- 6 months ago
The misadventures of a British Royal Artillery Concert Party unit stationed in based in Deolali in British India and the fictional village of Tin Min in Burma during the last few months of the Second World War.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:09With music and laughter to help you on your way, to raising the rafters with a hey, hey, hey.
00:15With songs and sketches and jokes old and new, with us about you and Phil Blue.
00:21So meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:26B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
00:33Silence in court, bring on the prisoner.
00:43Order, order.
00:45A ham sandwich and a glass of beer.
00:49Take the chair.
00:51Why, I've got plenty of furniture.
00:56Don't do that, I've just swept up.
01:08My Lord, I protest.
01:10The show's going well, actually.
01:11After the first class, sir.
01:13What do you think, Sergeant Major?
01:15They should use heavier sticks.
01:17They should definitely hurt each other.
01:20Precisely, sir.
01:21Excuse me, I'll just go and stretch my legs.
01:23Have you ever been to prison before?
01:27No.
01:28This is the first time I've ever killed anybody.
01:43Stop at once.
01:45What's the matter, sir?
01:46Please stop.
01:47Can you hear laughter, Captain Rogers?
01:52Yes, sir, I can.
01:54I wonder what it is.
01:57I see.
01:59Sir.
02:00What's that laughter, Sergeant Major?
02:09Royal Arturie Concert Party, sir.
02:10Give me a show.
02:12We will take a look.
02:14How wonderful to think that in this cruel, savage jungle,
02:18there is the pure, innocent laughter of young men.
02:21Good heavens, what a lot of padres.
02:42Huh?
02:43Good.
02:43Good.
02:46Good afternoon, sir.
02:47I'm Captain Rogers.
02:49May I introduce the Reverend Burgess?
02:51How do you do?
02:52How do you do?
02:52I'm the Senior Army Captain of the Division,
02:54and these are my colleagues.
02:56We are just on our way to DHQ to discuss the problem
02:58of the moral and spiritual welfare of the fighting man.
03:02I'm Colonel Reynolds.
03:03This is Captain Ashwood.
03:04We run this concert party.
03:05How's it?
03:06It was the pure sound of men's boyish laughter
03:08that made me stop.
03:09Is that young man whistling in a monastery garden?
03:13Yes.
03:14Excellent.
03:15Excellent.
03:16I can see your show has a very high moral tone.
03:19Oh, thank you.
03:27I say, any girls on the show?
03:29Oh, dear, but some of the chaps dress up as girls.
03:31What do they like?
03:32Doing good.
03:34Ah, well, any port in a stormy.
03:38You clean fun.
03:39Ah, pity.
03:41When the only sound in the empty street
04:08Is the heavy tread
04:10Of the heavy feet
04:12That belong to a lonesome pup
04:16I open shop
04:23Love for sale
04:30Paralyzing young love for sale
04:35Hey! You couldn't even give it away!
04:37You couldn't even give it away
04:38Spread the soil
04:39Spread the soil
04:40Spread the soil
04:41Spread the soil
04:42Spread the soil
04:43Love for sale
04:49Who will buy
04:55Who would like to sample my supplies
04:59Why don't you pick on somebody roadside?
05:02Pay the price
05:04For a trip to paradise
05:08This is disgusting!
05:10How dare you, Colonel!
05:11That was only a good clean honest
05:13Good clean?
05:14I've seen enough!
05:15Come, gentlemen!
05:16Captain Rogers!
05:17Captain Rogers!
05:18Wait a minute!
05:19Wait a minute!
05:20It's only a bit of fun
05:22That's another word, sir!
05:24Tell me, man!
05:25I'm sorry
05:26I'm sorry
05:27I'm sorry
05:28I'm sorry
05:29I'm sorry
05:30I'm sorry
05:31Through the mill of love
05:33Oh, don't you, I don't take
05:36Every love but true love
05:42Love, oh say
05:47Appetizing young love, oh say
05:54If you want to buy their wares
05:59Follow me and drive the stairs
06:02Love for sale
06:08Love for sale
06:29Oh, wait a minute, Padres
06:36Never in all my life have I seen such depths of you depravity
06:38It's not as bad as all that
06:40I can only assume that the heat has affected your judgment, sir
06:42Look, those soldiers have wives and sweethearts waiting for them at home
06:46And you subject them to this
06:47You are an architect of the devil's work, sir
06:49I mean, say, these chaps
06:51You haven't heard the last of this
06:52Drive on
06:53I've read the impression he didn't like the concert party very much, sir
07:00Yeah, correct
07:01Move yourself, move yourself
07:02I was already waiting
07:03Do not keep me waiting, I get nasty
07:06Stop rubbing your knees
07:07Go on, Ty
07:08Go on, Ty
07:09Turn that ice
07:10I must say, sir
07:12I thought that party's behaviour last night was rather narrow-minded
07:15Do you think you'll do anything about it?
07:16No, no, no
07:17It's just a storm and a teacup, that's all
07:18I'm much more concerned about this other business
07:20Come on, we'd better break it to the men
07:22Go on, Ty
07:23Thank you, Mr Willow
07:24Stand up at ease, Willow
07:25Turn that ice
07:26Right, stand easy
07:28Stop scratching yourself, I'm dead
07:35I can't help it, Sergeant Major
07:37I've got prickly heat
07:38I'm covered in little bumps
07:40As far as ice concerns, Sagnan, use one big little bump
07:42Now, shut up
07:45Right, now, I expect you've already heard
07:47That for the past two weeks
07:48Another concert party has been giving shows in this area
07:52Now, they are called the RAF Limelight Follies
07:55Excuse me, sir
07:56But, are they like us?
07:58No, no, no
07:59They're quite different, you
08:00They're not, erm
08:02They're not, erm
08:03Roderpuff, sir
08:04Well, they're, they're not so broad
08:08Anyhow, GHQ have decided
08:10That two concert parties is really too much
08:13And one of us will have to be disbanded
08:15Which one, sir?
08:16Well, that's up to then
08:17Now, the chief entertainers officer, Captain DeWolf
08:20Is coming to see the show on the 13th
08:22But, if he doesn't like it, what'll happen to us?
08:26You'll go back to being a real soldier, shut up!
08:28Right, well, that's all, I think
08:30Thank you
08:31Trotain!
08:32Fall out!
08:42Well, I'm not worried
08:43I mean
08:44What have we got to fear for my bunch of Braille cream boys?
08:47You're right, Gloria, sir
08:49Nobody could equal your beauty as the Roger who is Ginger
08:53Ginger Rogers, you berk
08:57I bet that RAF show hasn't got a professional artiste like me in it
09:01Now I'm not worried
09:02I tell you, I am just not worried
09:04Well, you should be
09:05Why do you say a remark like that for?
09:08I've seen the show
09:09You've seen the show?
09:10Why didn't you say so?
09:11Well, I didn't want to depress you
09:12What's it like?
09:13Very good
09:14What do you mean, very good?
09:16What did I say?
09:17Very good
09:18Very professional
09:19Well, tell us about it then
09:20Well, they start with the opening chorus
09:22Yeah, well, we start with the opening chorus
09:24Meet the gang
09:25Well, they start with this
09:26We're riding along on the crest of the wave
09:31And the sun is in the sky
09:34All our eyes are on the distant horizon
09:37Look out for passers-by
09:40Well, that's no better than Meet the Gang
09:42Yeah, but they harmonise
09:43And they're all very good-looking
09:45What?
09:46Better looking than what I am
09:49They look terrific
09:51How's that?
09:52What's up?
09:53Handsome men are slightly sunburned
09:55Have they got a ventriloquist?
09:57Yes
09:58And he's got two very good gimmicks
10:00The dummy drinks the glass of water
10:02Where does it go?
10:04That's the other gimmick
10:06Gets a big laugh
10:09Do they have a piper tearing at?
10:11Yes, he's excellent
10:12Does he tear a piper dollies?
10:14No, he tears a lace tablecloth
10:16Well, I could do that
10:18What, and bounce a chair on your chin at the same time?
10:21And all the time he's doing that
10:22He's singing I cover the waterfront
10:24What's that got to do with it?
10:26Well, it ties in with the dummy
10:29Have they got any singers?
10:31Yes, two
10:32A tenor and a baritone
10:33Can the tenor sing higher than me?
10:35Well, in one sense, yes
10:36He's six foot tall
10:38I'll bet they haven't got a strong man act, but
10:41Oh, yes they have
10:42Well, I'll bet he doesn't tear telephone directories in half like me
10:46No, he tears them in quarters
10:48Is he good?
10:50He's marvellous
10:51He has two tea urns
10:53One Indian, one China
10:55What's the leading lady like?
10:57Ah, no, they haven't got one
10:58You mean they don't dress up as girls?
11:00No, none of them
11:01It's a very masculine show
11:03Well, that's it then, isn't it?
11:04I mean, that's our trump card
11:06I mean, when that entertainment officer comes down to see our show
11:08I shall do all my drag
11:10Dorothy L'Amour, Rita Hayworth
11:12My French tart number the lot
11:14That RAF show's got nothing like me
11:17It certainly hasn't
11:19The whole show is done in exquisite taste
11:21Exquisite taste?
11:22Of course, that would appeal to you, wouldn't it?
11:24You bald-headed university twitch
11:27We should do all the tried and true
11:29Good, clean, honest, vulgar fun
11:31Not like those RAF folks poncing about all over the place going
11:34Oh, four, four, four, four
11:36That's right, Gloria
11:38We'll give them all the old razzmatazz
11:40All the strong stuff?
11:41Yeah
11:42Like that trouser bit we put in last night
11:44Oh, yes, Gloria
11:45The trouser bits, it went like a bomb
11:47Yeah, it got great yocks
11:48Didn't you think so?
11:49I wasn't looking
11:50You weren't looking
11:52It was where you were playing that Narcissus bit
11:54Oh, was it?
11:55Yeah, well, play it again
11:56And this time look
11:57Go on, show it, Knoppy
11:58Oh, no, Gloria
11:59I can't do it without the big trousers
12:01Oh, use your own
12:02Go on, you ready, Atlas?
12:03Right, I'm ready
12:04Now this time watch
12:20Brown boots
12:34Top that, sweetheart
12:38Top that!
12:39All you have to do is the way that you do it
12:43That's what gay hates it is
12:45This one's for you, Sergeant Major
12:46You've got to report to GHQ for your medical on the 12th
12:49No problem there, sir
12:50That's always been A1
12:52Oh, Lord, the chickens have come home to roost
12:54What chickens?
12:55Well, it's from the Reverend Burgess
12:57We've got to clean up the show
12:58He sent a list of do's and don'ts
13:00Oh, let's see
13:01He's coming to see the show on Friday the 13th
13:05To see whether they've been carried out
13:07Well, Captain DeWolf
13:08The entertainment officer's coming that night
13:10Well, if we cut all the saucy bits out
13:11It's not going to help the show very much, is it?
13:13Well, if we get disbanded
13:14They'll find themselves posted to fighting units
13:20That's true, sir
13:21Oh, well, I shouldn't worry about it, sir
13:23I mean, er
13:24They should have enough talent to get by without a lot of smut
13:26Well, I hope you're right
13:28I'll attend to that one, sir
13:29Oh, Roger
13:30I was good at rooting out filth
13:34I come from a long line of Methodists, you know, sir
13:39Get on parade! I'm waiting for you!
13:40With me, sir! With me, sir!
13:41Get mousing!
13:43Slow from your knees!
13:44Got time!
13:45Got time!
13:46Got time!
13:47Got time!
13:48Got easy!
13:50Right
13:51As you may know
13:52As you may not know
13:54A senior Harvey Chapman came to see the show last night
13:57And he thought it was disgusting
13:59He thought the show was crude and obscene
14:05And I agrees with him
14:07Sergeant Major, those were the only bits you laughed at
14:09Shut up!
14:12Now here is a list what he has sent of things you may not do
14:14No dressing up as females in any shape or form
14:17But, Sergeant Major...
14:18Get up!
14:19No references to lower parts of the anatomy
14:23Sergeant Major, what about the gusson with the long paw?
14:26Ouch!
14:27Sergeant Major, what about the saw between the legs bits?
14:29Ouch!
14:30And the big balloons for the... the burst
14:32All out!
14:33When that powdery comes on the 13th
14:35You will present a show which is both clean and pure
14:38What?
14:39Friday the 13th
14:40But that's the day the entertainment office is coming down from GHQ to see the show
14:43Correct
14:44Well done, clever boy
14:46If you take out all the broad bits and there's nothing left and
14:49He's bound to his banders
14:51And then we'll get sent up to the front
14:53You can put your shirt on, Sergeant Major
15:10I'll take you in to see Major Lucemore, the Chief Medical Officer
15:13Thank you, sister
15:14Now, you've had all your tests
15:17Let me see...
15:18Eyes, chest, feet
15:22Oh, what happened here?
15:25Couldn't you fill it up?
15:27No, sister
15:29I'm afraid I only did a little bit
15:33Why was that?
15:34Well, my fountain pen ran out of ink
15:38Never mind, you can fill the rest out later
15:49Sergeant Major Williams, sir
15:50Thank you, sister
15:51Sit down, Sergeant Major
15:53Sir
15:57Now, what are you serving at the moment?
15:59Oh, well, sir
16:00I've been in charge of the Royal Artillery Concert Party
16:02But they've been disbanded in a few days
16:04So I shall be free for active duty
16:06I see
16:07Hmm
16:12Hmm
16:14Oh dear
16:15That as well
16:16How must you smoke?
16:17Well, 10...
16:1815...
16:1920 days, sir
16:25Not a bit short of wind
16:27I'll be alright when I get back on active duty, sir
16:31Hmm...
16:33Hmm...
16:34A1 as usual, sir
16:37Oh, no question of that, I'm afraid
16:40C2
16:44C2?
16:45What's the matter with me?
16:46Well, it's nothing specific
16:47Just a question of anno domini
16:49Well, there's no Italian women round here, sir
16:51There's no Italian women round here, sir
16:52There's no Italian women round here, sir
16:58What's going to happen to me, sir?
16:59Well, you're an old soldier
17:01You can take it
17:02You can take it
17:03At best
17:04It's a pen-pushing job in Delhi
17:06Or a discharge
17:10You mean
17:12Invalidated out
17:13I'm afraid, sir
17:14What a pity they're disbanding that concert party
17:17That's a job you could have carried on doing
17:19I'll walk alone
17:21I'll walk alone
17:23Just to tell you the truth
17:25I'll be alone
17:29Cheer up, glorious up
17:30Have a nice cup of cha
17:32On the house
17:34Thank you
17:35You're very kind
17:37Well
17:39It's the end of the road, fellas
17:41Tomorrow, Friday the 13th
17:43Is our swan song
17:47We may still have a chance
17:48No
17:49Not a hope
17:50With all the guts taken out of this show
17:51That entertainment's officer's bound to disband us
17:56Oh, shut up, spake
17:57She's really enjoying this
17:59Right, John!
18:00My goodness!
18:05Evening, lovely boys
18:08Evening, sir
18:09Hello, Sergeant Major
18:10How'd you get on?
18:11A1, as usual, sir
18:14Good cheer
18:15If you don't mind, sir
18:16I'll just say goodnight to my boys
18:17Good point
18:20Good point?
18:21It's your move, Enron
18:23No
18:24Don't get up, lovely boys
18:26How about, uh
18:27A goodnight cup of cha?
18:29A cha, or a
18:30Tea and Kate's all round
18:31I'll pay
18:32Take care, sir
18:33I didn't make this up
18:34Well now then, lovely boys
18:35As you know, I've been for my medical today
18:37A1, as usual, of course
18:38But, uh
18:39Coming back, I got to thinking
18:40What about my boys in a concert party?
18:41I mean, I was one of the lucky ones
18:43But they is artistes, not soldiers
18:44If they were sent up the front and something happened
18:45The world would be robbed of a great talent
18:49Do you really think we've got talent, Sergeant Major?
18:50Oh
18:51Brimming over with it
18:52What a shame it would be if the concert party was disbanded
18:53But how can we stop it, Sergeant Major?
18:54Oh
18:55Oh
18:56Well now, let's see
18:57Well, let's see
18:58What a shame it would be if the concert party was disbanded
19:00But how can we stop it, Sergeant Major?
19:01Oh
19:02Well now, let's see
19:03Well, let's see
19:04Well, let's see
19:05Well, let's see
19:06Well, let's see
19:07Well, let's see
19:08Well, let's see
19:09Brimming over with it
19:12Brimming over with it
19:13What a shame it would be if the concert party was disbanded
19:18But how can we stop it, Sergeant Major?
19:20Oh
19:21Well now, lofty boy
19:23It would be a shame if that entertainment officer was to miss some good, clean, dirty jokes
19:30Do you mean we can put the show back as it was?
19:32Why not?
19:33Oh
19:34What about the Padre, Sergeant Major?
19:37Yes, well, don't even worry about him getting a parking
19:40You just get on there, boys
19:41Show them fine shoulders off
19:43There's a good chance that the Reverend Burgess
19:46Won't be seeing that show
19:48He's here
20:02I ain't half nervous, Gloria
20:04What does he look like?
20:05Has he got a kind face?
20:06What's the matter with you lot?
20:07He's only an entertainment officer
20:08Right
20:09But if he doesn't like the show, that's the end of us
20:12Don't forget it's Friday the 13th
20:15Well, thank goodness we put back the dirty bet
20:17It's only on his vulgarity
20:19Perhaps if the Padre arrives
20:21Hey, Mohammed
20:22Mohammed
20:23Yes, sir, yes, sir
20:24Listen, I want you to go out that road
20:25If you see the Padre, I want you to let us know, right?
20:28The holy man?
20:29Right, yes, sir
20:30Oh, blimey
20:31I've forgotten what he looks like
20:32He's got a dog collar
20:34Face like a dog
20:35Don't you burn the collar?
20:37Oh, yes
20:38How I remember, sir
20:39Listen
20:40The charwaller is going to let us know this is the Padre Rod, right?
20:44All things bright and beautiful
20:47All features great and small
20:51All things wise and wonderful
20:54Good heavens
20:55Stop, diver
20:56Stop
20:57Stop
20:58Stop
20:59Stop
21:00Stop
21:03Good, man
21:04Are you alright?
21:06Hallelujah
21:07I've seen the light
21:10I've seen the light
21:12Now, you's arrived
21:14It's miraculous
21:17My eyes have seen the coming of the good of the Lord
21:20Oh, brother, sir
21:22You've no idea how glad I is to see you
21:24Please get up
21:25don't I know you sergeant? yes sir I was ashamed to say I was in charge of that
21:32filthy concert party. oh yes yes I remember. I must unburden my soul sir.
21:38must you? well you'd better sit sit down.
21:55they put back all the barber bits. he likes it. he likes it. it all started sir the day you came to see that disgusting show I said to myself this is wrong, wrong, wrong, I uh I'd like to go back to the beginning sir. when was that? when I was six.
22:25is there much more sergeant major? oh yes sir I've only reached the age of 18.
22:44you see my uh my dear old man wanted me to be a methodist minister
22:50i ain't had no love since january celebratory juli july
22:57i say how dare you interrupt our song?
22:59I've got my living to earn...
23:00rub a balloons, rub a balloons, rub a balloons
23:03can you leave the stage?
23:04rub a balloons, rub a balloons, rub a balloons
23:06What a cheek, if you please, Professor.
23:09Arm, hand, and no love, Mrs. Jen.
23:15Hello, Bobby. What's cooking?
23:22Oh, no, a mouth. Oh.
23:26Oh, dear, she's fated. What shall we do? Rub her feet.
23:30That's no good. Rub her arm. That's no good.
23:33Rub her neck. That's no good.
23:35Well, what shall we do? Rub her balloons.
23:43Oh, Sergeant Major.
23:45Oh, yes, I've only reached the age of 25.
23:48How old are you now?
23:50Quarry too.
23:51I haven't got any more time. I've got to see the show.
23:54It must be nearly over by now.
23:56Oh, no, no, don't worry about that, sir. I've cleaned it up. It's as pure as a driven snow.
24:00Thank you. I'd like to see for myself.
24:02Oh, you've got to listen to me.
24:05I haven't told you what happened when I was 25.
24:08Things got worse.
24:10I started.
24:18Hey!
24:19Hey!
24:20Hey!
24:21Hey!
24:22Hey!
24:23Hey!
24:24Hey!
24:25Hey!
24:26Hey!
24:27Hey!
24:28Hey!
24:29Hey!
24:30Hey!
24:31Hey!
24:32Hey!
24:33Hey!
24:34Hey!
24:35Hey!
24:36Hey!
24:42Hey!
24:43Hey!
24:44Hey!
24:45Hey!
24:46Okay, how about that?
24:47as they flow sleep the whiskers and drown
24:54I'll give him how about that he's here now come on you'll know what to do
25:17Ave Maria
25:34Maiden
25:42Oh
25:45Ave Maria
25:49The wolf that's weasel from the wild
25:58Tis though, tis though can save a miss
26:07Spend it, Sergeant Pedro. Very moving.
26:11I hope you don't mind the nuns, sir. You did say you didn't want him to dress up as tired women.
26:16The nuns alright.
26:18That young boy sings beautifully. An angel.
26:23Sure the better.
26:25He's here.
26:27Dan.
26:28Get rid of him quick.
26:32That young boy sings beautifully. An angel.
26:39Sure the better.
26:41He's here. Dan.
26:42Get rid of him quick.
26:45The colonel asked me to say goodbye.
26:52I've only just arrived.
26:54But the show's over. This is the end, isn't it Sergeant Mayfield?
26:56Oh yes, oh definitely.
26:57We'll escort you to your jeep.
26:59All gone.
27:04I say, that sounds rather jolly. Perhaps I ought to go back.
27:07Oh don't go back, sir. Never go back.
27:09I say, that sounds rather jolly. Perhaps I ought to go back.
27:20Oh don't go back, sir. Never go back.
27:29Early advice. God be with you.
27:31I'll drink to that, sir.
27:33Cheerio. Cheerio.
27:35Turn down, Sergeant Mayfield.
27:43I say.
27:44I say.
27:46Can I ask if you've made your decision, Captain?
28:02Yes, I have. And I'm going to be completely frank.
28:06Oh, I am.
28:07The RAF Limelight Follies are a much better show.
28:10Oh.
28:11But they are a bit...precious.
28:13Your show is robust, full of honest vulgarity,
28:16and that's what the chap's like.
28:18So, uh, you won't be disbanded.
28:20That is good news, isn't it, Ashford?
28:22It's wonderful.
28:24I'm very pleased, sir.
28:25I thought you weren't too keen on the concert party, Sergeant Major.
28:28Well, shall we just say, sir, I've seen the light.
28:31Yes, Sergeant Major, I forgot to tell you,
28:33I've made arrangements for you to attend religious instruction
28:35three times a week.
28:41One, two, three, two, three.
28:44We can hang on, the boys are in.
28:46The boys will wait to attend.
28:48The music and art birds are healthy on the road.
28:52We're painting the land, we'll feel the hay, hay, hay.
28:55We're so excited and children in the room.
28:58We're not going back.
28:59We're not going back.
29:01We're not going back.
29:02We can hang on, the boys are in.
29:04The boys will wait to attend.
29:06We're not going to make this big game.
29:09So give us a cheerio.
29:11So hey, hey, hey, just gather around,
29:13and we're going to run.
29:15Without so much, there's plenty of fun.
29:18So meet the gang, cos the boys are here.
29:21The boys to entertain you.
29:23B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:29B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:30B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:31B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:32B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:33B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:34B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:35B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:36B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:37B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:38B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:39B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:40B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:41B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:42B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:43You
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