- 2 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Does anyone see my keys? Grandma, why are you taking everything down? Halloween's tomorrow.
00:14Last week, you said Allison was the doorway to evil.
00:18She's just mad because I lit my cigarette off her Virgin Mary candle.
00:22Look, I'm late for work. Just put everything back up.
00:26These little kids, they look forward to Halloween all year long.
00:30And when they come to the door, I want to scare the living crap out of them.
00:41Sophia, where are my keys?
00:44You lose everything. It's like living with a child.
00:47Yeah, a child who pays the mortgage.
00:49You know where they are. Give them up.
00:52Mom!
00:52Mom!
00:55Mom, you bleached my vampire girl costume. It's completely ruined.
00:59Oh, no, honey. I thought I was putting in fabric softener.
01:03Yeah, well, Mandy Summers and all the cool girls are going to school today as sexy vampires.
01:07This was my in, and now because of you, I'm blowing it.
01:10What?
01:11You could go as a vampire who ran into some very rude pigeons.
01:15That could be sexy.
01:19Have you seen Uncle Freddy's car keys?
01:21Honey, I'm so sorry. I'm just spacey from all this studying.
01:28But luckily, Uncle Freddy has an idea for a cool backup costume.
01:33No, I don't.
01:35He's teasing.
01:36All right, now go to your room and get your backpack.
01:38Hurry up. You're going to be late for school. Go.
01:42Freddy, my brain is fried.
01:44You help me with this, I'll give you your keys.
01:46Are they on you?
01:47Because I'm not afraid to reach down your shirt.
01:49Have at it.
01:50I'm out. I'm out.
01:54Okay, what can we do fast?
01:57Wrap her in tinfoil and make her a robot.
01:59Key me.
01:59Okay, so what's the cool costume?
02:03Uh, uh, here, put this on.
02:10And this goes up here.
02:14Am I being punked?
02:18Just hold this.
02:20Okay, arms up.
02:21Turn, Zoe.
02:22Turn.
02:23Oh, you're going to love this.
02:24Sophia, hat.
02:28What am I?
02:29You
02:31are
02:33a pumpkin.
02:39You've got to be kidding.
02:42No, I'm not kidding.
02:43This is old school.
02:45You know, vintage T-shirts, afros, high tops, pumpkins.
02:48It's all back.
02:51Now, off you go.
02:53Have fun, my little pumpkin.
02:55Wait, I'm not sure about...
02:57You're good.
02:57Keys.
03:00Inside jacket pockets.
03:05Sophia, these aren't my car keys.
03:08Oh.
03:09Then I don't know where they are.
03:10When I was a little boy, about to hate you, bye.
03:18My mother said, I'll be great as man life.
03:25Now I'm a man.
03:28Now I'm a man.
03:30Hey, what's up?
03:50Stand there real quick.
03:51it works thank you it's nice to see somebody enjoying Halloween my mom used to put me in
04:02these weird costumes who dresses a kid like Gloria Steinem Gloria Steinem how are you
04:07know rhythm is gonna getcha Gloria Estefan you idiots Gloria Steinem was this we don't care
04:27Uncle Freddy I have never been more humiliated in my life why is my little sweet potato so unhappy
04:47I'm a pumpkin I'm sorry so what happened your costume sucks is what happened oh honey I'm so
04:59sorry why are you wet it's combination of water balloons and tears thanks a lot hey so this is
05:10my fault med school is screwing me up tomorrow night I'm taking Zoe trick-or-treating which means
05:16I'll miss my study group and I'll probably fail my gross anatomy midterm hey it's kind of my fault
05:21too I should have pushed harder for the tinfoil robot I'll take her trick-or-treat are you sure
05:29yeah oh Freddy she'd love that I'll go tell her oh if you have any questions tomorrow night I'll be
05:36at the library questions about what pretty sure I know how to trick-or-treat it's not that simple
05:43so you have to think like a parent now I don't want her overdoing it on candy and keep an eye on her I
05:47don't want her talking to strangers that's the whole point of Halloween taking candy from strangers
05:53you know what maybe I should skip my study group no no no you're going because the sooner you
05:58graduate become a doctor start to make the world a better place the sooner I can run around naked in
06:03my living room again hey hey did you get that on the pumpkin yes it did this is a cantaloupe
06:20so you're not gonna have friends big deal more friends you have the more people you end up
06:35driving to the airport hey Zoey tomorrow night you and me trick-or-treating why don't we strap on
06:44some headgear and go to prom too oh hey you know what's fun on Halloween dressing up like a freak
06:51and going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show it's playing at the music box that sounds awesome I want
06:56to do that oh man remember when my brother took us to see that that was our first all-rated movie
07:03ever dude we were out all night everybody was yelling at the screen Freddie we gotta go
07:07I Halloween must be nuts this is gonna be so much fun and don't worry we'll find someone cool to
07:12babysit you why can't I go cuz your mom would never let you which is exactly why you should go
07:20being too sheltered I mean it's just a freaking musical was singing transvestites she could tell
07:27all her friends about the big adventure oh do the transvestites sing like men or women see she
07:34doesn't even know this stuff let's go out and buy you costume oh do you want to be slutty slutty or
07:39slutty scary how about scary slutty oh well then I already have this stuff but if your mom finds
07:47out I'm gonna beat you matter of fact if anyone in this room says anything to Sophia I'm gonna beat you
07:54that's my new catchphrase I'm gonna beat you grandma that's my special coffee cup if you break it I'm the just try not to break it
08:08you're closer fine but you're getting the next one
08:30we're gonna be doing this all night I'm gonna have to drink
08:38no no no sweetheart you don't want to drink with me I can out drink the men in your family
08:51oh you want to go all right you know what we're gonna make a game out of it every time a princess
09:07comes to the door we take a shot last one standing wins
09:10whatever you said right back at ya
09:17wow the line did not look like this when I saw the movie sweet maybe we could get some ice cream
09:40or go someplace where people have shame are you kidding this is the best thing ever
09:46Chris where you at not we're getting in line uh next to some fat guy in a French maid's outfit
09:56I gotta go there's something disturbing going on in front of me what dude this is the move man
10:09freaky chicks dig this where did you get this stuff would you take it easy these are all clothes that
10:15girls left in my apartment I'm using the clothes from women I had sex with to have sex with other
10:19women how much straighter can you get than that and you're comfortable in this little talc would
10:26have been nice I'm gonna go hit the can my cheeks are on fire hey Mandy hey Marissa what are you
10:37guys doing here we are trick-or-treating but it's so boring oh hey why don't you guys come see Rocky
10:43war with us oh we like to but we didn't bring our parents with us wait a second I'm an adult
10:53perhaps I could spirit you minors into this adult themed entertainment do your parents know you're here
11:01no way they think you're taking this trick-or-treating yeah if my dad found out I was doing this he'd kill
11:08you he can do it he's a cop way to sell it there Mandy go away by the door come here you I cannot
11:29believe you set me up okay come on you made me dress like a pumpkin you have eyes you could see it was
11:34lame Joey I don't know these girls okay if their parents find out and word gets back to your mother
11:44guess who's dead cool Uncle Freddy they won't tell anyone I promise look there are only two ways I can
11:51be popular get in with the cool girls or do stuff with boys they're not in love with Chris buy five
12:00tickets will you girls come here girls I'm sorry where would I put a wallet in this
12:04go
12:06keep in with you
12:07get out there
12:10trick-or-treat
12:12princess
12:12here you go
12:28trick-or-treat
12:31trick-or-treat
12:33One, two, three, four.
12:35Four.
12:37You know, you're not looking so good.
12:39Are you sure you want to keep going?
12:42Cuando caigas te voy a dejar en la calle
12:44para que te decoren los niñitos.
12:52All right, ladies.
12:58Zoe tells me you can handle this,
13:00so here's the plan.
13:01Clearly, tonight when you go home,
13:03you're going to lie.
13:05Oh, I never lie.
13:07See?
13:08You believe me?
13:09That's how good I am.
13:12No, I didn't, so shut up.
13:14Now, here's what you're going to say.
13:16We went trick-or-treating,
13:17and I took you to the homeless shelter
13:18where we gave all the candy to the poor people.
13:21Or we could also say we went to the mall.
13:23We went to the mall? No!
13:25You see what Marissa did there, guys?
13:27This is exactly the thing that's going to get me busted.
13:29No improvising.
13:32Now, let's get in there and have some fun.
13:35Freddie, Zoe, Zoe's friends.
13:39You guys are in the front row.
13:41Freddie.
13:43These are my friends Janet and Janet.
13:45In case one's a dude, I've got to back up.
13:56It's open!
13:59Trick-or-treat!
14:01Take whatever you want from the candy bowl.
14:04All the candy's gone.
14:06Oh, damn.
14:07Ooh, how about some CDs?
14:12There you go.
14:13Ooh.
14:15Look at you.
14:16Let me guess.
14:18Oh, Star Jones.
14:21I'm a fairy.
14:22Can't you see I have wings, you racist cracker?
14:26Oh, yeah, look at that.
14:27I'm sorry.
14:29The hip-hop section's right there.
14:30Hey, did that little fairy just take my Alicia Keys CD?
14:42Sophia's home.
14:45Are you guys drunk?
14:47No, no, absolutely not.
14:48These bottles were empty when we found them.
14:51Huh?
14:51Huh?
14:53Se tomó todo el licor de Freddy y regaló los CDs.
15:01Se cayó.
15:02Gané!
15:06Mom's home.
15:07She can't see me like this.
15:08Calm down.
15:09Just let me think.
15:11I know you can get in trouble for this.
15:13I just wanted to say thank you.
15:15Because if I live till tomorrow,
15:17I get to go shoe shopping with Mandy and Marissa.
15:19Word of advice?
15:22Don't get heels this high.
15:25They make your butt look good,
15:26but your back really pays the price.
15:31I got it.
15:38Hey, what are you supposed to be?
15:41Really, really tall.
15:44We're a really tall person.
15:46How's that for imagination, huh?
15:49That's great.
15:50Say goodnight, Zoe.
15:51Goodnight, Zoe.
15:52Goodnight, honey.
15:57What's going on there, buddy?
15:59What's going on there, buddy?
16:00Hey, did I tell you I went back to the Rocky Horror Midnight show last night?
16:17Oh, dude.
16:20No, no, no.
16:21Dude.
16:21I met these two girls.
16:25I brought them back to my place.
16:26I'm not even halfway through the door,
16:27and they're tearing off my panties.
16:30I was into it right until you said my panties.
16:35Remember, we took Zoe trick-or-treating.
16:38All that freaky stuff that we saw last night never happened.
16:42Oh, man.
16:43Somebody else had a rough night.
16:45You got a dead bird on your window, Zoe.
16:47I wonder how it got there.
16:48Hey, man.
16:49It gets cold in Chicago.
16:50Yeah.
16:51He's probably just trying to get out of the wind.
16:52Whoa!
16:56He laid it on his little pigeon feet.
16:58He's all right.
16:59Nope.
17:00Nope.
17:01Cab got him.
17:05Freddie, I want to talk to you about last night.
17:09Sure.
17:09What's up?
17:13Zoe loved trick-or-treating with you.
17:16I'm sorry I doubted you.
17:19As long as she had a good time.
17:21My feelings aren't important.
17:23That was a nice touch,
17:25having her give her candy to the homeless.
17:28We thought it with our hearts.
17:31Okay, you did a good job.
17:32Let's not push it.
17:33I'll see you after my test.
17:35Good luck.
17:40You see what I did there?
17:42I kept my composure.
17:44So my panties are off.
17:46And they're tying me to my bed with my own fishnets.
17:50You know who loved that story?
17:52The dead bird.
17:58Can I help you?
17:59I'm Mandy Summer's dad, Bill.
18:01You Zoe's dad?
18:02Uh, yeah.
18:05Is there a problem?
18:06Did you take my kid to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show last night?
18:10Is that what she said?
18:12Yeah.
18:13After I found the movie stuff.
18:15Look, I've heard about that movie.
18:17I'd never give my daughter permission to go see that.
18:19I am so sorry.
18:21She said she had your permission.
18:23If it makes you feel any better,
18:25I watched the movie,
18:26and it's pretty tame.
18:27Tame?
18:29The whole movie's about a man
18:30who built a man just to have sex with him.
18:35And?
18:35Your wife know you took these kids to see a movie
18:43about a bunch of gay people being gay?
18:47I don't know.
18:49I'll ask.
18:53Honey?
18:55Yes, dear?
18:57Would you come here for a second?
18:59Oh, sure.
19:00This is Mandy's dad, Bill.
19:04Bill,
19:05this is Zoe's mom, Chris.
19:07I...
19:08Just so we're clear,
19:10I'm the breadwinner.
19:13She does all the cooking,
19:14and I just buy her things to make her feel pretty.
19:18I cook at work.
19:19You sit at home and live off the trust fund, sweetie.
19:23Sorry.
19:24Sorry.
19:24I forgot my anatomy cards.
19:29Zoe's birth mother.
19:32We're planning another.
19:35You know what?
19:36That's your business.
19:37I'm just here about my daughter.
19:39He has a problem with the gays.
19:43Bill.
19:44Bill, Bill.
19:47We're people.
19:48I'm a person.
19:50Look at me.
19:52Look at me, Bill.
19:54I'm a good parent.
20:00I'm not bad,
20:01because I'm attracted to men,
20:03and men are attracted to me.
20:07You're not attracted to me, are you, Bill?
20:11Excuse me.
20:11I'm right here.
20:14What?
20:14Are you trying to hurt me?
20:16Wait, is it because I gained a few pounds?
20:18Do I look fat to you, Bill?
20:19You know what?
20:20You know what?
20:20Forget it.
20:20Forget it, all right?
20:21Just don't take my daughter to any more movies
20:23without calling.
20:24We'll see you at the Christmas pageant.
20:29We're directing it.
20:33It was nice work.
20:40Let go of me.
20:42Are you feeling something?
20:43I'm gonna beat you.
20:44Looking good.
20:48Looking good.
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