- 2 days ago
The episode involves a sarong business that divides the crew into two groups, leading to a feud and a PT test that could result in reassignment.
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00:00I'm just so still now.
00:04Ow!
00:05My finger, eh?
00:06Who swiped my thimble?
00:08All right.
00:09Head ease, head ease, girls.
00:10Now, here's the duty roster for the first shift.
00:13Willing and Happy do the cutting.
00:15Christie in charge of seams.
00:16Fuji on buttonholes.
00:17Tinker on bodices.
00:18And Verge got the hems.
00:20Hey, watch.
00:21Just dropped a stitch there, Verge.
00:22Okay, Groove.
00:23That takes care of us.
00:24Now, what do you do?
00:25What do you mean?
00:26What do I do?
00:26I'm the floor manager.
00:27Look, Groove, if we're gonna knock out all these sarongs on time, we're gonna need some Indians around here, not all chiefs.
00:32Listen, we do all the work and you make all the loot.
00:34You say that again, we're always getting a short end.
00:37Now, now, fellow workers, we all split the profits.
00:39After I take off a slight charge of my supervision, of course.
00:42Sure, Tink.
00:43That's the way we've always been doing it.
00:45Yeah.
00:45And I say, that's taxation without representation.
00:48It ain't fair.
00:49What do you mean it ain't fair?
00:50You never complained before.
00:51Now, let's knock it off, you bunch of apes.
00:58Now, now, what's all this screaming around here?
01:00Don't ask me, Skip.
01:01Talk to our leader, Admiral Gruber, here.
01:03Admiral Gruber?
01:04Gee, congratulations.
01:05I didn't even know you made chief petty officer.
01:07What?
01:08You didn't mean it.
01:09Come on, what's the matter here?
01:11Can't you South Sea seems to just get along?
01:13It's all Bruce for, Skip.
01:14We're having this sarong sale for the nurses on Saturday, and he's trying to give us a fast shuffle.
01:19Well, it was my idea to put on a fashion show.
01:21I got a right to be the head tailor.
01:23Yeah, well, it was my idea to heist the parachutes.
01:25He's always giving us the short answer.
01:27Yeah, he's a short answer.
01:29All right, all right, all right, all right.
01:33Now, look, Tink.
01:34All I can say is that we're out here fighting for democracy, right?
01:37So, if you don't agree with Gruber, then I say stick up for your rights.
01:41You see, you listen to me.
01:42But stick up for them quietly, because I got rights, too.
01:47It's my siesta time!
01:49Man, I have just one last thing to say.
01:54Remember, a family that sows together grows together.
02:00Made that up.
02:01One, two, three, four, five, six...
02:08One, two, three, five.
02:10¶¶
02:40Sir, Captain Binghamton, sir.
02:56What are you trying to do, you knucklehead? Are you trying to disrupt the whole high command?
03:00I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to floor you, but this is top priority.
03:03The number three supply hut has been hijacked, sir, and that crate of parachutes that you ordered is gone.
03:06And there isn't a clue, sir.
03:07Ah, clues. Only it's clues.
03:10It's McHale and that gang of pirates around. No moron.
03:15Binghamton, who are you calling a moron?
03:17Ah, Admiral Reynolds.
03:19No, no, nobody, sir. My aide is here, Admiral, and he was going to take a coffee break, and I told him, I said, put some more on.
03:27Sir, you called me.
03:28Belay the nonsense. This is important.
03:33Coms of PAC is sending an inspection team to check combat readiness of all PTs in an efficiency test on Saturday.
03:40Oh, yes, sir. Efficiency test for the PTs on Saturday.
03:43You make sure your men are ready. Any crew that doesn't shape up will receive an immediate transfer back to Ariake for retraining and reassignment.
03:52Do you read me?
03:53Oh, yeah, yeah. Loud and clear, sir. Loud and clear. Retraining and reassignment.
03:57Yes, sir. I'll do that, sir. Get on the ball.
04:00Yes, sir. Keep a tie chip. Yes, sir. Get the lead out of it. Yes, sir. Thank you, Admiral. Thank you.
04:09Retraining and reassignment? That could be a good way to get rid of Commander McHale.
04:12Oh, who's going to wait till Saturday? I'm going to have McHale and his parachute grabbers in the brig within the hour. Get me my hat.
04:19Yes, sir.
04:19And get the door.
04:20The door.
04:21Go out the door. I'm going to trust you.
04:30Oh, you are. Scream, scream. Everybody, big prima donna around here.
04:38What's the matter, Fuge? They had it again?
04:40Again? It never stuck. Only gets worse. I head for the other side of Ireland for little peace and quiet. Maybe I even escape.
04:50Oh, no, no, no. Don't do anything rash there, Fuge.
04:54Come on, Chuck. Let's go over and see if we can stop him.
04:56Well, Skip, I better put in for another cook. He's going to escape.
04:59Oh, come on.
04:59I'm telling you, sarongs with shoulder straps are more commercial.
05:04Yeah, and it's the latest rage.
05:06Maybe in Timbuktu, shoulder straps went out with buggy whips.
05:09Besides that, they ain't Chick.
05:11Sheek.
05:12They ain't that either.
05:13Who are you listening to them cockamamie couturiers?
05:15And I tell you guys that this model designed by Gruber should sell like mad. Just look at that.
05:19Full bodice and tapered hemline.
05:21And I say my backless model with the puff sleeves and the pita pan collar will be the smash of the season.
05:26Pita pan collar?
05:28Everett? Dude, no class.
05:30That's too gauche.
05:31That's your opinion.
05:32You're all wet.
05:32What do you slobs know?
05:34What do you know?
05:35That's what I'm telling you.
05:37All right, all right, all right.
05:40Will you cut off the noise valves, all of you?
05:42Now then, what is the crisis this time?
05:46Honey Carnegie here is trying to tell us what's vogue and what isn't, Skip.
05:49Well, anybody would want to put pita pan collars on a soror.
05:52All right, all right, all right.
05:54One at a time.
05:55One at a time.
05:56Go ahead.
05:57That Groove's bossing me around all the time.
05:59For a whole year, he's played the Lone Ranger while I've had to play tanto.
06:03Could have been a lot worse.
06:04He could have made you play sober.
06:05Please don't give them any more ideas.
06:07Anyway, Skip, when I calmly try to tell them that...
06:11Calmly my foot.
06:12Yeah, Skip.
06:13He was yelling at poor old Groove.
06:15Well, he had to.
06:16Groover never listens to anybody.
06:18All right, all right, quiet.
06:21Now then, Groove, what's your sign?
06:24Well, Skip, I got nothing to say.
06:27Oh, that'll be the day.
06:29Getting everyone from the base out here on Saturday to sell him sorongs was my idea.
06:34And if he ain't grateful...
06:35Would you listen to that, Elroy?
06:40That's music to my ears.
06:42That's a gorgeous symphony.
06:43That's simply gorgeous.
06:45Don't listen to nothing.
06:48Yeah, we need a little togetherness.
06:53Remember, a tight ship is a happy ship.
06:56And those other Navy slogans.
06:57It's the only way I'd ever work with him again if I was tight.
07:00Well, as far as I'm concerned, you can start beating the sidewalks.
07:03You're fired.
07:04You can't fire me, because I quit.
07:06And furthermore, I'm going into business for myself.
07:09All right, all right, all right.
07:11All right.
07:12All right.
07:13All right.
07:14All right.
07:14You meatheads want free enterprise?
07:16Go ahead and have it.
07:17I don't care.
07:18Do whatever you want.
07:20I'm washing my hands in this whole mess.
07:23I better go show him when the soap is.
07:25You're not paid to think you're only a lieutenant.
07:36Why should we stick them for 30 days when we can stick them forever?
07:41You saw them.
07:43They were all at each other's throats.
07:45Why don't we just leave them that way through the PT efficiency tests on Saturday?
07:51Yes, sir.
07:52Yes, sir.
07:52And if they fail, they'll be shipped out for reassignment.
07:55Oh, no, sir.
07:55That's brilliant.
07:56Captain Binghamton, you are brilliant, sir.
07:59Thank you, Elrond.
08:04And thank you.
08:05Hey, Skip, can I borrow your toothpaste?
08:18Hey, what's going on?
08:20I don't know, but it looks like somebody's trying to put a divided highway right through
08:24the middle of our island.
08:27And now we're going to find out who.
08:29Oh, wait a minute, Skip.
08:30Safety first.
08:30Always walk face in the traffic.
08:32Oh, yeah.
08:38Now, what's all this?
08:39The walls of Jericho?
08:41All right, come on, you butcher hemstitches.
08:44Start talking.
08:45What's with this white line?
08:46Don't blame us, Skip.
08:47They wanted it this way.
08:49No, we didn't, Skip.
08:50We're right there, Skip.
08:51Don't try to pass the bus.
08:52Hey, hey, you're on the side of the line.
08:54Mr. Parker, would you kindly tell Mr. Bell he's standing on private property?
08:58Mr. Gruber wants me to tell you you're standing on private property.
09:00Oh, yeah?
09:01Well, you can tell Mr. Gruber.
09:02All right, knock it off.
09:04Skipper said to knock it off, and you better tell Mr. Gruber that, too.
09:07Okay, now listen, you swabs.
09:09For your information, you're still in the Navy, and there's still a war going on.
09:13Yeah, and if you don't believe him, just take a look at that Nib Zero.
09:16That'll prove...
09:16Nib Zero?
09:17Hey!
09:17Fire a feedback.
09:18Come on, boys, let's get outside.
09:20Take a crack at him.
09:21Let's go.
09:24Somebody stepped in my tooth.
09:27Get a crack at him.
09:29Go ahead, go ahead.
09:45What's the matter, Verge?
09:47I didn't write your sights.
09:47Why'd you stop shooting?
09:49It was on their side of the island.
09:50Oh, no.
09:53You heard it, but I don't believe it.
09:58All right.
09:59All right.
10:00That does it.
10:01Now, you schlockmeisters can cut to each other's throat in a price war, and I don't care.
10:06But when it comes to a shooting war, and you won't cooperate, then I close up your shop forever.
10:12Finito.
10:12As of right now, you two guys are out of business.
10:15Bankrupt, finish, kaput.
10:17And that is an order.
10:19Just think.
10:27Another 24 hours, and I'll be rid of McHale forever.
10:30Then I can really enjoy this war.
10:33How about that, F.D.?
10:35Mac?
10:35Oh, Captain Bingham, since there's something awful has happened, sir.
10:41I know.
10:42And if I'm damaged, I'm going to have you up on charges for striking a superior officer.
10:47Well, I apologize, sir, but I thought you'd want to know this right away.
10:49Commander McHale has called off the sarong sale tomorrow.
10:52Called it off?
10:52He can't do that.
10:53I'll keep...
10:55Did he find out about the efficiency test?
10:57Oh, no, sir, no, sir.
10:57We kept it a secret from him, just as you ordered, sir.
10:59Oh, this is a foul blow, Carpenter.
11:01Sir, I'd counted on those pirates staying at each other's throats right up until the...
11:06But now with the sale called off, McHale might even get the...
11:11Yet on the other hand, if McHale were called away until after the test begins tomorrow...
11:19Called away, sir?
11:20But Commander McHale isn't going anywhere.
11:22Hmm?
11:23And neither are you at that vacuum you call a brain.
11:26I have a hunch that a little birdie is going to order McHale to Baraga for a 24-hour refresher course on combat communications.
11:36And while he's gone, need I say more, Carpenter?
11:39Oh, sir, you are a smart little birdie.
11:42Shut up.
11:43Get off of my face.
11:46Captain speaking.
11:47Get me McHale.
11:49Smart little birdie.
11:51You're a cuckoo.
11:52Ah, yes, sir.
11:55On the ball.
11:56Tight ship.
11:57Get the lead out.
11:58Yes, sir.
11:59Yes, sir.
11:59Bye-bye, sir.
12:00Bye.
12:02Well, gentlemen, looks like I'm flying up to Baraga.
12:05But why?
12:05You don't need a refresher course.
12:06It don't make sense.
12:08Ah, well, ours not the reason why.
12:10Gruber, get the gig ready.
12:11And listen, you bunch of monkeys.
12:13No sarong sale and no squabbling, you hear?
12:16Yeah, sure thing, Skip.
12:17Nothing would have ever happened if it wasn't for a certain party.
12:19Don't put the finger on me if you hadn't been so great.
12:22Yeah, I got it back.
12:24While I am gone, the order of the day will be togetherness.
12:31Don't forget it.
12:32Now, get out of here while I pack.
12:34All right, now, you men heard the skipper.
12:35A little togetherness.
12:36Now, let's have the buddy system.
12:37Buddy up.
12:38Come on, boys.
12:38Two by two.
12:39Let's go.
12:40Move out.
12:42Don't you have a buddy, Virgil?
12:43I got them together, Skip.
12:50Bye, Skip.
12:51Bye.
12:52Have a nice trip.
12:54Well, I sure did goodbyes.
12:57Well, get ready for another one.
13:00Binghamton coming.
13:01I'm going.
13:01Bye.
13:02Oh, boy.
13:03Now, look, you guys, don't panic.
13:04Just everybody snap to and look shape-ship.
13:06Ship-shop.
13:07Shop-ship.
13:08We'll do it.
13:08Try attention.
13:09At ease, men.
13:18At ease, men.
13:19It's really in the order, sir.
13:21Oh, good.
13:22Good, Chuck.
13:22Actually, we can belay the formalities.
13:26This is just a social call.
13:28It is?
13:29Yeah.
13:29Gee, Wally, I didn't even think you liked this.
13:31Oh, didn't you think I liked this?
13:33Oh, for goodness sake.
13:34After all, we're all this more together, aren't we?
13:37Yes, sir.
13:38That means you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
13:43Well, if you want me to, sir, I get your wordy word.
13:47I made a great sense of humor this morning.
13:49Actually, Chuckie, my boy, you see, I'm in sort of a bind.
13:57I promised my wife that I would send her a genuine South Sea sarong,
14:03and I don't seem to be able to find one.
14:05And I don't suppose any of you men might know where I could find one.
14:12Yes, Lester.
14:14Let's put it this way, Captain.
14:17If I was in the sarong business, which I ain't,
14:20I might just be able to fix you up, which I can't,
14:22providing I didn't object to a guy making a slight profit, which I wouldn't.
14:27Oh, no, Lester.
14:28Why should I object, Lester?
14:30Actually, you'd be doing me a favor
14:32to say nothing of all the sailors and nurses over at the base
14:36that are just dying to get their hands on a genuine Territupus sarong.
14:40Well, I beg your pardon, Captain, but you see, Commander McHale's...
14:43Ah!
14:44Don't you mention that man to me.
14:46Don't mention him.
14:47Ah!
14:48Tyrant, that fellow.
14:49Tyrant.
14:49I'm the base commander here,
14:51and I feel that my personnel
14:53should be allowed to indulge in a little free enterprise.
14:59Now, shall we say that the sale starts at 1200 noon tomorrow?
15:04Huh?
15:05Well, Elroy, let's go.
15:07We mustn't interfere with the production line.
15:10So long, Wally.
15:11All right, men.
15:15You heard the captain?
15:16Now, let's man our sewing stations.
15:17Ready your thimbles.
15:18Knit one.
15:19Purl two.
15:19Full stitch ahead.
15:21So I think about two dozen of those summer lightning models
15:24will do for a star.
15:24Are you kidding?
15:25No self-respect.
15:26And those will be caught dead.
15:27Yeah, well, I'll tell you.
15:28I mean, you're not lying.
15:34Get out of here, man!
15:35Get out of here!
15:35Oh, please, let them keep it up till 1300 tomorrow.
15:43Oh, that's mid-Pacific standard time, sir.
15:52Good morning!
15:54Good morning.
15:56And a good morning, Gathez.
15:58And welcome to the premiere showing
16:00of our summer collection of informal attire
16:02for my lady and machete.
16:05Sweet!
16:10We sent you the historic masterpiece
16:13of strapless simplicity.
16:15Know the subdued shade of shocking peep
16:18in direct contrast to Goony Bird's egg blue.
16:22That is all yours for the unbelievable stipend of...
16:26Yeah!
16:28Yeah!
16:31Attention!
16:32Subtleple, attention!
16:33What you have just seen is strictly for the peasants.
16:37Only from the Maison-Groubert
16:38can you obtain the dynamic,
16:40the daring,
16:41the divine Paris look.
16:43If you please.
16:45Hey, hey!
16:48And the prices?
16:50They are caught even lower
16:51than the neckline.
16:52Only $14.
16:54And that is factory cost.
16:56Ignore the gentleman with the big mouth.
16:58We are marking our goods down to $9.95.
17:01Woo!
17:02Pay no attention!
17:04Do not get stuck with late junk
17:05when we will part with our originals
17:07for only $6.95.
17:09Uh-huh!
17:10And our garments are guaranteed not to wear out.
17:13Shows them themselves.
17:15Woo!
17:15Congratulations, Wally.
17:26That's the third boat to come through with flying colors.
17:28Who's next?
17:29Oh, that's Lieutenant Baker in the 94.
17:31She's coming around for the target run now.
17:37Almost 1,300.
17:38You get a jeep and you go over to the airstrip and bring McHale here as soon as he lands.
17:42Oh, yes, sir.
17:43And when shall we send for the rest of the crew, sir?
17:44I'll give them a few more minutes.
17:46I want to make sure that they've finished cutting each other's prices
17:49and they're ready to start cutting each other's throats.
17:53And so, my friends, with each magnifique garment as a low price of only $3,
17:58a special gift for the ladies.
18:00A one-ounce bottle of genuine French perfume.
18:03Nuit de Terratupa.
18:05He's coming, you're fine, folks.
18:07That's ordinary jungle juice.
18:09And we're giving a quart with each sarong for two bucks even.
18:12Oh, yeah?
18:15Well, let's make it a buck and a half, two bottles of perfume,
18:17and we're throwing a free ride around the lagoon.
18:20All right, folks.
18:21Come and get it.
18:22A buck even and a quart of hoots and a date with this beautiful model.
18:25Will you let that sail it through?
18:26Come right in, boy.
18:27I see you like a straight red dot.
18:29There you are, son.
18:30You're a good winner.
18:32Attention, as you are, everybody.
18:33Quiet, okay, at ease.
18:35All right, everybody off the island.
18:37And the sail's over.
18:38What do you mean over, Mr. Parker?
18:40We ain't sold nothing yet.
18:41Yeah, give us a chance, Mr. Parker.
18:43I'm sorry, guys.
18:43Cabin's being in his orders.
18:44He wants his main side right away.
18:45Let's go.
18:46Let's move out.
18:46Okay, folks.
18:47Same time tomorrow.
18:48Same place.
18:48Same prices, huh?
18:49All right, come on.
18:50Man, now let's go.
18:51Let's move.
18:51Let's step live here.
18:52Let's...
18:52Oh, uh, you better stay here.
18:54You're out of uniform.
18:57The 94 boat did an excellent job.
18:59Let's see, Wally.
19:00That brings us to the...
19:01The 73 boat.
19:02Let's do it.
19:031,300.
19:04Oh, there's the skipper.
19:08All right, thanks, driver.
19:13Captain.
19:13How do you do, sir?
19:15Say, thanks for the buggy ride, sir.
19:17I thought maybe I was going to have to hitchhike back all the way from the airfield.
19:19Oh, no, no, no.
19:20No chance of that, McHale.
19:22I wouldn't dream of letting anything interfere with your little date with destiny.
19:26Destiny?
19:27I presume you're ready to go, McHale.
19:30Incidentally, where's your boat?
19:31Uh, the PT-73.
19:33Well, back in the islands, sir, I guess.
19:35Unless we're wrong, McHale.
19:36She comes now.
19:37I sent for her, personally.
19:41I'm anxious to see you put her through the efficiency test, McHale.
19:44If you do half as well as the other boats, we can forget about any crew from Taratupa getting shipped out for retraining.
19:49And reassignment.
19:53So that's the ticket, huh, Captain?
19:55You shanghaied me so we wouldn't have any time to prepare for the test, hoping we'd flunk.
19:59Why, McHale, how could you accuse me of anything so dastardly?
20:04You don't got to try to bankrupt.
20:06You blew the whole surround set.
20:07You're lying.
20:10You guys follow the whole thing up.
20:12Now, you guys, we got to have some togetherness.
20:14Togetherness.
20:15Now we work togetherness.
20:17Now, McHale, have a nice harmonious test run.
20:19And don't forget to send me a postcard from your new base.
20:23All right, you screaming memes, knock it off!
20:37Yeah, what'd you get back?
20:40Look, I'm warning you feather merchants.
20:42Either you quit fighting and get right back on the ball or sir, help me.
20:45I'll strangle you with your own sarongs.
20:48Now, let's move out.
20:49Yeah, what he said.
20:50All right, that target plate is starting its run.
21:03Stand by the firebird.
21:06Something's wrong, Skip.
21:07The gun's jammed.
21:08Well, I'm jammed.
21:09The target plate's partly overhead.
21:10I can't, Skip.
21:11It's all rusted up.
21:12Ah-ha, rusted up.
21:14But you're so in machine, you were oily.
21:15But this gun...
21:16Oh, I ought to...
21:18Chuck, get over there.
21:19Give a hand, will ya?
21:19It's coming this way.
21:25Take cover!
21:33Oh, no!
21:38All right, you guys.
21:40I'm coming around for the torpedo run.
21:42Now, see if you can do something right.
21:44Gee, I thought that jump charge had good trajectory.
21:46I'll see you win.
21:52All right, crew boy, it's up to you.
21:54I'll put that number one fish right in a barrel.
21:57Just hold a steady, Skip, for ten more seconds.
21:59An old, lovable Lester will...
22:01Hey, Tim!
22:05What's wrong with these engines?
22:06Sorry, Skip, where the fuel pump's stuck!
22:09Well, I'm sticking to surround myself in that bass!
22:12Well, you don't have to hurry, Skip.
22:14Looks like somebody else is taking their turn at the target.
22:16Boy, they lousy shots, too.
22:18Their torpedo's coming right at, uh...
22:20Us!
22:24Nips up!
22:24Nips up!
22:25Off the port bow!
22:28Oh, boy, now we're really up the creek without a paddle.
22:30Boy, I'll say...
22:31Hey, any of you guys got a paddle?
22:32It's working, Skip!
22:34I got it fixed!
22:36Grover, stand by the fire number two!
22:38Number two?
22:39What's wrong with number one?
22:40Because number two is pointed right at them!
22:43Now quit arguing!
22:44And fire!
22:50Hey, Grover, what's wrong with that torpedo?
22:53It's like novel funny!
22:54I tried to warn you, Skip.
22:55I had all my merchandise stuffed in that tube.
22:58Oh, no!
22:59Those blasted sarongs again!
23:01Skip, look!
23:09We blinded him!
23:10Yeah, boy.
23:12How embarrassing can it get?
23:16We can still nail him!
23:18Crew!
23:19What do you got in the number one tube?
23:20More sarongs?
23:21Not this time, Skipper.
23:23Just a big, fat fish full of TNT.
23:25All right, then stand by the fire.
23:27Range, one-oh-double-oh!
23:30Fire!
23:30Fire!
23:31This is the worst marksmanship in naval history.
23:41They're going to miss the target by a thousand yards.
23:43Target?
23:43Who cares about the target?
23:45They're going to score a bullseye and a nip sub.
23:47Oh, yeah.
23:48Sub?
23:48What is a sub doing out here?
23:49You are the luckiest card artist who's ever walked in two shoes.
24:04Oh, there's nothing to it, Skip.
24:05Just a bit of American know-how and free enterprise.
24:07I'm going to recommend the 73 boat for a unit citation.
24:20Unit citation?
24:21Well, they didn't hit the target, Captain.
24:23They didn't pass the test.
24:24Wally, if that's what comes from guzzling torpedo juice,
24:27I'm going to recommend they serve it to every PT crew in the Pacific.
24:30Why me?
24:37Why is it always me?
24:39Why me?
24:39Why is it always me?
24:39Why is it always me?
25:09Why is it always me?
25:23Why is it always me?
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