- 2 days ago
In the episode, Mr. Bracken (Herman's boss) has an argument with his wife, which results in her kicking him out of their home. Feeling sympathetic, Herman invites Mr. Bracken to stay at his apartment. Hilarity ensues as Herman and his boss become an "Odd Couple" of sorts, due to their clashing personalities and living styles.
Simultaneously, Herman and his co-worker Louise Fitzer decide to work together to try to get Mr. Bracken and his wife back together, attempting to reconcile their differences and end the unusual living arrangement.
Simultaneously, Herman and his co-worker Louise Fitzer decide to work together to try to get Mr. Bracken and his wife back together, attempting to reconcile their differences and end the unusual living arrangement.
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FunTranscript
00:00This is Herman Brooks. Herman is just like the rest of us. Every day, he has to make all kinds of decisions. Like what to wear, whom to date, and when to panic.
00:20Now, these decisions should be easy. But if you take a look inside Herman's head, you'll see why he sometimes has trouble making up his mind.
00:31I'm Herman's intellect. Without me, he couldn't hold his job, pay his rent, or tie his shoes.
00:36I'm Herman's sensitivity. Without me, he wouldn't feel tenderness, honesty, or love. The good things in life.
00:43I'm Herman's anxiety, and I keep him out of trouble. And believe me, there's trouble everywhere.
00:48I'm Herman's lust. Without me, he'd miss out on all the good stuff. You know, fun, food, babes.
00:55Sometimes they agree. Usually they don't. But this struggle is going on inside all of us.
01:02And it's all going on inside Herman's head.
01:18Good morning.
01:25Louise, you look really happy this morning.
01:26That's because I've taken up a new hobby. Cooking.
01:29Well, I think cooking's a great idea.
01:31Me too. You know, they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
01:35And I might as well give that a shot, because every time I try to get to a man's heart through his head, he gives me directions to his pants.
01:41But, Louise, the way to a man's heart is...
01:43Teddy, please don't say the way to a man's heart is through his pants.
01:47Of course not. The way to a man's heart is through my pants.
01:51You don't have to thank me, Hermo.
01:53Every time you say you don't have to thank me, you end up dragging me along on a double date and sticking me with the ugly one.
01:59I think you're being a little unfair. That woman Jenny last Saturday was gorgeous.
02:03Jay, Jenny was your date. I was with Bernice, her mother.
02:06By the way, she's a little upset you haven't called her.
02:11I'm gonna make it up to you, Hermo.
02:12What would you say to Tina and Bev, a pair of his and his actresses?
02:15Now, they're both very pretty.
02:17Actresses? I love actresses!
02:20No way. I'm way too insecure to go out with an actress.
02:23If you want to date an actress, you'll have to tie me up in a burlap bag first.
02:31I don't think so.
02:32You're gonna thank me, Hermo. I am not gonna thank you, Jay.
02:35This is Tina, and this is Bev.
02:38Thank you, Jay.
02:41What have you got in the bag?
02:42Oh, well, this one's the wimp, but this one, I don't know.
02:47Hello.
02:53Hello.
02:54Hello.
03:05I'm very hard to suppress, you know.
03:16I'll see what's going on.
03:20Mr. Bracken?
03:21Don't you believe in knocking?
03:23That depends on what you mean by believe.
03:25I believe knocking exists.
03:26I just was concerned about...
03:26Herman, what do you want?
03:28Did you spend the night here?
03:29Okay, here it is.
03:30My wife is visiting her parents in Chicago.
03:33I don't feel it's worthwhile to commute back home to a big, empty house.
03:36So I've been staying here and getting caught up on a lot of work.
03:40Satisfied?
03:41Depends on what you mean by satisfied.
03:42I mean, I'm content with your answer.
03:44I just haven't had sex and...
03:45Herman!
03:46Get out of here!
03:50Is he okay?
03:51Yeah, Mr. Bracken just explained.
03:52He's been staying here because his wife is out of town.
03:55She dumped him.
04:06Actresses, this is gonna be great.
04:09Hope they bring those little bottles of booze.
04:13Those are stewardesses.
04:15Oh, yeah.
04:16What do actresses do?
04:18They wait on tables.
04:22Mr. Bracken.
04:28My wife threw me out.
04:30Can I come in?
04:31Of course.
04:32I stayed the first three nights in a hotel, but that was expensive.
04:36So then I moved to a cheaper hotel,
04:38but the male prostitute in the room next door got murdered,
04:41so now I'm staying in the office.
04:45I see.
04:46Oh, don't worry, Herman.
04:47I'm not going to stay here.
04:49I just wanted to say hello.
04:52Hello?
04:54And I thought maybe we could do something tonight.
04:56We gotta get rid of him before Jay gets here with the girls.
04:59But he's lonely.
05:00I think we should give up our date and invite him to stay over.
05:02Are you crazy?
05:06No, I'm compassionate.
05:08Look, paper beats rock, rock beats scissors,
05:11and horny beats compassionate.
05:12It'll be fun.
05:16Two single men out painting the town.
05:18In fact, would you mind, now that we're out of the office,
05:22maybe I could call you Hermo.
05:26Sure, if you want.
05:27But Mr. Bracken, I have...
05:28And you could call me Bracko.
05:31Wait, Hermo?
05:32What do you want, Mr. Bracko?
05:34Uh, you know, but I...
05:36Well, what shall we do first?
05:38Hmm?
05:38Singles joint, discotheque?
05:40Now, I haven't been single for quite a while.
05:42You gotta take me under your wing, Hermo.
05:44Mr. Bracko, I have a date tonight.
05:48Jay's coming over in a minute with a couple of women.
05:49We're going to the theater.
05:50I really can't hang out with you.
05:53Of course.
05:54I'm sorry.
05:56Well, don't mind me.
05:57You know, I gave that woman everything that she could possibly want.
06:03I don't know why she complains.
06:051.5 sexual encounters per month is perfectly average.
06:12Granted, that .5 encounter left her a little less than satisfied.
06:17Well, thank you for stopping by.
06:19I started asking her what was wrong.
06:21She said, well, if you don't know,
06:23I'm certainly not going to tell you.
06:25Then she slammed the door behind me.
06:27Hermit, Gina, hi.
06:32Hi, Hermit.
06:33Hi, Hermit.
06:34You can call me Bracko.
06:38What's he doing here?
06:40Well, Mr. Bracken just stopped by.
06:41Well, come on, let's get going.
06:43If you want to hang out for a while, that's okay.
06:45Just lock the door behind you when you leave.
06:47No, no doubt.
06:48Don't let me get in the way.
06:50Come on in, people.
06:52Sit.
06:53Visit for a while.
06:57So, your name is Bracko?
07:00Hmm?
07:01Are you like a magician or something?
07:06No, Bracko's my handle, baby.
07:10Bracko the Magnificent is about to make a couple of chicks disappear.
07:13Well, yeah, well, we should be going.
07:16We have theater tickets for eight, so...
07:18Oh, you've got 20 minutes.
07:20Don't go yet.
07:22I'll leave you young people alone.
07:24You won't even know I'm here.
07:26Please.
07:26So, ladies, Jay tells me that you're actresses?
07:31Yeah.
07:32Yeah.
07:32Geez, I love the theater.
07:33You know, as a child, my grandmother...
07:35The ancient Greeks invented the theater, you know?
07:38It was Aeschylus who first transformed the traditional Greek alternation of actor and chorus
07:43with the addition of a second actor.
07:46It was Sophocles who added the third.
07:48Are you a teacher or something?
07:54No.
07:55Are you Greek?
07:58Hermo?
07:59Mr. Bracken.
08:00Bracko.
08:01Hermo?
08:02Moment of your time?
08:06I know, I know, Jay, but Mr. Bracken's wife threw him out.
08:09I mean, I feel badly about just leaving him alone.
08:11Maybe...
08:12So, maybe you should go on without me.
08:14Yes, that's right.
08:14What am I supposed to do with two women?
08:16All right, stupid question.
08:18I don't care if you are studying at an acting class.
08:23Maxwell Anderson did not write Tea and Sympathy.
08:27Robert Anderson wrote it.
08:29Jay, can you please go now?
08:31This Greek man is scaring me.
08:33Yeah.
08:34Yeah, let's go.
08:35We should get going, ladies.
08:37Hermo?
08:38You coming?
08:39We're staying!
08:40We're going!
08:41Stay!
08:41Going!
08:45I gave us two out of three.
08:48Three out of five.
08:52Okay?
08:53Thumb wrestling.
09:00Let's go, Jay.
09:01Well, Bracko, don't forget to lock the door when you leave.
09:05Don't worry about me.
09:06Yeah, I'll be okay.
09:23Over the door!
09:24Over the door!
09:25Over the door!
09:25Oh, if you leave me alone, I will.
09:27Do we have the condoms?
09:29Condoms?
09:30I thought you said condiments.
09:31I brought mustard and relish.
09:34Don't worry.
09:35I got condoms.
09:36I think we can use the mustard and relish.
09:38Hello, Hermo.
09:55What are you doing here?
09:59Well, there were a couple of things I wanted to tell you.
10:01First of all, I couldn't fix your toilet.
10:03My toilet isn't broken.
10:05That was the other thing I had to tell you.
10:07I thought you were going to leave.
10:09Yeah, I should just go.
10:10No, no, no, Mr. Bracken.
10:11Maybe you could get going now.
10:13Are you going to throw me out just like that?
10:15Yes.
10:16No, he's right.
10:17Besides, I've lost the mood.
10:18Oh, don't say that.
10:20You found the mood so easily before.
10:22I bet if you look real hard, you could find it again.
10:24I don't think so.
10:26Maybe I'll give you a call sometime.
10:27Good riddance, huh, Hermo?
10:33Now we single guys can party the rest of the night away.
10:38Get out.
10:40I don't understand.
10:42Why are you throwing me out, Hermo?
10:44You broke my toilet.
10:45You ruined what would have been a sure thing.
10:47What do you expect me to do?
10:49All you have to do is jiggle it.
10:50The toilet, I mean.
10:59Is Mr. Bracken in yet?
11:01I think he spent the night here again.
11:02He must have come here after I threw him out of my apartment.
11:06He was in your apartment, too?
11:08It was horrible, Hermo.
11:09He made me call him Bracko.
11:12I know, Louise, I know.
11:13He harassed my pets.
11:14He told my parakeet she was chirping incorrectly.
11:17He disturbed my paramecium.
11:19You have pet paramecium?
11:22Millions of them.
11:23They're very good by.
11:25How long did he stay?
11:27Not long.
11:27I threw him out.
11:28He was really getting in my way
11:29as I was preparing mixed drinks for my cooking class.
11:32At least technically, mixing drinks is not cooking.
11:35No, but my teacher won't taste my food
11:36till he's had a couple of stiff ones.
11:40You'll never have guessed who came to my door last night.
11:43Oh, no.
11:43Mr. Bracken came to your place and drove you crazy, too?
11:46Oh, he didn't bother me at all.
11:47He didn't?
11:48He's very vulnerable.
11:49He's going through a crisis right now.
11:51You have to know how to handle someone like that.
11:53Yeah, so what did you do?
11:54I pretended not to be home.
11:58So, Hermo,
11:59the girl was all over you the last time I saw you.
12:01That ought to make up for Jenny's mom, Bernice.
12:03Just tell me everything.
12:04Bracken was still at my apartment
12:05when Tina and I got back.
12:07And we were this close.
12:08And suddenly, there he was.
12:10Hmm.
12:10Brackus interruptus, huh?
12:13On top of everything else,
12:14he broke my toilet.
12:15I've been peeing in my shower.
12:17Well, that's okay, Herm.
12:21Everyone does it.
12:22They just don't talk about it.
12:28Mr. Bracken, how are you?
12:29I thought I had friends in this office.
12:32I guess I don't.
12:32Louise, what do you have to say for yourself?
12:37Mr. Bracken,
12:38I know I'm just a meaningless cog,
12:40a small and insignificant part of a huge company.
12:44But?
12:46No but.
12:46That was it.
12:49Case I failed to mention Ed Harmon,
12:50thanks for everything.
12:51We really let him down.
12:55Look, it's his problem.
12:56What can we do about it?
12:58We could get him back together with his wife.
13:00Look, if anybody's getting back together,
13:02it's gonna be us and that woman.
13:03You mean Bernice?
13:05No, not Bernice, you dork.
13:07The actress from last night.
13:09Well, I still say we should help Mr. Bracken.
13:11And I say we shouldn't.
13:13All right, pal.
13:14It's rematch time.
13:16Only this time, I'm ready for you.
13:27You know what, guys?
13:29I think we can get Mr. Bracken back together with his wife.
13:32Oh, I don't know, Herman.
13:33Come on, we'll have a dinner party for Mr. and Mrs. Bracken.
13:35What do you say?
13:36I'll do it if I can cook.
13:38Oh, that's very good.
13:39That ought to give him something in common.
13:41Food poisoning.
13:44Herman?
13:46Bernice.
13:48Why haven't you called?
13:58Why are we doing this?
14:00To get Mr. and Mrs. Bracken back together.
14:02Won't you forget about Bracken?
14:03We had an actress on our bed.
14:05Oh, we're forgetting about her.
14:07You guys go ahead and have your stupid little dinner party.
14:09I'm gonna fantasize about Tina.
14:10Oh, no, you're not.
14:12Herman.
14:13Herman.
14:14What?
14:15I'm sorry, would you care to taste my goulash?
14:17Yeah, sure.
14:22Here, you try.
14:28If I pull this out, will I be king?
14:32I hope that's Hetty with the extra table.
14:36Hi, Herman.
14:37Yeah, Hetty.
14:38Did you bring your card table?
14:39I couldn't possibly have carried that down the street.
14:41But you said it wasn't heavy.
14:42It's not heavy.
14:43It's brown.
14:44It would have clashed horribly with this outfit.
14:47I'm just glad you decided to come.
14:49Well, yeah.
14:49I was thinking about this whole dinner party thing, and I decided it was a good idea.
14:53So I'm having one of my own.
14:54I just need a few things.
14:55I just need a few things.
14:57Petty.
14:58I know, I know.
14:59It's insensitive of me to put my needs before yours.
15:02But there you have it.
15:06Hi, everybody.
15:07Hope I'm not too early.
15:08Oh, no, Mr. Bracken.
15:09You're right on time.
15:11Oh, thanks for inviting me to dinner, Herman.
15:14I appreciate it.
15:15My wife says I never bring anything when I'm invited.
15:17So here.
15:19Oh.
15:20Tube socks.
15:23There's somebody who was selling them on the street corner.
15:27Hi.
15:28Are you Herman Brooks?
15:29Margaret, what are you doing here?
15:31Well, Herman called me and told me he wanted to meet here to talk.
15:34Herman told me he was inviting me to make up for kicking me out last night.
15:39He didn't tell me you were coming.
15:40I imagine you won't be staying.
15:42I was promised a home-cooked dinner, and since this is the only place I can get one, I'm staying.
15:48Well, it took me an hour on the train to get here.
15:50I'm not going anywhere.
15:52Well, then let's sit down, everyone.
15:56Here, Herman, for dinner.
15:57Oh, great.
15:58Thanks.
15:59There you go.
16:00I bet you didn't bring anything as usual.
16:02Oh, yeah.
16:02Herman, break out those tube socks.
16:06We'll save them for dessert.
16:09I'd like to use the bathroom if I may, Herman.
16:11Uh, actually, it's kind of out of order, but, uh, the shower works.
16:16Oh, he did that here, too.
16:20Is it my fault that no one in this city properly installed the plumbing?
16:24No, it's not your fault.
16:25Nothing is ever your fault.
16:28Well, I hate to break up this fun, but dinner is served.
16:31Okay, everybody, prepare your palates for goulash a la Louise.
16:40I'll bet it's as good as it looks.
16:43So, here we are.
16:46What do you two expect to happen here tonight?
16:49Well, I expect the murderer to reveal himself.
16:56Okay, Herman, the ice is broken.
16:58Back to you.
16:58Thank you, Louise.
17:02What we expect is that the two of you talk.
17:05Maybe start to work out your problems.
17:07The only problem I have is that my wife threw me out of the house.
17:12She has the problem.
17:13Speak to her.
17:14You see, he won't take responsibility for anything.
17:17Mrs. Bracken, I know as well as anyone that your husband can be opinionated and stubborn.
17:21Well, I don't mind that.
17:22I knew that when I married him.
17:24What's the problem?
17:25The problem is he's not the man I married.
17:28You want to be married to a 23-year-old with no responsibilities or worries.
17:34That's the man you marry.
17:36Well, guess what?
17:36He's gotten older.
17:38He's gone through five daughters, three houses, two jobs, and one prostate.
17:45You just don't understand.
17:47What don't I understand?
17:49Well, if you don't know, I'm certainly not going to take it.
17:51You see, you see, I can't talk to this woman.
17:55And why do you think that is?
17:57Well, if you don't know, I'm certainly not going to tell you.
18:01Thank you, kids, for trying, but I think I'd better leave.
18:05Mrs. Bracken, please wait.
18:07Herman, let her go.
18:10Well, Herman, you're our leader.
18:12You pulled the ladle out of the goulash.
18:14What do we do?
18:15I'll deal with Mrs. Bracken.
18:16Louise, go after Mrs. Bracken and bring her back.
18:21Well, you could meet her halfway, you know.
18:24She can't accept me the way I am now with her.
18:27You accept me, why can't she?
18:29Mr. Bracken, I work for you.
18:30She's your wife.
18:34I remember when we first met in college.
18:37I spent three straight nights singing under her dorm room window.
18:41I pledged not to stop until she would go out with me.
18:44And eventually the singing worked?
18:46You bet.
18:47When her roommates couldn't stand it anymore, they threw her out the door.
18:53I guess she wants that young romantic guy who serenaded her.
18:58Well, why not try to be a little more like him?
19:01I don't know that I have it in me anymore, Herman.
19:04What if you don't try and it's over for good?
19:10Oh, did you bring back Mrs. Bracken?
19:12Sort of.
19:13I stole her purse.
19:13Say, she's right behind me.
19:17Oh, you are faster than you look.
19:21You too.
19:23Margaret, wait.
19:25Why?
19:27Maybe we could go somewhere and talk.
19:30Or maybe I could serenade you.
19:34Paul, it's too late for that.
19:36Our marriage is not some wheel that you can oil every few months when it gets squeaky.
19:40I try, Margaret.
19:43I do care about you.
19:44Paul, if you care about me, why do you just sit in your chair and read when you come home from work?
19:49Why don't we talk anymore?
19:51We talk.
19:52All right.
19:53I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to promise to answer it honestly, okay?
19:57Okay.
19:57When you're coming home from work after a long day, do you look forward to seeing me?
20:04Are you kidding?
20:05When he leaves the office, he's, he's, what's the word, Louise?
20:09He's beaten?
20:13Please, I want him to answer this.
20:17Do you look forward to seeing me?
20:19Do you want to be with me?
20:21Honestly.
20:21No, I guess we don't.
20:30This isn't going to be simple, is it?
20:34No.
20:35I think there's some things that we each need to figure out.
20:40Maybe a little time apart would be good for us.
20:44I think so.
20:47Damn it, Margaret.
20:48I know, Paul.
20:53Call me tomorrow.
20:59Well, you tried.
21:01I appreciate it.
21:04Look, Mr. Bracken, if you need anything in the next few weeks, if you need a friend, please call.
21:09Or if you need a place to stay, please call Hetty.
21:16Thank you both.
21:18Well, what did we all learn from this?
21:24Not all of life's problems have simple solutions.
21:27You may not always be able to help someone, but you should be there in case they need it.
21:30Don't be afraid to get involved.
21:32And what about you?
21:34Sorry, what was the question?
21:37You asked it.
21:37Oh, and that case the answer would be...
21:41Breasts?
21:45Oh, Herman, I really thought we were going to be able to get them back together.
21:48I know, Louise, me too.
21:49I guess sometimes it's a little more complicated.
21:53Still, I think we did a good thing here tonight.
21:55I hope so.
21:55Gosh, what now?
22:03Hello, Herman?
22:04Bernice, what are you doing here?
22:07I think you know.
22:09Bernice, please.
22:11Herman, come on.
22:12The goulash is getting cold.
22:14Let's go to your place.
22:18This Thursday, on an all-new Simpsons,
22:31is an ex-con really in love with Marge's sister?
22:34Or is he just after her?
22:35Hi, I'm Chuck Cameron from Power 92.
22:37And Get a Life and Sunday Comics are next on Fox TV 8.
22:41Late.
22:42Aunt Selma has one hour to live.
22:44Get the clues on an all-new Simpsons this Thursday.
22:47Now, stay tuned for the series premiere of Stand By Your Man.
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