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00:00.
00:02.
00:04.
00:06.
00:08.
00:10Knowing me, knowing you, ah-ha.
00:12There is nothing we can do.
00:14Knowing me, knowing you, ah-ha.
00:16We just have to face it the time we're through.
00:22Knowing me, knowing you, ah-ha.
00:28.
00:42.
00:46Welcome.
00:48Welcome to Knowing Me, Knowing You with me, Alan Partridge,
00:51live from BBC Television Centre.
00:54You better believe it, babe, there's a new chat in town.
00:57.
00:59Tonight is what I call a JFK kind of a night,
01:01because just as everyone can remember what they were doing
01:03when President Kennedy was shot in the head,
01:06I like to think that 30 years from now,
01:09people will remember what they were doing when I first said,
01:11ah-ha!
01:13.
01:14As tonight's motorcade of chat cruises through Celebrity City,
01:17let's hope there isn't a lone sniper waiting to pick off my star guest.
01:22He arrived at Heathrow Airport ten minutes ago,
01:24and is now being whisked to the studio in a black Vauxhall Carlton.
01:27He is none other than 007 James Bond, Roger Moore.
01:32.
01:37I hope you like my set.
01:38It's modelled on the lobby of a top international hotel.
01:41.
01:42And for the first time ever on a chat show, a beautiful fountain.
01:45.
01:46But first, up there in their musical mezzanine,
01:50let's get to know my resident house band,
01:53Glen Ponder and Chalet.
01:56.
02:02Knowing me Alan Partridge, knowing you, Glen Ponder, ah-ha.
02:06.
02:07Knowing me Alan Partridge, knowing you, Chalet, ah-ha.
02:09.
02:10.
02:11Great to have you aboard, Glen.
02:12Well, it's great to be here.
02:14We're really looking forward to it.
02:15.
02:16Sorry?
02:17.
02:18Glen Ponder.
02:19.
02:20.
02:21Glen Ponder and Chalet.
02:22.
02:23.
02:24.
02:25.
02:32.
02:33.
02:34Well, it's time to meet my first guest now,
02:37after I've done her introduction now.
02:39.
02:40.
02:41Now, Red Rum, Desert Orchid, Black Beauty,
02:44Shergar and Mr. Red.
02:46What have they got in common?
02:47Well, they're all celebrity horses.
02:50My first guest is not a celebrity horse,
02:52she's a celebrity who rides a horse.
02:54Let's see her in action.
02:56.
02:57.
02:58.
02:59.
03:00.
03:01.
03:02.
03:03go back to the stable and give it a kiss.
03:06.
03:08.
03:09.
03:10.
03:11.
03:12.
03:13.
03:22.
03:23.
03:24.
03:25.
03:26.
03:27.
03:28.
03:29Got a quick whiff of your perfume there, that's nice.
03:37Knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you, Sue Lewis.
03:39Aha.
03:39Aha.
03:41Right, now.
03:43Horses.
03:44Horses.
03:45People say a dog is like its owner.
03:49Is a horse like its rider?
03:51I don't know.
03:53Can you speak, can you speak up a bit?
03:57I don't know.
03:57You don't think there's any resemblance?
04:01You don't think you look like a horse?
04:04I hope not.
04:04Speak up.
04:08I hope not.
04:08Sorry, can we turn the fountain off, please?
04:13Sorry, sorry, Sue.
04:15The idea of the fountain was to represent a fountain of knowledge, you know, to symbolise the show.
04:21Now, now, Sue.
04:23It looks lovely.
04:24It is, well, it costs two grand.
04:26Two grand to read that.
04:27That's, by the way, that's the kind of thing you'll be seeing throughout the series.
04:30Lots of money spent on expensive items.
04:33Now, you, you won the hearts of the British public when, last year, you trotted off with the
04:40world championship.
04:42Yes.
04:45How did that feel?
04:47Oh, great.
04:54Really?
04:54Really great.
04:58Right, right, yeah.
04:58Um, and, and, and, and was, was the horse, was your horse, Shradaviv, was he aware of the excitement?
05:03Oh, yes.
05:04Um, what, what did you, um, did you give him a treat afterwards?
05:10Yes.
05:13What?
05:15Did you, did you, did you open tickle his belly?
05:17No, actually, that's a dangerous area.
05:20I'm, uh, I'm thinking of, uh, that man with the dolphin.
05:22Um, now, Sue, um, let's move, move on to the, to the anecdotes.
05:28Do, do, do the anecdote.
05:29Do it now.
05:30Well, um, all it was, was that, um, when you transport a horse to an event in a horse box,
05:35um, you have to do it very carefully and it takes a lot of time and effort and so on.
05:39Yeah.
05:40Um, the owner of Shradaviv, Maxwell Henderson, was driving us up.
05:43Can you just, just get to the bit about the horse box on the road?
05:45Right, well, um, we were driving up the motorway, and, uh,
05:49And she was driving up the motorway with this man in a car.
05:51Sorry, I'm doing the story for you.
05:52Please, please, tell her, tell her.
05:54Um, right, well, uh, we were driving up the motorway and Maxwell decided he needed a drink,
05:58so we stopped off at some shops in Newbury.
06:01Right, sorry, Sue, can I just interrupt you?
06:02I've just been told that Roger Moore has just passed Heston Services and, uh,
06:08should be with us very soon.
06:09Sorry, Sue, carry on.
06:14Um, I forgot where I was.
06:18Where was I?
06:18I've absolutely no idea.
06:22Well, that, that's not working.
06:23Abandon that.
06:23Go on to the other story.
06:24Oh, I remember, I remember.
06:25All right, go back.
06:26Right, we, um,
06:27We stopped at some shops in Newbury so that Maxwell could get a drink,
06:30uh, water or a cup of tea or something, and I wanted to buy something to read.
06:34Right, so you bought a book.
06:35So I bought a book.
06:35And, um, the point is that it was a very small bookshop, um,
06:39and they were catering for a sort of mass audience.
06:41A bit quicker.
06:42So, right.
06:43So, I went in and I bought a book,
06:45and when I was going back out to wear horse books.
06:47That's not quick.
06:47She bought a book, she got in the car,
06:49and, uh, the book was called Killing Horses.
06:51And the driver thought she was someone, some sort of murderess.
06:54She explained she was just buying the book.
06:55It was hilarious.
06:56It was hilarious.
06:57It was hilarious.
06:58It was hilarious.
06:59That's, that's the end, that's the end of the story.
07:01That's the end of the story.
07:02Okay, um, now, it says here, it says here, Hawaii.
07:07Hawaii.
07:07What happened in Hawaii?
07:08Oh.
07:08Exotic location.
07:09Give me spice.
07:10I lost my luggage.
07:11Oh dear.
07:12What, what happened?
07:13Well, it turned up in Brasilia.
07:15Oh, disaster.
07:17What, what next?
07:19Well, it was fine.
07:19I mean, there was nothing missing or anything.
07:21You see, that's no good.
07:25That's an, that's an incident, you know.
07:26It's not an anecdote.
07:27You've got down here in your press release anecdotes,
07:29and that's dishonest, you know.
07:30It's no good for, no good for a chat show.
07:32No, it's just, uh, just for future reference.
07:34Otherwise, you waste people's time.
07:37Thanks.
07:37Not to worry.
07:38Um, we've got a surprise for you.
07:40In this, one of the regular features of the series,
07:42called Up Alan's Sleeve.
07:44Well, well, Sue Lewis, this week I have for you,
07:48up my sleeve, a horse and a jump.
07:51Bring on the horse and the jump.
07:59It's not your horse.
08:00We couldn't get your horse, so it's, it's just a horse.
08:03Now, isn't, isn't he a beauty?
08:07She.
08:07She.
08:08Yes, you're absolutely right.
08:11Um, Sue, we've got the horse, we've got the jump.
08:13Uh, I know I've sprung this on you, but will you rise to the challenge?
08:16Will you jump the jump?
08:19Oh, no, I can't.
08:20She doesn't want to do it.
08:21Do you want her to jump the jump?
08:22Yes.
08:22Yes.
08:23Will you jump the jump?
08:24No, I really, I really can't.
08:26Um, this is a, this is a concrete floor, and it would, I mean,
08:29the, the horse has very delicate legs, and it would damage the horse.
08:31Well, can we gaffer tape from sponges to the horse's hooves?
08:34No, no, that wouldn't work.
08:35It would break the horse's legs.
08:37It really can't be done.
08:40Please don't break my legs, she's saying.
08:41Don't do that.
08:43All right, get rid of the horse and the jump.
08:45That's your fault.
09:01She was nervous.
09:02You know, you really, you really ought to get a dustpan and brush and tidy that up.
09:07That could have been spectacular.
09:09We could have had a horse jump, now we've got a lump of dung.
09:17Sorry.
09:18Well, that's it, I've got, I've got nothing else to say.
09:21No more questions?
09:22No.
09:24Have you got any questions?
09:26Have you ever ridden a horse?
09:27Yes, I have.
09:29So, I, uh, I went pony trekking, uh, when I, when I, when I was a schoolboy in Cornwall.
09:35Gosh.
09:36It's like one of your stories, Dad, isn't it?
09:39Ladies and gentlemen, Sue Lewis.
09:50Fame, I'm going to live forever.
09:52Stay there, Sue.
09:56Fame, I'm going to learn how to fly.
09:59Of course I'm not, but in, but in, but in a sense, my next guest did.
10:05Two years ago, he was presenting The Looney Breakfast Show on Radio Leeds.
10:09Now he's topped the ratings as the new host of This Is Your Life.
10:13He's a trooper.
10:14I think he's super.
10:16Please welcome, super trooper, Keith Hunt.
10:19Oh, dear.
10:20Oh, dear.
10:21Knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you, Keith Hunt.
10:27Ah-ha.
10:28Ah-ha.
10:29Am I right?
10:30You're not wrong.
10:31I don't believe you're only on five seconds, you've got a catchphrase on already.
10:47I like to slip it in early, if you know what I mean.
10:52You're all right, Sue?
10:53You're not wrong.
10:55She's a barrel of laughs.
10:58Pity it's empty.
10:59Am I right?
11:00You're not wrong.
11:02Yeah, yeah.
11:02I'm only joking.
11:04No, you really are not wrong.
11:07Now, Keith, This Is Your Life.
11:11That show is a British institution.
11:13You've taken it and you've revolutionised it,
11:16because you now do it as a surprise party from the celebrity's home.
11:20What a brilliantly original idea.
11:21Where did you get it from?
11:22America.
11:23Great.
11:24Sue, Sue, you were on This Is Your Life recently.
11:27Yes.
11:28Was that fun?
11:29It was interesting.
11:30Oh, well, we'll see for ourselves fairly soon,
11:33but it certainly sounds like a lot of fun.
11:37See the clip.
11:38See the clip.
11:45She's coming.
11:48Hold your horses, it's Sue Lewis!
11:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
11:52Have a light!
11:54Where's me book?
11:56It's big, it's red, it's a book, it's big red bookies!
12:03Hey, Sue, this is your life!
12:21Oh, dear.
12:22Sue, Sue, how was that?
12:24Well, it was fun.
12:25I mean, I felt that, um...
12:27Rubbish, crass, putrefying cack, drivel.
12:31That's what Melvin Bragg said about your show.
12:35Why?
12:37Because he's frightened of me.
12:40Oh, yeah.
12:41I deliver four times as many viewers as him,
12:45and he knows that if I presented The South Bank Show,
12:48which I may do, I quite like art,
12:50then Melvin Bragg would be stacking shelves in Tesco's first thing Monday morning.
12:55Absolutely.
12:56Am I right?
12:57You're not wrong!
12:58You know, he shouldn't criticise it, because it's a British institution.
13:02You couldn't get more British.
13:03It's as English as fish and chips.
13:04Bangers and mash.
13:05The Tower of London.
13:07Sue, do you want to mention something British?
13:09Um, Crofts.
13:13But, you know, I mean, I would, I would,
13:16I would dearly love my show to be a British institution.
13:19Oh, well, you've got to change your theme tune, then.
13:21I mean, ABBA, Swedish.
13:22Yeah, yeah.
13:23Well, that's a Swedish institution, isn't it?
13:25You can't get more Swedish.
13:26It's as Swedish as, uh, as Ikea.
13:29Volvo.
13:31Sue, do you want to mention something Swedish?
13:34The vegetable Swede.
13:36Yeah, oh, yeah.
13:38Sweet, the Swedes, uh, the Swedish don't have a bad life, really,
13:41when you think about it.
13:42I mean, they get up in the morning, have a bowl of Swede, um,
13:47hop in the Volvo, whack on a bit of ABBA and zip over to Ikea.
13:50I mean, I mean, you know, that's my Sunday.
13:56Uh, apart from the Swede.
13:59Now, Keith, well, I have, uh, Kellogg's common sense.
14:02Um, now, Keith, what's the secret of your success?
14:06I'm an ordinary bloke.
14:08Right, am I an ordinary bloke?
14:09Dead ordinary.
14:10Good, good.
14:11It's good, it's good.
14:13Right, every Saturday, I go to the footy with me kid.
14:16I go down the pub with me mates, pint a bit of game of darts.
14:19First thing I do when I fly up to Leeds.
14:21Yeah, I, I, I'm the same.
14:23I can often be found in Norwich, you know,
14:24propping up the bar at the Pheasant Brasserie.
14:26Sunday lunch.
14:28Sunday lunch, roast beef, Yorkshire pud, cup of tea, magic.
14:32I'm the same.
14:33Down the harvester, sundae platter, glass of wine, cheers.
14:36We're ordinary, ordinary, ordinary, ordinary.
14:38But, ah, now, the big but.
14:41Keith, you do extraordinary things,
14:43because I have a local paper from Keith's area.
14:46Hey, what's going on here?
14:48A local paper, which has a little story here.
14:50No, no, no, no, don't embarrass me.
14:51No, come on.
14:52I'm not here to talk about myself.
14:54No, no, no, shh.
14:55This, now, is a story about Keith.
14:57Now, I can either read it or you will.
14:58Do you want to tell the story?
14:59All right, all right.
15:00Right, listen to this.
15:02The headmaster of the local school where me kid goes,
15:05he knocks on me door last week.
15:06He says, Keith, we're having a raffle to raise money for a minibus for the kids.
15:12Will you host it?
15:14I said, how much does this minibus cost?
15:17He says, 18 grand.
15:18I said, hang on.
15:19Sorry, I could just stop you there.
15:21I've just been told that Roger Moore is at Chiswick Roundabout.
15:26He should be with us very soon indeed.
15:28Stay tuned, stay tuned.
15:29Keith, sorry, come on.
15:30He said, 18 grand.
15:32I said, here's 20.
15:36Buy the kids a minibus and take them for a fun day out at Alton Towers.
15:39What a nice man.
15:42You've got to put a bit back and it's tax deductible.
15:45Yeah, well, I'm thinking along the same lines.
15:49I'm thinking of Alan Partager's espace for the elderly.
15:53Go for it.
15:54Yeah, well, well.
15:55Now, Keith, you like surprises.
15:58You, oh, by the way, thanks for bringing that paper in.
16:01We, thanks for that.
16:01And, and you, well done.
16:11Um, and you, you like surprises and we have now got a surprise for you because it's time
16:17once again to go up Alan's sleeve.
16:20Earlier on, I had a horse up my sleeve and a jump for Sue Lewis.
16:24Well, people are asking, Alan, what have you got up your other sleeve?
16:28Well, it's a child.
16:29I've got a child up my sleeve.
16:31Hey, what's going on?
16:32And Keith, it's a child you know very well because you produced him.
16:35He's here tonight.
16:36Your very own son, Sam Hunt.
16:38Oh, well done with it.
16:39Oh, well done with it.
16:41Oh, well done with it.
16:42Oh, well done with it.
16:44Oh, well done with it.
16:46Now, Keith, Keith, Keith.
16:48All right, Sam.
16:49All right, Sam.
16:50Keith, Sam is, Sam is your only son from your marriage which was dissolved some years ago.
16:55Now, because of access and custody laws, you're only allowed to see him once a fortnight,
16:59so you're not allowed contact with him tonight, but I can speak to him,
17:02so you wait here while I go and talk to Sam Hunt.
17:09Hello, little Sarah.
17:11Sam, it's Dad.
17:12Right, now, I believe, Keith, you've got something very special to say to Sam today.
17:16It's a very special day.
17:17Yeah, looking forward to next weekend, Sam.
17:19We'll have a fun day out.
17:20Take you to the footy.
17:22No, isn't there something else you want to say to him?
17:25You see your dad on the telly last week?
17:28No.
17:29Sam, do you want to tell your daddy?
17:31It's my birthday.
17:32It's your son's birthday!
17:36Yes, yes, happy birthday, Sam.
17:38What have you got for him?
17:42No, it's Keith, you stay there, you know the law.
17:46There you go, your daddy's got your, got your ten pounds.
17:49Now, nice, but don't despair because we've got you a present.
17:52We've got you an Alan Partridge tie and blazer badge combination pack.
17:57There you go, there we go, you took that.
18:00And, not only that, we've got him an all-expenses-paid trip to Disneyland with your mummy and her partner this weekend.
18:08I've got custody this weekend, she knows that.
18:16No, no, it's been arranged.
18:17No, I've got custody, she knows it.
18:19Let's ask Sam, where are you going this weekend?
18:21Disneyland.
18:22Disneyland, of course, the island of terror.
18:25Ladies and gentlemen, Sam Hunt, that way, that way, that way.
18:28Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you.
18:39Great, oh, marvellous.
18:40Um, funny feeling that backfired a bit.
18:45You know, you should have checked it out with me first, Al.
18:47Yeah.
18:47Well, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were going to forget your only son's birthday.
18:50Leave it.
18:50Well, dear, I think I've blown my chances of being on This Is Your Life.
18:57Oh, no, no, no.
18:58We couldn't have you on the show.
19:00Why?
19:00We only have celebrities.
19:08Sue, have you got any children?
19:10No, I haven't.
19:10I have, yeah.
19:11Fernando, he's at Cambridge.
19:14And Denise, yes.
19:16Uh, Denise's birthday's on the 27th of May, and, uh, Fernando's is on the 6th of June.
19:22So, quite close together.
19:24We usually have a big family bash, all the family together.
19:27Solid as a rock.
19:31Do, uh, do horses have birthdays?
19:33Yes, they do.
19:34Do you get the presents?
19:35Sometimes.
19:36Really?
19:36Even horses?
19:39Even horses.
19:40He looks like a lovely boy, Sam.
19:47Yeah, super loud.
19:48How old is he?
19:49Five.
19:49Six.
19:49Six today.
19:51Am I right?
19:52I'm not wrong.
19:58Do you realise you're the only person in the country who still thinks Roger Moore's gonna turn up?
20:05He'll be here.
20:06Where is he now?
20:07She's at Roundabout.
20:09She's at Roundabout to TV Centre in 10 minutes.
20:12Yes.
20:12How's he getting here?
20:13Magic carpet.
20:14If need be, yes.
20:15Ladies and gentlemen, Keith Hunt.
20:27Could, uh, could someone clear that shit away, please?
20:32It's just, I, I, I can see, it's in, it's in my picture.
20:35I don't, I don't, I don't, people may associate it with me.
20:44I don't want that.
20:47Time now for my next guests.
20:49If music be the food of love, play on.
20:52That's what William Shakespeare said.
20:54I'm not William Shakespeare.
20:56But I say pretty much the same thing.
21:00If music be the food of love, let's eat it.
21:03Here with, here with a new single, Monday Morning, I know the feeling, please welcome Shona McGough.
21:09Thank you so much for joining us.
21:11Thank you so much for joining us today.
21:13Thank you so much for joining us today.
21:15Thank you so much for joining us today.
21:17Thank you so much for joining us today.
21:19Monday morning at quarter to eight, she gives her husband his cornflakes.
21:26He mustn't be late.
21:28She vacuums the carpets, makes everything clean.
21:32Everything clean.
21:33What would she do without Mr. Sheen?
21:42She takes a shotgun from under the stairs, and stands in the hallway, screaming her PLEEEEEN!
21:56The Gatman comes to read the meter.
22:01He writes down the reading, scratching his head.
22:05Yes!
22:06It's quarter to four, and now the Gatman's dead!
22:11Yeah, Dad!
22:13Blonde, run!
22:15Her husband arrives, she says, hello, Ray!
22:19And smiles politely, as she blows him away!
22:24Blonde, run!
22:27Blonde, run!
22:29She's stalking the streets, her brain's on fire.
22:33She guns down 28, vision high, yeah!
22:38Blonde, run!
22:41Blonde, run!
22:43Her hubby comes home, and he gives her a kiss.
22:47She puts the gun in his mouth and says, suck on this!
22:52Blonde, run!
22:54Blonde, run!
22:56Blonde, run!
22:59Blonde, run!
23:02Blonde, run!
23:04Blonde, run!
23:05Blonde, run!
23:07Blonde, run!
23:07Ah!
23:09Suck on this!
23:12Suck on this!
23:14No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
23:27Ladies, ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, I must apologise.
23:32I had no idea of the full content of that song.
23:36Let me announce this now.
23:37If any young people are watching, let me say this.
23:39Whilst it may be all well and good for a rock band to sing about such things,
23:43murder, whether it be domestic or street-bound genocide,
23:46is illegal in this country, right?
23:48What was that?
23:50Who was the song?
23:51Well, I mean, I don't know, it started off so well.
23:53You whipped the skirt off, very like Bucks Viz, Eurovision.
23:56That was good.
23:57And then, and then, do you mind standing around here, as you were told?
24:00Please come back.
24:03Um, well, uh, Shona McGough's single is in the shop.
24:06If you want to buy that, annoy your neighbours.
24:10Yes, right, sorry, I've just been told Roger Moore,
24:13Roger Moore is at Chiswick Roundabout, so he's still...
24:16So what's he still doing there?
24:18He shouldn't be there.
24:19I'll fill in now with a couple of minutes chat with Shona McGough.
24:22She's beat me to it.
24:23Oh, dear.
24:24Um, I...
24:27I need a chair, unfortunately.
24:29No, don't do that. Don't do that.
24:31Please.
24:32Sue, Sue Lewis, sorry, I need your chair. Come on.
24:37Sorry, just sit around there.
24:38Sorry.
24:40Um, well, if you've just tuned in,
24:42you're watching Knowing Me Knowing You with Alan Partridge.
24:45Um, it's not quite what we planned.
24:47It's a bit crazy, but what the heck.
24:49I mean, say what you like, but you can't say it's not interesting.
24:52Please, please don't say that.
24:53Um, I'll do that.
24:55Oh, stop it, please.
24:57Um, ah, this is interesting.
24:59Uh, a lady drummer.
25:00Um, very good.
25:01Close your eyes.
25:02Could have been a man.
25:03Very good.
25:03I really fancy you, you know.
25:07What?
25:08I think you're really sexy.
25:10Really?
25:11No.
25:14Um, do you want to put those pears back, please?
25:16I really would rather you didn't, you didn't mess with those pears.
25:19Oh, what the heck, rock and roll, let's all have a pair.
25:25Oh, fuck.
25:26All right, no, let me ask you this, right?
25:27Question I always want to ask a Scottish woman, right?
25:29What has a Scottish man got under his kilt?
25:31His penis.
25:32Oh, for God's sake.
25:33I know exactly what you're thinking.
25:34You all think, right, I'm a big square, let me tell you something.
25:36I've seen what you do, I've seen it all before, I've inhaled hashish, I've walked tall shoes, I had an afro haircut, I went on all weekend binges to press statin to see wings.
25:55I'll tell you something else.
25:56Christa Berg, Mike Ophiel, Jean-Michel Jarre and the Eagles could eat you lot for breakfast.
26:02You're quiet.
26:04Just enjoying the show, mate.
26:06Let's move on to the next section of the show, which is entitled An Audience with Roger Moore.
26:15And to help me with that, I'm going to invite Shona, Sue and Keith, not the band, to join me in the Roger Moore room for An Audience with Roger Moore.
26:24Here we are in the Roger Moore room for An Audience with Roger Moore.
26:43The idea was, basically, that Roger could come in here and sit where Sue's sitting and just chat about all these things.
26:49We were surrounded by memorabilia from Roger's glittering career in films and television.
26:53There's a little James Bond car there.
26:55See, little man flies out.
26:56That's nice.
26:57There's a golden gun there.
26:58That's from the man with the golden gun.
27:00There's a gold, gold ingot there.
27:03That's from the film Gold, in which he co-starred with Susanna York.
27:07There's a saint annual there.
27:09I was going to get Roger to read aloud from that with his lovely warm brown voice.
27:15Al, jog me memory, in which of Roger's films does it feature three ducks on the wall?
27:20Ah, they are not ducks, they are wild geese from the film The Wild Geese with Roger Moore playing the cigar-chomping mercenary.
27:31Oh, yes.
27:32Sorry?
27:34Oh, yes.
27:34Oh, yes, yes.
27:37This was the show opening.
27:39This was going to be marvellous.
27:41There we go.
27:42Curtains.
27:45Roger Moore.
27:46Roger Moore, the quintessential English gentleman.
27:49Who's not here.
27:52Now, I was going to start.
27:53I was going to start.
27:54Roger would have loved this.
27:55I was going to introduce myself by doing this.
27:56This is fantastic.
27:58Aha, Mr. Bond.
28:02I've been expecting you, which I had, you know.
28:06It would have been fantastic.
28:08What's that?
28:09That's a nipple.
28:11Now, it's a nipple.
28:14From the man with the golden gun, it's a third nipple.
28:16The scaramanja had three nipples.
28:19That's a gold finger.
28:20Sean Connery was gold finger.
28:22Well done.
28:23That was a trick object.
28:25Sean Connery was a better bond anyway.
28:28Well, you know, interesting you take that position, you know, the Scottish position.
28:31I mean, in the whole, you know, in the whole Roger versus Sean debate that's been raging
28:36for the last 20 years, I have to say I'm firmly in the Roger camp, you know.
28:41I believe no one could sort of wear a safari suit with the same degree of casualty.
28:46It's a complete shambles.
28:48You're putting a brave face on it, but he's not here, you know.
28:51You tell the viewers if Roger Moore's telling you.
28:54Let me stop you in your tracks there, Keith Hunt.
28:57You can eat your hat now, because, ladies and gentlemen, I can confirm Roger Moore is on the show.
29:02We're having him on the show right now, live by telephone link-up from the car on a mobile phone.
29:10Hello, Roger.
29:13Hello, Roger.
29:13Hello, Alan.
29:15Oh, John.
29:16Oh, Roger Moore.
29:18Oh, um, knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you, Roger Moore.
29:21Aha!
29:24Roger, no?
29:25No?
29:25All right, listen, I'm going to cut straight to a key question, Roger.
29:27We don't have much time.
29:29A hypothetical fistfight takes place between Simon Templer, the saint, and Roger Moore, James Bond, 007.
29:36Who wins?
29:39Any thoughts on that, Roger?
29:43Roger?
29:46Roger?
29:50Roger?
29:53Roger!
29:58Does the word Titanic mean anything to you?
30:02Oh, yeah, people go on about Titanic, Titanic.
30:05Let me tell you something about the Titanic.
30:06People forget.
30:08People forget that on the Titanic's maiden voyage, there were over a thousand miles of uneventful,
30:13very pleasurable cruising before it hit the iceberg.
30:18Anyway, we had him on the show.
30:19He was on the show.
30:20That doesn't count.
30:22Face it, mate.
30:23He's Roger the Dodger.
30:24Am I right?
30:25You're not wrong.
30:28All right, point taken.
30:29Point taken.
30:29But, but let's, no, this is, we can still rescue it.
30:31Let's turn the situation around.
30:32Let's, let's call this section of the show Right to Reply with Alan Partridge.
30:35If you've got any criticisms, let me hear them.
30:37I can deal with them.
30:38Criticisms?
30:38A horse takes a dump on your show.
30:41No manners, but what a critic, you know.
30:44You get a horse with a jump on, she won't jump it.
30:49No, it wasn't that I wouldn't jump it.
30:50I really couldn't do it.
30:51You were right not to.
30:52Because it would have been terribly dangerous and inappropriate.
30:54You've never heard of us.
30:55You slug us off the minute we come on.
30:57Absolutely.
30:57You don't get any fall back.
30:58We're vegetarians.
30:59We get ham sandwiches.
31:00You get my own kid on.
31:01That is well out of order.
31:03You just don't do that when the director general and the BBs.
31:05Carb yours.
31:06Carb yours!
31:09You can't say that.
31:17Kiss my arse!
31:27And on that bombshell, it's time for me to say, knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you,
31:34Scotch lady, woman, knowing you, the hunt,
31:37and knowing you, Mrs. Mouse.
31:40And I've just been told Roger Moore has just checked into Claridge's where he's ordered room service.
31:47Aha!
32:07shallow bass solo
32:20rets nh memories
32:21&opheso
32:22插
32:24They rock just
32:25are
32:25screwed
32:26They rock just
32:28rồi
32:29They rock clicked
32:30ged
32:30they
32:30saved
32:31They rock
32:31they rock
32:32They rock
32:33they rock
32:34they rock
32:35they rock
32:36they rock
32:36they rock
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