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00:00Υπότιτλοι AUTHORWAVE
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01:42Ή αντιμετωπίες, να πω πάνω πάνω πάνω από από μία χρήμα,
01:48θα κυβέρεις ένα τέτοιμο στη ίδια της Βαρκής.
01:54Και μΜΙΟ δεν είναι πιο μόνο η μόνο η καταφράγη να μεταφέρει τόνοι μόνο η καταφράγη.
02:00Λέβαια.
02:01Ή είναι η Ιαγκορία Σ-Type R.
02:04Ή είναι η 4.2 λίμος καταφράγης και 400 χρ.
02:10Ωραία καλύτερα, και το Jaguar πρέπει να πρέπει να τελειωθεί όλα αυτά τα χρόνια στις χρόνια στις χρόνια στις χρόνια στις χρόνια.
02:18Αλλά αυτοί έρχονται και μεταφέρει τα σημεία στραγωγή.
02:27Αυτό που έκανε είναι να δημιουργηθεί την αυτορική, αρκετή, αντίσεπτική μόνη από την Α6 και φτιάχνει με την αυτολίτρου 4.2 λιτρή V8.
02:37...which develops an almost unbelievable 450bhp.
02:49That is the same sort of area as Portugal.
02:53You could fit St Paul's Cathedral in 450bhp.
02:57Seven times over.
02:59Seven!
03:02So, it's more powerful than an M5 and it's more obvious, too.
03:06With all this chicken wire at the front and those big flared wheel arches, you just know this thing means business.
03:140-60 takes less than, I don't know, no seconds.
03:19And the top speed is limited to 155mph to keep the German Green Party happy.
03:25But the other day, I was driving this on our test track and I saw 175mph on the speedo.
03:32I reckon if you had a long enough track, you could get it up to 200.
03:39God, it's fast!
03:42So much power!
03:44The RS6 comes as a saloon or as an estate, both for around £58,000.
03:54That's £5,000 more than a BMW M5, but this, I think, is one of the best-made cars on the road today.
04:02A lot of the rock aristocracy drive these fast Audis. Kenny Jones, Mitch Mitchell.
04:17They make their fortunes and then they want something quiet and restrained in the autumn of their years.
04:21But it's like when they make those unplugged albums.
04:24They can never quite resist having 42 lasers and an inflatable pig.
04:29Yes, I want the Audi, I want it restrained, but ooh, look at those wheel arches.
04:33Yes, and the big grill on the front, that's what I want, big fat tyres.
04:37And this is rockstar country.
04:40All the rock aristocracy ends up down here when the 14th album goes double platinum with a sprinkling of myrrh.
04:49This, for instance, is Gordon Sten's back garden, or Wiltshire, as you call it.
04:54Except this bit, which is accountant-nicked, and he hasn't noticed yet.
04:58Everyone down here is in a band, and that makes pulling over and asking for directions a rare treat.
05:11Excuse me, excuse me.
05:13Could you tell me the way to Steve Winwood's house, please?
05:15Steve Winwood, yes.
05:17Up here, till you get to Van Morrison's.
05:20Yeah.
05:21Left, up to Sting's Trout Lake.
05:24Yeah.
05:25Around that, and at the T-Junction by Peter Gabriel's, you make a left.
05:29OK, brilliant, thanks very much.
05:31What band are you in?
05:32Pink Floyd.
05:33Oh, you're the drummer, aren't you?
05:34Sure.
05:35Have you got an Audi?
05:36A few, yes.
05:37Got one of these?
05:38Coming at Christmas.
05:39Thanks very much.
05:40Bye.
05:47I don't blame the rock dinosaurs for choosing the Audi.
05:50You see, it's not just a well-made, but out-of-control volcano.
05:54The power is harnessed by a Quattro four-wheel-drive system, and they've firmed up the suspension a bit.
06:03No. Wrong, Jeremy. Wrong.
06:05Not a bit, it's a lot.
06:07I could live with a hard ride, which is a good job, because I couldn't live without those looks and that power.
06:24This car is a stairway to heaven, a Bohemian Rhapsody.
06:30But unfortunately for the Audi, that's not the end of the story.
06:35It's easily better than the BMW M5 and the Jaguar S-Type are.
06:40But Mercedes, they've gone berserk.
06:43Welcome to the E55.
06:52Welcome to the door of 500 brake horsepower.
06:55Now, I'm not a fan of the E-Class styling.
07:01it looks like a Honda.
07:03And I'm not a fan of Mercedes service and customer care, either.
07:10I am, however, a huge fan of this five and a half litre supercharged V8 engine.
07:16It's the same engine they put in the SL, and in that it sounds like a tornado jet fighter and a NASCAR and a peal of thunder.
07:26They've quietened it down quite a lot in this, I must say, but the power's still here.
07:32If you don't mind doing seven miles to the gallon, this thing absolutely flies.
07:38Yes, it's 3,000 pounds more than the Audi, but you get more.
07:48In a straight line, it's even faster.
07:52A word of warning, though.
07:54In some ways, this car reminds me of the Eurofighter,
07:58which can't fly without the onboard computers constantly adjusting the control surfaces.
08:04And this is the same. It doesn't have four-wheel drive, remember?
08:07And I don't think you could drive it on a day like today,
08:12raining, wet leaves everywhere, without the traction control.
08:16It's constantly working. You can feel it going da-da-da, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da.
08:24Even the tiniest dab of the throttle,
08:27and the light comes on,
08:30telling me that machinery has just kept me out of the ditch.
08:37You are right on the edge. 500 horsepower.
08:42That's as far as you can go.
08:45So, this or the Audi?
08:58Same level of build quality, same size, same interior ambiance.
09:03It's a difficult choice.
09:07But look at it this way.
09:08If the Audi is Keith Moon, wild and flamboyant,
09:11then the Mercedes is Charlie Watts, quiet and unassuming.
09:16Me?
09:17I was always a fan of the Who.
09:20I'd therefore take the Audi.
09:24Was that really the drummer from Pete Floyd?
09:26Yeah, Nick Mason.
09:27On his way to borrow a cup of sugar from Roger Daltrey.
09:31Wow. So, the Merc was the most powerful, yeah?
09:33Yeah.
09:34But which was the quickest on the track?
09:35Round the track, in the dry,
09:36I'm fairly confident it would be the Mercedes, okay?
09:40But, of course, inevitably,
09:41it was raining when we gave them to the Stig,
09:43so the Audi, four-wheel drive, of course,
09:45two and a half seconds faster.
09:47Really?
09:48Yeah, 133. That's the same as the SL or the NSX.
09:51That is a very, very, very quick car.
09:54Really quick, all the time.
09:55Amazing.
09:56The thing is, though,
09:57that, um, with this power trip
09:59the Germans are currently engaged on, okay?
10:01BMW 400, then Audi at 450,
10:04and then Mercedes at 476.
10:05Yeah.
10:06We've got this graph to see where that's going, okay?
10:08Right.
10:09Here we are in 2002, 400 brake horsepower.
10:11You follow that through,
10:13by the year 2008,
10:15we're at a thousand million brake horsepower.
10:19Wow.
10:20And this is the distance from here to the moon.
10:23Right.
10:24Okay.
10:25So this week's show is all about driver's cars,
10:27and that set us thinking,
10:28is it possible to turn anything,
10:30I mean anything at all,
10:31into a driver's car?
10:33Well, to investigate this,
10:34we found a bloke who owns a larder,
10:36and we nicked it.
10:41This is the Lotus headquarters in Hethel, Norfolk,
10:44and this is Paul Sherwood's 1.5e larder.
10:49Six years old and worth about 200 quid.
10:54Taking on Mission Ridiculous is Chris Arnold,
11:01General Manager of Lotus Sport and Performance.
11:03Excellent.
11:04So this is it, then?
11:05Yep, this is the larder.
11:06This is the project car.
11:07Oh, my word.
11:08I don't know much about larders.
11:09How long have you had it?
11:10I've had it just under a year.
11:12Larders are in the blood.
11:13Once they're in the blood,
11:14you can't get rid of them.
11:15They're good cars.
11:17I was going to talk about aerodynamics,
11:18but I'm not really that sure what we could do with it.
11:20It's fairly box-like, isn't it?
11:22Yeah.
11:24There's the blackness that is a larder interior.
11:26Oh, it's fairly dingy in there, isn't it?
11:28Yep.
11:29An old steering wheel, again,
11:30it's perhaps not very fashionable.
11:32You can abuse them, hurl bricks at them.
11:35They're just solid, rugged cars.
11:38There's your bog-standard larder 1500 unit.
11:42Yeah, yeah.
11:43I think it's basically a Russian tractor engine.
11:46To be honest,
11:47I don't really think it's worthwhile doing much for this.
11:49What I'd like to do is I'd like to rip it out
11:51and put a new engine in.
11:53Always willing to help,
11:55we spent 200 quid and bought him another engine.
11:58I'm a bit worried that they're going to do something hideous to it.
12:01To assess the scale of the task ahead on ride and handling,
12:05Lotus let loose their top man, Gavin Kershaw.
12:31This has to be the worst car ever.
12:41It's not every day that Russell Carr and his design team get their hands on a larder.
12:51If we get the wheels and tyres right, the ride height right as well,
12:55it's going to give the car a much stronger stance.
12:57Get the wheel-to-body relationship correct as well.
13:00So there's 500 quid of carbon fiber there.
13:02That's worth more than a car.
13:04Colour, well, that's debatable,
13:06but black is obviously going to lose some of the dodgy detailing that we've got.
13:10We'll actually clean that surface right through there.
13:12That could be quite nice.
13:14We're just going to have to rip the bumper off and see what it looks like.
13:18So maybe we can blend these two together,
13:21ditch the centre console, remove that,
13:23maybe the parcel tray,
13:25put a sort of aluminium wrap underneath,
13:27clean that up across there,
13:28and maybe pick up some silver detailing on it
13:30so it still has a sporty feel, a little bit more like something.
13:33The owner was actually worried that you guys are going to spoil the look of it.
13:37Well...
13:40We hope we don't prove him wrong.
13:43Well, it's a tough job, but if anybody can do it,
13:45it's those plucky boys at Lotus.
13:47I mean, they can make voxels handle and protons.
13:50So we'll find out how they do with the larder later.
13:53But first, the news.
13:55Absolutely.
13:56And we'll start off with a story about parking.
13:58Now, Rio Ferdinand,
14:00who apparently is a footballist of some kind.
14:03All right.
14:04Who does he play for?
14:05Manchester United.
14:06Manchester United.
14:07Oh, that's how he's able to afford an Aston Martin vanquish.
14:09And he should be able to pay the £40 ticket he got
14:12for not parking it within the box
14:14which wasn't wide enough for the car.
14:16Well, shouldn't the box be wide enough for a car?
14:19It would make sense, wouldn't it, really?
14:20Yeah, he's lucky.
14:21I got a ticket the other day,
14:22and I kid you not, for being parked badly.
14:27Since when did it become like ice skating?
14:29Well, I'm all standing there.
14:30No, I don't think that is well parked.
14:32Four, and only three from the Nigerian judge.
14:36And that's kind of negative as well.
14:37If they're going to do that,
14:38it's got to be carrot and stick,
14:39so they need to do something positive.
14:41If they think you've parked particularly well,
14:42they should commend you,
14:43maybe give you a rosette on your windscreen.
14:45Yeah, a book token.
14:46That's not useful.
14:48Yeah.
14:49While we're on the subject of parking,
14:50I, um, you know where we nail this program together?
14:53It's in the middle of London, okay?
14:54There's a multi-storey car park next door,
14:56two hours, nine pounds in there.
14:58So if you're two hours and five minutes, 18 quid.
15:01Well, I went into Oxford last weekend,
15:03parked on double yellow lines,
15:05right outside where I wanted to be, okay?
15:07Took the children out for lunch,
15:09went to see James Bond,
15:10got back five hours later,
15:12twenty quid parking ticket.
15:14That's pretty reasonable as well, five pounds.
15:17You invented valet park, didn't you?
15:20I did, valet parking.
15:21I was, um, used to live in Fulham,
15:23right next to the car pound in London,
15:25so you could drive up to the West End,
15:27have a few drinks, leave the car,
15:29wobble home, best way you could,
15:31wake up in the morning,
15:32they towed it home for you.
15:35It was pricey, but kind of worth it.
15:39Right, news from Citroen.
15:40The Blingo Multispass looked at
15:42in the very beginning of the series, Jeremy,
15:44and we all agreed, fantastic car.
15:45I mean, great family car,
15:47car-like ride and all the rest of it,
15:49but best of all, cheap.
15:50Well, this is the new one.
15:52I say, you know, it's not like new, new,
15:53it's a bit of a facelift,
15:54but it does look prettier.
15:55But the really important thing is,
15:57it's still prettier.
15:58Yes, I was going to say,
15:59prettier is a relative.
16:00Prettier is a relative.
16:01That's like,
16:02if you got Ann Widdicombe
16:03and hit her on the forehead
16:04with a light tap from a hammer.
16:06She'd look prettier.
16:07That's what I was saying.
16:08It's prettier.
16:09It's prettier.
16:10Yeah.
16:11But the most important thing,
16:13looks aside,
16:14is you get all of that package
16:15and it's cheap,
16:16and it still is
16:17because they're still doing
16:18the same VAT back deal
16:19until the end of the year,
16:20which means it's about eight grand.
16:21That's actually a lot of car for eight grand.
16:22I know.
16:23It's still a good one.
16:24Here we go.
16:25Astra.
16:26Oh, we've been waiting for it.
16:27No, come on.
16:28Hot Astra.
16:29200 brake horsepower, okay,
16:31but 16 and a half grand.
16:33That's three and a half grand cheaper
16:34than the RS Focus.
16:35nearly as much power.
16:36The thing I can't work out,
16:38I know, I know,
16:40but back in the old days,
16:41200 brake horsepower in a Cosi,
16:42it was a really quick car.
16:43Yeah.
16:440-60 on this seven seconds.
16:45Which is quick,
16:46but it's not like...
16:47Yeah, but RS Focus.
16:48That's a Vauxhall,
16:49you glittering idiots.
16:50That's it.
16:51Here's the V.
16:52Nobody's going to buy one in the end.
16:53Okay.
16:54Now...
16:55The Audi TT.
16:56Now, it was agreed that,
16:57on your cool board,
16:58what you did think of
16:59and put all the cars on
17:00without asking anyone,
17:01that the TT had been cool
17:02and it had kind of slipped...
17:04Well, you didn't...
17:05But let's ask this,
17:06is the Audi TT cool?
17:07Hands up if you think it's cool.
17:08Hands up if you think it's uncool.
17:10There you go.
17:11Uncool.
17:12Absolutely.
17:13Well, they've obviously listened to this.
17:14The cool board is taking effect.
17:15So they've put a bigger engine into it,
17:17V6, 3.2 litre,
17:19about 240 brake horsepower.
17:20It's the one out of the R32.
17:21But...
17:22To kind of cool it up.
17:23240 brake, it's 225 anyway,
17:25so it's 15 brake horsepower more.
17:26You've got a heavier engine.
17:27It will be, yeah.
17:28It's not going to be much quicker.
17:29So it's probably not that much quicker.
17:30But, here's the exciting stuff.
17:32It has a very exciting gearbox.
17:37It's called DSG.
17:38It's not one of those
17:39stupid Formula One things, is it?
17:41Well...
17:42I didn't know,
17:43so rang Audi and said,
17:44can you send me some stuff on it?
17:45And here it is.
17:46And they did.
17:47And it's great,
17:48because it explains it for you.
17:49Well...
17:50Well, basically.
17:51The control logic,
17:52integrated into the transmission casing,
17:53maintains optimum gear shift strategies
17:54that perform lightning-fast gear shifts
17:56nevertheless smooth and...
17:57No, you're not reading...
17:58No, don't just rush it.
17:59Don't get it. Look.
18:00What is that?
18:01You were reading that bit?
18:02Yeah.
18:03Okay, it's the way you read it, okay?
18:04Okay.
18:05Bit of fesp here.
18:06As on conventional manual gearboxes,
18:08the transmission radios are present on input and auxiliary shafts
18:12in the form of pairs of toothed wheels.
18:16In contrast to manual gearboxes,
18:17the input shaft is divided into two sections.
18:20It comprises an outer hollow shaft and...
18:22Oh, look.
18:23How many engineers here?
18:25Is there anyone here who has a first tiny grasp of engineering?
18:28I mean, is it an automatic or a manual either?
18:30Have you? You have.
18:31Look, I'm gonna give you this.
18:32By the end of we've finished the news,
18:33I want to understand that gearbox.
18:34Work it out as your homework.
18:37Discuss it, and we have no clue what it is.
18:39And don't buy that car,
18:40because the gearbox doesn't work.
18:42I'd love to make the dealer up and say,
18:44this gearbox...
18:45Don't know, mate.
18:46Don't know.
18:47Is it an automatic or a manual?
18:49It's witchcraft.
18:50It's what it is.
18:53The one thing we have worked out about it...
18:55Seriously, we have been in the office all week.
18:57Now, one thing we have worked out about is it says
19:00that it's able to tell...
19:01It's got two clutches,
19:02and it's able to tell...
19:04It has the next gear ready.
19:06Okay?
19:07Ready for you to change.
19:08So you're in third, accelerating.
19:09How does it know what you want next?
19:12And what I think, when you're accelerating,
19:13is it gonna want fourth?
19:14You go, well, I'm in second.
19:15Oh, shit, I've got that.
19:18Now, last week,
19:19we set out to find Britain's fastest faith.
19:22Okay?
19:23And this week,
19:24we are searching for Britain's fastest
19:26white van driver.
19:28We asked for applicants
19:29a few weeks ago on the show,
19:31and this is how many we got on emails.
19:35Now, we weeded out the psychotics,
19:37and we were left with five.
19:39And starting at this end, we have...
19:44I'm Don from Kent.
19:45Don from Kent, and you drive a...
19:47Ford Escort.
19:48Color?
19:49White.
19:50Course, and what do you listen to in it?
19:51Steely Dan.
19:52Steely Dan.
19:53Are you a fan of Pretzel Logic?
19:55Goucho.
19:56Goucho.
19:57I'm more of a Ricky,
19:58don't lose that number.
19:59I...
20:00Yeah, lovely song.
20:01Well, I hope you win.
20:02I like them more.
20:03I hope you win.
20:04Sorry, guys.
20:05I like Steely Dan.
20:06You presumably like Bon Jovi.
20:07Yes.
20:08How do you know?
20:09Because I can tell these things.
20:11You haven't shaved.
20:12She's poor.
20:13What's your mother gonna say?
20:14Anyway, what do you drive?
20:16My pride and joy.
20:18Nissan Vanette.
20:19Yes.
20:20Okay, and you are a...
20:21Heating engineer.
20:22A plumber.
20:23And...
20:24You are...
20:25John Watrick.
20:26You listen to what?
20:27Tom Jones.
20:28Tom Jones?
20:35Obviously, you work for the Royal Mail.
20:37She's slightly psychopathic.
20:39And what do you drive?
20:40Leyland Daff Vans.
20:41Leyland Daff.
20:42Okay.
20:43You are...
20:44Dale Miller.
20:45For...
20:46NTL.
20:47NTL.
20:48Who dig up the roads.
20:49Make our lives a misery.
20:50Okay, and what do you drive?
20:51Peugeot Expert.
20:52Peugeot Expert.
20:53Stupid name.
20:54And you are...
20:55Steve Hogan from Amersham.
20:56From Amersham.
20:57And you work for...
20:58Iceland.
20:59Lovely country.
21:00What do you listen to?
21:01The Bee Gees.
21:02The Bee Gees.
21:03I'm with Don.
21:04I'm hoping he wins.
21:05Anyway, they've already been out.
21:07And we'll be seeing how they got on later.
21:10Yeah, we'll see what happens.
21:12Right, back in the 1980s.
21:13About the most fun you could have in a car was in a supermini.
21:16They were simple and uncomplicated.
21:18And you could go berserk without going so fast you got yourself into trouble.
21:22Since then, superminis have got bigger, heavier and better equipped and faster.
21:26Which is all good.
21:28But what if you still just want to have something that's fun to drive?
21:31Are you stuck?
21:32Well, let's find out.
21:39Last year, one in three cars bought was a supermini.
21:43So these things are everywhere.
21:45We've not gone crazy here.
21:47We've picked the mid-range 1.4 litre versions of each car just to keep it real.
21:52And the first of them is the mid-est range of all, the Ford Fiesta.
21:57It's a typical Ford, so it's got everything you need in terms of kit,
22:01but it's all slotted into one of the single ugliest dashes I've ever seen.
22:07That's nasty.
22:08One place where it does fare well is the drive.
22:11I mean, it's not, you know, scintillating, but it really isn't bad.
22:15It's getting close to that nice, nippy little car feel that we're looking for.
22:23The old Fiesta drove well too, but had absolutely no rear seat space.
22:27They've sold that one, and now there is, well, some.
22:30For £9,995, you do get air conditioning, but not much else.
22:35But it's big problem is, it's just so dull, inside and out.
22:39You better park it somewhere obvious, or you might just forget you've bought it.
22:44In turning out the new Fiesta, Ford have managed to move the small car market on not one inch.
22:50All they've done is look inwards and put right the problems with the old one.
22:54This looks promising, though. The Citroen C3, spiritual successor to the 2CV.
23:06It's far, far funkier than the Fiesta.
23:09Which is a surprise, coming from Citroen, who have, in recent years,
23:13churned out cars blander than chicken in a white sauce.
23:17It's kind of light and airy and happy in here.
23:20And like a lot of French cars, I suspect that, although it is flimsy,
23:24once all the extraneous bits of trim and stuff have dropped off, after about a week,
23:29the rest of the car will just keep on going. Forever, probably.
23:33And on the way, you'll enjoy a smooth and comfortable ride, if not a fast one.
23:39There are plenty of cutesy touches inside, but it doesn't actually do anything clever,
23:43apart from having plenty of storage.
23:45After all, an air vent is still an air vent.
23:47And a door handle, once it's opened a door, has kind of peaked, really.
23:58But it's got personality in its own cute way.
24:02So, the C3 is cute, but not clever.
24:12For that, you need to look at the far-brainier Honda Jazz.
24:15Right now, it's a huge hit, flying out of the showrooms faster than dealers can get them in.
24:21If any car sums up what people want from superminis right now, it's this.
24:32It really does feel massive in here for what is still a small car.
24:37Really, really impressively big. And that's very clever.
24:40It's every inch of the little tiny mini MPV.
24:43But with that, you do get the downsides of an MPV, because it's all one big box.
24:49It's very boomy. Noise reverberates around it.
24:52And to drive, it just feels a bit top-heavy.
24:55It's not exactly poised, and that's the price you pay.
24:58You can't have MPV qualities and size, and still have the driving attributes of a nippy little car.
25:04But where it really falls down for the Jazz is on price.
25:09You'll pay $10,300 for a mid-range model, and you'll still have to pay extra for a CD player or alloy wheels.
25:23But where the Jazz goes for big car space, the selling point of the funky-looking new Nissan Micra is gadgets.
25:29Some you don't even need.
25:31How sad have you got to be that you need your car to wish you a happy birthday?
25:37I prefer to have friends.
25:40It's built in Sunderland, Europe's most quality-control-obsessed car plant.
25:45And for the same money as a poorly-equipped Jazz, you'll get a fully-loaded Micra,
25:50where you do get alloys, a CD player, and that big car toy, keyless ignition.
25:55And I haven't finished yet.
25:57The windscreen wipers come on automatically when it rains.
26:01We've got parking sensors to make it easier to brake, ready for impact as you reverse into the car behind you.
26:07I've got controls for the stereo on the steering wheel.
26:10There's proper climate control, not just air conditioning, climate control.
26:15It is comfortable and refined, but even though it's the epitome of today's grown-up superminis,
26:25if you're yearning for some of that 1980s small car fizz and crackle, you're going to have to look elsewhere.
26:31The MG ZR. Spoilers, spotlights, garish paint. Fantastic.
26:39It's 1983.
26:41True, it's as subtle as Brigitte Bardot in a Basque, but you can't help looking, can you?
26:47I've got something to say to you.
26:49I want to say that my car is true.
26:53I want to say that my car is true.
26:55I want to say that my car is true.
26:57I want to say that my car is true.
26:59It's like a hundred dollar, I need you.
27:01This is far, far closer to the original feel of little cars.
27:05No apologies, no compromises.
27:08It is a small car and it's all the better for it.
27:14Now remember, we haven't gone for the top spec, hot versions of these cars.
27:18So this is the basic 1.4 engine ZR.
27:22And still feels a bit special.
27:2510 grand buys a ZR 105 with 105 brake horsepower.
27:31That's at least 20 horsepower more than anything else we're looking at.
27:36It is amazingly dated in here.
27:38I mean, there's been, I don't think, any effort to make it look, well, anything really.
27:43It's really quite unpleasant.
27:45But that isn't putting me off.
27:47Because the moment you pull away, all that work on the suspension,
27:50all that clever stuff underneath means you can just feel it's that bit more purposeful.
27:55It wants to go.
27:59All right, so it's a Rover 200 underneath.
28:01But it really does deserve its MG badge.
28:05Do you know what I mean?
28:06That kind of, you can feel what's going on underneath.
28:10But it doesn't shake any of the bits of your body off.
28:14And it loves corners.
28:15And it really does.
28:17This is a fun car.
28:20Ugly.
28:21But great fun.
28:22Oh no, isn't it?
28:28So, if you want a practical car...
28:30It's got to be the Honda Jazz, yeah.
28:31The producers just bought one.
28:32The practical man.
28:33In this colour.
28:34Yeah.
28:37And if you want a sporty car...
28:39It's got to be the MG ZR.
28:40It was two seconds faster around our track than all the others.
28:43Two seconds?
28:44Two seconds, which is a big difference.
28:45And the thing is, okay, it is based on an old Rover 200,
28:48which in turn is based on a Brontosaurus.
28:51But MG have done such a good job of turning it into a driver's car.
28:54It's the one to go for, if you want that kind of thing.
28:57And the point is, if MG can do that with the Rover,
29:00what are Lotus going to have done with the Lada?
29:03With just two weeks to turn Paul's Lada into something special,
29:11Lotus threw every ounce of their expertise into finishing on time.
29:15The shopping list includes new brakes,
29:19a handmade exhaust system,
29:21special Lotus black paint from the East Building Coachworks,
29:25and hand-finished seats from the trim shop.
29:30Remember that lump of rust in the workshop?
29:3335 brake horsepower is now 180.
29:49Two weeks and a thousand hours of work after Paul dropped his baby off at the workshop.
29:54It was time, finally, to be reunited.
29:57Right, we're going to stop here.
29:59Right.
30:00Now, before we do anything else,
30:01have a listen to this.
30:09What do you think that is?
30:10I took the exhaust off.
30:12Take your blindfold off and have a look.
30:13Let's do this.
30:14You feeling all right?
30:15Here we go.
30:16The truth!
30:17Blimey!
30:18What do you think?
30:19That is excellent.
30:20Let's go and have a look at the thing.
30:21Good God!
30:22It's a pretty thorough job, isn't it?
30:24I should say.
30:25It's beautiful.
30:26Are you going to feel good?
30:27That's a work of art.
30:28Chris, you've met Chris before, haven't you?
30:29I've come back now.
30:30What have you got to say to Chris?
30:31Thank you very much.
30:32I think so.
30:33Thank you.
30:34It's absolutely beautiful.
30:35It's over a thousand hours going into this, Paul.
30:37Oh my God.
30:38A thousand.
30:39And that's a thousand hours of not just anybody,
30:41Lotus people.
30:42Yeah.
30:43The best there are.
30:44It's absolutely gorgeous.
30:45Are you pleased with it?
30:46I'm really pleased with it.
30:47I mean, when the car first arrived,
30:49and the alternator failed,
30:50and the wheel trims fell off,
30:51it was a bit sort of,
30:52oh, what we let ourselves in for.
30:54But the more we got into it,
30:55I thought, yeah,
30:56we can make something out of this car.
30:57Oh, yes, of course.
30:58Under the bonnet,
30:59do you remember we checked the engine
31:01for a Fiat Twin Cam?
31:02Because the old larder lump was destroyed.
31:04That looks a lot better than the...
31:05It's the same engine.
31:06...kaggy lump that was originally on that salad.
31:08It's the same one.
31:09Well, we had a bit of help,
31:10all the Lotus guys brought in,
31:11guy who is probably one of the leading authorities
31:14in the world on this,
31:15ex-Formula-1, ex-engineer as well,
31:17knows what he's doing.
31:18In fact, you stay there while you're looking at it,
31:19and I'm just going to get this,
31:20he wrote the book on it,
31:21literally wrote the book on the thing,
31:23and you've done a thorough job on it.
31:24Where's Rob?
31:25Rob, come here.
31:26You are lead technician, yeah?
31:28That's your official term.
31:29I've heard rumors that you literally haven't stopped,
31:31and do you know what?
31:32You look dreadful.
31:34Get some sleep.
31:35Stop thinking about this car.
31:37Then there's Gav,
31:38who we've seen before,
31:39and you've met Gav,
31:40because he drove your hunk of garbage when he killed it.
31:44So I think it's time to take you out
31:46and scare you out of your wits.
31:48Well, good luck.
32:05It's certainly different.
32:06It's a hell of a different.
32:10What you have to watch now is,
32:11you actually get something called a wheel spin.
32:14Whee!
32:15You can power slide.
32:18Thank you, wheel spin.
32:23I think I'd be too petrified to do that myself.
32:28It's a beast.
32:36So there we are,
32:37proof that any car can be converted into a decent driver's car,
32:42given, you know, a team of ten men and a fortnight,
32:46and £100,000,
32:48which is what this would have cost
32:50if you'd have gone to Lotus and asked for it yourself.
32:52So you, Paul,
32:54better look grateful.
32:56Very grateful.
32:57No, no, look it.
32:59More grateful than that to the Lotus people.
33:02in fact, get on your knees.
33:03Thank you.
33:04Get on your knees.
33:05Thank you.
33:06On your stomach, actually.
33:07Get on your stomach.
33:08On the floor.
33:16Now, every week,
33:17we put a star in our reasonably priced car.
33:20And this week, he's more than just a star.
33:22He's a knight.
33:23Ladies and gentlemen,
33:24Sir Michael Gambon.
33:34Now, this week's show, predominantly about driver's cars.
33:38Oh.
33:39Does that fit with your...
33:41Well, not really,
33:42because I, Jeremy, I spend, being an actor,
33:44I spend the whole of my life stuck in West End traffic.
33:47Go in the bus lanes.
33:48That's what I mean.
33:49You can go really fast in bus lanes.
33:51I know.
33:52I've tried that.
33:53But I get head up.
33:54You've got a Ferrari, though.
33:55Yeah, but it's not the sort of Ferrari you should own, I'm told.
33:57Every time I mess with my Ferrari, it's a 3-4-8.
34:00Oh, no, that's a shocking one.
34:01Yeah, they say I should have known it.
34:03So, I don't care.
34:04I like it.
34:05Now, the thing I've enjoyed,
34:08I've enjoyed you in a number of different things over the years,
34:10but the one thing is longitude.
34:12Yeah.
34:13Just the most fantastic thing.
34:14John Harrison, the man who invented the...
34:16the device for telling where you are in the sea.
34:19Yeah.
34:20Now, is there a bit of him in you, this kind of fiddly?
34:22Oh, yeah.
34:23Really?
34:24Because I have a big engineering workshop at home.
34:26Um, and I make things and...
34:28What sort of things?
34:29Um, I, uh, also anything that goes...
34:32Clocks, bits of machinery.
34:34And you fly as well, don't you?
34:35Yeah.
34:36I'm not too good at that because the...
34:38Once I was taking another actor who was frightened of flying,
34:41Um, I, I, I, I convinced him to get in my plane,
34:45and I'd prove to him how safe it was.
34:47He was gonna go in a jumbo jet,
34:49and I said, well, my one's similar.
34:50You know, it's, uh...
34:52It's...
34:53It's basically the same.
34:55But when I got over the Thames heading north,
34:57before London City Airport opened,
34:59I feigned a heart attack.
35:07Because there's something inside me
35:08that always wants to fool around.
35:10And I was a bit bored,
35:11and, uh, we were 2,000 feet going to a lip switch,
35:13and I went...
35:20I'll put a bit of left rudder on,
35:21and held it for about 10 seconds.
35:23So the plane was then just...
35:24We were doing like that.
35:25You see Tower Bridge on my left.
35:27And, um...
35:28But you'd expect him to go mad, wouldn't you?
35:30Well, yeah.
35:31If you were making a film of that.
35:32But he did nothing.
35:33What, just sat there?
35:34He just froze.
35:35He was prepared to crash and burn rather than...
35:37He was prepared to die.
35:38I then came round and apologised,
35:39and I can't tell you what he said.
35:44Are you still friends?
35:45I don't see you anymore.
35:48Remind me never to get on a plane with you.
35:50Yeah.
35:51I was gonna say,
35:52when you were at, like, the RSC...
35:53Yeah.
35:54...and doing the Shakespeare...
35:55You sit in the changing room,
35:56in the changing room,
35:57there's a dressing room,
35:58with a car magazine.
35:59Well, I've just done a play at the Royal Court.
36:01Which is a writer's,
36:02very serious writer's theatre.
36:04And that's a way to annoy people,
36:05to sit there with a car magazine.
36:07So that's why they do all the time.
36:08Look, with Dame Maggie Smith.
36:09Yeah.
36:10Dame Maggie, look at the 50 to 70 time on this.
36:14Yeah.
36:15They hate that.
36:16No, I think she quite likes cars.
36:17I don't know.
36:18Really?
36:19Yeah.
36:20Of course, if she wants to come on,
36:21try our luck in the Suzuki.
36:23Do you get over to Hollywood much?
36:25Kick around with the stars?
36:26Yeah.
36:27Yeah, I've done a bit.
36:28I've done about a half a dozen films in Hollywood.
36:31Christian Slater took me out in his Beetle.
36:34He's got a great trick.
36:35He gets on the PCH.
36:37The...
36:38Pacific Coast Highway.
36:39Highway, yeah.
36:40Top flat out,
36:41and then steers it using the quarter lights.
36:44What?
36:45Yeah.
36:46Explain the logic behind that.
36:48Well, there's no logic, but...
36:50So what sort of...
36:51If you sit on the handbrake...
36:52What sort of cars are you in?
36:53A Beetle.
36:54A Volkswagen Beetle.
36:55Yeah.
36:56Got quite big quarter lights.
36:57They don't have them now, do they?
36:58No, well, they don't make the Beetle anymore.
36:59Well, they do that modern thing,
37:00which is a goal for the Mexican car.
37:01But he goes like that, you see.
37:02And by moving the quarter lights,
37:04they act like aircraft rudders.
37:06And you can steer the car.
37:08So I'm sitting in the back,
37:12in the back of his Beetle.
37:13He's sitting in the middle of the car,
37:15like a McLaren,
37:16doing this.
37:17I just...
37:18I have to do this, okay?
37:19You're sitting in the car,
37:20with Christian Slater.
37:21How did this conversation crop up?
37:23Did he just suddenly say,
37:24hey, I've got a great idea?
37:26No, we were talking about
37:27fully around in cars,
37:28and he said, I'll show you a very good one.
37:29He just did this for me.
37:30And then you told him about
37:31failing a heart attack.
37:32Yes.
37:33That'd be a really good one.
37:34Of course, we're not here to simply talk about
37:36what you've had, what you do,
37:38Christian Slater.
37:39No.
37:40You're here to try your hand,
37:41in our Suzuki Liana.
37:43Oh, don't.
37:44Now, you've been watching the show,
37:45yeah?
37:46Yeah.
37:47You've seen all these people have a go.
37:48This is the sort of ball...
37:49Obviously, Harry Enfield,
37:50not in the ballpark at all.
37:51He's way off the bottom there.
37:52But everyone else is sort of in this...
37:54Was it wet or dry when you went out?
37:55Very wet.
37:56Very wet.
37:57Very wet.
37:58Yeah.
37:59Again, another wet lamp.
38:00Shall we see what happened?
38:01No, don't.
38:02No, I'm afraid we're going to.
38:03Let's run the tape.
38:08Now, this is quite good.
38:09Oh.
38:10Oh, God.
38:11That's like...
38:12You had to look at the gear leave
38:13with the change there.
38:14Yes, I did.
38:15Which is kind of like reading,
38:16moving your lips.
38:17Yeah.
38:18Which I suppose is what you do for a living, really.
38:19You do...
38:20You've just...
38:21I have to say,
38:22is this acting or are you really?
38:23No, I'm not.
38:24I didn't even know there was a camera there.
38:26You do look quite scared.
38:29Tyres!
38:30Oh!
38:32You were very close to the tyres there.
38:34I don't know where you're supposed to be.
38:35No, well, it was beautifully...
38:36Actually...
38:37You're off the...
38:39You hear...
38:40Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
38:49Now, you said to me before we went out,
38:54you said,
38:55can you roll it?
38:56And I said, no, no, no.
38:58No, I didn't mean...
38:59I thought, would it roll?
39:00Well, yes, plainly on the evidence.
39:04Was that a bit frightening?
39:06Yeah, I was really frightened then.
39:07Well, I mean, that was fully in the air.
39:08I hope we ought to see that again.
39:10Can we see that again?
39:11Can we play it in slow motion for us?
39:13Here we go.
39:14Let's have a look at this.
39:15Off the road that...
39:16Can you hit that?
39:17Yeah.
39:18Oh!
39:23Brilliant, isn't it?
39:24It was beautiful.
39:25Car control.
39:26Was that on your timed lap?
39:27Yeah.
39:28What was my time?
39:29Shall we find out what his time was?
39:30Yes!
39:31It was including that, frankly, spectacular moment.
39:35You didn't hurt the car, did you, by any chance?
39:36Yeah.
39:37I've got the...
39:38I've got to bring it back.
39:39The wing mirror came off.
39:41You've damaged our reasonably priced car.
39:44I was going to bring it in with me, but...
39:46Well, never mind.
39:47There we go.
39:48Michael Gambon.
39:50There we are.
39:51Wet.
39:52Another wet day.
39:53And you did it in one minute.
39:56What do you think?
39:57No idea.
39:58One minute, 55 seconds, ladies and gentlemen.
40:02two seconds faster than Jonathan Ross, and that was on a dry track.
40:13Oh, really?
40:14You know the Stig, he took you out to show you where to go.
40:17Yeah.
40:18He said, when you first took the wheel, that you have the best appreciation of racing lines,
40:23of anyone that's been on the show so far.
40:26Ooh.
40:27He said most of the just young kids, it's all, mm-mm-mm, but you were much more the old bull.
40:32More Jackie Stewart.
40:33No, he didn't say that, actually.
40:37Maybe we should get Jackie Stewart on one day.
40:39Yeah, yeah.
40:40I thought it was Jackie Stewart.
40:42What, you thought you were?
40:43The Stig.
40:44Oh, you thought the Stig was?
40:45Yes.
40:46He's putting on an accent.
40:47Have you any idea who he is?
40:48No, he's putting on an accent, isn't he?
40:50I don't know.
40:51I honestly have no clue who the Stig is.
40:53We thought it might be Maureen from driving school.
40:58But then the way it holds the power slides, I'm not sure it is.
41:00Yeah, I don't know.
41:01But he talks in a French accent, but it's not.
41:03He took me out in the A6 and the R-
41:05The RS6.
41:06And frightened the s*** out of me.
41:12I didn't think it was possible to drive a car that fast around corners.
41:16And was he very sideways?
41:17Oh.
41:18You were looking out of the side window.
41:19Yeah, I felt sick at the end of it.
41:22Well, it's been enormous fun having you here.
41:25Ladies and gentlemen, Sir Michael Gambon.
41:37This week's insider trader news is all about new cars.
41:41Now, 2002 is going to be an absolute record year for new car registrations.
41:452.5 million new cars sold.
41:47That's about 80,000 more than last year.
41:49And last year was a record as well.
41:50Now, there's a huge amount of pride at stake between the manufacturers as to who sells the
41:54most, who's second, who's third.
41:56Top place, number one is going to be Ford.
41:58We know that.
41:59Number two will be Vauxhall GM.
42:00Number three will be Peugeot.
42:02But there's a catfight for fourth place, basically, between Renault and Volkswagen.
42:06Now, the outcome of that is that Volkswagen are desperate to get fourth place.
42:10I've done a deal with their dealers and basically they've given them some Polos, some Golfs and
42:15some Passats and they've given them about a 30% discount on some of those cars.
42:18Now, what that translates into is something like a Passat, two litre, S, great car, 14,600
42:25quid normally.
42:26You can go and buy that car at the moment.
42:27They're being offered out there for 11,995.
42:29Now, that's a good deal because the Passat is a really good car and it's not overpriced
42:34usually.
42:35So, at that kind of money.
42:36Well, at that kind of money, it's about the same price as a new Volkswagen Golf, 2,700
42:40pound off.
42:41They're out there to be had at the moment.
42:43Fantastic deal.
42:44Now, Suzuki Liana, we started off a reasonably priced car, 9,995.
42:48Yeah, then we had dealers say, no, we're doing one for 8,995, then 7,995.
42:52This week, I had an email from a dealer up north, can't give the name, but they've got
42:56a powder blue one just like our car, Aircon, ABS, airbags, 7,495.
43:01So what, is nobody buying those cars despite us putting it on the telly every week?
43:05Couldn't possibly say.
43:067,495.
43:07That's a cheap car.
43:08That's insanely reasonable.
43:09Big time.
43:10And finally, pre-registered cars.
43:11Okay, this is something that manufacturers do to try to bump the registrations up.
43:16Basically, register a whole bunch of cars in their own name, and then kind of try to
43:20sell them later.
43:21So they haven't sold them, but it just gets more numbers.
43:23So it's all part of this battle to get fourth place or whatever.
43:26Yeah, absolutely.
43:27To appear to have sold more cars.
43:28Yep.
43:29Gotcha.
43:30And eventually, they've got to find homes, so they come onto the market as used cars.
43:31But I mean, if you buy one, when you come to sell it, it's going to have two owners
43:34on it.
43:35It's going to be you and a manufacturer.
43:36It doesn't make a huge difference to the van, it really doesn't.
43:38But it does make a difference to the price you pay now.
43:40This week, I was offered a Renault Scenic.
43:42Remember?
43:43Renault trying to chase for fourth place at the minute.
43:45That car's normally twelve and a half grand.
43:47That's a 1.4.
43:48It's got aircon.
43:49It's got alloys.
43:50Proper car.
43:51That's going to be me this week for nine grand.
43:52Now, that's a really useful family car for nine grand.
43:54It'll have no miles on it.
43:55No.
43:56And you'll be fine.
43:57Delivery mileage.
43:58Next to nothing.
43:59If you want to go cheaper, how about this?
44:00Ford Focus, 1.4 CL, three-door.
44:02That car's normally about ten and a half grand.
44:04Pick one of those up at the moment.
44:06Pre-registered for seven, nine, nine, five.
44:08Good price.
44:09Yeah.
44:10And then finally, if you want to go really cheap, remember last week, Ford car, normally
44:13six and a half grand.
44:14Some dealers were banging them out.
44:15four, nine, nine, five.
44:16How about this an option?
44:17Pre-registered, Fiat Punto Mia, 1.2, three-door, four, nine, nine, five.
44:24Now, in the 1940s and the 1950s, a Maserati was as exotic and as unattainable as a banana
44:31or nylon.
44:33It was as desirable, come to think of it, as a banana in a nylon sock.
44:38But, by the time I was old enough to notice, a Maserati was a broken-down biturbo at the
44:43side of the M1.
44:44Now, however, Maserati has been taken over by Ferrari.
44:49And they're supposed to be chic and tropical all over again.
45:10This is the latest model.
45:12You've seen the coupe styling before.
45:14It's not very nice.
45:15And the new rear lights don't help.
45:17But, there's something else.
45:22It's got a new engine.
45:25It's got a new engine.
45:264.2-litre V8 replaces the old 3.2-litre turbo.
45:31And that develops nearly 400 brake horsepower.
45:35Well, what good's that in this day and age?
45:38Nearly 400.
45:40It's like being nearly six feet tall.
45:43Nearly winning the lottery.
45:50Then we step inside, past these elegant hinges and this dainty welding, to find that it is a proper four-seater.
45:59We also find a clock such as you would give to Dave Brent on his retirement.
46:04And we find something which Maserati calls Cambio Corsa.
46:08We call it stupid flappy Formula One gearbox.
46:14Great.
46:18And it won't start.
46:19Why won't it start?
46:22Look at it.
46:23It's got to be neutral.
46:26Will you go into neutral now?
46:27My foot's on the brake.
46:30There we are, neutral.
46:31Great gearboxes, these.
46:32Love them.
46:34Now it's beeping at me.
46:35Oh, we go!
46:52There are, however, two good things about this gearbox.
46:56First of all, it's exactly the same system that you get in a Ferrari 575,
47:00but in the Ferrari, it costs you £6,000.
47:03In this, it's £3,000.
47:06The other good thing is, you don't have to have it.
47:09You can have a normal manual,
47:12which means your head doesn't get shaken off every time you change up.
47:20God, that's awful.
47:21It's got to be the poke, though.
47:22It's got to be the poke.
47:28I didn't much care for the old engine, but this one, it's not bad.
47:46To get the power onto the road, the Maserati comes with four different settings for everything.
47:57Gearbox, seats, the lot.
47:59Think of all those Italian electrics.
48:01Hmm.
48:02And it has something called Skyhook suspension, which can be tuned to suit your mood.
48:08Sounds good.
48:10But it isn't.
48:11The trouble is, when you push the sport button to firm everything up, tighten up the gearbox,
48:21it goes from being a...
48:23I don't know.
48:24It goes from being a blancmange to being a marshmallow.
48:28You don't drive this car so much as...
48:32Hang on.
48:33And woe betide anyone who thinks it's a good idea to turn the traction control off.
48:59This is our hammerhead corner.
49:04And, oh dear.
49:06Made a bit of a monkey's breakfast to vet.
49:13So, I had another go.
49:19And, oh dear.
49:21Made a monkey's breakfast and then lost my temper.
49:29I've never had such a problem going around this track.
49:33Oof.
49:34As I am having in this.
49:40This, then, is not a sports car.
49:43Frankly, you're more likely to find a sports car if you turn over and watch Monarch of the Glen or Heartbeat
49:49or whatever period drama they've got on the other side.
49:52Knitberry's helmet.
49:54That's more sporty than this.
49:58But then, perhaps this isn't supposed to be a driver's car, a rival for Porsche and Ferrari.
50:04Perhaps it's supposed to be a pasta and bolognese alternative to the roast beef and Yorkshire pudding that is Jaguar.
50:11In which case, where's the opulence?
50:20Why have they fitted narrow little school chairs instead of seats?
50:25Where's the sense of well-being that you get from a Jag XKR?
50:29You know what this is?
50:31It's a £61,000 Mr. Nearly car.
50:34It's stuck in a no man's land between the Jaguar Rock and the Ferrari hard place.
50:41So, it's no good then?
50:44No, not really. I mean, all I'm hearing all from the studio audience is basically,
50:48it's horrid, it's not very nice.
50:49And it isn't really, because if you want, it's got plenty of space, I will say that.
50:52Yes, I will say that.
50:53But if you want a comfortable cruiser, buy a Jag or a Mercosil.
50:57And if you want hardcore performance, Porsche, Ferrari, you know.
51:01You're better off by a DB7, aren't you?
51:02Yeah, much better off.
51:04But it does have one chance to redeem itself.
51:07Stoke up the Stig.
51:10And he's off.
51:11And it doesn't really matter how long it takes him to get round,
51:13because he's already wasted 15 minutes getting it started and setting the gearbox and the suspension to his Stiggy liking.
51:19That and choosing the right CD, of course.
51:30Right, he's coming up to the Hammerhead now, and if he can get round here without spinning,
51:33we might even let him come and sit by the fire on Christmas Day.
51:41He's done it!
51:42Power now, and the Mazda's not lacking in that department.
51:50Up to a huge speed by the time he gets round to the last two corners.
51:54Up to what we'll now call Gambon Bend.
51:57He's not gone sideways like Michael, and he's across the line.
52:01Brilliant driving, but not a particularly brilliant time.
52:04One minute, 38 seconds.
52:07That's only just slightly faster than a Bentley.
52:11Not a good car.
52:13No.
52:15Right, earlier on we met our white van men.
52:17They've been hanging around, entertaining themselves, struggling with the Sun Crossword and looking at girls.
52:21But here they are again, and they all reckon, you know, a bit handy on the road behind the wheel.
52:25But how did they get on?
52:26Somewhere where there's no opportunity to rip anyone's door mirrors off.
52:31Naturally, they'd come in their own weapons of choice, but today they wouldn't be using them.
52:37Because if you're looking for the fastest white van man, you need a special kind of white van.
52:43The Ford World Rally Transit, and it ain't just a pretty paint job either.
52:47The engine's been modified to give 200 brake horsepower.
52:49It's got race spec wheels, brakes, suspension, and exhaust.
52:54And just look at that.
52:57Even the interior is proper racing stuff.
53:10Right, down to business.
53:12And first up, John from the Royal Mail.
53:14So this is it, okay?
53:15Big wuss are you, a white van man.
53:17Three, two, one.
53:25Are Royal Mail drivers generally quick?
53:29Oh, aren't they? Cuts out everywhere.
53:33And whilst Postman Pat was on the track, I received a few nuggets of white van man wisdom.
53:38You know what? They're the worst in the world, Jimmy.
53:40Well, women drivers.
53:41All women drivers.
53:45Next, Steve from Iceland.
53:50The firm that is, not the country.
53:54Oh, ****.
53:56Took it back in the wrong gear.
54:00Whoa!
54:02This is the guy who yesterday destroyed a police car.
54:06Did he?
54:07Yeah, he backed into it.
54:09Wrote it off in his Iceland van.
54:11Is there a technique to driving a van, then?
54:12Yeah, put your foot down.
54:13Put your foot down's good.
54:14Please don't break it, Steve.
54:15It's always handy to have dents in your van, because more people get out of the way.
54:28And Steve was determined to add a few more.
54:30Just bent the bracket holding it on.
54:44Next up, Don, who'd got lost on the way down.
54:47It's that way.
54:49And then left.
54:50Left.
54:51Three.
54:52Two.
54:53One.
54:54Go!
55:04And sure enough...
55:07He got lost again.
55:09He's gone wrong again.
55:10He's gone wrong!
55:12He's gone wrong!
55:13This way!
55:14This way!
55:15Left!
55:16Left!
55:17Go left!
55:18Murray Keller!
55:19Hooray!
55:20Yay!
55:22Well done!
55:24Again, just because he's done...
55:26You know...
55:27He worked for that.
55:28He worked hard.
55:30Dale was the quiet man of the bunch.
55:32Happy to let his driving do the talking.
55:41He's supposed to let the clutch out as well.
55:44At last, a full-on white van man, silent but deadly with the rev canter.
55:55And to finish, the classic 5.29pm on a Friday, return to base manoeuvre.
56:00You're giving us van drivers a bad name!
56:01Roger, not a man lacking in confidence, so how are you feeling about this?
56:19Very good.
56:20Get me going.
56:213, 2, 1...
56:22Go!
56:29And another vintage van man.
56:31Not fussed about someone else's tyres...
56:37And not that fussed about where the road markings go.
56:40All in all, Roger's van man tactics set him up for a nice, quick lap.
56:49That was good, wasn't it?
56:51Smooth.
56:52Right!
56:53Right!
56:54I have the results here and in fifth place.
57:07I was rooting for you and you got lost!
57:12You were useless!
57:14Most people did it in around about 2 minutes, 2 minutes 10.
57:19You took 4 minutes 55!
57:24And as a result, we would like to present you with a booby prize,
57:28which is part of the door mirror that Michael Gambon knocked off the Suzuki Liana.
57:35Don, there you are.
57:36Thank you, Jeremy.
57:37Right, so to the rest of the results, in fourth place that gives us,
57:43with 2 minutes and 9, John the postman.
57:45Well done, John.
57:48In third place, it's Roger the plumber.
57:53Plumber.
57:55Plumber.
57:56Plumber in 2 minutes 5 seconds.
57:59And then it gets very close with 2 minutes and 3 seconds,
58:04Steve from Iceland.
58:05And that means...
58:10Jason, bring in the trophy because the winner is Dale from NTL 2 minutes 2 seconds.
58:16Well done.
58:22Well done.
58:24Now, next week we're not here because the whole of BBC 2 is full of men playing billiards,
58:29but we're back the week after that when we'll have a programme full of stuff about cars.
58:33Good night.
58:35APPLAUSE
58:36dc
58:37dc
58:38Això
58:50ddb
58:52dc
58:53dc
58:59db
59:01Υπότιτλοι AUTHORWAVE
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