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00:00Υπότιτλοι AUTHORWAVE
00:30Υπότιτλοι AUTHORWAVE
01:00Υπότιτλοι AUTHORWAVE
01:02Υπότιτλοι AUTHORWAVE
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01:30Υπότιτλοι AUTHORWAVE
01:32Υπότιτλοι AUTHORWAVE
01:34Υπότιτλοι AUTHORWAVE
01:36Υπότιτλοι AUTHORWAVE
01:38Γιατί αυτό χρειάζει 110,000 χρήματα, δεν είναι μια αυτοί για να καταστήσει τους ειδικούς.
01:44Ήδη, είναι πιο για να καταστήσει τους ειδικούς και συγκεκριμένους.
01:48Φιδικούς. Φιδικούς. Φιδικούς. Φιδικούς. Φιδικούς.
01:52Προσμόσον αυτό αυτό έχει μια αυτοί χρήμα 6 λίγη.
01:58Ω12.
02:00Ήδικά, αυτό θα μπορούσα να βρει από το φοράς
02:04να το διατυπωθείς στην ΜΟΕΝΙ ΤΟΙΗΑΣ ΤΟΙΝΗΕΗΕΙΕΕΕΕΕ.
02:14Μετα αποκατήσει πρόσφαλος για το ίδικούς χρήματος και σημερινά βλέπωσης.
02:19Αλλαγές, φοράδες, πολέσεις, θα αποκατήσει την Φιδικούς.
02:25Φιδικούς.
02:27Δεν μπορούσα να κάνω όλοι για να γυναίξω του Α303,
02:31επειδή πρέπει να συνεχίσεις με ανάγκρυφασίες σε ένας ΙΡΡΡΕ 214.
02:38Ήρ'αφίλος, ήρ'αφίλος, μια καρήβαση.
02:41Αυτό δεν είναι πρόβλημα, επειδή μπορείς να αφήσει την καρήβαση
02:45στο ΣΤΑΡΡΟΡΡΕ φάκτος μόδος,
02:49και να αφηγήσω τους τυρίμους.
02:53Ωραία!
02:58Ωραία!
03:01Αν θεράσουμε την τίμιουσία μόνο.
03:04Ωραία!
03:09Ωραία!
03:15Υπότιτλοι AUTHORWAVE
03:45It does come from Volkswagen and the floor and the gearbox and most of the fixtures and fittings.
03:50Still, because it also has a Volkswagen four-wheel drive system, this big old bruiser does have tenacious grip.
03:58Useful on the winding lanes of Devon.
04:04It's extraordinary for a car that weighs the same as a Range Rover.
04:09It really does feel live and alive.
04:15It even stops properly, because it has the biggest brakes ever fitted to any car.
04:28And it's a handsome brute as well.
04:31Even though it was styled by a Belgian, it'll look good, parked between the pillars of a footballer's Cheshire mansion.
04:42However, behind the 18th century veneer, the interior is less successful.
04:46First of all, there's this door.
04:51You have to be a meat machine to close it properly.
04:56That's got it.
04:57And then, if you are a meat machine, you'll find it just a little bit cramped in here.
05:01Chiefly because of these armrests.
05:03They force you to drive along like you've got some kind of sports injury.
05:06And if you put them down, listen, driving along, how long before that would drive you up the wall?
05:17They are completely pointless.
05:20Speaking of which, this button here allows you to adjust the hardness of the suspension like so.
05:30Why do you need that?
05:31Why would you want to make your Bentley more uncomfortable?
05:36It really is as useful as a snooze button on a smoke alarm.
05:41But a slight sense of claustrophobia and the odd silly button are nothing compared to the Continental's biggest problem.
05:49It's Big Brother.
05:54The old four-door enage is a symphony of pomp and circumstance, hope and glory,
06:00absolutely, absolute power corrupting, absolutely.
06:09Oh, it isn't very good, but there's such a sense of occasion when you drive it.
06:22This is the other way round.
06:24Brilliant, sensationally fast, handles beautifully,
06:28and it'll almost certainly be reliable.
06:31But it leaves you feeling just a little bit cold.
06:38It's a bit like Budley Salterton, actually.
06:40On the face of it, you'd like to live here.
06:43It sounds good.
06:44A small town on the coast of Devon.
06:48You'd like a piece of that action.
06:50But actually, there isn't any action.
06:55In a recent survey, Budley Salterton was named as Britain's most overpriced, dreary place.
07:02Everything is here, except the sparkle.
07:06And that is what the Bentley's missing.
07:13The sparkle.
07:14The X-factor that turns a really good car, which it is, into a great one.
07:21Which it isn't.
07:22It's a bit harsh, Jeremy.
07:26No.
07:26Yes, you're right.
07:28It was harsh.
07:28But the thing is, it was cruel, but fair.
07:31Because when you drive the Phantom, which BMW made,
07:35they've captured the essence of Rolls-Royce with that car.
07:38When you drive this, it is brilliant.
07:41Make no mistake.
07:42But it does feel like a big Volkswagen.
07:45All right.
07:46But it isn't actually putting anybody off.
07:48And here's the problem.
07:49They can make 3,500 of these a year.
07:51That's all.
07:52They already have 3,500 orders for next year, just from America.
07:57I know.
07:58And the sort of people who've ordered these things
07:59aren't the kind of people who like to be kept waiting.
08:02Bentley was telling me the other night, when I ran into a few of them at a party,
08:05and they were saying that they've had people phone up saying,
08:08if I don't have my car by Easter, you're not welcome in my restaurant.
08:11or you're not welcome in my football club.
08:13They even had one call up and say, if I don't have mine by Christmas,
08:16you're not welcome in my country.
08:20Right.
08:21The news.
08:22Now, we've heard from Nissan this week about a recall.
08:25Recalls, if you don't know, is when a manufacturer holds up its hands and say,
08:28yeah, there's a problem with one of our cars.
08:30Bring it in and we'll fix it.
08:31They tell the owners.
08:32Usually, there's a thousand, a few thousand, maybe a few hundred thousand.
08:36This particular recall is for two and a half million Nissan's.
08:42Two and a half million cars.
08:43And what we were thinking was, where do you get the envelopes from?
08:47Yes.
08:47They mean, do you walk into the local envelope supplier and go,
08:50we'd like two and a half million, and then you've got the photocopying.
08:53They had a prompt to print.
08:54Could you copy this for?
08:56And somebody was given the list.
08:57Write to these people, tell them.
08:58But the bit that I like to think about particularly is, at some point,
09:02there must have been a moment in an office when somebody realised,
09:07ooh.
09:09And they had their long walk down the corridor to the big office and sort of,
09:13Yes, what is it, Watkins?
09:15You better not have mucked up again.
09:17Not another recall, is it?
09:19How many is it this time?
09:20A hundred thousand?
09:20Two hundred thousand?
09:21Come on, give me the worst.
09:22Two and a half million.
09:23Two and a half million cars.
09:25I mean, how much is that going to cost in stamps?
09:28Just before you get the car into it, as you fix it,
09:31two and a half million stamps.
09:33Now, last week, we were having a bit of a row about sports cars,
09:36and you championed the S2000 Honda, which was rubbish.
09:39Which is rubbish.
09:39And, interestingly enough, Honda have improved it.
09:42They've given it...
09:43Impossible to improve it.
09:44No, they've given it a clock.
09:45Yeah.
09:46And a fruitier horn tone.
09:48Oh, that's nice.
09:50Does it look any different?
09:51Look at that.
09:52Look at that.
09:53Oh, no, it is a sports car.
09:56Majesty.
09:56You still lost them, didn't you?
09:58Am I right about the Honda S2000?
09:59No, you're not.
10:00Hands up if you think I'm right.
10:01Hands up.
10:02Who was the S2000?
10:03That's about three people.
10:04That's a majority.
10:04That's about three people.
10:06That was about three people.
10:08Three hundred.
10:08And you're still lost.
10:09If it had been dry,
10:12and if your two cars hadn't turned up,
10:15it would have won.
10:19Would it have won with a new horn tone?
10:21No, the new horn tone is simply because of the speed it goes.
10:24You need a richer horn tone to get the...
10:26I was going to use the wrong word there,
10:28to get your cars out of the way.
10:30It's so the deaf old buggers driving it,
10:32because it's a Honda,
10:33can hear the horns working at all.
10:35Can I talk about something else now, please?
10:37because the police, it seems,
10:39are tired of people ripping up
10:42and destroying their speed cameras,
10:43which apparently does go on.
10:45So they've decided instead
10:46they're going to use old people.
10:48Sounds like a very good idea.
10:50Well, they're going to arm...
10:52It's a pilot scheme.
10:53They're going to arm vigilantes with speed guns
10:56and then send them out into their communities
10:58to zap people to shop their neighbours.
11:01What kind of a person is going to say,
11:04yes, that's the job for me.
11:06I'll get a speed camera,
11:07and it's a job for Paul Burrell.
11:09There you go.
11:09He's done.
11:10Everybody hates you already.
11:11He's done his employers.
11:13Now I'm going to do my neighbours and friends.
11:15But what kind of a country are we living in
11:17where people actually think
11:18that there will be people who say,
11:20yes, I want to go and catch that bloke at number 27
11:23doing 31 miles an hour.
11:25And the point is,
11:25the only people who will have the time to do this,
11:27and even the police, I'm sure, will admit this,
11:29are retired people.
11:30It's going to be old people in cardigans.
11:32Yes, actually, we're safe.
11:34We're safe.
11:35Let's imagine the scene in your little village.
11:38Oh, Doris, I think there's a car coming.
11:40Get your ray gun.
11:41Let's go out and have a look.
11:42Oh, have you turned the kettle off?
11:44Do you want to wee?
11:45Have you locked all the way?
11:45Have you been to the laboratory, Bill?
11:47Because you need to.
11:47You'll be able to fight some time.
11:49Oh, come on then.
11:49Have you locked the door?
11:50Have you locked the door?
11:51Oh, we've got the cats inside or out?
11:52Oh, I don't know.
11:53Here he comes.
11:54Come on, be quickly.
11:54Get your...
11:55That's not your radar gun, love.
11:56That's your air dryer.
11:57Oh, Bill.
11:58Oh, Bill, you've come out in your slippers.
12:00I've thought about this, actually.
12:01If you want to do it really cleverly, if you didn't like your neighbour, just ring them
12:04up at work.
12:06Tell them the house is on fire and sit at the end of their road with your radar.
12:11This is an unusual thing.
12:13Jeremy, do you want to sit back and have a little nap or something?
12:15Because you're not going to be very interested.
12:16It's about a bike.
12:17Go away.
12:17This is the Dodge Tomahawk.
12:20They've built one of these things, and it's by Chrysler.
12:23They put the engine at the Viper.
12:25You know, the Viper, a great big engine.
12:27About 420 miles an hour, possibly, potential speed.
12:30Let's have a look at this thing.
12:31It's absolutely astonishing.
12:33They've built one.
12:33They're going to actually sell them through mail.
12:36I don't think that's a bike.
12:38It's got four wheels and a Dodge Viper engine.
12:40I call that a car.
12:41I think they may have been confused.
12:43We don't do bikes on this program.
12:44What is his problem?
12:45Can I just ask you, though, Jeremy?
12:46I'm interested in this.
12:48What is it you don't get about bikes?
12:49I want to try and help you.
12:50I just don't want to dress up like a Power Ranger
12:52and drive to a pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.
12:56You like these cars that you get involved with,
12:58and so do I, and I'd never give up a car.
13:00But a bike, you are much more,
13:03back me up, at one with a bike.
13:04Your body is part of the physics.
13:05You're at one with a bike until you hit the tree,
13:07and then you're at one with that.
13:10I think it's simply that you know,
13:12you know deep down in your heart of hearts
13:15if you were on a bike,
13:17you would look ridiculous.
13:20Yes, I would.
13:21And that's what it could be a little bit.
13:22Because everyone on a bike
13:23with that leather arse.
13:25Look at that.
13:26Look at my bottom.
13:28I've got a zigzag blue thing on the front of my suit,
13:32and I'm wearing a hat like a terrorist.
13:35Have you ever fallen out of a car?
13:37No.
13:37Well, there you are.
13:38Actually, I haven't.
13:40I'm driving down the M40,
13:42here's a heartbreak,
13:42but I've fallen out.
13:44That's user error.
13:46It's not obligatory.
13:47Can I just move it on?
13:48Yes, please.
13:49I heard a great story this week.
13:50You know Travelodge,
13:51the people,
13:53little hotels at the side of the road,
13:54they've decided that now
13:56they will open up their rooms,
13:58rent them for half an hour at a time
14:00to tired motorists
14:02during the day.
14:06That's your fiver.
14:08A gentleman and a lady motorist
14:09decide they need a little bit of a break.
14:11That's, I immediately thought the same as you.
14:14A gentleman and a lady motorist
14:15are driving along and say,
14:16let's have a nap
14:17for half an hour
14:20for a fiver in the Travelodge.
14:21But no,
14:22they're actually saying
14:23the room's only single occupancy.
14:25They'll only allow you in there
14:26on your own.
14:28So why would you want to have a nap?
14:29It's his,
14:30I've just been looking at this picture
14:32of Pamela Anderson
14:33and I need a nap
14:34for five minutes.
14:38Now,
14:40imagine you're driving along
14:42one day
14:43and suddenly
14:44you veer off into a lake.
14:46It does happen.
14:47Seriously.
14:49It does happen.
14:50Seriously.
14:51Every year in Britain
14:52more people drown
14:54in cars
14:55than on boating lakes.
14:57It's absolutely true.
14:58So,
14:59I decided,
15:00well,
15:01Jeremy and James decided
15:02that I should investigate this
15:04by drowning myself.
15:06first stunt coordinator
15:08Sean Rogers
15:09took me aside
15:10for a quiet word.
15:11So,
15:12this is not to scare you.
15:13It's just to show you
15:14how quickly this car could fill up.
15:16All right?
15:29Okay.
15:31Now,
15:31if you wait,
15:32talking about the water
15:33coming in,
15:34coming in,
15:34coming in.
15:36and that's it.
15:40Now it's gone.
15:42It's quick,
15:43isn't it?
15:43Okay.
15:44So,
15:44you haven't got time
15:45to muck about.
15:47Now,
15:48obviously,
15:49it isn't a good idea
15:50to simply drive a car
15:51into a lake
15:52and see what happens.
15:54Instead,
15:54we've got ourselves
15:55a tank
15:56and some safety divers.
15:58Now,
15:58all I need to do
15:59is learn some basic
16:00diving techniques
16:01just in case
16:02things go wrong.
16:03before we did the stunt
16:11for real,
16:11I had to go underwater
16:13to practice the emergency
16:14hand signals
16:15in case there was a problem
16:17and the divers
16:17had to give me air.
16:18then just to spice
16:23things up a bit
16:24they ripped my face mask off
16:26without warning.
16:34And sure enough,
16:36within seconds,
16:36I was breathing water.
16:39Not a good start.
16:40And then,
16:44to add insult
16:44to my likely injuries,
16:46I got first sight
16:47of my potential coffin.
16:49An F-Reg
16:50Vauxhall Carlton.
16:52Not even a GSI.
16:54Oh,
16:54thank you.
16:57As the time approached
16:58to actually do this,
17:00even though I knew
17:00I had a host
17:01of safety people
17:02around me
17:03to make sure
17:03I was okay,
17:05I've got to confess,
17:06my nerves
17:07were on edge.
17:07Okay.
17:11I'm swinging
17:11above the water
17:12in a car.
17:17About to have
17:18a horrible ex-boy.
17:27Real fear.
17:29A real sense of fear.
17:34Okay?
17:35Richard?
17:36Yes?
17:37No time?
17:37I'm okay.
17:40Ready, Fred?
17:41Ready.
17:42Divers ready?
17:45Okay,
17:45stand by.
17:46Five,
17:47four,
17:48three,
17:49two,
17:50one,
17:51action.
17:53And...
17:54And we'll find out
17:57later
17:58if I die.
18:00But first,
18:01here's yet another
18:03Jaguar concept car.
18:05this one is called
18:07the RD6.
18:08It's made almost
18:09entirely of aluminium.
18:10It's very light
18:11and it's powered,
18:12remarkably enough,
18:13by a turbocharged
18:14V6 diesel engine.
18:16But the bit I really like
18:17is the inside.
18:18Have a look at this.
18:19Now, have a look at that
18:20black leather
18:21and all those shiny bits
18:22and those red lights
18:24down in the footwell.
18:25Now, clearly,
18:26a Jaguar designer
18:26got completely lashed
18:28in a vodka bar
18:29and thought,
18:29oh, I'll make it look
18:30like this then.
18:31So, obviously,
18:32there'll be a bouncer
18:33on the door
18:33telling you you can't
18:34come in
18:34because you've got
18:35trainers on.
18:36It's a gorgeous
18:37looking thing.
18:37It is.
18:38It's fab.
18:38But here's the thing
18:39I don't get about
18:40Jaguar concept cars.
18:42Two years ago,
18:42about then,
18:43they showed us
18:44the XK 180.
18:45And there it is.
18:46That was to show us
18:47what Jaguars of the future
18:49will look like.
18:50But then,
18:51last year,
18:52they did the R Coupe
18:53to show us
18:54what Jaguars of the future
18:56will look like.
18:57And now,
18:57they're back again
18:58with this
18:58to show us
19:00what Jaguars of the future
19:01will look like.
19:03Now, look, Jaguar,
19:04you have made your point.
19:07Just make the car.
19:09Right.
19:10Let's meet this week's guest.
19:11He's an actor.
19:12He's a comedian.
19:13He's responsible
19:14for Marion and Jeff,
19:15which I just love.
19:16Terrific television programme.
19:18And,
19:18if we look down here,
19:19I think I'm right in saying
19:20he's the first Welshman
19:22we've ever had on.
19:22Ladies and gentlemen,
19:23Rob Brydon!
19:24Yeah!
19:25Yeah!
19:25Yeah!
19:25Yeah!
19:25Yeah!
19:26Yeah!
19:26Yeah!
19:27Yeah!
19:27Yeah!
19:28Yeah!
19:28Yeah!
19:29Yeah!
19:29Yeah!
19:30All right, let's see it!
19:31Oh!
19:32Yeah!
19:33Yeah!
19:33Yeah!
19:36So, um...
19:37Now, we know
19:39the Scottish have given us
19:40really everything
19:41that matters in the world.
19:42Yes.
19:43And it would be cheap
19:44to say the Welsh
19:45have given us nothing.
19:46Here we go, yes.
19:47No, really,
19:48because we were working it out.
19:49Really,
19:50the Welsh have given
19:51the theatre
19:51everybody.
19:52Burton,
19:54Zeta Jones,
19:55Hopkins.
19:56Yes, but, but, but, but,
19:57you see,
19:57you forget the big names,
19:59the big theatrical
20:00media names.
20:01Sian Lloyd,
20:02the weather girl.
20:03Yeah, she's...
20:04H from Steps.
20:07Is he Welsh as well?
20:08Yeah.
20:08I think H, actually,
20:10he's got a sort of
20:10mini Graceland now
20:11up in North Wales
20:12where he comes from
20:13and they get up to
20:14six or seven visitors a year.
20:16It is an astonishing thing.
20:19It is an astonishing thing.
20:19When you think about
20:20the great performances,
20:20it is Hopkins at the National
20:22and it is Burton
20:23at the Old Vic whatever.
20:25You not really been there,
20:28have you?
20:29You're more famous
20:29for your car advertisement
20:31voiceovers.
20:33He is.
20:34Every time you hear
20:36a car advert
20:37on the television,
20:38I can pretty much guarantee
20:39he is the voice.
20:41How many have you done now?
20:43There's the Ford Mondeo,
20:44Tom and Jerry,
20:44that was you.
20:45I think that's still running,
20:46yeah.
20:46That's still running.
20:47And what were the other ones?
20:48I think the Renault Scenic
20:50at the moment.
20:51How does that one go?
20:53I've forgotten it.
20:54Okay, you have to
20:55quiet for it.
20:56Ready?
20:57In the recent
20:58NCAP Euro crash tests,
21:00only one car in its class
21:01got five stars for safety.
21:04A new Renault Scenic.
21:06It's him!
21:11Now, Marion and Jeff,
21:16I can't tell you
21:18how much I love it.
21:20Thank you.
21:20I do,
21:21and it's not just being nice
21:22because it's you
21:23and you know,
21:23you're visiting England
21:24and everything.
21:25I really genuinely love it.
21:28I can't,
21:28I just can't miss it.
21:30There's a chap that's
21:30telling me here,
21:31he's just the same.
21:32He just can't miss this thing.
21:34What gave you the idea?
21:35Have you seen it?
21:35It's basically,
21:36you're a sort of
21:37minicab driver,
21:38graduated now to be a chauffeur,
21:40and sit talking about
21:41your miserable life.
21:42Well,
21:42Keith Barrett is his name,
21:44and his wife Marion
21:45has left him
21:46for a man called Jeff.
21:46So in the first series
21:47he was a minicab driver,
21:49and the second series
21:50he's graduated
21:50to become a chauffeur,
21:52and he just sits there
21:54telling you about his life.
21:55But he always sees
21:56the sort of silver lining.
21:58Somebody once said
21:59in a newspaper thing
22:00he'd see the silver lining
22:01in a mushroom cloud.
22:03He would,
22:03and it's just,
22:04the thing is,
22:04it's not comedy,
22:05is it?
22:06I mean,
22:06I want to show a clip
22:07of Marion and Jeff
22:08because I love it,
22:09okay?
22:09and it's the bit
22:11where he's explaining
22:12what he would do
22:14if he were attacked
22:15by a terrorist.
22:16So what I do
22:17as a middle ground,
22:21I keep it under the seat,
22:23it belonged to my dad,
22:25it's a machete.
22:26and that's there
22:32as needs be.
22:35That's there
22:35as needs be,
22:36so
22:36like that.
22:39So I spot trouble.
22:41I do keep an eye
22:42in the mirror,
22:42I look in the mirror,
22:44so here he comes,
22:44here comes the terrorist,
22:46and I'm down,
22:48and I'm there.
22:49The fear is that
22:50I knock myself out
22:51on the steering wheel
22:53or that I inadvertently
22:55set off the airbag.
22:57Let's just do that
22:57one more time.
23:00Relaxed.
23:02Mirror,
23:03mirror,
23:04terrorist,
23:04down!
23:06Out!
23:06Up!
23:11It's not foolproof.
23:13Oh, I love it.
23:25Now,
23:26that's my mum.
23:30For a man
23:31who has made
23:31his name
23:32in a car
23:33and by advertising them,
23:34I have to say,
23:36no,
23:36I'm not going to
23:36let you off this,
23:37you have had
23:38the most
23:39wretched car history
23:41of anyone
23:42I've ever,
23:43ever met.
23:44You start off,
23:45where will we?
23:45Radio DJ.
23:47BBC Radio Wales.
23:48Good morning.
23:49You bought yourself
23:50a Volkswagen Polar.
23:51Brand new.
23:52Brand new?
23:53Yeah.
23:53Things going well.
23:55Your next car
23:56is a third-hand
23:59Vauxhall Carlton.
24:02What a God's name
24:03possessed you to do that?
24:05I don't know,
24:05my dad came across it,
24:06you know,
24:06it was reasonably priced.
24:08It was,
24:08it was a big,
24:09brown Vauxhall Carlton.
24:11Wait,
24:11let,
24:12let me finish.
24:14It was a big,
24:15brown Vauxhall Carlton
24:16and the inside
24:17was a kind of
24:18creamy,
24:19sort of biscuit colour.
24:20It was velour,
24:21the seats.
24:22It was a nice car,
24:23it got me from A to B.
24:24That was not the worst
24:25of my cars.
24:26What,
24:27you're trying to say
24:27the green Sierra?
24:28Yeah,
24:28that was the worst.
24:29Of course.
24:31What possessed you
24:32to do that?
24:33My dad came across it,
24:34you know,
24:34it was a good price.
24:35Did you branch out
24:39on your own
24:39for the 1992 Ford Escort?
24:41Now,
24:42the 1992 Ford Escort,
24:43I thought,
24:44and I don't know
24:45anything about cars,
24:46was a quite a sexy little car.
24:48I quite liked it,
24:48actually.
24:50Have you ever
24:51actually watched Top Gear?
24:52Because you might...
24:53I've never seen
24:54a whole one,
24:55no.
24:55It clashes with heartbeat,
25:04okay,
25:04which goes against you.
25:05But I do make a special effort
25:07to watch Marion and Jeff.
25:08You should try and watch one
25:09all the way through,
25:11because after the Escort,
25:13you're not going to believe
25:14this,
25:14ladies and gentlemen.
25:15Oh, I know what you're going to say now,
25:15yeah, okay.
25:16A Mitsubishi Charisma.
25:20What on earth?
25:21Did you buy one of those?
25:22Well,
25:23my dad came across it.
25:25by this time,
25:27my dad was
25:27and is
25:28working for Mitsubishi.
25:30What did you do
25:31to upset your dad
25:32so much,
25:32though,
25:33over the years?
25:34It's that Rob,
25:35he's come round,
25:35I've got another
25:36magnificent car for him.
25:38No,
25:39you're a snob.
25:42I make no bones about it.
25:45I want to rescue people
25:46from bad cars.
25:47I've already been rescued.
25:49I've got an Audi A4 convertible.
25:51What more do you want?
25:52Well,
25:53what's happened to the Charisma?
25:54I've given it to my girlfriend.
25:57So you bought a petrol-end and Audi A4 convertible.
26:00Yeah, yeah.
26:01You see,
26:01it's a nice car.
26:02I mean,
26:02don't let anyone sit in the back.
26:04Why?
26:04Anyone who sits in the back
26:05of a four-seater convertible
26:07looks like Hitler.
26:10He was the only man,
26:12or maybe Mussolini.
26:13He was the only man
26:13who looked good in the back
26:14of a four-seater convertible.
26:15He was.
26:16You need to just bear that.
26:16if somebody says,
26:17oh, I'll go in the back,
26:18advise against it.
26:19Advise they go on the bus
26:21or something.
26:21Okay.
26:22Now,
26:23it is time,
26:24I think,
26:24to start looking at your performance,
26:26really,
26:26today.
26:27You're probably,
26:28actually,
26:28come to think of it,
26:29the first person ever to drive that.
26:30Yes,
26:31it's a nice car.
26:34Yes,
26:35yes,
26:35yes.
26:36Right.
26:36Let's see how you got on.
26:37Yeah.
26:38Now,
26:38I should explain,
26:38before we start,
26:40we did put the camera today
26:41in the Marion and Jeff position
26:43for you,
26:44so that you were able to,
26:45if you felt the need,
26:46because we knew you'd be out there
26:47sometime,
26:49getting round the lap,
26:50to do a little bit of Marion and Jeff
26:52for us.
26:52Here we go.
26:54Well,
26:54wheelspin start.
26:55First time with wheelspin?
26:57Yeah.
26:57I have to say,
26:59all around,
27:01a very nice ride.
27:04That's okay.
27:06That's very smooth.
27:08And I wouldn't be at all surprised,
27:10to hear that Jeff has got himself
27:12one of these as well.
27:17Having a bit of fun,
27:19taking the kids out with him,
27:20my little smashers,
27:21I think they'd have a lovely time together.
27:24All of them chanting in the back,
27:26singing songs.
27:28Oh.
27:31Now,
27:32this is where you'll be caught out.
27:33Oh,
27:34you know what?
27:34No,
27:35you've stayed online.
27:35sugar babies.
27:38There we go.
27:40Right,
27:41I'm doing 75 miles an hour.
27:46Final corner,
27:47Michael Gambon.
27:49Ladies and gentlemen,
27:49he's across the line.
27:50Thank you.
27:55You know,
27:55before I came on,
27:57in my little heart,
27:57I'm going,
27:58oh,
27:58maybe I was quite fast.
27:59I wasn't,
28:00was I?
28:01I just,
28:01well,
28:01where would you like to be?
28:03I'd like to beat Steve,
28:04for obvious reasons.
28:05Coogan.
28:05Yeah.
28:06Steve Coogan.
28:07Steve Coogan.
28:07Coogan, yeah.
28:08He produces your show,
28:09and you are mates.
28:11I am aware of this.
28:12Well,
28:12he did it in one minute,
28:1354 seconds.
28:14Soaking wet day.
28:15I remember that.
28:16Absolutely pouring with rain.
28:17But we do say,
28:18that,
28:20if it were dry,
28:21you go four seconds faster.
28:23So,
28:23he's a one minute,
28:2450.
28:25You'd like to beat him.
28:26Let me tell you something.
28:28Realistically,
28:29I was never going to happen,
28:30was it?
28:30Oh,
28:30don't say that.
28:32But it did.
28:33Seriously?
28:34You went faster than that.
28:36You want to know something more amazing?
28:38You did it,
28:40in one minute,
28:4148 seconds.
28:45Seriously?
28:46Seriously?
28:47Seriously?
28:48Fucking hell.
28:49Seriously?
28:49Yeah?
28:50148.6.
28:51Yeah.
28:53Yeah.
28:56It's astonishing but true.
29:00It's okay,
29:01if Jodie,
29:01or Jay,
29:02if you're watching,
29:03he was 0.6.
29:04I don't care.
29:05So actually,
29:05fits in just there,
29:08in third place.
29:09I'm speechless.
29:10Are you really expecting to get a,
29:12a Christmas card from Coogan this year?
29:15I think not.
29:18I'm almost crying.
29:20That is honestly,
29:21for the worst car buyer we've ever had,
29:24one of the greatest drivers,
29:25ladies and gentlemen,
29:26Rob Brydon.
29:29Oh,
29:29he's good.
29:30Thank you.
29:31Thank you.
29:31Thank you.
29:38Now,
29:39earlier,
29:40we saw Jeremy driving this,
29:42Bentley Continental GT,
29:44and he pointed out,
29:45quite rightly,
29:45that it's as new money as,
29:47an onyx mug tree.
29:49And that had me wondering,
29:50what's the old money,
29:52being spent on these days?
29:53The British toff.
29:59Though rare and endangered,
30:00they are easy to identify.
30:03Well done, Rupert.
30:05They are most readily spotted in the countryside,
30:07because they own it.
30:10Distinguishing features include their clothing,
30:12which used to belong to their parents,
30:14and their characteristic mating call of harumph.
30:16Everything they have,
30:20like their families,
30:21their titles,
30:22and their houses,
30:23is very old.
30:24Because toffs don't buy things,
30:27they only inherit them.
30:29And this includes their cars,
30:31which are oily old bags of bolts,
30:33and smell of dogs.
30:36In fact,
30:37the aristocracy just doesn't care
30:39for spending money on transport.
30:41Let's imagine you're master of all you survey.
30:49And it's most of Buckinghamshire.
30:51And let's imagine
30:51the time has come to replace
30:53the ancestral transport.
30:55Now this means you're going to have to do something
30:56very unaristocratic.
30:59Buy a brand new car.
31:01Well, here it is.
31:02It's the new Subaru Legacy Outback.
31:05So, why this?
31:10Why not something German and obvious?
31:14Well, for a start,
31:16it's very discreet.
31:17And your lord and ladyship
31:18don't want anything too showy.
31:20Bad form.
31:22Its radiator grille has no real presence.
31:25In fact,
31:25it has the look of a car you could lose
31:27in a station car park.
31:29And that's just perfect.
31:35Secondly,
31:36the Outback is tough
31:37and well built
31:38so it can be handed on
31:39from generation to generation.
31:41It has an excellent
31:42four-wheel drive system
31:44and good ground clearance
31:45which is useful
31:46because the drive up to the house
31:48was built by William the Conqueror
31:49and it's a bit rough.
31:53And just look at these materials.
31:55Look at this gear knob.
31:57It's going to take years
31:58for the dog to chew its way
31:59through that lot.
32:02I heard a story recently
32:04about a landed lady
32:05who bought one of these
32:06for her farm manager
32:07but when she tried it
32:09she decided
32:09it's far too good for him.
32:12So she kept it.
32:14Charlie!
32:15Come on!
32:16And frankly,
32:17that's as it should be
32:18because the knobs
32:19have always liked Subaru
32:20and there's a good reason for that.
32:23When the first ones
32:24came to Britain in 1977
32:26there were no dealers
32:27so they were sold
32:29alongside muck spreaders
32:30and tractors
32:31at farm equipment showrooms.
32:32just the sort of place
32:34where the landed gentry
32:35hangs out.
32:37This also meant
32:38they didn't have to go into town
32:40and visit a car dealership
32:41where they might have had to mingle
32:43with the proletariat.
32:51Now, to be honest
32:53previous legacies
32:53were a bit agricultural.
32:55They had harsh interiors
32:57and rather lumpen engines.
33:00Now, this new one
33:01is much, much more sophisticated.
33:04Now, that's probably
33:05not of much concern
33:06to the posh people
33:07up in the big manor house
33:08but it makes it
33:08much more appealing
33:09to those of us
33:10in the grasping lower orders.
33:17Now, Lord Bufton
33:19he doesn't really care
33:20that the engine
33:21is a brand new
33:21three litre flat six
33:23but of course we do
33:24because it's smoother
33:25and more powerful
33:26than the old
33:27four-cylinder donkey engine
33:29you used to get.
33:30You probably also
33:31won't notice
33:32that the interior
33:33is now much smarter
33:34because what's the point
33:36when it will all be eaten
33:37by the dog anyway?
33:39But the rest of us
33:39are actually chuffed a bit
33:41in our small-minded
33:42and aspirational sort of way
33:43because the interior
33:45of this car
33:45used to be very basic
33:46and hosed down
33:47but now look at it
33:48it's like a Honda
33:49and look at these gadgets
33:50this is one of the finest
33:52satellite navigation systems
33:54I've ever used.
33:56Mind you, it's a bit pointless
33:56if you really are
33:57an aristocrat
33:58because then you'd own
33:59a whole county
34:00then you can't fit that
34:01on the screen.
34:09I almost forgot to tell you
34:10what it's like to drive.
34:12Well, I quite like it actually
34:13but it's relaxing
34:14and it's unstressful.
34:18Agreeable
34:18is probably the right word
34:20nothing more than that
34:21but that'll be plenty.
34:25Finally, we come to
34:26the vulgar business
34:27of money.
34:28This car will cost
34:29£28,000
34:30which seems a lot
34:32but then again
34:33it's expected to last
34:34for several hundred years.
34:37One day it will be
34:38very old
34:39and battered
34:40and probably a bit whiffy
34:41but it'll be around
34:43long after socialism
34:44and the fox hunting ban
34:46have been
34:46completely forgotten.
34:50Maybe the aristocrats
34:51aren't quite as daft
34:52as they look.
34:53They don't spend money
34:54very often
34:54and when they do
34:55they spend it
34:56very carefully.
34:58Once every few generations
34:59they might get a new coat
35:01or have the roof done
35:02or buy a car.
35:05This should be
35:06all the car
35:07they'll ever need.
35:09And I know
35:09it's my place
35:09so it'll do for me
35:11as well.
35:13Right.
35:14What I have here
35:15are the results
35:16of the 2003
35:17BBC
35:18Top Gear
35:19Motoring Survey.
35:21This is the biggest survey
35:22ever undertaken
35:24into how satisfied
35:25you are
35:26with your car.
35:27How reliable it is,
35:29how good the dealer
35:30is to you, the lot.
35:31I think we had what
35:3143,000 responses to this.
35:35And there are
35:36137 cars in it
35:37and I'd just like
35:38to point out
35:39that the Subaru Legacy,
35:40the old one admittedly,
35:42came 10th.
35:43Which is very good.
35:44It's very good
35:44but it's not surprising.
35:46What is surprising
35:47is the car
35:48that came first
35:50out of all 137.
35:52Not the Lexus?
35:53No.
35:53Lexus always win.
35:55Not this time
35:55because it is
35:56the Jaguar XJ.
35:58There's one over there,
35:59that's incredible
36:00and it didn't just do well,
36:02it did astonishingly well.
36:03It got the maximum
36:04five points
36:04in nearly everything
36:05apart from practicality
36:07I think
36:07and it got four
36:08in that anyway
36:08so that's brilliant.
36:10One thing
36:10even more amazing
36:11than that though,
36:12okay?
36:13Anyone want to
36:14hazard a guess
36:14at what came last?
36:17The least reliable,
36:18nastiest car
36:19where the dealers
36:20really hate you.
36:21Want to hazard a guess?
36:23Vauxhall.
36:24Vauxhall, no,
36:25completely wrong.
36:25but it is
36:26the Volkswagen
36:27Charan.
36:28The horrible people carrier.
36:30If only everything in life
36:31was reliable as a Volkswagen,
36:32you'd never get on another plane
36:34as long as you live.
36:35Your dog would die
36:36every 15 minutes.
36:37This whole survey
36:39throws up some fascinating stuff
36:40like the Porsche 911,
36:42a favourite car of mine,
36:44known for its
36:44somewhat scary handling
36:46sometimes.
36:4796% of 911 owners
36:50in this survey
36:51claim to be
36:51absolutely satisfied
36:53with their car's handling
36:54which is very good.
36:56It leaves 4%
36:57and they probably
36:58were entirely satisfied
36:59with the handling
37:00of their 911
37:00right up until
37:02they hit the tree.
37:02Then they changed it.
37:04Yeah, but think of it this way.
37:05The people who got
37:06their bone marrow
37:07and their eyes
37:08are very satisfied
37:09with their complaints
37:10of a 911.
37:12Let's just run this one
37:13round the room.
37:14Let's just find out.
37:15What do you drive, sir?
37:17355.
37:18A Ferrari?
37:19There's an interesting
37:20statistic on Ferrari.
37:21What is it, James?
37:2390% of people
37:24who said they had
37:25a Ferrari
37:25were lying.
37:36It's true.
37:37Honest, it's true.
37:39People were actually
37:40filling in the form
37:40and then we checked
37:41everything,
37:42or the company that did it,
37:43checked everything
37:43with the DVLA.
37:4490% hadn't got
37:46and you think,
37:48why did you do that?
37:50What did you think
37:50some really un-beautiful girl
37:52was going to,
37:52oh, there's a bloke
37:53here with a Ferrari.
37:54I'll ring you.
37:54It's a computer.
37:56What have you got?
37:58Golf Mark IV.
38:00A Mark IV Golf.
38:01Now, there's an interesting
38:02one on the Golf,
38:02isn't there?
38:03Yeah.
38:03Now, there's a lot of cars
38:04based around the Golf.
38:05You know,
38:05all the Seats,
38:06the Beetle,
38:07the Audi A3,
38:08the Audi TT,
38:09They're all Golfs
38:10with different bodies
38:12and different badges,
38:12okay?
38:13Yeah.
38:13Now, which do you think
38:14is the worst
38:15of all the Golf-based cars?
38:18Skoda.
38:19It's the Golf.
38:20You're right.
38:21The worst Golf
38:23is a Golf.
38:24If you want to buy a Golf,
38:25don't get a Golf.
38:26That's basically
38:26what we've learned
38:27from this survey.
38:29It's a beard.
38:31Subaru and Prezza.
38:32There's always one,
38:33isn't there?
38:35Every single week
38:36we come down here
38:37and there's a fleet of Subarus.
38:38Do you want to know
38:39where it came?
38:39Yeah, go on.
38:40Fifteenth.
38:41Fifteenth most reliable car.
38:43So not as good
38:43as the Outback.
38:44But why?
38:45Is it not reliable?
38:46No, I keep mucking it up.
38:48You keep mucking it up?
38:48I'm part of your group
38:49of, uh,
38:50I've messed up my car
38:51with a stupidly big
38:52exhaust as well.
38:53Oh, really?
38:54How big are we talking?
38:55Four inches.
38:56Do girls come running
38:57up to you?
38:58No.
38:58Not with that beard,
38:58actually.
39:01Silly question.
39:02Sorry.
39:02What have you got?
39:03Uh, Passat.
39:04A Volkswagen Passat.
39:06Well,
39:06on the, oh, yeah, exactly.
39:08What a man.
39:09Where's it come?
39:1178th.
39:1178th, yeah.
39:1378th most reliable car.
39:14And actually,
39:15while we're on the subject
39:16of this German business,
39:17there's a chap over here
39:18I was talking to earlier.
39:19Okay?
39:20You've got a?
39:21SL.
39:22A Mercedes.
39:23Mm-hmm.
39:24Mercedes, okay?
39:25Now,
39:25they are a byword
39:27for durability.
39:28Where's yours?
39:30Well,
39:30it's, uh,
39:30gone to have its MOT today,
39:31but unfortunately,
39:32they did a pair-up this morning
39:33and it broke down
39:34on the way
39:34to Tony Purslow
39:35in Guildford.
39:36So it broke down
39:37on the way
39:37to the dealer.
39:38This is not the first time.
39:40Mercedes,
39:41do you want to know
39:41where the best
39:42Mercedes came?
39:44The highest place
39:45Mercedes was?
39:4857th.
39:48And if you look
39:49at the bottom
39:5010 or 11 places,
39:51okay,
39:52the bottom 10 or 11,
39:53that's where you normally
39:54find the Alphas
39:55and the Renaults
39:55and the Citroens.
39:57You find the M-Class,
39:59the A-Class,
40:00and the C-Class
40:01all sitting in there.
40:02If you want to find out
40:04how your car did,
40:05all of these results
40:07are on our website,
40:09which you can find
40:09on a computer,
40:11I suppose,
40:11at work tomorrow.
40:14LAUGHTER
40:15Now, earlier on,
40:17we left me dangling
40:18above a tank of water
40:19in a large Vauxhall,
40:21which, interestingly,
40:22came in 74th
40:23in the survey.
40:24I can testify
40:24in a way
40:25that it lets water in.
40:26Now, this theory runs
40:28that you're supposed
40:29to sit in the car
40:29and let it fill up
40:30with water
40:31until the pressure equalises
40:32and you can open the door
40:33and get out.
40:35Well, let's see
40:35what really happened.
40:37Five, four, three, two, one,
40:41Action!
40:42We're now on the water.
40:49Now, surprisingly,
40:49it's sinking fast
40:50from the back.
40:51I didn't expect that.
40:52I can hear the water
40:52coming in
40:53around my feet.
40:56It's a very strange feeling.
40:59I feel the panic
40:59rising with the water.
41:00You can hear it
41:01in my voice
41:01around my ankles.
41:03You'll think
41:04the central locking
41:05is going crazy.
41:07Now I can see
41:08the water up the glass
41:09and that is scary.
41:10It's coming up
41:10as my stomach.
41:12It's controlling panic.
41:14I'm starting
41:15to get my breaths ready
41:16and I'm leaning a lot
41:17as well.
41:18I'm going to save
41:19the last bit of air
41:20because it's no good
41:23thinking you can sit
41:23in here for ages.
41:24I'm going to have
41:25to take my last breath.
41:26We're going very sideways.
41:29This is very frightening.
41:30now remember
41:40the theory goes
41:42that as soon as
41:42the car fills with water
41:44the pressure
41:45should be equalized
41:46and the doors
41:46should open easily.
41:48But as the car sank
41:49no matter how hard
41:51I tried
41:51I couldn't open
41:53the door.
41:53It was 30 seconds
41:59since I'd taken
42:00my last breath.
42:0130 seconds
42:02since I should
42:03have been able
42:03to open that door.
42:05But still
42:06it wouldn't budge.
42:07I realized
42:08I wasn't going to get out.
42:17Eventually
42:17the car hit the bottom
42:19of the tank
42:19but it still took
42:20more precious seconds
42:21for the water pressure
42:22to equalize.
42:24Only then
42:24could I open the door
42:26and escape.
42:34If it was for real
42:35I'm pretty sure
42:37I would have drowned.
42:42So did you die
42:45in the making
42:46of that film?
42:47Oh yeah.
42:48If it was real
42:48yes I did.
42:50And the thing is
42:50it was very lucky
42:51you were in the GL model
42:52because that was the one
42:53that did come
42:53with the diver
42:54in the backseat
42:54with the aqualung.
42:55If it had been an L
42:57that would have been
42:57in curtains.
42:58I've just got to get
42:59straight in my head
43:00if the thing's sinking
43:02you have to wait
43:04for it to get
43:04to the bottom.
43:05Yes because as it sinks
43:06there's always greater
43:06pressure on the outside
43:07basically it doesn't
43:08catch up until
43:09it stays at the same point.
43:10So you have to wait
43:11for it to get to the bottom
43:11then you can get out.
43:12And then the pressure
43:13slowly equalizes
43:13and you can get out
43:14and swim.
43:14Which is alright
43:15if it's what
43:165-10 feet deep.
43:17Yeah I mean
43:17it could be 150 feet.
43:18So that advice
43:19goes out the window
43:20basically and Ross
43:21but now say
43:22if you do drive
43:24into the water
43:24get out
43:25as fast as you can.
43:27Don't mess about.
43:28So I gave that a go
43:28as well.
43:29Did you die that time?
43:30Well let's find out.
43:325-4-3-2-1-8
43:36Okay we're going in
43:37from a big drop
43:38this time.
43:39Straight in the water.
43:40Now we'll try the windows.
43:41Nothing.
43:42I'm going to try the door.
43:43It's very difficult.
43:44Well I went for the windows
43:52as the advice says
43:54nothing doing
43:54and it sank quickly
43:56at that time
43:57but I went to the door
43:58straight away
43:59and as I tried it
44:00I feel like I've
44:02rinsed my arm
44:02it started okay
44:03as soon as the car
44:04started to descend
44:05you could just feel it
44:06it was just getting
44:07harder to do.
44:08So there you go
44:09if you do drive
44:09into the drink
44:10according to my experience
44:11and what Rossper says
44:12just get out as fast
44:13as you can.
44:14Now can we do
44:14something important?
44:15Yes.
44:15The cool wall.
44:16Oh yes.
44:17Lord of cars
44:17we've done a lot of cars
44:19in the last few weeks
44:20we haven't put them up
44:21we're going to start
44:22with the Bentley
44:23Continental GT
44:25where do we think?
44:29Cool.
44:30No it's cool.
44:32Okay well thank you
44:33all for your opinion
44:35it's cool.
44:36It is cool.
44:37Aha however
44:38with a proviso
44:40as soon as you open
44:42your copy of the Sun
44:43newspaper and you see
44:44that Mr. Beckham
44:45has taken delivery
44:46of his
44:46it's on its way down
44:48but for now
44:50since he doesn't have
44:51one
44:51it's a cool car.
44:52The BMW M3 CSL
44:55you drove it
44:56it is a fantastic car.
44:57Sub-Zero.
44:58Sub-Zero.
44:59What do we think?
45:00Anyone else?
45:00Sub-Zero.
45:01Sub-Zero.
45:02All of them
45:03totally wrong.
45:05How can it be cool
45:06if you have to explain
45:07that's my carbon roof
45:08that is not cool.
45:10that is going to be bought
45:11by the sort of man
45:12who lies awake at night
45:14thinking of his
45:14gear shift aggression
45:15strategy for the drive
45:17to work the next day.
45:19This is not just
45:20uncool like an M3
45:22that is
45:23it is true.
45:25that is true.
45:28That is true.
45:29Now then
45:30Ford GT
45:31the new one.
45:32That's a tricky one.
45:34Let me hear
45:34let me hear some opinions
45:35on this.
45:36What do you think?
45:37Sub-Zero.
45:38Sub-Zero.
45:39Sub-Zero.
45:39Sub-Zero.
45:40No we got one over here.
45:41Seriously uncool
45:42needs to be in light blue
45:43and orange.
45:44I'll be Sub-Zero.
45:45Okay if it were light blue
45:46and orange
45:47you're referring to
45:47the gulf colours
45:48I could match
45:49your Anorat levels
45:50here easily.
45:51Thank you.
45:51Then it would be okay.
45:52It would be Sub-Zero.
45:53Sub-Zero if you got the colours right.
45:55It's a good point.
45:56Anyone over here
45:56got opinions on the Ford GT?
45:59It's a very cool car.
46:00Very cool.
46:01Very cool.
46:01Very cool.
46:02Pretty cool.
46:03Not a democracy here.
46:04No you're wrong.
46:05No that's wrong.
46:07Now look
46:07if this were a Ferrari
46:08I think we'd
46:09well I'd be with you
46:10they might disagree
46:11but it's not a Ferrari
46:12it's got a kind of
46:14retro something
46:14it's like those
46:1570 shades
46:16with the holes down the side
46:17and the big
46:17it's cool.
46:18That is a cool car.
46:19If you were to turn up
46:20to someone's house
46:21in a red American car
46:22with white stripes down the side
46:24they'd pretend to be out.
46:27You're talking about
46:28the Starsky and Hutch car.
46:30This is a retro supercar.
46:32It's essentially cool.
46:35Right.
46:42There is just one proviso on that.
46:45If I buy one
46:46it'll be moving up a bit.
46:47Funny that.
46:48funny that.
46:49Right here's one
46:50that I drove
46:51and this is a truly
46:52awesome car.
46:53The Porsche 911 GT3.
46:56Fabulous.
46:57Uncool.
46:57Why is this uncool?
47:00It's just a 911.
47:01It's all 911s are uncool.
47:02Oh now you're just dumb.
47:03You think?
47:04911s suck.
47:05Unlike some of what
47:06this audience is saying to them.
47:08No they're
47:08go somewhere else Jeremy.
47:10They're all super cool.
47:11Thank you sir.
47:12He's coming in all black rugby shirt.
47:14Go to the back.
47:18What do you think girls?
47:20Seriously cool.
47:21Seriously cool.
47:22Seriously cool.
47:23How interesting
47:24that the girls are wrong
47:25and the blokes
47:26have got it right.
47:27I mean it's a brilliant car
47:29but it's got no back seat
47:31it's just got a load
47:32of scaffolding
47:33and roll bars
47:34you don't have to explain it.
47:35Let me put it to you this way.
47:36I come to take you out
47:37in one of these one night.
47:38Okay you say to me
47:38why has it got all that
47:40scaffolding in the back seat
47:41in the ironmongery
47:41I'd have to explain that to you.
47:43How interesting do you think
47:44that would be?
47:45Very.
47:45Oh dear.
47:46I'll go out of here.
47:49Fine.
47:49You see the thing is
47:50You'd make the second date.
47:53Light!
47:53Yes!
47:57That would be great.
48:03Can we
48:04can we now
48:05can we move on?
48:08Can we just talk about
48:09people curious for a while
48:11obviously
48:11Oh my word.
48:12all of them are uncool
48:14if you buy people
48:14anyone got one?
48:15You have.
48:16Basically what you're saying
48:17about yourself sir
48:18is you've had your children
48:19and now you're just
48:20waiting to die.
48:20Yeah.
48:22However
48:23the Renault Espace
48:24here
48:25is cool.
48:27It is.
48:27It just
48:28it's what?
48:29It's very very ugly.
48:30Are you a policewoman?
48:32Yes.
48:32Ah!
48:33So as I was saying
48:34it's very very good
48:35because I can do that
48:37in here.
48:39However
48:39the moment
48:40you've all been waiting for
48:42it's the new
48:435 Series.
48:46Right.
48:46Let's just see
48:47run around the room on it.
48:48What do you reckon?
48:49Um
48:49seriously uncool.
48:50Seriously uncool?
48:51Quite uncool.
48:52Quite uncool.
48:53Cool.
48:54Cool.
48:55Do you play golf?
48:56Yes.
48:57Do you play golf?
48:58Yes.
48:59Yep.
48:59That's the problem.
49:02This car will be bought
49:04almost entirely
49:05by people who play golf
49:06ergo
49:07sorry.
49:15However
49:16this car
49:17has given
49:17the world
49:18a problem
49:18because
49:19you see
49:19for years
49:20I know loads of people
49:21who've always had
49:225 Series BMWs
49:23they've all looked at this
49:24and went
49:24that is so ugly
49:26there's no way
49:26I'm going to have one
49:27so it leaves them a problem
49:28what do they buy?
49:30Well
49:30eventually
49:31they're going to have to have
49:32something done
49:32with their teeth
49:33and while the dentist
49:34has got his bit
49:36in their mouths
49:37he's going to say
49:38I've got a Saab
49:40all dentists have Saab
49:41okay
49:41all
49:42and graphic designers
49:43all have them
49:44and all architects
49:44have them
49:45and all Stephen Fry's
49:46have them
49:46and when you ask someone
49:48who's got a Saab
49:48why
49:49you always get the same
49:50patronising smile
49:52like
49:53they know something
49:54we don't
49:55okay
49:56and I think
49:57I've worked out
49:57what it is
49:58okay
49:58I think
50:00it's because
50:00they spend all day
50:02doing root canals
50:03then when they drive home
50:04they think
50:05I'm not a dentist
50:06I'm Chuck Yeager
50:08Saab has been telling us
50:15for years
50:16that their cars
50:17are jets
50:17with number plates
50:19the message is clear
50:22buy a 9-5
50:23and you'll be able
50:23to blast a hole
50:25in the sound barrier
50:26and manoeuvre up
50:27your own tailpipe
50:28really
50:30I mean
50:32do jet fighters
50:33have hand brakes
50:34for instance
50:35or ignition keys
50:36down here
50:37or electric windows
50:38or a cup holder
50:38I actually asked
50:40a bloke from Saab
50:41the other day
50:41what elements
50:42of this
50:43come from
50:44the aeronautical industry
50:46and all he could come up with
50:47was this
50:48night panel button
50:49on the dashboard
50:50which turns all the lights
50:52and most of the dials off
50:53at night
50:54that's it
50:56that's handy
50:58if you want to line up
50:59for a bombing run
51:00on a Soviet nuclear submarine base
51:02but of limited use
51:04on the A38
51:05just outside Burton
51:06on Trent
51:07there are other differences too
51:11the plane takes off
51:13at 137 miles an hour
51:15the car doesn't
51:16the plane is made by Saab
51:19the car is made
51:21by General Motors
51:22and finally
51:24the plane
51:25uses a Volvo engine
51:27now what I'd like to do
51:29at this point
51:30to demonstrate
51:30the difference
51:31between car and plane
51:32even more
51:33is bolt the Stig
51:35into the Saab here
51:36and have him race
51:38a fighter jet
51:39round our track
51:40any trouble is
51:41can you imagine
51:42ringing up
51:43the Royal Navy
51:44and saying
51:44hello I'm from
51:45that pokey motoring
51:46programme on BBC2
51:47would it be possible
51:48to borrow
51:48one of your Sea Harriers
51:49you can imagine
51:51what the response
51:52would be
51:53yes they were there
51:55in a jiffy
51:56so top of the range
51:58Saab 95
51:59hot arrow
51:59versus
52:00Sea Harrier
52:01FA2
52:02and they're off
52:052.3 litre
52:06250 horsepower
52:07turbo
52:07against 21.5
52:09thousand pounds
52:10of jet thrust
52:11Arias off the ground
52:12and already
52:13we're in 200 miles an hour
52:14Saab's up to 58
52:16planes pulling 6G
52:19in the corners
52:19and the car's still
52:20lumbering down
52:21the first straight
52:22it's another corner
52:25dispatch
52:25and the pilot
52:27yes I think he's
52:28already got the finish line
52:29in his crosshairs
52:30and the car
52:30yes well here it comes
52:32up to the second corner
52:33which is Chicago
52:34with an understeer
52:37on the way in
52:37and lots and lots
52:38of understeer
52:39on the way out
52:40and the plane
52:41yes there it goes
52:41across the finishing line
52:43it's Ryder the Valkyries
52:49or as he knows it
52:50the music from
52:51the Pirelli advert
52:52through the follow
52:54through
52:54but he's quick
52:55it is quick
52:56Stead's not giving up
52:57I like to see that
52:58in a man
52:59but he's nearly lost
53:01it going into
53:01Gabbro
53:02he's just held it
53:03and across
53:04oh look
53:04the plane's waiting
53:05for him
53:05that's nice
53:06what about that
53:11well done
53:15brilliant
53:16the pilot
53:16did go a bit
53:17wide in some
53:18of the corners
53:19didn't he
53:19he did go wide
53:20he did say
53:21with a Harrier
53:21it would be possible
53:23to actually follow
53:24the confines of the track
53:25and it would still
53:26be faster
53:26than the car
53:27but we said
53:28no no no
53:28go for it
53:29so he did run
53:30a bit wide
53:30I mean over this corner
53:31he was over Brighton
53:32around here
53:33it was Oxford
53:33coming around that one
53:34he actually hit Edinburgh
53:35but I have the time
53:38you want to know
53:38go on
53:3931
53:4131.2 seconds
53:43so
53:44if you could pop that up
53:46for us there
53:46Richard
53:47thank you very much
53:52that's the new
53:55that's the new
53:57fastest
53:58thing whenever
54:00they go around
54:00our track
54:01the thing that might
54:01laugh to get that
54:02right the car
54:03137.9
54:06that's nearly a second
54:07and a half slower
54:08than a Honda Civic
54:10which takes us back
54:12to the original question
54:13why do those people
54:15who have SARBs
54:16have that smile
54:17on their face
54:18well I went back
54:21out there
54:21to find out
54:22to drive
54:27it's nice
54:28in a quiet
54:29relaxing
54:29non-jet fighter
54:30sort of way
54:31middle of the road
54:32motoring
54:33from the country
54:34that invented
54:34middle of the road
54:35pop
54:36it costs
54:4027,000 pounds
54:41not quite as much
54:42as you'd pay
54:43for the German
54:43alternatives
54:44but not a bargain
54:46either
54:46inside I can find
54:50very little
54:52that would put
54:52that smile
54:53on the face
54:54of the graphic
54:55designers
54:55and the architects
54:56and the dentists
54:57who buy these things
54:58the thing I like
54:59most of all
55:00is this satellite
55:01navigation system
55:01you get a touch screen
55:03and it lets you
55:04choose your language
55:05and it can have
55:06English UK
55:07and English
55:09US
55:10sort of exactly
55:11the same
55:12but with extra
55:12adenoids
55:14I also
55:17like the performance
55:18like all the
55:21fastest Euroboxers
55:22it gets from
55:230 to 60
55:24in 6 or so seconds
55:25and keeps on going
55:26to 155
55:28the only trouble
55:32is that to get
55:33that level of performance
55:34from a big car
55:35you need a lot of power
55:37and that's okay
55:37with a Mercedes
55:38or a Jaguar
55:40or a BMW
55:40because they're
55:41rear wheel drive
55:42but this
55:42isn't
55:44an engineer
55:47at Saab
55:47once told me
55:48that the absolute
55:49limit for a
55:50front wheel drive car
55:51is 220 brake
55:53horsepower
55:54this has 250
55:56handling is just
56:01hysterical
56:02it's like driving
56:02a fast
56:03bouncy castle
56:04but if you push
56:07too hard in a corner
56:08you just go into
56:08a world of
56:09smoke and
56:10brimstone
56:11and then you come
56:20out of the corner
56:21on the other side
56:22and everything's fine
56:23except you need
56:24some new tyres
56:25this car has a five star
56:32safety rating
56:33that's the top
56:33but I suspect
56:35it has nothing to do
56:36with the strength
56:37of the passenger cell
56:38or the energy
56:39absorbance of the front
56:41and everything to do
56:42with the fact
56:42it's almost impossible
56:45to crash it
56:46so to sum up
56:51it has foolproof
56:52handling
56:52it's quite fast
56:53quite good looking
56:54and it's quite hard
56:56to think why
56:57anyone would buy this
56:58instead of a Merc
56:59perhaps though
57:04I'm missing something
57:05perhaps it's at the
57:06cutting edge
57:07in some other
57:08unusual way
57:10somehow
57:18I doubt it
57:19you see
57:20this car
57:20is part
57:21Vauxhall Vectra
57:22part
57:22Saab 9000
57:24and the 9000
57:25is so old
57:26that I think
57:26I'm right in saying
57:27Helen of Troy
57:28had one
57:28I think that was
57:30the car
57:30that the suspension
57:31was made out of
57:32myrrh
57:32you have to dig
57:36very deep
57:37to find the point
57:38of this car
57:39but it's worth it
57:40because it's there
57:42all right
57:43firstly
57:47it's eco-friendly
57:48the trees hug it
57:49as it goes by
57:51and then
57:52there's the mid-range
57:53clout
57:54the rate this thing
57:55goes in second gear
57:56from 40 to 70 miles
57:57an hour
57:58is just
57:59that is
58:02sensational
58:03for overtaking a lorry
58:06never mind a 5 series BMW
58:08this will do it quicker
58:10than a Porsche 911 turbo
58:12treading on the throttle
58:18in second gear
58:20gives you some idea
58:21of what it would be like
58:22to tread on a landmine
58:23woof
58:24so there you are
58:28the Saab 9.5
58:30good in parts
58:31better in others
58:33what a nice programme
58:36it was tonight
58:37really was
58:38and a nice sign
58:40I really like that
58:41I drove a really nice Subaru
58:43exactly
58:43I didn't drown
58:44which is nice
58:45and we had the lovely Bentley
58:47that was very nice
58:48most of all though
58:48we had some fantastic people here
58:50and I want you to give them
58:51a round of applause
58:51to make HMS invincible
58:52abroad
58:52and that's all we've got time for
58:57I'm afraid
58:57see you next week
58:58bye
58:59Also
59:09you're good in part
59:15you're good in part
59:15you
59:16Υπότιτλοι AUTHORWAVE
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