- 2 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Thank you, Grandma.
00:07Ooh, kiwi.
00:13Abuela, no puedes.
00:18Okay, nobody drink this. I'll be right back.
00:25Ooh, I made you a protein drink. It's on the counter.
00:31Oh, thanks.
00:36Grandma.
00:40Freddie, Freddie, don't!
00:42Oh, my God! What did Allison put in that?
00:44Who knows?
00:45Ella dijo,
00:46mire, esto va a estar bien divertido, y después...
00:52Oh.
00:53Oh, thank you.
00:55Hey, hey, did Chris call?
00:57No, was he supposed to?
00:59Well, nah, I just wanted to make sure he was okay.
01:01He left the restaurant kind of upset.
01:03We had an investors meeting,
01:05and Chris pitched an idea for the restaurant,
01:07and they didn't take him seriously.
01:09Well, what was the idea?
01:10Have a night where girls in bikinis ride a mechanical bull?
01:15Well, at least he's going in the right direction.
01:17Last month, it was girls in bikinis
01:19riding other girls in bikinis.
01:25Hello.
01:26Hey, yes, it is.
01:28A what?
01:30Really?
01:31Well, how did I get this?
01:34What does Uncle Freddie have?
01:35Zoe, go to your room.
01:37How many other guys are there?
01:42Twenty?
01:44Well, this is a real honor.
01:51That's fantastic.
01:52Thank you so much.
01:54I don't believe this.
01:56Chicago Life Magazine just nominated me
01:59one of the city's most eligible bachelors.
02:02Hey, Freddie, where are you?
02:03In the kitchen.
02:04Don't say anything to Chris.
02:05I don't want to make his day any worse.
02:06Guess who's a candidate
02:07to be one of Chicago's most eligible bachelors?
02:09Me.
02:10Guess who's not?
02:11You.
02:12Because you are a loser.
02:13A loser.
02:34A loser.
02:36A loser.
02:37A loser.
02:38A loser.
02:39Chris?
02:40Yes.
02:41They just called me.
02:43Oh.
02:44Well, that's good news.
02:46But, uh, hey, one to twin powers activate.
02:49Hey, come on, man.
02:51I look stupid.
02:52Do it.
02:54So you're two of Chicago's most eligible bachelors.
02:57Did they restrict their search to this building?
03:00And yet they managed to overlook it entirely
03:03when they did the bachelorette issue.
03:05Hmm.
03:09So, you know we're only nominated, right?
03:13I mean, they pick 20 guys and then they narrow it down to 10
03:15that end up in the magazine.
03:16Oh, we'll make the top 10.
03:18Nobody deserves to be Chicago's most eligible bachelor.
03:22More than us.
03:24You're right.
03:26How do we read this thing?
03:29I'm thinking we get the list of names
03:31and then have an informal bachelors get-together at our restaurant
03:35to find out who the competition is.
03:37Then we find the vulnerable ones and psych them out.
03:41Really?
03:42Seems kind of weak.
03:43How do we win?
03:45We use our minds, Chris.
03:47Hmm.
03:48Okay, so then how am I supposed to win?
03:50When I was a little boy
03:54About to hate your fight
03:57My mother felt me
04:00The greatest man of life
04:03Now I'm a man
04:06Now I'm a man
04:09I'm a man
04:10I'm a man
04:11I'm a man
04:12I'm a man
04:13I'm a man
04:14I'm a man
04:15I'm a man
04:16Okay, bottom line.
04:18We know these contests are about looks and money.
04:21I found out, and 12 of us have both.
04:24So for me and you to make the top 10, all we gotta do is get two of these guys to drop out.
04:29Which two are the weakest?
04:30Well, I don't know.
04:31You can only ask so many good-looking guys what do you do for a living before you end up with a date.
04:37Okay, I got some info. Maybe you can use it.
04:39This guy here in the tie, commercial director, former Navy SEAL.
04:42He's competing in this year's Ultimate Fighting Championship.
04:45Huh?
04:46I could take him, but what else you got?
04:50Oh, Steve Mulroy.
04:53He has an amazing story.
04:55He owns half the parking lots in Chicago.
04:57He used to weigh over 400 pounds.
04:59Oh, my God. What an inspirational story.
05:04Excuse me.
05:08Dude, let's find the little fat boy inside of him and beat him down.
05:12Hold on. Guilty conscience.
05:18Okay, it's gone. Let's go.
05:22Steve.
05:23The big man. Hey.
05:25How you doing, buddy?
05:26Fine. Hey, listen, thanks so much for having us here.
05:28It's our pleasure.
05:30So, Steve, what is it you're hoping to get out of this thing?
05:34Well, it's actually a little bit embarrassing, but, uh...
05:37Just hoping to use this as a way to, I don't know, maybe find my soulmate.
05:42Oh.
05:45Soulmate?
05:46Hmm.
05:47The women who go after the most eligible bachelors have fake hair, fake boobs, fake nails.
05:53You know what kind of love you're gonna get?
05:54Fake love.
05:55Testify.
05:57You know what these women remind me of?
05:59The girls in high school used to make fun of anybody who was a little different.
06:03Or hugely different.
06:06And I remember prom night, sitting in my bathroom, sweating.
06:13And crying and eating cakes.
06:17Just hoping that one day someone would love me for who I am.
06:20Man, I did the same thing.
06:23Hey, hey, oh, oh, there's no reason to relive it.
06:26All Chris and I...
06:27I just feel like such a fraud in this body, you guys.
06:30I'm just waiting for women to hate me again.
06:32Oh, they will.
06:34They will.
06:35I deserve better than that.
06:36You know what, Steve?
06:38You should drop out of this thing and go find Mrs. Steve Mulroy.
06:41You're right.
06:42You're right.
06:43What am I doing?
06:44You guys, hey, thanks for really caring about me.
06:47I...
06:49Come here, you.
06:54Okay, so how do you remove your soul to wash it?
06:59Dude, what we said was basically true, all right?
07:02We just helped him.
07:04Now let's help somebody else.
07:07No, no, no.
07:08No more, all right?
07:09Now, there's gotta be another way to do this.
07:12Hey, good news.
07:13One of the nominees who's a fireman didn't show up,
07:15everybody says he must have dropped out.
07:17That's great.
07:18I think you guys are gonna make top ten.
07:20Sorry I'm late.
07:22Big pet store fire.
07:24You know, I don't know why I risked my life since I won the lottery.
07:30I guess you're my reason, little fella.
07:35Hi.
07:36Damn it!
07:37You know what the worst part is?
07:38How bad do you want to pet that puppy?
07:39You know, Freddie, if you don't get picked, it's not the end of the rule.
07:55It's not the end of the rule.
07:58Yeah, but it'll be good publicity for the restaurant.
08:01I think all the women I'll get.
08:08Characters for ugly people.
08:09I want to be in a magazine.
08:13Hey, did you get the call yet?
08:15No, but it'll come.
08:16It's them.
08:17Answer it.
08:18I don't want to seem over-anxious.
08:19Ah!
08:20The call dropped!
08:21Give me bars!
08:22Give me bars!
08:23Hello?
08:25Yes?
08:26Really?
08:27Really?
08:28I'm so happy!
08:30I mean, I wasn't expecting this at all.
08:31I mean, all the guys were so deserving and I really made some friends for life.
08:37Ah!
08:38It's my friend.
08:39I'm so happy!
08:40It's my friend.
08:41I'm so happy!
08:44Oh, you're so happy.
08:46Oh, you're so happy!
08:47Oh, you're so happy!
08:49Oh, you're so happy!
08:50Oh, you're so happy!
08:51Oh, you're so happy!
08:52Oh, you're so happy!
08:53Hey, tomorrow's perfect.
09:01Well, I made it.
09:07They're interviewing me tomorrow.
09:09I'm happy for you, man.
09:11Oh, hey.
09:12Last chance before I go public.
09:14You know what, Chris?
09:16This time the answer's yes.
09:17Yeah?
09:18Yeah.
09:18Hey, Zoe, you hear that?
09:20Chris wants to be your stuff dad.
09:21Oh, my God.
09:22Let me go.
09:23Wait, no, that's not what I meant.
09:25I really like your mom.
09:27This doesn't work for me at all.
09:30Everybody shut up.
09:31This is it.
09:33Hello.
09:34Yeah?
09:35Oh, thank you.
09:37That sounds great.
09:39Okay, bye.
09:41My interview's Wednesday.
09:43I'm in.
09:44I feel so pretty.
09:49Congratulations, man.
09:50Hey, we're gonna celebrate this thing together.
09:53Wouldn't it be great if one of you guys made the cover?
09:55Hey, it's not a competition, so we're all gonna be on the cover.
09:59I'd probably just make us do a man pyramid on the beach.
10:04No, this article says that after they interview everybody,
10:07they pick Chicago's number one most eligible bachelor.
10:10And he's the only guy that gets to be on the cover.
10:13What do they do with the rest of them?
10:15Well, they take a picture of them holding Chicago's longest hot dog.
10:18Oh, look at the poor guy on the end.
10:25They made him kneel down and pretend like he's taking a bite.
10:34So only one guy gets the cover.
10:38Hey, may the best man win.
10:40Thanks, buddy.
10:42And good luck.
10:43Okay.
10:43Hey.
10:44Thanks.
10:46And you let me know how that hot dog tastes.
10:51Now, usually investors are behind the scenes.
10:55So you're probably surprised to hear
10:58that I do virtually everything around here.
11:05So, how about I'll show you the big room
11:09back here with the stoves?
11:12The kitchen?
11:13I forgot you're not in the biz.
11:15Yes, the kitchen.
11:21Hey, good work.
11:22You keep stirring it with that whippy thing.
11:26I ain't got to change the batteries in this thing.
11:29Why don't you do what you normally do
11:31and we'll get some quick shots.
11:32All right.
11:33How about I check these out?
11:34Make sure they're okay.
11:36Yeah?
11:37Good.
11:41No, that one's no good.
11:46Hey, Chris.
11:48Hey.
11:48Hey, Freddy.
11:49You're here early.
11:50Yeah.
11:50I heard some unauthorized person
11:53was touching my food.
11:55Yeah.
11:56Yeah.
11:56No, no.
11:56He was here.
11:57I got him.
11:58He got out the back.
11:59Dude.
12:00I'm just showing off for the editor, all right?
12:02Just go along with me on this.
12:04I'll do the same thing for you.
12:06Hey, Freddy.
12:07I'm Todd.
12:09We're going to talk tomorrow,
12:10but I was wondering if I could ask you
12:12a couple of questions about Chris
12:13while you're here.
12:14Sure, sure.
12:15So, what's it like having your best friend
12:18as your boss?
12:25My boss.
12:27Let me think.
12:29Chris,
12:31can I have a word with you?
12:33I'm a little busy.
12:34Hmm.
12:34It'll only take a second.
12:36It's about your health.
12:39Ow.
12:45You're my boss.
12:46All you do is eat here
12:48and hit on waitresses.
12:50What are the lies did you tell him?
12:52All right.
12:52I might have said that I drove around
12:53the slums of Brazil
12:54giving TB shots to orphans.
12:56Okay, look.
12:59We both obviously want the cover,
13:01so the gloves are off.
13:04Good.
13:05Prepare to have your ass kicked.
13:08Oh, an ass is going to be kicked,
13:11but it's going to be yours
13:13by mine.
13:22Foot.
13:26The editor's going to be here
13:37any minute.
13:37How do I look?
13:38Did I use too much product?
13:40No.
13:42Are you wearing mascara?
13:44No.
13:46This is just my naturally thick lashes.
13:54Yeah, you know,
13:54when Mom and Dad brought you home,
13:55I was so excited
13:56because I thought
13:57they got me a little monkey.
14:00Oh, that's a great story.
14:03You know,
14:03when the editor gets here,
14:04you should shut up.
14:07Allison, what are you doing?
14:09I'm going to clear out
14:09for your interview.
14:11Listen,
14:11if you really want to win this thing,
14:12I would get everybody out of here.
14:14What kind of eligible bachelor
14:15lives with a house full of women?
14:18Hey, you're right.
14:19for the first time in months,
14:26Allison finally made a good point.
14:29With you guys here,
14:31I don't look like much of a bachelor.
14:32The doorman just sent the editor up.
14:34Everybody get the hell out of here.
14:35It's warm in the lobby.
14:43Hang out there.
14:44There's no place to sit.
14:45Well, you should have thought about that
14:47before you moved in here.
14:50Hey, man.
14:52Hey, Freddy.
14:54So this must be your family.
14:56Yeah.
14:57They stopped by for breakfast.
14:59But it turns out
15:00it's not the most important meal after all.
15:04So out they go.
15:05I'm a little confused.
15:07Chris told me
15:08your family lives with you.
15:10Did he?
15:11I'm going to have to
15:12thank the crap out of him later.
15:15I think it's terrific.
15:16A rich, handsome bachelor
15:18taking care of his family.
15:20It's a great angle for the interview.
15:22Might even give you the edge
15:23in the competition.
15:25Well, that's not why
15:26I took him in.
15:28I took him in out of love.
15:30Stay out of the way.
15:33I thought we would start
15:34with a few human interest questions
15:36for your profile.
15:38Why don't you sit over by
15:40the fireplace
15:41and Tom here
15:42can get some photos.
15:43You know, I was thinking
15:44the fireplace would look good.
15:46Let's start with your private time.
15:58What was the last book you read?
15:59You loved memoirs of geisha.
16:10Yes, you're right.
16:11I did love that.
16:14What would you cook
16:14on a perfect date?
16:17Well, I mean,
16:18there's so many.
16:19Oh, excuse me for a moment.
16:30I need a glass of water.
16:31I'll be right back.
16:31While we're waiting,
16:40would you like a beverage?
16:43Holy God!
16:44Oh, no more, please!
16:46Oh, please stay in!
16:48Oh, I knew my gel
16:49didn't smell right.
16:50Damn you, Chris!
16:51We have a coffee cake.
17:03Oh, okay.
17:06To answer your question,
17:08if my date
17:10was a meat eater,
17:13I might make a pork loin
17:16with some baby...
17:19Oh, you know what?
17:20He's a little distracted
17:22in a very eligible way.
17:24I don't think
17:25he could finish this
17:25over the phone.
17:26Sure.
17:27That'd be fine.
17:29You're such a nice man.
17:31I'm gonna make you
17:31a pork loin.
17:36Well,
17:37it was pretty hard,
17:41but I think
17:42I pulled it together.
17:50How you doing?
17:57Okay.
17:59Did you talk to Chris
18:00about your head?
18:02No,
18:02I went over,
18:03but
18:03he was sleeping.
18:07Is he going to wake up?
18:08when he does,
18:14I'm sure
18:15he'll come over.
18:28Are you doing
18:29something different
18:29with your hair?
18:30Okay,
18:35we're even.
18:36Uh-huh.
18:37Just so you know,
18:39your little plan
18:39didn't work.
18:40I finished my interview
18:42and I'm still in this thing.
18:44Well,
18:44we've done our worst.
18:45It's in God's hands now.
18:46They picked a winner.
18:59It's on their website.
19:00Really?
19:00Wait, wait, wait.
19:02Don't tell us.
19:05Whoever loses
19:06does not get mad at me.
19:11Okay,
19:11who won?
19:13Vince Vaughn.
19:16Vince Vaughn?
19:17He wasn't even
19:18in the competition.
19:19No,
19:19he was very comical
19:21in Wedding Crushers.
19:24This is total crap.
19:25I know.
19:26Look at us.
19:27That's not what I mean.
19:30I really wanted this.
19:39Come on, man.
19:40I know it sucks,
19:42but it's just
19:42a stupid contest.
19:44Well,
19:44not to me.
19:45You're taking this
19:46too hard, buddy.
19:48You can meet girls
19:50without this.
19:51You're hot.
19:53Well,
19:54you were.
19:57Freddy,
19:58it's not about that.
20:00All right,
20:00eligible bachelor
20:01is the first thing
20:01I've ever been
20:02qualified for
20:03in my entire life.
20:06I mean,
20:06you've got the restaurant
20:07and a career
20:08and people respect you.
20:11I mean,
20:11I don't have any of that.
20:12You know,
20:12who am I?
20:13Who is Chris?
20:14Come on.
20:15You know who you are.
20:18Do I?
20:18I don't know.
20:20Yeah.
20:22You're the irresponsible
20:23party guy
20:24who's probably
20:26not going to get
20:27any action
20:28for a few weeks.
20:32Dude,
20:33I'm 28 years old
20:34and everything I've got
20:35has been handed to me.
20:36I just want to do
20:37something with my life.
20:38All right,
20:40look,
20:41you were going to face
20:42this at some time
20:43or another.
20:44You just need to find out
20:46what it is you want to do
20:48and then just do it.
20:50You know,
20:52it felt pretty good
20:54walking around the restaurant
20:55pretending to be the boss.
20:59I think that's what
21:00I want to do.
21:01I think I'm going to buy
21:01a controlling share
21:02in the restaurant
21:02and then you and I
21:03can run the place together.
21:04But you're so valuable
21:05to me as a silent partner.
21:06Dude,
21:08I have so many good ideas
21:09and nobody ever
21:10listens to me.
21:11But now,
21:11if we want to do stuff
21:13like put in
21:14a mechanical bull,
21:16nobody can stop us.
21:19Oh,
21:19I don't think
21:20that's the best.
21:21I'm going to go get
21:22my big notebook
21:23of ideas.
21:28And I'm going to get
21:29ready to love them.
21:34Looking good.
21:36I'm going to go get
21:48into the next one.
21:49I'm going to go get
21:51into the next one.
21:52And then I'll go get
21:53into the next one.
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