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TVTranscript
00:00if you're like me you've spent time on the floor after an accident
00:13waiting for the paramedics to arrive
00:18it's times like these a lot of thoughts roll through your head
00:23wonder if the bleeding will stop
00:25I had no idea electricity could lift me up the ground that hard
00:31or from this angle that smooth ceiling could use a little texture
00:37how would we do that Al well Tim with Binford's 6100 acoustic spraying system
00:45that's right with the 6100 system even the most inexperienced unskilled homeowner can do this
00:50simple job and who better to demonstrate than you Tim
00:53for this job Al and I suggest Binford's acoustical texture spray
01:03that's right it comes in these ready-to-mix bags
01:06all you do is add water
01:07or for a creamier texture go with the buttermilk
01:11now obviously you want to follow the instructions precisely because too much water
01:17and your mixture will not adhere to your to your ceiling
01:20Tim I've already mixed that
01:23yeah just needs a bit more water Al
01:25I used a measuring cup
01:29we're not doing laundry fella
01:31I use a measuring system that never fails me
01:35my eye
01:37my eye
01:40once you've mixed the compound
01:45it's ready to load it in the hopper
01:47give me a hand Dennis
01:48perfecto
01:55all right
01:56when you get gone what you're gonna do is
01:58use short even strokes
02:00keeping the gun about two feet from your ceiling
02:03all right
02:05and you doubted me
02:22I stand corrected
02:26I would be proud to have a ceiling like this
02:30in my living room
02:31who let those pigeons in here
02:41you
02:44you
02:49you
02:58you
02:58you
03:02guitar solo
03:32No, Ashley, there's nothing going on between me and Melissa.
03:59I just gave her a taste of my Jell-O.
04:02It's not like we both chewed the same piece of gum.
04:06Ashley, come on.
04:08Hold on.
04:09Randy, I'm on the phone. Get out.
04:11You get out. It's my room, too.
04:13I was here first.
04:15Look, I'm just getting my books.
04:18I'm listening.
04:19I swear, there's nothing going on between me and Melissa.
04:24Oh, Brad, get off the phone and kiss me.
04:27No, that's not Melissa. It's my stupid brother.
04:35Listen, Ashley, there's nothing going on between us.
04:39Uh-huh.
04:40Hold me, my...
04:42hunk-a-hunk-a-burnin' love.
04:49Ashley, I'll see you at school.
04:52All right, bye.
04:53You're a hunk of dead meat.
04:59I'm gonna kill you!
05:01But I thought you loved me.
05:05Stop, stop, stop!
05:06Come on, guys!
05:06Stop, stop!
05:07Stop it!
05:08What's going on?
05:08He keeps bugging me when I'm on the phone.
05:10He's on the phone 24 hours a day.
05:12Don't use a phone so much.
05:14I can't help it if I'm so popular.
05:19Well, I guess that's why all us girls love you.
05:22Hey, hey, hey!
05:23Bradley, Bradley, come here!
05:24Come here!
05:25What?
05:25Come here.
05:26Take your coat, take your bag,
05:28and you go out that way.
05:33Well, this is what we're leaving the world.
05:36Faces, honey, you raised two very obnoxious little boys.
05:40What is going on with them?
05:41They've really been going out these last couple of weeks.
05:44You're right.
05:45Black eye, bloody nose, stitches, loose tooth.
05:48Well, we gotta do something before they kill each other.
05:52Tonight, after their sleep, you and me, Puerto Rico.
06:02Tim, this is serious.
06:04We've gotta find out what's wrong with them.
06:06All right.
06:07Then we go to Puerto Rico.
06:12If we want to solve this problem,
06:13there's only one thing to do.
06:14Separate bedrooms.
06:15We don't have any more bedrooms.
06:16And no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
06:19You're not going anymore.
06:21Honey, honey, we've talked about this before.
06:24Move Brad into Mark's room
06:26and then Mark into Randy's room.
06:28No, no.
06:29Well, okay, Brad is older.
06:31He probably should have his own room,
06:32but we can't make a decision like that
06:34without discussing it with all the boys.
06:36Why discuss it?
06:38The reason we became parents
06:39is so we could tell kids what to do.
06:42If we can't do that,
06:43we're just the tallest people living here.
06:45You sound like my father.
06:55All right.
06:59Today, we're gonna show you
07:00how to soundproof as well as insulate the walls.
07:02Now, there's a variety of products
07:03you can use, of course.
07:05Acoustic padding,
07:07fiberglass batting,
07:08or very unattractive flannel.
07:12The easiest way to install your insulation
07:14is during construction
07:15before you've put up your drywall.
07:18However, if the drywall
07:18has already been installed in your home,
07:20we suggest the foam injection method.
07:22Heidi, the foam injector, please.
07:26Here you go, Tim.
07:27Thank you, Heidi.
07:28You're welcome.
07:29Now, for this method,
07:30you're gonna have to drill some holes in your drywall.
07:31But first, you want to find a stud.
07:38I said stud, not dud.
07:47It's already compressed air in there
07:49to make it work.
07:50Stick your nozzle in,
07:51and you start insulating.
07:52Mm-hmm.
07:52It should dry in about ten minutes.
07:54That's right, Al.
07:55Now, to show some of the advantage
07:56of soundproofing,
07:57the crew and I got here early
07:58and constructed a special room.
08:00Heidi, my room, please.
08:03Now, this room will not only
08:05protect you from the elements,
08:06keep you warm,
08:06but it's also totally soundproof.
08:08Here you go, Tim.
08:11Thank you, Heidi.
08:15Watch this, Al.
08:16Can't hear a word.
08:16It's so good.
08:17Watch this.
08:17Talking like this.
08:19Walk in.
08:19Hi, everybody.
08:20It's just great to be here.
08:21My name's Tim, the dual...
08:22Ah!
08:23That is truly amazing.
08:49We did not hear a sound.
08:51No, that's how it was designed.
08:52You've got to try it.
08:53Let yourself go.
08:54It's great.
08:54Yeah.
08:59Tim?
09:01Can you hear me?
09:03Can't hear me?
09:05In that case,
09:06I should be the host of this show.
09:08And another thing.
09:11That's a stupid haircut you have.
09:15And another thing.
09:16I am the very model of a modern major general.
09:19I know the kings of England,
09:22and I quote the fight's historical.
09:24From marathon to water,
09:26and I'm a corner, corner, gold.
09:27Al.
09:28Yes, sir?
09:29Al.
09:30Yes?
09:31Can you hear me?
09:42I can hear you.
09:43I can hear you.
09:50Think about that.
09:51Major General Borland.
10:05Come on, Brad.
10:06Let me in.
10:07No!
10:08You're going to be out there
10:09for the rest of your life.
10:10Well, there's no luck.
10:11You're going to have to stand next to the door
10:13for the rest of your life.
10:16Maybe I will.
10:18Good plan, genius.
10:19I got a better plan.
10:22Open this door right now, Brad.
10:23Come on.
10:25All right, why are you keeping it out of the room?
10:26Because it keeps bugging me.
10:27Bugging you?
10:28You're full of me.
10:28You're the one who's full of me.
10:29You're full of me.
10:30Stop, stop, stop, stop.
10:31Sit down.
10:32Both of you, sit.
10:34All right.
10:36Your mom wants to know
10:36what's going on between you two.
10:38She's not here, so it's up to me.
10:39Randy, what's the matter with Brad?
10:41I hate him.
10:43You don't hate him.
10:44Turn around and talk to me.
10:45What's the problem with Brad?
10:46I hate him a lot.
10:47Not as much as I hate him.
10:51He won't let me into my own room.
10:52I can't even do my homework.
10:54It's not just your room.
10:55Well, you think you own it.
10:56Well, he doesn't own it.
10:57I own it.
10:59Actually, the bank kind of really owns him.
11:01They figure it out.
11:03Guys, you got to figure out a way
11:04to work this out by yourselves, all right?
11:07Randy shouldn't even have a room.
11:08He should be at the bottom of Lake Erie
11:10with the other shrimp.
11:11Brad.
11:13Yeah, and you'd fit right in on Mars
11:14where there's no sign of intelligent life.
11:19First of all, they've never confirmed that.
11:25And second of all,
11:26I want you guys to shake hands and make up.
11:29Big brother, help little brother out.
11:31Come on.
11:33Did you hear what I said?
11:35Shake hands right this minute.
11:36Come on, hop to it.
11:37All right, good man.
11:42Quit squeezing.
11:44You're the one who's squeezing.
11:45Come on, let go.
11:46You let go.
11:47Both let go.
11:47Let him go.
11:48Let go.
11:49All right, let go.
11:51All right, down here.
11:52Try to your mom's way.
11:53That didn't work.
11:54Now it's my way.
11:55I'm splitting you guys up.
11:56What?
11:56I'm moving him in to Mark's room,
11:58and Mark's in with you.
11:59Wait a second.
12:00This is totally unfair.
12:01Why should Brad get his own room?
12:03Because he's the oldest,
12:04and because I say so, all right?
12:05I have to go with Dad on this one.
12:07Don't push it.
12:09This is totally unfair.
12:11Well, life is totally unfair.
12:14When I was your age,
12:14I wanted my own room,
12:15and I didn't get it.
12:17Come to think of it,
12:18I still don't have my own room.
12:28Got a box.
12:30Dad, I don't want to move in with Randy.
12:34Oh.
12:35Mark, it may seem like a bad idea now,
12:37but a lot of times,
12:38bad things turn into good things.
12:40What could be good about sharing a room with Randy?
12:43Well, I've been thinking about it.
12:44Maybe you and Randy will get to know each other better.
12:47When I was your age,
12:48I moved in with Steve.
12:48You know, Uncle Steve and I don't get along.
12:50And when we moved in together,
12:51we got real close.
12:52And after that,
12:53he didn't beat me up so much.
12:57Really?
12:57Yeah.
12:58I guess that could be a good thing.
13:01Yeah.
13:02And maybe you and Randy can gang up against Brad.
13:07Yeah.
13:08All right.
13:09Thanks, Dad.
13:09You bet.
13:10Oh, hi, honey.
13:16Where are you going with that box?
13:17Dad's making me move.
13:22What?
13:23To Randy's room.
13:24Now I get to beat up on Brad.
13:29Chad!
13:31Is that you, honey?
13:32I can hardly hear you.
13:33Got a whole bunch of chamois on sale.
13:38How could you?
13:39You said I always look for bargains.
13:41I mean about switching the boys' rooms.
13:44Oh, I tried it your way.
13:45It didn't work.
13:46My way was that we told them.
13:49Was I not clear?
13:51We, we, we.
13:54It can be taken so many ways.
13:56To you, it meant us.
13:57To the French, it means yes.
13:59To this little piggy, it meant
14:00I'm going all the way home.
14:04I can't believe that you made
14:05a decision like this without me.
14:07If you'd been in the room,
14:07argued with them,
14:08you'd have made the same decision.
14:09No, I wouldn't have.
14:10I would have discussed it with the boys,
14:11then I would have waited
14:11for you to come home,
14:12and we could have discussed it
14:13as a family.
14:14And after all the discussion,
14:15the boys would have been, what, 90?
14:18Great.
14:19Make jokes.
14:19Okay, a crocodile and a giraffe.
14:21Yeah.
14:25Honey, I don't need endless discussions
14:27to make a decision.
14:29Men, assess a situation.
14:31Boom, done.
14:31Are you saying that men
14:34are more decisive than women?
14:36Oh, it's a fact.
14:38Oh, come on.
14:39We don't shop three hours
14:40for shoes and handbags.
14:42The first pair of shoes I see that fit,
14:44I buy them.
14:45Even if they're slingback heels?
14:46If they fit.
14:49You see, just because men
14:51make hasty decisions
14:52doesn't mean that they're the right ones.
14:53Men aren't yammers.
14:55Is that what you think?
14:57You think that I yammer?
14:58Jill, you're a yammerer.
15:02Well, you're a yakass.
15:20Evening, Wilson.
15:21Heavenly ho, good neighbor.
15:25What are you doing?
15:28Tim, I am shooting the moon.
15:33Aren't you supposed to have
15:34your pants down for that?
15:39No, no, no, no, no, Tim.
15:40I'm taking time-lapse photographs.
15:42I'm tracking the path of the blue moon.
15:45Taking some very spectacular shots.
15:47That's funny.
15:48Jill just took some
15:49spectacular shots at me.
15:52He's out of orbit
15:53in the Taylor universe.
15:54I suppose you could say that.
15:56I made a big decision
15:58without asking her.
15:59I, uh, want to stop the boys
16:01from fighting,
16:02so I put them in separate bedrooms.
16:03Mm-mm-mm.
16:04Well, that's a tough decision
16:05to make unilaterally.
16:06Yeah.
16:07Jill figured I should've made
16:08a double-laterally.
16:12She used that word?
16:13No, no.
16:17She doesn't have a big vocabulary
16:18like you and me.
16:21I thought if I separated them
16:23it would stop them from fighting.
16:24Oh, I see.
16:25Well, Tim, what were they
16:25fighting about?
16:27They're boys.
16:28They fight about everything.
16:28What does it matter?
16:30Well, Tim, what you're describing
16:31to me brings to mind
16:32the Veruca vulgaris.
16:36What?
16:37Also known as the common wart.
16:41You're calling my son's warts?
16:43Not that I mind.
16:44I don't mind.
16:44No, no, no, no, no, no, Tim.
16:46What I'm trying to say is
16:47most people think
16:48the best way
16:48to get rid of a wart
16:49is to cut it off,
16:50but in actuality
16:51that isn't the best solution.
16:53See, the wart will reappear
16:54because the virus
16:55is still below
16:56the surface of the skin.
16:58So just putting my two warts
17:00in separate rooms
17:00isn't going to cure
17:01this problem, huh?
17:02No.
17:03No, Tim.
17:04The only way
17:04to get rid of a wart
17:05is to go beneath
17:06the surface of the oily skin
17:08and dig out the root.
17:11I see.
17:12Thanks.
17:13Mm-hmm.
17:14Wilson?
17:15Mm-hmm.
17:16This is bar none the most disgusting conversation we've ever had.
17:27Hi.
17:28Hi.
17:29Where's Mark?
17:32I don't know.
17:35Did you stuff him in one of these drawers?
17:39Not funny, huh?
17:41It was about as funny as my dad did.
17:45You think you could talk to him?
17:48Would you feel better if things went back to the way they were?
17:51I'd feel better if I had my own room.
17:53Unfortunately, that's not going to be an option.
17:55So what are my options?
17:58Living with a dork or living with Brad who talks on the phone all day?
18:02Honey, Brad is in junior high school now.
18:06You know, he's got a lot of new stuff happening.
18:08He's meeting new friends, getting interested in girls.
18:11Let me get this straight.
18:12Brad gets new friends, girls in his own room, and I get Mark?
18:17I'm sorry.
18:22I know that this is hard for you.
18:25I remember when my sister hit her teens, you know, I...
18:29She was doing all this interesting stuff that I wished I was doing.
18:33Like what?
18:35Well, she got her own room.
18:38She started wearing makeup, shaving her legs.
18:41Can you imagine how I felt when she got to wear a bra and I was still wearing a dorky undershirt?
18:47Yeah, I can.
18:48When do you think I'll get to wear a bra, Mom?
18:54Okay.
18:55Okay, that's probably not the greatest example.
18:57But what I mean is...
19:00I got older, you know?
19:02And I got to have some of those same experiences.
19:04I can't say the shaving the legs part was so great.
19:06But then my sister moved out.
19:08And then you got your own room.
19:10No, then Dad turned it into a study.
19:14Oh, great.
19:15Don't worry.
19:16I mean, with your father, you won't have that problem.
19:21Yeah, Dad's idea of a study is a toilet and three hot rod magazines.
19:31You know, Randy, there are some advantages to sharing a room with a younger kid.
19:38Such as?
19:39You have always wanted to have the upper bunk.
19:42You get to listen to more of your music.
19:44Nobody can kick you out of your room.
19:47Yeah.
19:50But I can always kick Mark out.
19:52I didn't say that.
19:55Oh, who knows?
19:56Maybe just one of these days I'll just completely lose my mind and let your father build another room.
20:01I don't think so, Mom.
20:09Jill.
20:10Jill.
20:12We gotta talk.
20:13No, it's not necessary.
20:14You know, because I've been thinking about what you said, and I think that women do need to be more decisive.
20:19So I've decided that we should move my car into the garage and your hot rod out to the street.
20:22No.
20:23And I should paint all your tools pink.
20:25No, no.
20:26I've also decided that I'm not doing any more of your laundry.
20:29Well, okay, okay, okay, okay.
20:30I get your point.
20:32And I've decided that no matter what I do, those warts are going back to Bulgaria.
20:36Why do I even try to talk to you?
20:37The point is, we've got to get beneath the oily surface and get to the root of the boy's problem.
20:48I've already gotten to the root of the boy's problem.
20:50Randy feels that Brad is leaving him behind.
20:53What do you mean?
20:54Well, Brad's growing up.
20:55He doesn't want to spend any time hanging around with his little brother anymore.
20:58That's what this is about?
21:00Yeah.
21:01Oh, it's bound to happen, I guess.
21:02Yeah.
21:03There was a time my brothers didn't want me tagging around with them.
21:05Did it bum you out?
21:07Not really, because I'd tag along anyway.
21:10Bum them out.
21:12They'd go to the drive-in with their girlfriends and I'd sit in the back seat and pop up right when they were trying to make their move with a fright wig.
21:20Get out of my normal!
21:21I'm not too!
21:23Hey, let me in!
21:25Get out of my normal!
21:29I just made another decision.
21:31Puerto Rico?
21:32It's nice this time of year.
21:35Hi.
21:36Hi.
21:37Hi.
21:38Is it alright if I hang out in here?
21:39If you want.
21:40I've got to get away from Mom.
21:41Why?
21:42Did she tell you the bra story?
21:44No.
21:45She keeps bugging me about my new room.
21:46You know, having your own room isn't as great as you think it is.
21:47Why not?
21:48Because Mom says it's a privilege.
21:49And with privilege comes more responsibility.
21:51Sounds bad.
21:52No kidding.
21:53No kidding.
21:54I even have to do my own work.
21:55I know.
21:56Why? Did she tell you the bra story?
22:02No. She keeps bugging me about my new room.
22:06You know, having your own room isn't as great as you think it is.
22:10Why not?
22:12Because Mom says it's a privilege, and with privilege comes more responsibility.
22:18Sounds bad.
22:21No kidding. I even have to do my own laundry.
22:26Oh, man.
22:29But it's not that bad. See, I figured it out.
22:33I'll only have to do it once a month if I turn my shirts inside out, and I wear my underwear three times.
22:41Do me a little favor. When it gets to the end of the month, stay in your own room.
22:56Can you imagine how I felt when she got to wear a bra and I was still wearing a dorky undershirt?
23:04Yeah, I can.
23:05I was still wearing a dorky undershirt.
23:06Take care of when it was supposed to be.
23:07You don't have to do it.
23:08I'll just be wearing a dorky undershirt.
23:10I'm-I-nuh-wuh-hirt.
23:11I'm-I-wuh-wuh.
23:11I'm-I-wuh-wuh.
23:12I'm-I-wuh-wuh.
23:13I-wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh.
23:13I'm-I-wuh-wuh-wuh.
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