- 13 hours ago
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00:06Gentlemen, look at us. We are young, we are modern.
00:11And outstandingly good looking.
00:14Not afraid of a hug, unashamed of a weep, and absolutely more than that be to sleep
00:20on a wet patch.
00:22But there are times when even we must acknowledge the burden of our history.
00:28The stag do is no 20th century invention.
00:37For the power and protection of the earth.
00:40Some things are sacred, some rules unbreakable.
00:44And at some point in this auspicious day, we stags will and must pay a visit to the local Tandoori.
00:53Yes!
00:56For the perceptions and insights of the air.
01:00There shall be a depraved and thoroughly demeaning encounter with a selection of lap dancers.
01:07You better believe it.
01:09And the bridegroom shall be stripped naked and his balls covered in boot polish.
01:14Yes!
01:15No!
01:15It's showtime, folks.
01:27Trousers!
01:35For the inspiration and creativity of fire.
01:56For the power of water.
01:59For the magical intuitions of the moon.
02:14Sorry.
02:16Do you mind if I...
02:17It's £20 a reading, but that includes a tape of the session.
02:20Oh, no.
02:23You two.
02:24Down there.
02:25The rest of us.
02:29That'd be great.
02:38So these represent my past?
02:40Yes.
02:42Like I said, it's not that bad.
02:44No.
02:44Take it from me, it was.
02:47And this is where we are now?
02:49Mm-hm.
02:49The lover.
02:51The card of relationships.
02:53Really?
02:53Yes.
02:55Right.
02:56My wedding next Saturday.
02:58Oh.
03:00Great.
03:01Congratulations.
03:03Um, the Wheel of Fortune, unexpected opportunity.
03:06Recently and totally undeserved promotion.
03:08And the star, signs of hope after a difficult period.
03:12Couldn't have put it better myself.
03:22Right.
03:23These are your future.
03:24Eh, sorry.
03:25On second thoughts, let's not go there.
03:28Why not?
03:31Well, basically, let's face it.
03:33It's all bollocks, isn't it?
03:39I'm scared shitless.
03:41If it's good news, great.
03:43I love a surprise.
03:45But if it's bad news, I just don't want to know.
03:49No, Tara's not like that.
03:50It's not that literal.
03:51It's all in the interpretation.
03:52Honestly, um...
03:54Nick.
03:55Nick.
03:56I'll stop if you want, but I promise you there's absolutely nothing to be afraid of.
04:01And there's always the possibility that it's all complete bollocks.
04:10Shit!
04:11Fucking hell!
04:12No, no, no, no, it's not...
04:13It's not what?
04:14It's not that literal.
04:15Like I said, death doesn't mean death.
04:18A skeleton picking its way across a field of corpses.
04:21And that's my future.
04:23Happy ever after, it's not.
04:24No, it can be.
04:25It's like the end of one chapter in your life, the beginning of another.
04:30Your wedding.
04:31My wedding?
04:32Yes, it's about transformation, rebirth, a death in a sense.
04:36I mean, it doesn't have to be yours.
04:37Oh, God!
04:38I mean, if that's what you were thinking.
04:41Anyway, it's only the first.
04:43No way.
04:44You have to look at them all, Nick, otherwise the whole thing's meaningless.
04:46Oh, meaningless is fine.
04:49I don't have a problem with meaningless.
04:54Nick, look.
04:55Look, if you just wait, I can explain.
04:57It's not...
05:00Oh, shit.
05:09No way.
05:21Take your hair off.
05:23Let's take it out.
05:24Come on.
05:25Ha ha ha ha ha ha
05:46Pess off!
05:55Hi!
05:59Becca?
06:08I love you.
06:25Mr Jervins.
06:29Who's a pet?
06:55I love you.
07:18Hi, Dad.
07:19Couldn't find a blasted altar knife.
07:22Oh, Cyrus!
07:25Right, then.
07:26As soon as Marcus gets here, we can, um...
07:29Sorry I'm late.
07:30Evening pagans.
07:32Hi.
07:35Fleur, hi.
07:36While I've got you...
07:38The answer's no, Marcus.
07:40Now, hang on. You don't know what I'm going to say yet.
07:42Yes, I do.
07:43OK, you do, but I'm going to be very swift.
07:46I was just wondering if you'd like to, um...
07:49Oh, your father thought that you might not have a date.
07:54For Beltane.
07:57For Beltane?
07:58Hmm.
07:59That's true, I don't, Marcus.
08:02But then, as my father well knows, I'm not big on pagan fertility rites.
08:08Uh, right, um, well...
08:10No, that's not what you said that night I had you pinned to the altar.
08:13I'm not still.
08:15I was drunk.
08:16You're so passionate.
08:18Oh, Marcus, I want you now.
08:20Let me see.
08:24Sisters.
08:25Hi.
08:26Yours, I think.
08:28And Colin.
08:34You could do a lot worse than Marcus, Fleur.
08:37He has a touch of a shaman about him.
08:40In no time he'll have a coven of his own.
08:43Lonely fortune-teller, saddled with widower father, seeks lifetime companion.
08:48Nonsmoker preferred, must have own coven.
08:54Oh, Hecate.
08:56Great deity and lunar goddess, witness this spell working and guard the circle.
09:00Well, you're in denial, Fleur.
09:03Your father's a witch.
09:04So was your mother.
09:05You're a witch, whether you like it or not.
09:07And if you want to content yourself with playing mystical snap with housewives from Hampstead...
09:13Yes, please.
09:14Yang!
09:15High steward and horned god.
09:18Sarnanos, Armand, please hear our prayer.
09:21Please, Dad.
09:22I mean, all these spells and hexes conjuring up ancient Egyptians.
09:25I mean, to me, this is all just tampering, meddling with destiny, with other people's lives.
09:29No, it isn't.
09:30And bring shame, misfortune and retribution.
09:33The very pestilence of hell down on Colin's ex-wife.
09:38Well, I mean, obviously, that's meddling.
09:42Yes.
09:44Marcus just doesn't do it for me. Coven or no coven.
09:48I'm looking for someone a bit more...
09:53conventional.
09:55Meg!
09:57Meg!
10:02Meg!
10:03All right. Enough's enough.
10:04Yeah, we get the joke now.
10:10Meg!
10:11Meg!
10:27Face it, Fleur.
10:29I have seen the future.
10:32You and me.
10:36And I want you to try some of this.
10:38No way, Marcus. Not in this lifetime.
10:40Settle for the next.
10:42Mmm, no.
10:43Oh, come on. Like you've got other options.
10:47No.
10:51Hmm. Tough choice.
10:54Bye, Marcus.
10:56Vanish.
11:07You look like death.
11:10In the circumstances, I don't think that's funny.
11:13I should have been getting married today, Fleur.
11:16Publicly declaring my love in front of friends and family.
11:20Instead, 2,000 volavongs are defrosting in the boot of my car.
11:24An eight-piece jazz band has unexpectedly got the night off.
11:27And my fiancée has just slept with my bank manager.
11:32Your bank manager.
11:34I don't want to talk about that.
11:38Look, Nick, I'm sorry.
11:40Really.
11:42What are you going to do?
11:46You're the fortune teller.
11:51I didn't predict anything.
11:52That's not what I do.
11:53And we didn't even finish the reading.
11:55So let's finish it now.
11:56It's not that simple.
11:58We'd have to start again.
11:59Okay.
12:00Two cappuccinos, please.
12:05Better make one of decaf.
12:06Look, I can't do a reading, Nick.
12:07Sorry.
12:08Why not?
12:09I don't think it's a good idea.
12:11Not now.
12:12Come on.
12:13A three-card spread.
12:14That's all I'm asking.
12:15The Italian method.
12:16Forget that mine are kind of.
12:21I bought a book.
12:25What happened to It's All Bollocks?
12:28Yeah, well, I'm a wreck.
12:31I'm in crisis.
12:32My life is in freefall.
12:34I just want to know where I'm headed.
12:37For God's sake, Fleur.
12:38I was dumped for a bank manager.
12:40Have you any idea what that feels like?
12:46Is it past?
12:48Prisoned?
12:48Or shit and bust, as I shall now refer to them.
12:52In the future?
12:53You sure?
12:55Sure, I'm sure.
12:56Never been sure.
12:56Okay?
12:58Deal.
13:07How am I doing?
13:19Fine.
13:21I do not believe it.
13:24Well, it's...
13:25Well, you look at this hand.
13:26Wheel of Fortune.
13:28Well, mucker.
13:29Welcome back.
13:30A new, at number two, the world.
13:33Foreign travel.
13:34When do I leave?
13:35But this...
13:37This beauty.
13:38The sun.
13:40Card of pure optimism, energy, joy and success.
13:45Yes!
13:45Yes!
13:46Swivel on it, Jevons.
13:48You can have her, mate.
13:50Nick.
13:50No, Fleur.
13:51This is just so...
13:55I know it's not.
13:56I know not to take it literally, etc, etc.
13:59But this is good.
14:00I mean, even if it's just a little good.
14:02Even if all it means is tomorrow,
14:03I wake up and think it's worthwhile
14:05just changing my underpants.
14:07Oh, that was a joke, obviously.
14:09I just want to go and celebrate.
14:11Today is my wedding day
14:12and I am not getting married.
14:14Thank God!
14:20Oh, no, this is too...
14:22It's not worth it.
14:22The price of good news.
14:34Look, I mean,
14:36what I was saying about celebrating...
14:39What about it?
14:42Do you want to go out tonight?
14:46That's my point, Frank.
14:49Buffy slays vampires
14:50and Riley hunts demons.
14:52So who does Buffy go out with?
14:53She goes out with Riley
14:55with one of her own.
14:57You wouldn't catch her
14:58on a date with a management consultant.
15:01Fleur?
15:02Oh, no, thanks.
15:04I must say,
15:04it's not very impressive, Fleur.
15:06Manipulating reading
15:07sounds suspiciously to me
15:09like meddling with destiny.
15:12Can I ask,
15:14why is he always here?
15:17Because you never are, Fleur.
15:19Because he at least
15:20is following in my footsteps.
15:23Because my daughter
15:24insists on involving herself
15:25with some highly paid suit
15:28who thinks that the future
15:29is something you trade
15:30on the stock exchange.
15:32Look, do you mind?
15:33This is a brand new episode.
15:40Please, Dad.
15:42The death card.
15:43Twice it's come up now.
15:45I'm appealing to you
15:46as an older soul.
15:47What?
15:47As someone
15:48more spiritually evolved than me.
15:52What does it really mean?
15:55Search me?
15:56My spirit channeling groups
15:58in an hour.
15:59Shall we ask your mother?
16:01I'll tell you this, Fleur,
16:02whether you want to hear it or not.
16:03Now, you readers of the tarot,
16:06you floaty caftan brigade,
16:08you're all so damn...
16:11new labour.
16:12Mystical bloody spin doctors.
16:15Someone turns up the devil card.
16:17Now, does it mean that there is,
16:19in fact, something in their life
16:20which explains the symbolic presence
16:22of a satanic power?
16:24No.
16:25No, apparently it's all about
16:26the importance of dealing with
16:28and acknowledging your negative emotions.
16:30Well, excuse me.
16:32If they wanted Russell Grant,
16:33they'd have tuned into UK living.
16:34Now, I'll tell you that, thank you.
16:35He's right, Fleur.
16:37Death doesn't mean death.
16:39Do you think the ancient Egyptians
16:41thought that death didn't mean death
16:43when they invented the tarot?
16:45When Cleopatra was about the only one of them
16:47to live beyond 12 years of age?
16:50In other words,
16:50you heard your boyfriend's toast.
16:52Mm-hmm.
16:52Do I have a problem with that?
16:54No, I do not.
16:58What the bloody hell is wrong with you?
17:00Do you have a clue about what you do with a bike?
17:03Stop and start it, left and right.
17:04You got any of that?
17:05Sorry, mate.
17:08Are you all right?
17:10Nick.
17:12Uh, this is my dad.
17:15Nick Taylor.
17:15Pleased to meet you.
17:17Really?
17:18So we...
17:19Hi, I'm Marcus.
17:21Didn't we...
17:22Yes, sorry, I had to dash.
17:24I'm a colleague of Frank's.
17:26What is it you do?
17:28Well...
17:28Fleur's been telling us all about you.
17:31Yes, it's so gratifying
17:33to hear about a young man with prospects.
17:36Thanks.
17:37So,
17:39what do you think of her?
17:41Vroom!
17:42Vroom!
17:45Well, I got her today.
17:53Sorry.
17:54It's me.
17:55Scared of motorbikes.
17:56I always have been.
17:58Oh, right.
17:59You shouldn't be.
18:01Not off bikes.
18:02Perfectly safe in the right hands.
18:05I mean, take me.
18:07Always wanted a Harley.
18:08Always.
18:09But like you,
18:10I was too scared.
18:12Who knows, though?
18:12Maybe we were right.
18:14No.
18:14Scared people would think
18:15I was a prat.
18:22The reading today.
18:24What it said.
18:25What's out there for me.
18:27I suddenly realised
18:28there is a whole raft of things
18:30that I have backed away from.
18:33So,
18:34I made a list.
18:35The bike was number one.
18:37What's number two?
18:38Crack cocaine.
18:40Just kidding.
18:41That's actually number five.
18:43Point is,
18:44this is the new me, Fleur.
18:47I'm not going to be afraid.
18:48I'm not going to be backing away
18:49from anything anymore.
18:51You taught me that.
18:53Did I?
18:54Oh, good.
18:56On the other hand,
18:56I think we shouldn't forget that,
18:58well, as an emotion,
18:59being afraid,
19:00well,
19:01fear does have an upside.
19:03Because, I mean,
19:05you know,
19:05part of fear is caution,
19:07and caution is a good thing, Nick.
19:12especially when you've just
19:13bought a Harley Davidson.
19:22That was number eight.
19:36Nick's life plan.
19:39School,
19:40university,
19:41decent job.
19:43Man, is that alright.
19:45Step two,
19:46fantastic amounts
19:48of meaningless sex.
19:50That was a bit more,
19:51you know.
19:53Anyway,
19:53it was time to settle down.
19:55Or so I thought.
19:58So,
19:59I wonder what happens now.
20:02That's my question.
20:04Meaningless sex?
20:15Does it have to be meaningless?
20:25Nick,
20:26there's something
20:27that I really...
20:28Shh!
20:38What are you doing?
20:40Just, uh,
20:42just checking the old lifeline.
21:03There you are!
21:04Oh,
21:10obviously,
21:13I said,
21:41Come on, Hank.
21:43I'm coming.
21:48Yeah! Morning.
21:51I do hope I'm not interrupting anything.
22:11You're Cyrus! What are you...?
22:21Oh, my God.
22:23Thank you for doing this.
22:25Someone dropping out? I know what that's like. And it's for charity.
22:29Yes, the Distressed Daughters of Wicker. Are you familiar with them?
22:35Well, I'm deeply involved with them.
22:38The fact is, Marcus, you caught me at a good time.
22:40I'm right up for this kind of thing at the moment.
22:42Yes, I know.
22:44Call it intuition, but it's very good of you.
22:47And incredibly brave.
22:48We're here for the sponsored bungee jump.
22:50Go on, mate.
22:50What the fuck?
23:02Argh!
23:03Ahhhhh!
23:05Ahhhhh!
23:06Ahhhhh!
23:18Come on dad pick up!
23:21Yes, please, please
23:28Dad look, I need you to forget everything I've ever said about
23:58I'm sure I don't have to remind you how dangerous this will be.
24:22Off to you.
24:58I'm sure I don't have to remind you how dangerous this will be.
25:28I'm sure I don't have to remind you how dangerous this will be.
25:33Nick!
25:52Oh, God, I'm sorry.
25:58He fainted before he jumped.
26:01I think he's probably going to live.
26:09Not the face, Fleur.
26:13You might regret it.
26:22We were up in the basket and I thought we were going to go higher.
26:24And then I was really up for it.
26:27And then it all went blank.
26:29Thanks, Dad.
26:29What?
26:31We should go on holiday together.
26:33Yeah.
26:33Where?
26:34Number six on the list was a trek across the Himalayas.
26:37Nick.
26:38Whitewater rafting down the Grand Canyon.
26:40That was number ten.
26:40That's very funny.
26:46Eastbourne!
26:47I'm selling the hardling.
26:50Thanks.
26:52You all keep the leathers, though, won't you?
26:54Come on.
27:03Coming soon.
27:04But look, come on.
27:09Do you see it?
27:14Come.
27:14Come on.
27:18Come.
27:21Go!
27:23Go!
27:25What? Police? Look, Flo. Look, I don't understand. I mean, what? Oh, my God. How?
27:42So, what do you think? Total shock or move to tears?
27:49Look, it was an old spell. I've used it many, many times. It's always worked in the past.
28:21It's always worked in the past.
28:24Get a hop in the back. Sometimes I'm going over here.
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