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00:01You've prepared your surface, now you're ready to paint.
00:04You want the bedroom the color of a football.
00:06Your wife wants the color of a daisy.
00:08What color do you prefer, men?
00:10Football!
00:11Hey, you're...
00:12Daisy!
00:17Well, Tim, I like my bedroom to be light and airy.
00:23Just like Al.
00:25We're going to paint the bedroom the color of a football.
00:28Now, how do we match this color perfectly?
00:29Well, Tim, we use the Binford 250 Paint Boy.
00:32Right.
00:33It mixes the color and analyzes the pigments.
00:35Would that be the three little pigments?
00:39No, Tim, it wouldn't.
00:40Sure wouldn't.
00:41Take your football, set it underneath electric eye, press your color key, and boom.
00:47We've got ourselves Touchdown Brown.
00:49And this works with more than just footballs.
00:51You can duplicate any of your favorite colors.
00:54That's right.
00:55Antifreeze green.
00:56Roadkill gray.
00:58Whoa.
01:00Smash your thumb with a hammer purple.
01:03But today, we develop a color just for tool time.
01:05The color Al.
01:08Excuse me, Tim?
01:09I'm going to make a color out of you.
01:11You'll be bigger than fuchsia.
01:15This is absolutely ridiculous.
01:16No, let's just show them what the machine can do.
01:17No, come on.
01:18Come on.
01:19Play along, Al.
01:20That's not what the machine...
01:21Al, just put your finger in there.
01:23There you go.
01:25Okay.
01:26One part pasty white, two parts flannel.
01:27Okay.
01:28I don't want to be a color.
01:29Well, neither did red.
01:30And look how well things turned out for him.
01:31Computer's in.
01:32All right.
01:33Oh, yeah.
01:34And we got a bucket of Al.
01:35I'm ready to paint with Big Al here.
01:36Okay.
01:37Of course, Al is economical in the gallon size here.
01:38Now it goes on smooth, just like that.
01:39Oh.
01:40Oh.
01:41Oh.
01:42Oh.
01:43Oh.
01:44Oh.
01:45Oh.
01:46Oh.
01:47Oh.
01:48Oh.
01:49Oh.
01:50Oh.
01:51Oh.
01:52Oh.
01:53Oh.
01:54Oh.
01:55Oh.
01:56Oh.
01:57Oh.
01:58Oh.
01:59Oh.
02:00Oh.
02:01Oh.
02:02Oh.
02:03Oh.
02:04Oh.
02:05Oh.
02:06Oh.
02:07Oh.
02:26The Al paint can be cleaned up with soap and water unlike the real Al, which
02:29needs turpentine to wire brush.
02:32For the larger jobs, industrial buildings and warehouses, we suggest a roller and a couple gallons of Al's mom.
03:02guitar solo
03:32Well, what do you think?
03:53Hey, Tim.
04:00Hey, Jim. What's up?
04:01Hey, what are you doing?
04:03Taking my hot water apart.
04:05Didn't you just put this thing together? Or am I nuts?
04:09Bingo on both counts.
04:12Well, I'm going to take it apart piece by piece, send it to my paint guy, Fred Axelby.
04:16Should be all ready to go in about two months.
04:18Two months? I got a paint guy who'll spray the whole thing for you in one hour.
04:21You don't even have to get out of the car.
04:25One hour? Will they develop my film?
04:27Oh, sorry. So is Marie over here?
04:31Yeah, she and Jill are in looking at dresses for that library fundraiser thing, which is why I'm out in the garage.
04:38Women and clothes. Why do they make such a big deal out of what they're going to wear?
04:41It's important. In my case, I'm thinking about a three-piece pinstripe blue suit with tasseled loafers, but I'm almost certain I'm going to go with you off a shoulder taffeta gown with the pumps.
04:52Can't wear that. That's what I'm wearing.
04:54Well, I'll go with the sling bags.
04:56That's a good look for you.
04:58Okay.
04:59Oh, that is beautiful.
05:03I don't know. It is really expensive.
05:06Oh, God. Even my butt looks good.
05:12Come on, Jill. You know you deserve this dress. The library is halfway at its goal because of you. Why else do you think we're having a dinner in your honor?
05:19No, I can't. I can't. I don't even know if I can sit down in this thing.
05:22So what? It's a buffet.
05:25Hey, hon. Hey, Jill.
05:27Hey.
05:27Hi, Joe.
05:28Tim, how sensational does Jill look in this dress?
05:31Wow. She looks good. I've always liked her in that dress.
05:36Tim, this is brand new. You've never seen it before.
05:40On you? I've seen it. Al's got that dress.
05:45Tim, tell her to forget about the money and buy the dress, please.
05:50Honey, it looks good on you. Why don't you buy the dress? You never do anything nice for yourself. You know how you are.
05:55What do you mean? How am I?
05:57You're tight, thrifty, cheap, cheapo.
06:00I am not cheap. I'm frugal.
06:03Frugal? You saved pickle juice.
06:06I reused it in the tuna fish.
06:08If you like the dress, it looks spectacular. Why don't you buy it? We'll save money some other way.
06:11We won't feed the kids for a couple months.
06:14Hey, I got a dress, Sky. I'll get you the same thing for half.
06:17No, really? For half? Not a knockoff? Not a second?
06:21The same exact dress. It's completely on the up and up.
06:24Wow. Um, well, okay. What's his name?
06:27Can't say.
06:29Well, what's his number?
06:30No, no, no. You don't call him. He calls you.
06:33When he calls, you say, the swallows fly at midnight.
06:37No, really. Is this on the up and up, you swear?
06:43Oh, I guarantee it. I've known the guy for years. I'll have him call you tomorrow.
06:46Well, great. Okay. But, uh, make sure, because I gotta have this by the end of the week.
06:50Now, there's the designer. This is the dress size. Don't tell anybody.
06:53Um, well, Jim, I guess I better go get this off before I do something to it.
06:56Um, I'll see you later, Marie. Thanks. And thank you, Joe!
06:59Sure.
07:00Tim, Tim, I gotta talk to you. The photo lab called. They said you didn't bring in the picture yet.
07:04Picture?
07:04The picture of Jill that you were supposed to bring in three weeks ago.
07:08Picture?
07:08The one that we're gonna blow up and have everyone sign at the dinner.
07:11The picture.
07:14Gotta get it to the photo lab by six if we're gonna have it on Saturday night.
07:17No problem.
07:18All right. Well, you know, it's 5.30 now.
07:20Big problem. Huge problem.
07:24I can't believe the dress isn't here yet. We have to be there in 25 minutes.
07:28Why did I ever get involved with Joe and his dress guy? Why?
07:30Because you're frugal.
07:31You should never have let me return that dress.
07:36I tried to talk you into buying the dress. What are you talking about?
07:38Don't argue with me now. Please, Tim.
07:40You know, we've got to get out of here. Jill, come on. You look great.
07:43I'm wearing a bathrobe!
07:45Get on some slippers. Let's go.
07:47Wait, wait, wait. Why don't you wear that slinky blue dress that's low-cut?
07:50I don't have a blue dress.
07:52Who was that?
07:54Oh, I remember.
07:55Oh, good. He's finally here.
08:00Oh, no. It's just L.
08:05Well, it's not exactly glad to see you, but I'll take it.
08:08Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just, you know, I'm waiting for somebody.
08:10Well, you look great.
08:12I'm wearing a robe. Doesn't anybody notice? I'm wearing a robe!
08:17Hey, guys.
08:18Yeah!
08:19All right! Yeah! Hey!
08:21Yeah!
08:22Okay, I got a big evening planned for us tonight.
08:24Oh, can we go see Blood-Sucking Vampires from Mars?
08:27No, you're not seeing that movie.
08:28Why not?
08:29I want to see that as a family.
08:33Nope, we're not going to go see a movie tonight.
08:35I thought maybe we'd do something a little more interactive.
08:38How does miniature golf at the Putt-Putt panorama sound?
08:41Hey, cool. They have an awesome video arcade.
08:44Yeah.
08:45Oh, no, no, no. You don't go to Putt-Putt to play video games.
08:48You go there for one thing and one thing only.
08:51Miniature golf.
08:52All right, let's go!
08:53I don't know.
08:55I'd rather see a movie.
08:57Yeah, I want to see The Nuttiest Raccoon.
08:59The Nuttiest Raccoon?
09:01Trust me, Mark. It's a big disappointment.
09:03He was not that nutty.
09:07Believe it. I had to wear this dress.
09:09Everybody's seen it. I've worn it like a thousand times.
09:11I've taken it in. I've taken it out. I've taken it up.
09:13I've taken it down.
09:14Joe, I'm really sorry about this.
09:16But you'll be happy to know that as of this minute,
09:18I'm getting myself a new dress guy.
09:19Joe, I don't want you to take this the wrong way,
09:21but I'm going to have to kill you now.
09:23Honey, honey, honey.
09:24The parking lot attendant loved this dress.
09:26He said his mom's got one just like it.
09:29Marie, come with me. I've got to go fix my face.
09:31Good idea.
09:35Now, there's nothing wrong with your face.
09:36I didn't... There's no...
09:37Boy, your wife is really steamed.
09:40Welcome to my world.
09:43Hey, that's Joe's picture.
09:45I'm going to write something nice on her.
09:46Maybe she won't be so mad at me.
09:49That's the picture you picked out?
10:04Well, it looked a lot better on her driver's license,
10:06I'll tell you that.
10:09You blew up her driver's license?
10:11That's all I could find.
10:12She hid all the photo albums.
10:13Oh, boy. Are you in trouble?
10:15No.
10:16I'm dead.
10:18I'm past dead.
10:19I'm deader than dead.
10:21You know, but the good news is,
10:23I'm off the hook.
10:27I'm going to get something.
10:32Honey, honey, excuse me.
10:34You don't want to go in there.
10:35Why not?
10:36You're the guest honor.
10:37We're going to make a big hit.
10:39Let's go in the back way.
10:40No, no, no. There is no back way.
10:41There is no back way.
10:42You know, wait a minute.
10:43Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
10:43Wait a minute.
10:44Let's go through the basement,
10:46get in the heat inductance,
10:46crawl up at the right time,
10:47and pop through a vent.
10:48Hi, I'm Jill.
10:50What?
10:51Trust me.
10:52I have a TV show in front of an audience.
10:54It'll be huge.
10:56Tim, quit kidding around.
10:57I want to show Jill the surprise we got.
10:58No, you don't.
10:59What surprise?
11:01The committee did something special for you,
11:02but we can't take all the credit.
11:03Remember, Tim picked out the picture.
11:05Oh, honey, you gave me a surprise.
11:08Oh, that's so nice.
11:09Gosh darn it.
11:10Why don't we all see the surprise together?
11:11Oh, okay.
11:15You blew up my driver's license picture?
11:19That's a surprise.
11:22I've got to go fix my face.
11:24Well, honey, all in all,
11:40it was a pretty good evening, wasn't it?
11:42It was a great speech.
11:47Oh, that roast beef was good, wasn't it?
11:49Who would have thought I had certain potatoes
11:51with the roast beef?
11:53What was that sauce that had,
11:54that special sauce that had in it that said...
11:56Gravy.
11:56Gravy.
11:58But it was beef gravy, and they cooked it.
12:00It was spiced.
12:01It was so...
12:01Shut up, Tim.
12:02Oh.
12:04How could you blow up my driver's license picture?
12:07How could you do that?
12:08Well, it was better looking than your passport photo.
12:12Well, there are only two choices here.
12:14Tim, there's tons of pictures of me in this house.
12:17Well, I didn't have time.
12:18Why not?
12:20Oh, because Marie sprang this on me at the last minute.
12:22The last minute?
12:23The very last minute.
12:25And if she'd give me some time,
12:26I would have picked out a perfect picture.
12:28Oh, oh.
12:29So you're just saying this was all Marie's fault?
12:31Well, I wouldn't want to point the finger at her.
12:33As a matter of fact, I wouldn't even mention it to her.
12:35Who are you calling?
12:37Time.
12:37Oh, I got the time.
12:38It's 9.35.
12:40Hello, Marie.
12:41Oh, boy.
12:42How much time did you give Tim to get that picture?
12:45Sure.
12:52Three weeks.
12:52Yeah, yeah.
12:53Thanks.
12:53Thanks, Marie.
12:54Bye.
12:55Hey, how's Marie?
12:58Three weeks.
12:59You said the last minute.
13:01Who are you going to believe?
13:05My guess would be Marie.
13:06Thank you for ruining one of the most important nights of my life.
13:12Oh, it didn't ruin it.
13:13You raised all the money.
13:14People loved your speech.
13:15Oh, come on.
13:16There's a bright spot here.
13:18Everybody's laughing so hard at the picture
13:19they didn't see that skaggy dress you have on.
13:25Hey, why don't I just sleep on the couch?
13:31We're back.
13:32Hey, Dad, I beat Al.
13:33I got a hole in one.
13:34Yes, he got a hole in one.
13:38Do we have to keep hearing about it?
13:40Brad got a hole in one.
13:42Yippee, yippee, yippee.
13:45Sounds like you ruffled a few feathers.
13:47Yeah.
13:47When he plays miniature golf, he's like a totally different person.
13:51That could be a good thing.
13:53Dad, he's psycho golfer.
13:55I happen to take the game seriously.
13:57Al, it's just miniature golf.
13:59Dad, he brought his own clubs.
14:02Even a seven iron.
14:04He made a little girl cry.
14:07Well, she walked right in front of the clown's mouth.
14:14Well, something had to be said.
14:18The manager kicked us out.
14:20Al is now banned for life from the pup-pup panorama.
14:23Well, big deal.
14:27You know, as soon as that manager graduates from high school, I'll be back.
14:32While you're waiting, Al, why don't you look into Miniature Golfers Anonymous?
14:36Oh, boy.
14:37That is a terribly nice picture of you.
14:40Thanks a lot, Al.
14:44Hi, Mom.
14:44Hi, Mom.
14:45Whoa.
14:46Mom, is that you?
14:48That's the worst picture I've ever seen.
14:50Yeah, you look like the nuttiest raccoon.
14:53Your father picked it out.
14:57Huh.
14:57Way to go, Dad.
14:59Yeah, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, bud.
15:02Go to bed.
15:04Brush your teeth.
15:05I'm real sorry about this picture, Jill.
15:12Look, I'm not just upset about the picture.
15:16I'm upset because of the fact that you never even realized how important this whole night was to me.
15:22I know now.
15:24Well, you should have known before.
15:26I've been talking about the library fundraiser for months,
15:29and every time I do, your eyes just glaze over and you go, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
15:34Uh-huh.
15:36Right.
15:37Honey, that's how I concentrate.
15:40So, I see.
15:41You're saying that you heard everything I said about the library fundraiser?
15:45Yeah, it's right up here.
15:46Yeah?
15:46Nice.
15:47Well, um, what are we raising money for?
15:51The library.
15:53What part of the library?
15:56Part of the library that needs money raised for it.
16:00You see, it's useless.
16:02I guess it's just too much for me to expect you to put yourself aside,
16:05and think of me for a change.
16:06Wait a minute.
16:08You don't always listen when I'm telling you stuff that's important to me.
16:10Tim, when you talk, I listen.
16:13Really?
16:13Yeah.
16:14Uh-huh.
16:14What kind of carburetors are on the hot rod?
16:21Holly double pumpers.
16:23Holly what?
16:25Holly double pumpers.
16:28Well, I've told you about the engine.
16:30What kind of engine do I have in the hot rod?
16:31Huh?
16:32Huh?
16:32350 small block, board 30 over with a 400 crank.
16:37Hires?
16:37185-60 R14s.
16:40Aha!
16:41They're 195s.
16:44And you say you listen to me.
16:46Is it written on here somewhere?
17:00Hi-ho, neighbor.
17:02Hi-ho, Wilson.
17:03Jill, what a pleasant surprise.
17:07You're out late.
17:08Mm-hmm, just doing a little stargazing.
17:11You know, they say if you had a strong enough telescope,
17:14you could look all the way back in time to very early man
17:16before his brain was fully developed.
17:19Well, you come over to our house,
17:20you can see the same thing without a telescope.
17:24Trouble in the Taylor galaxy?
17:26Yeah, it's the big dip.
17:29Tim?
17:30You know, I just don't think he's ever going to change.
17:33When I first met him,
17:34I thought he had such great potential for sensitivity.
17:37But here it is, 15 years later,
17:39and he's still stuck at potential.
17:41Well, Jill, I can understand your frustration.
17:45You know, it's been said that men marry women
17:47hoping they won't change.
17:49Women marry men hoping they will.
17:52What are you saying?
17:52There's no hope?
17:53No, no, no, not necessarily.
17:55In the time I've known Tim,
17:56I've seen him progress and evolve significantly.
17:58We're talking about Tim the Tool Man, Taylor?
18:02Yes, indeed.
18:03As a matter of fact,
18:04when he first moved in,
18:05I had to remind him when your birthday was.
18:08Now I just have to remind him to get a gift.
18:11Well, I guess that's some improvement.
18:14His table manners are better.
18:16It's been a while since I've seen him
18:17shoot peas out his nose.
18:21Well, there you go.
18:22It's just, he's evolving so slowly.
18:28Well, Jill, I'm reminded of an old Chinese proverb.
18:32Be not afraid of growing slowly.
18:34Be afraid only of standing still.
18:38I'm sure that Tim will eventually become
18:39the man you want him to be.
18:42Yeah, but with my luck,
18:44he'll be 101,
18:45and he'll listen to everything I say,
18:47but he won't know who I am.
18:49Today at Jill Time,
18:53the name of the game is frames.
18:55You can frame a house.
18:59You can frame your lenses.
19:03You can frame a co-worker.
19:11We're supposed to be talking about picture frames.
19:14Now, a good frame can accentuate
19:15the beauty of any subject.
19:17Of course, there's exceptions to every rule.
19:24We'll be cutting our wood
19:26at a 45-degree angle with our miter box.
19:28Right, and while I was busy working,
19:29I'd like to veer up the subject
19:30for a little bit if I could.
19:32I don't think men know
19:34just how selfish we can be sometimes.
19:36I know it might come to a shock
19:37to the audience here,
19:37but the old tool man
19:38can be a little insensitive at times.
19:40I know I'm taking it back.
19:41How often do we put ourselves aside
19:48and think about
19:50the women in our lives we cherish?
19:52I know all the wives out there
20:02know I'm kidding around.
20:04I know there's some point to this,
20:06but I'm not seeing it.
20:07Well, I was thinking about what you said,
20:10so I got you something special.
20:11Tim, I don't believe you did this.
20:19Well, I just wanted everyone
20:20to see you like I see you.
20:22Honey, that's really sweet.
20:24And not only did I get
20:25the right picture this time,
20:26I went around and had everybody resign.
20:28Even that plastic surgeon who wrote,
20:29I hope you have a good personality?
20:33Yep.
20:34And you seen the look on his face
20:36when I walked in during a liposuction
20:37to get the signature.
20:37Oh, Tim, this is so great
20:42that you did this.
20:44But, you know, I just got to say,
20:47it's really big.
20:50So what are we going to do with it?
20:51I'll buy you a big wallet.
20:54But in the meantime,
20:56tonight I'm going to cook you
20:58a fabulous dinner.
20:59Steak, mashed potatoes, and peas.
21:02That is so sweet.
21:03I'm going to use those little peas,
21:04the ones I can shoot
21:05halfway across the room.
21:07Two players, one shot apiece.
21:14The 13-year-old versus Al,
21:16I got a slice of Borla.
21:19Dad, this is so stupid.
21:21Afraid, huh?
21:23He's afraid of you?
21:24I don't think so, Al.
21:25Good, you got the whole thing
21:26put together.
21:28Tim, I thought we threw that away.
21:31I'm recycling.
21:34Can we have some quiet here?
21:35I'm trying to line up my shot.
21:37Why?
21:38Take a pill, will you?
21:40It's not your shot anyway.
21:42Brad, the champion goes first.
21:43Come on, Charlie.
21:44Champion, champion, champion.
21:45Just go.
21:48Loosen up your swing.
21:50Concentrate.
21:50Can I go now?
22:09The game is not over.
22:10Pressure's on, Al.
22:17Next up, Al,
22:19the double bogeyman Borla.
22:24Al's always a trouble
22:25in these greens here.
22:27Doesn't like the concession area.
22:29And you can use this with more...
22:49And you can use this
23:00with more than just footballs.
23:03What?
23:03What is this?
23:06What?
23:08What's the line?
23:10And this works with more than just footballs.
23:12Works with more than just footballs.
23:13And this works with more than just footballs.
23:15You can also duplicate
23:16any of your favorite colors.
23:18That's right.

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