- 5 days ago
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00:28I'll be right back
00:47Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Good evening, good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome
00:54to a bit of Fry and Laurie.
00:56Yes, but not just, ladies and gentlemen. Let's not forget the large number of domestic animals who sit in front
01:02of the television while this programme is on.
01:04That's right. Let's all say hi to the large number of dogs who are with us this evening.
01:14That was my hello to all the dogs. I'm sorry if it was too high-pitched for you, ladies and
01:19gentlemen.
01:20And while we're at it, let's say a big hi to Marlon Brando.
01:24No. Marlon, as you probably know, is very much not a dear old friend of ours.
01:29We've never met him.
01:30No, but if we say hi often enough, he might just think that we've met him and give one of
01:36those sort of embarrassed half-smiles that you give to somebody when you're not sure whether or not you know
01:40them.
01:41Did you perhaps sit next to them on the train once? Are they something to do with your brother-in
01:44-law?
01:45This is pathetic.
01:46You're right. It is pathetic. It's undeniably pathetic. But, ladies and gentlemen and canine pals, we're after your help tonight
01:55because we aim in the next half hour to become big.
01:59So big that even Marlon Brando will know exactly who we are.
02:04Yes, but first of all, it might be helpful if we were to explain exactly what big is.
02:07You see, Stephen and I are both very tall, but we're not very big.
02:12No.
02:13Whereas, by quite stark contrast, Mickey Rooney, Prince and Michael J. Fox are very short, but incredibly big.
02:24So let's take a look at our big-o-meters so we can just spell that out.
02:29That's right. Now, up here, registering 1,009 is Marlon Brando.
02:34And we're down here at 1.4.
02:39And here, registering 108, is the big-ish Tony Gubber.
02:45So, that gives you some idea of the kind of mountain we have to climb.
02:49But with your help, ladies and gentlemen, we can make it.
02:52So let's see if we can't hit 1.5 by the end of the evening.
02:55All right. Good luck.
02:57Good luck.
02:59I suppose if I am honest, I use my penis as a sort of car substitute.
03:05Do you know what makes me really mad?
03:07It's the fact that we have to pay for it.
03:09Oh, yes. Yes, we're the ones who pay for it.
03:11You know, every bit of food we want to eat, we have to pay for it.
03:16Oh, the clothes I wear. I pay for them.
03:18It makes me mad.
03:42And similarly, douche places.
03:46Jeremy, I must tell you, I was in Venice last year.
03:49Ah, la serenissima.
03:52Now, you, I believe, know more about Venice than anybody else in the world.
03:55The Queen of the Adriatic is just one of the things you've been called.
04:00I was strolling through the Rialto, returning from a walk which had taken in the Santa Maria
04:06Della Salute and the San Giorgio Romano.
04:10Along the Judaica.
04:12Along the Judaica.
04:14Along the Judaica.
04:15And I believe I'm right in saying that I counted no less than 97 backpackers.
04:21Backpackers? Oh, dear Lord.
04:23Who were doing, as I believe the ghastly phrase is, the academia.
04:28Oh, tourists. I see, tourists.
04:30And I remember thinking they're taking away our Venice.
04:35The place is absolutely heaving with Germans.
04:37Yes, and Italians. The place is absolutely heaving.
04:40Our Venice is sinking under their weight.
04:42You see, I campaigned for years now to have tourists banned from Venice.
04:46Have you? Have you?
04:47Yes, I have. I have, yes.
04:49It sounds very cruel. Very harsh, I know.
04:52Very, um, diglant-y.
04:53Very diglant-y, thank you, yes.
04:55Yes, well, I'm convinced it's the only way.
04:57Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
04:59What was it? What was it who said?
05:02He is a tourist.
05:04You are a holidaymaker.
05:07But I am a traveller.
05:10Oh, no. Was it Humbert Wolf?
05:12It was Cocteau, surely.
05:14Well, it doesn't sound very Cocteau.
05:15But then Cocteau never does, which is how you can always tell it.
05:18Oh, true, true, true.
05:19Trouche.
05:23Of course, it's not just Venice.
05:26Oh, good heavens, no.
05:27No, it's not just, uh, Venezia.
05:29Vene-dich.
05:30Uh, Venice.
05:31No, not that.
05:32Always joke.
05:33No, our whole world is being stained.
05:36Stained.
05:37Stained, yes.
05:37Stained, yes, it is.
05:39Echu Fugakes, O Tempora, O Mores, Jeremy.
05:44Uh, yes.
05:46I blame television.
05:48I'm sorry, but I do.
05:49Oh, no, television.
05:50No, don't.
05:50Please, that, oh, that fearful, um, uh, Mervyn Bragg.
05:54Oh, Mervyn Bragg.
05:56Stop it at once.
05:57Oh, if I had my way with that Mervyn Bragg,
06:00no one would be in the least surprise.
06:03Yes.
06:05I say,
06:06this is my son of a good dark de citron.
06:10Dark de citron.
06:12Oh, the lemon pie, dear.
06:14Yes, yes.
06:15Um, I've always said, you know,
06:16that I could never truly be friends with anybody
06:19who didn't love lemon pie.
06:22Now, now, Susan,
06:24now, Susan, don't be sly.
06:26Did you make this yourself?
06:28Well, let's just say
06:29I made it to the shops in time to buy it.
06:32I knew it.
06:34Marks and Spencer.
06:35MLS.
06:36Who else?
06:37M and S.
06:37M and S.
06:39Some show.
06:40Oh, they are simply amazing.
06:42Oh.
06:43Have you tried their new boxer shorts?
06:44I haven't.
06:45I haven't.
06:45I have.
06:46Delicious.
06:46Oh, and the dips.
06:48Oh, bless me, the dips.
06:50In my local one,
06:51there's a really marvelous primary school.
06:53A primary school?
06:54Yeah.
06:54Both mine and my husband's children go there.
06:56Well, of course, in my local one,
06:57they've just opened a hospital section.
07:00Oh, yes, yes.
07:01You can go in and have minor operations, everything.
07:03Yes, well, of the one near me,
07:05you can actually buy weaponry.
07:07Yes, it is.
07:08Yes, it is.
07:08Quite right.
07:09Mine, too?
07:09Yes, I actually, uh,
07:10I bought an F-111 there last week.
07:13It was so fresh,
07:13I swear it was made that day.
07:15Really?
07:15Really?
07:16Well, you see,
07:16of course, the great thing about them is
07:18that if you're not happy with anything,
07:21you can always go back and change it.
07:22Change it.
07:24Oh, hello.
07:25Ah, good morning, madam.
07:26Can I help you?
07:27I bought these suits for my husband, you see,
07:30and I want to return them, please.
07:33Right.
07:33You want to exchange them for different suits?
07:35Oh, no, I don't want different suits.
07:37That wouldn't be any good.
07:38Not now he's dead.
07:41Oh, dear.
07:41Oh, I'm sorry.
07:43Now, this is the suit he died in.
07:46But, uh,
07:48I don't think you can tell, can you?
07:51I think I've managed to get most of it out.
07:55And, uh, when exactly did you buy the suit?
07:581947.
08:01I remember the year,
08:03because that was the year I bought his suits.
08:07I see, yes, and, uh,
08:09you want a refund, do you?
08:11Refund?
08:12Oh, no, no, no, don't have a refund.
08:15No.
08:16I want my money back.
08:19I see.
08:20Uh, uh, well, have you got the receipt?
08:22No, but the lady will remember me.
08:27What lady?
08:28Well, the lady who sold them to me, of course.
08:30Well, can you remember what she looked like?
08:33Oh, well, she was about, uh, 65.
08:37Well, I'm afraid that if she was 65 in 1947,
08:43she'll be...
08:45Oh, no!
08:53Suits fit your husband all right, didn't it?
08:56Oh, yes, thank you.
08:58And did you enjoy your tea at Nyan's Corner House?
09:02Oh, it was lovely, thank you.
09:05He looked so handsome in his uniform.
09:08Ah.
09:09Still together, are you?
09:1143 years.
09:1443 years.
09:17Since he last rang me.
09:20Me?
09:21Oh, they're bastards, aren't they?
09:28Can't live with them, can't live without them.
09:31Mine can't live at all.
09:37He's dead.
09:39Oh.
09:40Oh, you'll be wanting your money back.
09:42Oh, yes, please.
09:44I put it by just in case.
09:49You are...
09:51You are a good girl.
09:53Three pounds.
09:55Twelve and six.
09:57Oh, thank you.
09:58Oh, perhaps the lady would like a replacement.
10:00No, I told you I wanted my money back.
10:03He means for your husband.
10:05Oh, goodness.
10:07Do you do old men?
10:09Oh.
10:10What size do you take?
10:18Five foot six, if you have.
10:21Five foot six straight or five foot six bent?
10:24Bent.
10:25I'll see what we've got.
10:28Yes, you'll like our old men, madam.
10:30They don't smell at all.
10:31Oh.
10:32Well, they've got a sort of stale, manly odour.
10:35Oh.
10:37What do you think?
10:39Oh, he's dishy, isn't he?
10:42Oh, isn't he?
10:45Mind you, you can't tell until you get them home.
10:48Can I change him if I'm not satisfied?
10:51Bloody women.
10:53They always want to change you.
10:56What makes me really mad is this new drug ecstasy.
11:00Makes me mad!
11:23I'm really impressed because, you know, even I struggle remembering them.
11:27Well, I did actually, but I got there in the end.
11:28Well done to you.
11:29What do you do, Paul?
11:30Thank you for sparing the time.
11:32No problem.
11:35You admire Gary Davis?
11:36No, I don't.
11:38Keep a fingers crossed until you have a brilliant nineteen ninety.
11:40You should make time, Alan.
11:41You're going to have a nice little radio on fun radio.
11:42The man should unwind.
11:44You don't mind if I call you Alan?
11:47Fine with me.
11:48Good.
11:49Good.
11:49I just find Sally a bit awkward.
11:51I understand.
11:53Excellent.
11:53Now then, Alan, I've got your record in front of me here and it makes impressive reading.
11:59Well, you know, I've knocked about the world a bit.
12:01You certainly have, but I'd like if I made a fill in one or two gaps, take a few side
12:05bearings,
12:06rough outs and contours.
12:07Is that okay with you?
12:08Fine.
12:09Okay.
12:10Sixty-five, sixty-six.
12:13You ran guns out of Macau using a refitted Dutch trawler.
12:17I can still smell those damn herring.
12:20Sixty-eight.
12:20You popped up on the Ivory Coast smuggling refugees out of Nigeria.
12:24The following year, there was that nasty caper with the Rhodesian Mining Company.
12:28From then on, it's a series of apparently unrelated appearances,
12:32working with Uruguayan customs, a supply teacher in Maidstone,
12:36a pot spray in Rammel Pindy,
12:39home secretary in the last Labour government,
12:41and then a short spell as Nigel Paggerton in The Archers.
12:47Someone had to do it.
12:48Oh, yeah.
12:50Okay, now it's my turn, yeah?
12:52I've got to tell you that I don't like being rung up by strange men I've never met before
12:56and I have files read out of me.
12:58I don't like being asked a lot of questions by men in hats.
13:01Suppose you tell me exactly what is going on and who in blazes you are.
13:05All right, we need a man, Alan.
13:08We need a man with exceptional abilities,
13:09a man with a record of success against all the odds,
13:13a man with the courage to try his hand at the impossible.
13:17Go on.
13:18We want you, if you can,
13:20to sit down and watch an entire episode of The Krypton Factor.
13:26What about your mind?
13:28Listen to me, Alan.
13:29It's never been done before.
13:31No one has ever watched an entire programme from start to finish.
13:34Oh, sure, we've all seen bits.
13:37But no one has ever gone the full distance.
13:42If I don't make it,
13:44you'll see that Judy's taken care of.
13:46Of course.
13:47Of course.
13:50I'll see you in hell.
14:04When I was nine,
14:05oh, fewer years ago now than I care to remember,
14:09um, um,
14:11my mother told me
14:13that in this life,
14:15one could either be an elf or a pixie.
14:18What she meant by that,
14:20I fully suppose you may be able all too readily to guess.
14:24But her remarks set me thinking.
14:26And from that moment on,
14:28I purposed to be worthy of her admonitions and advisalments.
14:33I suppose I can look back on my whole life as a kind of quest,
14:36a search, a hunt, an interrogation, if you like.
14:40Yesterday was my birthday.
14:42I won't tell you which because I hate you.
14:44And I celebrated it in fine style
14:48in the company of a cold bottle of Chablis
14:51and a couple of prostitutes.
14:56I suppose, in a sense,
14:59my quest has come full circle.
15:03Or rather,
15:04my hunt is over
15:06and I can rest now.
15:10Well, I hope you enjoyed that.
15:11I'll be here every Tuesday and Thursday,
15:13so until the next time,
15:14good night and safe journey home.
15:20Come on.
15:22Come on, baby.
15:24Ow.
15:26Ah, gotcha.
15:30Ahem.
15:31Is that you, John?
15:32Who else be dear?
15:36I was beginning to wonder where the hell you...
15:38Traffic, Peter, plain and simple.
15:40Oh, that's a bitch, John.
15:42Took the switchback routes wherever I could,
15:44but frankly, the A47 is a car park at the moment.
15:47Damn that bullcock!
15:49Peter, it's no good blaming the cistern.
15:51Well, maybe you'll imagine.
15:54So.
15:55Fill me in.
15:55How's business this a.m.?
15:57Business has been pretty quiet, John.
16:00Had a couple of noisy ones in stall three earlier on.
16:03But mostly it's been quiet.
16:05Good.
16:05Any calls?
16:06Yeah, I had one from the maintenance boys
16:08about fixing this damn towel roller.
16:10And?
16:11Can't make it till next Tuesday.
16:12Damn!
16:13That's what I said, John.
16:15Damn blast, triple damn,
16:16and an extra side order of damn.
16:18Yep, said that as well.
16:20How can they expect us to run a public lavatory complex
16:23without adequate maintenance backup?
16:24Beats me, John.
16:26They said they'd give you top priority, but...
16:28Top priority, my arse.
16:31It's just a lot of hot air, Peter.
16:33I know, John.
16:35Our clients can't be expected to dry their hands with hot air.
16:39Well, actually, John...
16:40No, Peter, Peter, don't start on that electric hand-dry business again.
16:43I read your report.
16:44It was good work.
16:45But now is not the time.
16:49Not the time.
16:51I wonder if he'd have used a phrase like that
16:53back when we were running the health club.
16:56Peter, Marjorie won.
16:58Pure and simple.
16:59It wasn't a fair fight, I grant you.
17:00But that's it.
17:01Over.
17:03You don't have to throw Marjorie in my face, John.
17:06Sorry, Peter, but damn it,
17:08we've got a chance here to build the finest public amenity system
17:11Eutoxiter has ever known.
17:13Damn it, John.
17:14When?
17:15What's...
17:15What's the time frame?
17:16Only a fool would answer that question, Peter.
17:19A month?
17:19Maybe 12.
17:20I don't know.
17:22You know, John,
17:23every day when I leave the house,
17:25Sarah kisses me on the cheek.
17:28Sarah?
17:29But your wife's Nancy, surely.
17:31Yeah.
17:31Sarah's the au pair.
17:32She helps out with a lot of Nancy's chores.
17:36She kisses me on the cheek,
17:37and damn it, John,
17:39if there aren't tears in her eyes.
17:41Peter,
17:42I know it's hard.
17:43Kids get a rough time at school, you know.
17:45Oh, yes.
17:46Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
17:48Sherman's dad is a lavatory attendant.
17:51Don't ever say that, Peter.
17:53Peter, I know.
17:55That Peter.
17:55That one there.
17:56Him, yeah.
17:57He's nobody's lavatory attendant.
17:59He is an equal partner
18:01in an enterprise
18:02that is going to put Eutoxiter's sanitation
18:05well into the 21st century.
18:07Damn it, John, a shame.
18:09Peter,
18:10listen up now and listen up good.
18:12What you're doing here
18:13is for Nancy and the kids.
18:15Every time you refill
18:17one of these soap dispensers,
18:18it's for them.
18:19Every time you pluck a cigarette end
18:21out of that urinal,
18:22it's for them.
18:23Every time you unclog a U-band
18:25with your bare hands,
18:27it's for them.
18:28It's every time
18:29if you're right.
18:30You bet I'm right.
18:33So now,
18:34let's go to work.
18:36Right, shoot.
18:37Paper in every stall?
18:39Check.
18:40Evacuation points cleaned?
18:41Check.
18:42Even under the rim?
18:42Even under the rim.
18:44Mirrors polished?
18:45So they can see your face in them.
18:46Good work.
18:47I have to close off
18:49this urinal here momentarily
18:50for cleaning purposes,
18:52and as you know,
18:52in this business,
18:53when that happens,
18:54a week go to the wall.
18:55Did he stop them?
18:56No problem.
19:03Good morning, sir.
19:06Is this your first visit
19:07to our facility?
19:10In which case,
19:11you will be pleased to know
19:12that the full relief service
19:13cubicles are situated
19:14to your right.
19:15The quick service stalls
19:16are this way, sir.
19:29Thank you for your custom, sir.
19:32Damn it!
19:34Peter, we are still not
19:35attracting the right kind of clients.
19:37I know, John.
19:38A lot of the more desirable punters
19:39are going next door.
19:41Well, then why in hell's name
19:42aren't they coming here?
19:43Because they're women, John.
19:45Damn it all, Peter.
19:46I want you to go there
19:48and find out
19:48who's running
19:49next door's operation.
19:50I already know
19:51who's running
19:51next door's operation, John.
19:53Okay, that's quite a surprise,
19:54I can tell you.
19:55No.
19:56No.
19:57No, Peter,
19:58I don't want to hear this.
20:00Yep, you guessed it.
20:01It's Marjorie, all right.
20:03Yeah!
20:06Good evening.
20:07I am Robert Robinson
20:09and my name is Robert Robinson.
20:12Ah, we are
20:13the Robert Robinsons.
20:15This is our hour.
20:17That much is certain.
20:19Though tish are
20:20nay hush
20:21and thorn, sir.
20:22And an extra point
20:24for being so clever.
20:26Would that it were,
20:27would that it were.
20:28Ah, indeed,
20:30would that it were,
20:31Mr. Charteris,
20:32would that it were.
20:36Ah, now,
20:37you're the thing
20:37not that pish and tish.
20:39I have a letter
20:41I have a letter
20:41from a Mr. Colin Elgood
20:42of Karsholton Beaches
20:43who tells me
20:45that he always turns
20:46his carrier bags
20:47inside out
20:48so as not to give
20:49free advertising
20:50to Mr. Sainsbury
20:51and men of his ilk.
20:54Nay, men of his stamp.
20:55Men of his ilk,
20:56stamp and kidney.
20:57Ah, your answer
20:59is better, Mr. Meredith.
21:00So much better,
21:01but wrong.
21:02Sadly wrong.
21:03And an extra mark
21:04for being so clever.
21:07Ah, someone has plumped.
21:10Someone has plumped.
21:11Go on, Mr. Harris.
21:12Have a plump, too.
21:13But hish and tusk,
21:14it only now remains
21:16for me to declare
21:17that we family
21:18winners of our little game.
21:21An extra point
21:22followed by this
21:22round of applause.
21:26But ah, ah,
21:28the pity, the pity of it.
21:30Time, our old enemy,
21:31comes round again.
21:33Ah, nish, tusk,
21:35flip and therpence.
21:36We bid you goodbye.
21:38We bid you farewell.
21:39But ah, hish, bish,
21:41stamp and trivac,
21:43not for long,
21:44not for long.
21:49Goodbye.
21:51Do you know what
21:52makes me really mad?
21:54It's this belief
21:55that I'm John the Baptist.
21:58Well, the thing,
21:59Christ,
21:59I've left the iron on.
22:10Hello, Control.
22:11Hello, Tony.
22:12I'll be with you
22:13in a minute.
22:16I say, Control.
22:17That's rather a splendid device.
22:18Where did you get that
22:19if you don't mind
22:20my prying into your affairs?
22:22I don't mind at all, Tony.
22:24After all,
22:25you're only human.
22:26That's right, Control.
22:27I am.
22:28It's my birthday today
22:30and this was a present
22:32from my sister Marie.
22:34I didn't know you had a sister
22:35called Marie, Control.
22:37Well, Marie's actually
22:38a codename I've invented
22:40for her
22:41to prevent people
22:41from discovering
22:42her real name.
22:44Ah, well,
22:44that's cleared up
22:45that little confusion.
22:47Hmm.
22:47Her real name is Maria.
22:50Huh.
22:51You are a wily old fox, Control.
22:54Anyway,
22:56this contraption
22:57is called
22:58a telescoop.
23:01Telescoop?
23:02Yes,
23:02though I ought to point out
23:03that that's also
23:04a codename.
23:06Say no more, Control.
23:08Hush, hush.
23:09Absolutely.
23:10Though I don't think
23:11I'd be speaking out of school
23:13if I said that
23:13this device
23:14allows you to see
23:15quite clearly
23:16over quite a long distance.
23:19Here,
23:19have a go.
23:21Control,
23:21I don't know
23:22what to say.
23:23Don't mention it, Tony.
23:26Have a look at that man
23:27there next to
23:28the telephone kiosk.
23:29Gosh, Control,
23:31you weren't exaggerating
23:32when you said
23:32it allowed you
23:33to see things
23:34quite clearly
23:34over a long distance.
23:36That man could
23:37almost be in the room
23:38with us.
23:39That's a true thing
23:40to say.
23:40But here's where
23:41the telescoop comes in
23:42because, Tony,
23:44that man isn't
23:45in the room with us.
23:47Well,
23:48I thought he wasn't
23:49in the room with us, Control,
23:50but I must say
23:51it's nice to have
23:51it confirmed by you.
23:54He's actually
23:55on the other side
23:55of the street.
23:56Yes, Control,
23:57he's looking this way
23:58and,
24:00wait a minute,
24:01that man is looking
24:02at us
24:03with a telescoop.
24:05Yes.
24:06It's my theory, Tony,
24:08that he's an enemy agent
24:09charged with the task
24:10of keeping us
24:11under surveillance.
24:14What a confounded
24:15cheat, Control.
24:16I've a good mind
24:17to fetch a policeman
24:17and have him moved on.
24:19Steady on, Tony.
24:20I've got a better plan.
24:22Valerie was kind enough
24:24to go outside
24:25and find out
24:25the number
24:26of the kiosk.
24:28Control,
24:29that man is going
24:30into the kiosk
24:31and he's lifted up
24:31the receiver.
24:33Hello?
24:34Enemy agent?
24:36It's Control here.
24:39Very well,
24:40thank you.
24:41Could you stop
24:42keeping us
24:43under surveillance,
24:44please?
24:48Control,
24:49your plan is working.
24:50He's getting into a car
24:51and driving away.
24:53Another small
24:54but significant victory
24:56for our side.
24:57Congratulations, Control.
24:59Now,
25:00you run along
25:01and get a nice cup
25:02of coffee
25:02and we'll pretend
25:03this whole ugly incident
25:04never took place.
25:06I can go
25:07one better
25:08than that,
25:08Control.
25:09Oh?
25:10Happy birthday
25:11to Control.
25:13Happy birthday
25:14to Control.
25:15Oh,
25:16get along with you.
25:18Aren't you
25:19going to open it,
25:19then?
25:21Bo.
25:23Ladies and gentlemen,
25:24some very exciting news.
25:26Yes, absolutely.
25:27We have,
25:27ladies and gentlemen,
25:28hit 1.6
25:29on the big-o-meter.
25:36You remember
25:37we told you earlier
25:39about the large number
25:39of dogs that watch us
25:40here on a bit of Prime Line?
25:42Yes, well,
25:42we're happy to say
25:43that Irene,
25:44a red setter
25:45who lives in
25:45Lytham St. Anne's
25:47way down in
25:48Surrey, is it?
25:49Southwix?
25:50Lancashire?
25:51Devon?
25:51Somewhere like that,
25:52anyway.
25:53Now,
25:53Irene watches
25:54a bit of
25:54Fry and Laurie
25:55every week,
25:55but in the last
25:56half hour,
25:57she's had
25:57five puppies.
25:58And the
25:59consequent boost
26:00to our viewing figures
26:01has pushed us
26:02right up into
26:02the high ones.
26:04Yes.
26:04So there we are.
26:05So we are now,
26:06then,
26:06ladies and gentlemen,
26:06officially big.
26:08Too big,
26:09I fear,
26:09to perform
26:10our own sketches
26:10anymore.
26:11That's right.
26:11Yes,
26:11our last sketch
26:13this evening
26:13is going to be
26:13performed for us
26:14by a pair of
26:15young South American
26:16actors.
26:16That's right.
26:17We're just going
26:17to sit here
26:18and enjoy a drink
26:19while the sketch
26:20is done for us
26:20by, well,
26:21servants, really.
26:22Yes, yes.
26:23Oh, it's nice
26:24being big, isn't it?
26:25I love being big.
26:26Big, yes.
26:27Come on,
26:27off you go.
26:28Yep.
26:31Hello,
26:32Mr. Dolly.
26:33Hello.
26:34What can I do
26:35for you
26:36on this lovely day?
26:39Well,
26:41you know,
26:42I lent you
26:43my lawnmower
26:44some time ago.
26:48Yes?
26:51Could I have it
26:52back, please?
26:54But I haven't
26:55wiped it yet.
26:57Oh, dear.
27:00How long
27:01will it take
27:01you to wipe it?
27:03Well,
27:04if I'm going
27:04to wipe it
27:05properly,
27:06about two weeks.
27:09Yours is very
27:10good, isn't it?
27:11Oh,
27:11he's marvellous.
27:12Godson,
27:12I don't know
27:13what I'd do
27:13without him.
27:14No,
27:14I don't blame him.
27:14I don't blame him.
27:15Marvellous.
27:16Oh,
27:17wait a minute.
27:18This could be it.
27:18It's coming through.
27:19Manuel,
27:21Fernandez,
27:21if you'd like
27:22to bow to the audience
27:23and then off you go.
27:24We won't need you anymore.
27:25All right?
27:25Bow to the audience.
27:30Now,
27:31ladies and gentlemen,
27:32the moment we've all
27:33been waiting for.
27:34Yes,
27:34ladies and gentlemen,
27:35we are now being joined
27:36live by satellite
27:37by Mr. Marlon Brando.
27:39Yes.
27:40Oh,
27:41hello there.
27:42Good evening,
27:43Marlon.
27:43How are you doing,
27:44my man?
27:50A bit quiet,
27:51isn't he?
27:51No,
27:52no,
27:52not quiet,
27:52never quiet.
27:54Merely sullen,
27:55brooding and possessed
27:56of an intense,
27:56silent charisma.
27:58Quiet?
27:59Yes.
28:01Marlon,
28:02do you know
28:02who you're talking to here?
28:04Do you know
28:04who we are?
28:06He's still not
28:07moving his lips,
28:07Steve.
28:08No,
28:08when you're as big as Marlon,
28:09you don't have to move your lips
28:10to get someone else
28:10to move them for you.
28:12We have people
28:13doing our...
28:14Marlon,
28:15Marlon,
28:15it's the biggies talking.
28:17You know who we are?
28:18Good evening to you.
28:20Well,
28:21good evening to you,
28:22sir.
28:24Hey,
28:26you're little and large,
28:27right?
28:29Well,
28:30yes,
28:30yes,
28:30that's right.
28:31Yes,
28:31we are little and large.
28:32That's quite right.
28:32Can I go now?
28:34Oh,
28:35well.
28:35Well,
28:36goodbye,
28:36Marlon.
28:37And goodbye to you all
28:38from a bit of little and large.
28:40Bye-bye.
28:43APPLAUSE
28:43All right.
28:48Good evening.