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00:07Bermondsey, on the southern bank of the River Thames,
00:10facing the city of London,
00:13blank-eyed from a thousand warehouse windows.
00:16Always was a rough old area.
00:19Fagin's Rookery was here,
00:21and Jacob's Island, where thousands died of typhoid
00:24in the great stink of 1855.
00:27Change comes, of course.
00:29The Tate Modern and the latest style of bar.
00:32All the old warehouses transformed into loft-style apartments.
00:37And now, the estate agents want to change Bermondsey's name as well.
00:42To Bankside, if you can believe it.
00:45As if Bermondsey was in some witness protection programme,
00:49and they want to hide its identity and the crimes it committed.
00:54But it's not that easy to change the nature of a place,
00:57because dark things happened here.
01:00And if you're unlucky, they still can.
01:12Bloody Radio 4.
01:16Oh, bollocks.
01:21I mean, they call themselves asylum seekers,
01:23but really, David, they're nothing more than lay about.
01:25Shut up, you whiny cow.
01:27Shut up, you whiny cow.
01:29Shut up, you whiny cow.
01:30Shut up, you whiny cow.
01:33Shut up, you whiny cow.
01:57Shut up, you whiny cow.
01:59I don't know.
02:33Oh, jeez, I need a drink.
02:38Well...
02:39For the few days, James Ryan, BBC News, Cheddar.
02:43Lucky man.
02:44Now, it happened yesterday in the US Federal Reserve.
02:47Another country in short-term interest rate by half of 1% in risk to the lowest in 7 years.
02:54Michelle Hussain is in the BBC's New York Business Bureau.
02:57Michelle...
02:57Britain's green and pleasant land.
03:00Oh, missed!
03:05We do stop serving at about 9.30, so you could just make it.
03:09Sit through there on the right if you want to try.
03:11Er, outside, a public bar?
03:14Well, there's Bill Sykes' kitchen up by the bridge.
03:16It's a bit rowdy, I'm afraid.
03:18I'm afraid I don't know if there's anywhere else.
03:20Trudy, is there a pub nearby?
03:23Bill Sykes' kitchen?
03:24No, another one.
03:25I don't know, sorry.
03:26How do you always get a lobster out of here?
03:28It is a bit confusing, especially at night.
03:30I went out for some cigarettes once and ended up at Tower Bridge.
03:35Of course, there is our room service menu.
03:37Have you seen it?
03:38It is, yes.
03:41Traveller's in?
03:42Yes, we do.
03:42Just a moment, please.
03:43Come on, please.
04:14Alright, it's Graham here. Leave a message then. Piss off. Do you think I've got all day to listen to
04:19you whining?
04:22Graham? I'll just wait for a minute and give you a chance to pick up.
04:25Hello?
04:27Where are you, you flash bastard? Probably I was stuck in your face at some exotic locale.
04:32Anyway, nothing much. We were just thinking it was about time you brought us a little something again.
04:36We don't want to leave it too long, do we?
04:38Give us a room when you get back, eh? I'll see you soon, alright?
04:59That's £1.16, mate. That's £1.16.
05:04Another £1.16.
05:10Those copper ones are twos and the little silver ones are fives.
05:14Ah, here I let me. Here we go.
05:17That's £1.16. Thank you.
05:19You're welcome.
05:20Not that it's worth it at these inflated London prices, eh?
05:26Bloody sireless.
05:28Usual for me, please, Jerry.
05:39Yeah, those are tannin's tools.
05:42They're just lucky bastards, aren't they?
05:45You don't want to know what they did with the carcasses.
05:462.49, Grant.
05:48Yeah, hang on.
05:50Oh, where's my wallet?
05:52Shit, I hate it when this happens.
05:54Can I have a tab?
05:56No can do any more.
05:57The brewery sent me a letter last week.
05:58They're having a major crackdown.
06:01What you are witnessing here, mate, is our legendary British hospitality.
06:06Oh, please. Allow me.
06:08No, no, no, that really is all right.
06:10Oh, he's not trying his old lost wallet trick on you, is he?
06:13Piss off, Jerry.
06:14Ah, me think the lady protested too much.
06:16And take the sodding Royal Shakespeare company with you.
06:19Are you sure?
06:21Spanish hospitality.
06:24Well, thank you very much indeed.
06:33Yeah, thank you very much.
06:35Um, Osvaldo.
06:37Os-W-A-L-D-O.
06:40Well, Os-W-A-L-D-O.
06:42Pleased to meet you.
06:44My name's Graham.
06:45Hello.
06:46How do you do?
06:47So, bottoms up, Os-W-A-L-D-O.
06:50Cheers.
06:57So, where are you from?
06:59Er, Madrid.
07:00Madrid.
07:03Where are you staying?
07:05The travellers in Rotherhithe.
07:07The travellers in Rotherhithe.
07:09The travellers in Rotherhithe.
07:09Cheers.
07:09Yeah.
07:10Yeah, we got a lot of, er, antique dealers and single businessmen.
07:14They stay there.
07:15You're not single, aren't you?
07:17Er, yes.
07:18Yeah, I thought you were.
07:19You look too happy to be married.
07:21I was once.
07:23She left me years ago.
07:26She said I was married to me job.
07:27I said, well, if I am, I must be gay, because it's buggering me.
07:31Still, she was probably right.
07:32She usually was a sanctimonious cow.
07:35So, what do you do?
07:37Go for a walk by the river?
07:39Cheers.
07:40Er, I've seen it before.
07:43Not a soul in sight.
07:44You get lost.
07:45There's nothing but railway arches and empty warehouses.
07:48Suddenly, you see this pub, all lit up and cosy-like.
07:52You think you'll give it a chance?
07:54That's right.
07:55Takes a bit of nerve to step in here, I'll tell you.
07:58Or, a failure to grasp the subtle signifiers that say,
08:01rough boozer, stay away.
08:03I'll tell you what, Oswaldo, if you were back home,
08:05you would run a mile from the Madrid branch of Samuel de Tanner.
08:09And they've improved it.
08:11It used to be a right rough old dive.
08:12I'm not interested in tourist bars.
08:16Here, you can meet real people, like you.
08:19Well, good for you.
08:21Good for you, Oswaldo.
08:23The old landlord.
08:25No, he called it authentic.
08:27Authentic shithole, I said.
08:29Yeah, the old landlord, Richard.
08:32He was a complete...
08:34What's the Spanish word for the, you know, feminine part?
08:39Coño.
08:40Is it really?
08:41I must remember that for if I ever meet Antonio Banderas.
08:46Yeah, interesting bloke, Richard.
08:49So, you're here for the antique market tomorrow morning?
08:52Yes, how did you know?
08:53Oh, we get a lot of your sorting here.
08:55Spaniards, Italians, Germans.
08:56Come over to the market, buy some antiques,
08:58ship them back home, sell them on quick.
09:00Little profit, no questions asked.
09:01Know what I mean?
09:02No, no, no, nothing like that.
09:03You know, my parents left me some money.
09:06I thought I would finish my job, travel, buy a few things,
09:09sell them in Madrid, that's it.
09:10Oh, no offence.
09:10You know, I just, you know, thought you were a bloke
09:13who looked like they'd seen the dodgy side of life, you know.
09:15Dodgy?
09:16What's dodgy?
09:17Oh, you know, like, you look like a bloke who could take care of business.
09:20I, er, I have had a few dealings with, er, banditos.
09:24The banditos, yes.
09:26I thought I knew a geezer when I saw one.
09:28A geezer?
09:35Well, you're knocking that back a bit quick.
09:37You want to be careful as well, though.
09:39Because I know you Spanish, you like to eat when you drink, don't you?
09:41Yes.
09:42Yeah.
09:43See, if you was in Spain, you'd have, like, a nice tapas, wouldn't you?
09:45Like, er, some lovely fried morsels of squid
09:48or a chicken kebab or some Russian salad.
09:51You know what the best thing you can get here is?
09:53Pork scratchings.
09:55Pork scratchings?
09:56Do you know what part of a pig is its scratchings?
09:58No.
09:59No, neither do I, but they're not going to be a savoury bit, are they?
10:03You wouldn't chuckle if you knew.
10:04Yes, I shall have to be careful.
10:06Yeah.
10:08Has he found his wallet yet, or is it you're round again, McQuill?
10:11I thought I told you to piss off.
10:14Make sure he finds it for your dad, opponent.
10:16Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:18My jocular host.
10:21Actually, he's not too bad, really.
10:23He's cleaned the place up since he took over from Richard.
10:26Ah, yes, the previous landlord you were saying, yes.
10:29Yeah.
10:30I'll have to tell you about him.
10:34Jerry, though, he put up them tools there, you see?
10:37Tener's tools, and he put up them photos.
10:40I saw you looking at them.
10:41They were taken at the tennery next door, turn of the century.
10:44Tell you what, you wouldn't have got any tourists coming round here then.
10:48Because of the stench.
10:49Do you know what they did?
10:50They used to boil up the skins in barrels of urine.
10:53You can smell it for Mars.
10:56When a teller said his job was a piece of piss, he wasn't joking.
11:01Anyway, cheers.
11:03Cheers.
11:04Salut.
11:05Salut.
11:06Mm.
11:07Do you know, I used to be able to say cheers in 20 different languages.
11:13Sa.
11:13That's it in Arabic.
11:14You wouldn't think Muslims would say cheers, would you?
11:17But there you go.
11:17They do.
11:19Kippis.
11:20That's it in Finnish.
11:21Now, those cognos, they can drink.
11:24Part of my job, in a way.
11:26You are a professional drinker.
11:29Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
11:31No, no.
11:32Next best thing, I'm a motoring correspondent.
11:34Yeah, I work for, um, Auto Mail, do you know it?
11:37No.
11:38No, we have a deal with your own noticias de coches.
11:41No, very good.
11:42Yeah, yeah.
11:44That's why I bought the flat next door.
11:46Converted from the old tannery.
11:48It's lovely.
11:48Big, big Victorian windows, hardwood floor.
11:51Oh, it sounds very lovely.
11:52It is very lovely.
11:54The reason I bought it, though, was because of the secure parking.
11:57See, the whole basement's like one big car park.
12:00Look, in my job, right, every week I get a different flash motor.
12:04Now, if I was to park a Bentley Continental Azure Convertible or a Subaru Impreza Turbo outside this pub,
12:12well, David Copperfield couldn't make it vanish any quicker.
12:19Do you want another one?
12:20No, no, please.
12:21No, I insist.
12:22No, no.
12:23No, go on.
12:23Jerry, Jerry, same again.
12:25You gonna pay up this door?
12:26Yeah, yeah, keep your wife run, son.
12:28I'm sure I'll put my wallet somewhere.
12:31I've got it here somewhere, I tell you.
12:32No, please, allow me.
12:33No.
12:34No, please.
12:35No, Oswaldo, please, it's my round.
12:38Okay.
12:39That's 365, if you please.
12:41Yeah, yeah, you'll get your money, you mercenary bastard.
12:44Oh, Christ.
12:44Now, I'll tell you what, I've just got a pop next door.
12:47I think I left it in the car or something.
12:49I won't be a sec, all right?
12:53You'll never see him again, McGwill.
13:17Pardon me.
13:18You left your car keys on the table.
13:21Oh, thanks.
13:22I don't know what's wrong with me this evening.
13:24Me brain's like a bloody Swiss cheese.
13:26A man with a bicycle, hold the door open.
13:29Oh, I know him, yeah.
13:30Friend of the earth type, right?
13:31Cycles everywhere.
13:32But if you look inside his flat, it's full of furniture
13:34made out of rainforest hardwood by three-year-old crippled children.
13:38Anyway, quick look in the motor.
13:42Not that one.
13:42Oh, I'm sorry.
13:44Yeah.
13:45Please.
13:46No, mine's the Alfa over there.
13:48Oh, I see what's confusion.
13:50You see, it's the Volvo key fob.
13:52Ow, bloody girls in the office.
13:55They wouldn't know the difference between a Fiat Chinky Trento and their arses.
13:59Except their arses are probably bigger.
14:04No, not there.
14:06That's the old tannery chimney.
14:09Ah.
14:10Yeah.
14:11What the estate agents call an original feature.
14:15And what the rest of us call,
14:16the developers couldn't be arsed finishing it off properly.
14:19It's, um, you know, um, smoky.
14:23Really.
14:25Do you know, I think I must have left it upstairs when I changed.
14:28Well, I come to the flat.
14:29Which is?
14:31Why not?
14:33See what I mean?
14:35Lovely big windows.
14:37She knows blinds.
14:38I got them from a girl in Chelsea.
14:39She's got her own company.
14:40It's called You'll Go Blind.
14:43Yeah.
14:44Make yourself at home.
14:45I'll go and have a look in the bedroom.
15:03I knew I'd put it down somewhere.
15:06Yeah, that's me.
15:08Taken a couple of years ago.
15:11Shocking, isn't it?
15:12You know, last year I got down to nearly, ooh, about 13 and a half stone.
15:16Oh, what is stone?
15:17You know, like kilos.
15:19Not many kilos.
15:20Ah, yes.
15:21As you can tell, it's, uh, going back again.
15:24You see, my problem is I gain weight too easily.
15:27It's me metabolism.
15:29Me brother and sister are the same.
15:31Yeah, they say obesity runs in the family.
15:33Well, in my family, it wouldn't bloody run.
15:36It'd have a heart attack if it did.
15:38Now, you, you've got a good build.
15:41Solid.
15:42Plenty of meat on you, but no fat.
15:44I bet your brother and sister are the same as you, aren't they?
15:46Stocky.
15:47I don't have brother or sister.
15:48Right, right.
15:49But if you did, well, you know, you burn up excess calories, don't you?
15:54See, my problem is the job.
15:56The job?
15:57Yeah.
15:59See, they fly us out to all these fabulous places.
16:02The car makers.
16:03And then they wine and dine us.
16:05Well, they wine, wine us and dine, dine, dine, dine us.
16:09So, you put on the weight and then you can't take it off.
16:12Aye, comprehend.
16:13Yeah.
16:14It's like, you know, like in the old days when those people,
16:17they stole like a loaf and then they were transported to Australia for life
16:20for this tiny crime.
16:23So, you eat a delicious meal like a tagine of baby lamb with dried fruits
16:28at the launch of the Tolbert Solara in Agadir.
16:31You remember them?
16:32Perhaps.
16:33Yeah.
16:33Good on paper, shit on the road.
16:35Well, shit on paper, actually.
16:38Anyway, you eat this meal, right, the weight goes on
16:41and then you can't bloody get it off.
16:43I can point to a roll of fat and I can tell you where it came from.
16:47I can say, that bulge there, Ford Focus rollout,
16:50roast pheasant, Montrachet 47,
16:52or those pendulous male breasts,
16:54they're from the Toyota Supra Lounge, California 89,
16:57bluefin tuna in a salsa verde
16:59and a bath full of Napa Valley Chardonnay.
17:04Still, there's been some larks on them trips as well.
17:06I can imagine so.
17:08I bet you can.
17:09I mean, I have personally written off a Dewu Laganza and a Mitsubishi Shogun, long wheelbase.
17:16An old barriquette to the express, right?
17:18He's photographing the Mark II Granada on the beach at Lisbon when the bloody tide comes in, right?
17:24Now, the Mark II Granada was a good enough motor, but it don't float like bloody chitty chitty bang bang.
17:29I can tell you that for Napa.
17:31Amusing.
17:32Very amusing, yeah.
17:34So all the time, the weight's going on, right?
17:36I tried everything.
17:39Aerobics, jogging, nothing made any difference.
17:41Bloody metabolism, see?
17:43The other problem is, well, as you can probably tell, I'm a sociable chap, right?
17:48Of course.
17:48Yeah.
17:49I like the company of other fellows in a shallow, meaningless and uncommitted way.
17:54Pub's perfect for shallow and meaningless relationships,
17:57as long as you don't make the mistake of thinking that pub friends are real friends.
18:03Downside is, the pub friends, well, they can be rather hurtful in a jocular sort of way,
18:10especially if you've got any sort of imperfection.
18:14They'd fashion on it.
18:15Of course, with me, it was my weight.
18:18Mr Fatty, they called me.
18:20Fatness being considered fur game in Samuel the Tenor,
18:23even though it's recognised as a genuine medical condition by the Medical Association of America.
18:29I mean, if Stephen Hawkins, the most brilliant physicist since Sir Isaac Newton was to come in there,
18:35they wouldn't call him Mr Dalek, would they?
18:37Well, they probably would round here, but you take my point.
18:40Yes.
18:41Yeah.
18:42And of course, Richard, the old landlord, he was the worst.
18:45Always going on about who ate the pies.
18:47Empanadas, you call them.
18:48Who ate the pies, he'd say.
18:50Who ate the pies?
18:51You're looking porkier, Graham.
18:53You're looking porkier.
18:54You fat bastard.
18:55You fat bastard.
18:56You fat bastard.
18:56You fat bastard.
19:01Anyway, I owe you this drink.
19:03Well, it's getting late.
19:06Oh, come on.
19:08It's five minutes to closing.
19:09It's better than the travellers in, isn't it?
19:11You know, real people.
19:14Well, perhaps.
19:16Yeah.
19:17I've just got to make a quick phone call.
19:18All right, two seconds.
19:37Now, er, not in there.
19:38I've got stuff hanging all over the shop, you know.
19:40Oh, sorry.
19:41Yeah, that's all right.
19:42It's, er, got a pub, eh?
19:43Okay.
19:44Yeah.
19:47Let's have your glasses now.
19:49Let's have your glasses, boys and girls.
19:51You want one?
19:52No, thank you.
19:54No, I shouldn't really.
19:56Pan-fried sea bass in a herb butter.
19:59With matchstick fries yesterday at the launch of the sodding Mitsubishi Evo 7.
20:03No, no, no.
20:05Obesity, though, is just a curse of the age.
20:07Jerry, another drink for my friend.
20:09You know what?
20:10But, er, oh, don't take any notice of that, no.
20:14He has to shout all that legal nicety.
20:17Now, this is what they call a lock-in.
20:19You see, we still have these stupid drinking laws in this country.
20:22Legally, by now, he should have stopped serving.
20:24But what he does is he has to lock everybody in, right?
20:26So if the coppers come past, it seems all quiet.
20:29Nothing to worry about.
20:32Yeah, like I was saying, obesity is the curse of the age.
20:36I mean, your Edwardians, they could eat these huge breakfasts and not put on an ounce.
20:42Full English, full continent of Europe, more like.
20:45Now, in a way, I blame the car.
20:48Because your Edwardian, well, they walked everywhere, didn't they?
20:53Here we are, McGuill.
20:55On the house grave.
20:56Oh, thanks a lot, Jerry.
20:59Yeah, drink up us, Waldo.
21:03It's the holy grail, though, isn't it, really?
21:05I mean, a way to stay slim and hang on to all our comforts.
21:10What would people do for that, eh?
21:12What would people do for that?
21:17You all right?
21:20I think...
21:21No.
21:24What?
21:24What is it?
21:25I think something is very wrong here.
21:28Wrong?
21:29How do you mean?
21:31Something just...
21:33What do you say?
21:34A policeman's mind.
21:38You were a policeman, I suppose, huh?
21:40A whole family.
21:42My father was 22 years and a guardia.
21:45It wasn't the same when a general died.
21:47Lost status, power,
21:50but placed as a policeman and a liberal democracy.
21:53A policeman?
21:54Yeah.
21:54I knew there was something about you.
21:56I couldn't put my finger on it.
21:57That's why I decided to live until in antiques.
22:00But you know the brain?
22:02It's always thinking.
22:04From one side of the fence to...
22:06well, the fence, really.
22:09And I think something is missing.
22:13Missing?
22:14What do you mean?
22:15I think there is something you haven't told me.
22:18Like what?
22:19What is it?
22:20What's...
22:24You said the old landlord.
22:26He disappeared.
22:27Richard?
22:28Yeah, a couple of years ago.
22:30But when you mentioned him again upstairs,
22:32you became very...
22:35emotional.
22:38You never told me what happened to him.
22:41No, I didn't, no.
22:43I think perhaps I would like to know.
22:46Maybe it's about time you did.
22:48All right.
22:49Like I say, Richard,
22:50he was always going on about my way.
22:51Who ate all the pies.
22:53You're looking porkier,
22:54you fat bastard Graham.
22:55In the end,
22:56I couldn't stand it.
22:57I started going down by the river
22:58to a place called Bill Sykes' Kitchen.
23:01Lovely girls serving behind the bar.
23:03But I have to admit, Oswaldo,
23:05that I drove.
23:06Now, there is no excuse for that
23:08when you're drinking.
23:09Except, well,
23:10it was Richard's fault, wasn't it?
23:11Because the bastard had forced me into it.
23:13So,
23:14a couple of years ago, right,
23:15I'd had a ride skimful.
23:18At the time,
23:19I had the new Volvo C70 Coupe.
23:21To my mind,
23:22a bit of a disappointment.
23:23Doesn't give you what you might call
23:25the lob,
23:25if you know what I mean.
23:28Anyway,
23:29I'm sticking to the quiet streets
23:30down by the river
23:31to avoid the coppers
23:32because obviously a ban
23:33would be the end
23:34of my so-called career.
23:36Easily depressing.
23:37We're having a couple of criminals
23:38without a romantic here.
23:41Oh,
23:42bollocks.
23:45Shut up,
23:46you whiny clown.
23:47I don't know.
23:48Now.
23:54We all know they're
23:55on social security as well.
24:08Turns out,
24:09it was Richard
24:09on his way back
24:10from one of his
24:11moronic,
24:12masonic drinking clubs,
24:14Mr. Pickwick's
24:15Bicycle Society.
24:16Well,
24:17that straw boater
24:18did not offer
24:19much crash protection.
24:20He was as dead
24:21as a doornail.
24:23Now,
24:24there's no way
24:24that I could get caught
24:25with his body.
24:26But fortunately,
24:27as I said
24:28in my review
24:29at the time,
24:30for a sporty coupe,
24:31the C70
24:32has a surprisingly
24:33capacious boot
24:34capable of swallowing
24:36several bags
24:36of golf clubs.
24:38Or one dead
24:39Konyo
24:40of a publican.
24:42I didn't put that
24:43in my review,
24:43of course.
24:44What I did do
24:45was drive in
24:46back to the
24:47underground car park
24:48on my block.
24:51Now,
24:51at that time,
24:52I was the only one
24:53living in the entire block.
24:55You see,
24:55I'd moved in
24:56before the work
24:57had been completed.
24:58Now,
24:59the developers,
24:59they'd got into
25:00some sort of dispute
25:01with the builders
25:02and they'd walked off
25:03the job.
25:04So,
25:04there was nobody about.
25:06But I still
25:07had to hide him.
25:09Then,
25:09I found some
25:10of the old tools
25:10that had been
25:11left behind
25:11burned by the tanners.
25:13So,
25:13what I did was
25:14I chopped him up
25:15into bits.
25:22Arms,
25:23torso,
25:24head,
25:24legs,
25:25until I had a sort of
25:26kit of Richard.
25:28Then,
25:29I stuffed the separate bits
25:30up the chimney.
25:35By then,
25:36it was about
25:373am.
25:38I was in shock
25:39and I was knackered.
25:42Oh,
25:43jeez,
25:43I need a drink.
25:46I had one of the best
25:47night's sleep
25:48I've ever had.
25:49Straight nine hours.
25:51But when I went
25:52back downstairs,
25:53I got a terrible
25:54bloody shock.
25:55The sodding
25:56builders were back.
25:57They'd lit a fire
25:58under Richard
25:59and they were
25:59burning scraps
26:00of old oak
26:01floorboards.
26:02Well,
26:03I nearly shit.
26:04Furthermore,
26:05I couldn't go
26:05and get him
26:06at night
26:06because they put
26:07this idiot
26:07georgie security
26:08man down there,
26:09always prowling
26:10around with
26:11his mangy
26:11Alsatian.
26:13And they kept
26:14burning bits
26:14of wood
26:15in that fireplace.
26:17Well,
26:17a couple of months
26:18went by.
26:19Then,
26:19I had a bit
26:20of luck.
26:20The developers
26:21fell out again
26:22with the builders.
26:23I was able
26:24to go down
26:25and get him
26:26that night.
26:30And guess what?
26:32He'd been smoked.
26:34Smoked like a kipper.
26:35Or like your own
26:37jamon de serrano.
26:39I remember we had
26:39some lovely slices
26:40of that at the launch
26:41of the Fiat Uno.
26:43But then,
26:44I did a very strange thing.
26:46I carved a couple
26:48of slices
26:48and I popped them
26:49in my mouth.
26:51Tasty.
26:52Very tasty.
26:53But filling too,
26:54you know.
26:55I found
26:56after a couple
26:56of slices
26:56I was full up.
26:59And there always
26:59was only so much
27:00of Richard
27:01that I could take.
27:03Thing was,
27:04I had bags
27:05of energy.
27:06So what I did
27:06was I got all
27:07the separate bits
27:08to come up to my flat
27:09and I hung them
27:09in the bathroom.
27:11Well,
27:11I found
27:12if I had a couple
27:12of slices
27:13of smoked landlord
27:14in the morning
27:14then really
27:15I didn't want
27:16to eat anything
27:16for the rest
27:17of the day.
27:17Plus,
27:18I was brimming
27:19with vigour.
27:20I looked great too.
27:21I mean,
27:21the weight
27:22absolutely fell off
27:23of me.
27:23Pretty soon
27:24I was down
27:24to my ideal weight.
27:26Then,
27:27of course,
27:27I started
27:28to run
27:28out of Richard.
27:30Well,
27:30it was going
27:30to be too risky
27:31to try and replace
27:32him all by myself.
27:33So what I did
27:34was I recruited
27:35a network
27:36of wealthy clients
27:37who wanted
27:38to become
27:38trim and swells.
27:40Then,
27:40a crew of helpers
27:41from around
27:42these parts.
27:43Really,
27:43when you think
27:43about it,
27:44it's only a variation
27:45on what they've
27:45been doing
27:45for centuries.
27:47Finally,
27:47as for the raw
27:49material,
27:50well,
27:50foreigners
27:51that nobody's
27:52going to miss.
27:53No family.
27:54Nobody to ask
27:55questions.
27:57Maybe one of
27:57Franco's
27:58ex-policemen
27:59with a lot
27:59of enemies.
28:00Know what I mean,
28:01Oswaldo?
28:02You really want
28:03to watch
28:04what you're drinking.
28:06Expect to
28:06treat your brain
28:07by now,
28:07isn't it?
28:08Finish my
28:08each Chris-Grab?
28:09Yeah,
28:10thanks.
28:12I've really
28:13got to stop
28:13eating between
28:14meals.
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