. I think we should eat some cake. Why don't we... Cake!
11:22You'll have to excuse, Herman. He's a little on edge today. Brazil nuts?
11:28I thought you gave up Brazil nuts. Couldn't kick it, Herman. It was too big.
11:34Yeah, I don't want you to get the wrong idea, Miss Wainwright. I mean, normally,
11:36this is a very productive, warm, nurturing office. Oh, yeah? Well, I got something for you, too.
11:48Good morning, Miss Wainwright. Excuse me, Paul. I wanted to... Leave me alone.
11:53I was only talking to Paul. What? Your story, pal. Why do you keep throwing yourself at me?
11:56I told you, I'm off, man. I'm clean. Now, I never want to see you again.
11:59Eddie, Herman, Louise, can I see you in my office, please?
12:09I'm calling this off. Well, you can't do that. We made a deal.
12:12Herman, we are about to lose our jobs. I'm smoking, you're eating, you're dating, and
12:16Louise, I don't even remember what you were giving up.
12:20I'm giving up being negative. From now on, no more negativity.
12:25Forget it. The deal is off.
12:27Yes!
12:28Louise!
12:28Are you talking to Herman? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We're in too far. We can't
12:32give up now. The last three days have been hell, and I am not going to go through this
12:35again. Herman, this just isn't a time to do this.
12:38Mr. Bracken, I know we're under a lot of pressure, but there's always going to be an
12:41excuse. I say we do it. And if we don't, what do you propose to do about it?
12:46I am a man, and I'll do what a man has to do.
12:55I'll call your wife and tell on you.
12:58Herman, does the expression, tell-tale you smell, mean anything to you?
13:09Herman?
13:11Put the bone out!
13:12I just wanted to let you all know that I'm leaving.
13:24On behalf of the research staff, we're glad you came.
13:27It won't be tomorrow. I'm recommending that this department be completely dismantled.
13:32Thank you, and have a nice day.
13:34I don't know what they think this meeting is going to do. Waterton is going to fire
13:46whomever he wants to fire.
13:47Yeah, I'm not kidding.
13:48Louise, what the hell are you having in your mouth?
13:51Chewing tobacco.
13:54Little pinch to my cheek and gum, I'm ready to roll.
13:58Louise, why did you start chewing tobacco?
14:00So I can give it up. Let me tell you something. It's going to be easy.
14:08Oh, God, a mime.
14:15Have you been a mime long?
14:18Have you ever been thrown through a plate glass window?
14:22Lighten up, Mr. Bracken. It's me, Jay.
14:24Jay, what are you doing dressed like that?
14:28Part of my training. All great actors were once mimes. Watch.
14:35What am I doing?
14:37Making a jackass out of yourself.
14:40I'm going to France, where I'll be appreciated.
14:43Don't let the imaginary door hit you on the way out.
14:47Hi.
14:48Well, I'm glad to see you people have made it.
14:51I've got some news for you.
14:54Just a second. Do I smell baked goods?
14:55Yes, as a matter of fact, we're setting up a refreshment table.
14:59Refreshments? What kind of refreshments?
15:01Cookies, cakes, brownies, pies, puddings, candies, donuts, ice cream sundaes.
15:09Are these going to be freshly baked baked goods?
15:12Sure.
15:14Well, I've been meeting over the past couple of days with Miss Wainwright,
15:19discussing a number of options we might take.
15:21And as for the sundaes, are those going to be make-your-own sundaes?
15:24Will you leave the man alone with the stupid refreshments
15:26that came over here to talk to us for a reason?
15:29I'm very attracted to you.
15:30And don't talk to me.
15:33Look, if you're not interested in hearing what I have to say,
15:35we can just wait until I make my announcement to the entire group, all right?
15:37Wait, don't go.
15:39Hi, what are you guys talking about?
15:40The man was talking about cakes and then cookies and...
15:43Why did you put that out?
15:45Because I'm dumb.
15:46Then light another one, damn it.
15:48Is he all right?
15:49Don't talk to me. Why are you talking to me?
15:51I think I've got a meeting to start.
15:53He was going to light another one. I know he was.
15:56Now, if I can have everyone's attention, please, we can get started.
16:00Excuse me, excuse me. Where are the baked goods?
16:02I was promised baked goods.
16:05I'm sure they're on their way.
16:07Now, if there are no further questions, we can begin.
16:10I have a question.
16:12I'm sure that you do.
16:13Why do you keep staring at me like that?
16:16Could you please sit down?
16:18You want me and you know it.
16:21Now, what's the matter with you people?
16:23What you need is a cigarette.
16:25So, come on and turn it off.
16:27I'll do it.
16:29If the people in research are through interrupting, we can finally begin.
16:33Now, I've met with Miss Wainwright and we've come to an agreement.
16:36If everyone will take a 5% pay cut for the next two quarters, no one will be fired.
16:43Except for the research department.
16:48Our consultant recommends that we use an outside firm for research.
16:52She also suggests that you seek immediate psychiatric care.
16:55I don't know about you, but I'm not going to sit here and take this.
17:02I'm going to do something about it.
17:07Clear the decks.
17:12All bets are off.
17:13It's over.
17:20We're unemployed.
17:22Man, I could use a chew right about now.
17:40Who's the nougat?
17:41Wait a minute.
17:47I have an idea.
17:49Look at us.
17:50Are we going to let it end like this?
17:52Are we going to give up without a fight?
17:53We have nothing to lose.
17:54And with nothing to lose, we have everything to gain.
17:57So, I say we go see Waterton and try to get our jobs back.
18:02God, what a sugar rush.
18:03Don't you people believe in knocking?
18:11Knocking is for people who have something to lose, and we have nothing to lose.
18:15You've got my interest?
18:16Go on.
18:17Herman, I'll handle this.
18:19Mr. Waterton.
18:21Mr. Waterton.
18:23You'll have to excuse Mr. Bracken, sir.
18:25He just smoked his own body weight in tobacco.
18:26Very impressive.
18:29Thank you, sir.
18:30Sir?
18:35We must present our case in an organized manner.
18:38Well, you're probably wondering why we're here.
18:41First, Mr. Bracken said there was nothing to worry about then.
18:44He started smoking, so I gave up cookies.
18:46Then the woman came, so we had a meeting.
18:47And Eddie hasn't been on a date, because Louise is chewing tobacco.
18:51That's why Bob Kelly gave me cookies.
18:53So, we ate, and then we came up here to talk to you.
18:58Is it hot in here?
19:06Crash and burn.
19:09That was a fine story.
19:11Now, what the hell was he talking about?
19:12Mr. Watson, the reason we're here is that we really...
19:14Hello?
19:15Oh, Adam, I'm sorry.
19:18I can't talk right now.
19:19I'm with the president of the company.
19:21Oh, the Bahamas?
19:22Would you excuse me?
19:23My aunt is very ill.
19:24I'll be just a second.
19:27Mr. Waterton.
19:29We're here because you've dismantled our department.
19:32We've come to get our jobs back.
19:35By the way, this is a really nifty spittoon.
19:38It's not a spittoon.
19:39It's my mother's ashes.
19:40Mr. Waterton, I am so sorry.
19:47It's okay.
19:47She was one big royal pain in the ass anyway.
19:52Wow.
19:53How long was I out for?
19:55Long enough for me to spit on his mother's grave.
19:59Let me get this straight.
20:00You've all been fired, right?
20:02Yes, sir.
20:03That's right.
20:04Clearly, you people are lunatics.
20:05I've never seen such stressed-out, bizarre behavior in my whole life.
20:11I like it.
20:13Why did you let her fire us?
20:16You people may be insane and incredibly overworked,
20:18but you're the best research department in the business.
20:21And if that consultant fired you,
20:23then she's crazier than all of us put together.
20:25Now get back to work.
20:26Thank you, Mr. Waterton.
20:28By the way, Herman, that 50 million,
20:30it was in my gray slacks the whole time.
20:32Well, that was a close one.
20:40Yes, it was.
20:42Good thing Mr. Waterton is crazier than we are.
20:44He sure is.
20:45Is it a good day tonight?
20:47No.
20:47Me neither.
20:48Want to go to the movies?
20:49Sure, what the heck.
20:50You know, maybe I have been focusing too much on men.
20:53This will be good for me.
20:54Not having to worry about how much a man is willing to give me
20:56or what he's going to do for me.
20:59Aren't you going to open the door for me?
21:00Mind if I join you?
21:12Pull up some lead.
21:13Sit down.
21:17Cigarette?
21:18Oh, no thanks.
21:19I've got a three-month-old donut
21:20I've been saving for a special occasion.
21:27You know, Mr. Bracken, I owe you an apology.
21:29You do?
21:29Yeah, I guess I got kind of preachy there for a while.
21:34It's very easy to tell someone to kick an addiction.
21:36It's a lot harder to do it.
21:37I realize that now.
21:39Well, thank you, Herman.
21:40I know I should quit, but it's not easy.
21:43I understand.
21:44Believe me, I understand.
21:47I really wish you'd try to stop, though.
21:50Herman, I'm just your boss.
21:52Why do you care if I smoke?
21:54Mr. Bracken, I wouldn't be out here with you right now
21:56if you were just my boss.
21:58My wife won't let me smoke.
21:59My kids won't let me smoke.
22:01Now you won't let me smoke.
22:03It must be awful having that many people care about you.
22:06Is that headed on now?
22:18Yeah, that's her.
22:19Hey, watch it!
22:27To their families, they are mothers and wives.
22:34But to police, they're the nation's most dangerous women.
22:38Hi, I'm Chuck Cameron from Power 92.
22:40And Get a Life and Sunday Comics are next on Fox TV 8.
22:43The former cop and Playboy Bunny convicted of murder.
22:47See the startling new evidence that could set her free.
22:51Watch America's Most Wanted.
22:52Now stay tuned for Get a Life.
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