- 5 months ago
The misadventures of a British Royal Artillery Concert Party unit stationed in based in Deolali in British India and the fictional village of Tin Min in Burma during the last few months of the Second World War.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:09With music and laughter to help you on your way, to raising the raptors with a hey, hey, hey.
00:15With songs and sketches and jokes old and new, with us about you and Phil Blue.
00:21So meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:26B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys, to entertain you.
00:41All right, Paddy Roosky, one, two, three.
00:44On the good ship lollipop, it's a sweet trip to a candy shop, where the bonbons play.
01:08On the sunny beach of Peppermint Bay, lemonade stands.
01:15Every day, I'm dancing, dancing, in the air, I'm very loud.
01:20Happy landing on a chocolate bar.
01:24Sweet sugar bowl, do a Tootsie Roll, with a great big lemon cheesecake.
01:28If you eat too much, oh, oh, you'll awake with a stomach ache.
01:35On the good ship lollipop, it's a nice trip.
01:39Into bed too hot, and dream away.
01:42On the good ship lollipop.
01:44All right, fellas, take ten.
01:56Let's have a cup of char while we do notes.
02:01Just like for sure.
02:02All right, now listen, fellas.
02:04I want to put that number in tonight, and I'm very worried about it.
02:08It isn't gelling.
02:09There's something wrong.
02:10Well, if I may say so, it's an excruciatingly bad taste.
02:16Bad taste?
02:18Bad taste?
02:18What are you talking about?
02:20Well, if my memory serves me right,
02:22Shirley Temple did the number when she was about eight years old.
02:26To put it mildly, Nobby is a little overdeveloped.
02:33What's it matter, so long as it gets a laugh?
02:36Padre Ruski's quite right, it's a very bad taste.
02:38Oh, that's nice, that, isn't it?
02:41I mean, that's the first time in all my years in show business
02:43that anyone's ever accused me of having bad taste.
02:47No, it isn't.
02:48When we did the Battle of Britain scene,
02:50you goose Winston Churchill with the Spitfire's propeller.
02:54And that's bad taste.
02:57That's political comment.
02:59Satire.
03:00Well, giving Shirley Temple big boobs isn't satire.
03:03It's very bad taste. Get rid of them.
03:05All right, Gloria.
03:06And you, Padre, you're walking around in a dream.
03:14You're supposed to be a little innocent, fun-lapping girl.
03:17There's no reality in your work.
03:19You're not concentrating.
03:22Oh, I'm sorry, Gloria.
03:23You saw this news about the war, Wendy.
03:25That'll never end.
03:27Just because the Yanks have dropped some secret weapon on the Japs
03:30doesn't mean they're going to give up.
03:31According to their religion, if they die in battle, they go straight to heaven.
03:35What about all the kamikaze pilots?
03:38Somebody's going to have to winkle them out of every blast at Foxhole
03:41and every blast at Ireland.
03:42Yeah.
03:42And then we'll have to invade Japan.
03:44Aye.
03:45We could be out here until we're all men.
03:46Yeah.
03:47We're now teeth.
03:48If I thought that, I'd kill myself.
03:52When I came out here, I was a young boy.
03:59Now look at me.
04:02Hard and cynical.
04:04And cruel-toned.
04:06I'm an innocent who's been brutalised by war.
04:11There's one good thing, sir.
04:13We are all in show business.
04:15Ah, the smell of the grease bowl.
04:19You're right then, Mohammed.
04:21Things may look bright and things may look black.
04:24But one thing is certain.
04:25We are in show business.
04:27And they can't take away our God-given talent.
04:30There'll be an audience out there tonight.
04:32And it is our job, now our privilege, to make them stand on their feet and cheer.
04:39Come on, fellas, to the top.
04:41One more time.
04:42One, two, three.
04:43On the good ship, lollipop, it's a night trip.
04:47Into bed, you hop and dream away.
04:50On the good ship.
04:51Big in your head.
04:52You give it a bit.
04:53Big in the wrist.
04:54That's what the good.
04:55Yeah.
05:00Oh, best of all.
05:02You've got long enough to do it.
05:03Oh, that's it!
05:05Wake your ideas up, salute and utter when you see what!
05:09What's the matter, why have you stopped?
05:11I'm not feeling very well, sir.
05:12Would you excuse me?
05:16Shall I take those men's names, sir?
05:18Report them to their units?
05:19No, no, no.
05:19Leave them alone.
05:20This is a great day in history.
05:22The war is over.
05:23You must not let discipline fall apart, sir.
05:25Otherwise, we shall have vanity.
05:27Wake your ideas up!
05:29I must say, you're a fine couple.
05:36We've got peace at last.
05:38Here am I on top of the world.
05:40There's Ashwood stuck in the bushes because he can't take his liquor.
05:43There's you sitting there like a dying duck in a thunderstorm.
05:46What's the matter, Sergeant Major?
05:47Aren't you glad the war's over?
05:48Yes, sir.
05:50I'm not speaking, but they've won.
05:53No, no, no.
05:54We've won.
05:55The Japs have signed a surrender.
05:57I don't mean nuts.
05:57I mean the concert party's won.
05:59Months and months I've been dying to get them into action against the Japanese.
06:02Now they've beaten me.
06:04It'll never happen.
06:05I never did understand you, Sergeant Major.
06:08Always obsessed with going into action.
06:10It's my job, sir.
06:12I'm a professional soldier.
06:13I'm a professional soldier.
06:19Ah.
06:21Feeling better, Ashwood?
06:22Yes, sir.
06:23For the time being.
06:24It's the last time I take you to a victory celebration party.
06:27After the next war, I'll go alone.
06:30I think that's a very poor test.
06:32Oh, no, Mr. Stuffy, Ashwood.
06:34Come on, start up.
06:35I can't wait to tell the chaps about the surrender.
06:37They'll be over the moon.
06:38I don't think we should tell them, sir.
06:39What do you mean?
06:40They're sloppy enough as it is, sir.
06:42Discipline will go to pot.
06:43They'll laugh in the face of authority.
06:45And we shall all be impudent.
06:48Come on, give me some stick.
06:56All right, Paddy.
06:57One, two, three.
06:58I'm the good ship, lollipop.
07:01It's a night trip into bed.
07:03You'll pop and dream away.
07:05Right, yeah, bloody fanny.
07:06We'll be served, we'll be served.
07:08Forget all about the good ship, lollipop.
07:12Stand still.
07:13It's got time.
07:15The man had fallen in, sir, but I do not think she would tell us.
07:17Oh, Mr. Files, I'm going to stand up at ease.
07:18Stand at ice.
07:19Right, now, pay attention, chaps.
07:20I've got some wonderful news for you.
07:22Yesterday, at 0900 hours, on board the battleship SS Missouri,
07:26the Japanese, the Japanese surrendered unconditionally.
07:32Stand still, stand still.
07:33Get out of the ranks.
07:35You are still in the harbour.
07:38You will not behave like hooligans.
07:41Put your hat on straight.
07:42All right, relax, Sergeant Major.
07:49Now, I dare say you don't like to celebrate.
07:51I'm happy to be able to tell you,
07:53Captain Ashford and I have managed to obtain
07:55five cans of beer,
07:57one tin of sliced peaches and heavy syrup,
08:00two tins of evaporated milk,
08:02and four bars of chocolate.
08:05And to mark this occasion,
08:06you will all be given a 24-hour pass.
08:09But, of course, there's nowhere to go.
08:12On the other hand, you can all sleep safely in your beds,
08:15knowing there are no japs around.
08:16Does that mean we won't have to do guard duty?
08:22She wants to stand guard.
08:24This is a military outpost.
08:25And while that flag is flying,
08:27there will be a guard on the gate.
08:28Parades will be as usual.
08:30Boots will be polished.
08:31Cap badges will be shined.
08:32And now, there is no need
08:34for camouflage from the hair.
08:36I want all stones whitewashed
08:37until there's gleaming, gleaming, gleaming!
08:41Right.
08:43What time's the truck coming?
08:50Truck?
08:51What truck?
08:53The truck that's going to take us to the boat.
08:57The hell are you talking about?
08:59Well, the boat that's taking us home.
09:01And I've got to send a telegram to my agent.
09:02I might be in time to book myself a pantomime.
09:07Yes, darling, mama dear!
09:08You is not going to always, not never!
09:10Phew!
09:11Now, look, I think you'd rather jump the gun there, Beaumont.
09:13And don't forget you've got a show to do tonight.
09:15Yeah, don't forget the new number, Gloria.
09:17That's right, sir.
09:18We'll give the boys a show to remember.
09:19We'll put in all the best items.
09:21Oh, what a night it'll be.
09:23We'll call it the Victory Gala Night.
09:25Yes, and at the end, we'll get the whole audience to stand
09:27and sing Land of Hope and Glory.
09:29Land of Hope and Glory
09:33Mother Yabda Free
09:37Nice hot cup of cha, Sergeant Major Stab.
09:41Thanks, Mohammed.
09:42Why are you looking so unhappy, Sergeant Major Stab?
09:46Tonight, we British should be very proud.
09:49War is over.
09:50We have beaten Japanese.
09:52Now we can start to build brave new world
09:55with welfare state, isn't it?
09:57You know what the word frustration means, Charwalla?
10:03Oh, yes.
10:04It is what they do to pussycats.
10:14Frustration
10:14is when you were stopped from something
10:17you wanted to do.
10:19Is this not what they do to pussycats?
10:24I wanted to take that concert party
10:26into action against the Japs.
10:29While the war was on,
10:30there was a chance.
10:32Now there's no hope.
10:34Them puffs has beaten me.
10:37They're very silly, you know.
10:39They don't know what they missed.
10:42Once they got the taste of danger,
10:43they'd have loved it.
10:44I know they would.
10:46And I could have shown them the way.
10:50Sir,
10:52you can't be back from the show already.
10:54Anyone about?
10:55Over here, sir.
10:57Ah,
10:57San Major.
10:59My name's Parkinson,
11:00GHQ.
11:01I say,
11:01have you got any water?
11:02My radiator's boiled up.
11:04No, certainly, sir.
11:04Charwalla,
11:05chaddy upony jolly.
11:06Check us out.
11:06You fancy a cup of tea, sir?
11:07Oh, thank you.
11:08Inshallah.
11:09Let me know when you're ready to move,
11:11Corporal.
11:11Sir.
11:13Gosh,
11:14what a day it's been.
11:16I don't mind, sir.
11:18Tomorrow,
11:19we'll have them behaving like normal soldiers again.
11:22I've been rushed off my feet.
11:24There are odd little Japs
11:25popping out of the woodwork all over the place.
11:27And I've been accepting their surrender.
11:30And why'd they pick on you, sir?
11:32I'm one of those rare birds who speaks Japanese.
11:36Well,
11:36I suspect the Japs will be glad it's all over as well, sir.
11:38Some of them take a bit of convincing,
11:40and it's a pretty bitter pill for them to swallow.
11:43Quite a few of them would rather commit hara kiri than surrender.
11:47One of the little baskets thinks it's a trick.
11:49He's dug in on an island upriver,
11:51and I can't make him listen to reason.
11:53He just won't believe the war's over.
11:56Why leave him not to starve, sir?
11:58He's got a clear line of fire.
12:00None of our transport can get up or down the river.
12:03Not only that,
12:04somebody might get hurt.
12:04But I'm just on my way to HQ
12:06to get some troops to flush him out.
12:08Just about ready to go, sir.
12:10Oh, well, let him be moving.
12:14Just a moment, sir.
12:18Did you say
12:18you wanted some men to flush this job out?
12:22That's right.
12:23We can't parley with him any longer.
12:24We shall have to use force.
12:26There's no need to get any men from GHQ, sir.
12:29It so happens,
12:30I's in charge
12:31of the toughest jungle fighters
12:33between Hur and Kohima.
12:34Where are they?
12:37They're out doing a show, sir.
12:38Show?
12:39Yeah, they're showing the troops
12:40how to be tough jungle fighters, sir.
12:42They give demonstrations.
12:44Who's their CO?
12:46Colonel Reynolds, sir.
12:48Tiger Reynolds.
12:52Just his cup of tea, sir.
12:53He's always itching for a scrap.
12:54And his second-in-command,
12:56Captain Blood and Gats Ashwood.
12:59He's a lean,
13:01weary intellectual, sir.
13:03You know the type.
13:04D.H.
13:05Lawrence of Arabia.
13:08We'll do this for you, sir.
13:09I'm glad of the chance.
13:11Well,
13:12that's a weight off my mind.
13:14Corporal,
13:14get on the radio,
13:15tell HQ
13:16we shan't need any men after all.
13:18Colonel Reynolds
13:19has volunteered for the task.
13:21Very good, sir.
13:22Now,
13:23here's the map.
13:25I'll meet you and your men
13:26here
13:27on the riverbank
13:28at 0800 hours tomorrow morning.
13:31And, uh,
13:31don't expect it to be easy.
13:33The man's a fanatic.
13:39We can handle him, sir.
13:48I've done it.
13:50I've got him.
13:56What a wonderful day
13:57it's been, Ashwood.
14:01What a nursing crime for,
14:02you silly arse.
14:03You're supposed to be happy.
14:04It's all over.
14:04I am happy.
14:05I'm thinking about Fiona.
14:07Who's Fiona?
14:08My wife.
14:09Oh, yes, of course.
14:10She lives in Richmond.
14:11Yeah, well,
14:12that is rather sad,
14:13isn't it?
14:15Hooray!
14:16You know,
14:16tonight,
14:17I'm going to sleep
14:18the sleep of the gust.
14:19For the first time
14:20in years,
14:20I've been secured
14:21in the knowledge
14:21that everyone's ready
14:22to drop a bomb on me
14:23or stick it in me
14:24in the mask.
14:24I need to be.
14:26Hooray!
14:28Hooray!
14:28Hooray!
14:30Do you want to get killed now?
14:33Look out.
14:33Here we are.
14:36Listen to that sign
14:37you made us up.
14:38They're so happy
14:39rolling over
14:40in the clover.
14:41And just think,
14:44tomorrow,
14:45they'll be crawling
14:46in the jungle.
14:49Sir,
14:50it will be a bitter blow
14:53when they find out
14:54they are going to be heroes.
14:56Don't you breathe a word
14:57of this, Charwalla?
14:58I was going to tell him
14:59in my own time
15:00and in my own way.
15:01You were out of this world,
15:03you were out of this world.
15:03No, no, no, no, no, no.
15:04City Street,
15:05you win all the awards.
15:06No, no, no, no, no, no.
15:07Oh, Sergeant Major,
15:08you should have come
15:09with us tonight.
15:10It was marvellous.
15:11It was the best show
15:12we've ever done.
15:13When I did the number
15:14in my pink frock
15:15and I sang
15:15Mad About The Boy,
15:17I had to take two encores.
15:18You should have seen
15:21my ventriloquist, sir.
15:22I did the ABC
15:23drinking a glass of water
15:24four times.
15:26They asked me to do it again,
15:27but I was in the bushes.
15:29Well, the last strong man,
15:31I tore two full
15:33telephone directories in half,
15:34but they were still
15:35screaming for more,
15:36so I started on the chairs.
15:38They went wild.
15:40If we hadn't dragged him off,
15:43he'd have done the piano.
15:45I was still looking
15:46for a good finish,
15:47so I tore up
15:48that throws us high.
15:51They wouldn't have noticed
15:52if I'd been playing
15:53in boxing gloves,
15:53but I just didn't care.
15:55I was euphoric.
15:56What, you poring?
15:58My singing went
15:59quite well and all.
16:01Shut up.
16:02You should have been there,
16:03Sergeant Major.
16:04At the end,
16:04we all sang
16:05Land of Hope and Glory.
16:06It was wonderful.
16:07All right, fellas,
16:07chow all round.
16:08My treat.
16:11This is the first night
16:12in two years
16:13I'll sleep peacefully in my bed.
16:16No more Japs
16:17to worry about.
16:18Would you care to join us
16:20for a nightcap,
16:21Sergeant Major?
16:21That's very kind of yourself.
16:23Good.
16:23Ashford,
16:24let's open that tin
16:25of football wafer,
16:25see?
16:26Why not, sir?
16:27What the hell?
16:31When shall we have
16:32the valley tomorrow?
16:33Well, let's give the chaps
16:34a bit of a treat.
16:35Shall we make it
16:36ten o'clock?
16:37All right, then.
16:38Is that all right
16:38with you, Sergeant Major?
16:39No, I think we should
16:40make it a bit earlier
16:41than that, sir.
16:41Oh, really?
16:42Why?
16:43Well, we'll have to make it
16:43earlier if we're going to be
16:44there by eight o'clock.
16:46Beware by eight o'clock.
16:47The riverbank, sir.
16:49Now, there's a little job
16:50they wants us to do.
16:51Well, who on earth
16:51wants a show
16:52at that time of the morning?
16:55The Japanese, sir.
16:57Well, he wants us
16:57to do a show
16:58for the Japanese.
16:59I'll see them dead first.
17:03Funny you should say that, sir.
17:06Could come to that in the end.
17:08What on earth
17:09are you talking about,
17:09Sergeant Major?
17:11There's this fantastical
17:12Jap, sir.
17:14He's holding out
17:15on an island
17:15and he won't give in.
17:17He's making a laughingstock
17:18at the old British army.
17:19So this Major Parkinson
17:20wanted somebody
17:21to sort him out
17:22and I volunteered
17:23on your behalf.
17:23How dare you,
17:29Sergeant Major?
17:30No business to do that.
17:31Cancel it once.
17:33I was a bit late
17:33for that, sir.
17:34See, there's how
17:34he's already told GHQ
17:35that you,
17:36Colonel Reynolds,
17:37has volunteered.
17:39Oh, I know I was
17:39taking a bit of a liberty, sir,
17:41but had you been here,
17:43I know you would have
17:43volunteered,
17:44wouldn't you?
17:45Oh, yes.
17:45Normal circumstances, yes,
17:47but the fact is
17:48I've been having
17:48these headaches lately.
17:51This shoulder's been
17:52playing me up a bit.
17:54And to lead an expedition
17:55like this in anything
17:56but tip-top condition,
17:58well, it wouldn't be
17:58fair on the men.
18:00I'll do all the leading, sir.
18:02What are the men
18:02going to say?
18:04Leave them to me, sir.
18:06I will break it to them,
18:08gently.
18:16This is disaster.
18:18That's just what
18:19I was thinking, sir.
18:20What on earth
18:20are we going to do?
18:21Think, man, think.
18:23It's a bit of a tricky one, sir.
18:25You're telling me.
18:27Couldn't we
18:28creep away in the night
18:29and pretend we didn't
18:29get the message?
18:30No, no, no.
18:31Sergeant Major
18:32will sneak on us.
18:33Of course.
18:36You've got it.
18:37You've got it.
18:38We kill the Sergeant Major.
18:42Put his body in a sack,
18:44weigh it down by the rock
18:45and chuck him in the river.
18:48You're on the right line, sir.
18:49I don't think we ought to go
18:53quite as far as murder.
18:54Why not?
18:55It's him or us.
18:56By George,
18:57I'm seeing a different side
18:58to you tonight.
18:59I'm desperate
19:00when I'm roused.
19:03All right, then,
19:04I'll tell you what we'll do.
19:05You go to GHQ,
19:06find that Major
19:06and talk him into
19:08taking you down to the river
19:08as soon as it's light.
19:10Then when you get there,
19:11persuade that Jap
19:12the war is over
19:13and he's got to give in.
19:15Tell him anything you like.
19:16Offer him money.
19:17By the time we get there
19:18at eight o'clock,
19:19I want the whole thing cleared up.
19:21I don't think I can do that, sir.
19:23Yes, yes, you can.
19:24You're very, very persuasive.
19:26Not only that,
19:26it's an order.
19:28Yes, sir.
19:29Right.
19:30Now, what was the name
19:30of that Major?
19:31I'll ask the Sergeant Major.
19:32No, no, no.
19:32Wait a minute.
19:33It's something to do
19:34with humbugs.
19:35Major humbug.
19:36No, no.
19:38Associated with humbugs.
19:39Mint.
19:40Major mint.
19:40No, no, no.
19:41No.
19:42Old-fashioned.
19:43Oh, heavens.
19:45I've got it.
19:46Parkinson.
19:47Major Parkinson.
19:48Right, off you there.
19:50What was that?
19:55I think Sergeant Major
19:56has just broken it
19:57gently to the men.
19:59See you on the riverbank,
20:01eight o'clock.
20:01When the sound
20:04the last all clear
20:06How happy
20:08my darling
20:09will be
20:10I think we could
20:15de-bus here, sir.
20:17The river's about
20:17fifty yards ahead.
20:19Yes.
20:20Do that, sir.
20:21A minute.
20:22Right, lovely boys.
20:23Out you get.
20:24Keep your voices down
20:33and your head's lower still.
20:36Form up this side.
20:38Come on, Sergeant.
20:46Right.
20:47Bombardier,
20:52where is you going?
20:53The enemy
20:54is over here.
20:56I can't believe this.
20:58I'll wake up
20:59in a minute.
20:59I can't believe this.
21:02We'll see you next time.
21:32that'll be the one sir it's very quiet he's probably gone home after home I shut up there's
21:53a jet flag flying on a little pole he's still there all right this is what I suggest sir
21:59cannot atlas gives covering machine gunfire from the flank we use the two inch more to put down
22:05smoke grenades upwind soon as that drifts down Clark Graham the bombardier and myself swim across
22:11under the covering fire any questions shut up there's only one thing captain Ashford should
22:25be here perhaps he's been delayed sir I've never known Ashford late he says he's going to be
22:30somewhere at 8 o'clock he is there at 8 o'clock according to my watch it's 8 o'clock now
22:34hello anyone there what I'm saying bang on top hello Ashford where are you I'm over here where on the
22:46island fantastic he's cleared the whole thing up well done Ashford you talked him into it have you
22:52taken him prisoner not exactly sir he said he was giving in and we came over to get him and it turned
23:01out he's an absolute fibber can't we might kill Ashford I'll soon show that job where he gets off now
23:17listen ya you slandered thick-headed nip this is the British army you is dealing with and we
23:23has won and you is lost I thought has just occurred to me Sam he's probably a simple-minded person most of
23:36these Japanese soldiers are but if somebody very important told him that the war was over then he
23:41might believe it it's somebody very important it may have escaped you a notice mr. lardy dark on a
23:47grain but there's nobody of any important here what are you driving at Graham well sir we've still got
23:52all our costumes from last night on the truck you might be able to fool you're right Bumpadier have
23:58you got a Japanese generals outfit no sir we've got Napoleon you might listen to him he's dead how about
24:07Jessica Buzittler he's dead and all your Burke nobody told me I've got it the battle of Britain number
24:18I doubt it but come on hurry up
24:35You know your piece how did it go I have come I have come in a very fast plane
24:58the rest of London to inform you that the war is over and you've got to give up
25:13why did that upset him I think he's a socialist but God's sake do something to
25:33calm him down before he kills us quick bombardier what have you got let's think
25:38there's the cockney number cowboy French Dutch I've got
25:45yes come on
25:48one two
25:52three little maids from school are we
26:00prayers of the school God welcome me
26:02girls that have been where God is free
26:04three little maids from school
26:06three little maids who are unworry
26:08come from a lady's seminary
26:10free from a senior's tutelary
26:12three little maids from school
26:14three little maids from school
26:16whoo
26:21whoo
26:24whoo
26:25whoo
26:26whoo
26:27he likes it
26:28he likes it
26:30ha
26:31we're making progress
26:33What did he say?
26:39Well, I don't know how to put this.
26:42Stay where you are, chaps.
26:44Do you think he wants an uncle?
26:46I don't quite know how to put this, sir.
26:48He says he'll surrender.
26:50Surrender!
26:55On one condition.
26:58He wants the little one in the middle
27:00to come over and spend an hour of enchantment with him.
27:03LAUGHTER
27:04I see you again.
27:08I don't care, Gunner Stuckton.
27:10I wouldn't ask you to do anything I wouldn't do myself.
27:13Unfortunately, your costume wouldn't fit me.
27:16They can let it out.
27:17Shut up.
27:19He's got nothing to worry about, Lofty Boy.
27:21When he's crossing the river in the boat,
27:22I shall swim round behind.
27:24And when he gets there, you will distract his attention
27:26and I'll grab him.
27:28What happens if you're a bit late?
27:30Well, in that case, Lofty Boy,
27:33when your children say to you,
27:34what did you do in the war, Daddy,
27:36you can say,
27:37wait till you grow up and I'll tell you.
27:38LAUGHTER
27:39APPLAUSE
Comments