- 6 months ago
The misadventures of a British Royal Artillery Concert Party unit stationed in based in Deolali in British India and the fictional village of Tin Min in Burma during the last few months of the Second World War.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:09With music and laughter to help you on your way, to raising the rafters with a hey, hey, hey.
00:15With songs and sketches and jokes on anew, with us about, you won't feel blue.
00:21So meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:26B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys, to entertain you.
00:47Hey, stop your damn wheelie and shit up straight when you're punkering.
00:52Who are you pulling in military fashion? And do not be so slummokey, like bag of sherbet tied round loose.
00:58What? What to do?
01:04For two whole days now, battery office telephone has been playing up the Babsi Dido.
01:08Now, some of you will not be understanding the slang used by us British.
01:13So I'll tell you what playing up the Babsi Dido means.
01:16It means, nobody good at all.
01:18One thing more worse, Sergeant Major Sarb is thinking that whole of India is doing to him one very old British religious custom called, taking the mickey.
01:29Barra!
01:30Oh, blimey. Come in, Sergeant Major Sarb.
01:34Sergeant Major Sarb.
01:36Till this chatty full of parney look jolly about it.
01:38Oh, Sergeant Major Sarb. Oh, Sarb, you have such great command of our wonderful Indian language.
01:43Shut up.
01:44and british language too sir sergeant major does someone on the line says he's delhi
01:49delhi delhi i'll give him delhi hello sir the or a depot deal lally is on the line oh good
01:58i'll take it myself it's top secret standish military intelligence delhi here shut up
02:06now you're this mr la-de-da gunna graham i knows as well as you knows that this is saturday
02:14afternoon i need to have gone down to the joolally bazaar for to make this call phone call for to
02:18take the mickey out of your sergeant major but you does not fool me gunna graham because i
02:24recognizes you on account of the fact that you have a voice like a la-de-da poof
02:30i am here sergeant major sar i is very sorry sir you has been listening to the the voice of a
02:41a gunner clerk sir what is a practical jogger and is now under close arrest uh splendid look
02:48i want to speak to your commanding officer myself it's uh top secret oh yes sir yes sir yes sir
02:53bearer uh tell colonel saab top secret message from delhi that's the sergeant major
03:00oh colonel saab telephone from delhi top secret
03:06colonel saab telephone top secret
03:12top secret shut up
03:18what are you doing here i'm returning this book that the uh colonel led me sergeant major
03:22it's a rather amusing little treatise on the later 17th century metaphysical poets
03:26get out
03:29the colonel will not be long sir uh shall we give you a tinkle back sir
03:33ah no no no keep the line open oh certainly sir
03:37what sort of weather has you been obtaining down there in delhi
03:42the reynolds here
03:43uh standish here military intelligence delhi now look what i have to say to you is top secret
03:50and nobody must hear us i see uh move further away will you sir
03:56now uh take this down
04:01not too tight and not too close
04:22right quite ready sir now in 48 hours time i want you and your entire unit to go to the following
04:31location
04:34three cheers for
04:38now this is absolutely top secret and on no account must it go any further than this room
04:42is
04:56the other side of that square
04:57the double this is top secret
04:59that's what you can see if you're going to get most frightfully muggy in here without that punk
05:14wallets waft the air about good point ash would you pull the string yes
05:17yes
05:21now ghq denny have got wind of a plot to assassinate the maharajah of burra poor
05:27i'm the gilbert the filbert but not with the k for the pride of piccadilly
05:33aswell what on earth you doing i'm punkering sir whatever for because you ordered me to punker
05:40sir yes but i didn't order you to sing gilbert the filbert
05:43i don't know any indian punker songs oh thank goodness for that silly ass come inside
05:47now
05:54g h q cannot send troops to guard the maharajah because that might enrage the other faction
06:03oh yes sir the other fraction it still happens that it's his birthday so they're sending us along
06:08to give him a show now the crafty part about this is we appear to be a concert party but we are in
06:14reality proper troops that's a mother of opinion sir well it's up to you sergeant to bring them up to
06:21scratch i mean this might be quite a nasty business give them plenty of practice on the rifle range
06:26polish up their bayonet drill and we leave for the maharajah's palace in 48 hours ah oh excuse me sir
06:35is we going uh by rail or on the three tunnel neither we go by riverboat oh and uh remember not one word
06:42to the men till we get there this whole mission is absolutely hush what are you doing there do
06:51not worry colonel sarve your secret is totally safe i'm entirely hush excuse me sir
07:01bearer has that child waller and punker wall have been listening to no no no no sergeant
07:06me to sarve promised they were not listening they were packing for riverboat
07:15a long long trail a winding into the land of my dream
07:24what is buying you gonna boom on i'm still seasick seasick seasick that was but a trout's dream
07:31people have no conception of how sensitive i am do you know i was prostrate for three days after
07:38us all anchors away shut up you sure this is the maharajah's palace i mean it should be
07:45sir caught that indian boy down the jetty he was very friendly towards me sir he asked me if i'd like
07:50to meet his sister how dare you bring that dirty hornet in this palace
07:58pull yourself jelly summer great so luca and ganda had this me up because of the deal
08:02they are every day 30 bellers
08:04move yourself
08:09now put it down there chaps come on i'll be very careful
08:12that way's that son what you expect is full of rifles and ammo my dresses have been crushed
08:21beyond all recognition
08:24if we hadn't left the camp five minutes before parky's foresight to punch in my mate west
08:28boom
08:30i think we ought to announce our presence anybody around anybody around
08:37heck oh sir i don't think there's anybody here sir
08:41here lofty look at him collars
08:44they have right big poodles here don't they sergeant
08:48oh sergeant major sub these are not for doggies oh no no
08:51they are for tigers to guard maharajas out tigers oh they're not loose no no don't get it
08:58to rectical why don't we feel them and see if they're warm
09:04that's a good idea university education and a bonnet feel them collars
09:10it was his idea
09:11they're all cold and clangy that would be your hand sab because like me you are very big coward
09:25my this come from a big sunday joint
09:28i should put that down if i was you sugar you don't want one of them tigers come back and find
09:32you fiddling with his dinner obviously the tigers are not here now so there's hardly anything to worry
09:39about now how do we get it girls up there is one gong i'll give it a bear someday off you go
09:44sugnan
10:03you horrible little man what are you
10:06i'm a horrible little man sergeant major indeed you his now you will pay for that out of your own
10:11pocket butt of damages move his hand with himself so let me just up there is one knob here for
10:16pulling belt well done bella do you want me to give it a tug i don't think you should he's done
10:22enough for one day i shall occurs with that sir i shall attend to it personal
10:26there's nobody there sir
10:42girls up there is also a speaky thing oh so there is that's obviously the way they expect us to get in
10:47touch with them yes you have a girls i'd rather thank you sir be most careful there may be creepy
10:54crawly things down there that will bite you dead yeah sergeant major
11:02if there's any creepy crawly things down there they better hang on to their hearts
11:05anybody homer i know there is nobody home sir
11:23colonel sir i can get nasty footsteps coming to dark right stand to attention chaps
11:27good afternoon i'm colonel reynolds and this is the royal artillery concert party
11:37what was all that about colonel sir you say that played man entrance is round back side
11:44i'll give him tradesman's entrance steady sergeant major the whole palace might fall down
11:49so i'm right sir for being discournese as to a british officer
11:52well something wrong you seems to work sir
11:59who's gonna pay for that man
12:04are you taught your mashup oh yes i say we are the royal artillery concert party
12:09and we're here for the maharaja's birthday to do a sort of turn
12:12and we're here for the maharaja's birthday to the maharaja's birthday
12:15captain's up he says please to come in oh it's better come on chef all right come on
12:19you lovely boys smart yourself up see the model raja
12:25it's not very home is it shut up
12:28you guys are waiting here raja-sabh kawate hojada
12:31daya nele kengi doting in metai jangy
12:34girl's up he says will you please to wait because his excellency will be here within two or three days
12:43well what do we do now sir
12:45charlie get them charlie charlie they're in there
12:54all the hell did you get in here through trade men doors up
12:58earlofty look what's happened to them guard dogs
13:04don't touch me
13:05sergeant major if we had just come here to do a show why is my dress basket full of rifles
13:17and why have we been doing all that wretched bayonet fighting
13:21wretched bayonet fighting
13:23well mr lardy dar gunner graham i is sorry if i has put you out by making you behave like a proper
13:28soldier but it just so happens that in the next 48 hours you may well have to defend yourself
13:33what we're buying it the audience is here must be worse than glasgow
13:39i enjoy a challenge
13:41my dear but while we're waiting i think i'll put the chaps in the picture very good
13:45sir for sergeant major the curl's going to put the chaps in the picture
13:48oh right pay attention gather round your commanding officer is going to address you
13:53not you not you can't you have your stinking even drive out of you all right sergeant major
13:57sob we will be disappearing like greasy lightning
13:59what's going on you noisy parkers colonel sahab is going to tell all chappies some top whole
14:05secrets about wicked plot to assassinate maharajas
14:11move yourself
14:14there's absolutely nothing to worry about but apparently there's a secret plot to assassinate
14:19the maharaja now the british don't hold with that sort of thing so we've been sent here to protect
14:24him and if necessary with our lives well i don't help with that sort of thing i think that's all you
14:31need to know at the moment excuse me curl sir curl sir you have forgotten most important top is secret
14:38about maharaja sahab's son oh of course
14:45they suspect that the plot will be led by the maharaja's son and also curl sir most important
14:50maharaja sahab is coming to front door and roll rice right get probably back then move yourself
14:57yourself start from your knees calm down move yourself
15:03good afternoon sire your excellency oh reynolds sorry i wasn't here to welcome you myself
15:12where is my servant uh he's not here at the moment uh we found a bit of difficulty in getting hold of
15:17him actually really yes he is a bit sluggish wake yourself up pandit do you do you must be rather
15:31tired after your journey do you fancy some snooker how about you ashford well a cup of tea will be
15:37absolutely marvelous game of snooker indeed thank you i never touched it no i'm not much of a hand either
15:43i beg your pardon sir i would be uh honored to give his majesty a frame or two if he's in the mahoon
15:49excellent
15:53snooker kittayari cardo
15:57call yes
16:01tails your best
16:04you great time very good sir
16:06i mean one of them q's gonna be a moment
16:14so i'm going to be a moment
16:23sir sir permit me to do chalky
16:34uh serge may i'd let him win if i will
16:38he's not a hoarder sir and more or less yes sir would you care to back your man with a hundred
16:45rupees colonel no thanks i've seen him play he's awfully good i'll back him to win for a hundred
16:53rupees ashwood i right take him can i have a word with you sir yes what do i do know you couldn't draw
17:01i suppose could you when you are ready your majesty
17:12are your boy hasn't left it too easy for your majesty indeed not pandit stand by
17:31so
17:38he said good shot
17:42you see that sir humor him sad man i see it wasn't that cheating a bit ignore it
17:48asher
17:56i just have a brother check in line
17:58he said my father is playing top hole well today
18:03bit of a fluke if you ask me
18:05i never played like this before sir not even in swansea
18:12i say it's a bit of a rum do isn't it take no notice
18:18oh my word your majesty tough taters
18:23i thought he was going to get that one then
18:24your majesty has left me a bit of a sitting duck i knew would you care for a hundred rupees
18:31so i take it sergeant major money in a bank sir right i'll take it capital
18:42major saab
18:51aapka nasib kaam nahi kara he say bad luck
18:57excuse me for saying so your majesty but hugh is cheating
19:15i think that's a bit strong that's quite right
19:20pandit how often have i told you not to do that with your right hand
19:27i forfeit my turn your play
19:30yes well that is a bit of a tricky one in it
19:32sergeant major
19:34why didn't you get rangy to clear the way for it with a little brush
19:37little smart boy university education
19:44your majesty uh would you mind uh if our man borrows you a little brush for a minute
19:48oh certainly
19:50you are too kindly
19:53you knows what to do bearer oh yes sir
20:07what do you do that for when sheepies are down i'm totally loyal indian
20:22especially when man is standing behind me and is breaking knife into my backside
20:26oh that will be my son he's good on the trumpet isn't he
20:34shut up you'll excuse me i must welcome him and escort him to the guest lodge come pandit
20:43i reckon he was cheating you
20:46you hear that ashwood the sun has arrived we better get on the radio and get in touch with intelligence
20:50denny right i joined the army yesterday so the army of today is all right
20:59you getting anything ashwood well i think it's sort of alive sir
21:04how are you getting on with the procedure book sergeant major
21:06well the code word for uh concert party sir is conpar
21:10conpar and all commanding officers is sunray so that makes you sunray conpar
21:15sunray compa what a pretty name i want to get in touch with the commanding officer intelligence
21:23delhi oh well i'll be uh sunray in telly delhi sir right go ahead hello
21:31sunray compa calling sunray in telly delhi over can you hear anything yes he says sunray in telly delhi
21:39calling sunray compact well tell him we said it first that means he can hear you sir he does oh good
21:51now what is the code word for the sun has arrived sun has arrived sun sun has arrived sir flew puff
22:00what was that flew puff sir you can see it well try it ashwood hello sunray compa calling sunray in
22:15telly delhi flew puff what does he say he's gone off the air perhaps he took it personally
22:25there's an indian chappy on the line now there's an indian chappy on the line now vera
22:30get them uniforms on hello hello hello how are you sab he say which flew puff
22:48which flew puff he probably means which sun has arrived sir ask him how many flew puffs there are
22:57kidnap loop of heavy huh what's up he says there are seven suns that's a lot of float puffs
23:05ask him which sun is going to kill the fuck i said out so no concert loop of apna bath body god huh
23:17girl sub he says the sun was a gun huh and sabby say more he said one of the sun's wives will have
23:26a weapon hidden under her sari well what's all a weapon get him got their hookah huh oh
23:38you say a knife and a mother must be protected at all costs yeah and he say if necessary one of you
23:47must throw yourself in front of maharaja's heart i see well it's all absolutely crystal clear
23:55as you know someone's out to kill the maharaja but the whole question is who is going to make the
24:00attempt on his life will it be the wife with the knife
24:05or will it be done by the son with the gun
24:12many sons are arriving outside and they are having with them their most beautiful wives
24:17for talking to musibah jabi atia cutty atia troubles never come single don't be such clever dicky
24:26come on actually we better go and look him over uh subject major find somebody to act as personal
24:30bodyguard to the maharaja right right now i know full well that each and every one of you wants to
24:47guard the maharaja so i will select the volunteer
24:57gunner beaumont well i'd love to do it really i would
25:01only thing is in the excitement of it all i might well run away i'll do it sergeant major
25:08good boy brave lad ship off the old block eh
25:23shoulders back boy find better shoulders show them off
25:28unfortunately he was too young let us consider mr lardy dog and a graham well it's not quite my cup
25:37of tea sergeant major it's my cup of tea sergeant major it is not none of you are cups of tea because
25:44people who are sarsinates moderators is not going to be put off by a group of puffs
25:50if someone takes a shot at him with a gun i don't see what we can do sergeant i'll tell you what you
25:56can do you can move fast like a bat out of there that's what you can do and if you does not you will
26:01be on a ready fizzer but i is grateful to you nobby for pointing out the qualifications what is required
26:08the man selected must not only move like lightning he must have a body what will offer most resistance
26:13to high velocity projectiles and bullets a bullet would go right through you wouldn't it yes sergeant
26:29a pea shooter will go right through you wouldn't it yes sergeant major
26:32you is possible eyes front rob roy
26:54you is even more possible
27:02what are we here
27:15stand up sugden i said stand up because i is going to measure you with qualifications
27:28beautiful beautiful
27:30you is the winner
27:35gunner sugden you is going to have the honor of guarding the mara raja and does you know why
27:41no sergeant major i will tell you because you may not be the quickest but he was definitely the thickest
27:48now pay attention gunner sugden tonight you will be at instant readiness the old time to defend
27:57the mara raja with your body at least it the danger you must throw yourself between him and the would-be
28:05the asylum
28:08is that clearly understood
28:10It is clearly understood. Check a bucket of water over that man. Tell him to get practising.
28:19Will lofty Saab's body be thick enough to stop the assailant's bullet?
28:29And will our heroes find the son with the gun or the wife with the knife in time to save Maharaja Saab's life?
28:36Listen in and watch out for next week's thrilling installment.
29:06The boys are here, the boys to entertain you. B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:15The boys are here, the boys to entertain you. B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:32End of hope and glory. Mother of the...
Comments