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00:28I'll be right back
00:39Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so very much.
00:46And, well, good evening.
00:51Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome.
00:52Well, my hands are a bit full, so, Hugh, perhaps you wouldn't mind doing the apostrophes for me this week.
00:56Certainly, right.
00:57Uh, welcome to A Bit of Fry and Laurie.
01:00Um, some very, very exciting news.
01:03Uh, I received a letter today, Hugh, if you would.
01:06Right, letter from Buckingham Palace.
01:09Um, and I'm going to read it to you.
01:11Uh, dear Mr Fry, misspelled.
01:15Uh, thank you very much for applying for the MBE.
01:21As you know, numbers are limited.
01:22We have only one MBE left on the upcoming honours list.
01:28Oh, dear.
01:29That's disappointing, isn't it?
01:30That is disappointing.
01:31Upcoming?
01:32Yeah, it's rather American, isn't it?
01:33Still, uh, it goes on.
01:35Apart from yourself, the shortlist includes Arthur Holt, Reading's Mr Ball Bearings.
01:42Elspeth Reid, deputy to the deputy-deputy of the Chobham Conservative Party.
01:47And Sally Cook, who is an Olympic athlete, is that right?
01:50Oh, come on, everyone knows who Sally Cook is.
01:52Sorry, OK.
01:53And the winner will be the one who, in the opinion of the judges,
01:57comes up with the best slogan.
02:02Slogan?
02:02Yes, you have to say, in not more than ten words,
02:05why you think the Queen is both marvellous and important.
02:11Right, well...
02:11Well, come on, Hugh, you're a words man.
02:13Have a go.
02:14Can't be that hard.
02:14You're going into ten words.
02:15Not more than.
02:16Um, right.
02:17I think the Queen is both marvellous and important because...
02:21That's it.
02:23What?
02:24Ten words.
02:26I think the Queen is both marvellous and important because...
02:29Yeah.
02:30It's got sort of a ring to it.
02:32Yeah.
02:33It's not overstated.
02:34No, no, she'd like that, the Queen.
02:35It's a very, very understated woman.
02:37Terribly understated.
02:38But discreetly understated.
02:39Oh, yes, discreetly.
02:39She'd never fall into the easy trap of overstating her understatedness.
02:44Very like Sally Cook, actually.
02:45Yes.
02:45I think the Queen and Sally Cook will get on very well.
02:48That's too much, isn't it?
02:48Let's face it, Sally Cook's got it, hasn't she?
02:50She'll win the NBA.
02:51Yeah, yeah.
02:52Well, ladies and gentlemen, a big, a bit hand for Sally Cook, captain of the British Winter
02:58Olympic synchronised losing team.
03:10This is Dominic Applegard.
03:13Dominic Applegard is unhappy.
03:18When Dominic Applegard was three months old, his mother left him.
03:25Dominic Applegard always felt different from the other boys at school.
03:29He felt apart, somehow separate, unlike them.
03:35Do you see, not the same?
03:41Dominic's father died when he was only seven.
03:48Dominic developed a passion for broadcaster and TV personality, Bob Wholeness.
03:58He vowed to strive always to be worthy of him.
04:06Dominic wears a hat in an odd but caring way.
04:10He can trust him with a peony and a cod.
04:22Dominic Applegard designed the M25.
04:29If there were any justice in this world, Esther Ransom would be queen.
04:34Luckily, there isn't.
04:36Well, you see, it's a sensitive area, isn't it?
04:38It's a very, very sensitive area.
04:40That's why I very rarely rub it.
04:47Hello there.
04:48I am Rhodes Boyson.
04:51Good evening.
04:52My name is Rhodes Boyson.
04:54We are the Rhodes Boysons.
04:56And this is our hour.
04:58An hour in which phrases...
05:00Phrases, certainly.
05:01Yes, certainly phrases.
05:02Phrases such as centres of excellence will be much in evidence.
05:04The phrase centre of excellence will be mostly evidenced.
05:08And by centre of excellence, we mean...
05:10We mean primarily...
05:11Primarily, that is.
05:12A centre that is...
05:14By and large...
05:15By and large...
05:15And largely...
05:16Excellent in some regard.
05:18In some regard or other.
05:20In some or other regard.
05:22That is what we mean by centre of excellence.
05:24I hope that's cleared that one up.
05:26Another word that cannot be stressed enough is standards.
05:29Standards, as in standards of excellence,
05:31standards, moral standards, and standards of accountability.
05:35Standards of accountability.
05:37Oh, I love that one.
05:38Yes.
05:39Be prepared also for this phrase.
05:41Working to improve the lot of small businesses.
05:43Careful.
05:44Careful.
05:45Careful.
05:46Careful.
05:46Careful.
05:46That's not working to improve a lot of small businesses.
05:50That's working to improve the lot of small businesses.
05:53So, for the time being, we'll leave you with these three marvellous phrases.
05:57Centres of excellence.
05:58That's centres of excellence.
06:00Standards of accountability.
06:02Standards of accountability.
06:03I do love that one.
06:04I shall be using that one in bed tonight.
06:06And working to improve the lot.
06:08Careful.
06:09Careful.
06:10The lot of small businesses.
06:14So, it's buh-bye from Rhodes Boyson.
06:17And it's buh-bye from Rhodes Boyson.
06:19We trust that you have enjoyed our hour.
06:26It just picked me up and started to slap me really hard.
06:30I cried and cried, but he didn't take any notice.
06:32Then he put a plastic tag around my wrist, cut my umbilical cord and put me in a cot.
06:41Mr. Kerniff?
06:43Mr. Kerniff?
06:44Mr. Kerniff, how are you feeling?
06:45Where am I?
06:47You probably don't remember, Mr. Kerniff, but you were in an accident.
06:50A van?
06:51No, an accident.
06:54You were on your bicycle and you were hit?
06:56By a van?
06:57That's right.
06:58Hmm.
06:59Am I all right?
06:59Oh, you're going to be fine, Mr. Kerniff.
07:01Lots of drink and plenty of hot sleep.
07:03Right.
07:05I'm afraid to say, however, that you did sustain a very serious injury to your genitals.
07:11Oh, dear.
07:12Oh, as you rightly say, dear.
07:15So serious, in fact, that we were forced to remove them.
07:19Genitals?
07:20Oh, no.
07:21Oh, as you didn't rightly say, yes.
07:28However, will I manage?
07:30Well, did you use them often, Mr. Kerniff?
07:33No, but it was nice to know they were there.
07:36Well, I shouldn't worry too much, Mr. Kerniff.
07:38Medical science has advanced a great deal.
07:40Prosthetic and substitutes legs, arms, even noses are now really quite commonplace.
07:46You supply substitute genitals?
07:51Say hello to killer, Mr. Kerniff.
07:55I don't want a dog's genitals, I haven't seen.
07:59What an almost amusing misunderstanding, Mr. Kerniff.
08:03No, no, no.
08:04No, killer here will simply be your substitute for having genitals.
08:10Beg your pardon?
08:11Oh, surely you've seen people walking around with Dobermans before?
08:13Yes.
08:14Well, for men who have no genitals,
08:16the ownership of a Doberman or similarly violent animal
08:19acts as an important psychological crutch.
08:24And I stress the word important.
08:28What about making love?
08:30Oh, I'm sure killer will be on for that, won't you?
08:32Oh, yes.
08:33Now, in addition, we will also be supplying you with a diving watch,
08:38a year's subscription to guns and ammo,
08:42and this camouflage combat jacket.
08:44Oh, yes, and these will also be yours.
08:46What are they?
08:47Keys to your rusty white van.
08:49It's parked outside.
08:51Doctor?
08:51Yes, Mr. Kerniff?
08:53I appreciate that you're trying to help here,
08:55but I also used my genitals for, you know, expelling urine.
09:00Oh, but Mr. Kerniff, that's the beauty of the whole system.
09:02When people see you in a combat jacket,
09:05driving around in a rusty white van with killer here in the back,
09:07the piss will be taken out of you constantly.
09:12Anyway, I was very reasonable.
09:13I said to the bank manager,
09:14you know, come on, it takes two to tango.
09:16And he said, yeah, but it only takes one
09:19to get out of my office and never come back.
09:33Pretty.
09:37Oh, good heavens, Jack.
09:38I didn't see you there.
09:40Good evening, Freddie.
09:42Well, good evening, Jack.
09:44Mm-hmm.
09:45Now then, Freddie, you're a decent sort of chap.
09:49Oh, well, yes, I mean so, Jack, yes.
09:52I try to be a decent sort of chap, yes.
09:55Can I ask you a question, Freddie?
09:58Ask a way, Jack.
09:59Ask a bloody way.
10:00Are you one of us?
10:02Am I?
10:04One of us?
10:05Yes.
10:06Am I one of us?
10:10Yes.
10:11Hmm.
10:11I'm not entirely sure.
10:14I understood your question, Jack.
10:15Let me put it another way.
10:17Oh, would you, Jack?
10:18Yes.
10:19Well, I'd be enormously grateful, yes.
10:21Do you believe in the cause?
10:23The cause?
10:24The cause of freedom.
10:27Well, Jack, I suppose, generally, yes.
10:31Yes, I do, yes.
10:32If anyone's passing the hat around for freedom, then I'll bung them a quid or two, Jack, yes.
10:38I thought so.
10:39I thought so from the first.
10:40Yes, I'm one of us, Jack, if you want to put it that way.
10:44Excellent.
10:45Phew.
10:46Well, we got there in the end, eh, Jack?
10:47Sorted that one out.
10:49Gets a bit more complicated now.
10:52Oh, well.
10:55Would you be prepared to do something in the cause of freedom?
11:00What, what, what, uh, what sort of thing, Jack?
11:02Uh, jumble sale?
11:04And out leaflets?
11:05What?
11:06Put a bomb in a restaurant.
11:09Put a bomb in a restaurant?
11:12Oh, I can't.
11:14Um, and leave it there, you mean?
11:18Leave it there.
11:19That's right.
11:20Yes, yes.
11:21You don't mean, uh, put it there, have a spot of lunch, and then take it out again.
11:26No.
11:27I mean, leave it there.
11:29Huh?
11:30Until it goes off.
11:32Precisely.
11:34Do you think you could manage that, Freddy?
11:36In the cause of freedom?
11:42Oh, Jack.
11:45Jack, I wonder if you wouldn't mind, sort of, joining up the dots for me, if you like.
11:50If it'll make it easier for you.
11:52I think it will, Jack.
11:54I think it will.
11:54Yeah, because unless I fainted and missed a whole chunk of the conversation,
12:01we were sitting here, you and I, having a nice old chat, nice old chat,
12:04putting the world to rights, and so on,
12:06and then, suddenly, you're asking me to put a bomb in a restaurant.
12:11That's right.
12:12Yes, well, those are the two dots I'd like you to join up, Jack.
12:17The nice chat and the bomb in the restaurant.
12:20Just, just join him up for me.
12:21There's a good fellow.
12:22All right, then, Freddy.
12:26There are certain people who do not believe in the cause.
12:31They don't believe in freedom, you mean?
12:33That's right.
12:34Oh, utter swine.
12:36Right.
12:37Hmm.
12:38And they, uh, they eat in a particular restaurant, do they, Jack?
12:42Some of them will be eating in a particular restaurant on a particular day, yes.
12:46Ah, well, Jack, sorry to stop you, but, uh, I have an idea.
12:51Yes?
12:51Yes, well, well, you know who these people are?
13:24Yes.
13:25Well, I bet you anything we could have them believing in freedom by the time the pudding
13:28arise.
13:29Eh?
13:29What do you say, Jack?
13:31I don't think that'll quite do, Freddy.
13:33It won't quite do.
13:34All right, Jack, all right, how about this?
13:36Um, we pretend, we pretend to put a bomb in the restaurant.
13:41Freddy.
14:08Um, yes, yes, Jack?
14:11It's up to you.
14:12Oh, yes.
14:27Oh, hell.
14:42Five moons of Tregloss 14.
14:45Oh, dear me, dear me, indeed, I can now.
14:49Oh, certainly, yes, yes.
14:50Zutron, Mame, Front Thane, Sneet, and Palstrican.
14:55You know, I was not far distant yesterday from thinking that I'd uncovered a minor but definite
14:59inconsistency in the meme-stiff trilogy.
15:02Say on.
15:03Well, you know how in the cold planet, Flixnare announces the three rules of the galactic quest.
15:09Well, I hope I wasn't so, I hope I wasn't so arsehole last night as to forget that.
15:15It says that any voyager who breaks a rule, yes, who will be disqualified from the quest
15:21and recolonised to the quiet zone.
15:24True.
15:25Yes, well, in return of the souk people, Fringo breaks the second rule by communicating with
15:30an empath from a stained quadrant.
15:32Yet he's never disqualified, is he?
15:34That's exceptionally true, as a matter of fact.
15:37I wonder if it might be worth writing to Jim Willis and pointing out that inconsistency.
15:41Well, I fully intend so to do.
15:45Well, anyway, in answer to your question...
15:47Steffi Graf.
15:49And I don't know.
15:52Thank you, thank you, thank you.
15:53This next song is a big hit for Harry in France, but now I make the change with it for
16:01the English
16:02speaking.
16:03When your eyes are stubborn, too many behind the cupboard, underneath your nose, in all my little
16:21moonshine butter.
16:29They've got a bigger table than we have.
16:31Come on, Stuart, this is fine.
16:33No, look, there are two of them.
16:35They've got a bigger table.
16:35There are four of us.
16:36Look at this.
16:36Oh, Stuart, for heaven's sake, a table's a table.
16:39Darling.
16:40Well, Jill, there we differ.
16:42You and I, to me, there are tables, and there are tables.
16:44Am I right, Gordon?
16:45Well, you know me, Stuart.
16:46Table is as table does.
16:51What it is, Poppet, is cramped.
16:54You should have used my name when you booked.
16:56Well, I did.
16:57What?
16:57Mr. Poppet?
17:02Oh, good evening, sir.
17:05Good evening.
17:07Table for bomb, please.
17:09Excuse me?
17:12Yes, table for one.
17:15Sorry, a bit nervous.
17:16I've never actually eaten.
17:23Well, you have chosen the perfect place to start.
17:26Have I?
17:28Follow me, please.
17:35So, what did we think of the show?
17:36Loved it.
17:37Thought it was really nice.
17:38Me too.
17:39High-quality entertainment.
17:41Yeah, well, I'm going to come right out and say it's, you know,
17:43that, to me, Geoffrey Archer is the finest playwright this country's turned out
17:47since, uh, since William Shakespeare.
17:50That's a hell of a statement, Steve.
17:52Well, I'm going to go one further, Gordon.
17:54To me, Geoffrey Archer delivers.
17:55Oh, the guy can write, no question.
17:58Delivers, does he?
18:00I beg your pardon, Jill?
18:00Come on, darling, you know what he means.
18:02No, it's all right.
18:03Thank you, Gordon.
18:04I can fight my own battles.
18:06What he delivers, Jill, to my mind, is, uh, is quality drama.
18:11Um, okay, it's a little dangerous.
18:14Um, okay, it's not something that your average Joe punter is going to find all that accessible,
18:18but in the market he's working to, he delivers.
18:21And Gordon will tell you that that's a compliment I use very sparingly indeed.
18:25It's true, I see, Jill.
18:25It's true.
18:27Stuart is not the kind of man to bandy the word deliver around the place.
18:30Yeah, well, thank you, Gordon.
18:31I thought the sets were marvellous.
18:33They're really clever, weren't they, Puppet?
18:35Oh, yeah, and the costumes, they were fantastic.
18:38Sorry, they were wearing suits, weren't they?
18:41Well, this is where, this is where Geoffrey Archer is so strong, you see, in his observation.
18:45Um, he's observed that in an office, a large number of people wear suits, isn't that right, Gordon?
18:49Absolutely, Stuart.
18:50Yeah, well, you see, he's observed that, you see.
18:53I mean, the guy's got an eye for detail, like, um, well, there's no one like him in my book.
18:57Um, to be fair to myself, Stuart, I'd observed that people in offices wear suits, too.
19:02Uh, no, no, no, you hadn't, Gordon.
19:04You see, you can only say that after you've seen the play.
19:06If I'd asked you before the play, you know, what people wear in offices, you wouldn't have had a clue.
19:11Oh, I think I would have said suits.
19:13No, you wouldn't, Gordon.
19:14I think I would.
19:15No, you wouldn't.
19:16I would, I would.
19:18Oh, now, now, wait a minute, look, that, that bloke came in after us and they're taking his order.
19:22What would you like, sir?
19:24Ah, crikey, yes.
19:26Uh, what, is something the matter, sir?
19:29Um, well, how many lavatories have we got here?
19:33Oh, just once, sir, over there.
19:35Yes, yes, I, I've tried that one.
19:37It's no good.
19:38No bloody good.
19:41Oh, the, the cistern, it's too close to the wall.
19:45You can't get anything between the cistern and the wall.
19:48Oh, hell.
19:51Are you ready to order, sir?
19:53What order?
19:54Yes, well, to be perfectly honest, I'm not awfully hungry.
19:58Well, may I recommend a salad?
20:00Perhaps a smoked chicken salad?
20:02It makes a perfect light meal.
20:04Yes, well, yes, that sounds awfully good.
20:06Awfully good.
20:06Tell you what, though, instead of that, I think I'll just have a glass of water.
20:11Just a glass of water, sir?
20:13Oh, Lord, no, no, make the bottle.
20:15Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
20:16No, um, tell you what, half a dozen bottles.
20:18Hmm?
20:18I mean, you only live once, don't you?
20:21Very good, sir.
20:23Oh, hell.
20:24Hold my legs up, skywood, for you to smell just as I would.
20:36Leaves the carpet bare, and never let our ears be rotten.
20:55Too late, too big, too wide, too comfy.
21:06Good evening, sir.
21:07Ah, good evening.
21:08I'd like to order some soup to start.
21:10Ah, wait a minute.
21:11What?
21:12Oh, good Lord.
21:13Yeah, you're Keith Bennett, aren't you?
21:14The, the, the government minister?
21:16Well, as a matter of fact, I am, yes.
21:18I thought so.
21:19I knew it.
21:20Oh, Mr. Bennett, this is wonderful.
21:21I have to say I'm a great admirer of you and your policies.
21:24Really?
21:24Oh, for definite.
21:25Um, can I recommend the halibut, by the way?
21:27It comes in a nice black butter sauce.
21:29Oh, thank you.
21:30Yeah, because you, you steered that, uh, broadcasting bill through the House of Commons, didn't you?
21:34Yes, I did indeed.
21:36Brilliant.
21:36Quite brilliant.
21:37Well, I must say, this is really most gratifying.
21:40Uh, so you really do admire my policies?
21:42Yeah, well, most people don't like you, though.
21:44No, no, no.
21:45It's just that, uh, well, you know what it is.
21:47Uh, we aren't always the most popular of people, we politicians.
21:50Yeah, yeah, you must get used to people calling you a complete dickhead, I suppose.
21:55No, not exactly.
21:56Oh, no.
21:57Oh, that speech you made about, um, deregularizing broadcasting.
22:01Oh, I cheered for you that night, Mr. Bennett.
22:04Uh, uh, we must strive to offer the consumer a far greater range of choice.
22:10For too long, broadcasting has been in the grip of a small elite.
22:13We must expand and offer more choice.
22:16Good heavens.
22:17You've remembered it word for word.
22:19Well, it was masterly stuff, Mr. Bennett.
22:22I mean, oh, my God.
22:24What?
22:25Your cutlery.
22:26What's wrong?
22:26A silver knife and fork.
22:28I can't believe it.
22:29These are rather nice.
22:30I mean, they're not dirty, are they?
22:31Oh, this should happen to you, of all people.
22:33I am so sorry.
22:34I'll be right back.
22:34But they were fine.
22:39Of course.
22:41Moulin-X.
22:42What?
22:43All the way through, I was trying to think where I'd seen the actress before.
22:47She's the one in the Moulin-X advert.
22:48Oh, that's right.
22:49Yes, the one about the blender.
22:50That's it?
22:51Well, the wife.
22:54Sorry?
22:55The actress who played the wife is in some sort of advert at the moment, is she?
22:59Uh...
23:00Hello?
23:01Laura, wake up!
23:02The actress in the play who was playing the wife that we just saw tonight.
23:06You're saying she's in an advert at the moment.
23:09The wife?
23:09Yes.
23:10Um, actually, Stuart, she was playing his daughter.
23:15Hold on, I'm probably getting her confused with someone.
23:17Wait a minute.
23:18Uh...
23:19Uh...
23:19There was only one woman in the play, Stuart.
23:23And she was his daughter, Puppet.
23:25That was sort of the idea of the entire evening, Stuart.
23:31Yeah, daughter.
23:32What did I say?
23:33You said wife.
23:35Did I?
23:37Three times.
23:40This table is definitely smaller, you know.
23:42I mean, all these other ones.
23:43Good luck.
23:44Hey, look.
23:46That man over there.
23:47Isn't he...
23:47He's in the government, isn't he?
23:49Isn't he a cabinet minister or something?
23:50It's Keith Bennett.
23:51Got it.
23:52Roy Hattersley.
23:53You're quite right, Gordon.
23:57I do apologise.
23:59Apologise for what?
24:00I mean, the fork and knife were fine.
24:02Oh, it's very kind of you, sir, but I absolutely insist.
24:05What?
24:06What's...
24:06What's the difference?
24:07Your cutlery, sir.
24:09Cutlery?
24:10But these are plastic coffee stirrers.
24:12Yes, I know, but at least you've got the choice now, haven't you?
24:15I mean, they may be complete crap, but at least you've got the choice, haven't you?
24:18And that's so important, isn't it?
24:19And the choice, you mad distracted bastard!
24:23What are you doing to our television system?
24:25What are you doing to our television system?
24:26I've got to tell you!
24:27God, you bastard!
24:30That politician man is being strangled by a waiter.
24:32God, I hate you.
24:33I'm going to kill you, you bastard!
24:34This has got a decent-sized table.
24:37Anyway, to return to the play, I have to say that although the acting was really good...
24:42How marvellous acting.
24:43Yeah, I do think the play would have benefited from having a Paul Eddington in it.
24:47A, Paul Eddington?
24:48Well, ideally the Paul Eddington.
24:50Isn't he wonderful?
24:51Yeah, well, you see, the thing about Paul Eddington, of course, is his timing.
24:55Ah, his timing is just so...
24:56Well, it's the timing of a master.
24:59A friend of mine's sister married Paul Eddington's doctor.
25:02You never told me that, Gordon.
25:03Well, you know, one doesn't like to boast.
25:07Apparently, it's well known that Paul Eddington has the second-best timing in the business
25:12after Nigel Havers.
25:16What is, um, timing exactly?
25:19Well, time is...
25:21It's a bit difficult to explain to a woman, Jill, but, um...
25:25Timing is basically the magic ingredient that Paul Eddington's got.
25:30What is it?
25:31Well, I'd like to know that, too, I must say.
25:35Uh, I know your doctor's brother-in-law.
25:41Oh, nice.
25:43Uh, yes, well...
25:44Well, we were just explaining to our wives
25:46that, uh, well, you've got amongst the best timing in show business.
25:50Oh, well, after Nigel Havers.
25:52I've got a level of this, Paul.
25:54Would you class your timing as, uh, as good?
25:56Very good?
25:57Uh, extremely good?
25:59Or immaculate?
26:03Well...
26:05Um, hello, look, uh, excuse me, everyone.
26:09Ha, ha, sorry to bother you, and, uh, all that sort of filth.
26:13Um, oh, nearly forgot.
26:15Uh, long live freedom.
26:16Ah, no, no, the thing is, uh, there's a bomb.
26:21Uh, yeah, I know.
26:23Rotten, isn't it?
26:23Ah, ha, ha, no, the thing is, uh, it is about to go off,
26:27so, I don't know, I'd like to leave.
26:31That's right, this way.
26:32Yes, this way, this way, this way, this way, this way, please.
26:36Oh, twikey, my bill!
26:51You know, I think they like me.
27:06Ladies and gentlemen, oh, that, ah, no, yes.
27:08I wonder if you recognise, uh, that from Where Eagles Dare.
27:11There's a scene in Where Eagles Dare.
27:13Where, uh...
27:14Ha.
27:15Where Richard Burton is, uh, is pretending to be a German agent.
27:20Uh, well, in actual fact, what he's doing is,
27:21he's trying to find out the names of all the German agents working in England.
27:25And, uh, the funny thing is,
27:28he says, that happened to me the other day.
27:30Did it?
27:31Yes, it did, yes.
27:32It's funny, I guess, things from films were always happening to me.
27:34There was, um, do you know the scene in War Games
27:37where, uh, the scientist calls the Air Force General
27:40a pig-eyed sack of shit?
27:43That happened to me.
27:44Someone, someone called me that the other day.
27:46And, um, uh, Fatal Attraction.
27:50I almost sued when that came out.
27:52I mean, that could have been made about me.
27:53It's incredible.
27:54You were persecuted by a one-night stand, were you?
27:57No, no, no, no.
27:58You silly.
27:59No.
27:59I went to bed with Glenn Close, though.
28:03That's ridiculous.
28:04Yes, it is ridiculous, yes.
28:06Went to bed with Michael Douglas.
28:08You went to bed with Michael Douglas?
28:10Well, in a sense.
28:11In what sense?
28:12Completely made-up, untrue sense.
28:15Yes.
28:16Well, I'd been to bed with Michael Douglas in that sense.
28:18Really?
28:19Well, nibbled his toes.
28:22What was it like?
28:23Great.
28:23He was very sensitive and caring.
28:25But I will tell you, ladies and gentlemen,
28:27a really true thing that actually did happen to me,
28:29and this is rather interesting.
28:30I was sprawled in bed with Kathleen Turner and David Vine,
28:35and suddenly the most remarkable thing happened.
28:38Immaculate, I'd say.
28:40Now, what do I make you guys?
28:49I'm ready.
28:49Good animations.
28:53Good stuff.
28:58Good tips.
28:59Goodçons.
29:02Good happiness.
29:06Good life.
29:09Good happiness.