- 2 days ago
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00:01Do you know who this place reminds me of?
00:04Daley Thompson.
00:06Summer of 1980.
00:09Daley Thompson got a gold medal in Moscow.
00:13We got an airport and brought a ferry.
00:15And the boo boys didn't like that?
00:17Oh, the boo boys didn't like anything.
00:19They said no one would use this place.
00:21But now, three flights a week to London,
00:24twice a fortnight to Manchester,
00:27and Belfast every other month.
00:29That's shut them up.
00:31Well, that's what we're faced with, you see.
00:33You show ambition and brought a ferry.
00:35People drag you down.
00:37I get all the time because of the extension.
00:40People call me flashy or...
00:42Arrogant.
00:43Too successful or...
00:44Fantasist.
00:45Who called me that?
00:48Did you see that?
00:59I didn't think they'd be so...
01:15young.
01:16Sexy.
01:17Young.
01:18No, I meant to say young.
01:19Young's fine.
01:20Naive.
01:21No experience.
01:22There's a lot of them though, Bob.
01:23Ah, well you take care of the backing band, Frank.
01:25I'll take care of Elvis.
01:26Yeah, is that not Lady Provost?
01:28Oh, aye.
01:29Showing off her special necklace.
01:31Let's roll.
01:32Hello.
01:33Nice and easy.
01:34You're just a man driving a taxi.
01:35Nice and easy.
01:36You're just a man driving a taxi.
01:38You're a little, you're not going to be sure.
01:39All the time.
01:40What's that?
01:41Is it going to be a little too?
01:42You're a little too late.
01:43A little too late.
01:44Oh, I'm sorry.
01:45You're a little too late.
01:46You're a little too late.
01:47I'll take care of the backing band, Frank.
01:48I'll take care of Elvis.
01:49Okay.
01:50Is that not Lady Provost?
01:51No, aye.
01:52Hmm.
01:53Short off her special necklace.
01:54Let's roll.
01:55Nice and easy.
02:00You're just a man driving a taxi.
02:04Have you ever tailed anyone before, pal?
02:18We should be two cars back.
02:19We should be using stolen number plates.
02:22That's bank robbers, Frank.
02:27Have you not got a spare shirt?
02:29Why would I have a spare shirt?
02:32Swap with him.
02:34Well, I don't think he'd be up for it.
02:35Of course he will. It's all part of the service. On you go.
02:39Excuse me. Don't swap in the shirts.
02:43This is what we're up against.
02:48You're too close.
02:52Are we ready to bring our man Nick Evans to leave you to the Broughton Ferry and make him there?
02:58Are we ready to rock it up? Let's have a round of applause.
03:00They're right up close by returns.
03:01Looks like a good atmosphere.
03:03Well, Nuremberg had a good atmosphere.
03:06Didn't he have photocopias like that in Nuremberg?
03:08So we've got four weeks to go. He couldn't be in better hands.
03:12We have faith in you. We trust you. Just get it right.
03:14Right.
03:14OK. Thank you so much.
03:15Action stitches.
03:16Thank you so much.
03:17Independent candidate.
03:19Hi. Can I help you?
03:21No.
03:23But I can help you.
03:26I'm Bob Severn.
03:29The Independent candidate.
03:30Lovely to meet you.
03:31Oh, that's right.
03:32You're the dog man, aren't you?
03:35The dog man?
03:35Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
03:37Well, you said you've been dogs.
03:38Shoot dogs.
03:40Right, Ferry FM.
03:42You know what they're like.
03:43No, not really.
03:44Bunch of shock jocks.
03:46Anyway, who is this lovely young lady?
03:51Well, I've got Edwards.
03:52Nick's wife.
03:54Oh, wonderful.
03:55Are you doing the sandwiches?
03:57No, I'm the campaign manager.
03:59Oh, that's good of you.
04:00I've been my husband's political manager for ten years now.
04:03Oh, no offence, but it's unusual for powerful men to take orders for their wives.
04:08Torval and Dean.
04:09Oh, Frank, Frank.
04:11I mean, I know these two have been putting up posters like they own the place,
04:14but even they wouldn't be arrogant enough to claim that they are the new Torval and Dean.
04:20That's not a claim we'll be making.
04:22Good.
04:23And Frank's my campaign manager.
04:27He's no my wife, though.
04:29He is no married.
04:30Through choice.
04:33Anyway, we just thought we'd say hello.
04:37And if you need any help, I'm a big fish round here.
04:41I'm sure.
04:41So, welcome to Broughty Ferry.
04:48Welcome to politics.
04:50Welcome to Broughty Ferry.
04:53I'm doing the welcoming.
04:58That's the point here, I think.
04:59All done.
05:01Where are your campaign officers?
05:03At Bob's, there's no mahoose in my extension.
05:05And we'll be buying plenty of this gear.
05:08Don't you worry about that.
05:09Well, I don't think you'll need quite this much.
05:12Do you have local volunteers?
05:13One.
05:14Only one.
05:15Thousand.
05:16Thousand?
05:18Thereabouts.
05:19You know, up a bit.
05:20So, we are going to need plenty of this stuff.
05:24Well, there's your chance.
05:27Excuse me.
05:28I think this chap would like to place an order.
05:31Fire away.
05:31Oh, well.
05:35I'm going to be, er, take a couple of these, as you're here.
05:46You want anything bigger?
05:48Bigger?
05:49No.
05:49That's an industrial copier.
05:50Well, I've seen bigger.
05:51Well?
05:52Our growth.
05:54Hello.
05:55How much?
05:56Well, these guys are renting.
05:58Renting?
05:59Well, I'd be buying.
06:02I mean, I'll play for keeps.
06:04Eighteen grand.
06:07Have you got a colour one?
06:08Yeah, but they're all colour, mate.
06:12What, sir?
06:13Eh?
06:20Kind of.
06:21Was it?
06:22You know, I'm getting that.
06:24Really?
06:25Oh, I'd stop now.
06:26OK.
06:38Offy.
06:39Offy nice.
06:40Yeah.
06:42Oh, I'm...
06:44Has it got the internet?
06:46Well, no.
06:47Ah, shame, pal.
06:48Better luck next time.
06:50We'd have bought twa if they were the right one.
06:52I'm just sending you a message.
06:59Deep pockets.
07:02Message received.
07:04Well, we have a very busy afternoon with a lot of meetings, so...
07:07Oh, I wouldn't have liked to think.
07:08Ha!
07:09How many meetings I've got.
07:11One.
07:13Thousand.
07:14Oh, here he is.
07:20I'll screws himself.
07:21Mr. Servant.
07:22I'm relieved to see you.
07:24I've sent you a number of letters.
07:26How's that wife of yours doing?
07:27I'm divorced.
07:28You know that.
07:29Just a bit of banter before you start.
07:30It's hardly what I would call banter.
07:32I've got three kids.
07:33Slept my car for a month.
07:35Down to business.
07:36I'm going to chuck a bit more money at the campaign.
07:38Mr. Servant.
07:39And that cash I made when I sold the vans, I'm going to throw it all in.
07:42Why not?
07:43Mr. Servant, I've sent you a number of letters after I had a difficult conversation on your behalf.
07:49Who with?
07:49With the Inland Revenue about your tax.
07:51Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
07:54I'll stop you there.
07:55Sorry?
07:55As you're well aware, I will not allow you to use certain words in my presence for legal reasons.
08:02I'm aware of that.
08:03And I'm also aware that this is why we're in this position.
08:06If I don't hear them words, then I don't know about it.
08:09And I'm legally protected.
08:10As I've told you many times, this is not the case.
08:13We have to be able to discuss this.
08:16I don't want to.
08:17Do you want to go to prison?
08:27Fine.
08:28Fine.
08:28Fine.
08:29Let's say you were talking to Daley Thompson about biscuits.
08:38And perhaps, perhaps Daley Thompson thinks I haven't sent him enough biscuits.
08:46Fine.
08:47I spoke to Daley Thompson and he says that there is a shortfall in your biscuit contributions.
08:54Well, I respect Daley as an athlete, but in this case, he's talking about us.
08:58Daley says that you have not sent him enough biscuits in the last four consecutive tax years.
09:05Who?
09:05Biscuit years.
09:08He's worked out how many biscuits you owe him.
09:11Oh, he has, has he?
09:13Yes.
09:18That's what he's looking for.
09:21Sweet Jesus.
09:22Is that biscuits or pounds?
09:26Pounds.
09:26It's pounds, right.
09:27Okay.
09:28Well, that's the last of the cheeseburger money.
09:31Mr. Servant, as your accountant, I would probably advise you to spend as little as possible on this campaign.
09:45And I presume that has come out of my fees.
09:48It's the Lady Provost's dinner tonight.
09:51Did you get invited?
09:52I did.
09:57Is Daley Thompson gone?
09:59You work your whole life.
10:04You sell thousands, millions of cheeseburgers.
10:07You make the people of Brotty Ferry happy.
10:09And then the government pops up and says, oh, hello, hello.
10:13You see when you made the people happy by selling them cheeseburgers?
10:16Well, the money they gave you for making them happy, that's actually ours.
10:20Even though they gave it to you for the cheeseburgers, they meant to give it to us.
10:25So would you kindly, you know, sort of, you know, just pass the money along, but still give them the cheeseburgers.
10:32It doesn't add up, Bob.
10:33It does not add up.
10:36And again the government pops up and says, oh, hello, hello.
10:41Just to let you know that once again you are not invited to the provost dinner.
10:45Well, but you see that guy who slept in his car for a month when his wife left him.
10:50He's invited.
10:53Un-fucking-believable.
10:54Un-fucking-looking.
10:55Here, Bob.
10:56My turn to choose.
11:05Why do you always bring me here, Frank?
11:07It's so depressing.
11:09Because it's cheap, Bob.
11:11And it sounds like we should be making sacrifices.
11:14I'm sacrificing my dignity coming into this place.
11:17Oh, here he is.
11:18How are you, stupid?
11:22No too bad.
11:23A couple of pints, please.
11:29Best pintin' brought you, Ferry.
11:34Have you done the place up, Stupont?
11:38No, it's looking good.
11:40Oh, very good, very good.
11:41Oh, I love it in here. Love it.
11:43It reminds me of that American TV show.
11:46Oh, you know the one there
11:47where everybody knows your name.
11:50How did he laugh a T-T-T?
11:56Knows your name.
12:00The Cosby Show.
12:01Cheers.
12:02Cheers?
12:04I thought you were that one.
12:07Listen, Bob.
12:08Improvisation.
12:09Boba, what are we going to do
12:12when the Edwards boy starts throwing his money about?
12:15Oh, it's no about money, Frank.
12:17It's about people.
12:18Well, then let's get out there, Bob.
12:20You're the man with the ideas. I mean, this lot need to hear that.
12:24This lot? Never mind about the punters.
12:26Broughty ferries run by the big fish.
12:28Always has been, always will be.
12:30We're going to get out there in front of the movers and the shakers.
12:33The lady provost? The provost dinner?
12:36That's where all the big fish will be.
12:38Well then, let us go fishing.
12:41And we're no invited.
12:43Frank, when Jesus went to that birthday party
12:47and turned the bread into wine.
12:50Was he invited?
12:52Well, probably. I mean, if he could do that...
12:59This is appalling.
13:01Hello, love!
13:03Bob's served to see the provost.
13:05I'm afraid the lady provost's out for the day.
13:07Where?
13:08She has a lunch and then she's reopening the harbour play park.
13:12Another play park?
13:14She must open about ten in him a year.
13:15She just likes the swings.
13:17Where is she having lunch?
13:18I can't give out that information. Sorry.
13:20Then, I'm standing in the by-election.
13:23Diplomatic immunity.
13:24I'm sorry.
13:26I need to know where the provost is.
13:30It's about her son.
13:32She doesn't have a son.
13:34That's what she thinks.
13:36Oh, I see. Talking about boys?
13:42Miss Edwards.
13:43Miss.
13:44Your Holiness.
13:45Hello, Mr Servant.
13:47Well, I really should be going...
13:49Rona. Rona.
13:51I need two minutes.
13:52Sorry, I've official business.
13:54Aye, on the swings.
13:56Nice to meet you.
13:57Pleasure.
14:01That looked very cosy.
14:03Did it?
14:04My sources tell me that she was at the airport this morning.
14:11She welcomed us to Broughty Ferry.
14:13I just met her to hand in our election nomination forms.
14:16I'm sure your campaign manager has already handed them in.
14:20Don't have a go at him.
14:21He's just started.
14:22Where are your thousand volunteers?
14:25Lunch break.
14:29Hi, Bob.
14:31I see.
14:33You know, gentlemen, we have come up against independent candidates before.
14:37Not like me.
14:40Just like you.
14:42They're always the same.
14:44Locals with a bit of a reputation who fancy the spotlight.
14:48And then along comes polling day and they discover that they haven't got quite as many friends as they thought.
14:54Then what happens?
14:55They're humiliated.
14:57Totally and utterly humiliated.
15:05Frank.
15:06Let's go to the playpark.
15:08I am very proud to be here today to open this playpark.
15:12Ah, you give someone a special necklace.
15:15The next thing you know, they're walking round a playpark like Mother Teresa.
15:20I would like to declare this playpark officially reopened.
15:28You know, Frank, the province dinner.
15:31It's no something I've ever fancied, won't I?
15:33Well, you've never been invited.
15:35Well, that's because they'd probably think I'd turn it down.
15:37And I usually would.
15:39But, you see, this year, Frank, this year, I need in.
15:44I need in.
15:45Because she is like Willy Wonka.
15:51She looks at the people of Brody Ferry.
15:53And then she picks one.
15:55And once you're picked, that's you.
15:58Life will never be the same again.
16:01Just like Willy Wonka in the film.
16:03He looked at the people.
16:05He picked that young boy.
16:07And then Wonka took that lovely young boy
16:10and put him in golden underpants.
16:13And then Wonka led that boy by the hand
16:17and walked off into the disco.
16:19No.
16:20Well, you know, Frank, you know what?
16:22No, that's not...
16:23No, that's not what happened in the film, though.
16:24I'm going to the disco!
16:29OK, big smile for me. OK, that's great.
16:32Bye.
16:33Let me come to your dinner.
16:35Firstly, I just heard you visited my office
16:37and suggested I have an illegitimate child.
16:39That was Frank. I tried to stop him.
16:41Secondly, the dinner is for those who have enhanced
16:43the lives of the people of Brody Ferry.
16:45I'm a Brody Ferry. Success story.
16:46Success story.
16:47Selling unhealthy food from unregistered vans.
16:50That's what the public wanted.
16:52You ruined local health rates.
16:53Statistics, Neil.
16:54You targeted children.
16:55They targeted me.
16:56You caused scurvy, Bob.
16:57The two of you?
16:59Oh, come on, Rona, come on.
17:00Let me come. Please, Rona, Rona, please.
17:02Look.
17:03If you cause any trouble, you're out straight away.
17:05Deal.
17:06Thanks, Neil.
17:08And that, Frankie boy, is politics.
17:10I've lived here all my life, Frank.
17:18And this is my first provis dinner.
17:21I've been out in the cold for 58 years.
17:27How long was Mandela on that island before Geldof got him off?
17:30Fair while.
17:31Not 58 years, though.
17:33Nowhere near.
17:34Do you know what I mean?
17:35The people bang on about his suffering.
17:37The provis dinner.
17:39That's going to be something else.
17:41Big names.
17:43Big faces.
17:44Absolute A-list.
17:46You're looking good, Bob.
17:50I am.
17:52And you're not far behind me, Francis.
17:55We're the Rat Pack.
17:58Frank Sinatra.
17:59Dean Martin.
18:00Steve Davis, Jr.
18:03Let's dance.
18:08Right, Frank.
18:11This is schmoozing.
18:12Schmoozing?
18:14It's American for talking.
18:16I want you to get in there and work the room.
18:26Oh!
18:28Don't mind if I do.
18:31Lovely dress.
18:37Admiral.
18:40Inspector.
18:42Listen.
18:43I'm doing a bit of schmoozing here.
18:45And I want you to know, if I'm elected, then your job is safe.
18:49That would not be your decision.
18:51Not officially.
18:52Not at all.
18:53Glad to have your support.
18:54You don't.
18:55Cheers.
18:56You're the big man for the hospital, aren't you?
18:57I'm the medical director, yes.
18:58Ah.
18:59I've seen you in the papers.
19:00With the big checks.
19:01Always glad to receive a charitable donation.
19:02Oh, I know.
19:03I know.
19:04Listen, listen.
19:05Here.
19:06If I'm elected, I wouldn't kick up a fuss if, you know, one of them big checks should go.
19:12You know.
19:13I don't follow.
19:14If one of them big checks should go, er.
19:15Go missing.
19:16I find that extremely offensive.
19:17Oh, so do I, Doc.
19:18So do I.
19:19I do.
19:20I do.
19:21I do.
19:22I do.
19:23I do.
19:24I do.
19:25I do.
19:26I do.
19:27I do.
19:28I do.
19:29I do.
19:30I do.
19:31I do.
19:32I do.
19:33I do.
19:34I do.
19:35I do.
19:36I do.
19:37I do.
19:38I do.
19:39I do.
19:40I do.
19:41I do.
19:43Have you got, er?
19:47Any brothers or sisters?
19:50I must just go and find my wife.
19:54Okay.
19:55Okay.
19:56Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats.
19:58And if I may, I'll just say a few words.
20:01Absolutely.
20:02Carry on.
20:11Due to the past two harsh winters, some of our roads have experienced extensive damage.
20:23But I'm happy to say that reconstruction work on this is nearly complete.
20:28This year also showed marked improvements of the sewage systems around the Ellerslie
20:33Road area.
20:34This is what's right.
20:35With regards to the new leisure centre, this has now...
20:40OK.
20:41Well done.
20:42You had a go.
20:43I'm sorry?
20:44I will try again next year, eh, Rona, hen?
20:46Come on.
20:47Come on, folks.
20:48Come on.
20:49Let's give her something.
20:50Come on.
20:51Let's give her something.
20:52There you go.
20:53There you go, hen.
20:54Well done.
20:55Well done.
20:56Right.
20:57I better ask you this.
20:58Lock up your daughters.
20:59Ladies and gentlemen, I want yous to forget about my success.
21:05And if you can, my extension.
21:08Just see me for what I am.
21:10A local man who's worked hard and has the hoose to show for it.
21:15And who is the only choice for the Broughty Ferry by-election.
21:19Well, this Edwards guy looks pretty impressive.
21:21Oh, forget him.
21:22I've heard he's got a big team.
21:24Well, I've seen bugger.
21:26Apparently they're very sexy.
21:29Who said that?
21:30Frank.
21:31Oh, you lot don't know this guy.
21:34I can tell you things about him you just wouldn't believe.
21:37Go on.
21:38Oh, he's done awful stuff.
21:40Awful stuff.
21:41X-rated stuff.
21:42Such as?
21:43How about murder?
21:46Is that bad enough for you?
21:48Sorry?
21:49No here.
21:50No on your beat.
21:51On his holidays, I heard he was in Tenerife and a man laughed at his jumper.
21:58And he strangled him.
22:00With a jumper.
22:02Sorry we're late everybody.
22:10Mr Edwards?
22:11Yeah?
22:12Have you ever been to Tenerife?
22:14Tenerife?
22:15No.
22:16Can't say I've had the pleasure.
22:18Didn't think so.
22:21Rumours.
22:22Sorry, have I disturbed something?
22:24Mr Servant was telling us a story.
22:26No, no, no.
22:27No, I've done.
22:28Oh well, perhaps I could say a few words.
22:29Oh, hold on, hold on.
22:30I've still got the flow up.
22:31We gave you a hearing, Mr Servant.
22:33It's Mr Edwards' turn now.
22:42Ladies and gentlemen, my wife and I left England this morning as dawn was breaking.
22:49We had no idea that we would find ourselves in a place so charming, so hospitable and so beautiful.
22:58Christopher Columbus over there.
23:00Walking around Brochty Ferry today.
23:02Brochty Ferry.
23:03Brochty Ferry today.
23:05I was overcome with a strange feeling of warmth.
23:08Had you wet yourself?
23:09Mr Servant!
23:10T-type!
23:11Oh, here we go folks.
23:12Mr Edwards will continue after dinner.
23:14Oh look, it's sour man.
23:16Very boring I'm afraid.
23:18Here we go, here we go folks.
23:20Tuck in.
23:21Could I get that leg?
23:22I'm not just trying to get it naturally.
23:23Nuts.
23:24I can win some.
23:25Just do nuts exactly.
23:26Come be the caps.
23:27We can't let them get this law on board.
23:28Follow my lead.
23:29Are you looking for the toilet?
23:30I am.
23:31Let me help you there.
23:33Shush out!
23:37Shush out!
23:54Enjoying the Petit Four?
24:18Right, well that's it folks.
24:33Looks like he's bottled it.
24:34So if you want an MP who turns sherga around you when the going gets tough, he's your man.
24:41But Bob Servant doesn't hide.
24:44Remember that.
24:47Well, that's off.
24:49Off.
24:50Thank you for having us.
24:51The salmon was terrific.
24:56Oh ho ho ho.
24:57It looks like someone's had won too many.
25:00He locked me in the fucking cupboard or I locked myself out of the cupboard.
25:06Different ways of looking at it.
25:07We will crush you.
25:09You better have strong fingers.
25:11Mr Servant, I think you should leave right now.
25:14Oh I bet you do.
25:15I bet you do.
25:16That's just what you lot want isn't it?
25:19Get me at the door so you can suck up to him.
25:21Why?
25:22Because he's got a flashy poster and big photocopiers.
25:26Oh do you know something?
25:27I don't need you lot.
25:29I'm going out there.
25:30To the man on the street.
25:32You know where you are with a man on the street.
25:35On the street?
25:36You listen to me pal.
25:37You may have this lot under your sexy spell.
25:42But I've spent 30 years selling cheeseburgers to the people of Brody Ferry.
25:46I know them inside out.
25:47And when she made me put posters in my van saying that if people ate too many cheeseburgers they
25:53might die.
25:55Do you know what happened?
25:57We sold more.
25:58Granted a couple of people did die but no one, no one tells that lot what to do.
26:08So pal you keep the big fish.
26:11I'll hear the people.
26:13I'll have the people.
26:15The people!
26:45The town I've decided.
26:46The people!
26:47I tune in.
26:48The people.
26:49The people of Brody Ferry.
26:50The people.
26:51Let her know what she's talking about.
26:53What do you eat?
26:54The people of Brody Ferry.
26:5550 are mental health.
26:56Baby people.
26:57Life of Brody Ferry.
26:58classroom dış�ador Northæ¸.
26:59Walk.
27:00Or two positivity.
27:01Tools to make sense.
27:02There's more!
27:03There's more!
27:04The all game.
27:06When the My teammate audience sing.
27:08Dä½ å¥½?
27:09No oneコテ voor?
27:10The minded people!
27:11Do you here?
27:12Here we go Frank. These are our people. Look at their wonderful little faces.
27:37Absolutely. Edwards can keep the big fish. I'll have this lot any time.
27:45I've got your vote, don't I Charlie?
27:48No wearing these glasses.
27:50Maybe where I've been or where I'm going, didn't take a lot of knowing, but I take a lot of pride in what I am.
28:00Davey! Oh, see the United score at the weekend? No, what was it? Good to see you.
28:08Home is anywhere I'm living, if it's sleeping on some vacant banks in City Square.
28:22All right lads, just finished at the factory.
28:25Factory?
28:26Super. Get these boys a drink. They deserve it. Salt of the air.
28:31On you? No, no. Just get them a drink. It's your job.
28:38And I take a lot of pride in what I am.
28:44I've never been nobody's either, but at least I got a title.
28:49And I take a lot of pride in what I am.
28:53I...
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