- 6 months ago
The misadventures of a British Royal Artillery Concert Party unit stationed in based in Deolali in British India and the fictional village of Tin Min in Burma during the last few months of the Second World War.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:09With music and laughter to help you on your way, to raising the rafters with a hey, hey, hey.
00:15With songs and sketches and jokes on anew, with us about you and Phil Blue.
00:21So meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:26B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
00:33Oh, you great big butch idiots.
00:35Oh, look, Esther Williams never had death before, the sun are all over her arms.
00:40That's why Everton saw it, it still came through.
00:43Yeah, the best thing we tried was blank oak.
00:45Esther Williams with blank oak arms.
00:47I can't go on, my nerves are enshrined.
00:50Oh, what glorious Congress of Beauty.
00:53It is hard to believe it underneath your arm, man.
00:56Thank you, thank you, thank you.
01:07Thank you, folks, thank you, and thank you, Ganonoby-Clarke.
01:10And now, fellas, we say goodbye to the monastery garden and hello to Hollywood
01:14as we introduce you to all your favourite film lovelies.
01:18Take it away, Professor.
01:20Thank you, G-O-B-O-Y-S.
01:20Thank you, G-O-B-O-Y-S.
01:25Thank you, G-O-B-O-Y-S.
01:27Thank you, G-O-Y-S.
01:28A pretty girl is just like a pretty tune.
01:37A pretty girl is like you.
01:43Here she is, folks. Very grateful.
01:46She's as pretty as a picture.
01:47Nice frame.
01:53Nice to meet you.
01:56What a gal, folks.
01:57She's been married so many times, she's got rice marks.
02:07Change muscle, folks.
02:08I'll give you two good reasons why she got into pictures.
02:13No, seriously, folks. She used to work in a furniture factory, but she got the sack.
02:16She kept losing her drawers.
02:20Get off.
02:22Oh, Nicks.
02:23Get off.
02:26We away with comes after Ginger Rogers, you burk.
02:34Ginger Rogers, folks.
02:36What a nice gal.
02:37When we go out, we only talk about the weather.
02:39Whether she will or whether she won't.
02:40Yes, they look absolutely lifelike.
02:54The last, but I know he's least, Rita Haywood.
02:58Rita Haywood.
03:00They're calling Haywood.
03:01Oh, my calamity.
03:21Sorry, sorry.
03:23That's our box.
03:24Well, I'm sorry.
03:30Either park it goes or I go.
03:32He made me a laughingstock.
03:33They weren't laughing at you, Gloria.
03:35Just that they could see your bum.
03:38They could not.
03:40I'm a professional performer.
03:41I was wearing my drawers.
03:44Don't get steamed up.
03:45I'm not getting steamed up.
03:46Look, we're discussing the future of one of our fellow artistes.
03:49Sam!
03:49I bought you one beautiful, clean cup of tea.
03:52Oh, lovely.
03:52Fill him up.
03:53The Pialas are on the Joad.
03:54What's up?
03:56I mean, let's be fair.
03:57Park, he hasn't had much experience, but he does try hard.
04:00Musically speaking, he's a dead loss.
04:02No, I hate to agree with Petal here, but he is unprofessional.
04:07What do you think, Lofty?
04:09You haven't said much.
04:10He never does.
04:12Well, he's a nice boy.
04:15He writes to his mother every day.
04:19Nobby?
04:20Well, he hasn't got an act, has he?
04:22I mean, Noshariri, he does his paper tearing, and I do me funny...
04:25No, he doesn't.
04:27And I do me whistling, Solly.
04:29But he does nothing.
04:30He just hasn't got an act.
04:32We're a passenger!
04:32We're a passenger!
04:33We're a passenger!
04:36Sweep it up, Randy.
04:39In English, Sam!
04:40Sam!
04:41Why do you not teach him the juggling with the hands and the little pink balls, isn't
04:45it?
04:47Sam, if he was a performing feel, he'd forget to flap his flippers.
04:52Let's face it, fellas.
04:53I mean, I'm soft, aren't you?
04:54The same as the rest of you.
04:55But show business is tough.
04:56True.
04:57I mean, we all like him, but he is not an artist.
05:00And the way we are placed at the moment, we can't afford to carry passengers.
05:03I'm sorry, lads, but Parky, we'll have to go.
05:07I'm afraid so.
05:09He'll have to go.
05:10Oh, dear, oh, dear.
05:12That really has put pie dog among kite hawks.
05:15And Major Saab, I have got some terrible news about Gunna Parky, your son.
05:19Thought I told you never to mention that again.
05:25Saab, just one more time, I must mention.
05:27Because Solomon Saab is going to remove your most talented boy from concert party on account
05:34of everything he do is complete louse up.
05:36Melody.
05:42Lousey.
05:43Shut up!
05:44Shut up!
05:45Shut up!
05:49What else do you know?
05:50Well, Saab, then they will go to Colonel Saab, and they will make obesity.
05:55Then they will beg him to have Congress.
05:57And then they will ask him to give Gunna Parky boot, don't they?
06:01That's their game, is it?
06:03Yes.
06:04I'll soon settle there, Ash.
06:09Hang on.
06:10If my lad's out with a concert party, there's nothing to stop me having that lazy shower posted
06:15up the jungle.
06:16Well, but first of all, I've got to get my boy a nice, safe job.
06:22Battery Clark, for instance.
06:27Oh, how beautifully top-hole.
06:29Sergeant Major Saab loves me.
06:32Oh, ninety dollar, ninety dollar, ninety dollar.
06:42I think that one was a bit nose-heavy.
06:45Maybe you're right.
06:45I'll try a smaller paperclip.
06:47Allow me, sir.
06:47Ah, thank you.
06:51Beg your pardon, sir, I've been thinking there's a lot of extra work to do in a battery office
06:55these days, all these drafts to make up.
06:57I reckon we ought to have a battery clerk.
06:59Oh, first-class idea.
07:00What do you think, Ashford?
07:01Oh, absolutely, sir.
07:02Whom do you suggest?
07:03Oh, Gunna Park, well, I think Gunna Park is my bigger job, is it, sir?
07:06Well, he might.
07:06He's not much good at anything else, is he?
07:10No, sir.
07:11They've been rehearsing that song for weeks.
07:13He made an absolute shambles of it.
07:16Some men don't like dressing up as girls, sir.
07:19Why ever not?
07:22I thought it was a marvellous idea.
07:24I was really looking forward to it.
07:26If I hadn't seen him sniffing round that scraggy Queen Alexandra's nursing yeomanry sister,
07:31I'd have my suspicions about him.
07:35Well, let's give him a try.
07:36Fix it up, will you, Sergeant Major?
07:37Sure.
07:38That was a piece of cake.
07:43Now, as long as the colonel's sat here, he's not going to let the concert party get posted.
07:48I've got to get rid of him for a few days, and then there's only him to deal with.
07:53I can twist him round my little finger.
07:57He's a right berk.
08:03Bit of a teaser.
08:05That's it.
08:06Yeah.
08:08A right berk.
08:10All I need worry about is the colonel.
08:16Anything the matter, Sergeant Major?
08:17No, sir.
08:18I was just thinking, you've got a lot of responsibility in your job.
08:22Must weigh pretty heavy on your shoulders at times.
08:24Yes, it does, I suppose.
08:25No wonder you don't take a few days' leave, sir, up in the Murray Hills.
08:30I couldn't do that.
08:31Besides, I'm not very fond of the heroes.
08:33He needs some more bait on the yoke.
08:36Now, what's he short of?
08:39Crumpet, I shouldn't wonder.
08:43Mrs. Waddy Love Evans, sir.
08:45She was the same.
08:47M.O. sent her up the year's day before yesterday.
08:50Really?
08:52She was pretty cut up, I can tell you, sir.
08:53Because her husband, Major Waddy Love Evans, couldn't go with her.
08:58Really?
09:00Yes, I suppose some of that bracing mountain air would set me up a bit.
09:05Of course, sir.
09:08We all feel pretty badly about it, Michael.
09:12I never slept a wink.
09:15Not one wink.
09:17You snored a lot.
09:18Oh, sir.
09:19It's all right, Sully.
09:21I don't think I was cut out for it.
09:23I'll get all embarrassed at being a woman.
09:26Anyway, don't worry, sunshine,
09:27because I'm going to have a word with the Colonel,
09:29and we'll get your job backstage.
09:31Oh, thanks, Sully.
09:32Oh, so all is sweetness and joy,
09:35and everyone lives happy ever after, isn't it?
09:38Moodle, sir!
09:39No, it isn't.
09:42Yes, properly, Fallon!
09:44Simon, please, Moodle, sir, Moodle, sir!
09:45Stand still!
09:47Towards you!
09:48Good morning, sir, and gentle greetings.
09:50Shut up!
09:50Right, lovely boys.
09:55I have got news for you.
09:57Five minutes ago, a truck went up the road.
09:59And do you know what was in it?
10:03Do you know?
10:04No, Sergeant Major.
10:05It was not Mickey Mouse, was it?
10:06No, Sergeant Major.
10:07And it was not Nelson Eddy, was it?
10:09No, it's probably not, Sergeant Major.
10:10No, it's probably not, Sergeant Major.
10:12No, certainly not!
10:13It was your friend and mine, Colonel Arthur Digby, St. John Reynolds, R.A.
10:19And he will not be back for seven old days.
10:24But never mind, bombardier, he will carry memories of those wonderful shows you put on,
10:28and I hope he's got a long memory, because last night was your farewell performance.
10:30You're all posted at the jungle.
10:41The next show you give, you better sing real quiet,
10:45because them slant-eyed Japanese don't like English music.
10:47Get a parking?
10:54Sir?
10:56I'm afraid, shoulders back.
10:57Find better shoulders, show him off, show him off.
11:01Before he left, the Colonel personally selected you to be Battery Clark.
11:05Me, Sergeant Major?
11:06You.
11:07But I don't know anything about being a Battery Clark.
11:10If I say you're going to be a Battery Clark, you are going to be a Battery Clark.
11:13Yes, sir.
11:14Right, report to Battery Office.
11:16Yes, sir.
11:17The rest of you, report to the QM stores,
11:23and draw a beautiful new jungle kit.
11:27There's mess!
11:28Move yourself, move yourself!
11:36The ruddy jungle again.
11:39Already dead eight months.
11:42I shouldn't be here.
11:45My nerve won't stand it.
11:47What are we going to do, Solly?
11:50Yeah, what are we going to do?
11:53I don't know about you.
11:53I'm going sick.
11:54What about the rest of us?
11:56I'll think about that while I'm sick.
11:57You're not going to desert us.
12:00I'm going sick.
12:00No, no, I thought of it first.
12:02Well, there's still lots to see you go sick, Solly.
12:04That's fair.
12:05Sir, why don't you sing one of your tough old British songs to keep away the spirits?
12:11Like, back up your trouble in old Kent Road, isn't it?
12:14Shut up, Brangie.
12:17I should never have been past day one.
12:19That army doctor never liked me.
12:21And I know why.
12:22Because I'm a theatrical.
12:24People have got a down on theatricals.
12:26Just like that landlady in Salford.
12:28I knocked on her door and I said, could you put me up for a week?
12:31And she said, no, get out.
12:32I don't take theatricals.
12:33This is like the door, my face.
12:35Me, an artist.
12:36Oh, give it a rest, Gloria.
12:38Sir, excuse me, but all is not darkest before dawn.
12:42Because I have just thought of something most cunning and very naughty.
12:47Go on.
12:48Sir, 30 miles of railway line is one small town called Ahmednipur.
12:54And it has come to pass that Mohammed here has one very beautiful sister
12:58who has husband, who has father, who is telegraph operator there, sir.
13:03Now, sir, he is a very highly respected man.
13:05And everybody look up to him.
13:07But like many of us, he has weakness.
13:10What's that?
13:10Money.
13:13He is crooked.
13:15How dare you be calling my beautiful sister's husband's father crooked?
13:19Oh, shut up, you silly fellow.
13:20Would he not sell his grandmother for 100 rupees?
13:24Hey, Ranji.
13:24Hey?
13:25What's that?
13:29Oh, sir, you rabbit in a bag.
13:30Oh, no, sir.
13:31He say not possible for him to sell his grandmother for 100 rupees.
13:38Because he already sold her last week for 200 rupees.
13:44Not crooked.
13:45Very fair price.
13:47Sir, I will arrange for this man to send telegram which reads,
13:53whole posting is cancelled.
13:54Yeah, that's a great idea, Somi.
13:56That would be stupid.
13:57All postings come from GHQ.
13:58Also, sir, he will say, railway broken into several different pieces.
14:03Also, bubonic plague.
14:05Also, whole district put into gelantine.
14:12Quarantine.
14:13Ah.
14:14Sir, righty, rangy-rangy.
14:17Oh, gee, gelatine's the thing they cut your head off with.
14:20That's the guillotine, you burp.
14:25You know, fellas, it might just work.
14:27We only need a few days and then the colonel will be back.
14:29Ah.
14:30And, sir, all this for 100 rupees.
14:33100 rupees?
14:35But it is not for me, sir.
14:3690 is for him.
14:3880 is for my beautiful sister's husband's father, you see.
14:41That means he's keeping 10.
14:42But that is just, sir.
14:44After all, it is his beautiful sister's husband's father.
14:47Yeah, and you're keeping 10 and all, rangy.
14:49But, sir, I must speak to this man personally.
14:52Therefore, it is necessary for me to have train fare to travel on train.
14:55You won't pay it.
14:56You'll run on the buffers.
14:58Sir, a man may travel in this fashion so many times.
15:02But after that, it is written in the scriptures.
15:05He push his luck.
15:06Come on, fellas.
15:10Divvy up.
15:11Gloria, get my boy up.
15:17I have one vital telegram from station master at Mednapur.
15:21Do you think I ought to open it?
15:23Yes, sir.
15:24Because you're now imparting battery clarky, isn't it?
15:26Yeah.
15:33Blimey, it looks like a spider's crawled all over the page.
15:36Oh, no, sir.
15:36That is our beautiful Indian writing.
15:38Let me read it for you, huh, sir?
15:40Yeah, I think you better, Randy.
15:42Ah, sir.
15:50Most honorable, sir.
15:52Oh, what calamity.
15:53Ishtap.
15:54All trains.
15:56Ishtap.
15:56Ishtap.
15:581,000 Hindu lying all over track, being very civil disobedient.
16:03Oh, those damn natives, sir.
16:06What to do?
16:07I would drive train all over them.
16:10Also, severe breakout of bubonic plague and several other nasty things.
16:18Do not send troops through for one week.
16:22Yeah, that means the concert party won't be able to go.
16:25Have I?
16:26Oh, I'm glad about that.
16:27Because they've been real nice to me, you know, Randy.
16:29Yeah.
16:31What are you doing in the battery office?
16:32Honored, friend.
16:33Shut up!
16:34Hey.
16:37Gunner.
16:38What have you got by there?
16:39Uh, telegram, sir.
16:40Telegram?
16:41Yes, sir.
16:41I opened it in case it was urgent.
16:43You opened it!
16:45Good boy.
16:46That shows great initiative.
16:51I showed initiative when I was young.
16:54Oh, dear.
16:55Bubonic plague.
16:56Does that mean the concert party won't be able to go, sir?
16:59Oh, dear.
17:00They will be disappointed, won't they?
17:02But we can't have that, can we?
17:04We can't have them being disappointed.
17:07I've had every inoculation in the book.
17:10TAB, TT, cholera, yellow fever.
17:14That's the worst yet.
17:18I shan't be able to sing a note next week.
17:22Well, surely it hasn't gone to your throat.
17:24No, I can't do the actions.
17:28Bring him in here.
17:33I hit her badly.
17:36That'd be stupid.
17:37She passed out in the queue.
17:41I can't stand the sight of a needle.
17:43I never could.
17:44And I was a charm.
17:45My parents wouldn't take me to see the sleeping beauty.
17:48I can't stand hindsight.
17:50This would put me down.
17:54How am I going to do my Ginger Rogers?
17:58The great big hole was in me arm.
17:59You're not doing Ginger Rogers.
18:01You're going up the jungle.
18:02It's always after the war, isn't it?
18:06Well, get up.
18:07How are you feeling, lovely boys?
18:11Oh, they're all very sicky, Sergeant Major South.
18:14Oh, dear.
18:14How sad.
18:15Never mind.
18:16I'll bring you tidings of great comfort and joy.
18:24Now, when I got that telegram saying how all them trains was held up, I thought to myself,
18:27blow me, the boys will not be able to go.
18:29But I have triumphed over adversity.
18:35I have laid on a beautiful 1,500 weight truck, which will drive you right round.
18:39So you will not have to go through the area, what is said by some to have the plague.
18:47What do you have to have them jabs for, then?
18:51We've got to be on the safe side, haven't we?
18:54I mean, if anything was to happen to you before you got up that jungle, I'd never forgive myself.
19:00Now, depot orders clearly state that British other ranks will have four hours rest after bubonic plague inoculation.
19:07So you have four hours' lovely rest.
19:13And then!
19:17Report to the quartermaster stores, draw jungle grease, jungle ash, jungle boots, and them great big long jungle knives.
19:24Which will be such a help to you when you're racking your way through the jungle.
19:30And there's 1,400 hours beyond that truck.
19:34Malum?
19:35Malum.
19:37Give me some men who are stout, hearty men.
19:47Shoulder to shoulder.
19:51He's a very unattractive personality at times, isn't he?
19:56100 rupees, and look where it got us.
19:58Why, I am really regrettable, sir.
20:01Ah, never mind, Randy. It's not your fault.
20:03Anyway, you give me an idea.
20:04Well, sir, you're most welcome.
20:05Yeah, yeah, came to me while I was standing in the queue waiting for the needle.
20:08Oh, what'd you have to mention the needle again for?
20:11It's just getting better.
20:13Come on, Gloria, off that charfoy, we've got work to do.
20:15Ah, it's the other arm, shut up.
20:19This one's just come out in sympathy.
20:22Hold on to shoulder.
20:23Oh, great answer.
20:24I say, Sergeant Major.
20:29Sir?
20:30What's all this I hear about the concert party being posted?
20:32Uh, that is quite correct, sir.
20:35Well, that's a damn bad show.
20:36How did you let that happen?
20:38Well, you signed the order, sir.
20:40That's no excuse.
20:41I signed everything you put in front of me.
20:44You'll have to get them off the draft.
20:45Uh, well, uh, that wouldn't look too good at, uh, HQ, sir.
20:49Begging your pardon, but, uh, you might look a bit of a fool.
20:52Oh.
20:53We can't have that, can we?
20:54You can't have me looking a fool.
20:59Oh, best leave one alone, sir.
21:00I did wonder at the time what made you do it.
21:03It's extraordinary, isn't it?
21:04I can't think what came over me.
21:06I mean, it's not like me at all.
21:08The Colonel will be furious.
21:11My word, sir, look at the hower.
21:15Them, uh, charwallers will have their tea herns ready for inspection.
21:18I mustn't be late for that, sir.
21:19I found a dirty hern yesterday.
21:24What wonderful flowers.
21:27Yeah, aren't they marvellous?
21:29He must be a clever chap.
21:30I wonder who he can be.
21:32Anyone out there?
21:34Oh, stand at ease, chaps.
21:36Half noon, sir.
21:37We're just admiring these wonderful flowers.
21:39Oh, do you like them?
21:41Never said anything like it in my life.
21:43Just had my friend the bombardier here.
21:44Who on earth could grow flowers in a climate like this?
21:47Well, actually, it's me.
21:49You must have green fingers, sir.
21:51You're obviously a man of many talents, sir.
21:53Yes, I suppose I am, really.
21:56What a damn shame you chaps are leaving.
21:58Oh, well, sir, can't be helped.
21:59Mind you, it's a pity, because we was planning something really special, sir.
22:03Oh, really?
22:04Oh, yes.
22:04Oh, you'd better come round and tell me about it, sir.
22:06Oh, yeah.
22:10Oh, my dear Solomon!
22:20My dear Solomon?
22:22You!
22:23Have you seen any sign in that concert party shower?
22:25They should have been on that drunk champion years ago!
22:27Sir, Solomon, Sir, send you his greetings.
22:38Shut up!
22:39Thank you, you're a lovely man.
22:42Where is he?
22:43Inside, by Sir Sir.
22:44Well, I'll have him over there in double-quick time.
22:46After a sudden, is it, Sir?
22:48Let's go.
22:51Oh, come on, Pararooski, that intro's far too long.
22:54You're leaving him with egg on his face.
22:55You're right, Solly.
22:56Two bathed and pool.
22:58Well, it's not very artistic.
23:00Artistic's from artistic.
23:01Get on with it.
23:03Oh, dear.
23:04Oh, hello, sir.
23:05What are you doing here?
23:06Rehearsing.
23:07Rehearsing?
23:08Why aren't you on that track?
23:09Oh, the posting's cancelled.
23:11Canceled, cancelled.
23:12Who by?
23:13Captain Ashwood.
23:14Ashwood?
23:14Has he gone off his flaming rocker?
23:17Do you mind making less noise, Sergeant Major?
23:20The artists are rehearsing a number.
23:25You, sir?
23:26Are you rehearsing?
23:27Yes.
23:28I'm making my debut tonight.
23:31Take it away, Professor.
23:32I'll run with our view.
23:38And no one to worry us, no one to hurry us through.
23:43This dream we've found.
23:48You've got it, sir.
23:55That's him to a T.
23:56He's a lovely mover.
24:04All is happy ever after, isn't it?
24:07Goop kew.
24:08Goop.
24:08Goop.
24:09Goop.
24:10Goop.
24:15Goop.
24:19Goop.
24:23Goop.
24:26We are so good, so we need a gang, cause the boys are here, the boys to entertain.
24:32We are so good, we are so good, we are so good to make it big, so give us a cheer with a hey, hey, hey.
24:39Just gather around and go down and down, with us a lot, there's plenty of fun.
24:45So meet the gang, cause the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
24:50B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys, to entertain you.
24:58End of hope and glory, but never of none, with us a lot.
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