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00:00违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
00:30违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:00违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:02违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:04违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:06违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:08违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:10违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:12违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:14违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:16违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:18违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:20违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:22违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:24违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:26违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:28违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:30违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
01:32伪位位维 蟺蟻伪纬渭伪蟿喂魏维, 蟿蔚位蔚蠀蟿伪委蟼 蠂蟻蠈谓喂伪 蟺蟻苇蟺蔚喂 谓伪 蟽蠀谓蔚蠂委蟽蔚喂蟼 渭蔚 蟿畏 未畏渭慰蟽喂慰纬蟻伪蠁萎 蟿畏蟼 渭慰谓伪未喂魏萎蟼 渭慰谓伪未喂魏萎蟼.
01:38螤伪蟻伪魏慰位慰蠀胃蔚委蟼 蠈渭蠅蟼 伪蠀蟿维.
01:40违蟺蠈蟿喂蟿位慰喂 AUTHORWAVE
02:10The new Harrier GR9 is cleverer, faster, more comfortable and easier to fly.
02:16This jet fighter has raised its game, but in a world of Porsche Bolsters and Z4s, can the TVR do the same?
02:28Well, it's still a TVR. That's to say it's raucous, raw, insane to look at.
02:35It smells like a fiberglass canoe factory in here. It's also loud. Properly, properly loud.
02:44And along with the usual TVR noise, you get the usual TVR interior.
02:55Crazy, hand-stitched leather, spangled with beautifully crafted switchgear.
03:00Hmm, so far then, it's same old, same old.
03:08However, there is a fundamental difference here. It goes all the way through the car.
03:12The ride, it's just right. On A and B roads, fine.
03:16It feels more grown-up. More like a proper car from a sensible, grown-up manufacturer.
03:26So, finally, there's a TVR that you really can use. It's almost an everyday car.
03:33I really like it. It works.
03:37It must have limits, though, but it's not wise to try and find them on the road.
03:42So, let's be off to the track.
03:44Oh, this feels good. This feels good.
04:03It feels tight and taut and together.
04:07It's these brakes, though.
04:10Ooh.
04:11I mean, I love accelerating.
04:13Ooh, just...
04:14But for the first time in my life, I am looking forward to braking almost as much.
04:28I'm normally driving a TVR with any kind of sense of purpose.
04:33It's a bit like chatting to a bloke in the pub, and, you know, he says,
04:36Oh, yeah, we went on holiday, took the missus in the caravan,
04:39and then, poof, punches you in the face. No warning.
04:42This, though, it's got understeer.
04:48It's telling me, it's saying,
04:50Oh, I've got to let you know, you're getting on my nerves a little bit.
04:56It hasn't lost the leeriness, but it's just been to anger management.
05:01And that makes it the most user-friendly TVR I've ever been in.
05:08But it does still have TVR blood in its veins.
05:14So if you push it and push it...
05:22You can still make a hash of it.
05:24But you've really, really got to want to provoke it.
05:43I mean, like walking through the lion enclosure,
05:46covered in sausages,
05:47and then spilling their pints.
05:50I'm driving the TVR on a wet track,
05:53and somehow I don't feel like I've got the Grim Reaper
05:57sitting in the seat next to me, kind of,
05:59clearing his throat, ready to see me off.
06:02So like the Harrier,
06:09the TVR 350C keeps its character.
06:12But in a world of young guns,
06:14it can still cut it.
06:20Wonderful.
06:21It's magnificent.
06:22Great car.
06:23Best TVR I've ever driven, that.
06:24Yep, you could live with it.
06:25It's a proper machine.
06:26Really could.
06:27Yes.
06:28However...
06:28Oh, dear.
06:29If I were going to buy a British sports car,
06:31I'd be tempted by one of these,
06:33I must admit.
06:34The noble, okay?
06:35Now, it came here last year,
06:36did a 133 in the wet.
06:39Yeah, I reckon the TVR would thrash that, anyway.
06:41But that was with the 2.5-litre engine.
06:44It now has a 3-litre engine.
06:46It's a 3-litre Mondeo engine.
06:49It's a Ford Mondeo engine.
06:50A turbocharged...
06:51Ford Mondeo engine.
06:53This has a proper straight-six configuration.
06:56It's a proper race car engine in the TVR.
06:58Mate, that's just a childish thing.
07:00Right, you've asked for it.
07:01Top trumps.
07:02Okay, then.
07:02Top trumps, okay?
07:04Give me a nought to 60 time, eh?
07:064.4 seconds, thank you.
07:08Pap, 4.1.
07:09Oh, it's a thrash, it's a thrash.
07:10It's a thrash, it's a thrash, it's a thrash.
07:11It's a thrash, it's a thrash.
07:11It's a thrash, it's a thrash.
07:12It's a thrash, it's a thrash.
07:12It's pathetic.
07:13Okay, top speed.
07:14175 miles an hour.
07:16Go on, big fella.
07:17What have you got?
07:18Come on.
07:19175 miles an hour.
07:22167.
07:24Yes!
07:25Thank you.
07:25Um, uh, tell you what, price.
07:28What is it?
07:29Mine is 38,500 quid.
07:32What is it going?
07:33Sorry, that's only like 40-something to me, so it's more.
07:37What is it?
07:37Well, that's 47,000, so it's nearly 9,000.
07:40That's another car on top of the TVR.
07:41That's made in Blackpool.
07:43Well, yours is nailed together in South Africa and then shipped into Leicestershire.
07:47I mean, it's hardly glamorous.
07:49We're going to settle this, right?
07:52Yeah.
07:52The track.
07:53Wheel out the stick.
07:54All right.
07:54This is a duel.
07:57That's a magnificent start.
07:59He's gone.
07:59Look at that.
08:00It's up to 30.
08:01No, I'm sorry.
08:02That's in his...
08:02Oh, that's nice.
08:06That's...
08:06Oh, look.
08:07It's a proud thing.
08:08Look at the control there.
08:09I think that's a record for the slowest ever around that corner.
08:12It's twitching.
08:13It's under control.
08:14Nearly lost it under braking there.
08:16Very gentle drift, and it looks so glorious.
08:19What a proper car.
08:21Just letting it run white.
08:22Look at that.
08:24Do you know, is this lap ever going to end?
08:26Listen to that straight six.
08:28It's...
08:28Oh, fantastic.
08:3045 miles an hour.
08:31Don't be ridiculous.
08:32Gambon, look at the control.
08:33Final corner.
08:33Little bit of drift.
08:34Oh, that was...
08:36That was moving, Jeremy.
08:37It's finished, does it?
08:38I'll see what your ridiculous Mondeo engine thing does.
08:40Now let me show you what real performance is.
08:43Go on, then.
08:43Watch this.
08:44It's gone already.
08:47It's already in the next county.
08:48You've got a private plate.
08:50That is fabulous.
08:51Look, on the brakes.
08:53No understeer in this.
08:54Well, isn't it?
08:55No understeer in this at all.
08:57Because it's dangerous, Jeremy.
08:58It does.
08:59Look at that.
08:59It's oversteer.
09:00No, he didn't lose it in braking there.
09:02No, he's understeer around here.
09:03No, look at that.
09:04It's manly.
09:05It's her suit.
09:06It's masculine in every way.
09:08It's plainly ridiculous.
09:09Any minute now, he is going to crash.
09:10No, he isn't.
09:11Look at that.
09:12Beautiful driving from the stick.
09:15And a very noble, noble.
09:17And across the line.
09:18And there we are.
09:19Well, I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
09:21Okay, one minute.
09:22Okay, I've got a one minute 20.
09:2420.
09:25I'm surprised you did it in a 120-something.
09:27Don't be ridiculous.
09:28What were you?
09:28One minute 20.
09:30Seven.
09:30I thank you.
09:31Which puts it...
09:32Oh, that is very fast.
09:34Look at that.
09:34Let me give you a hand.
09:35There we go.
09:35One 20.
09:36Seven.
09:36Well, that's fantastic.
09:38Sadly, though.
09:39One minute 25, everybody.
09:41Yeah, but look at it.
09:51Loser!
09:53Loser!
09:55No!
09:55Loser!
09:56That's going to be the wing.
09:57Loser, loser, loser.
09:58It's a ridiculous hook.
09:59Look, it's a childish car.
10:01And look what it's brought out in here.
10:04It's not a man's sports car.
10:05I mean, look, now you've just been childish.
10:07I'm not going to get cross.
10:07You lost.
10:09No, you're not annoying me.
10:10I don't care.
10:11I don't care.
10:13It was...
10:14Right, the news.
10:16And we begin tonight with a...
10:18Well, probably the best piece of news I've ever heard since I was born.
10:22An event, in fact...
10:23Don't...
10:24Which eclipses the very miracle of my birth.
10:27Hang on.
10:27The best piece of news you've ever heard, ever.
10:29What is it?
10:31They're going to stop making the beetle.
10:33And that's it?
10:35That's not a new one.
10:36That is fantastic.
10:37That's not that good, is it?
10:38They're still making it until the 30th of July, and then it stops forever.
10:42And why is that so good, really?
10:43Why do you hate it so much?
10:45Do you really want me to do it?
10:46Well, no, just...
10:47I can't...
10:47Okay, it's a rubbish car.
10:51That's incisive.
10:51That's the first thing.
10:52It's a rubbish car.
10:53Secondly, it was a scandal.
10:55Okay, that car was stolen from a Czech bloke called Ledwinka, I think, by Hitler and his henchmen.
11:01They put it into production.
11:03They stole money off the German people to build it and to build a factory.
11:07They never got a car.
11:08Instead, they used the factory and slave Russian labor from the Eastern Front to build V-1 bombs.
11:14You can't blame the car for it.
11:15You can't blame the poor little Herbie.
11:17And I haven't finished yet.
11:18Oh, will you?
11:19In the factory, Russian slave labor built V-1 flying bombs, one of which landed where my house now stands.
11:25That is the most convoluted reason for painting...
11:28There's more.
11:29Oh, no.
11:29Does anybody own a Beetle?
11:31No.
11:32No, nobody's going to...
11:33Right, are you happy driving around in a mass murderer's personal bifurbat?
11:37You are.
11:39But what?
11:39I mean, I don't understand it.
11:40It's completely wrong.
11:42It's gone and you're rejoicing.
11:43I'm chuffed a bit.
11:44And I couldn't care less.
11:46Have to say me neither, but, you know, there you go.
11:47You're a loser.
11:51What's the loser got for us this week, loser?
11:54Well, big oaf.
11:55I've got the following.
11:56More good news, actually, for you.
11:59Because a while ago we saw, or Vauxhall showed us, the new Astra.
12:04Well, at least what they said it was going to look like.
12:06We've got a picture of it here.
12:07Now, that we all agreed, I think we are all agreed, is a fantastic looking thing.
12:12And Jeremy said, well, if it looks anything like that when they make the real one, I'll eat my hair.
12:19And the good news for you, Jeremy, is it looks like this.
12:23Oh.
12:25So, it's, uh, it's safe.
12:28It's safe.
12:28Yeah.
12:28I mean, they send us a load of stuff on it.
12:30And I've been through it all.
12:31And all I can see is lights.
12:33It tells you it's got, this is a good one, forward lighting headlamp system.
12:36I'm always fed at your turn.
12:40and they're like, I've illuminated my engine bay again and that's where I'm going.
12:44And it goes on about the rear, light scattering translucent technology in the rear lamps, so they light up.
12:50Yeah, I don't get that.
12:51Right, quick one.
12:52John Prescott, right, always telling us, use our cars less.
12:55We know the fella.
12:56Last year spent 320,000 pounds on taxi fares, which, I mean, that equates to, we worked out about 900 quid a day.
13:08Where's he going?
13:09Well, exactly.
13:10And why are they bringing him back?
13:11Precisely.
13:12Leaving him there.
13:14You don't want to hear go to the Goodwood Festival of Speed?
13:15Yes.
13:16Wasn't it fantastic?
13:18Best thing for me, though, was JK turned up with his new Ferrari Enzo, 300 and however many thousand pounds it is.
13:26Parked it in the car park.
13:27We've got a picture of it here, okay, which somebody sent to us.
13:29Now, someone wrote something on the bonnet.
13:31You want to see what it is?
13:33Jody was faster.
13:34Yes!
13:41You were there, though.
13:44You were there.
13:45It wasn't, you didn't.
13:46I didn't do it.
13:47No, I just walked past and thought, that is very, very funny.
13:49He spent the entire day saying to people, no, yes, I will come back.
13:52No, yes, I do hate her.
13:54It's marvellous.
13:55It was a fantastic event, though, Goodwood, this year.
13:58Well, it's massive now, isn't it?
13:59It is.
13:59It's global.
14:00It's like every Grand Prix and every classic car show jammed together on a gorgeous sunny day.
14:05I've never, it's brilliant.
14:07It is car-
14:08Elmett Furson.
14:09Who's Elmett Furson?
14:10Elmett Furson.
14:11Is that an old racing driver?
14:13No, you buffoon.
14:14He thinks hello is a form of greeting.
14:17Well, Elmett Furson is known as the, she's a girl, James.
14:19You really do live somewhere else, don't you, James?
14:22What's the L stand for?
14:24No!
14:26She waved at me.
14:27Are you sure it was a wave?
14:28Yeah, she waved at me.
14:29Wasn't it?
14:30No, no, it wasn't shooing me away or anything.
14:32She waved at me and I saw David Coulthard and I've got surprising news on that.
14:37Oh, yeah?
14:37I think, you know Men in Black, you know the film, Men in Black, which has got basic, the basic premise is there are aliens living on Earth disguised as humans.
14:45Now, David Coulthard, don't you think?
14:49With that cheek, I've always suspected that if you peel away his overalls, he's actually got flippers.
14:54This is great and lovely and all those people you met, that's smashing.
14:59But it was a car event predominantly because we've got the catalogue thing from it here.
15:03The stuff that was there is incredible.
15:05It was.
15:06Did you look at any of it?
15:07Cars?
15:08Yeah.
15:08What did you, I mean the McLaren?
15:09Do you know what I did?
15:10I went up the hill in the, there's a hill that you basically drive, all the cars go up.
15:14And I went up in the McLaren Mercedes.
15:16The SLR.
15:17The new SLR.
15:18Yeah, stunning thing.
15:19And?
15:20Well, I was still a bit drunk.
15:22So I have, there it is, look, I think.
15:25I have, I don't know.
15:26So hang on, so you're probably the first UK journalist to get in that car.
15:30Yeah.
15:30Yeah.
15:30We've been talking about it for what now, two years?
15:32Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:33Probably.
15:34And you went up the hill drunk, waving at McPherson Strutt, or whatever her name is.
15:39It wasn't driving, it was slumped in the passenger seat.
15:42Oh, that's all right then.
15:43Well, can you tell us anything about it?
15:45What was it?
15:45It made a jolly loud noise in the condition I was in, now it's for sure.
15:49It sounded like a, a Messerschmitt had mated with a Spitfire.
15:53To your drunken brain at that time, is it?
15:55It was a way, only louder than that.
15:58You wouldn't make much of a war correspondent, would you, standing there in war-torn wherever
16:01with a desolated landscape.
16:03So, Jeremy, what happened?
16:04Da-da, drunk, missed it.
16:05Then you're right, all of this.
16:07Can we get on?
16:09Good, because if you've got a lot of money to spend on a big four-door saloon car,
16:14there's already lots and lots of choice.
16:17You've got the Audi A8, the Mercedes S-Class, and the Jaguar XJ.
16:25But now there's a new alternative.
16:28And here it is in all its brownness.
16:31It's called the Phaeton, and it costs 拢65,000.
16:36which is odd, because it's a Volkswagen, and Volkswagen means people's car.
16:45Right.
16:45When they found evidence of life on Mars, it was a big deal.
16:54But this is bigger.
16:55This proves there are traces of humour in the fatherland.
16:59This is the first ever recorded example of a German joke.
17:05A Volkswagen that costs 拢65,000.
17:09But actually, it isn't funny.
17:21You see, the Phaeton was the swan song for Volkswagen's boss, Ferdinand Pieck.
17:27He was retiring, and he wanted to go out with a bang.
17:30He wanted to make the best car ever.
17:33He laid down a set of ten parameters,
17:38which were apparently so impossible
17:40that half his engineering team walked out.
17:43They said it couldn't be done.
17:48I'm trying to get Volkswagen to tell me what these parameters are,
17:51but they say they're a secret.
17:52They'll only give me one just to give me a flavour.
17:56And apparently, Pieck insisted that you should be able to drive the Ferdinand
18:00all day at 186 miles an hour,
18:03when it's 122 degrees outside,
18:06and the air conditioning must be able to maintain a temperature
18:10in the car of 71.6 degrees.
18:16My, I bet he was fun to get out with of an evening.
18:23Now, I know this looks like a boring car
18:26from a boring man on a boring, wet day.
18:28but stay with me
18:29because the attention to detail and the feet on
18:32is staggering.
18:36Since we've been talking about air conditioning and heating,
18:39let's stick with it.
18:40Most cars blow air into your face through vents like this,
18:43but look what happens in this one.
18:45Push this button,
18:46and a panel slides down
18:48where it acts as a sort of radiator.
18:51First car I've ever been in
18:52that's got central heating.
18:54and there's a dehumidifier in here, too,
18:56so the windows cannot steam up
18:59no matter what you get up to.
19:04Happily, I can test that out
19:06by stepping into the back
19:07with the lovely Danielle here.
19:10Just pop in.
19:12Don't worry, it's all in the name of science.
19:14There we are.
19:19That is extraordinary.
19:31We've made ourselves a lovely cup of tea back here.
19:33As you can see, the kettle is bubbling away,
19:36but we can still see out of the windows.
19:40Lovely view.
19:42Eee!
19:43Isn't it nice?
19:47There's more, too.
19:50Look at these hinges.
19:52No-one's ever going to see them,
19:54and yet they're so beautifully machined.
19:57And round at the front,
19:59things get even more German.
20:02Normally, when you use the headlamp washers in a car,
20:06huge jets of water squirt onto the glass,
20:10and for a moment,
20:11you can't see where you're going.
20:13But look what happens in this.
20:14This one fires first of all,
20:17and then when it's done,
20:18this one fires.
20:20So there's always some illumination.
20:23And then there's the bonnet.
20:24pierc insisted that it had to stay absolutely flat
20:28and level with no vibration
20:29right up to 190 miles an hour,
20:33which sounds like overkill, really,
20:36because the phaeton is limited to 155.
20:41I have, however, driven one of these things
20:43without a limiter,
20:45and it went up to a smooth and totally stable
20:48201 miles an hour.
20:52And even at that speed,
20:54I still couldn't hear the engine.
20:58It's two 3-litre V6s glued together,
21:02so the cylinders are actually in that sort of a shape.
21:05It's a 6-litre W12.
21:10It's an amazing engine.
21:11It's an amazing car.
21:17You know something?
21:18What?
21:19It pains me to admit it,
21:21but if I were going to buy
21:22big four-door saloon,
21:24wouldn't be the Jag.
21:25I would have that phaeton.
21:26Over the Jag, even with the VW badge.
21:28It's an amazing car, as I said.
21:30Amazing.
21:31Well, the interesting thing is
21:32they're going to do a two-door version of the phaeton,
21:36kind of.
21:36Basically, it's all the technical stuff
21:38out of that car in a different body.
21:41but with a much better badge.
21:43It's this,
21:44the Bentley Continental GT.
21:46And it is probably
21:47the most eagerly anticipated car for decades.
21:50Designed by a Belgian bloke.
21:52Apparently so, yes.
21:53Whose only previous credit
21:54was the Skoda Fabia.
21:56Yeah, well, it's a bit of a career jump.
21:57It's like an architect doing a garage
21:59and then doing the Natural History Museum next week.
22:02I know, but he can be proud.
22:03His mum can be proud.
22:04She can be chuffed.
22:04I mean, look at this interior.
22:07Scoop round and get in here.
22:08Honestly,
22:09it puts me in mind of the old Aston Martin Vantage.
22:12You've got bits of phaeton stuff
22:13all over everywhere,
22:14but there's a sense of absolute luxury
22:17and absolute power.
22:20Now, Bentley have said,
22:21we can't drive it yet
22:22because it's not ready.
22:23But they're going to have to have it ready
22:24by the end of the year
22:25because that's when it's launched.
22:26It'll cost 120,000 quid.
22:29Tell them how fast it goes.
22:30Well, absolutely,
22:31because 0-60 time.
22:32This is a big car, remember?
22:34A big Bentley,
22:35about the size of this building.
22:360-60, 4.8.
22:384.8 seconds.
22:40Tell them the top speed.
22:40Top speed.
22:41Top speed.
22:41Any ideas?
22:42I'll tell you.
22:43Yes.
22:43It's at London.
22:56Well, you get clever.
22:58That's what you get.
22:59He's wrong.
23:00It's 198 miles an hour.
23:02Yeah!
23:03Won't do that again.
23:05And 198 is phenomenally fast.
23:08Truth be told,
23:09you know,
23:10we're not Bentley owners.
23:11You're not.
23:11I'm certainly not.
23:12So we probably could do
23:13with the opinion of one.
23:15Yeah.
23:15And look what we have here.
23:17You have a Bentley.
23:18Sort of.
23:19Sort of.
23:19It's a very old one,
23:20but it's a Bentley nevertheless.
23:21So what do you think of this?
23:23What do I think of that?
23:24Well, the engine's good.
23:26You know that.
23:26And it's got two turbochargers as well.
23:28Which the Phaeton doesn't have.
23:29Exactly.
23:30Do you know it's got 550 brake horsepower?
23:32there's 50 more
23:33than a Ferrari 575.
23:35And the torque.
23:35They put it on the machine
23:36and it just ripped the machine apart.
23:38It turned the house,
23:39the machine was in upside down
23:41and roared off.
23:42Yeah.
23:42So the engine's good.
23:43Just a bit.
23:44Right?
23:44We like the shape.
23:45Yeah.
23:45We like the interior.
23:46Yeah.
23:47We like the ashtray actions.
23:48I haven't actually looked in the boot,
23:50but it's going to be good,
23:51I'm sure.
23:51It's really not stacking up
23:52to be a recipe for disaster,
23:54this thing, is it?
23:54It's looking good.
23:55We're going to be testing it,
23:57obviously, in the next series.
23:59I'm going to be testing it
24:00in the next series.
24:01Actually, it's I think
24:02the opinion of a younger guy
24:03It's a heavy car
24:05and it's a heavy driver.
24:06It's a gentleman's car.
24:07It's a young man's bender.
24:08We will be testing it
24:10and I will be telling you
24:12what it's like
24:12in the next series.
24:13Now, though,
24:14we've got to meet
24:15our guest tonight.
24:16He has the second worst hair
24:18on television.
24:20You know him as Jonathan Creek,
24:21ladies and gentlemen.
24:22Alan Davis!
24:22What's up to your locks?
24:41You mean they're not as long as...
24:43No, I thought they were longer than that.
24:44Well, they used to be very long
24:46but the hair technology has moved on
24:48and you can now glue hair in
24:50if you need it.
24:51Oh, is that glued on
24:52in Jonathan Creek?
24:53Yeah.
24:54Is it really hair extensions?
24:55Yeah, the last two series
24:56have been glued in hair
24:57from Eastern Europe.
24:57You are a bit of a petrol head
25:02beneath the hair extensions.
25:04I like a car.
25:06You do like a car.
25:07What have you got?
25:08I've got an Alpha 147.
25:11There, you see.
25:11They're not...
25:12Look at this.
25:12Now, this is an interesting thing.
25:13Nothing interesting.
25:14Do that face again
25:15that you just did.
25:17That sort of knowing...
25:19There, that.
25:19That was a knowing...
25:20And I think there's a reason for that.
25:22I've got a theory on alphas.
25:23I don't think it's possible
25:24to be a proper petrol head
25:26unless at some point in your life
25:28you've owned an Alfa Romeo.
25:29You think?
25:30Yeah.
25:30Well, I take that as a compliment.
25:33So you had Cavaliers,
25:35didn't you, for a while?
25:36I had a Mini
25:36and then I got a white Vauxhall Cavalier
25:41in about 1984-05.
25:45My dad got it for me.
25:46But I don't understand this.
25:47Where is Harry Enfield
25:48had a Cavalier at one time?
25:50Yes.
25:51Convertible.
25:51Did he?
25:52Yeah, a Cavalier.
25:53He's the only person in Britain
25:54who bought one.
25:55Is there a Cavalier thing
25:56running through the sort of stand-up?
25:59It might be.
26:00Mark Lamar had a Cavalier.
26:01We had Cavaliers at the same time.
26:02We'd stand outside clubs going,
26:04look at you all,
26:05mine's good, aren't they?
26:06And then Enfield would turn up
26:07with his convertible.
26:09Yeah.
26:10That would be...
26:11Did you all go around together then?
26:12Well, you do gigs out of town always
26:15and I'd take...
26:16You'd take three or four people.
26:18You'd say, who's driving?
26:19So you'd be in Birmingham
26:20and I was in the Cavalier.
26:21I was driving.
26:22and we were coming back one night
26:23from a club in Birmingham
26:24down the M6
26:26and in the middle of the road
26:27were two vast limos
26:29and I'm in the outside lane
26:31and I had Harry Hill next to me
26:33here and two other guys in the back.
26:35And we get alongside the first limo
26:37and it's a bloat and a cat
26:38and the one in front
26:39is Barry Manilow.
26:40Unmistakably, Barry Manilow,
26:43remember, we're in profile.
26:45Unmistakably, Barry Manilow
26:47and Harry Hill immediately starts,
26:50you write the songs
26:51that make the whole world sing.
26:55And then he looks across like that
26:57and there's four blokes
26:58and a second-hand Cavalier going,
26:59you write the songs,
27:00you write the songs.
27:02And then he sped off about 90.
27:04But we did that once,
27:06we came back from Birmingham,
27:07Lee Evans was driving.
27:08and I can't remember,
27:09I don't think he had a Cavalier
27:10but it was something similar
27:10and there's about four of us in it
27:13and we said,
27:14Lee, we've got to get some chips,
27:15we're really hungry.
27:16He said, all right.
27:17So we go.
27:19We head off into Birmingham town centre
27:21and finally,
27:23and we get pulled over
27:23and the police get him out of the car
27:26and make him go and sit in their car.
27:28So we're sat behind thinking,
27:30this is probably really bad.
27:31And then a cop got out of their car,
27:33came and stuck his head in our window
27:35and he goes,
27:36so you's lot of all comedians.
27:38We didn't speak,
27:42we were just...
27:43Coogan was around at that time
27:45and he was complete petrol nut.
27:47Coogan loves cars.
27:48I mean,
27:49I only went in Coogan's car once.
27:50He had an MX-5,
27:52a left-hand drive MX-5
27:53with some sort of nitroglycerine attachment to it.
27:58Turbocharger, probably.
28:00And having,
28:01we've done this corporate gig
28:02at Beverly Racecourse
28:03and having all of us
28:04failed to get off with anyone,
28:05and he offered me a lift back in it
28:07because I was the closest thing to a girl.
28:10And the rest of the comics
28:12are in the minibus
28:13that we all went up in.
28:14So we've shot off
28:15in this thing.
28:16And he did the full thing
28:17that he would have done
28:18if I was a girl.
28:19Flipped the roof off
28:20doing about 80 miles an hour.
28:22Clip, clip,
28:23one hand on the wheel.
28:27I'm looking at the speedo.
28:28We're coming to a roundabout.
28:29It's on 100.
28:30And I'm thinking,
28:30we're doing 100 miles an hour
28:31and then I realize it's at import,
28:32right, so it's kilometers.
28:33But it's still too far.
28:34It's still 62.
28:35And they're in one of these country hotels
28:37where you've got a gate
28:38and then dark bit
28:39and then the hotel.
28:40And you would think
28:41that the road would go
28:42straight from the gate
28:43to the hotel.
28:44So he went into it,
28:46straight off the road,
28:47into a field,
28:49bouncing,
28:49and there's a fence like that.
28:53Meanwhile,
28:54the minibus is going,
28:54you know,
28:55he's seeing it.
28:58He's real hair and taut stuff.
28:59He's got to spin it backwards.
29:02And then it's hissing
29:03and spitting
29:04and get into the car park
29:05and leap out casually
29:06with the car completely caked in mud.
29:08Beat the minibus.
29:08Beat the minibus.
29:09Do you buy cars for material?
29:11No.
29:12I've never really talked about the car.
29:13Well, I did.
29:14I mean,
29:15there's some stuff that happened to me
29:16when I was younger
29:16that has made for combi material.
29:18I did,
29:19when I was,
29:19about 21,
29:21I got stopped on the M25
29:23and they took me to court
29:25for speeding
29:26and they were in court
29:27and they said he was doing
29:28between 106 and 108 miles an hour.
29:31And I said,
29:32that'll be 107 then.
29:38I thought it was fair.
29:40And they banned me.
29:41They banned me on the spot.
29:42It's in Brentwood court
29:43and I said,
29:44I went next door to the piece
29:45and I said,
29:45how am I going to go?
29:46And I drove.
29:47And they said,
29:48your problem.
29:48and I said,
29:49well, no, really,
29:50how do you get home from Brentwood?
29:51Just forget I'm a criminal.
29:53I'm a convicted man.
29:54Imagine I'm just a lost,
29:55passed by
29:56and you would like to help me.
29:57How do I get back to Loughton
29:59from here?
29:59It's your problem.
30:00So, I got a bit annoyed
30:03and got in a car
30:03and drove.
30:04Woo!
30:04Woo!
30:05Woo!
30:05Laughing!
30:08They were laughing.
30:08Pulled me over,
30:09arrested me,
30:10took me back in the same court,
30:12front of the same magistrate.
30:13So,
30:13took me back
30:15and then they put me
30:15in the public gallery
30:16and this guy said,
30:17you're so unlucky, mate.
30:18They get about four people
30:19a day like that.
30:20Driving home.
30:20Next time,
30:21if you drive here,
30:22park in the hospital
30:23over the road,
30:24they'll never see you.
30:25Laughing
30:25Well, now,
30:29we're going to find out
30:29what you like
30:30in a Suzuki Deanna.
30:31Oh, okay.
30:32Okay.
30:32Was it a nice,
30:33is it raining out there
30:34or is it?
30:34It started to rain
30:35more and more.
30:36So, it was a wet time you had?
30:39It was alright at first
30:40and then it really
30:41was raining quite a lot
30:41and at one point,
30:42just before,
30:43I had to
30:43break, break, break!
30:44There's the Stig.
30:45He kept saying to me.
30:46Turn in, turn in, turn in!
30:48I was actually thinking
30:48break, break, break,
30:49windscreen wipers,
30:50who would you like
30:53to beat on the board?
30:54Where do you think
30:55you want to be?
30:56I mean, Michael Gambon
30:57was here.
30:57He's a wet lap.
30:58The W's are wet.
30:59Ross Kemp, 154, wet.
31:01Coogan, 153 in the wet.
31:03Well, that's respectable,
31:04isn't it?
31:04Near Coogan.
31:05Do you want to beat Coogan?
31:07I don't think I could have him
31:07been in his MX-5.
31:09I've heard it's doubtful.
31:10Well, shall we find out?
31:12Yeah!
31:13Alright, let's have a look.
31:14Let's have a look.
31:17What did you think of the car?
31:19Well, it was surprisingly
31:20all right.
31:20Not bad so far.
31:26Really?
31:27Really?
31:27Really?
31:28F*** it.
31:32That's where JD Kidd was quick
31:33because she never really...
31:35You see, she was on that line
31:37all the way around.
31:37It's hard to stay on the line.
31:39I know.
31:41My word.
31:43Job coming up now
31:44to Michael Gambon corner
31:45where he nearly rolled it.
31:46Are you all right?
31:47yes, yes, yes, and then we go across the line.
31:51Oh!
31:51Yay!
31:52Yay!
31:52Yay!
31:53Yay!
31:57How do I do?
32:00One minute.
32:02Shall we call that wet or dry?
32:05We need a new category.
32:07D for damp.
32:08Damp, yeah.
32:09Mildly damp.
32:10That was a damp.
32:10Yeah, mildly damp.
32:12So, you did it.
32:14Now, Mildly, that was somewhere like...
32:15One minute,
32:17fifty...
32:18four seconds.
32:21Oh, not too bad.
32:22So, you're just behind.
32:25Cougan's...
32:28Thing is, though...
32:32Basically, a second off Cougan,
32:33although he did it in a monsoon
32:35and was 1.53.
32:36Well, that's...
32:37Yeah, I can believe that.
32:38Yeah.
32:38Now,
32:40you didn't have a completely smooth practice
32:43out there, did you?
32:44No.
32:44You broke Aliana.
32:46Yeah, I did.
32:47You broke Aliana.
32:48Look at this.
32:49Look at this, everyone.
32:55Look at that.
32:57Look at that front wheel.
32:58But that wasn't from the spin,
32:59that was from something else.
33:01It wouldn't go...
33:02It wouldn't go around the corner.
33:05It was...
33:06You broke it.
33:09You joined...
33:09You just see the ambulance
33:10in the back room.
33:11Yes, there's always.
33:12But I came around the corner.
33:13That was actually really...
33:15I thought that was my best lap.
33:16It probably wasn't your best lap
33:17with a puncture like that.
33:18Slows you down a bit.
33:20I don't know where the puncture happened.
33:21Nevertheless, a good time.
33:23Great to have you here.
33:24ladies and gentlemen,
33:25Alan Davis.
33:32Now,
33:33news came into the office
33:35the other day
33:36that Cadillac
33:37was in real trouble.
33:38So immediately,
33:39Hammond and I
33:40went for lunch.
33:41May, on the other hand,
33:43said,
33:43No, no, no.
33:44I must go and find out
33:45what's wrong
33:45and what they're doing
33:46to put it right.
33:47So,
33:48over to you,
33:49Billy Bob,
33:50Jimmy May Jr.
33:51the third.
33:54Here's the problem.
33:59Cadillac's main customers
34:00are a lot of doddery old biffers
34:02in Florida.
34:03People who like their suspensions soft,
34:05like their spregs.
34:07The situation's even worse in Britain.
34:09They tried to woo us
34:10with the Cadillac STS,
34:12but nobody bought one.
34:14Well, except Stuart Hall.
34:15clearly,
34:17some drastic measures
34:18are necessary.
34:28So,
34:29how drastic is this?
34:31It's the Cadillac 6D,
34:33a car designed
34:34to show the world
34:34that Cadillac
34:35can once again
34:36lead the way
34:37in luxury.
34:38Well,
34:42it's very big,
34:42which is a good start,
34:44and it's also
34:44rather clever.
34:46Let's have a look
34:46at the engine,
34:47for example.
34:49That
34:50is a 13.5 litre
34:53V16,
34:5416 cylinders.
34:55But if you're just cruising along,
34:57you only use
34:58four cylinders.
34:58If you go to overtake someone,
35:00you get eight cylinders.
35:01And it's only when you flatten it,
35:03as the Americans would say,
35:04that you get all 16.
35:06Now,
35:06that means that this
35:07two-and-a-half-ton,
35:0820-foot-long car
35:10will do 20 miles to the gallon,
35:12which is actually
35:13very impressive.
35:14My old Bentley
35:15does 14 miles to the gallon,
35:17and that's a small car.
35:22Inside,
35:22it's rather like
35:23a very rich,
35:24self-made American's house.
35:25I mean,
35:26the wood is
35:26just a bit too shiny,
35:28really,
35:28and the leather
35:29is a bit like
35:29a supermodel's buttocks.
35:31And the clock
35:32is too posh.
35:34That's good.
35:42So here we are
35:43on the historic
35:44and demanding
35:45Goodwood Race Circuit.
35:46This is where
35:47Stirling Moss nearly died,
35:49and Bruce McLaren did.
35:51And this is
35:52a 1,000-horsepower car,
35:53so I thought
35:54I'd smoke this cigar
35:56and talk about luxury.
35:58I like luxury.
36:08It's the new performance.
36:10It's the new performance.
36:10Do you know,
36:17I think they've got
36:18this spot on.
36:19This is exactly
36:20what a Cadillac
36:21should be.
36:21It's big and plush
36:23and probably
36:24a bit vulgar.
36:26Now,
36:26I don't think
36:27the Queen's
36:27going to have one
36:28because she's got
36:29a Bentley,
36:29and I don't think
36:30Gerhard Schroeder's
36:31going to have one
36:32because he's got
36:33a Mercedes-Benz,
36:35and Elvis can't have one
36:36because he's dead.
36:37but let's think
36:39where the real money
36:39is these days.
36:41Elton John,
36:43David and Victoria,
36:44Puff Diddley,
36:45or Dudley,
36:46or whatever he's called
36:47this week.
36:47Stuart Hall.
36:54This car is absolutely
36:56of its time.
37:00Now,
37:01this is what I call
37:02shock and awe.
37:03It's hammer time.
37:04I have not been
37:06interested in any
37:07Cadillac, really,
37:07not since 57,
37:08and I wasn't born then,
37:09so I wasn't particularly
37:09interested even then,
37:10but this is just
37:11amazing, isn't it?
37:12I think it's just
37:13fabulous.
37:15It's stolen the show
37:16a bit, hasn't it?
37:17It has.
37:17I mean, it has.
37:18It's walked all over
37:19the Bentley,
37:19which we thought
37:20would be the
37:21king of the hill today.
37:23Can they make it?
37:24Well,
37:25I didn't say this
37:26in the film,
37:26but this is really
37:26just a prototype.
37:27It's a sort of
37:28experimental car,
37:29but they could make it
37:30because there's nothing,
37:31there's no pie-in-the-sky stuff.
37:32It's got a proper engine,
37:33it's a proper space frame,
37:35it's got a normal interior,
37:36they could make it.
37:37Can I see that engine?
37:38I know I saw it
37:39when you felt it.
37:39I just want to see it
37:40in real life.
37:41Now, this would be
37:42powered on the real version,
37:43obviously.
37:43Well, it would be.
37:43I know Americans
37:44might lose weight
37:45if they actually
37:45had to do something
37:46for themselves.
37:47Hey!
37:48Look at,
37:49where's the propeller?
37:50Yeah.
37:51I mean,
37:51it either needs one
37:52on the front
37:52or on the back.
37:53That's how many?
37:5413 and a half?
37:55It's actually 13.6 litres,
37:581,000 horsepower.
37:59So,
38:00what will it take for them
38:01to actually put this
38:03into production?
38:03Well, I reckon
38:04those people I mention
38:05in the film,
38:05like, you know,
38:06Elton and...
38:07Elton and...
38:07Posh and Posh.
38:08And you and Stuart Hall.
38:10Stuart Hall?
38:11Stuart Hall.
38:12You ring up Cadillac,
38:14whatever their number is,
38:15and say,
38:15make that car.
38:17So, Stuart,
38:17if you're watching tonight,
38:18do that.
38:19You'll be the talk of Cheshire.
38:22Now,
38:23usually,
38:23when there's anything
38:24on the telly
38:24about disabled drivers,
38:25it's just about
38:26somebody converting
38:27their maestro
38:28so you can put a chair in it,
38:29or it's about parking
38:30close to things.
38:32But not on this show.
38:33because a few weeks ago,
38:35bloke came in
38:36to see the show
38:36in the studio here
38:37in his wheelchair,
38:38and he said,
38:39well,
38:39there's nothing
38:40me and my mates
38:41like more than
38:41hammering around
38:42a racetrack.
38:43And that gave us
38:44an idea.
38:46We set out
38:47to find
38:48Britain's fastest
38:48disabled driver.
38:50We trawled racing clubs
38:51to find the drivers,
38:52we found a specially
38:53converted racing Porsche 911,
38:54and we had our track,
38:56which was very wet.
38:57once you've got used
39:13to the hand control,
39:17I mean,
39:17are you as quick?
39:19Probably a misconception.
39:19I think so.
39:20Do you think?
39:21because I can actually
39:22break harder
39:22and quicker
39:23because basically
39:24you're on there already,
39:25you've got some pressure
39:26and control already,
39:27and because you're
39:27in that frame of mind
39:28with one limb,
39:29it's like you're right on there
39:29without having to think
39:30about moving your foot
39:31around or anything like that.
39:32Oh, well, hell!
39:51If you did that on purpose,
39:52at least that's what
39:53he's going to set.
40:02If you go around
40:06the right-hand corner
40:07because I've got
40:07no lower back muscles,
40:08it's like,
40:08uh-oh, bloody hell,
40:09forgot about that.
40:11Of course,
40:11the other thing is
40:11that he hasn't got to worry
40:12about breaking his back,
40:13has he?
40:13Yeah.
40:22He's been giving it some,
40:23haven't he?
40:24Yes.
40:25He could almost
40:26take a boat out there,
40:27then.
40:32and they are as follows.
40:53In sixth place,
40:54Peter, it was you, mate,
40:56with two minutes 20
40:57and he crashed on the way home,
40:58so that was a great day for you.
41:00Well, seriously,
41:00he did bend it on the way out.
41:02Well done.
41:03Tim, you were in fourth,
41:05one minute 58.8,
41:06respectable time,
41:07despite your monster
41:08nearly crash.
41:10Rob,
41:11that was a proper crash.
41:13One minute 55.6
41:14puts you in third.
41:16Colin,
41:17second place,
41:17one minute 54.8,
41:19good solid time,
41:19but then there's a huge leap,
41:21one minute 47.
41:23Lee,
41:23you came first mate.
41:24Well done.
41:24Ladies and gentlemen,
41:25that was good.
41:26Thank you.
41:26look at that.
41:34It's a close moment.
41:35Oh,
41:35fuck.
41:36Believe it.
41:37Well,
41:37thing is,
41:38we got chatting
41:39while we were doing this,
41:40as you do in the rain,
41:41and something came up,
41:42and it's this.
41:44Who amongst you
41:45has been stopped
41:47by the police in your car?
41:48Be honest.
41:49Come on,
41:49hands up.
41:51Hands up.
41:51Right,
41:52basically,
41:52it's everybody apart from Colin.
41:54All of them.
41:54Now,
41:55when you were stopped,
41:57who of you has at some point
41:58been let off?
42:01Come on,
42:01be honest.
42:02Yeah,
42:02yeah,
42:02yeah.
42:02Now,
42:03this got me thinking,
42:04because I know it happened to you,
42:05Rob.
42:06Tell me,
42:06what happened?
42:07What went on?
42:09Um,
42:09I was just going home
42:10after a nice evening jolly.
42:12Bit quickly.
42:12Not been drinking,
42:13yes.
42:13I've got a reasonably fast car.
42:14I was going reasonably fast.
42:16Well,
42:16you've got a twin turbo super.
42:17It's a very fast car.
42:18Yeah,
42:18I wasn't using all turbos at the time.
42:20Right,
42:20okay.
42:21And it was,
42:21it was a bit late.
42:22The roads were clear.
42:23It was quite,
42:24quite,
42:24you know,
42:24early hours of the morning.
42:26Light was changing
42:27from amber to red
42:29and I thought,
42:29well,
42:30I'll easy beat that
42:30and it does.
42:31See,
42:31I got pulled
42:32and they pulled up
42:33so I thought,
42:33right,
42:33how am I going to handle this?
42:35So I ran the window down
42:36just as he got there
42:36and I flicked the light on
42:37just as he looked in
42:38and he was just about
42:39to start his patter
42:40and spotted the wheelchair
42:42and said,
42:43ah,
42:44right,
42:45it's a nice car.
42:45So he saw the chair
42:46and basically stumbled back
42:47all embarrassed.
42:48He didn't know
42:48what to do about it.
42:50And you got let off?
42:50Yeah,
42:51and he said,
42:51on your way son,
42:52have a nice evening.
42:53Seriously.
42:54So,
42:54Mr. Policeman,
42:55if you are watching,
42:56next time you see
42:57any of these guys speeding
42:58and you pull them,
42:59look,
43:00nick them.
43:03This sadly is the last show
43:04in the current series
43:05and as soon as it's over
43:06we'll be going on holiday
43:07for a few months
43:07but whilst we're on the beach
43:08we still need your help
43:09for the 2003
43:11Top Gear Motoring Survey.
43:13Last year we had
43:1437,000 respondents
43:15making it the biggest
43:16independent survey
43:17of UK motorists.
43:18We want more of you this year
43:19if your car was registered
43:20between 1999 and 2002.
43:23We want to know about it.
43:24We want to know
43:24what fell off.
43:25We want to know
43:25what your deal is like,
43:26if he can make you
43:27a decent cup of coffee,
43:28all that stuff.
43:29It's done online.
43:30It's easy.
43:30www.bbc.co.uk
43:34forward slash
43:34Top Gear.
43:35Please get tapping.
43:37We'll bring you the results
43:37of what you say
43:38in the autumn.
43:40Now,
43:40there was going to be
43:41a theme
43:42to tonight's programme.
43:43We were going to do
43:43tuned cars.
43:45I was going to tell you
43:46about a Brabus Mercedes
43:47that could do
43:48200 miles an hour
43:49and a Mini
43:49with 200 brake horsepower.
43:51And I got a whole load
43:52of these cars together
43:53and took them to a stud farm
43:54in Newmarket.
43:55I've no idea why.
43:56I don't know
43:56what I was thinking of.
43:58And this is what happened.
44:00Here I am, look,
44:01blathering on
44:02about something or other.
44:04And clearly,
44:04only the horse
44:05is excited
44:07by what I had to say.
44:08LAUGHTER
44:09LAUGHTER
44:09LAUGHTER
44:10So, um,
44:14really we scrubbed it,
44:16scrubbed the whole thing.
44:18Only one bit
44:19of that idea
44:20still remains.
44:21The Range Rover.
44:22It used to be very easy
44:24to make one of these
44:25things better.
44:26You just did all the nuts
44:27and bolts up properly.
44:28But since the new one
44:30came out,
44:30the one that we made
44:31Car of the Year last year,
44:32it's very difficult
44:33to improve it.
44:34That hasn't stopped
44:35people trying, though.
44:37This is the Range Rover 580S,
44:46which has been breathed on
44:47by a company called
44:49Overfinch.
44:50It's priced at 拢45,000,
44:53plus 拢60,000
44:56for the original car.
44:59LAUGHTER
45:00What Overfinch used to do
45:05with the old Range Rover,
45:07was replaced
45:07the standard engine
45:09with a 5.7-litre V8
45:12from a Corvette.
45:13It was fun.
45:14If your name was
45:16BP S.O. McShell.
45:20With the new one, though,
45:21they've stuck
45:22with the standard BMW engine,
45:24boring it out
45:25to 5 litres
45:26and fitting
45:27a hugely expensive
45:29crank shaft.
45:31Think of this, then,
45:33as a Range Rover M5.
45:35You get 380 brake horsepower.
45:44That's 100 more
45:45than standard.
45:46380 brake horsepower
45:47is what you used to get
45:48out of a Ferrari 355.
45:50And they fiddled
45:52with the gearbox.
45:53So now,
45:53when you floor it,
45:55it changes down
45:56immediately,
45:57immediately,
45:58and you're off.
46:04To demonstrate
46:05what all this power means,
46:07I've organised
46:08a little drag race.
46:09A Mercedes SLK
46:15versus a 2.5-ton truck.
46:23And we're not cheating.
46:25This Mercedes
46:26has the big engine,
46:27the 3.2-litre V6.
46:30So think of it, then,
46:31as a race
46:31between an athlete
46:33and someone
46:34who's fat.
46:35Oh, and to make
46:39the fat man's job
46:40a little harder,
46:41he'll be racing
46:42off-road.
46:46Sport mode.
46:502,000 RPM, man.
46:56I'm ahead.
46:58It's getting awfully bumpy.
46:59I am in the lead.
47:06I've got double vision.
47:07I'm being chased
47:08by two Mercedes.
47:13Yes.
47:15And I win.
47:19God, this thing's quick.
47:24On the road,
47:25the overfinch
47:26does 0-60
47:27in 7.1 seconds
47:29and has a top speed
47:30of 140.
47:32The only problem
47:33is that the steering
47:34and the suspension
47:35haven't been changed
47:37at all.
47:44It's a bit like
47:45sliding down a black run
47:47in a wardrobe.
47:49It's a giggle.
47:51But you've got
47:52no real say
47:53in the direction
47:53of travel.
47:56Yee-hee!
47:59So, it's not a nimble
48:09sports car, then.
48:10More of a
48:11Mach 4 bulldozer.
48:14But the best thing
48:15about this car
48:16is not the engine
48:17or the gearbox
48:18or the TV screens
48:19in the back
48:20of the headrest
48:21or the hand-stitched
48:22leather
48:22or the fancy wheels.
48:24The best bit
48:25is to be found
48:25in the boot.
48:26You see, Land Rover
48:27say that
48:28if you want
48:29seven seats
48:30you have to buy
48:31a Discovery.
48:32It's a business practice
48:33I think they got
48:33from Das Kapital.
48:35But overfinch
48:36are different.
48:37Look.
48:38Two little seats
48:39with seatbelts
48:40that
48:41fold away.
48:43And some hay
48:44for the horses, look.
48:46Isn't that trippy?
48:47The normal Range Rover
48:52is a very good car
48:53but this
48:54is a rock-crushing
48:55people-carrying
48:56Porsche-bashing
48:57fuel-guzzling
48:58point-and-squirt
48:59muscle-bound
49:00mountain goat.
49:08Do you know
49:09what I was reminded
49:09of watching that?
49:11Do you remember
49:11that Dutch car
49:12that we had
49:13on last week?
49:13Oh, last year.
49:14leany, 45-degree
49:15lean thing.
49:16It's like that.
49:16You were right.
49:17You'd have to be
49:18completely insane
49:19to try and set
49:20a time round
49:21the track in this.
49:22Oh, mad.
49:23So, that'll be
49:24a job for the Stig then.
49:25Yeah.
49:26Right, thundering
49:27off the line
49:28like a big V8
49:29hippopotamus.
49:30So wet out there.
49:31Now, of course,
49:32the overfinch
49:32has four-wheel drive
49:33also weighs as much
49:34as a church.
49:40Stig there
49:41in a suave mood
49:42and look at
49:43the body roll
49:44through Chicago.
49:45That is scary.
49:46Now, he's lumbering
49:47up to the Hammerhead
49:48looking a bit slow.
49:50It must be said.
49:59Heaving through
50:00the follow-through.
50:01This thing is immense
50:02in a straight line.
50:03Not so fond of Ben's,
50:04however.
50:05Up to the last bend.
50:06Lots more.
50:07He's gone off-road.
50:08Does he curl?
50:09He's gone off-road
50:10into Gambon now
50:11and across the line
50:13in one minute
50:1644 seconds.
50:19Despite the cheat,
50:20the slowest ever.
50:22It sounded good, though.
50:23It did sound good.
50:24I have to tell you, though,
50:24the Stig afterwards
50:25said that's the first time
50:26he's ever been scared
50:27behind the wheel of a car.
50:29Really?
50:29Yeah, which is marvellous.
50:31Now, we got to the bit
50:32of the programme, really,
50:33which we call
50:34the Broken Biscuit section.
50:35It's all the stuff
50:37that we said
50:37we were going to do
50:38as the series has progressed
50:39that we haven't done.
50:40We're going to cram it
50:40into the last few minutes.
50:41And actually,
50:43since we're standing here,
50:44let's stick with the Range Rover.
50:47You see,
50:47when it was launched last year,
50:49Land Rover said,
50:50don't worry,
50:51we're building this one properly.
50:53So we said,
50:53OK, if you're so confident,
50:55lend us one for six months,
50:57we'll run it,
50:58and we'll see
50:59if anything goes wrong.
51:00Actually, yeah.
51:00You then went on to say,
51:02and if anything does go wrong,
51:03you would shoot
51:04the managing director's dog,
51:06if we remember.
51:07I did say that.
51:08Yeah.
51:08And we've had stacks of letters
51:10from people who say
51:11that theirs has gone wrong.
51:12I was talking to a chap
51:12in the audience
51:13just a few minutes ago,
51:14and he said,
51:15I've just bought it.
51:16And I said,
51:16is it here?
51:16He said, no,
51:17I've come down
51:17into discovery.
51:18It's broken.
51:19However,
51:20the deal was,
51:21if this one goes wrong,
51:23this is the one
51:24they lend us.
51:24Now, I've given it
51:25a hard time.
51:26We've used it
51:26as a Top Gear chase car.
51:27It's been off-road.
51:29It is disgusting.
51:30Worst test of all,
51:31kids' school-run car.
51:32They treat it,
51:33well, like animals, really.
51:35And here we are,
51:36six months long.
51:37It's done the lot.
51:37And what's the news
51:39for the dog?
51:39Well, last week
51:40it was good.
51:41But unfortunately,
51:43just the other day,
51:44this is the electric
51:45steering wheel adjuster.
51:46Works perfectly okay
51:47going in and out.
51:48Yeah.
51:48Won't go up and down.
51:49Oh, dear.
51:51Mind you,
51:51it's not the sort of thing
51:52you can kill a man's dog over,
51:53is it?
51:54No,
51:54and I don't think
51:55we could even wound
51:56the dog for that.
51:57However,
51:57I was up at Land Rover
51:59the other day,
52:00and it turns out
52:01the managing director
52:01is a keen bonsai enthusiast.
52:03Oh, yeah.
52:04And I stole this
52:04from his desk.
52:05It's something he's been
52:06nurturing since he was a child.
52:08so, um,
52:12ding!
52:16He didn't want us
52:17to show you this,
52:18but he got himself
52:19a racing license
52:20the other day,
52:20and he said,
52:21I'm going to take part
52:22in a 24-hour motor race
52:24for two CVs
52:26in Norfolk.
52:27Right, here's the race.
52:30There's the team he assembled.
52:32Uh, there's Hammond,
52:33obviously.
52:34That's the fastest vicar
52:35from the last series,
52:36the fastest raster,
52:37and a professional race driver.
52:39Beautifully prepared car,
52:41loaned by a family.
52:42Yeah, loaned by beautifully,
52:44crafted so that he could
52:45take part in it.
52:47Now, the thing is,
52:48okay,
52:49as I said,
52:50Hammond isn't a racing driver.
52:52Here he comes, look.
52:53He's got the suit,
52:55he's got the helmet.
52:56He's got a romper suit.
52:57It turns out, okay,
52:59it turns out
53:00the only aspect
53:01of racing driving
53:02he's any good at
53:03is thinking up excuses.
53:06Just watch this.
53:09He broke the car,
53:10it wasn't me.
53:10They forgot to tell me.
53:12Nice, Wally Levy.
53:13Thank you.
53:14Every time I braked,
53:15the gearbox was coming away
53:17and moving forward
53:17and taking the gear lever
53:18with it.
53:19It didn't half wobble,
53:20which it didn't do yesterday.
53:22Excuse.
53:22The engine.
53:23I'd have been, you know,
53:24ooh, Levi's time.
53:25Blitzed.
53:26Probably a 1 minute 45
53:27was on the cards.
53:29But it might be more real.
53:30But now you've got
53:31the perfect excuse.
53:322, 20, 2, 30.
53:33He blamed just about
53:35everything there,
53:36didn't he?
53:36I don't think I'm...
53:37Here he is.
53:38Yeah, well, it was tricky.
53:39You know, things go wrong,
53:40it's exciting.
53:41Did the tyres go off?
53:42Yeah, they were going to.
53:43You forgot about the tyres going off.
53:44Yeah, that was my next excuse.
53:45Did you have a problem
53:46with reliability throughout this?
53:47Never mind that.
53:47Where did you come?
53:4913th.
53:49Out of?
53:5013th.
53:50About 14th,
53:51so it wasn't brilliant.
53:52You were second to us.
53:53But the weather was against us as well.
53:54Enough of the excuses,
53:56you're useless,
53:57you're not being allowed
53:57to do any more motor racing.
53:58It wasn't good.
53:59Now, we never thought
54:00we'd have to do this,
54:01but we do.
54:02We thought that JK
54:04would sit on top
54:05of our fastest ever
54:06celebrity board
54:07forever and a day.
54:09But then a couple of weeks ago,
54:10this happened.
54:12JD Kidd came here.
54:14And I'm sure you remember
54:16what the result was.
54:17she beat JK by 0.3 of a second,
54:25making her the fastest person,
54:28the fastest star
54:29in a reasonably priced car.
54:32Now, sadly,
54:32Jodie can't be with us tonight
54:33because she can't be bothered.
54:35So we're going over
54:36to a pub near here
54:37where she is.
54:39Thank you.
54:39This is going to go
54:40very, very high up
54:41on my,
54:42on my,
54:43above my fire.
54:44is going to be there
54:46looking at me
54:46and very proud of it.
54:49And this lovely plasticness
54:52is beautiful.
54:54I'd just like to thank
54:55my agent,
54:57my family.
54:58Oh, for God's sake,
54:59shut up.
55:01That is it, really,
55:03isn't it,
55:03for the end of the show
55:04and indeed the end
55:05of the series.
55:06If you have any thoughts
55:07or opinions
55:08on what you've seen
55:08in the last 10 weeks,
55:09do please keep them
55:11to yourselves.
55:12See you in the autumn.
55:13Good night.
55:14Good night.
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