- 5 weeks ago
Herman Brooks goes on a date, but his evening is continuously interrupted and distracted by his co-workers, including a stood-up and emotional Louise.
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00:00This is Herman Brooks. Herman is just like the rest of us. Every day he has to make all kinds of decisions. Like what to wear, whom to date, and when to panic.
00:21Now, these decisions should be easy. But if you take a look inside Herman's head, you'll see why he sometimes has trouble making up his mind.
00:32I'm Herman's intellect. Without me, he couldn't hold his job, pay his rent, or tie his shoes.
00:38I'm Herman's sensitivity. Without me, he wouldn't feel tenderness, honesty, or love. The good things in life.
00:44I'm Herman's anxiety, and I keep him out of trouble. And believe me, there's trouble everywhere.
00:50I'm Herman's lust. Without me, he'd miss out on all the good stuff. You know, fun, food, babes.
00:56Sometimes they agree. Usually they don't. But this struggle is going on inside all of us. And it's all going on inside Herman's head.
01:20The lemon.
01:30Yeah! This'll feel real nice on us. And later on tonight, so will she.
01:38Don't talk about Sarah that way. She's sweet. She's smart. She could be the woman that we're looking for. And tonight is only our first date with her.
01:48Yeah, either get her off that pedestal or put her on a higher one so I can look up her dress.
01:52Please stop this puerile bickering. Let's put on our suit and get to work.
01:58But wait, Lennon, it wrinkles. It's stained.
02:00Yeah, if we're lucky.
02:03Don't worry. Nothing is going to happen to our suit.
02:06Oh, Herman, what happened to your suit?
02:13A cab went through a puddle just as I was coming into the building.
02:17Is that Lennon? That'll never come out.
02:21The funniest thing just happened. Just as my cab was coming up to the building, some schmoga.
02:28Herm, you just missed some poor sucker on his way in his...
02:36I guess you know the rest.
02:38Jeez.
02:39Hey, what do you say? You have a little chick hunting tonight? Bag some babes?
02:44As appealing as that sounds, I can't.
02:46I have a big date tonight.
02:48Herman, my man. I'm very happy for you.
02:50So what, are you going to, uh, chuck the old cue stick?
02:53Chuck the cue stick? I love this guy.
02:57Yes, he's a regular Oscar Wilde.
03:02Jake, this isn't just another chance to score.
03:05I think she could be the one.
03:07The one? That's an interesting concept.
03:09So what, there'd be just that one, and there wouldn't be any others.
03:15Huh.
03:17I gotta run.
03:19Well, hey, take your date to Fanzini's, hottest spot in town.
03:21Tell them Jay sent you.
03:24So, Herman, you have a date tonight, huh?
03:26That's right.
03:27Well, it just so happens someone else in this office has a date tonight.
03:31Oh, really? And who might that be, Louise?
03:33It's me, Herman. It's me.
03:36Well, good for you, Louise.
03:38Yeah.
03:39The ladies in my courage to date workshop fixed me up with this guy from the courage to commit workshop.
03:43His name is Howard. He's a man, and he's looking for someone.
03:47Doesn't he sound perfect, Herman?
03:50Let's call it a good start.
03:53Eddie dropped the muffin. Louise answered the phone.
03:55Herman, what happened to your suit?
03:57Flashed by a cab, sir.
03:59Enough small talk.
04:01It's about 70 pages, and it's critical.
04:03Work all night if you have to. I'm counting on you. Don't let me down.
04:07What about our date?
04:08Calm down. I'll handle this.
04:10Consider it done, sir.
04:12Nice handling.
04:13When the sun is supernovus and destroys our solar system in five billion years.
04:23Yes, Herman?
04:24Well, that's okay. Go ahead and finish with your research question.
04:26This isn't research. It's more than that loser down in marketing asking when I'm gonna have dinner with him.
04:33Well?
04:34Eddie, look, I need a favor. I have a date tonight with an incredible woman. Would you please do this assignment for me?
04:39Well, sure, Herman, I'd be glad to do it. Right after I donate a kidney to the children's hospital.
04:44Eddie, please, this is very important to me. Look, I'll do an assignment of yours next week.
04:49Do two of mine next week.
04:50One. Three. Two. Four.
04:51Four. What happened to three?
04:52Okay, three.
04:54God, that was easy. I would have done it for two.
04:57I would have given you five.
05:06And so then I said, I would have given you five.
05:08Oh, Herman.
05:10And you would do all that work just to see me.
05:13Touch on arm.
05:14She really likes us.
05:15Do you think it's too early to put our hand up her dress?
05:23Dinner for two? Jay sent me.
05:26Right this way.
05:27Way to go, Jay!
05:29It's a good thing we have connections. There's nothing worse than getting a bad table.
05:32This table was right by the kitchen. I said, Jay sent me?
05:39I heard you.
05:41Well, this isn't so bad. The food will be warmer and there's more privacy. So I don't feel so embarrassed to do this.
05:49Kiss on cheek. As they say on the price is right, lower, lower.
05:56Lower, lower!
06:01I have had you on my mind all day.
06:05I've really been looking forward to this too.
06:11Who's that?
06:12Oh, just a friend from work. Anyway, so you were telling me about being an English teacher. Where is it that you teach?
06:18St. Giles School for the Deaf.
06:21Something what?
06:23Something wrong with your friend?
06:24No, I'm sure she's fine.
06:27So, where do you teach?
06:29St. Giles School for the Deaf.
06:31We've got a stand-up on tablecloth.
06:35Oh, yeah.
06:36There's a woman who's going to be alone for the rest of her life.
06:40Oh, my God!
06:42Maybe I better make sure she's okay. I'll be right back.
06:47Louise!
06:48What a coincidence.
06:50Jay sent me.
06:56I see that. So, is... is everything okay?
06:59I'm fine, Herman. My date's only 52 minutes late.
07:03I'm sure it's nothing. This is New York.
07:05Probably just been mugged or maimed.
07:07I'm sure you're right.
07:08It means going back to your date, really, I'm fine.
07:11Well, I'll see you later.
07:15Okay, sorry about that.
07:17So, tell me, um, where is it you work?
07:21St. Giles School for the Deaf.
07:23I think it's really sweet that you care about your friend.
07:26Excuse me, just one more minute.
07:29Eddie, what the hell are you doing here?
07:32Jay sent me.
07:34You've got a great table.
07:36I've got great legs.
07:37Why aren't you doing my work?
07:39I'll lighten up, Herman. I said I'd do the work for you.
07:41I didn't say it'd end my life.
07:43Just grab me a quick bite.
07:45Okay, fine. Just a quick bite.
07:47And don't order the lasagna. That takes a long time.
07:49And stay away from the turkey.
07:51I researched this article about the tryptophan in it, which causes drowsiness.
07:54Herman, just go back to your little date.
07:56Right, right, but just remember, quick bite.
08:00Excuse me, that lady over there is in a hurry.
08:03No lasagna, no turkey.
08:06I'm really sorry. It's a work thing.
08:10Well, it's nice that you're responsible.
08:13It's so rare for a man to know how to listen and to take an interest in his friends and his girlfriend.
08:19Isn't that right, Herman?
08:21That's great. Would you excuse me for a minute?
08:23What are you doing?
08:25Louise is our friend.
08:27Look, I thought we were supposed to be spending time with the girl we've been looking for.
08:30I don't know about you guys, but I'm developing some very intense feelings for what's-her-name, the Spanish teacher.
08:36Louise?
08:38Louise?
08:43I'm fine, Herman. I can handle it.
08:46Okay, but I'm right over there if you need anything.
08:53Now, I am all yours, I promise, for the rest of the night.
08:58Starting in just one minute.
09:00Excuse me, excuse me, would you leave her alone, please? She's busy tonight.
09:04Or just give him your number and he can call you tomorrow.
09:07Are you kidding? Give this clown my number? An insurance adjuster.
09:10What do you make, $37,500 a year?
09:12The guy's got cheap shoes and bad haircut, and he's probably wearing that bikini underwear that comes in a plastic tube.
09:20What are you taking for, Herman?
09:22Sorry, pal, my mistake.
09:24Herman, are you going to spend any time at this table?
09:29I know, I'm really sorry. Sarah, I think you were fantastic.
09:33Give me another chance.
09:35Okay, one more chance.
09:37Great. So, you're a Spanish teacher, where do you teach?
09:41Excuse me, we're setting up for a large party over there.
09:44Can we borrow this table for a moment? We'll bring you another.
09:47Okay.
09:51Take the table.
09:54Herman, I understand that you're distracting, but there are a couple things that I think you should get straight.
10:03Absolutely. I'll be right back.
10:05Not again!
10:07We haven't been up this many times in a restaurant since we were in Mexico.
10:12Please, would you please join us?
10:15Herman, please don't make a scene.
10:17I am not making a scene.
10:19Hey!
10:21What are you doing with that turkey?
10:23I thought I told you the lady could not have turkey!
10:26It's for the gentleman over there.
10:27Excellent!
10:32Good choice.
10:34Nice. Carry on.
10:36Herman, I am sitting here alone, in the middle of the restaurant, next to the men's room, without a table.
10:42Please leave me alone and allow me my dignity.
10:47That's it. We're taking her home. She's in pain.
10:50So am I!
10:52A decision must be made.
10:55What's to decide?
10:57Come on, we got Boo Hoo over there and Yahoo over there.
11:00Boo Hoo?
11:01Yahoo!
11:02Yahoo! Boo Hoo!
11:03No contest!
11:05I'll be right back, Louise. I'll take you home.
11:08Boo Hoo?
11:10They chose Boo Hoo!
11:12I hate you guys!
11:14So, Sarah, this just isn't gonna work like this. I'll tell you what.
11:18You start on dinner, I'm gonna take my friend home and I'll be back in time for dessert. I promise.
11:23Well, okay.
11:25Thanks.
11:27You are the best.
11:28Come on, Louise, I'll take you home. You'll get him next time.
11:33You sounded so perfect, Herman.
11:35No, he was a man. He was looking for someone.
11:39I forgot my book. I'll be right back.
11:43Hey, hey. I had to stop by and let you know I made a mistake.
11:46It was Calzini's I was thinking of, not Fanzini's. This place stinks.
11:50Hey, hey, hey. Where's this, uh, fabulous woman?
11:53Whoa, it's Louise?
11:54Louise?
11:56Jay, you, you don't understand.
11:58No, no, hey, please, Herman.
11:59Who am I to judge?
12:02Hey, we'll talk later.
12:05Aren't you Jay?
12:06Uh, yeah, I am.
12:08Didn't I tell you never to come back here?
12:11Yeah.
12:12Thank you, Herman. I just couldn't raise my cats before 10.30.
12:26They seemed so excited when I told them about my thing.
12:3010.30, huh?
12:3210.30? Will Sarah still be there?
12:35Well, let's see.
12:3615 minutes for her to order, 10 for the salad, 20 for the entree, and 20 minutes to get back.
12:42We're gonna make it, right? We're gonna make it.
12:44Where you guys going?
12:46We're gonna make it!
12:48Oh, Herman, what's wrong with me?
12:50Nothing is wrong with you, Louise. We're gonna make it.
12:55I mean, you're very special, Louise, and you'll see someone wonderful will come into your life because you deserve it.
13:01Because you're wonderful. You really are, Louise.
13:05Very nice. Very nice speech.
13:08I can't tell you how moved we all are.
13:10I got it! Let's get the hell out of here!
13:13What do you say we get the hell out of here, huh?
13:16God, why don't men like me, Herman?
13:20Men like you, Louise. I like you.
13:25God, what now?
13:26What now?
13:28I mean, this Louise thing, have you lost your...
13:32Hello.
13:35Talk later.
13:38So, what do you say?
13:41Ready to go home?
13:43Oh, Herman...
13:45I guess not.
13:47Oh, no, you don't! No, you don't!
13:49Give me the phone, animals!
13:50Stay away from me! I'm warning you!
13:52Oh, pizza!
13:53Pizza? Where?
13:55Hi, hi, I was just there with a very pretty woman in a blue dress.
13:58Is she still there?
14:00Great, thank you.
14:02Hi, Sarah.
14:03Hi, it's Herman.
14:05Well...
14:07You, you have every reason to be upset, but I'm sure they'll bring you another table.
14:12Um...
14:14If you give me a chance tomorrow, I promise I will take you out for the best night of your life.
14:21You will.
14:23Great, great.
14:24Um, no, you won't regret it.
14:26Okay, bye-bye.
14:28I feel much better.
14:30Let me get this straight.
14:32No Sarah and no pizza?
14:34Everything's fine.
14:36So, where were we?
14:38You were crying.
14:40That's right.
14:41Research.
14:42Number of violent crimes committed in New York this month?
14:43Murder is 85.
14:44Murder is 85.
14:45Muggy is 211.
14:46Armed assault 73.
14:4774.
14:4874.
14:49All I want to know is, did you or didn't you do it?
14:50I did it, son.
14:51You're found in death.
14:52Stop worrying.
14:53Okay, okay.
14:54Thanks, Eddie.
14:55We got to talk, man.
14:56This Louise thing, it's really got me thinking.
14:57Hey, you don't understand.
14:58No, I didn't at first, but I think I'm getting it.
15:00Beneath the quiet exterior lies a volcano of pent-up sexual energy.
15:01Am I right?
15:03Look at her.
15:04Look at her, sitting over there.
15:05She's a wild woman, isn't she, huh?
15:06I have no idea, John.
15:07Oh, Herman, ever the gentleman.
15:08Ever the gentleman.
15:09That's okay.
15:10God, I have to think, she's been here all this time, right?
15:11I don't know.
15:12Yeah, stop worrying.
15:13Okay, okay, thanks.
15:14Thanks, Eddie.
15:15We got to talk, man.
15:16This Louise thing, it's really got me thinking.
15:17Hey, you don't understand.
15:18No, I didn't at first, but I think I'm getting it.
15:19The neat, the quiet exterior lies a volcano of pent-up sexual energy.
15:22Am I right?
15:24Look at her sitting over there.
15:25She's a wild woman, isn't she, huh?
15:27I have no idea, John.
15:28Oh, Herman, ever the gentleman, ever the gentleman.
15:31Okay.
15:32God, I have to think, she's been here all this time, right under my nose.
15:36God, I could kick myself.
15:40I want a plain woman, Herman.
15:45Herman, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about last night.
15:48That's okay.
15:49No, I was upset, so it didn't really strike me until I got home how you gave up your date to be with me,
15:54and all those really nice things you were saying about me.
15:57I just didn't read the signals.
15:59The signals?
16:01But it's okay, because I feel the same way about you.
16:05And you're right.
16:06We're gonna make it.
16:09Oh, God, she has us married with four kids.
16:12Now, now, let's not jump to any conclusions.
16:14It may not be that bad.
16:16And the great part is that we're already friends.
16:19And I'm sure we're gonna be physically compatible.
16:23It's that bad.
16:24Please, we have to talk.
16:26Herman, this is a shoddy piece of wood.
16:31I take it that would be the assignment that I left on your desk last night?
16:35That's right, Herman, and I just finished getting my butt chewed because it won't be ready tomorrow.
16:40Herman, I don't like getting my butt chewed.
16:42I can understand that, sir.
16:43I prefer to think of myself as a chewer.
16:45Yes, sir.
16:47I tell you what, Herman.
16:48You're gonna do right today what you should have done right yesterday.
16:50And you're gonna do all the work you would have done today if you had done right yesterday.
16:55Did I just yell at you or did I quote Aretha Franklin?
17:00I'm pretty sure you're yelling at me.
17:02Good.
17:05Heady.
17:07I know, Herman, what can I say?
17:08I shouldn't have had the turkey.
17:10You're obviously right about the tryptophan.
17:12And those drinks probably didn't help either.
17:15Could you have done this?
17:16You said you would do the assignment for me.
17:17You knew this was important.
17:19Well, Herman, I guess I have a choice now.
17:21I could either feel really bad about this or I could finish my muffin.
17:27Which to choose?
17:28Which to choose?
17:40Hi, Sarah.
17:41Hi, it's Herman.
17:42Look, I know I promised you the best night of your life and you'll have it.
17:46It's just going to start a few hours later.
17:49Louise?
17:53Uh, no.
17:54She's just a friend.
17:56So, um, tell you what.
17:57Come to my office, uh, around nine.
17:59Or, or I could, I could come to where you work.
18:03Really?
18:05You teach deaf children.
18:06That's so sweet.
18:08Okay, well, come here.
18:10Come here.
18:14And so, after all this, Louise thinks I'm her boyfriend.
18:18I'm trying to finish this assignment, which has to be perfect and it has to be done before Sarah gets here.
18:24It's quite a story, huh?
18:26Thanks for listening.
18:27You're listening.
18:29No tengo la menor idea de que habla.
18:33Pero tienes unos ojos tan bellos.
18:34Come beigo.
18:47Hi, Herman.
18:48Louise.
18:49I thought I'd stop by and see if you need any help.
18:51Yes, we're saved.
18:52Give the work to Louise.
18:53We can't take advantage of her that way.
18:55Sure we can.
18:56Louise does the work and we're on our way to having Sarah teach us the sign language for hello, how are you, and oh baby, oh baby, oh baby.
19:06Do you want to help me, Louise? That would be very nice.
19:09Here.
19:10Isn't this great, Herman, the two of us alone together, working side by side, alone, together?
19:19Yeah, because it gives me a chance to say something I think I should say.
19:23Okay, but first, I just want to tell you that these past nine hours have been the happiest nine hours of my life.
19:31Now, what do you want to say, Herman?
19:33Nice hat.
19:39You're done for me, aren't you?
19:41Where did you get that from, nice hat?
19:43Herman, I've been done before. It starts with the hat and it works its way down.
19:48Louise, you just, you, look, Louise, you misread what I said last night.
19:52You and me, together that way, it just, it isn't right for me right now.
19:57But all those things I said about how special you were, I really meant them.
20:03Really?
20:04Yeah, really.
20:05So we're just friends, huh?
20:06Yeah, we're friends.
20:08And if ever I need you, you'll be there for me?
20:10Of course.
20:11We just won't be doing any moaning and groaning together.
20:14Not unless we're lifting a piano.
20:18Hi, Herman, what's she doing here?
20:21Louise, she's just helping me with this work.
20:23How stupid do you think I am?
20:24What are you, some kind of wild woman?
20:27Well, I...
20:31She's just a friend, Sarah.
20:33She's a cheap slut, is what she is.
20:35Now, just one second.
20:37You're out of seconds.
20:38You show up in that bad suit, seat me up the worst table in a crummy restaurant,
20:42and spend the whole time running around like a jackass!
20:45Okay, stop right there.
20:46What do you mean, bad suit?
20:49I mean, bad suit!
20:51Boy, when I miss you, you seem so nice.
20:56Nice? I am not nice.
20:58And if you'd spent any time with me, you would have found that out.
21:01Nice is boring!
21:03What I am is six or seven hours of great sex.
21:07So long, Herman.
21:08What a bitch!
21:10No, she certainly wasn't the woman we thought she was.
21:13Six or seven hours of great sex.
21:17I am so sorry, Herman.
21:19No, that's okay.
21:20I have a feeling she isn't a girl for me anyway.
21:22Now look, you don't have to answer right away, but just hear me out.
21:38Now that Sarah's gone, what do you say we take a shot at Louise?
21:41Herman, can I ask you a question?
21:43Sure, Louise.
21:45Do you think I'm pretty?
21:47No, Louise.
21:49I think you're beautiful.
21:51Are you kidding?
21:53I'm about to...
21:55Geez, you two, give it a rest.
21:57Are you kidding?
22:01I'm about to...
22:03Geez, you two, give it a rest.
22:05Geez, you two, give it a rest.
22:15Thursday night, an all-new Simpsons followed by Dabney Coleman in Drexel's class.
22:19And Sunday night here on Fox, it's a special with the legendary Ray Charles as he celebrates 50 years in the music biz.
22:25Now what were you doing 50 years ago?
22:26Well, my dad would have been three and I was just waiting around for him to meet my mom and get busy.
22:30That's the Ray Charles special, one week from tonight here on Fox.
22:33Now stay tuned as Eric Clapton sits in with the band on Sunday Comics.
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