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00:01So, you've got two British film actors on the show.
00:06I think we have three British film actors on the show.
00:09Well, I don't think you could describe Dave Gorman as a film...
00:12Oh, do you mean Jane Moore? Oh, you mean you!
00:15Are you reeling in the years?
00:19Stowing away the time?
00:22Are you gathering up the tears?
00:26Have you had enough of mine?
00:30Hello, and welcome to Annually Retentive.
00:42I'm Rob Brydon, I'm your host for this comedy panel show
00:45that takes us back through time.
00:47It's a bit middle class, the show, isn't it?
00:49It's what?
00:50Middle class and...
00:51You think this show is middle class?
00:53Well, yeah.
00:54I would love for this show to be middle class.
00:56This show is being constantly dragged down by shell-suited, single-parented,
01:02pram-pushing, Trisha-watching scum.
01:06Dave Gorman.
01:08Jane's willing stormtroopers are...
01:15I am trying to push this show up to middle class.
01:19I would love it to be a middle class show.
01:21This is a bloody chav show.
01:23Bob Mills.
01:25And Britain's foremost Iranian comedian-stroke film star...
01:32Ahmad Jalili.
01:33Oh, God.
01:34What?
01:35Why do I want to support an Iraqi comedian?
01:37Iranian.
01:38But I don't...
01:39What?
01:40Iranian, he's Iranian.
01:41Iran, Iraq, they're all on the same side, aren't they?
01:43He's also a very successful Hollywood film actor.
01:45Rubbish.
01:46Absolute rubbish.
01:47What films has he been in?
01:48Gladiator.
01:49What else?
01:50The Mummy.
01:51What else?
01:52Casanova.
01:53Right.
01:54Three films.
01:55If I wanted to be in a Hollywood film, I could be in a Hollywood film.
01:57Really?
01:58Okay.
01:59Fine.
02:00I choose not to.
02:01Right.
02:02Why?
02:03Why would I want to go over there and make rubbish?
02:04You know, when I...
02:05When you can make rubbish here?
02:07Book on me, Jalili.
02:09Book him.
02:10He's on for ten seconds and you really look at him.
02:16You really notice him, do you know what I mean?
02:18Yeah, he's got one of those faces.
02:19That's why he's big in America, because...
02:21He's not big in America.
02:22He's a star.
02:23He is.
02:24He's a personality.
02:25He has to hire security when he goes to New York.
02:28Yeah, because they think he's a terrorist.
02:31He has to take his trainers off if he goes into a shop.
02:34Dave's X-Wing pilots are author, comedian and motoring journalist,
02:39Alexi Sale.
02:41Hasn't worked for 25 years.
02:44Can't get arrested in television.
02:46This is somebody very special who I'm really, really thrilled
02:49that he's on the show tonight.
02:50Why would I want Alexi bloody Sale?
02:52Okay, fine.
02:53Get me Rick Mail.
02:54Fine, I'll have Rick Mail on the show.
02:56Well, get me Ben Elton.
02:57Get me Alexi Sale.
02:58That's like talking about the Osmonds and getting me Jimmy.
03:01He is a comic icon.
03:02Alexi Sale!
03:04How about that?
03:05Who else have we got?
03:06Who else?
03:07Who else?
03:08Who else?
03:09Who's the other name?
03:10Who else on Dave's team?
03:11Yeah, come on.
03:12Dave Gorman, Alexi Sale and...
03:13VJ and TV presenter Dave Berry.
03:14Oh, Dave Berry.
03:15Dave Berry.
03:16Does that ring any bells?
03:17Not ever.
03:18It's not with me, I'll be honest.
03:19He's a MTV presenter.
03:20Is he funny?
03:21Probably not.
03:22Excellent.
03:23Excellent.
03:24He's unknown and he's not funny.
03:25Well, he seems perfect for our show.
03:26Welcome.
03:27Welcome to you all.
03:28Hello.
03:29Yeah, Rob, hi.
03:30It's me.
03:31I've got you good news.
03:32Yeah.
03:33I have got you an audition for a Hollywood movie.
03:35Really?
03:36English actor has dropped out.
03:37I think he was asking for way too much money.
03:39So, it has landed in your lap.
03:40Brilliant.
03:42I don't mind.
03:43Okay.
03:44If you can just get yourself a camera and get this on tape.
03:47What's the film called?
03:48Reagan is The President.
03:49No, it's not funny.
03:50No, it's not funny.
03:52No, I think it's funny.
03:53It's funny.
03:54It's funny.
03:55I've got you good news.
03:56No, it's funny.
03:57Well, I've got you an audition for a Hollywood movie.
03:59Really?
04:00So, I think he was asking for way too much money.
04:02the film called? Reagan is the president. That would be... That fits. Do you know what? I will
04:09give it to you for that. I'll give you a point for that. Because it's... Steady on. It's called
04:15Fat Cat. Fat Cat. That's fat with P-H. With a what? It could be the president at any time. The
04:22thing is he's the new president because it's 1980 when he was elected. It's Garfield with
04:28his attitude played by a rapper. Garfield played by a rapper. And you're going to be playing
04:34the part of the butler. Butler, good, good. OK. I'm going to give a point for that. I'm going
04:39to give a point to Dave's scene. I think that's right. Yeah. All right, a point it is. It's
04:42Reagan is new president. It refers to the news from January... Well, that's what I said. Yes,
04:47but you were a little bit too late. No, but I didn't... Because you said it was his round.
04:50She was being polite. You said it was his round. Letting them get it wrong first. Let me point
04:54out now there's no room for politeness in this house. Reagan was the president. It could
04:58have been in it. You're the bastard. What's he up to? Well, he's an author now. He's
05:03written short stories, long stories. I think the acting didn't really work for him in the
05:10way he'd hoped, which is a shame. I mean, I've, you know, there for the grace of God, I mean,
05:14I'm very much on the kind of ascendant at the moment. I'm not saying, you know, it's not
05:20Hugh Grant or anything, but in my own little way, it's kind of going... And you hope you get
05:25to the top and you kind of just go round a bit before you do an Alexei.
05:31Do you think that's what happened? I think, I think he probably wouldn't say it that way.
05:35I think he's probably rewritten history. Blank bear caught blank, blank.
05:40Is it Latvian bear caught wanking to rainbow?
05:45Again, it could be any year. You know, funnily enough, it's not. No. Remember there was a bear
05:53that, there was a cocaine drug smuggling flight to Christ and they found a bear lying next to
05:59it that had eaten all the cocaine. And it later became a commissioning editor at Channel 4.
06:06Oh, that one, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
06:09Don't say it's a great programme, yeah.
06:11And then he came to work for the BBC and commissioned this programme.
06:14Now, stay in the Jamie Theakston pool of mediocrity, right? Who can we dip our line in?
06:21Who can you ask me hook out now?
06:24Michael Portillo.
06:26You think that Michael Portillo is wading around in Jamie's pool?
06:33Well, I, yeah, I thought he might be in a similar kind of level, you know. I mean, obviously a completely
06:40different kind of celebrity, but...
06:42I, I, I, I...
06:44I, uh...
06:45Well, just, you know, think laterally.
06:48I've thought laterally. I've thought laterally, horizontally, linearly, vertically. I've thought any way
06:54I can to get myself out of this arse of a show.
06:57Rupert Bear Caught in Paddington.
06:59It's... Dave, I'm gonna...
07:00Is that, is that, is that courting Paddington? Like, it's very, very tentative early stages of the relationship.
07:07Or has he been caught in Paddington?
07:09I learned it in the most innocent way I could possibly be.
07:12All right. Well, you, you were innocently wrong. It's a TV bear caught in net.
07:18Hi. Come in.
07:23Hi. I've got your message.
07:25Hello. Now then, I am, uh, going up for a part...
07:29Okay. Is this gonna take long? It's just that Ahmed needs a smoothie, and so it's on my way to get something for me.
07:34Right. I am going up for a part in an American film, okay?
07:36Okay.
07:37Fat Cat.
07:38Right.
07:38Right. I'm playing a butler, okay?
07:40Yeah.
07:40He's a little animated cat, uh, like Garfield, but with attitude.
07:44Okay.
07:45Right. I mean, Garfield has attitude. That's the whole thing about it.
07:48Yeah, this is, I mean, this is real. This is, like, offensive. This is being voiced by a rapper, okay?
07:52Okay. Oh, who?
07:54One of the rappers. So, would you just do the, the words, test me on the words, then I need to record it, and I have to get it done quickly, okay?
08:02Right, okay.
08:03Right, ready? I'm in Hudson.
08:04Yep.
08:05Uh, will sir be, uh, joining us for supper, or are you having another night on the tiles?
08:10Um, fuck off, bitch boy, this one bad-ass cat going sniffing for pussy. Ain't no ho safe tonight, one fat cat, but the mood's down right.
08:18I see, sir.
08:19And now, just like the kids from Fame, we have one hit and turn to drugs. Not really. We come, we come singing and dancing into our next round, which is called Eyewitness.
08:31Well, there was an awful lot of banging.
08:34Right, stop right there. There was an awful lot of banging in 1980. What could it have been?
08:39Uh, I already.
08:43Yep, Dave. Pilot episode of Dallas?
08:46Very good. Banging. I see what you're doing there. Okay. No, not that. A lot of banging in 1980.
08:52All right, all right. You're being too cryptic for us. Let me ask, let me ask your dad here.
08:59Um...
09:00It's a very noisy neighbourhood and they weren't behaving very diplomatically.
09:04Well, he's not going to do voices on the show, is he? No.
09:07Promise me. I promise me he's not going to do Bruce Forsythe.
09:10He's not going to do Bruce Forsythe.
09:12And, uh, they weren't behaving very diplomatically. Hang on a minute. Is this, is this Michael Barrymore from 1980?
09:17Well, a little bit, maybe. Uh, so, it was a very noisy neighbourhood and they were behaving very diplomatically.
09:24It was a noisy, who was that? Who buzzed him?
09:26That was me, sorry.
09:27Bob.
09:28Bob Mills.
09:29That's right, if we're desperate. He's a number three, isn't he? He's very much a sort of, if you can't get anyone else to make the numbers.
09:33Sea list. Put him on the sea list.
09:35Yeah, and I don't tell him what the sea stands for.
09:37Was it the, the, the Iranian siege?
09:40Thanks a lot.
09:41Thanks a lot.
09:42See you later.
09:43He's a twat, isn't he?
09:46Yes! Our eyewitnesses were describing the momentous events of May the 5th, 1980, when a team of crack, it's not a laughing matter, crack SAS troops stormed the Iranian embassy to free hostages being held by, uh, terrorists.
10:03You weren't involved, Omid, were you? Let's, let's clear that up now.
10:06No.
10:07All right.
10:08Why were those people dressed like that?
10:10They, they, to represent, to give us, give us a flavour of the 1980s.
10:18Rob, I'm, honestly, I'm not going to sit on the floor and do this.
10:21Please, please, please.
10:22I mean, I mean, the show starts in 20 minutes anyway. I don't want to sit on the floor.
10:28Just, just kneel. Kneel on the floor.
10:31I'm really not feeling comfortable with this.
10:33Well, well, well, sit then. Sit, please. Sit on kneel. Just, please, please. I want, I, this could lead to big things. Okay?
10:42Um. Hang on, wait for a bit.
10:47Right.
10:48Come, no. Well, you don't have to be like a cat. Just, just, just, just, just be lower then.
10:51Well, why am I down on the floor then? Because I want the eye line. I want to look down.
10:54Oh, God.
10:59I sort of skirt around politics, really. I don't, I don't, I never want to alienate any potential person in the audience.
11:05Maybe you'll feel differently to me. Yeah.
11:07Because I think that could limit the, the viewers. Yeah. That's why it's called light entertainment.
11:12This round is an acting challenge for our teams.
11:15I would never just brand myself in America as like a Welshman. I'll only play Welsh roles.
11:20I would never do that. So you've not been in a Richard Curtis film then?
11:22No. No. No.
11:23I would have expected a funny Welsh cameo. No. No.
11:27Can you do any other accent?
11:30Yes. I'm known for doing that.
11:33But no, I mean, but like when it's not an impression.
11:37Well, if you're doing another voice, yes, I can, I could just be a generic Scottish person.
11:42Don't have to be Ronnie Corbett.
11:43No, it's going to be more of a challenge for some of the team than others,
11:46because we have two very accomplished actors with us in Mr. Omid Jalili.
11:52He's a movie star. He's an actor.
11:55Isn't he Gladiator?
11:56New Casanova.
11:57Yeah.
11:58He really always stands out.
12:00He really notices it.
12:01Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on a minute. Hang on a minute, okay?
12:03He is, you're talking like we've got Jim Carrey on the show.
12:07The Mummy.
12:08Mm-hmm.
12:09Casanova.
12:10Yes.
12:11Gladiator.
12:12That's right.
12:13One of the Bond movies.
12:14Yes.
12:15And of course, Alexei, I enjoyed your Gorky Park.
12:18He plays small parts, all right, fat parts, small fat roles in big films.
12:24What's the difference when you're doing a film like that to being on something like this?
12:27Is it a very different sort of thing, or is it...?
12:29Yes, it's very different.
12:33Okay, quick.
12:36Rob Brydon.
12:37Hudson.
12:38Have either of you ever played the butlers in any of the movies?
12:41Butlers? Yeah.
12:42I think we've been offered the butlers stuff, but probably turn it down because it's too small or not interesting enough.
12:47Back off, bitch boy. This one bad-ass cat going sniffing for a pussy. Ain't no ho safe tonight when fat cat put the moves down right.
12:59I see, sir.
13:00What you see, Hudson? What you see? You don't see shit. Not jack shit. Now, give me some fine milk, put it in a saucer, and while you're at it, take the poker out.
13:10The poker, sir?
13:11Yeah, the poker you've got sticking up your British arse.
13:15Oh, my British arse?
13:17Yeah, your arse.
13:19In your own time, I'd like us to see all this acting potential that was wasted.
13:23Okay, I'd like to see it coming out for Dave here.
13:25Do an American. Do, like, a Deep South for me.
13:28I can just do generic boys like that. I can do any boys. That's very convincing. I'd talk about that.
13:33That's pretty good.
13:34I can make him kind of intellectual chance. Like, he's his friend. He don't know what he's talking about, cos he's got something wrong in his head.
13:40And he won't put his penis somewhere he ain't meant to be, but he real bad.
13:44You've got to close your eyes for these, cos the face is Welsh.
13:46Yeah.
13:47Yeah.
13:48All the way.
13:49We're getting special effects as well. This is a plus.
13:54If you can remember an event from sports or politics, news, anything, it is in the show.
14:02I'll do music, cos I know music across the decades, probably since the 60s, fan of the Beatles and right up to now.
14:09Well, that's cool, cos we've got Alexi, who's clearly going to be strong in the politics and all the news and stuff,
14:15and yourself covering pop culture and especially the music.
14:18Oh, look, there goes Kurt Cobain leaving the airport.
14:22Now I can't see him. Where's he gone?
14:25And I'm named after where Johnny Vegas lives.
14:28Not the pub, but, you know.
14:30As I say, going back as far as the 70s, you know, stuff my mum and dad should be answering. I'd leap in there.
14:36The answer's Gary Glitter, the answer's Abba. Do you know what I mean? I know my music and it's not going to be a problem.
14:42Yeah. You're Mr. MTV, right?
14:44I am an expert of music.
14:45And I've done Kurt Cobain leaving an aeroplane. Where's he from?
14:49I don't know.
14:50What?
14:51We don't know where Kurt Cobain is from?
14:53What country or a place?
14:55City. Let's say city.
14:57Is he from Los Angeles?
14:58Oh, my word.
14:59I don't know.
15:00I don't know.
15:01Is it MTV you work on or MU TV?
15:03The Manchester United Channel.
15:05Hiya.
15:06Jane.
15:07All right.
15:08Dave.
15:09Hey, you all right, mate? You good?
15:10Yeah.
15:13Hi, Dave.
15:14Right, so Kurt Cobain has just left...
15:17That's just to give you the...
15:18Johnny Vegas is from St. Helens in Merseyside.
15:20Right, right.
15:21So come on.
15:22Mount St. Helen.
15:23Yes.
15:24Hence the...
15:25Yes.
15:26Well, that's the answer.
15:27Yes, they got it.
15:28Well done.
15:29That was all exact.
15:30Well acted.
15:31I just tried to think it wasn't a bad man.
15:33The answer we were looking for was Mount St. Helens erupt.
15:37The volcano, which is in Washington State.
15:40We were looking for Seattle.
15:41Okay, that's where Nirvana were from.
15:43Fat Cat starts to sing.
15:44It is as though Hudson begins to melt in the face of Fat Cat's streets march.
15:49He clicks his fingers in time with Fat Cat's rap and a broad smile.
15:53Spreads across his face.
15:55With a poker up your ass, you ain't got no class.
15:58It could be a while and learn some Fat Cat style.
16:00On the answer we have hit, and it ain't no shit.
16:03I may be full of class, what I need's a ton of sass.
16:06No shit.
16:07No shit.
16:08No shit.
16:09No shit.
16:10No shit.
16:11That's just terrible.
16:16No shit.
16:17No shit.
16:18No shit.
16:19No shit.
16:20No shit.
16:21No shit.
16:22No shit.
16:23So somebody against somebody British.
16:24Jake, Jake.
16:25Come forward.
16:26Come into the lights.
16:27Hurdy-gurdy.
16:28Hurdy-gurdy.
16:29Hurdy-gurdy.
16:30You cannot be serious.
16:31Hurdy-gurdy.
16:32This is good stuff.
16:33This is good stuff.
16:34Hurdy-gurdy.
16:35Oh no.
16:36It's the Wimbledon men's final.
16:37Yes.
16:38That's John McEnroe.
16:39It was very, very good.
16:40Yeah.
16:41Do it again.
16:42You cannot be serious.
16:43That's very good.
16:44That's...
16:45That's...
16:46That's, um...
16:47That's John...
16:48John McEnroe, the methadoniers.
16:52And you...
16:53Who was Jane bringing Vividy to life?
16:56He must have been playing.
16:57Do the rather wonderful racism again.
17:00Hurdy-gurdy.
17:01Hurdy-gurdy.
17:02Yes, it's John McEnroe.
17:03And I'm standing on the bass line.
17:05I do not move at the bass line.
17:07So that's Bjorn Borg, isn't it?
17:09Either that or the chef from the Muppets.
17:11Yes.
17:12Thank you very much for doing this.
17:14No, it's fine.
17:15Thank you for having me.
17:17I wouldn't normally, you know...
17:19I haven't been on TV much these days.
17:21Teams, on your screens, you will see a Venn diagram.
17:24Okay?
17:25Three famous faces contained in it.
17:28In this case, it's Ronald Reagan, who we said hello to earlier.
17:30You get a job lot of Ronald Reagan.
17:32Yeah.
17:33We bought clearance on Ronald Reagan.
17:36We may as well use it.
17:37It's Ronald Reagan...
17:39Oh, Nancy.
17:40John Lennon.
17:41All right.
17:42And the comic book hero Daredevil.
17:44I don't know what he sounds like.
17:46I like Guy de Maupassant, sir.
17:49Oh, yes.
17:50Oh, yes.
17:51Oh, yes.
17:52Yes, it's very good.
17:53I think you are other than the French.
17:56But it's...
17:57But it's...
17:58That's a shame, because it's funny there.
18:00It's formidable.
18:01You speak French, Rob?
18:02Pardon?
18:03Pardon?
18:04Pardon?
18:05Pardon?
18:06Pardon?
18:07Pardon?
18:08Pardon?
18:09Pardon?
18:10Pardon?
18:11Pardon?
18:12Now, John Lennon, of course, for very sad reasons, was in the headlines.
18:13Sorry.
18:14Nearly held hands with you there.
18:16In my country, it's fine.
18:19Yes.
18:20Do you know what?
18:21Do you know what?
18:22Do you know what?
18:23Do you know what?
18:24Do you know what?
18:25I'm from Wales.
18:26We don't mind either.
18:27He hit the headlines in 1980 for a very sad reason.
18:28That's why he's the centre of our diagram.
18:29But John also shares some unusual features with each of his co-venhabitants.
18:30That's pretty easy, isn't it?
18:31Yeah.
18:32Well, John Lennon, of course, hit the headlines for very...
18:33Oh, sorry.
18:34I nearly held your hand.
18:35In my country, it's fine.
18:36Do you know what?
18:37Do you know what?
18:38Do you know what?
18:39Do you know what?
18:40Do you know what?
18:41I'm from Wales.
18:42We don't mind either.
18:43He hit the headlines in 1980 for a very sad reason.
18:46That's why he's the centre of our diagram.
18:49But John also shares some unusual features with each of his co-venhabitants.
18:56That's pretty easy, isn't it?
18:57They were both shot.
18:58Yes.
18:59That is certainly a connection.
19:01But that's not actually the one that Rob's going to look for tonight.
19:03So if you want to say that, that'd be great.
19:05You can buzz in.
19:06Oh, hello.
19:07Jane.
19:08Well, being shot, he's got in common with...
19:10Yes.
19:11We didn't think of that.
19:12It's not that one.
19:13We chose him.
19:14He does, actually, yes.
19:15Ben Affleck should be shot.
19:16Ben Affleck should be shot, yes.
19:18Thank you, Alexi.
19:20I've come alive on this thing.
19:21Do you really?
19:22Yeah, I think so.
19:23Yeah, I'm just...
19:24I just feel loose.
19:25Sports reporter.
19:2626.
19:273.6 million.
19:28Just throwing out random answers now.
19:30It's funny because, you know, maybe because I don't respect it in a way, I'm really good
19:35at it, you know?
19:36A bear.
19:37It's the bearable likeness of Pete.
19:40The invention of CAT scan.
19:43Oh, Cundra.
19:44I'm such a fan of Cundra.
19:45I'm such a fan of Cundra, yeah.
19:46Do you speak Czech at all?
19:47A little, yeah.
19:48You know, I think in a way, you know, because it's very difficult when you read things in
19:52translation, you don't get a sense of it.
19:56You don't get a sense of it.
19:57You're losing.
19:58You know, I try and learn languages to read poetry.
20:01Keep in Czech.
20:02I would check a little bit, just to get a sense of it, you know, a flavour of it.
20:05You know, I...
20:06Yeah.
20:07Daniel Day-Lewis, wasn't he?
20:08The unbearable likeness of being.
20:10Yeah.
20:11Yeah.
20:12Yeah.
20:13But, I mean, obviously, I'm presuming you read poetry.
20:15Oh.
20:16Compassion poetry.
20:17Dave Barry.
20:18Daredevil obviously lost his sight and used his other senses to stop baddies.
20:22Yes.
20:23John Lennon is probably one of the most famous, respectable, glasses-wearing men.
20:28Yes.
20:29It's the right answer.
20:30Well done.
20:31So it's got to be about wanking, Rob.
20:33They were both shot.
20:34I think Jane's point is that they were both shot.
20:39Yes.
20:40And now you're saying, while that is not a good enough connection for these two...
20:43Yeah.
20:44...the fact that he's blind and he wears glasses is a good enough connection.
20:50Yeah.
20:51Do you see the kind of...
20:52No, I think...
20:53Yeah, I take your point.
20:54But he was blind.
20:55Okay.
20:56So they were both blind.
20:57Blind is to dead, as wears glasses is to shot.
21:02Right.
21:03Do you see the connection?
21:04Isn't it how they're all connected?
21:05No, no, you only have...
21:06No, it's what connects the one on the outside with the one on the inside.
21:08Whichever one we do, can I make one thing really clear?
21:11Yeah.
21:12You have to explain to the guests what a Venn diagram is.
21:16Mm, sure.
21:17Because I am getting sick and tired of having to explain on the show...
21:21Yeah.
21:22...what a Venn diagram is.
21:23So it's not a pure Venn diagram, then, is it?
21:25No, it is.
21:26No, because in a pure Venn diagram, all three must be interconnected.
21:30Yeah.
21:31No, no, no, no.
21:32I studied maths at university, right?
21:33Um, do you know what?
21:34I can believe that.
21:35You know what?
21:36Yeah.
21:37The beard, the shirt...
21:38Every week, it seems, somebody thinks there has to be one broad connection between all
21:41three people.
21:42Yeah.
21:43In which case, why are they in fucking circles?
21:44Right.
21:45Everyone should know what a Venn diagram is.
21:46Yeah.
21:47Clearly, these two have a connection, and these two have another connection.
21:52Yeah.
21:53And yet, every week...
21:54You end up explaining it.
21:55I'm having to explain this, and I feel like I'm some kind of, like, geeky, science-y
21:58guy who knows these things, and I don't want to play that role on the show.
22:01It's not what I'm here for.
22:02Okay.
22:03Circle A, they all share a quality.
22:05Mm-hmm.
22:06Circle B, share a separate quality.
22:08Where they intersect...
22:09The Venn.
22:10...have both qualities.
22:11Oh.
22:12I can't believe you're talking about this, and my answer was wanking.
22:14So, in that case...
22:15That just says all about the MTV generation, doesn't it, really?
22:18So, being...
22:19I don't want to be cast in life as a geek.
22:21Right.
22:22I just want to live in a world in which people know what a fucking Venn diagram is.
22:25Actually, that does sound a bit geeky.
22:28The link between Lennon and Daredevil is, as Dave Barry said, to do with sight.
22:32Without glasses, John Lennon was technically, and legally, blind.
22:36As opposed to these illegal blinds that are...
22:38Cluttering our streets, they don't have a license.
22:42Just like the comic book hero, who was blinded during a chemical accident as a child.
22:47Unlike Daredevil, of course, he couldn't leap tall buildings.
22:50Who knows the link between Reagan and Lennon?
22:53Apart from the one that they've both been shot.
22:55Yeah, apart from that, who knows another link between them?
22:59One joke I thought of, actually, for this, was that you could say, either of you,
23:03is it that, you know, John Lennon hasn't worked for a while, and neither has Ben Affleck?
23:10It's fine, you don't have to say it, it's fine.
23:13Yes?
23:14Maybe John Lennon wanted to give peace a chance, and Reagan pissed it away.
23:20It's political.
23:21Always confrontational, always saying the difficult things that some of us would shy away from.
23:24It's okay, my country.
23:26All we need now is to get you a catchphrase.
23:30A chav catchphrase.
23:32I have a catchphrase, it's a bit of fun.
23:35That's not your catchphrase.
23:37Is that your catchphrase?
23:38That's a Keith Barrett catchphrase, it's a bit of fun.
23:40I don't think you want to bring Keith Barnett into this.
23:43What?
23:45You're not presenting this as Keith Barnett.
23:46What did you say, then?
23:47You're not presenting it as Keith Barnett.
23:49Keith who?
23:50You're presenting it as Rob Bryson.
23:51Keith who?
23:52Keith Barnett.
23:53Who the fuck is Keith Barnett?
23:55Well, I don't know, you invented him.
23:57No, I do Keith Barrett.
23:59Keith Barrett.
24:01You don't know the name of my most celebrated character.
24:05She's kidding.
24:06It's a bit of fun.
24:07It's a bit of fun.
24:08Is this ringing any bells?
24:10It's a bit of fun.
24:12Keith Barrett.
24:13Who's Barnett?
24:14That's it.
24:15Looking at the scores at the end of the show.
24:17This week's defeated Jimmy Carters are Dave, Alexi and the other Dave.
24:22But this week's triumphant Ronald Reagans are Jane, Bob and Omid.
24:33Where did you get off coming in here and insulting a BAFTA-winning comedy?
24:37Nominated.
24:38A BAFTA-nominated comedy performer by getting the name of his character wrong.
24:44I mean, where the hell do you get off?
24:46Barnett.
24:48Jane, Bob and Omid, what did you come up with for this?
24:51I don't know about you, but this is how I fill my box.
24:57In your country, is that a...
25:00The Queen isn't very impressed by Harry's latest fancy dress outfit.
25:05Very good, very good.
25:07Elton John.
25:08Oh, God.
25:09What?
25:10Yes, yeah, book Elton John. Go on, well done.
25:13Well, no, it's just...
25:14While we're waiting for a definite yes from Jamie Thigston,
25:16why don't we just slot Elton John in?
25:18No, but, um...
25:19What planet do you live on?
25:21OK, well, can I say...
25:21Let's have Jimi Hendrix as well, he's probably with the same agent.
25:24He's down, too.
25:24And let's have Bob Marley as well and Elvis.
25:26You've got as much chance of getting Elton John...
25:29Really?
25:30Of course!
25:31Let's take a look at your picture.
25:33Now, this is a lovely showbiz shot.
25:35What did you come up with here?
25:36I think on the long coach journey to the Siamese Twin Convention,
25:40it became clear that those sitting near the window
25:42had definitely caught the sun.
25:46APPLAUSE
25:47Very good.
25:50And nice to see...
25:51Nice to see who've managed to take a post-modern angle
25:55on the old black person has caught a suntan gag,
25:57which is lovely.
25:59I'm just saying, if they were Siamese twins,
26:01then one of them is definitely...
26:02And you're insulting all the Siamese twins in the audience.
26:05Although, fair play, they only did have to book one seat.
26:08What else you got for that?
26:08It's nice to see you.
26:10Fuck off, you twat.
26:12Poxy, stupid, insignificant, trivial, bland, shallow, hollow, facile.
26:21Those are words that could accurately describe the show we are working on.
26:26Timeless, legendary, classic, influential,
26:31eonspanning, artistic genius.
26:35Those are words that would describe Sir Elton John.
26:40Now, do you see that they don't go together?
26:43What idiot would suggest putting them together?
26:46Because when you suggest that you make me look an idiot,
26:48it just reinforces the fact that I'm doing a stupid show
26:50you would never want to be on.
26:51That is it, I'm relieved to say.
26:54Another show consigned to the annals of history.
26:57Good news, it's about Fat Cat.
27:00They've agreed the money and you've got the part.
27:03Fantastic.
27:04Thanks to you all for watching.
27:06I'm Rob Brydon and I was annually retentive.
27:09Good night.
27:09APPLAUSE
27:10I know this is a bit of a long shot,
27:33but we were wondering if you might like to be a guest on the show.
27:38Yeah, I'd love to.
27:39Yeah, no problem at all.
27:41All right then.
27:42See you soon.
27:42Bye.
27:42APPLAUSE
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