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TVTranscript
00:01Welcome to Tool Time. I'm Tim the Tool Man Taylor.
00:04And you all know my assistant Al thinks he's getting a Christmas bonus in Portland.
00:09Well, as you all can see, it's Yule Time on Tool Time.
00:14Before we get into our project today, we have a little special feature for you.
00:17That's right, Tim. Binford Stocking Stuffers.
00:20There's nothing that says peace on Earth better than a Binford power tool.
00:27Doesn't Al just jingle your bell sometimes?
00:31Heidi, the Stocking Stuffers, please.
00:39Here you go, Tim.
00:40Thank you, Heidi.
00:41You're welcome, Tim.
00:42Now, Stocking Stuffers usually...
00:44Generally hot...
00:49Stocking Stuffers sometimes are very difficult to pick out for men.
00:52But Binford has made it easy this year with stuff like this.
00:55The new Binford Mini Propane Torch.
00:57Huh?
01:00Stand back, stand back.
01:06It's small, but portable enough you can actually fit in a pocket.
01:09Whoa, wouldn't put it in there, though.
01:12You can remove facial hair with it.
01:16You can do a little soldering on the house, melt glass tubing, or if your wife's out, melt her earrings down and make handy fishing lures out of them.
01:22Also, we have the Binford 6100 digital torque wrench.
01:28It'll be the torque of the town this Christmas.
01:30Oh, oh, oh.
01:32That's right.
01:33They'll also be torquing about the new Binford fiber optic flexible flashlight.
01:40Now, as odd as it seems, this is actually a great gift for guys, you know?
01:43This thing can find auto parts that are thrown around the garage, look in dirty pipes, or any dark, dusty area you have.
01:49In one ear, out the other.
01:57Just like your job, Al.
01:59In one day, out the other.
02:01Now, finally, for the man without a vise, a vise.
02:07The Binford Bench Buddy 2000.
02:10He's got a swiveling vase, serrated steel jaws, and a clamping capacity of seven and one half inches.
02:16Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
02:17Actually, Tim, the, uh...
02:18Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
02:23A bench vise is a little too big to be a stocking stuffer.
02:26Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, are you ever right.
02:29If you want to stuff that into a stocking, you probably need a special stocking.
02:32Like this one.
02:34Like one of Al's mom's thermal hunting socks.
02:44Don't let her in here.
02:47It's your mom, Al.
02:59It's your mom.
03:29It's your mom.
03:59You are going to be the cutest little choir boy in the whole service.
04:15You don't think I look geeky?
04:16No.
04:17You look Christmassy.
04:19If this were Veterans Day, you'd look geeky.
04:20Jill, you won't believe what Doc Johnson's doing.
04:25Hi.
04:26Oh, hi, Mark.
04:28Nice robe.
04:30What's the N mean?
04:32Naked under this robe and no one can tell.
04:35Hey, show a little respect.
04:37You're talking to the N in Noelle.
04:39I still think I look geeky.
04:41You look very handsome.
04:43Now, let's get this thing off before your brothers come home and see you.
04:48Here.
04:50There we go.
04:50Jill, what would you say if I told you that Doc Johnson has dancing elves up on his roof?
04:56I'd say he'd better get those elf traps out right away.
05:00I'm talking about the neighborhood decorating contest.
05:03I hate to say it, but I think I might lose.
05:06If you've lost nine years in a row, I think you'd be used to it by now.
05:08Well, this year I had a really good feeling about winning.
05:12It's the oddest thing.
05:13Every decoration I put up there, Doc Johnson's put up before me.
05:16Eh, it's just a coincidence.
05:18Coincidence?
05:19I went to put a plastic Santa up there today.
05:22And guess what old Doc Johnson's got up on his roof?
05:26Chimney.
05:28A plastic Santa.
05:31Gosh.
05:32I wonder what made him think of using a Santa Claus as a decoration at Christmas.
05:35I'll tell you what else he's got up there.
05:42My seven swans a-swimming and my six geese a-laying.
05:46And a tool man in a nut tree.
05:51Hey, Brad.
05:52Guys, guess what?
05:53What?
05:53Todd Wheeler's family invited me to go skiing at Boyne Mountain.
05:57All right.
05:58Boyne Mountain, I love it up there.
05:59Tobogging, skiing, fractures, sprains, broken bones,
06:02laying at the bottom of the hill in a stretcher.
06:03Oh, oh, oh, oh.
06:05When are you going?
06:07Well, that's kind of what I need to talk to you about.
06:10Well, it better not be this weekend.
06:14We're running a tool-time marathon.
06:16Forty straight hours of Tim and Al hijinks.
06:18It's also Christmas.
06:20It's also Christmas.
06:22Well, it is this weekend.
06:25Brad!
06:26Brad, but, Mom, it's perfect.
06:29I mean, I don't have school.
06:31And I can take your presents with me and open them there.
06:36Do you feel the love in this room?
06:38Do you?
06:40Brad, the family is always together at Christmas.
06:44We open our stockings together.
06:46We talk to the relatives on the phone.
06:48You have your new saxophone now.
06:49You could play along while we sing carols.
06:51And I'm going to make Nana's special oyster pecan stuffing.
06:54Oh!
06:58Do you suppose there's room for one more skier in that car?
07:01Mark is singing in the choir.
07:03Come on.
07:04The wheelers will ask you to go skiing some other time.
07:06But, Mom, I don't want to go another time.
07:08I mean, it's going to be great skiing conditions.
07:11A lot of kids from school are going to be there.
07:13Honey, I can tell this is important to you,
07:16but this family is always together at Christmas.
07:19I mean, even that year that your father fell down the chimney,
07:21we were together.
07:22We were in the emergency room, but we were together.
07:25So you're saying I can't go?
07:27No way.
07:30Dad!
07:33No, no, no, no, no.
07:35Come on, buddy.
07:35It's Christmas special time.
07:36Your mom's right.
07:37It's not going to be a special time for me.
07:40So much for a Merry Christmas.
07:43Merry Christmas to you, too, Wilson.
08:02Well, Tim, I see the holidays find you among friends.
08:05Yeah.
08:06This is for the roof display.
08:08These are the three wise tool guys.
08:10They come from so far, yet seem strangely familiar.
08:15Yes, don't they?
08:17A little confusion in the holidays?
08:19Huh?
08:20Halloween's over.
08:20You can put away the witch's broom.
08:21Oh, Tim, this is not a witch's broom.
08:23This is a euleneck.
08:25A what-a-neck?
08:26A euleneck.
08:27It's a Scandinavian Christmas tradition.
08:30Families bind sheaves of grain to a long spruce pole,
08:33and that provides nourishment for the sparrows in the winter.
08:36I wish I could bind up Doc Johnson and twist his little euleneck.
08:42Well, Tim, that's hardly the Christmas spirit.
08:44I know.
08:46But I really thought I could beat him this year at the Christmas display,
08:48but he always seems to be one step ahead of me.
08:50You know, so I see.
08:52He just put three wise men up on his roof, too.
08:55What?
08:58Where?
08:59Over there.
08:59How does that guy keep beating me to the punch?
09:03Well, maybe the good doctor's got ESP.
09:07Now, what does having a cable sports gentleman do with this?
09:13No, Tim, I'm talking about extrasensory perception.
09:15The ability to read someone else's mind.
09:18Really?
09:19Mm-hmm.
09:20Mm-hmm.
09:21Maybe he should try reading this.
09:22Yes.
09:29Let me guess.
09:34Brad's practicing on the saxophone,
09:36or there's an elephant giving birth upstairs?
09:38Saxophone.
09:43Brad's so depressed about not going on the skein trip.
09:46He's trying to play the blues.
09:50I should be playing the blues.
09:52Hey, Randy.
09:52Randy, I went to put up the three wise tool guys up on the roof.
09:56Guess who's already got them up on his roof?
09:58Doc Johnson.
09:59Bingo.
10:01I swear to God he's got this house bugged.
10:03Excuse me?
10:04Well, how else is he getting all this information?
10:06Wait a minute.
10:07You might be right.
10:10What's up, Doc?
10:13No, not tonight.
10:14You know who's going to be here.
10:17Do you actually think that's funny?
10:19Yes.
10:23Honey, this isn't fair.
10:24He's stealing all my lighting ideas.
10:25Tim, you really think Doc Johnson has nothing better to do than spy on you?
10:29He's a retired proctologist.
10:31Spying on us is a lot more fun than what he used to do.
10:36What is that?
10:38It's Rudolph's nose.
10:39I don't even want to see the rest of him.
10:46Hey, hey, hey, hey.
10:49Dad?
10:50What is it?
10:50I think I know where Doc Johnson's been getting his information.
10:54Me too.
10:55I think it's your mom.
10:56She's a double agent.
10:59No.
11:00He's been getting his information from me.
11:03Wait a minute.
11:05Say that again.
11:06Well, you see, I was talking to Doc Johnson's granddaughter, Lauren, and I kind of mentioned
11:11a few things.
11:13I can't believe you do that.
11:14You know there's no secret more important than a family's lighting strategy.
11:20She's really cute.
11:22She kept pumping me for information.
11:24No matter how hard I tried to resist, I couldn't.
11:28Hmm.
11:29Been there.
11:35She'd smile at you like this.
11:38If she smiled at me like that, I would have thrown up.
11:41Hey, boys, come on.
11:55We're going to be late.
11:59Brad, you're not dressed for church.
12:01I know.
12:01I'm not going.
12:03If he's not going, I'm not going.
12:04If they're not going, I'm not going.
12:06Hey, you are all going.
12:07You two, you just go out and wait in the car, all right?
12:10Brad.
12:11What do you mean you're not going?
12:13Well, if I can't go skiing, I don't see why I have to go to church.
12:17Because God said come and worship, not go and slalom.
12:24Honey, you can't stay home.
12:26Mark's going to sing tonight.
12:28So?
12:29So?
12:29Get up and get dressed for church.
12:31Be down in five minutes.
12:31Come on.
12:32Why?
12:32Because Mom wants the whole stupid family to be together?
12:34Well, now we're a stupid family?
12:35Hey, Brad, if that's your attitude, stay home.
12:37No, no, we're not letting him off that easy.
12:39No, Tim, if he's going to be pouting
12:41and obnoxious, I just said he didn't ruin Christmas Eve
12:43for everybody else.
12:44You've already ruined it for me.
12:45Well, I am so sorry.
12:47All right, you stay in your room.
12:48I don't want you sneaking downstairs
12:49to watch that tool time marathon.
12:51Oh, the Taylors.
12:59Merry Christmas.
13:00Merry Christmas.
13:01Jill, you look wonderful.
13:03Merry Christmas.
13:03Thank you, Tim.
13:04Same to you.
13:05All right.
13:06You know, Tim, I've never seen you at church
13:07without your earplug.
13:08There's no football game on tonight?
13:11That was one Sunday, all right, Reverend?
13:13Anyway.
13:14I prayed during halftime.
13:16Yeah, I remember that prayer.
13:17Oh, Heavenly Father, please let the lions kick butt.
13:22Mark, maybe you should go change into your road.
13:24Do I have to?
13:26I look like a geek.
13:27Oh, honey, you look great.
13:28It's for a geek.
13:31No, no, no, no.
13:32Thank you, no.
13:33Hey, Reverend, the lights look a little dim in the tree.
13:36I could boost the power and get some lights for the service.
13:38No.
13:39No, thank you, Tim.
13:40I don't think tonight is the night
13:42to test our new sprinkler system.
13:43Um, where is young Brad this evening?
13:47Oh, boy.
13:48He's not feeling well.
13:49Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
13:50Well, maybe we'll see all the tailors together next Christmas.
13:54Not feeling well?
13:56You lied in church on Christmas Eve?
14:00Watch out for those lightning bolts.
14:01God doesn't like that stuff.
14:03At least I'm not begging the Almighty
14:04for two touchdowns and a field goal.
14:08Merry Christmas.
14:09Oh, boy, Al.
14:09Merry Christmas, Al.
14:10Merry Christmas.
14:12Here, scoot your roof.
14:12Oh, no, no, don't crowd.
14:14I'll just take a pew behind you.
14:15Most people use the bathroom, Al.
14:22Where's Eileen?
14:24Ah, well, she had an orthodontic emergency
14:26at the junior high Christmas play.
14:29Joseph and Mary got their braces stuck together.
14:32Well, I hope she gets here in time to see Mark.
14:34Oh, I just saw him down the hall in his little robe.
14:39Boy, you know, I always wanted to be the letter N.
14:41That's impossible, Al.
14:45The song specifically says,
14:46No, Al.
14:54No, Al.
14:55No, Al.
14:56No, Al.
14:58No, Al.
15:02Well, where's Bradley?
15:05He's spending Christmas Eve alone in his room, sulking.
15:07It's his way of rebelling.
15:10Oh, yeah, well, I remember my first Christmas rebellion.
15:15I was so mad, my parents went out and bought an artificial tree.
15:21The whole Christmas, I refused to sing O'Tanenbaum.
15:24Oh, my.
15:29You were a bad, bad Borland.
15:35You all right?
15:37Yeah, I'm okay.
15:40Well, it was a long time ago.
15:46I mean, are you okay?
15:49No.
15:50Mark's singing.
15:51It's Christmas.
15:53I want the whole family to be together.
15:55Why'd you make Brad stay home?
15:56I would have loved to drag him here against his will.
16:00Oh, yeah, that's a great vision for Christmas Eve.
16:02The four of us singing hymns, you with Brad in a headlock.
16:04It just doesn't seem like Christmas without us all being together.
16:16Excuse me.
16:17Where are you going?
16:18Uh, off to Little Boy's room to take a pew.
16:20Jeez, Dad, what are you doing here?
16:36We came home to get you.
16:38My question is, what do you do with the skis?
16:40Uh, I was going to donate them to the Navy.
16:43Yeah, yeah, that's just what they need down there at the mission.
16:45Food and skis.
16:46Look, Dad, I explained it all in the note.
16:51Well, it better be a good one.
16:58Went skiing, Brad.
17:01Your mom and I specifically said you don't go skiing,
17:04and you were going to disobey us.
17:05I wasn't disobeying you.
17:07I mean, you said I couldn't go with the wheelers, and I'm not.
17:09Well, how are you going to get there?
17:11Hitchhike.
17:11Hitchhike?
17:12Sit down over here.
17:13Dad, all I wanted to do was be with my friends.
17:16A lot of people I like are going to be down there.
17:19Christmas is not about being with people you like.
17:24It's about being with your family.
17:29Dad, it's just one Christmas.
17:31I mean, it's not that big a deal.
17:32Well, it is your mom and to me and to me.
17:34I can't believe you'd be this selfish.
17:42Listen to me.
17:44In a couple years, you'll be 18.
17:46You'll be off to college.
17:48Or a good trade school.
17:52And we won't see you.
17:54But, Dad, I'll come home.
17:55You know, you'll come home a couple Christmases,
17:57but then you get married, and I'll never see you.
17:58I mean, look at your mom and me.
17:59Her family lives in Texas.
18:00Mine's in Colorado.
18:01We never see our families for holidays.
18:04You just don't know how many Christmases we have together, right?
18:06I'm not going to be around forever.
18:08What do you mean?
18:10Base of facts.
18:11You've seen the stunts I pull into all the time.
18:13I can't keep dodging the bullet.
18:17Well, I've got to get back to church and see your brother sing.
18:20You can just sit here if you want
18:21and think about what a merry Christmas you've made this.
18:38Well, I checked in every stall in the bathroom.
18:42Men's and women's.
18:44Boy, was Mrs. Lindsay surprised.
18:48I wonder where he is.
18:49Well, maybe he decided to go home
18:51and set up his Christmas lights.
18:53Oh, honey, you really think he'd rather
18:54set up the Christmas lights than hear Mark sing?
18:57What was I thinking?
19:10Who's Leon?
19:13Maybe Leon was born in the manger next door.
19:15I went home and I was hoping to have a little surprise.
19:45for you and, um...
19:47Hi, Mom.
19:49Where?
19:50Oh, you're such a...
19:51Oh, hi.
19:54I'm so glad you came.
19:57If you're so glad, how come you're crying?
20:01I just get a little emotional around the holidays.
20:04I see I'm not the only one.
20:06Oh, no, this is an emotion.
20:08Since Al is not wearing any deodorant.
20:16I don't think so, Tim.
20:17Noelle, Noelle, Noelle, Noelle, Noelle.
20:31Lord is the King of Israel. Noelle, Noelle, Noelle, Noelle.
20:47Lord is the King of Israel.
20:54Hey, guys, come on, hurry up. The contest is about to start.
21:01Gee, I don't know, Tim. There's an awful lot of lights here.
21:05Have to take out a second mortgage to pay the electric bill.
21:08All right, Dad, let her rip.
21:11No, wait a minute, wait a minute. I think we should say a prayer first.
21:13Please, Lord, don't let our house blow up.
21:18Amen. Amen.
21:20Oh, wait, get back.
21:21All right, guys, brush your fingers. Ready?
21:28Oh, that's wonderful.
21:31Hey. Awesome. Cool.
21:34Wow.
21:35Oh, oh, oh, Tim, that is a lovely use of neon.
21:39Reminds me of the Christmas I spent in Las Vegas.
21:42Do you really like it, Wilson?
21:44Oh, I think you've reached the apex of your Christmas decorating career.
21:47I just hope I can convince those stupid judges of that.
21:50Well, there's only one judge this year.
21:51Just one? Mm-hmm.
21:52And it's me.
21:53Did I say stupid? Mm-hmm.
21:55I meant stupendous.
21:56Mm-hmm.
21:57Well, if you're the judge, you kind of got a leg up with the competition, don't we?
22:01Well, I don't know. Doc Johnson's display is very effective.
22:05Plus, I used to be a patient of his.
22:07Huh?
22:08Brad, you put Blitzen's light in Rudolph's nose.
22:13Oh, Tim, does one bulb make that big a difference?
22:16Yes. I'm a perfectionist.
22:17Wilson, hold off the judge until I get this finished.
22:19Mm-hmm.
22:23Tim, be careful up there. It's slippery.
22:25Don't worry, honey.
22:26Yeah, I've heard that before.
22:36Hey, Dad, be careful if the light bulb is wet.
22:39It'll be fine.
22:42Well, good golly, Taylors, I think you won the contest.
22:45I did not realize there was a full-size electric jam on the road.
22:48Ah!
22:52Hey, Dad, we're coming up!
22:53Yeah!
22:54Hooray!
23:00Happy Holidays!
23:01Happy Holidays!
23:02Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
23:03Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
23:05Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
23:07Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
23:09Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
23:11Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
23:13Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
23:14Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
23:16Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
23:18Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
23:20Where are you?
23:22Where are you?
23:23Where are you?
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