- 5 months ago
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MotorTranscript
00:00Υπότιτλοι AUTHORWAVE
00:30No, because that's exactly what they were expecting us to do.
00:35So what we've done instead is tested its sister car.
00:39This, the Volkswagen Touareg.
00:45Most big off-road cars these days aren't designed to do this.
00:50The Porsche Cayenne is a road-going 911 on stilts,
00:59a sort of Swiss-family rocket ship.
01:02Then there's the ultimate urban animal, BMW's Fireball XL5.
01:07The Touareg's different, though.
01:13It has locking differentials and skid plates
01:15and a low-range gearbox so it can keep on rolling
01:18when the going gets military.
01:20Then there are the tyres.
01:34They may look like they belong on a motorway,
01:37but the sidewalls have been specially stiffened
01:40so they can take whatever punishment nature cares to throw out of them.
01:43The best thing about the Touareg is its engine.
02:03Now, you can have a 3.2-litre V6 or a 4.2-litre V8,
02:08and I'm sure they're jolly lovely.
02:11But I've gone for the diesel.
02:15Don't worry, this is not the onset of madness.
02:18I haven't come over all Bill-Oddy-ish
02:21because this is no ordinary diesel engine.
02:26It's huge.
02:29A turbocharged 5-litre V10.
02:34That's fantastic.
02:38The figures it produces are no less vast.
02:47It churns out 553 pounds-feet of torque.
02:53If the world ever stops spinning
02:55and they need a car to get it started again,
02:58this is it.
02:59So, if you run a business specialising in the removal of enormous trees
03:08from inaccessible forests,
03:10plainly the V10 Touareg is ideal.
03:14But what if you're an accountant?
03:16Or a heating engineer?
03:17Or a surgeon?
03:18Or you just want something to take the kids to school in the morning?
03:23Well, let's find out.
03:25It is quite fast, 140 miles an hour.
03:32But there are some drawbacks.
03:35First of all, the engine is a third of a ton heavier than the V6.
03:42That means no more than 19 miles to the gallon.
03:45And because you've got a foundry under the bonnet,
03:48the handling's not much cop either.
03:54It's like you're driving around on four flat tyres.
03:57You have to make constant adjustments to the wheel
03:59just to go in a straight line.
04:01Then, there's the ride.
04:07Now, you can put the suspension into sport mode.
04:10But then it's like sitting on one of those machines
04:13that separates small rocks from bigger rocks.
04:19So, you go, OK, fine, I'll put it into comfort mode.
04:23But then the whole thing rolls so much
04:25that your children will vomit explosively and copiously
04:29all down the back of your shirt.
04:30I took a Touareg to Euro Disney with the children the other day.
04:35And I was faced with the choice.
04:36Teeth shaken out, all diced carrots in the shirt.
04:39And I went for the vomit.
04:41That's how bad the sport suspension is.
04:43There were a few other problems, too.
04:53The luggage cover rattled.
04:55The oil warning light kept coming on.
04:57The stereo sounded like a 19th century gramophone.
05:00and this was the view from the rear-view mirror.
05:05I could go on.
05:08So, I shall.
05:09The gearbox works in geological time.
05:12The styling's iffy.
05:13The seat gave me backache.
05:14And look at this phone holder.
05:15That is an afterthought, isn't it?
05:18They had a meeting and went,
05:19Have we thought of everything?
05:20And someone said,
05:21We forgot the phone.
05:22And so they put it there.
05:23And my phone fits,
05:25but it doesn't work.
05:26And then there's the price.
05:2850,000 pounds.
05:3050!
05:3250,000 pounds for this.
05:34I'd rather eat the money.
05:41Volkswagen were so concerned
05:43about my views on the Tuirag,
05:44they asked me to test another one,
05:46which had smaller wheels.
05:48I'm afraid to report that it was just as bad.
05:55Now, since I filmed that,
05:57I have driven a petrol-powered Tuirag,
05:59and it was a little bit better.
06:01But generally speaking,
06:02if you want a car like this,
06:03you're probably going to be better off
06:05getting a Porsche Cayenne.
06:06Or if you don't like the look of that,
06:07and who can blame you,
06:08a BMW X5.
06:10If you want nothing but a workhorse,
06:12get a Toyota Land Cruiser.
06:14If you just want something
06:15to take the kids to school,
06:17Volvo XC90.
06:18And if you want something
06:19that can kind of do everything,
06:21what's the matter with a Range Rover?
06:24Now, you do hear it said
06:25that there's no such thing
06:27as a bad car nowadays.
06:28Well, clearly with the VW Toirag,
06:30that's not the case.
06:32they do still make bad cars.
06:34And this is interesting
06:35because when I was a lad,
06:36we used to get our bad cars
06:37from Vortburg,
06:39Polsky Fiat,
06:40British Leyland,
06:41and other left-wing dictatorships,
06:43and they're all gone now.
06:44But you do still get them.
06:46I would like to prepare...
06:47Does anybody here own an Audi A2?
06:49That's a bad car.
06:50That is a bad car.
06:51They're not going to admit to it now.
06:52It is a bad car.
06:53Yeah.
06:53It's made of beer tins,
06:55which is great,
06:56but the windows are too small.
06:57You can't open the bonnet.
06:58And if you put the windscreen wiper
06:59on, the whole thing rocks
07:01with it like that.
07:01It's so light.
07:02Yeah, and the windscreen wiper
07:03does make it rock,
07:04but the worst thing about it
07:05is the price.
07:06Yeah.
07:0617,000 pounds.
07:08You could buy a car for that.
07:09What about the Hyundai Sonata?
07:13Now, that's the same car as...
07:16Kia Magenta.
07:17It's exactly the same.
07:18Kia Magenta is for whatever it costs.
07:19For 1,000 pounds more,
07:21you can have a Hyundai Sonata.
07:22And I said to the guy from Hyundai,
07:23why is it 1,000 more?
07:24And he went,
07:25oh, you're paying for the name.
07:26Hyundai!
07:28Has anyone here got any ideas
07:30what a bad car,
07:31of a bad car?
07:33Daewoo.
07:34Hold on a minute.
07:34Hold on a minute.
07:35A Daewoo.
07:36Which one?
07:36A Lamos.
07:38They are shocking, actually.
07:39The problem is,
07:40is that we can't remember
07:41why they're shocking.
07:43That's the trouble.
07:44Just, because it doesn't have
07:45any effect on you.
07:45It just passes you by.
07:47Anybody else?
07:48Hold on a minute.
07:51Vauxhall VX220.
07:52Out.
07:53Come on.
07:54Out.
07:55Go on.
07:55Out.
07:56Right the way out.
07:58Right the way over here.
08:00The Vauxhall VX220
08:01is a fine car
08:02in every way.
08:03Out.
08:09Sorry about that,
08:12but I've just driven
08:12the new Vauxhall VX220.
08:14We've got it on the program
08:14in a couple of weeks.
08:15It's brilliant.
08:16Absolutely wonderful.
08:18No one said the Vauxhall Vectra.
08:20No.
08:21Uh-oh.
08:21Good car.
08:21He's come here
08:25in a turtleneck jumper
08:27and with face hair.
08:29Why is it a good car?
08:30Uh, because it'll do
08:31everything that you want it
08:32to do on the motorway
08:33if you're a rep.
08:34I'm not a rep.
08:35Are you a rep?
08:36I'm not a rep either.
08:37Well, why the hell
08:38are you interested
08:39in the Vauxhall VX220?
08:40What do you drive?
08:41Uh, TVR.
08:43TVR?
08:43Oh.
08:44Has it ever broken down?
08:45Twice.
08:46What?
08:47Uh,
08:48something they wouldn't
08:49tell me about
08:49and something else.
08:51I have no idea.
08:52That's a joke.
08:53He's interested
08:53in his engine, isn't he?
08:56Tell me what I want to do.
08:58Write down
08:59what you think
09:00is the absolute worst car
09:02on sale today.
09:04Okay?
09:05Do you have music
09:06while we do this?
09:07It won't take that long.
09:08I don't know.
09:09Okay, so look.
09:13God, that's amazing.
09:14What are the chances of that?
09:16We've all written
09:17the same car.
09:19The rules of sports car building
09:26are surprisingly simple.
09:28It has to look good
09:28on the outside,
09:29look good on the inside.
09:31It has to ride well
09:32and handle well.
09:33So,
09:34how does the Lexus
09:35SC430 do?
09:37It's none of those things,
09:39which is quite an achievement
09:40because most cars
09:41manage to get
09:42at least
09:42two of those four right.
09:44I mean,
09:47just look
09:48at this wood.
09:50That
09:50is the car equivalent
09:52of a giant cabinet
09:53for your telling.
09:54And it's not like
09:55Lexus only had
09:56a miserable changing room
09:57budget of about
09:58500 quid to play with.
09:59They had bucket loads
10:01of cash to spend
10:02and they still
10:03came up with
10:04a Mexican hacienda.
10:07When it was first launched,
10:08the SC430
10:09came with run-flat tyres,
10:11which, of course,
10:12are virtually solid.
10:14Fred Flintstone
10:14had a similar tyre setup
10:16on his car.
10:17And believe me,
10:18it made for a hard ride.
10:20Well,
10:21quite recently,
10:22Lexus waved
10:22the white flag
10:23and they replaced
10:24the run-flat tyres
10:25with ordinary ones
10:26and softened
10:27the suspension.
10:28But not enough.
10:29I'll buy a long way.
10:30The problem is
10:31it's not really
10:32hard and communicative
10:34enough to be
10:34a sporty chassis
10:35and it's certainly
10:36not comfortable enough
10:37to be a relaxed cruiser.
10:39It's a dreadful compromise.
10:42It's horrible.
10:43I don't like
10:44driving this thing at all.
10:46At least the engine people
10:47did their job properly.
10:49282
10:50admirably smooth
10:51horsepower.
10:52It is a good engine.
10:53And so is the stereo,
10:55actually,
10:55once you've finally
10:56waited for the electric
10:57gates to open.
11:04And the roof
11:05could have been good, too.
11:08Look at that.
11:09One minute,
11:09it's got a roof.
11:11The next minute,
11:11it hasn't.
11:12Brilliant.
11:13It hasn't got a boot,
11:14either, now.
11:14It's all full of roof.
11:21Utterly, utterly useless.
11:26Mind you,
11:27they are leather.
11:28It's got a label,
11:30which will, I suspect,
11:31be left on.
11:34The thing is,
11:34Lexus can and do
11:36make good cars.
11:38It's just that
11:39when they came to make
11:40a sports coupe,
11:41it all went horribly wrong.
11:43They didn't follow
11:44the simple rules,
11:45which is a shame,
11:46because if you do,
11:48anybody can make
11:49a good sports car.
11:55Even Hyundai,
11:56whose pedigree
11:57isn't exactly Lotus.
11:59After all,
12:00when they went into
12:01making cars,
12:01their background
12:02was in trains
12:03and really heavy
12:05industrial stuff.
12:08A bit like JCB
12:10saying,
12:10well,
12:10we do good diggers.
12:12Let's have a go
12:12at a car.
12:14And sure enough,
12:15not everything's
12:16out of the top drawer.
12:18Just look at the interior.
12:19I'm sure it probably
12:20will last the course,
12:21but it does have
12:22a whiff of the Amstrad
12:24about it.
12:26But unlike the Lexus,
12:28that is where
12:29the moaning stops.
12:31I mean,
12:31just look at the thing.
12:33There have been
12:33a few moans
12:34that it's cribbing
12:35the look of the
12:36Ferrari 456.
12:38I'm sorry,
12:39you can buy a coupe
12:40for 18 and a half grand
12:41that looks a bit
12:43like a Ferrari.
12:45And that's a bad thing,
12:46is it?
12:47Right.
12:48And then there's
12:49the chassis
12:49where the Lexus
12:50feels flabby,
12:52numb and charmless.
12:53This feels tight
12:54and sharp.
12:55I can feel
12:56what's going on.
12:56It's egging me on
12:58to go a little bit
12:59quicker.
13:00This is a good drive
13:02and I don't mean
13:02a good drive
13:03for 18 and a half grand.
13:05It's just
13:05a good drive.
13:07Fact.
13:10It's not massively powerful.
13:12this is the top spec
13:132.7 litre V6
13:14with 165 brake horsepower
13:16which isn't much.
13:19What it does have as well
13:21is a lovely
13:22six-speed gearbox
13:23which makes the most
13:24of that 165 brake.
13:26It kind of makes up for it.
13:27It even sounds nice.
13:29I really like this car.
13:30In fact,
13:33for 18 and a half grand
13:34this is a proper
13:35little charmer
13:36and suddenly
13:37the Lexus
13:38just looks like
13:40a big fat
13:4150 grand folly.
13:47Right.
13:48The news.
13:49And we start
13:50with a warning
13:50to parents.
13:52You probably think
13:53that your teenage children
13:54are buying these
13:55top shelf magazines
13:57to look at
13:58this kind of thing.
13:59And you probably think
14:00that's normal.
14:01OK?
14:02Well, they're not.
14:03What they're actually
14:04looking at
14:04is that.
14:07They are cutting out
14:08pictures of this
14:09sort of car
14:09and taking them
14:10to the laboratory.
14:15This is a Citroen
14:16Saxo VTR.
14:17It was, I think,
14:18the most popular car,
14:19wasn't it,
14:19among this sort of
14:20kids in baggy trousers
14:21because,
14:22A, you could buy
14:23lots of bits for it,
14:24tuning bits
14:24and spoilers and so on
14:25and also because
14:26Citroen were doing
14:26it with free insurance
14:27for a long time
14:28which matters
14:29when you're young.
14:30Well, bad news.
14:31The Citroen Saxo
14:32has gone out of production
14:33and it has been replaced
14:35with this.
14:37This is the new
14:38Citroen C2
14:39and talk about
14:40knowing your market.
14:41Citroen has already
14:42fitted big flared
14:43wheel arches to it
14:44so that you can get
14:4516-inch rims
14:46under them.
14:47So it'd be perfect.
14:48I really like the look
14:49of it.
14:50You like it?
14:51You like it?
14:52Yes, Jeremy.
14:54You don't, do you?
14:55What's the matter
14:55with it?
14:55I don't like that
14:57ready-modified look.
14:58I think it should be
14:58one or the other
14:59but that's just...
15:00You really do live
15:00in Gloucestershire,
15:01don't you?
15:02I do, I do.
15:03If it doesn't have
15:04a Massey Ferguson thing
15:05written on the front,
15:05you don't like it.
15:06You don't look sturdy
15:07enough for me.
15:07It's got no kind
15:08of treatment
15:08and I bet it hasn't
15:09got a power take-off.
15:12Can I do one now?
15:13Yeah, I've got two.
15:14Right, Porsche have
15:16a race championship
15:17going on this year
15:18in this country
15:19called the Porsche
15:19Carrera Cup
15:20Great Britain.
15:21The reason this
15:21is of interest to us
15:22is that they are
15:23producing a road-going
15:24version of the car
15:25that competes in that.
15:26It's the 911 GT3.
15:28They've done GT3s
15:30before.
15:30This is the new one.
15:31I can have a look
15:31at it, I think.
15:32It's a stunning-looking
15:33thing and it's not
15:33just the looks.
15:34It's 381 brake horsepower,
15:360-60 in 4.5 seconds.
15:38It will cost you
15:3972 grand but it's
15:41real racetrack-type
15:42technology.
15:42I get confused
15:43with 911s.
15:44I never know
15:44where they all go.
15:45Is that a turbo?
15:46No, that's not.
15:47That is normally
15:48aspirated.
15:49So, wait a minute.
15:49The GT2's a turbo.
15:51Yes.
15:51And the turbo's
15:52a turbo, obviously.
15:53Yes.
15:54Why is a GT2
15:55not a turbo
15:56if it is a turbo?
15:57If it is a turbo.
15:58Yes, why is it
15:59called a GT2
15:59and not a turbo?
16:00Because the turbo's
16:01called a turbo.
16:02You couldn't ever...
16:03You see?
16:04Does anybody here
16:05understand the 911 range?
16:08No?
16:08They're bored, aren't they?
16:09Yes.
16:09They've been making
16:10the same car
16:10for 120, 13 years.
16:12and all they think
16:13to do is, well,
16:13call that one a GT3
16:14and that one a GT2
16:15and I'll have a turbo
16:16a GT2, I'll have a GT1,
16:17a 959, put the engine
16:18in the back.
16:19God, it must be fun
16:20going into a Porsche
16:20dealership.
16:21I'm a 911.
16:21It'd be like ordering
16:22breakfast in America.
16:23I just want eggs.
16:25Stop messing around
16:27and give me a Porsche.
16:29Get this,
16:30if you're feeling
16:30even more wealthy,
16:31for £330,000,
16:33another Porsche
16:34from racing.
16:35Look at that,
16:36the Carrera GT.
16:37We've been waiting
16:37for this since 2000.
16:39We first saw it
16:40at Paris Motor Show.
16:41That is...
16:42It's glorious.
16:43Absolutely stunning.
16:45Glorious.
16:45Look at this,
16:45look at this,
16:46look at this,
16:46look at this.
16:47V10, 5.7 litres,
16:50612 brake horsepower.
16:52How much is it?
16:53It's £330,000, Jeremy.
16:56What?
16:57What?
16:58No, you're supposed
16:59to go...
17:00Right, here's something
17:02that doesn't happen
17:02very often,
17:03about once in a lifetime,
17:04a new Bristol.
17:06OK, this is the
17:06Bristol Fighter.
17:07Actually, it's the
17:07Bristol Fighter Mark II
17:09because the first one
17:09was launched in 1916
17:10and it was a biplane.
17:12But this looks
17:12quite a bit more promising.
17:13It's a two-door
17:15supercar,
17:15a two-door gull-wing
17:16supercar.
17:17It's going to cost
17:17£230,000,
17:19210 miles per hour.
17:21V10 engine,
17:22525 something
17:23brake horsepower.
17:24That's the same engine
17:25they put in a Dodge Viper,
17:26isn't it?
17:26Essentially,
17:27well, actually, no.
17:28Well, it's essentially
17:28the same,
17:29but it actually develops
17:29more power in Bristol.
17:31How come?
17:31I don't know.
17:32Mahogany crankshaft
17:33or something traditional
17:34like that.
17:36Anyway,
17:36I loved Bristol's
17:38when I was a kid
17:38for some perverse reason
17:39and for...
17:41Oh, no,
17:43they've got confused,
17:44James.
17:44You loved Bristol's
17:46when you were a child.
17:47when I was a kid,
17:49I loved Bristol's
17:49and then I got into cars
17:51and I quite fancied
17:51the idea of a Bristol.
17:54And it's quite good
17:55because now I actually live
17:56about a mile and a half
17:57from the Bristol showroom,
17:58which is in South Kensington.
17:59It is the only Bristol showroom
18:01in the world
18:01and I thought,
18:01I'm going to go up there
18:02and finally,
18:03I'm going to drive a Bristol.
18:04They wouldn't even let me
18:05in the showroom
18:06and do you know why?
18:07Why?
18:07Because I know you,
18:08you kid.
18:10The problem is,
18:11is I once did drive a Bristol
18:13and all I said
18:14in the road test
18:14was that it was
18:15that the handle
18:17that you pulled
18:17the glove box down with
18:18looked like it was made
18:19from the flex
18:20from a 1940s telephone.
18:22You know,
18:22that Heriot thing
18:23like that.
18:24That's not the worst.
18:24That was it.
18:25You're banned.
18:25You're never driving
18:26another Bristol.
18:27I mean,
18:27it's not the end of the world.
18:28They wake up every morning
18:28and go to work in the SL then.
18:29But...
18:30You used to ring up Bristol
18:31and they'd pick up the phone
18:32and say,
18:32Bristol cars,
18:33may I help you?
18:33And they now pick it up
18:34and say,
18:35Bristol cars,
18:35do you know Jeremy Clarkson?
18:37And if you say yes,
18:38then you just get a click.
18:39A sort of hate-like click.
18:41Now,
18:41I was driving to work
18:42the other day
18:43and I saw this car
18:44parked at the side
18:46of the road.
18:46Now,
18:49that was a Jaguar
18:50and somebody thought,
18:51I know what I can do.
18:53I can put a chest freezer
18:54on the front
18:55and a nice 1970s paint scheme
18:57and it'll be great.
18:58Look at that spoiler
18:59on the back
18:59which I only just noticed.
19:00That's fantastic.
19:01And it made me think,
19:03what is the worst car
19:05in Britain today?
19:07So we decided
19:08to have a competition
19:08to try and find it.
19:10Now,
19:10we all know
19:11from changing rooms,
19:12okay,
19:12MDF is a fantastic material.
19:14If you want to make
19:14a wardrobe,
19:15a cupboard in your kids' bedroom,
19:16shelves or whatever.
19:17If you do this
19:18and you've got some MDF left,
19:20make some more shelves,
19:22put it in the loft,
19:22put it in the corner
19:23of the garage
19:23with all those other
19:24useful bits of wood
19:25but don't
19:26put it on the car.
19:29On the car?
19:32It simply does not work.
19:36So,
19:37if you've ruined your car
19:39or you know someone
19:40who's ruined their car,
19:42why not write to us
19:43at
19:44I know someone
19:45who's a clot
19:46and has ruined their car,
19:47Top Gear,
19:48BBC Television,
19:49London,
19:50England.
19:50No, wait,
19:51that's wrong.
19:52You said the Queen of England
19:52last week.
19:53We've had a whole load
19:54of complaints about it.
19:55So it'll actually be
19:56I know someone
19:56who's ruined his car,
19:58Top Gear,
19:59BBC Television,
20:00London,
20:00Scotland.
20:01Now, Hammond,
20:05excellent news tonight
20:06on Insider Dealing.
20:08It turns out that we,
20:09the British car buying public,
20:11have the British car dealer
20:12over a barrel.
20:13Oh, good.
20:14Now, it's a simple matter
20:15of oversupply.
20:16Last year,
20:17a record year in the UK
20:18for car sales.
20:19This year,
20:20predicted to be a record year,
20:21it's not.
20:21War,
20:22threat of recession,
20:23all the rest of it.
20:24Now,
20:25the motor trade
20:25can't turn itself around
20:27very quickly.
20:27They were geared up
20:28for, you know,
20:29huge demand,
20:30imports,
20:30manufacturing the lot.
20:31So they've got
20:31too many cars.
20:32So they're relying
20:33on an old trick,
20:34pre-registration.
20:35What this means
20:36is that,
20:37essentially,
20:38to keep their figures
20:39looking good,
20:40manufacturers and importers
20:41will sell a car
20:43to themselves.
20:43They register it
20:44to the dealer
20:45and then they put it
20:45on the forecourt
20:46as an ex-demonstrator.
20:48Now, these cars
20:49are actually new.
20:49They've done a few miles.
20:50They might have only done
20:51a few yards
20:52from the back
20:52of a transporter,
20:53but technically,
20:55they're secondhand.
20:56What does this do
20:56to prices?
20:57Well,
20:57I've found a Ford Focus
20:58TDCI,
20:59this is with the new
21:00diesel engine,
21:00a great car,
21:02$14,995 list,
21:03I've found it
21:04for a five under
21:0511 grand.
21:06That's a sizable
21:07amount of.
21:07It's a fantastic deal.
21:08All that this car
21:09has done is have
21:09a number plate
21:10bolted on it.
21:11So no difference,
21:11it is a new car.
21:12It's a new car
21:13with a number plate.
21:14Sports cars.
21:15Now,
21:16you'd expect us
21:17to say on Top Gear,
21:18it's coming up to summer,
21:19don't go and buy
21:20a convertible sports car
21:21because everybody else
21:22wants one,
21:23the prices go up.
21:24Here's a Top Gear
21:24top tip,
21:25it's not true.
21:26the problem
21:28is oversupply.
21:29Let's take the MX-5.
21:30There's been a huge
21:31boatload of them
21:32coming over from Japan
21:33when it reached Dover.
21:34They couldn't say,
21:35oh,
21:35we've got too many of those,
21:35we'll send it back to Japan.
21:37They've got to get rid of them.
21:37they're piled up,
21:38for example,
21:39in a car supermarket
21:40in Manchester.
21:41Now,
21:42the 1.8 IS,
21:44this is the best engine,
21:45the best suspension
21:46and the nicest
21:47alloy wheels.
21:47the Mazda MX-5
21:48is still about the best
21:50two-seater.
21:50It's the one I'd have,
21:51actually,
21:51and I'd have that version.
21:53I've already found it
21:54with £3,525 off,
21:57which makes it
21:58£14,500,
21:59let's say,
21:59which is actually
22:00less than you'd pay
22:01for the basic 1.6.
22:03That is a bargain
22:04for summer.
22:05Now,
22:05have you ever found
22:06a pound down the back
22:07of the sofa?
22:08Yes,
22:08I have.
22:09Right,
22:09now,
22:09I don't want to sound
22:10like an old giver,
22:10but you can't actually
22:11get much for a pound
22:12these days,
22:13can you?
22:13You can't get half a bitter
22:14in my local,
22:15but you can buy a car.
22:17Now,
22:18you can go into
22:18a Kia dealership
22:19with a pound coin
22:20and you can drive away
22:21in a Kia Rio hatchback.
22:23Right,
22:24I presume there's more
22:24to pay after that,
22:25James.
22:26Actually,
22:26there is.
22:26It's a five-year deal.
22:28It's about £120.30 a month
22:31for five years
22:31and at the end
22:32there's a £50 payment
22:33to secure the car
22:34is yours.
22:35Obviously,
22:36that's an APR
22:36of 8 or 8.1%,
22:38but the fact is
22:38you can go out
22:39with just a pound
22:40in your pocket
22:40and come home
22:42with a car.
22:43I actually did
22:44a little experiment.
22:45You can't do that
22:45in the toy shop near me.
22:47No,
22:47that's probably true.
22:47You can't get a toy car
22:48for a quid,
22:49but you can get a Kia.
22:50A real one.
22:51Cool.
22:52Right,
22:52the Eurovision Song Contest
22:54took place last night,
22:56so we thought
22:56we'd have a little
22:57international competition
22:58of our own.
22:59Now,
22:59being us,
23:00it's not too complicated.
23:02The question is this,
23:03which country
23:04makes the fastest supercar?
23:07So,
23:08what do we have
23:08in the supercar line-up?
23:12From Germany,
23:13the Porsche 911 Turbo.
23:16From Japan,
23:17the Honda NSX.
23:20Representing the USA
23:21and the closest thing
23:22they make to a sports car,
23:24the Chevrolet Corvette.
23:26from France,
23:27the only supercar they build,
23:29the Venturi Atlantique.
23:31And from Italy,
23:33what else but the gorgeous
23:34Ferrari 360.
23:36And finally,
23:37the UK representative,
23:39our tatty Top Gear Jag.
23:41This, remember,
23:45is the same jag
23:46we bought last series
23:47for pennies
23:48and stripped down
23:48to see if we could
23:49make it go any faster.
23:51It's old,
23:52rusty,
23:52and basically worthless.
23:54So,
23:55this should be good.
24:04And perhaps,
24:04rather predictably,
24:05the Jag embarrasses itself.
24:11Oh dear.
24:15So,
24:15what was the result of that?
24:16Well,
24:17the Porsche 911 Turbo first,
24:18Ferrari 360 second,
24:20Honda NSX was third.
24:21And the Jaguar was rubbish.
24:23Yes.
24:23It took 18 and a half seconds
24:25to do the standing quarter mile,
24:26which is pretty poor.
24:28Should have put
24:28a German engine in.
24:30No,
24:30because
24:31that's exactly
24:32what they'd expect us to do.
24:34So,
24:34we've got a secret weapon
24:35for the Jag
24:36and we'll have another go
24:36at it later on.
24:38Right.
24:38What are you doing?
24:39I'm putting this on
24:40to honour
24:42our guest tonight
24:43because
24:44in the history
24:45of American cop shows,
24:48this man
24:48has had his bottom
24:49chewed by
24:51an angry
24:51black police captain
24:52more than anyone else.
24:55Ladies and gentlemen,
24:56from Starsky and Hutch,
24:57David Soul.
24:57Thank you.
24:58I think I remember that
25:13from somewhere.
25:14Well,
25:14actually,
25:15to be perfectly honest,
25:16it wasn't you
25:16that wore the cardigan,
25:17was it?
25:17No, it certainly wasn't.
25:18You're trying a bit hard
25:19there with that cardigan.
25:21It's a sweater.
25:22Don't you think?
25:23It's not just a cardigan.
25:24No.
25:25It does up.
25:26So, you,
25:26what,
25:27you're a bomber jacket man
25:28predominantly.
25:29No,
25:29they dressed me in leather.
25:31Ooh,
25:31really?
25:32Yeah.
25:33So,
25:33quite cool
25:33compared to poor old
25:34Paul Michael Glazer.
25:35Well,
25:35actually,
25:36what would have,
25:37the way we set the stand,
25:38they call it trends,
25:39whatever.
25:40Of course,
25:40in the 70s,
25:41we didn't know
25:41we were setting a trend.
25:42All we did was to fight.
25:44He's got a blue shirt,
25:45I want one like it.
25:46You know,
25:46that kind of thing.
25:47But you must have always lost
25:48because he got the cardigan.
25:49Right.
25:50Cardigan and a pair of jeans.
25:51And he got the car.
25:52He got the Torino
25:53with the white stripe.
25:54You got a leather bomber jacket
25:56and what was your car?
25:57It was a Ford Fairlane.
25:59Rubbish.
26:00Actually,
26:01I was on a flat out straight.
26:04My car would out do
26:05the red tomato.
26:06Really?
26:07Yeah.
26:07That's what I called it.
26:08The tomato that's sitting
26:09over there.
26:09Oh, that thing over there.
26:10I know.
26:10Yeah.
26:11Did you have any idea
26:12when you were filming
26:13how much of an impact
26:14that car had
26:16all over the world?
26:17I mean,
26:17I grew up in Yorkshire.
26:18In the town,
26:19everybody had a white stripe
26:20down the side
26:21of their Nissan Datsun
26:22as it was 120Y.
26:24Everybody thought
26:25they were Starsky and Hux.
26:26No, that's very true.
26:27I mean,
26:27it was probably next to,
26:29you know,
26:30it was probably
26:30the star of the show,
26:32actually.
26:32No,
26:33we won't have that.
26:34You were the stars
26:35of the show.
26:35Oh, thank you.
26:36I just wanted to hear you say that.
26:39Were you aware
26:40of the impact
26:40you were having?
26:42I was having
26:43or the car was having?
26:44No, the show was having.
26:45You were aware
26:45of it being such
26:46this global...
26:46Little by little.
26:47You know,
26:48when you're,
26:48first of all,
26:49you're cloistered away
26:50in a studio
26:50for the first year
26:51so you don't get out
26:52and see folks at all.
26:53You're just working
26:5418 hours a day
26:55to get the show out,
26:56you know.
26:57And little by little,
26:58the popularity spread.
26:59The first year,
27:00it didn't do very well.
27:01It wasn't really hot
27:02in our country.
27:04And then the second year
27:05just took off.
27:06Cops loved it.
27:07Four years in that show,
27:08I never got a ticket.
27:09Really?
27:10No.
27:11Was always a film
27:11in Los Angeles?
27:12It was in Los Angeles.
27:13All of it was in Los Angeles.
27:14but I remember driving
27:15down the Ventura freeway
27:16at 110 miles an hour,
27:18you know,
27:19weaving in and out of traffic
27:20and see the light behind me
27:22and say,
27:22oh,
27:23here it comes.
27:25The guy would finally
27:25pull it slow down right away.
27:26The guy would pull up next to me
27:27and then he'd recognize me
27:29in the car
27:29and he'd go.
27:36I get that.
27:37You know?
27:38Which,
27:38instead I get,
27:39whatever,
27:40and write you a ticket
27:41and you're going to get
27:42fined and lose your license.
27:43We did finally get banned
27:44from downtown Los Angeles.
27:46Really?
27:46Why?
27:46Well,
27:47because,
27:47you know,
27:48film companies are notorious
27:49for coming into somebody's community
27:51and sort of taking it over.
27:53like,
27:53it's your neighborhood
27:54but it's my set.
27:56You know?
27:56Yeah.
27:56So you go downtown Los Angeles
27:58and you get a couple
27:58of these chase scenes
27:59and Paul and I
28:00oftentimes would go out
28:02in the car on our own.
28:03We'd turn on the camera,
28:04we'd turn on the sound,
28:05we'd turn on the lights,
28:06we'd do the clap
28:07and we'd do the scene.
28:08So you weren't sitting
28:08on the trailer
28:09that they normally,
28:10you know,
28:10when they sit doing dramas
28:11and they sit talking like this
28:12and never looking,
28:13you actually were driving it?
28:14We did,
28:15yeah,
28:15in the beginning
28:16it was,
28:17you know,
28:17put it on a trailer
28:18and drag it.
28:19Yeah.
28:19That's no good.
28:20and we wanted more
28:22of a sense of reality
28:23to the show.
28:25Now I think I'm right
28:26in saying,
28:27looking down here
28:27at the people
28:28who've been on,
28:28you are our first
28:29American guest.
28:31Yeah.
28:31Why can't the Americans
28:32make cars?
28:37It baffles me.
28:38I mean the Mustang
28:38was a brief blip
28:39but always it's been
28:40a hundred years
28:41of horror.
28:42Well,
28:43I had a Corvette
28:44and I loved it.
28:45What did you like
28:46about that?
28:48I realized a dream
28:49in that car.
28:51I went out
28:51to the Mojave Desert
28:52and the girl
28:54that I was with
28:54at the time
28:55and we took
28:55our clothes off
28:56stark naked.
28:58The Mojave Desert
28:59is huge
28:59and there's nothing
29:00but a straight road
29:01going across it
29:02and took that baby
29:03and just floored
29:04that sucker
29:04and looked for
29:05135,
29:0740 miles an hour
29:07stark naked
29:08in the middle
29:09of the desert.
29:10Right.
29:12I mean that's a dream,
29:13right?
29:13A few things
29:14you want to do
29:14before you turn
29:15as old as I am.
29:16I was just thinking
29:17that is one of those
29:18huge lists of things
29:19you must do
29:19before you die.
29:21Drive a vet
29:22naked
29:22across the Mahal.
29:24Yeah,
29:24that was great.
29:25Wouldn't be a vet though.
29:26Yeah,
29:27but we pulled up
29:27in Boothill
29:28and I won't tell you
29:29what happened then.
29:30Yes,
29:31you will.
29:34Of course,
29:35you're not here
29:36just to relive
29:36the olden days.
29:37You're here
29:38to drive
29:39our reasonably priced
29:41car
29:41around our track.
29:44That was the idea.
29:44That's the idea,
29:46absolutely.
29:46and we had the car
29:48specially decorated
29:49for you.
29:50Anyone want to guess
29:50what we did to it?
29:52Let's have a look
29:53at your lap.
29:55Oh no.
29:56God, no.
30:00And here we go.
30:02Oh dear,
30:02you're looking a bit
30:03concentrated there.
30:05Now the Stig tells me
30:06that you were
30:07a very, very good driver.
30:09I have to be honest.
30:09he reckoned
30:10you were the first guest
30:11that was really
30:12in with a shout
30:12of beating JK
30:13who's our current leader
30:14on 1 minute 48 seconds.
30:18A bit violent
30:19with the gearbox there
30:20if I may just say.
30:22Well, I've got to tell you.
30:23Hold on a minute.
30:24Let's just.
30:24All right.
30:25Coming up.
30:27What happened?
30:28We've had
30:28all these people
30:30have come on the show
30:31and driven
30:32our reasonably priced car,
30:33our Suzuki Liana
30:34without a single
30:36bit of trouble.
30:37We've got the first
30:39American on
30:40and you broke it.
30:44You broke the gearbox.
30:47But, okay,
30:48we have a backup
30:49Suzuki Liana
30:50just in case
30:52by some miracle
30:53it went wrong.
30:54We sent him out in that.
30:56Let's have a look
30:57what happened, okay?
31:00Second car
31:01coming along
31:03into the next bit.
31:06Still being violent
31:07with the gearbox
31:07and
31:08into the second
31:10to last corner.
31:13Last corner.
31:14Oh, ****.
31:16And
31:17the second one
31:22you've broken.
31:23Well, yeah,
31:24we didn't have to
31:24bring that up right now.
31:27That's good.
31:27I mean,
31:28I'd have ruined
31:28the show quick, huh?
31:29Ask Soul to come on.
31:30He'll blow two transmissions.
31:32I can't believe it.
31:33Well, there we are,
31:34ladies and gentlemen.
31:35but he broke two of them.
31:39I'm sorry to have to
31:40break this one to you.
31:42The clock was running
31:43on your first lap
31:44and you did set
31:45a time.
31:46Everybody thinks
31:47that's going to be contrived.
31:48It's not.
31:48You have got a time
31:50and I'm going to write it up now.
31:51Now, bear in mind,
31:53the stick took this guy out
31:54and I'm not kidding.
31:55I'm not trying to make you
31:56feel any better.
31:57I want you to feel worse
31:58after what you've done
31:59to our precious car.
32:01Oh, no.
32:02He said
32:02you were as good
32:04as JK
32:04and that you were
32:05up for beating him.
32:07But you didn't.
32:08In fact,
32:09what you did
32:09was 1 minute
32:11and 54 seconds,
32:14ladies and gentlemen.
32:21Well, that was
32:22that was
32:23coasting the last 300 yards.
32:25I know you were coasting
32:26and otherwise
32:27you might have been up here.
32:28but you're not.
32:29Ladies and gentlemen,
32:30we must save up
32:32and have you again.
32:33David Soule.
32:33Thank you.
32:42Now,
32:43we've got a bit of a theme
32:44developing tonight,
32:45bad cars
32:45and it seems
32:46a bad car can come
32:47from pretty much anywhere.
32:48Yeah,
32:49as we've seen,
32:49Lexus,
32:50you'd expect a Lexus
32:51to be good
32:51but that is rubbish.
32:54Hyundai,
32:54by contrast,
32:55your expectations
32:56are a bit lower
32:57but actually
32:58that coupe
32:58is a really good car
33:00and here's
33:01an even better example.
33:02Look at that.
33:03It's a Vauxhall.
33:05Bad.
33:06No,
33:06you see,
33:06it's not.
33:07It's a good car.
33:082.2 litre
33:09supercharged engine,
33:10240 brake horsepower,
33:12rear wheel drive
33:12and look at it,
33:13chrome vents
33:14on the bonnet.
33:15Gorgeous lines.
33:16It is a beautiful
33:17looking thing.
33:17Look at that interior.
33:18Fantastic.
33:19Okay,
33:20I'll give you that.
33:20That's a good Vauxhall
33:21but what would you say
33:23if I said
33:24Perodua Calisa?
33:25Bless you.
33:27Perodua?
33:32Nope.
33:33Perodua?
33:34Perodua?
33:36Nope.
33:38Perodua?
33:39Perodua.
33:40Oh,
33:40oh.
33:41Perodua.
33:42There we go.
33:44Perodua?
33:45Perodua?
33:46Perodua?
33:47Perodua?
33:50This is a bacon sandwich
33:52and this is a car.
33:57This isn't going to get
33:58much more complicated
33:59than that
33:59because I'm in
34:00the Perodua Calisa,
34:01Britain's cheapest new car.
34:04It's yours
34:04from £5,000.
34:09A bacon sarnie
34:10isn't drizzled with jus
34:11or served on a bed of
34:13and the Calisa
34:14doesn't come with
34:14any fatuous
34:15brand attributes
34:16or lifestyle marketing messages.
34:19One is a basic meal,
34:20this is a basic car.
34:27There was a time
34:28when Britain's
34:29cheapest motor
34:30would have been
34:30something truly horrible
34:31like a larder probably.
34:34But this is more promising.
34:36It's made in Malaysia
34:37in a brand new factory
34:38rather than being
34:39slung together
34:40by some bunch of
34:41resentful communists
34:42in a pre-war gulag.
34:43This has got
34:51everything you'd expect
34:52of a car.
34:53It's got an engine,
34:55small,
34:56only three cylinders,
34:58seats,
34:59instruments,
35:01the windows go up and down,
35:03a boot.
35:04It's built down
35:05to a price.
35:06I mean,
35:06the dashboard's
35:07a bit shiny
35:08to be honest,
35:08but it's all there.
35:10It's got airbags.
35:11Britain's cheapest car
35:14used to be
35:15a polite way
35:15of saying
35:16pile of rubbish,
35:17but not anymore.
35:18The Prodger
35:18is perfectly okay.
35:20I wasn't really
35:21expecting any more
35:22than that
35:22and I certainly
35:23wasn't expecting
35:24to be entertained.
35:26This whole car
35:26is full of feel.
35:29It's a simple thing.
35:30It's got small tyres.
35:31The engine has to be
35:32thrashed if you want
35:33anything out of it.
35:34So you get this sense
35:35that there's really
35:36not very much
35:37between you
35:37and all those oily bits
35:38that are making
35:39the thing go.
35:40The real secret,
35:41though, is that it's
35:41so light.
35:42It's 150 kilograms
35:43lighter than a Ford car.
35:46That's like throwing
35:47two passengers out
35:48straight away.
35:49So it's really lively.
35:53I actually like this.
35:54It's a bit of a laugh.
35:56It's essence of driving.
35:58No garnish.
36:02I'll probably get a bag
36:03of letters for saying this,
36:04but this is the nearest
36:05thing I've driven
36:06to the original Mini.
36:11Okay, it may not be
36:12a Ferrari,
36:13but James,
36:13I'm with you on this one.
36:15I've driven the little
36:15Kalisa,
36:16and I think it's great.
36:17And do you know,
36:17I love the little
36:18noises it makes
36:19because that little
36:20three-cylinder engine,
36:21and I even love the
36:23clang when you slam
36:24the doors.
36:24I like that.
36:25You know,
36:25it's a great car
36:26with a new car smell.
36:27You were strictly honest
36:28though,
36:28because that's not
36:30the five grand one,
36:31is it?
36:32No,
36:32I did come over
36:33a bit sort of
36:34aspirational at the
36:35last minute,
36:35and I got the GX
36:37with electric windows
36:38and two-tone seat
36:39upholstery.
36:40It's, what,
36:405,800 pounds.
36:41Which is still
36:42fantastic.
36:43Brilliant.
36:44I'm sorry.
36:45I'm sorry.
36:46It's made in a
36:48jungle clearing by
36:49someone who went to
36:50work on an ox.
36:52No,
36:52I think you're
36:53completely missing the
36:54point.
36:54I'm siding with him
36:55on this one.
36:55I think it's a
36:56cracking little car.
36:57That is a good car.
36:58Well,
36:58I can't be bothered
36:59to argue anymore.
37:01It may well be
37:02nice to drive,
37:03but I'm going to
37:03do a little experiment.
37:04I've got the keys
37:05for it here,
37:05okay?
37:06And,
37:06um,
37:07okay,
37:08you.
37:08All right?
37:10How do I say it?
37:12Parodua.
37:13Parodua.
37:13Parodua.
37:14Parodua.
37:15Okay,
37:15what's this?
37:17Parodua
37:18Calisa.
37:19Eh?
37:23Nothing.
37:24Yeah,
37:24absolutely no response.
37:27It ain't perfect,
37:28but it's good.
37:30However,
37:31you might be a little
37:32bit more interested,
37:32and I'm not being sexist,
37:33you might be too,
37:35in what I'm going to do
37:36now,
37:36because I'm going to
37:36make a pair of trousers.
37:38Um,
37:39now I've got everything
37:40I need here,
37:41I've got some,
37:41um,
37:42material,
37:43there's a zip in here
37:44somewhere,
37:44and I've got a
37:45FAF 2022
37:46lifestyle sewing machine,
37:48cutting edge.
37:48around here,
37:50if we bring the camera
37:51around,
37:51I'll show you the
37:52controls.
37:53That's the traction
37:54control,
37:55there.
37:56There's my throttle,
37:57okay?
37:58And, uh,
37:59all we have to do,
38:00I've already started
38:01the, uh,
38:02the strides here,
38:03lift up the, uh,
38:04foot plate lever,
38:07slide it in,
38:07and this is not a joke,
38:09okay?
38:10I know how to drive
38:11one of these things.
38:12My mother used to have
38:13a soft toy factory.
38:14I could sew
38:15before I could ride a bicycle.
38:18And I can cook.
38:19It's what makes me
38:20so attractive with women.
38:24And they're laughing again.
38:26Anyway,
38:26here we go.
38:27Uh,
38:27I've got the foot lever down,
38:29and, uh,
38:29yep,
38:29here we go.
38:30A simple seam,
38:31not going to bother
38:31with any overlocking.
38:35Oh my God.
38:37This, I suspect,
38:42may take a little while.
38:43So I'll tell you what,
38:43we'll go away,
38:44uh, do something else,
38:45and then we'll come back later
38:46for a Trailser update.
38:52Right.
38:53Well, earlier on,
38:54our glorious Jaguar XJS
38:56was battered
38:57by the might of the world's
38:59supercars
38:59in a straight-line fight
39:00on our test track.
39:02But we're not going to
39:03leave it at that
39:03and give up.
39:04We're going to go back
39:05for another go.
39:06But this time,
39:07the Jagger's got
39:08a little trick
39:09up its trousers.
39:20So,
39:21the Top Gear War Horse
39:22is going to take on
39:22the best the world
39:23has to offer.
39:24How,
39:25you might ask,
39:26are we going to do that?
39:27Well,
39:27we're going to cheat,
39:28obviously.
39:28And we're going to do it
39:29with the help
39:29of the Wizards of Noz.
39:30Noz is Nitrous Oxide System,
39:32that's this stuff,
39:33and the guys who fit it
39:34are the Wizards,
39:35Trevor.
39:36You've put all this
39:37in our car.
39:38How much difference
39:38is this going to make?
39:39Well,
39:40the system's got the ability
39:41to deliver up to 500 horsepower.
39:43Extra.
39:44500 horsepower,
39:45over and above?
39:45That's right.
39:46Just very,
39:47very simply,
39:47how does it work?
39:48We feed oxygen
39:50in the form of Nitrous Oxide
39:52into the engine.
39:52We mix that
39:53with an extra supply of fuel.
39:55The combination of the two
39:57burnt in the engine
39:58will produce more power.
39:59What if you get it
40:00in the wrong percentages?
40:01If we put too much fuel in,
40:03it'll just belch out
40:03black smoke out of the exhaust
40:05and it'll reduce power.
40:06If we put too much Nitrous in,
40:08it could melt something.
40:09What,
40:10like the engine?
40:10Like the engine,
40:11yeah.
40:11So you're probably
40:12going to break our car.
40:20And there they are.
40:22Half a million quids
40:23worth of supercars,
40:24nearly,
40:25against 250 quids
40:26worth of rusty jack,
40:27albeit with a few hundred quids
40:29with the Nitrous added on.
40:31I just hope it makes it
40:32to the start line.
40:35So,
40:36for this run,
40:37the Nitrous will give
40:38our old heap
40:38an extra 200 horsepower,
40:40making a total of 500.
40:42But will that be enough?
40:43And will it hold together?
40:45Oh yes,
40:46and straight away
40:47you can see the difference.
40:49It's blowing away
40:50the Venturi,
40:51the Corvette,
40:52the Honda,
40:52and even the Ferrari 360.
40:55But the big question is,
40:56can it hold off
40:57that mighty Porsche 911 Turbo?
41:05Yes,
41:06it can!
41:09Oh!
41:10Fantastic!
41:12There's life
41:12in the old warhorse yet.
41:14It just goes to show,
41:15250 quids worth of Jag,
41:16about 500 quids worth of Nitrous,
41:18and it'll do a standing quarter
41:19in 13 seconds.
41:21And that's faster,
41:22as we've just shown,
41:23than a Porsche 911 Turbo
41:24and a Ferrari 360.
41:26Now,
41:27for some more
41:28trouser action.
41:29Thanks, Richard.
41:30And I've got some good news.
41:32My trousers are finished.
41:34And I've got a member
41:35of the production team
41:36to model them for me,
41:37ladies and gentlemen.
41:38I don't understand
41:48how that happened.
41:50I mean,
41:50I know how to sew.
41:52I have the material,
41:53I have the zip,
41:53I've just made
41:54a complete hash of it.
41:56And that's exactly
41:57what happened
41:58with the BMW Z8.
42:01BMW had the best brains
42:03in the business.
42:03They had this wonderful
42:04looking body.
42:05They had the engine
42:06from an M5,
42:07with a trick rear axle.
42:08They even got James Bond
42:10to drive one.
42:10It should have been
42:11spectacularly good.
42:14But that's just what
42:16they were expecting it to be.
42:19Instead,
42:19it turned out to be awful.
42:21Let me show you
42:22what it was like to drive.
42:23Ah, yes.
42:38This is exactly
42:39what a Z8
42:40feels like to drive.
42:41It's that same sense of
42:42ooh,
42:43what's going to happen next?
42:45The problem was
42:51they didn't know
42:52what they wanted
42:53the Z8 to be.
42:55Sports car,
42:56muscle car,
42:57boulevard cruiser.
42:58And it's ended up
42:59as a sort of
43:00brownie-green mush
43:03of all three.
43:03happily,
43:10BMW recently announced
43:12that they're going
43:12to stop making it.
43:13But before it's consigned
43:15to the dusty vaults
43:17of history,
43:18a German engineering
43:19company has had
43:19one last-ditch attempt
43:21to get it right.
43:23This is the Alpina Z8.
43:32You can tell it's an Alpina
43:33because of its huge wheels
43:35and tyres
43:36and also because it says
43:37Alpina on the back.
43:42Inside,
43:43they've made merry
43:44with the blue suede
43:44and the equally blue dials.
43:48It must be said,
43:50this looks just as good
43:51as the original
43:52and it's just as
43:53left-hand drive
43:54as the original.
43:55But does it go
43:57any better?
44:04Well, after much
44:05careful deliberation,
44:06the simple answer is
44:08no.
44:12And that's the problem.
44:14Hold your camera.
44:16That's exactly the problem.
44:18He can't hold his camera
44:19because you correct the slide,
44:21you get it all held
44:21perfectly and then
44:22the whole body weight
44:23as you come back in line
44:24is hurled the other way
44:25and you get this
44:27sort of pendulum effect.
44:32Ain't no sports car,
44:34that's for sure.
44:38Getting it round a corner
44:40is like trying to get
44:41a wardrobe up a fire escape.
44:43It's very hard work
44:45and it's hard to see
44:47and it's hard to see
44:47where you're going.
44:50Oh, dearie me.
44:53It really doesn't like
44:54this sort of treatment.
44:56So, if Alpina
44:58haven't made it handle
44:59any better,
45:00what have they done?
45:03Well, the first thing
45:04they did was take out
45:06the standard 5-litre engine
45:08and replace it
45:08with their own 4.8.
45:10smaller engine,
45:13less power.
45:15This must be the first
45:16ever tuned car
45:17that's slower
45:18than the original.
45:20Then they took out
45:22the 6-speed manual gearbox
45:23and fitted their own
45:255-speed automatic.
45:26This is not looking good.
45:31And it gets worse
45:32because then they set about
45:33the suspension
45:34and the steering,
45:35adding some
45:35Lenore fabric softener
45:37to the mix.
45:39So, the whole car
45:39should then be
45:41as clean to your hands
45:42as Nanette Newman
45:43in a pashmina.
45:46It all sounds
45:48terribly weird.
45:56But, there was
46:09some method
46:09in their madness.
46:18What they've tried
46:19to do
46:19is focus the Z8.
46:21Forget the idea
46:22of it being a sports car
46:23or a muscle car.
46:25They've tried to make
46:26it a pure
46:27west coast
46:28cruising machine.
46:35It's now aimed
46:36at the sort of person
46:37who cares more
46:38about their underpants
46:39than their understeer.
46:42The sort of person
46:43who wants to dawdle along
46:44top down
46:45with a burble
46:46from the exhaust
46:47and a pizza tier
46:48or warble
46:49from the stereo.
46:52Unfortunately,
46:53it hasn't worked.
46:55The exhaust
46:55doesn't burble.
46:56Listen.
46:59That's a shriek.
47:02And to drive,
47:03it still feels like
47:04a coffee table.
47:05The suspension
47:06is still far too hard
47:07and the steering
47:08is still far too heavy.
47:10It's...
47:11It's a heffalum.
47:14In fact,
47:15I have to be honest,
47:17I am hard-pressed
47:18to tell this car
47:19from the original.
47:20Weird to report then
47:21that the price
47:22has gone up
47:22from £80,000
47:23to £95,000.
47:29One more thing.
47:31There's only 11 Alpina Z8s
47:33coming to Britain
47:34and Ronan Keating
47:35has bought one of them.
47:37Just thought you ought to know.
47:39Alpina is a good company.
47:46They've been doing good things
47:47with BMWs
47:48for 30 years or more
47:49but I think the Z8s
47:50just like a delinquent child.
47:52It was born bad.
47:53It's always going to be bad.
47:55So on that basis,
47:55we weren't going to bother
47:57taking it around the track.
47:58I mean,
47:58only Ronan Keating
47:59would be interested
48:00in the outcome.
48:02Problem was the Stig.
48:03he has been beside himself
48:05with excitement all day
48:07because his hero's been here.
48:08The king of easy listening,
48:10David Soule.
48:11He wanted to go and show off
48:12so we had to let him really.
48:16And he's off the line.
48:17Hardly any wheel spin there.
48:19David Soule's not going
48:20to be impressed with that.
48:22Now remember,
48:22this car has less horsepower
48:24than the standard Z8.
48:33That's touching, isn't it?
48:37Stig's been stalking David
48:39all day long, really.
48:43Ooh, here he comes up
48:44to the Hammerhead now.
48:45Dab of the brakes
48:46into the corner,
48:47running wide.
48:47Listen to the tyres howl.
48:49Running wide,
48:50more oversteer.
48:58Now, down to the fearsome
48:59follow-through.
49:01Ooh, that looked quick.
49:03Touch of the brakes.
49:04That's unusual.
49:04Even the Stig is struggling
49:05with the Alpina.
49:07Got very unpredictable handling.
49:08Into Gambon.
49:09Really sideways
49:10and there he is
49:11across the line.
49:12Now, you saw how hard
49:14the Stig was struggling
49:15with the car there, yes?
49:16Yeah.
49:17Well, you're not going
49:18to believe the time
49:19he did it in.
49:20One minute,
49:2129 seconds.
49:23Exactly the same
49:24as a Lamborghini Murcielago.
49:26He is good, isn't he?
49:28He is.
49:28That Stig is...
49:29That's amazing.
49:30That was an incredible time.
49:32and that's just about
49:34the end of the show.
49:35David Soule is now
49:36leaving the premises
49:36to get away,
49:37I suspect,
49:38from the Stig.
49:44And on that cardboard bombshell,
49:47it's the end.
49:48Next week,
49:49there'll be no sewing.
49:50You'll be delighted to hear
49:51we'll be back
49:52to doing what we do best,
49:53making smoke
49:54in a big Aston Martin.
49:56See you then.
49:57Night.
49:57Not too bad, eh?
50:25No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
50:27Ευχαριστώ.
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