- 2 days ago
The misadventures of a British Royal Artillery Concert Party unit stationed in based in Deolali in British India and the fictional village of Tin Min in Burma during the last few months of the Second World War.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:09With music and laughter to help you on your way, to raising the rafters with a hey, hey, hey.
00:15With songs and sketches and jokes old and new, with us about you and Phil Blue.
00:21So meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:26B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
00:45For the last time, Mohamed, will you stop pestering me?
00:47I'm not going to put you in the show and that is that.
00:50But, Saab, I have been bitten by the bug.
00:53Then you'd better go and see the M.O.
00:54No, Saab, show business bug.
00:58Once I was content to be a humble chawala, but being with you, my life has changed.
01:03I, too, want to be a star.
01:05I can do it.
01:06I know I can.
01:08Listen, Saab.
01:09On with the matali and the painting and the powdering.
01:15The people paying thee and wanting your love, you know.
01:24Where is it?
01:26Where is it?
01:27Where's what?
01:28Dying water buffalo.
01:29I want to give the Colonel spare ribs and one ton tonight.
01:32You damn coolly cook.
01:34That was me singing.
01:36Oh, boy.
01:37Now I have to think of something else for the Colonel's supper tonight.
01:39Get on, provider!
01:42Come on, move yourself, move yourself, drop, drop, drop.
01:44You should be there by now.
01:45Do them buttons, sir.
01:45Come on, come on, move yourself.
01:47You, Salchdale, Stamframanese, squad, China!
01:53The men are ready for inspection, sir.
01:55Do I have to inspect them?
01:56I see them every day.
01:59I think you ought to, sir.
02:01I mean, it's good for their morale.
02:03It makes them think you care, sir.
02:04But I don't care.
02:05They're such a shower.
02:06All right, well, let's make it quick, Ashford.
02:10You inspect the back, I'll inspect the front.
02:12Right, sir.
02:20What's it like at the back?
02:21Terrible.
02:22So it is at the front.
02:24I don't think we should make an issue of it, do you?
02:26Yes, it's far too hot.
02:27Excuse me, sir.
02:28I think you should inspect a few individuals.
02:30All right, Ashford.
02:36You've got your hat on back to France!
02:42You shave today, Graham?
02:43Yes, Sergeant Major.
02:44Well, in future, try and get your chin to match your head.
02:49What's this?
02:50How dare you come on parade with a button missing, Parkins?
02:53He's got a very big chest, sir.
02:54You see, they do make shirts to fit a man of his calibre,
02:56but he has got lovely shoulders.
02:57How you notice, sir?
02:58Shoulders back lovely.
02:59Oh, sure, they're good, it was jolly.
03:00He's got shoulders, sir.
03:02What's that under your trousers, Mr Macintosh?
03:03It's my sparring, sir.
03:10It's my sparring under your trousers.
03:12You wear it over your kilt.
03:14It is over my kilt, sir.
03:16Under my trousers.
03:18I was rehearsing the new Harry Lauder number.
03:20Stop your tickling jock.
03:26You've got blue eyes, my dear.
03:30Thank you, sir.
03:31Actually, they're more sort of a quinge.
03:32No, no, no, the lids.
03:33It's the lids.
03:35And you've got lipstick on.
03:36You're wearing make-up.
03:38I'm sorry, sir, I've run out of cold cream.
03:40Put in a requisition for some, sir, Dmitter.
03:45I've already put a requisition in, sir,
03:47for some hand grenades.
03:49Well, add on the cold cream.
03:51Want me to do it with some more powder puffs, please?
03:55You got that, sir, Dmitter?
03:56Yes, sir.
03:58Hand grenades, cold cream,
04:00powder puffs.
04:01I'll find a milk in a small loaf.
04:04Shut up!
04:08Right, stand at ease, will you?
04:10Not a very good turnout, men.
04:14I mean, I know you're entertainers,
04:15but don't forget you are soldiers as well.
04:17Let me take him out the jungle for a week, sir.
04:19I'll soon make soldiers.
04:20All right, certainly, all right.
04:21Now, Major Grant Hopkirk,
04:23the divisional entertainment officer,
04:25is coming to see the show on Thursday,
04:27and it's got to be good.
04:28He wasn't very happy about it last time.
04:30Excuse me, sir.
04:31What will happen if he doesn't like the show, sir?
04:33We could be disbanded.
04:34Yes, they're cutting back all round.
04:36The war's costing more than they thought.
04:39Anyway, Major Grant Hopkirk is a true blue Englishman,
04:42so if you take my tip,
04:43you do the sort of stuff that he goes for.
04:46We can do tribute to the few.
04:47It's full of lovely English songs.
04:49Excellent.
04:50One very important thing.
04:52We must have a good audience.
04:54Leave it to me, sir.
04:55I will select a audience
04:57that will give them English songs
04:59a really big reaction.
05:01Thank you, sir.
05:31Thank you, fellas. And thank you, Gunner Evans.
05:35He certainly tears them up, eh? Eh? Eh? Eh?
05:40Well, that's the way it goes, fellas. Eh? Eh?
05:45Well, now, Gunner Clark is going to give you his impression of George Formby,
05:50so take it away, Professor.
05:52Oh, Mr. Will, what can I do?
06:03Where have you been, Mohammed?
06:05Selling tea to the audience. They have bought my entire stock of buns. Look!
06:10Listen, sweetheart, you can either be in the show or sell tea. You cannot do both.
06:14Please don't be angry, Gloria, sir. I'm so grateful that you have given me this chance.
06:19He's very good. I only put you in the tribute to the few because we haven't got enough people.
06:23Hey, Gloria, the audience, they ain't half tough.
06:26Mm?
06:28Have a look when someone made you go on up, Curtis. Did you look pleased?
06:35There's a happy smile on his face, but his eyes are closed and he's asleep.
06:40No, he never could hold an audience. I should have gone on myself. I could have done my any canter.
06:45What a torn him up.
06:46You like your gag about Nush, eh?
06:49Big pardon?
06:50Gunner Evans. He certainly tears them out. We're as flat as a pancake.
06:54And you lost your bottle?
06:56Aye. You went, aye, aye, aye. You always go, aye, aye, aye.
07:01When you've lost your bottle and cannae think of what to say next.
07:04And your face goes all blank.
07:05How dare you?
07:06I'm a professional artist. I do not lose my bottle. My face does not go blank.
07:11Flipping amateurs.
07:12We'll sort this out later. Just hurry up and get ready.
07:14Stand by with the machine gun effects arson.
07:18Ah, tribute to the not-so-many.
07:21Tribute to the few, you damn ignorant bully cook.
07:24Major Grant Hopkirk enjoying the show, Major?
07:27It's hard to tell, sir.
07:45Better go and see. He's all right.
07:53Enjoying the show, Major?
07:57Don't worry. It gets much better as it goes on.
07:59Good, because I don't see how it could possibly get any worse.
08:02The audience don't seem very enthusiastic, sir, Major.
08:10Never mind. It's the scene with all the English songs in it next.
08:12That'll get them going.
08:13I think we can rely on that, sir.
08:15Now, the Royal Artillery Concert Party proudly present a tribute to the few.
08:27In 1940, things looked grim for dear old England.
08:36The skies above the white cliffs of Dover were black with German planes.
08:42Where would we have been without those brave English boys in blue?
08:47The R.A.F.
08:48And where would we have been without dear old Winnie?
09:13In the field of human conflict,
09:16was so much owed by so many
09:18to so few.
09:24Lord of the heavens above
09:29Answer our prayers
09:33God keep old England, sons
09:38Lords of the air
09:42England, our island,
09:46and home
09:46Land of the free
09:50England,
09:53England unconquered yet
09:55Or land and sea
09:59Unconquered yet?
10:01I'm fed up hearing about England
10:02Conquered?
10:04We beat the hell out of them at Bannockburn
10:05If they say they'll always be in England
10:08Then they are going to hear a few words from me
10:11Keep our England sons
10:13Keep our England sons
10:13Lords of the air
10:18Dad
10:22Come on
10:22standards
10:23I love you
10:23To say they'll always be in the Bahamas
10:27When they weren't forgiven they're in England
10:31They're going to be very well
10:32They're going to see a few words from me
10:33They're going to be fine
10:34That's the first one
10:35Yeah!
10:35No!
10:36One wonder if they're going to be sociology
10:37What the hell is to repair yourself with Ham?
10:37They're going to be fine
10:38Whenever they're going to be in the first floor
10:39Yes!
10:39What about the country?
10:39And the millones
10:40They hurt. This English are too good for you.
10:57There will always be an English
11:01While there's a country living
11:04I'm in Scotland!
11:06I'm in Scotland!
11:09What's the matter with the audience?
11:13I have really no idea, sir.
11:15It's strange. Where did you get them from?
11:17Round and about, sir.
11:19What units are they?
11:21Gordon Highlanders.
11:23Highlanders?
11:25You knew we were doing the English scene.
11:27English? I thought he said Scotch. That's why I got the Gordon Highlanders.
11:30You did this deliberately, sir.
11:31Pure misunderstanding, sir.
11:33You must admit the word Scotch in English is very similar.
11:37Through the Empire too
11:39We can depend on you
11:41Freedom remains, sees all the chains
11:43Nothing can break
11:45There will always be an England
11:49And the law must be an England
11:51As long as Scotland fights its battles
11:53You saucen-off poops!
11:55You saucen-off poops!
12:05Alamoom! Your own Alamoom!
12:09You saucen-off poops!
12:11You saucen-off poops!
12:13You saucen-off poops!
12:15You saucen-off poops!
12:17You saucen-off poops!
12:19You saucen-off poops!
12:20This is a disgrace.
12:21Can't you do something, Colonel?
12:22Uh, get in there and stop them, sir Major.
12:24Sorry, sir.
12:25King's regulations clearly state
12:27That if violence breaks out
12:29Warrant officers and MCOs
12:31Will not get involved
12:33However
12:35There is exceptions
12:37Stop it! Stop it at once!
12:39Do you help?
12:41I don't think there's much we can do here there!
12:43I quite agree, sir!
12:45It's all your fault
12:47We're selling them buns!
12:49There's a bloody one, anyway!
12:51Business is business, sir!
12:53Marius!
12:55I don't need a jowling!
12:57Take that man's name, Tarzan reader!
12:59Oh!
13:01Oh!
13:03Oh!
13:05Oh!
13:07Oh!
13:09Oh!
13:13Oh!
13:15Oh!
13:16Oh, oh!
13:17Can Rose, you play something soon, then?
13:19Oh!
13:21Little old lady
13:24What?
13:27Oh, she has got so soon
13:31Excuse me!
13:33Oh, that is...
13:34Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
13:38What a wife, a good group.
13:47Wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm on your side.
13:50I support Rangers.
13:51Too bad, son. I support Celtic.
14:02Come here, darling.
14:08Where's Colonel Reynolds?
14:12He's gone to GX Chew to make a report on the riot, sir.
14:15I can't wait. Get the men on parade, Sergeant Major.
14:17Sir! Don't worry, you heard what the officer said.
14:19I said I will put that thing around our craft.
14:21Come on, come on, do them buttons up.
14:23I'm not going to be the Wattbush, Captain.
14:27I'll take over. Thank you, Sergeant Major.
14:29Now, listen to me very carefully.
14:33I'm going to give it to you straight from the shoulder.
14:35Sir, you are the worst show I have ever seen in my life.
14:43You are a bunter as like George Formby as my backside.
14:49And you, you call yourself a singer.
14:52You've got a thin, puny voice that can't be heard past the first tree.
14:56And has it ever occurred to you that you're very short?
14:58Eh? Eh?
15:01And you with a bald head.
15:02Make the piano sound like a Jew's harp.
15:05He's anti-Semitic as well.
15:06Shut up!
15:07And you, the ventriloquist.
15:10For your information, the dummy's lips are supposed to move, not yours.
15:14Yes, very confusing.
15:15Shut up!
15:16The charballer here is the only artist amongst you.
15:19I thought he was jolly good as that Nazi pilot.
15:22What's more, he makes a damn fine cup of tea.
15:23But as for you, the so-called producer and female impersonator, you're not a female impersonator.
15:33You're a...
15:34You're a...
15:35Poofs.
15:35What did you think of my paper-tearing?
15:47I'll tell you what I think of your paper-tearing.
15:50Do you see this?
15:53This is a list of your engagements for the next month.
16:03Voila!
16:05They are cancelled.
16:06As from 1,200 hours today, this concert party is disbanded, finished, and you all go back
16:13to active service.
16:14Carry on, Sergeant Major.
16:15Sir!
16:18Good morning, Colonel.
16:19Good morning.
16:20Captain Ashwood will explain everything to you.
16:25Explain what, Ashwood?
16:26We've been disbanded, sir.
16:29We've been disbanded?
16:31What on earth are we going to do?
16:32No problem, sir.
16:34Tomorrow morning, first thing, I'll start them on jungle training.
16:53Keep them down!
16:54Keep them down!
16:56You're mad!
16:58Totally mad!
17:11Let us hang down!
17:13What is it, Sergeant Major?
17:15Get your head down!
17:23Just stop all that!
17:24Stop, sir?
17:25Let's just get in the hang of it!
17:27We've been intrigued!
17:28Major Grant Hopcock's been posted!
17:30Yes, he's got his entertainment advisor, to General Chen Kai-shek.
17:34The concert party has already been disbanded, sir!
17:36The new chap who's taken over wants to make his own mind up, sir.
17:39No more jungle training!
17:41Just one more go, sir.
17:42I've got plenty of ammunition.
17:45Sir!
17:46The men need it, sir!
17:48The men need it!
17:48Hey!
17:48I've got to give it, sir!
17:50I've got to give it!
17:50We've got to have it!
17:52I can't leave anything to chance, Ashwood.
17:55Sergeant Major, we've got to do everything we can to improve the show.
18:00Sergeant Major, the new entertainers officer, Major Fawcett, is coming to see the show on Friday.
18:05Well, let's hope that does not end in a riot as well, sir.
18:08That was caused by the dreadful rabble you got for an audience.
18:12With respect, sir, the Gordon Highlanders is a very fine body of men.
18:16It was merely showing their protuberance.
18:18What are you talking about, Sergeant Major?
18:23They were like wild animals.
18:25One of them threw a hand grenade.
18:29Didn't take the pen out, sir.
18:33Anyway, Major Fawcett is giving us one more chance.
18:36Tell Bombardier Bermott I want to see him, will you?
18:37Sir.
18:40I can't think that putting me in the show is going to help a lot, sir.
18:44It will, Ashwood.
18:45It will have great style.
18:46Do you know, I think you do one of the finest James Caddys I've ever seen.
18:51I'd like you to do it for me.
18:52Oh, I can't.
18:53I feel as to fool.
18:54No, do it.
18:55Do it.
18:56That is an order.
18:58Very well, sir.
19:00You dirty rat.
19:03You dirty rat, you.
19:07That is fantastic.
19:11How do you do it?
19:12Well, it's observations, sir.
19:15What does it say, mister?
19:16Yes, you've heard the news about the show next week.
19:18Yes, sir.
19:19And I've got some wonderful ideas.
19:20So have I.
19:20I'm putting Captain Ashwood into the show.
19:23Beg your pardon?
19:25Well, he does these marvellous impersonations.
19:26Go on, Ashwood.
19:27Show him.
19:27And you as a professional artiste, I want your frank opinion.
19:30All right?
19:30Yes, sir.
19:32Go ahead, Ashwood.
19:34You dirty rat.
19:35You dirty rat, you.
19:39What do you think?
19:40I'll try to be constructive.
19:42Let me show you.
19:44You dirty rat.
19:45You tell us how to cheat, steal, and kill.
19:48And then you land down on us.
19:50I mean, for you, we might have been ding-dings on a street car.
19:53And now you're dirty double-crossing, right?
19:55You are going to get away from coming to you.
19:57Okay?
19:58No, you try.
20:01You dirty rat.
20:03You dirty rat.
20:06Try to get the mouth the right shape.
20:08You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you.
20:12You dirty rat, you, you.
20:16Yes, coming along, Ashwood.
20:18Why didn't you do Jack Holbert?
20:20It's perfectly simple.
20:21The fly squawked up the window, they've not in our hospital.
20:26They've come in the thousands and came down two by two.
20:31I do think I've got the chin for that, sir.
20:34Why don't you try schnozzer-doranty?
20:37Sitting up my piano the other day.
20:39I've got a million of them.
20:42Hot-ta-ta, hot-ta-ta, hot-ta-ta.
20:45What's the matter?
20:46My neck's gone.
20:49She went for it.
20:49She did too many hot-ta-ta.
20:53Don't worry, sir.
20:54You can still be in the show.
20:56Put you in a bath chair and you can come on his line of Barrymore.
21:01Gloria.
21:01Yes?
21:02When we do the show next week, there are a couple of things I want to ask you.
21:04What's that?
21:06Oh, good afternoon.
21:07Are you looking for someone?
21:08Oh, good afternoon, kind sir.
21:11My name is Mr. Patel.
21:13I run a small shop in the village.
21:16And I play the piano with jolly amazing dexterity.
21:20Thank you for getting here so promptly, Mr. Patel.
21:23Here is the music.
21:24What's going on here?
21:25I'm ready for my audition.
21:27Audition?
21:28For the last time, you are not going in the show.
21:30The Colonel-Sob has given me permission to do an audition.
21:33Oh, has he?
21:33What's the thing about that?
21:34Colonel Reynolds, sir?
21:40Yes?
21:41The charwaller said that you said he can do an audition.
21:44Yes, that's right.
21:45Tell Mr. Williams I want to see him, would you?
21:48I don't know what's going on around here.
21:49It's like amateur night in Dixie.
21:51Sergeant Major.
21:52Colonel Reynolds wants to see you, sir.
21:56All right.
21:57Sir.
21:59Sergeant Major, I thought of a little ploy.
22:01A little ploy, sir.
22:02Yes, it might carry weight with this new chap, Major Fawcett,
22:05if we put a number in the show that would appeal to Indian troops.
22:08What are you going to do, charwaller?
22:10A scene from English drama by Noel Coward, Colonel Sab.
22:15Here, that is going to do Noel Coward, Sergeant Major.
22:17Very brave, sir.
22:18Carry on, charwaller.
22:19Thank you, Colonel Sab.
22:21You are most kind.
22:22Colonel Reynolds, I must...
22:23Shut up!
22:29What are you doing here, Jasmina?
22:32On my honeymoon.
22:36Oh, what a jolly coincidence.
22:39So am I.
22:40Are you happy?
22:42Exquisitely.
22:43Are you?
22:46Excruciately.
22:46That pianist has a very small repertoire.
22:52How dare you insult my repertoire.
22:55I am playing what you are asking me to play.
22:58It is in the play, you damn fool.
23:02Strange how potent cheap music is.
23:06What are you talking about cheap?
23:09You are paying me six rupees.
23:10It is in the play.
23:12Play.
23:19Someday I'll find you.
23:22Moonlight behind you.
23:25Through to the dream I am dreaming.
23:30As I draw near you,
23:33you smile, a little smile.
23:35Oh, that was a very good idea.
23:37Stop him, only Baba dear.
23:39Thank you very much.
23:40And again,
23:41I live on the...
23:43Thank you very much.
23:43Leave it to me, sir.
23:44Shut up!
23:50We'll let you know.
23:52We'll let you know.
23:54Right, chaps,
23:55we've got exactly a week
23:56before Major Fawcett comes to see the show
23:58and it's got to be good.
23:59Don't worry, sir,
24:00we won't let you down.
24:01I've got this wonderful idea
24:02for a new number.
24:03It's called
24:03A Pretty Girl is Like a Melody.
24:06It'll knock them cold.
24:07I'll do it just like that
24:08Busby Barclay film
24:09with a giant wedding cake
24:11and a huge staircase.
24:13I have an ear for music
24:26and I have an eye for a maid
24:29I link a pretty girlie
24:32with each pretty tune that's played
24:35They go together
24:37like sunny weather
24:40What happened to the huge staircase?
24:42I think it shranks them.
24:44I've got the music
24:46So I'm qualified to say
24:50A pretty girl
24:53Like the melody
24:58That haunts you
25:02Night and day
25:05Just like a strange
25:11A haunting refrain
25:15She'll start off
25:18and I'll wait
25:23Look at her
25:24She's in the room for me
25:31By morning
25:33I'll send you
25:36She will leave you
25:41When the band comes back again
25:47A pretty girl is just like a pretty tune
25:54A pretty girl
25:58Is like a melody
26:03That haunts you night and day
26:11Just like this strain
26:13Strain
26:14Of the haunting refrain
26:17Fray
26:18She'll start
26:20La-la-la-la-la
26:24No, no, no, no
26:29Can he talk to you
26:30Oh, he said you'll never leave
26:35Yeah, I can do
26:39Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
27:13I took a few seconds time, you shall now take it.
27:15Are you going to ask him, sir, or shall I?
27:17I'll pop the question to him.
27:19No, no, no, I'll ask him.
27:21Go on, Major.
27:23Have you come to a decision?
27:25Hmm?
27:27Have you come to a decision about disbanding the concert party?
27:29I don't know what you're worried about.
27:31I think they're sweet.
27:33Such a nice boy.
27:39All I think is feeling very close.
27:45My neck and I slow my heart in.
27:47Your voice is young to dance,
27:49The music and họp in,
27:51That has toate the world,
27:53To break these mornings and say, hey, hey, hey!
27:55The songs and stairs
27:58ners of joining youtube
27:59You heard that you saw a -,
28:02Come realize the voice and ahem,
28:04The voice that went to dance,
28:06You.
28:08We're here to make an event, so give us a cheer with a hey, hey, hey.
28:13Just gather around and put down your gun.
28:16With us around, there's plenty of fun.
28:19So meet the gang, cause the boys are here.
28:22The boys to entertain you.
28:25P-O-P-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
28:29P-O-P-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
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29:39
27:35
29:57
25:11
29:02
29:35