- 6 days ago
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00:00I love you
00:30Go, go, go, go
01:00What's wrong with your brother?
01:10No, it's scary, too.
01:13Oh, oh, no, oh, no, oh.
01:17It's alright.
01:18It's alright.
01:20It's alright.
01:20Oh, oh, no, oh.
01:21Oh, oh, oh.
01:22Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:22Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:22Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:24See?
01:28Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:30Uh huh.
01:30Uh heeuh.
01:32Huh.
01:34Uh eh niphe, in the family.
01:37Um huh.
01:40Oh non.
01:44PEEL SIGHS
01:47Whoooa.
01:51HUH AA탉
01:53I
02:20Clothing
02:23Crunk
02:25Shote
02:27Cucking
02:28Skank
02:30Fusk
02:31Pimp Slider
02:33We won't get to use that one, won't we?
02:36No, if you remember, that's, you know, it's a bit too much.
02:39What, Pimp Slider?
02:40Shhh, yes.
02:41Oh, sorry, right.
02:42And lastly, Pimhole.
02:45Ha!
02:47So, here it is, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome our first sketch crammed with these vicious swear words.
02:54Um, now then, Sergeant Henderson, perhaps you'd care to tell the court what the accused said at the moment of
02:59arrest.
03:00Yes, sir. May I consult my notes, my lord?
03:02Certainly, certainly, certainly, by all means, yes.
03:06I, uh, I apprehended the accused and advised him of his rights. Uh, he replied, why don't you ram it
03:12up your Pimhole, you fusking cloth prunker.
03:18Now, forgive my ignorance, Mr. Clarkson, but what exactly is a cloth prunker?
03:22Um, well, my lord, it's a, um...
03:24Yes?
03:25An illicit practice whereby one person...
03:27Well?
03:28Um, whereby one person, uh, frangulates another's plimp, my lord.
03:35Silence!
03:36He does what?
03:37He or she gratifies the other party by smuctating them avially.
03:42Oh!
03:43John!
03:44How absolutely disgusting!
03:46Do people really do that sort of thing?
03:47I believe so, my lord.
03:49Very well, carry on.
03:50Thank you, my lord.
03:51Um, so, uh, Sergeant Henderson.
03:53After you arrested the accused, you took him to the police station.
03:56Do you have a transcript of the interrogation that ensued?
03:58I have, sir, yes.
03:59Um, I asked him if he could explain his whereabouts on the night in question.
04:03Uh, he replied, I was in all night, wasn't I?
04:06You pimp slider.
04:08Pimp slider?
04:09Uh, yes, my lord.
04:10Oh, thank you, Mr. Clarkson.
04:11I'm not entirely ignorant in these matters.
04:13Uh, make a pardon for that.
04:15I did go to Winchester, you know.
04:18Um, so, um, Sergeant.
04:21Um, he said, uh, skank off, you cloffing cuck.
04:25You're all a load of shoatbag fuskers.
04:29So, prank that up your prime ministering pimhole.
04:34And what did you say to that, sir?
04:36Uh, I told him to mind his f***ing language, my lord.
04:40You bloody well think so.
04:45Well, I thought the whole thing was, um, disgusting.
04:50I thought the whole thing was simply disgusting.
04:52Yes, did you ever...
04:52There was no warning given, uh, uh, as to what was in store.
04:56Uh, none whatsoever.
04:57We have the producer with us.
04:59Now, for goodness sake, what, what if my children had been watching?
05:01Hmm?
05:01I mean, no thought had been given to this at all.
05:03Did your children actually see the programme?
05:05No, no, no, no.
05:06They, no, they didn't.
05:07They didn't see it, no.
05:08But only thanks to the purest good fortune,
05:11that they don't actually happen to have been born yet.
05:13Um, otherwise, I, I dread to think what damage may have been caused.
05:18It was simply disgusting.
05:20Yes, I think-
05:21Simply disgusting!
05:23Shelley?
05:25Simply.
05:26Disgusting!
05:27Steve is the producer.
05:30Do you feel, Colin, that you-
05:32Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
05:35This is obviously a very, um, very difficult problem.
05:39Perhaps it might help if I explain that I don't give a flying toss about Mrs. Batts.
05:48I beg your pardon.
05:50No, I've only got an estimated 47 years left on this planet.
05:56I don't propose to waste any more of them in idle chatter with a confused old gas bag right here.
06:03So, I'd like to talk to a friend about making another programme, which I fully expect and hope will irritate
06:08you and your half-witted friends even more. Goodbye.
06:15So, Mrs. Barrett, are you satisfied with what you've heard?
06:22Well, not really, no. Tough.
06:25Colin Esdell, a last word from you?
06:28Pimhole.
06:29I had shares in gas, water, electricity, the lot. But then the government sold them all, unfortunately.
06:36Yes, I've had sexual intercourse with her. Yes.
06:39But only in the biblical sense.
06:46Ah, good morning.
06:48Sir, it is a good morning.
06:51Sir is handsomely right to say so.
06:54Yes, right.
06:56Was sir aware, I'm in the business of wondering, that I made so bold as to remark to the youngest
07:01of my mothers earlier today on the goodness of the morning as she wheeled me into an upright position?
07:06Was sir in an awareness of that?
07:10Ah, no, no, I had no idea.
07:11Here is a morning, mother of my bosom, I averred, as fine and crisp and gutty as any since the
07:17days that Compton and Eddridge opened for England, and the sun never went down on the British without asking permission
07:23first.
07:26Did you?
07:27Sir, I did.
07:28I did, sir.
07:29And if two broad-shouldered, long-fingered young men such as ourselves can come independently to the conclusion that the
07:35mourning they are currently experiencing is one of a goodness, then one of a goodness it most assuredly is.
07:42Really?
07:42Really, sir, and you can spank me quietly with the chamois leather of it, isn't it, sir?
07:48Aha.
07:49But sir didn't come into this shop to trade insults with me on the state of the morning, unless I
07:53am more vastly mistaken than a man who thinks that Hilaire Belloc is still alive.
07:58No, no, I've...
07:59Do sit down, sir.
08:01Oh.
08:01Thank you very much.
08:02Um...
08:03No, sir has brought his fine, efficiently-wrought young frame into this shop with the express purpose of going about
08:10the business of buying some jewellery.
08:13Am I close to the mark?
08:14Uh, yes.
08:15That's more or less right, yes.
08:17Do you mind if we stand up, sir?
08:20I think perhaps your sitting-down idea was a little ahead of its time.
08:25Um, yes, now the thing is, um, I'm getting engaged next week.
08:28Would you like an opal fruit?
08:32A nice strawberry opal fruit, or indeed any flavour?
08:35Ah, well, yes, yes, that'd be very nice, thank you.
08:38I won't be long.
08:44Where are you going?
08:45Where am I going?
08:46Yes.
08:47Uh, there is a sweet shop not two miles away from here.
08:50And I happen to know that they sell opal fruits.
08:53No, no, no, no, really, don't bother.
08:55Don't bother?
08:56No, really.
08:56Is sir in absolute possession of sureness in this regard?
08:59Eh, I just came in here for an engagement ring.
09:02I merely thought that if you, you know, if you had an opal fruit on you...
09:04On me?
09:05Sir, I have no opal fruit on me.
09:07I can and will go further.
09:09I have never had an opal fruit on me.
09:11Perhaps sir would like to check the top of my head if he remains unconvinced.
09:14No, look, can we just forget about the opal fruit?
09:16The opal fruit is irrelevant.
09:17Can we just concentrate on the engagement ring?
09:19Sir, I am chastened and bowed.
09:22Ever the man of affairs, sir, has reminded us all.
09:24All of our duty.
09:26An engagement ring for sir.
09:28That's right.
09:28What flavour of engagement ring have you in mind?
09:32Flavour?
09:32What are you talking about?
09:33Just my little joke.
09:34You'll humour a dying man.
09:36We have a large range of engagement rings which I would ask sir to cast over with sir's eyes,
09:42which I cannot help but notice are of a startling cobalt blue that would go very well with the wallpaper
09:46in one of my godniece's back rooms.
09:49Right, I'm leaving.
09:50How about this one, sir?
09:51What?
09:52This one here, sir.
09:55Er, what?
09:56Yes, that's quite nice.
09:58Sir, the issue of the quite niceness of this particular ring has been raised in Prime Minister's Question Time.
10:05Well, how much is this one?
10:06I would be wrong to let it go for more than 40,000 of your earth pounds.
10:12What?
10:1540,000 pounds?
10:17I would be equally at fault if I let it go for less than 90.
10:22Right, so, it's between 40,000 pounds and 90.
10:25Sir is as dogged in his pursuit of detail as Roy Walker, presenter of the never popular catchphrase,
10:32is dogged in his pursuit of a thick earlet.
10:34No.
10:36Yes.
10:37Perhaps you could, in preference to me walking out of here just after hitting you very hard in the face,
10:42just tell me the frigging price.
10:44What?
10:45Since, sir, has been kind enough never to be Peter Sissons, I can let him have it for 218 Poundingtons.
10:53218 pounds?
10:56218 pounds, that should be.
10:59That's what I said.
11:00That's what you said.
11:01That's what you said.
11:01I barely spoke at all.
11:03Right, well, could you put it in a presentation box, please?
11:06There's no need, sir.
11:06I'll wear it straight away.
11:09I beg your pardon?
11:10And I really think you should talk to Father. He's upstairs in the cellar.
11:15Right, no, I really am leaving.
11:17Leaving? But we're engaged.
11:18Goodbye.
11:21Men are such bastards.
11:26I can still remember my first ever girlfriend.
11:31Her name was Latifa.
11:34And she was something like the chief engineer on a Syrian minesweeper.
11:41I met her at a party in High Wycombe.
11:42Nice girl.
11:43Bit soppy, but nice.
11:46And then there was Judith.
11:49Judith was amazing.
11:51I met her, let me see, at the semi-final of the Daily Telegraph crossword competition.
12:00I can't remember when.
12:02Peterborough, I think it must have been.
12:04And she cheated, I'm afraid.
12:06She had a dictionary hidden in her tights.
12:09But then so did I.
12:11And she was...
12:14Judith worked for the Bader-Meinhof group.
12:17I don't know, the secretary or something.
12:20But she was the one who introduced me to Lola, who I eventually married.
12:24Quite an accident, as it happens.
12:25Lola was flying VC-10s for British Airways.
12:28Or B-O-A-C, as it was then.
12:32And I was on board when she did this emergency landing in Helsinki.
12:37Because of an undercarriage failure or something.
12:39And I went forward to congratulate her on this brilliant piece of flying.
12:43And she didn't speak any English at all.
12:46And I only have a smattering of Hebrew.
12:50So it wasn't until the next day that I realised that I'd actually mistakenly asked her to marry me.
12:55She died at the ceremony.
12:58Which is very sad, because I really did love her.
13:00She was in her 80s or...
13:03Early 90s, if that might have been.
13:04So it was a good evening.
13:08And then after Lola, there was...
13:13Felicity.
13:14Who was, I suppose...
13:16I suppose you'd call her a piss artist.
13:19Um...
13:19I mean, she really was a piss artist.
13:21She used to adorb these enormous canvases with urine.
13:26Um...
13:26Not hers, I don't think.
13:28I could be wrong.
13:29Dora.
13:31Who...
13:31I don't really remember much about Dora, except that she was...
13:35Immensely tall.
13:36She was well over seven feet tall.
13:38Yeah, really tall.
13:42Um...
13:42Oh, yes.
13:44She used to have these sneezing fits whenever she went to the theatre.
13:47It was only the theatre that did it, funnily enough.
13:49Because I remember we, um...
13:51We had tickets to see the second night of Look Back in Anger in Lisbon.
13:57And, um...
13:57You know, almost before it had started.
13:59There she was, just sneezing away.
14:00We left...
14:02Couldn't... didn't see any of it.
14:03Still hadn't seen it.
14:04Uh, then after Dora, I don't know what you see.
14:08Who came after that?
14:09Hmm...
14:10It's weird, isn't it?
14:12I mean...
14:12Where did they find these people?
14:14I know.
14:15Huh?
14:15I mean...
14:16Nobody has actually come out of a barber shop looking like that.
14:20Hmm...
14:21Oh, well.
14:21Anyway.
14:25Uh...
14:25Now, ladies and gentlemen.
14:28Mystery objects.
14:29I wonder how many of you can guess what this is?
14:33Uh...
14:33Any ideas, Stephen?
14:34Hmm...
14:35No, not really.
14:36No.
14:36Oh, unless, um...
14:38Ah.
14:39Are we going back to 1974?
14:411974.
14:41That's absolutely right.
14:42Yes.
14:43Um, ladies and gentlemen.
14:44This was one of the stars of an episode of Doctor Who.
14:47Uh, way back in 1974.
14:49Uh, this was one of the, uh, Wondarks from the Watay galaxy.
14:53Oh, well, it was the Wondark spaceship, wasn't it?
14:56Because the...
14:56It was...
14:56Yes, that's right.
14:57It was the spaceship.
14:58I'm sorry, yes.
14:58The Wondarks were played by packets of silk cut.
15:00That's right.
15:01Yes, yes.
15:02Anyway, um, I don't know if we can get a camera in really close here.
15:05Can we have a look at this?
15:06I don't know if you can see that, but this is actually made out of an old squeezy bottle.
15:12Um, it's, uh...
15:13I know it sort of gives away the illusion of it, but it's amazing to see what they can do,
15:17isn't it, really?
15:18They can create an alien world.
15:19Yeah.
15:20All for the price of a crap haircut.
15:28Hello.
15:29Morning.
15:29We're from the Westminster Society.
15:32It's a society, yes.
15:33And we wondered if we could come in and talk to you about our aims and the possibility of you
15:38joining us.
15:40Well...
15:41Well, thanks ever so much.
15:42Thanks very much.
15:44I say, what a lovely front room.
15:45It's a handsomely proportioned room.
15:47It's a lovely front room.
15:48Indeed.
15:48Very nice front room.
15:49Mm-hmm.
15:50Um, my name's Mr. Willis, by the way, and this is Mr. Barraclough.
15:54Barraclough is my name, yes.
15:55Mm.
15:56No relation, in case you were wondering.
15:59Sorry?
15:59We're not related, in case you thought we were.
16:02You may have thought, Max, that we were, but we're not.
16:03Why should you be?
16:04Well, we shouldn't be.
16:05That's what I'm saying.
16:06Shouldn't you be saying that we're not?
16:07I'm saying we shouldn't be related, and we're not.
16:09Yes, that's right.
16:10Hence the totally different names.
16:11That's really what I've got completely different names.
16:14So, what can I do for you?
16:15Well, as I say, we're thinking of founding a society.
16:22Perhaps he'd like to join us.
16:23And you may be interested in joining us, who knows?
16:25What is the society for?
16:29It's... well...
16:30Well, that's obviously one of the things we've got to look at.
16:36Well, all right, then.
16:37What is the point of the society?
16:39I mean, you've got to have a point, otherwise there's no point.
16:43That's a good point.
16:44It's a very good point.
16:45Yes, that's a good point.
16:46Well made.
16:47Mm.
16:47I mean, are you going to collect postage stamps, or...?
16:51Yes.
16:52Yes, we are.
16:53Yes, we are.
16:54Definitely, yes.
16:55Or are you going to practice Highland dancing?
16:58Yes.
16:59Yes, we do.
17:00Postage stamps and Highland dancing are very high on the society's agenda.
17:03There's nothing higher on the agenda than those two.
17:05But you don't know.
17:07Know what?
17:07Know what, precisely?
17:09You don't know for certain what society's going to be for.
17:12Well, we've made one or two notes.
17:13We have made one or two notes, yes.
17:15But, unfortunately, nothing to do with the society.
17:17No, on a complete matter.
17:19Hmm.
17:20So, to answer your question in the spirit in which it was asked...
17:23In that self-same spirit.
17:24We believe that the society should be run...
17:27...in the interests of its members, really.
17:31But, as we don't have any members, we don't really have any interests.
17:34You see, we have a lot of any members.
17:34So, our hands are tied.
17:36So, can we help?
17:38Can I make a suggestion?
17:40Oh, that's a good idea.
17:41Suggestions.
17:42Now, Eureka.
17:42Suggestions, yes.
17:43Tuesdays and Thursdays could be suggestion evenings.
17:46The perfect evening suggestions would be Tuesdays and Thursdays, yes.
17:47No, can I make a suggestion now?
17:49And that is that you come back when you've decided what the society is going to be for.
17:53Oh, I can't stand here talking all day.
17:55Now, that is a good idea.
17:56Now, that's...
17:57A society for people who can't stand here talking all day.
18:01They can't stand here talking all day and all night.
18:01I mean, when you think of the people who ring on your bell.
18:03Who knock on your bell, yes.
18:04That's right.
18:05Jehovah's Witnesses.
18:06Well, there are witnesses to the Jehovah's Incident.
18:07Charity collections.
18:10Estate agents.
18:10Estate agents.
18:11Small boys wanting their ball back.
18:13Small boys whose ball's accidentally gone over your fence back.
18:15Would you be interested in joining such a society?
18:18Um, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now.
18:21Excellent and wonderful.
18:22Yes, quite right too.
18:23Asking us to leave shows a definite and absolute commitment to the aims of a society
18:28for people who just can't stand here talking all day.
18:31You open the door and I want you to go.
18:34Oh, this is wonderful, wonderful commitment.
18:37I think I may have to ask you if you wouldn't mind being elected our treasurer.
18:40I'm going to shut the door now.
18:42Right.
18:44Well, that's one member of our society.
18:46Yes, one definite member for definite, yes.
18:48Shall we try next door?
18:49Why don't we try next door?
18:52Well, I'm supposed to have left the iron on them.
18:56Damn it, Peter.
18:58Thanks, John.
19:00This is, what can I say, this is good work.
19:02Well, I kind of hope we might be along the right lines there.
19:06Right lines.
19:07Damn it backwards into a narrow space, Peter.
19:10This is set to change the face of Utoxeter's service and leisure industry forever.
19:16Jill reckons that from that of full plans, ten days at the most.
19:20Which means we could have the whole thing up and running by the 29th.
19:23You mean?
19:24Exactly, John.
19:26The Derwent Enterprises board meeting.
19:28And with something like that nestling in your hip pocket, you could really kick some ass.
19:42What's up, John?
19:44I was just thinking, Peter, can you imagine how Marjorie is going to react to this?
19:50Well, I guess I'd say she's going to be wilder than a hungry hellcat in a tornado.
19:57That's putting it mildly, Peter.
19:59Is it?
20:02Yes, Sarah, what is it?
20:06Hold on.
20:07John, it's Marjorie.
20:10Marjorie?
20:11Choker the she-devil.
20:14What the hell?
20:15I'll take the call.
20:16It's not a call, John.
20:17She's outside, wants to see you.
20:20Marjorie, here.
20:22Check.
20:25Show her in, Sarah.
20:28John, are you out of your goddamn mind?
20:31We don't know what it's about, Peter.
20:33Go to hell with what it's about, John.
20:35Peter, we need to talk.
20:36Where and when?
20:37Round the table, right now.
20:38I'm on my way.
20:40John, listen.
20:41You and I, we bust our hump building up this health club with Marjorie gunning for us every inch of
20:47the way.
20:47Now you're just going to let us swat in here?
20:50Now listen to me, Peter.
20:51Oh, listen be damned, John.
20:53Do I have to remind you that that hell bitch fiend tried to break us in two?
20:58Peter.
20:59I'm not going to let you do it, John.
21:01Hello, John.
21:05Hello, Marjorie.
21:07Peter.
21:09Marjorie.
21:10I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
21:14I know.
21:14Well, that is, I, there was no, it just, I didn't.
21:17Are you all right, Peter?
21:18You look a little uncomfortable.
21:21Yeah, maybe I'll, maybe I'll go outside and get myself a bite of air.
21:25Yeah.
21:25The atmosphere in here seems to have got to my stomach.
21:33You, er, you look well, Marjorie.
21:36You look damn well.
21:39New breasts?
21:43Swiss.
21:44They suit you.
21:45I like what you've done to your hair.
21:47It looks much better there.
21:51Thanks, John.
21:52You look pretty fit yourself.
21:54Fit, yeah.
21:57That's one of the perks of running a health and leisure business, I guess, that is.
22:02If I do still run it.
22:04The meeting will decide, John, you know that.
22:07Yeah, but who will decide how the meeting goes, Marjorie?
22:10Damn it, old man Ashby's in your pocket, Dexter and O'Neill will do what you tell them,
22:15and Tim will, well, I guess Tim will jump with the tie.
22:18Do you still like it straight up?
22:22Ice.
22:23Two lumps.
22:25I do what I do for the boy, John, you know that.
22:28Yeah, the boy.
22:32Have you taught him to hate me, Marjorie?
22:35Hate you?
22:37Hate you?
22:38You'll never really know me, will you?
22:41Not if I live to be 300 here.
22:46Peter resents me.
22:49Seven dams and a fat blast, Marjorie!
22:52Haven't you given him cause enough?
22:54Haven't you kept shutting him out, making him feel an outsider?
22:57Do you need Peter?
23:00Do we need Peter?
23:02Damn it, Marjorie, what are you after?
23:06Yeah, what are you after?
23:07I just want you to know that whatever happens at that meeting this afternoon,
23:11it wasn't personal.
23:13Strictly business.
23:15I still like you, John.
23:17A lot.
23:19Come here, you, you, you Marjorie.
23:30I'll see you, round the boardroom table.
23:38Yeah, round the boardroom table.
23:40Oh, and Marjorie.
23:42Yes?
23:43Damn you to hell, you're one hell of a woman.
23:47I know.
23:49Well, you know where to find me.
23:53Marjorie, I...
23:55No, Lord, don't do it!
23:57Don't do it!
23:58Don't you see what she's trying to...
24:02I can't...
24:04Don't do it!
24:08I suppose they'll be saying Hitler was a racist next.
24:14Morris Stewart.
24:16And Jill Gascoigne.
24:17Neither of them wrote back.
24:19Can you believe these people?
24:20I mean, how much trouble can it be to just bung a pair of stockings in the post?
24:27Letters.
24:28Letters.
24:31More letters.
24:32More letters.
24:34Still more letters.
24:35Still more letters.
24:37Sorry, we'll be with you in a moment.
24:38We've just got some filing to do.
24:41Yes, but while you're waiting, why not sit back and relax to the sociable sound of Joe Loss and his
24:45orchestra.
24:49Still more letters again.
24:51More letters again.
24:56Yet further letters.
25:03Genital fungus.
25:04Genital fungus.
25:06Oh.
25:07Oh dear.
25:09No, that's a pity, isn't it?
25:10Yes.
25:10That's a great disappointment.
25:11So...
25:12Well, you know what this means, don't you?
25:14You know what this is?
25:15It's gonna mean letters.
25:16We mentioned genital fungus and some of you laughed.
25:21We're now gonna get hundreds of thousands of letters accusing us of making fun of genital fungus.
25:26Which is something we never have and never would do.
25:28Never.
25:29Some of, obviously some of you, quite a lot in fact, seem to find genital fungus, well, amusing in some
25:35way.
25:36You, you know, attempting to laugh at other people's misfortunes.
25:40My name is Stephen Fry and I'm an alcoholic.
25:44Here's one, there's one here.
25:45Oh, no.
25:46Here's one.
25:47I told him I was an alcoholic and he laughed.
25:50Alcoholism is one of the most serious and destructive conditions prevalent in this country.
25:53And you find it funny.
25:55Sicko.
25:55Creep.
26:00My great aunt Mutie died in 1944.
26:07She was a good and decent woman.
26:10But her death to you is just a source of entertainment, isn't it?
26:14Oh!
26:15Please fondle my body, please.
26:18Thousands of people are dying every year because no one will fondle their bottoms and you find that funny.
26:24Uh, no.
26:26No, Stephen, they're not.
26:28Aren't they?
26:29No, they're not, no.
26:30Oh, I thought...
26:31No, well, never mind what you thought.
26:32But, uh, no one has ever actually died from not having their bottom fondled.
26:37Oh, I sometimes feel quite unwell.
26:40Well, yes, that's a bit.
26:41No, but you can't, you can't blame this woman for laughing at bottom fondling because no one genuinely suffers from
26:45this.
26:45Oh, highly amusing.
26:47That is not even remotely funny.
26:51I'm sorry?
26:52I'm suffering very badly as it goes.
26:58I...
26:59I've been told that I'm going to die within six months unless my bottom is fondled.
27:06Satisfied here?
27:08Oh, bollocks.
27:10Look, so I'm sorry to hear about this desperate condition.
27:13Um, do you need help?
27:14Well, yeah, I mean, I'm at the end of me tether, mate.
27:16Yeah, of course.
27:17Well, what sort of, what sort of help do you need?
27:18Well, you know, I need money.
27:20Money, yeah.
27:21What, what, what for?
27:21Well, to buy vital equipment.
27:25Vital equipment, yeah.
27:26Yeah, a CD player, in fact.
27:30You know, they're expensive, they are, you know.
27:32Yeah, well, I tell you what, if we all put our hands in our pockets round here tonight, a few
27:35pounds, three pounds each, something like that, I'm sure we could raise enough money.
27:38No, wait a minute.
27:39Wait a minute.
27:39What is going on here?
27:40We're having a whip round to get this man a CD player?
27:42No, no, no, I'm sorry.
27:44No, you, sir, are exploiting the compassion and generosity of this audience, frankly.
27:50Hugh?
27:51No, no, we're all, we're all sorry that nobody fondles your bottom.
27:55You know, that, that's a damn shame.
27:57But you can't go using that just to get free hi-fi.
27:59Hugh, you may not be aware of this, but the new Yamaha 600 RS CD player has a, has an
28:03electronic arm that comes out and fondles your bottom.
28:09Oh, God.
28:11Without it, this man will die.
28:13God, I'm, I'm so sorry. I, well, I mean, I just, well, what can I do?
28:19Well, you could fondle his bottom for a start.
28:22Well, it's only fair.
28:44I'mä½ .
28:50Wow.
28:59Now, here we go.
29:03Who am I?