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TVTranscript
00:00Blue 32, uh, uh, Ike!
00:04Brad, go along.
00:05All right.
00:07Deeper, deeper.
00:08Deep this, mini Montana.
00:11Just about to take that outside.
00:13Nice try.
00:14Is Mom home?
00:16No.
00:17Great.
00:18Go along by the couch.
00:19Give me down now.
00:20Look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look,
00:23Hey, didn't you sign up for elective today?
00:27Yeah, um, let's go, Randy.
00:28No, wait a minute.
00:29I'm real proud of you.
00:30Your first year of shop.
00:32The year of the ashtray.
00:36Actually, Brad's taking home ec.
00:39What?
00:40This is the year of the muffin.
00:44Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:46Home ec, you really gotta take shop.
00:48It's when you learn about tools and building things and tearing stuff down and sawdust and
00:52oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:54Yeah, but home ec is me and 30 girls.
00:56What do you want to be around 30 girls for?
01:00Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:01Yeah, I'll catch you, Randy.
01:03Before you go jumping in a room with 30 girls, you really should take shop.
01:08Why?
01:09Shop prepares you for women, huh?
01:12You learn how to cut wood, how to sever a finger.
01:16You learn pain.
01:18And you're ready for women.
01:19No.
01:20No.
01:22No.
01:22No.
01:27No.
01:27No.
01:37No.
01:38guitar solo
02:08What do you think?
02:31What do you think?
02:38guitar solo
02:48Hey, tool man!
02:55I watch you on TV all the time. I love you.
02:59Hey, I love you, too. Who are you?
03:00Joe Morton, your new neighbor. I just moved into the house across the alley.
03:03Hey, all right, all right, all right. I saw the movie van.
03:06Uh-huh.
03:06Did I see a 50-inch square TV?
03:08Hey, you know what's great on the big screen?
03:10What?
03:10Tool time!
03:12Well, welcome to the neighborhood, Joe. What line are you working in?
03:14I'm in meat. You know how they call you the tool man?
03:16Yeah?
03:16I'm the meat man.
03:17All right.
03:17Morton Meats. You heard of us?
03:19Yeah.
03:19Yeah.
03:20Eight locations, best meat in the Midwest.
03:22Yeah.
03:22You want a pen?
03:24Little cow on there.
03:25Yeah.
03:25Turn it upside down. See what she does.
03:29All right.
03:34Sounded like Moo Power.
03:37That's great.
03:38Hey, this hot rod's a beaut. What year?
03:40This, uh, 33.
03:41Oh, really?
03:42Mm-hmm.
03:42It looks more like a 34 body on a 33 chassis to me.
03:45No, it's all 33.
03:46Oh, hey, I'm not an expert, but I go to the hot rod show every year.
03:49Well, meat man, I built it myself. It's 33.
03:52So, I guess a big-time cable TV host like you makes out pretty good, huh?
03:55I guess you could say I got the highest credit limit allowed at Sears.
04:00Still, you can't be making Bob Vila money, right? He's on real TV.
04:04It's pretty common knowledge that Vila's overpaid for what he does.
04:07Oh, I hit a nerve, huh?
04:09Yeah, I really don't want you sitting on that.
04:10Oh, yeah, sure.
04:11Well, whatever you're making, you must be doing okay.
04:13Yeah.
04:14Bought you one of these, baby.
04:15Oh, I'm okay. I'm okay. Don't worry about me.
04:17I wasn't.
04:19Uh, what kind of grill is that?
04:21Well, it's, uh...
04:22It's a dented reproduction of a 33 Roadster.
04:27Oh, did I?
04:27Listen, just tell me how much it costs.
04:29I'll give you the cash right now.
04:30It was an accident.
04:31I can pound that out.
04:32I just figured I'd drive before I put a den in it.
04:35That's funny.
04:37You know, I like the guy like you who can just shake things off.
04:39Yeah, I'm going to get back on this winch if you don't mind.
04:42Don't mind me. I'm just a fly on the wall.
04:44Wish I had some insect refilling.
04:45I'll just buzz around and watch.
04:49All right.
04:58I really got something to do inside.
05:00Oh, uh, what? What is it?
05:02A little problem.
05:03What's wrong?
05:04Uh, what's wrong?
05:05Uh, it's my wife.
05:07Uh, she's got this condition.
05:09I gotta go wake her up, you know, and dress her,
05:11and poor coffee down her throat.
05:12Just get her going.
05:13I hear you, buddy.
05:16No, no, no, that's not it.
05:17No, hey, hey, hey, hey, it's Timmy.
05:19It's nothing to be ashamed of.
05:20You know, I see a guy like you on TV,
05:22I figure there's a guy who got it made.
05:23Now I find out there's a dark side of the tool man.
05:27Take care, buddy.
05:28Oh, it's your pay.
05:31Beauty.
05:38Does everybody know what time it is?
05:41Tool time!
05:42That's right.
05:43Bit4Tools is proud to present
05:44Tim the Tool Man Taylor!
05:46Woo!
05:52Thank you, Heidi.
05:54And welcome to Tool Time, everybody.
05:56I am Tim the Tool Man Taylor,
05:57and you all know my assistant, Al.
05:59God knows what's under that beard borling.
06:03Today, Al and I will be talking about fencing.
06:05In order to do that, I'm going to need my, uh, dueling dowel.
06:10Heidi?
06:11Here you go, Tim.
06:13Thanks, Heidi.
06:13You're welcome.
06:13I'm guard, big fella.
06:19Come on, flannel man.
06:20Come on.
06:23I'm scared.
06:26This is not the type of fencing we're talking about.
06:28Today, we'll be talking about the classic...
06:30Thank you for messing with us.
06:40Oh, my God.
06:42Oh, my God.
06:44Oh, my God.
06:49Okay?
06:51Oh, my God.
06:53Fencing champion, Gilmore Hyde, 1976.
07:05Al and I have done this to prove a point.
07:07No, we haven't.
07:08Just as Al defended himself against me,
07:11a sturdy fence is a great way to defend your home.
07:13The best way to keep out dogs, cats, and a pesky neighbor.
07:17And the good thing about a fence
07:18is you don't have to be a master carpenter to build one.
07:20A big plus for you, Tim.
07:22Good for you.
07:22As I said, this is the classic alternate board fence.
07:26Now, one of the first things we want to show you
07:27is how to keep that fence plumb.
07:29And for that, we need a jig.
07:30Tim, the jig.
07:38This will help keep your fence plumb
07:42as well as help with spacing.
07:44While Al's fiddling around with his plumb,
07:46I'm going to discuss another way to stop a pesky neighbor.
07:49You guess it.
07:50Electrical shock.
07:50To demonstrate that,
07:53we've installed an invisible doggy fence.
07:56We have?
07:57Yes.
07:57Right through the floor here.
07:59Now,
08:00Foo-Foo wears a special collar.
08:03When attached to him,
08:04it activates the fence.
08:05Huh?
08:06Now, Foo-Foo,
08:07where Domino,
08:07to try to stray off the property,
08:09he gets a mild correctional shock.
08:11Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
08:13Hey, hey, hey.
08:15Hey.
08:16Do-do-do-do.
08:17Hey, hey, hey, hey.
08:19Now,
08:20this will work on that pesky neighbor
08:23if you can get him who wears a collar.
08:27Al,
08:28won't you be my neighbor?
08:29I don't think so, Tim
08:34Alright, let's get back to building that fence
08:36We're gonna need more slats here
08:37So you'll walk over there and grab those slats for me
08:40We can finish that and get to the gate ahead of that
08:42Sure thing
08:43Could you get me those nails there, Tim?
08:59So I said to the salesman
09:10You can either give me a new pair of pantyhose
09:12Or I'll strangle you with these
09:14Marie, you are so good with people
09:16You know, you gotta love you
09:20I learned that in therapy
09:21This may come as a surprise to you, you know
09:23But I used to be a meek person
09:25Oh, so was I
09:26Until we moved to Texas
09:28You know, you can't be meek in Texas
09:29It's a state law
09:30You get this?
09:35Thanks a lot, Jill
09:36I know I'll find ours as soon as I finish unpacking
09:38Oh, don't worry about it
09:40We always have a few extra toasters around
09:41You know, Tim goes through them quickly
09:43How about a piece of cake?
09:47Oh, I'd love some
09:48But you know what?
09:49I really shouldn't
09:50My therapist says I have food issues
09:52Oh, please, who doesn't?
09:55So, what is this here in therapy?
09:57Yeah
09:57Started two weeks ago
09:58I got a coupon
09:59Discount therapy?
10:04This is an interesting idea
10:05Well, maybe I shouldn't tempt you
10:07Oh, come on
10:08What does that therapist know?
10:09He accepts coupons
10:10So, how about a little piece, then?
10:14How about a big hunk?
10:16Okay
10:17Tim, I want you to come over here and meet Marie
10:20She has volunteered to help me with the library fundraiser
10:23So, you finally hooked somebody
10:24Yeah
10:25I got a piece of cake out of the deal, too
10:26Nice to meet you, Marie
10:27Yeah, hi, handsome
10:28There you go
10:28Thank you
10:29Uh, I want to sit and chit-chat
10:30But I'm going to go put the grill on
10:31I'll show it to you a little bit later
10:32I thought you already did that today
10:34Oh, didn't even tell you
10:35I met our new neighbor
10:37Mr. Meat Man
10:38Mr. Obnoxious
10:40This guy comes over
10:42Breaks the grill
10:43Did he happen to give you a pen?
10:47Yeah, with a big cow on it
10:48You know the guy?
10:49Mm, I'm married to him
10:50Oh, yeah
10:51Wait a minute
10:57I said obnoxious, didn't I?
10:59I meant gregarious
10:59Listen, no need to explain to me
11:03I call him a lot worse, believe me
11:04I got to go home, Jill
11:06I got to cook some supper
11:07But you didn't finish your cake
11:09I'm taking it with me
11:10Oh, okay, I'll walk you out
11:11All right
11:12See you later, doll face
11:13Nice to meet you
11:14Tim, while I'm gone
11:16Can you try to get your foot out of your mouth?
11:19I'm gonna pound you
11:21Hey, hey, hey, hey
11:21Cut it out
11:22Break it
11:22Come on, come on
11:23You guys are supposed to be setting the table
11:24What's going on?
11:26Word got out about
11:27Loverboy's idea to meet girls
11:29Every guy in the 7th grade
11:32Signed up for Home Act
11:33Dad, I mean
11:37They put us in separate class
11:3830 boys and no girls
11:40And we have to sew
11:44I'd like to help you out, Brad
11:46I really would
11:47But I got a whole drawer full of socks
11:49Sneak darnin'
11:49And, uh, maybe after that
11:53You can crochet me a sweater
11:54Yeah
11:55You better still set that table
11:58Come on, no running in the house
11:59Nice going as usual, Tim
12:02I think I smoothed things over, though
12:03We're gonna have dinner with Joe and Marie
12:05On Saturday night
12:06We don't wanna do that
12:08Oh, I do
12:10I like Marie
12:11I don't like Joe
12:12You don't know that guy
12:13Well, you only spent a couple of minutes with him
12:15Yeah, and already
12:15He's loud, obnoxious
12:16Thinks he knows everything about cars
12:18Why does this sound familiar?
12:22Whoa, look
12:24You like Marie?
12:25Why don't you go out with Marie?
12:26Oh, come on
12:27They're new in the neighborhood
12:27They don't know anybody besides
12:29It's an opportunity for us to go out with another couple for a change
12:32Well, pick another couple
12:33How about Jack and Suzanne?
12:34They don't like you
12:36We could go out with the couple we went out last weekend
12:41Al and his mother do not constitute a couple
12:45Al's mother by herself constitutes a couple
12:50Worse than me
12:50You're going
12:54I'll tell you what
13:08Let's just go to the salad bar
13:09We can be out of here in one hour
13:11Oh, right
13:12And if we don't chew
13:13We can be out of here in five minutes
13:14Hey, Tool Man
13:18Oh
13:19Finally, I'm meeting Mrs. Tool Man
13:22Honey, honey
13:22Her name's Jill
13:23Hey, Jill
13:24Hi, Joe
13:25Come here
13:26I'm a hugger
13:27I'm a shaker
13:27Sit down, sit down
13:32Please
13:32Oh, thank you
13:33Thank you
13:34Tonight, everything's on the meat now
13:37Don't even look at the prices
13:38Order whatever you want
13:39Ah, chicken on it
13:41You don't come to a place like the Chuck house for chicken
13:43You want steak
13:44Honey, let him order what he wants
13:45Well, why don't you try the steak?
13:47I don't want the steak
13:48I'd like the chicken
13:49You can get chicken anywhere
13:52I'd like the chicken here
13:53No, you want the steak here
13:55They make it so rare
13:56You need eight rolls to sop up all the blood
13:58I think I'll have the chicken
14:01Oh, Jill, you've got to have the steak
14:05It's just what the doctor ordered for your condition
14:06What condition?
14:08Why don't you tell us about the steaks?
14:10I told you, Joe
14:10She doesn't have a condition
14:11Tim said she had a condition
14:13Hey, you know he's right
14:14You can go anywhere for chicken
14:16Let's go have steaks
14:16And what condition would that be, Tim?
14:20Tim said you got no pep
14:21And you stay in bed for days at a time
14:23And why did you say that?
14:27I didn't say that
14:28Yeah, you did
14:29I did not
14:29Yes, you did
14:30No, I didn't
14:30Then what did you say?
14:36I was in the garage
14:37I can't remember what I say in the garage
14:38There's all those fumes in there
14:40Oh, look, the drinks are here
14:43Oh, boy
14:44We didn't order any drinks
14:45Oh, well, Joe took the liberty
14:47For the three of us, I got Cabernet Sauvignon
14:49All right
14:50And for you, Jill, I got this
14:52What is this?
14:54It's Shirley Temple
14:55Oh
14:56Yeah, Tim told me about your other little problem
14:59Excuse me, waitress
15:04Can you bring us some extra rolls, please?
15:07I'm gonna need him to sop up all the blood
15:09I'm never gonna finish this stupid hat
15:29Well, then you won't get a chance
15:31To make the skirt that goes with it
15:33How'd you like a split lip?
15:37Well, that'd be great
15:38Because then you get extra credit
15:39For sewing it back up
15:40Hey, hey, hey
15:41All right, all right
15:42Hey, now, come on
15:42Cool down, you guys
15:43Randy, don't make fun of your brother
15:46Sewing is a valuable skill
15:48That has served me well
15:49You know how to sew
15:53You're darn tootin'
15:55And I learned to sew
15:56In the Navy
15:58I didn't know you were in the Navy
16:01Signed up when I was 18
16:03Wanted to travel the world
16:04Cast my fortune to the wind
16:06And sail the seven seas
16:08Where'd you sail?
16:11Nowhere
16:12I was stationed in Fallon, Nevada
16:16Holy smokes, your folks are home
16:22Quick, quick
16:22Turn that off
16:23Quick
16:23Get up to bed
16:24Mark, Mark, wake up
16:26Wake up, you gotta go to sleep
16:28I thought I was sleeping
16:31Hi, hey, so
16:37How was the evening?
16:38Great
16:39I'm hungry
16:39Well, I thought you went out to dinner
16:41His steak was a little rare
16:43A little rare?
16:45That steak had a bell on it
16:46Where are those cookies?
16:52I ate them
16:53All of them?
16:56Well, you're not paying me
16:57You said I could eat
16:58Whatever I wanted
16:58Don't pay any attention to him
17:02He's probably just upset
17:04Because his wife
17:04Has severe emotional problems
17:06I told Joe that
17:08To get him out of the garage
17:09We've discussed this, haven't we?
17:10So you said my wife
17:11Is a slug?
17:14I was desperate
17:15Where are those little sausages?
17:16Al, Tim told our new neighbors
17:22That I was a depressed alcoholic
17:24With a sleeping disorder
17:25And only an insensitive jerk
17:28Would have repeated that
17:29You know, if you wanted those sausages
17:30You should have told me
17:31Would you shut up?
17:33Don't take this out on Al
17:34This isn't his problem
17:35No, the problem is the meat man
17:37No, the problem is
17:38Your brain doesn't serve any function
17:39Other than keeping your head
17:40From caving in
17:41Wilson
17:48Wilson
17:52Wilson
17:56Tim
18:08Wilson
18:09You up?
18:11I am now
18:14Have you ever had
18:15A real annoying neighbor?
18:23Tim, is this a trick question?
18:27No, no
18:27I'm talking about
18:28That guy next door to me
18:29Just moved in
18:30Joe
18:30He's already
18:32Bugging me
18:33Well, I know the feeling, Tim
18:36That guy is such a pain in the butt
18:39Just being around him
18:41Gives me a headache
18:42Tim, you wouldn't happen to have
18:43An aspirin on you, would you?
18:47What would you do?
18:48Well, what I would do
18:49When I'm face to face
18:50With an irksome individual
18:51I always say
18:52Look for the good in people
18:54Huh, that works
18:57Most of the time
18:58And if it doesn't
18:59I take his ball away
19:02Hey, tool man
19:11Boy, you're jumpy
19:13Do you ever use a front door, Joe?
19:15You know, you really got me
19:16In hot water with your wife
19:17I kept trying to figure out
19:19Why you would tell me a lie like that
19:20Then it comes to me
19:22You're having an affair, right?
19:26No, I'm not having an affair, Joe
19:28Okay, then I know what it is
19:29You hate me
19:31I wouldn't say that
19:34Hey, don't apologize
19:36I know the meat man comes on strong sometimes
19:38I'm not everybody's cut of beef
19:39I'm sorry
19:44Hey, look, I'm the one that should apologize
19:46For making up that stupid story
19:47Ah, well
19:48I should learn how to let people eat chicken
19:50Anyway, tool man
19:51I got something for you
19:53That was all right, Joe
19:53You don't need to do that
19:54Hey
19:59Hey
20:01This is an original 33
20:04Yeah, well
20:05I felt real bad about
20:06Denting your fake one
20:07Well, I mean, these are impossible to find
20:11I look for two years
20:12Hey, hey
20:13Not for the meat man
20:13I called in a few favors
20:15Drove to Ohio
20:16Bingo, bango
20:17You got yourself a grill
20:18The grill of my dreams
20:20You know, this must have cost a fortune
20:25Hey, don't worry about it
20:26I'm doing great
20:27Anyway, when the hot rod's all done
20:30You give me a spin around the block
20:31We'll call it even, okay?
20:32You got it
20:32See you around, buddy
20:33Thanks, Joe
20:38Yeah
20:39Is that Joe's voice I heard?
20:41Yeah
20:42Look what he did
20:43He found an original grill for the 33
20:46An original
20:47You know
20:49Like I always say
20:51You just got to find the good in people
20:54So now you like the meat man?
20:58Oh, yeah
20:59I like meat man
20:59And, uh, honey, honey
21:02I apologize for making up this stupid story
21:04I was out of line
21:05But
21:05You know what?
21:06If you and Marie want to go out as couples
21:07I'm in
21:08Marie and I definitely want to go out as couples
21:12All right
21:12We just got to find two other guys
21:14Yeah, Jerry
21:19Oh, you want us to see your vacation videos?
21:23Oh, that's too bad
21:25We can't do it
21:26No, no
21:27Tim's working late
21:29You know, he's not here
21:30Oh, I'm so sorry
21:32Well, maybe some other time
21:34Okay, bye-bye
21:35Liar, liar, bras on fire
21:40Oh, so you want to go over to Jerry and Sheila's
21:44And watch them argue their way through Europe?
21:46That's not the point
21:47Why is it I can't lie about you
21:48And you can lie about me?
21:49Because I'm better at it
21:51Tim, if you're gonna lie about me
21:54You know, you just have to use common sense
21:56Wait, hold on
21:57We have to find another guideline
21:58All right
22:01Why don't we just sit down and discuss
22:02Acceptable lies and non-acceptable lies
22:03Okay, okay, I'll give you some, all right
22:05Um, lie number one
22:07I can't go out tonight
22:09Because my wife is accepting a Mother of the Year award
22:13Okay
22:16All right
22:17Lie number two
22:18I can't go out tonight because my wife is finishing her third book
22:23Reading it or writing it?
22:26Very funny
22:27All right, I'm getting the vibe here
22:28All right
22:29Uh, we can't go out tonight because my wife is braiding her back hair
22:33Not acceptable
22:40A little over the top?
22:41Yeah
22:42All right
22:42Can't go out tonight because my wife will be hugging me and smothering me in romantic kisses
22:46Acceptable but nauseating
22:48Okay
22:48Oh, I always say look for the good in people
22:56And that works
22:58Most of the time
22:59And if it doesn't
23:00I miss the ball
23:02Oh, I always say look for the good in people
23:07And it works
23:09Most of the time
23:10Good, good, good
23:23Bye
23:28Oh, I always say look for the good in people
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