- 5 days ago
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00:00Broom hi-hihi-hihi!
00:03Broom hi-hihi-hihi-hihi!
00:12Broom hi-hihi-hihi-hihi-hihi-hihi!
00:22Broom hi-hihi-hihi-hihi-hihi!
00:23Broom hi-hihi-hihi-hihi!
00:27Oh God, let's go!
00:29You're the only one who's in your room!
00:29I'm sorry!
00:33come in hello father mother said you wanted to see me yes yes come in timothy um just wanted a
00:41word i wondered if you could oh damn this drawer i just don't seem to be able to open it
00:46i wonder
00:47would you mind i yes yes it's true every word is true i tried to fight it but i knew
00:58it was useless
00:59it's true father timothy it's time you knew who you were i know who i am father no child you
01:12do not
01:12i'm timothy forest no i wish it was so but no sit sit down
01:2325 years ago the doctors told your mother and me that it would be impossible for
01:29us ever to have children oh why not i can't remember the exact reason it was something to
01:35do with penises i think so we decided to adopt a child i see and you chose me after a
01:45great deal
01:45of shopping around yes from a new edge of town orphanage that had opened just outside royston
01:52did they tell you who my real parents were please timothy let me tell this in my own way in
01:57my own
01:57time in my own clothes i'm sorry father on your seventh birthday a man called round to this house
02:07his name was furlough roth he took out a small multi-bladed knife and he placed it in this drawer
02:17the drawer that you have just opened timothy he then closed the drawer and said that only the chosen one
02:26would be able to open it you timothy you are the chosen one i am and this is burwhale the
02:38avenger
02:41the weapon of the chosen one tomorrow is your 25th birthday and you must leave us to go in search
02:49of punak
02:50the destroyer the dark one the beast golly when the fourth moon rises above the cylinder of eyelash then
03:02punak will strike his kingdom shall be numberless and darkness will blight the land all men will be slaves
03:10and the time of weeping and the time of weeping will begin only the chosen one can stop him so
03:17it is
03:17written in the runes of olom and goth so it must be and only burwhale the avenger can pierce the
03:25armor of the beast
03:29i knew it well it sounds funny father but in my heart i i knew there was something i realize
03:36now that
03:37i've been waiting for this moment all my life yes yes it must be so so where will i find
03:44this
03:44this beast this punak the destroyer he lives far beyond in saffron walden
03:52saffron walden right you must go there surprise is the key if he knew that you were after him he
03:59would
04:00set the minions of threak on you become a part of the community get a job in a canning factory
04:07bide
04:08your time and and how will i know this beast only tease the wise one can tell you tease after
04:18six months
04:18when you have been accepted by the saffron walden community then furlough roth will call on you and
04:25show you how you might find tease and together set out on your quest to rid the world of punak
04:31forever yes yes it shall be done now take burwhale the avenger go upstairs and wash your hands for lunch
04:53well i think he swallowed it thank god get that lazy little sod out of the house and earning his
05:00living
05:03well we had our first child on the nhs and and had to wait nine months can you believe it
05:11i found young people are no longer enticed into the church on the promise of um
05:15guitars and a little folk music we have to move with the times we've started showing leather and
05:21bondage films in st barnes it's also been very good we were packed last sunday mostly young
05:26conservatives but it's a start well i looked over at my friend susie and her body was there
05:33but her head was right over there that's quite a weekend i can tell you i think in 50 years
05:41time
05:42people will be saying whatever happened to the traditional english mcdonald's hey it's a thought
05:47isn't it hey i mean think about it it's a thought do what hey i mean it is a thought
05:51isn't it right
05:52i mean do what turn it up what
05:58this woman is very upset we think you should hear her story now sarah sarah sarah would you like to
06:10tell
06:10us what it is that's upset you like this no you're too upset right sarah's too upset even to talk
06:18about
06:18what it is that's upset her that's how upset she is um would it be all right if i told
06:22the viewers
06:23what it is that's upsetting you no right right but you can see for yourselves that sarah is immensely
06:31upset uh so upset that she she won't even let me tell you on her behalf what it is that's
06:36up
06:36upsetting her i think i can however give you the very barest details no you can't
06:43no absolutely not
06:47the thing is they're um they're probably all a bit curious to know what it is that's upsetting you
06:52now and you know if i i'd be letting them down if i didn't tell them something oh you can't
06:58okay okay so i i can't even
07:15what are you doing
07:17what are you doing will you tell me a minute for a second no good well i mean you told
07:23me not to
07:23yourself so i wouldn't
07:35what i wasn't doing anything i was i trusted you well good i'm glad because you know i trusted you
07:41i don't want your trust
07:53i think i think she's gone upstairs so
07:57basically i can tell you that what happened was she was
08:04hello i wonder if you can remember what you were doing at half past three on the 16th of august
08:111977. i remember exactly i was revising for my insect killing exams in those days you could never really
08:19call yourself educated unless you knew how to kill wasps anyway as i say i was swatting away for these
08:25exams when i felt a sudden rush in my soul a sense of something incredibly beautiful and mysterious
08:34passing into me an extraordinary feeling not unlike an evening with cliff mitchell more but um
08:39somehow more peaceful what could this feeling portend two hours later i discovered its meaning
08:47exactly for it was precisely at that time that elvis aaron presley died i knew then that the soul of
08:58elvis
08:59had passed into me and since that day i have more or less been elvis i've spent nearly all my
09:08time
09:08stuffing my face with ice cream and big macs and popping polka down and quaalude pills it's eerie isn't
09:14extraordinary but i am of course not the only person into whom elvis with his customary generosity
09:20breathed his soul love me tender love me sweet never let me go
09:34love me sweet never let me go you have made my life complete and i love you so
09:47love me tender love me true all my dreams fulfilled
09:59oh my darling i love you oh my darling i love you and i always will
10:14oh my darling i love you and i always will
10:24do the eye of god this day of our lord tuesday which is called tuesday so be it be it
10:30so and not
10:31otherwise as witness my hand here unto bearing the great seal of rotherham
10:39all those who do have righteous business before these presents either make sign or say this court
10:45nay or moo the charge make known the charge 14 guineas per calendar hour cheap be it known and
10:54dependent in these are records that this chalice of ultra hate treated milk being appointed in the
10:59wisdom of our lord god to accompany the coffee of the most reverent and holy bishop of uffington did
11:04fail to yield up its juices therefore most basically causing that holy and right goodly man to snag his
11:10fingernail against the tab the witch is providing for the opening they're off on two slightly this
11:19snagging the devil having achieved for it must rightwise be known that the devil has possessed this
11:25chalice or pot has possessed this chalice or pot the leaves did then open in an irritating little v
11:32shape and it must weirdly disgorge its opal fluids upon the chaste and seemly waistcoat of our most godly
11:39bishop there at proving that the pot is a most wicked pot or jealous a most wicked and contumely
11:45pot or chalice wherein satan doth play jackalawkins this being said and made this being said and made
11:52under the articles whereof it is written it should be said and made we do make most erotic demand
11:58that this chalice or pot and its milk and contents be cast into the chasting dish thence to be tossed
12:04and unhouseled into the cotton dying flames whence they most surely rose prepare the chasting dish
12:16the chasting dish is prepared the chasting dish is prepared the opening the opening the opening and the pouring
12:33thank you
12:36there's no such thing as bad publicity they say try telling that to frank boff
12:44I personally I think sandwiches actually taste better out of Tupperware
12:48because I love the skirt
12:49oh I love that
12:54yes it is nice isn't it
12:56there's a little man in the village who runs up my skirts
13:11yeah it's um it's mostly legwork this job
14:05Alan my dear boy
14:07good to see you I hope you don't mind
14:08I was just like how are you doing here how did you get in
14:10your landlady charming woman
14:12turns out both she and I are great fans of Johnny and Mathis
14:17ah yeah what the hell do you want
14:20I'd forgotten your obsession with Japanese fighting fish
14:24you're quite an expert aren't you
14:26never mind that just say your piece and get the hell out of here
14:29never really could see it myself
14:32what is it about them that interests you
14:35Japanese fighting fish
14:36they're loyal honest
14:38they don't send you to Aylesbury on half-arsed operations and they sell you down the river
14:43oh come now Alan that's hardly fair
14:45the department
14:46the hell with the department
14:47it's finished it's over
14:49it's finished with
14:51over
14:53it's over it's completely finished
14:55you're right Alan I see that now I shouldn't have come here
14:58you have your own life now
15:00this flat
15:01your fish
15:03and there's a girl now I believe
15:06Deborah is it
15:10you want to know
15:11leave the file
15:13sir
15:15of course Alan
15:16of course
15:17I shall leave you now
15:19thanks for the use of the lavatory
15:23oh
15:24by the way
15:25what now
15:26we're reopening the Steinbeck case
15:29I thought you might be interested
15:30Steinbeck
15:32what the hell
15:32you and Steinbeck had quite a lot in common didn't you
15:35both orphaned at an early age
15:38both took excellent degrees at the Sorbonne
15:40both had trials for West Bromwich Albion
15:42knew it inside right
15:44Steinbeck and Goal I think I'm right in saying
15:46both have accounts with John Lewis who'd Brent Cross
15:49is that a crime?
15:50not at all my dear boy
15:52I'm just pointing out the similarities that's all
15:54and of course you both adore fish
15:57really quite remarkable
16:00you bastard
16:00he trusts you Alan
16:02you're the only one who can bring him out alive
16:04it's your damn porridge
16:05use your own damn spoon
16:07please Alan
16:08don't throw porridge in my face
16:09that's completely over
16:10finished
16:11done with
16:12over and finished with
16:13done over with
16:14finished
16:15over
16:15you understand?
16:16finished over with
16:17done
16:19seem to have touched a nerve
16:21all right Alan
16:22blast you
16:2315 all
16:24we need you
16:26and you need us
16:27I need nothing and nobody
16:30you need an import license
16:32for those oh so pretty
16:34Japanese fighting fish of yours
16:38you bloody bastard
16:41first class flight
16:43to Chichester
16:44table for two on the sleeper
16:46from Chichester
16:47to Stroud
16:48hair trigger
16:50for barrel
16:51soft-eared bullets
16:52just as you'd like
16:53certainly came prepared
16:55didn't you?
16:55I prefer to put it this way
16:57I certainly came prepared
16:59didn't I?
17:00Welsh passport
17:01hotel reservations
17:03at the welcome break
17:04low Wycom
17:05all in the name of one
17:06Lewis Potter
17:07and the real Lewis Potter
17:09a chartered prostitute
17:10from Hereford
17:11died two years ago
17:12in a smiling accident
17:14will you do it?
17:16Alan
17:16he said table for two
17:18of course
17:19allow me to introduce
17:21your wife
17:23what the hell
17:25you need a new bullcock
17:27thank you
17:28on your system
17:29I fixed it for now
17:30but it needs replacing
17:31I know you're used
17:32to working alone Alan
17:33but under the circumstances
17:34the department
17:35the department
17:36can go to hell
17:37I told you
17:38I'm finished
17:38done away with it
17:39last
17:40period
17:40no more
17:41full stop
17:42the end
17:42full period
17:43you can show
17:44the department
17:44up your ass
17:45now I can't do that
17:46as you very well know
17:47the department
17:48is a large building
17:49housing hundreds of people
17:51I couldn't possibly
17:52shove it up my ass
17:52without a great deal
17:53of discomfort
17:54excuse me
17:54Alan
17:55what have you heard
17:56Major Terran
17:57seems to doubt
17:57my abilities
17:58you're damn right
18:00well I'll leave you two
18:01to get acquainted
18:02while I have another go
18:03on that excellent
18:04lavatory of yours
18:06it's much worse
18:07than his bite
18:09sir
18:09did he tell you
18:10what happened
18:10to my last partner
18:11shot dead on the steps
18:13of the Prague embassy
18:14I've read the file
18:15yeah
18:16files earn a lot of use
18:17when you're staring
18:18down the barrel
18:19of a knife
18:19nice flat
18:21gets me from A to B
18:23quite a lot
18:23of Japanese
18:24fighting fish
18:25are they good
18:26the one on the left
18:27is a black belt
18:28fourth down
18:28the one on the right
18:29is retired
18:31you don't like me
18:32do you Major
18:33save it lady
18:34I don't have a lot
18:34of time
18:36look if we're gonna
18:37be working together
18:37we might as well
18:38be friends
18:39I work faster alone
18:40perhaps it'd be a good
18:42idea if we went
18:42to bed together
18:44like I said
18:44I work faster alone
18:47me too
18:48have you got
18:48two bedrooms
18:49sure
18:50I'll take this one
18:51you take the other
18:59better
19:00much
19:00I don't even know
19:02your name
19:02is it matter
19:03I guess not
19:04look if you want to
19:05make yourself useful
19:05you could start by
19:06fixing as a pair of
19:07drinks
19:07you'll find some
19:08whiskey above the sink
19:09I know
19:09I've read the file
19:11remember
19:13oh that really was
19:15most enjoyable
19:15didn't you know
19:16what else I could do
19:18no
19:18well in that case
19:19I think I might have
19:20another time myself
19:21really moving
19:25what is he doing there
19:27I've really no idea
19:32the world is ever sliding
19:35ever gliding
19:36ever turning
19:37ever yearning
19:39and colliding
19:41the stairs
19:43begin to creak
19:44you turn
19:45but cannot speak
19:46as the bubble
19:47starts to squeak
19:49and you find the truth
19:50you seek
19:52you yes
19:54you
19:55you
19:55you
19:56it's you
19:57I'm speaking to
19:59you
19:59the sparkle
20:01of my fright
20:02the goddess
20:03of what seems
20:04the starling
20:05the starling
20:06of my night
20:07the parcel
20:08of my dreams
20:09just
20:10the parcel
20:12of my dreams
20:13oh yes
20:15you
20:16yes
20:17you
20:18you
20:18you
20:19the you
20:20who do
20:20what none
20:21can do
20:22the you
20:23that haunts
20:24my ears
20:25on the short list
20:26of wasted
20:27reins
20:28the avenue
20:29of chandeliers
20:31that shams
20:32my frozen
20:33veins
20:34that shames
20:35my frozen veins
20:37not yet
20:38the world
20:39is ever hiding
20:40ever riding
20:41ever churning
20:42ever burning
20:44and divining
20:45oh the horse
20:48besides the cart
20:49ever turning to part
20:51thou wilt be
20:52what thou art
20:53as your hand
20:55becomes your heart
20:58you
20:59yes
21:00you
21:00you
21:01you
21:01the you
21:02who knows
21:03what once
21:04I knew
21:05the you
21:06that spits
21:07my blood
21:08and stares
21:09at both
21:10my clouds
21:11you wear a sleeve
21:13of mud
21:14your cuffs
21:15become my shrouds
21:17your cuffs
21:18become my shrouds
21:20oh why
21:21you
21:22you
21:23yes you
21:24yes you
21:24you
21:24you
21:25the which
21:26why
21:26how
21:27and who
21:27you crumple
21:29the skirts
21:30of need
21:31in the belly
21:32of desire
21:33where my freshly
21:34planted seed
21:35can spin
21:37its tangled
21:38wire
21:39can spin
21:40its tangled
21:42it is finished
21:51yes
21:51yes I've smoked pot
21:53only once
21:54but it was
21:55it was strange really
21:56because I got arrested
21:57and sent to prison
21:58and my parents
22:00were shunned
22:00by the local community
22:01and my father
22:02lost his job
22:03and my mother
22:03became an alcoholic
22:04and my sister
22:05and I were put
22:05into care
22:06and now I'm homeless
22:08smoking pot
22:09it's funny really
22:09isn't it
22:11what this old thing
22:12well
22:13it could be a help
22:14and a hindrance
22:16on the plus side
22:17I can get into
22:18Ronnie Scott's
22:19half price
22:19on the minus side
22:21I do look a complete tosser
22:24yes I drive
22:25a Vauxhall Nova
22:26splash
22:28it's a limited edition
22:29I think they only made
22:31one and a half million
22:32of them
22:34these
22:35Bernard Matthews
22:36golden turkey drummers
22:38you'd be surprised
22:39how versatile
22:39they are
22:40I've got one in
22:41at the moment
22:42actually
22:45so I think it would be useful
22:47if we started by
22:48your telling me
22:49something about
22:50your state of mind
22:51at the moment
22:51how would you describe it
22:52would you say
22:53you were happy
22:54or depressed
22:55confident
22:56or unsure of yourself
22:57what words would you use
22:58to describe your mood
22:59would you say
23:00take your time
23:04fascinating
23:05absolutely fascinating
23:06your problem seems
23:07to centre around
23:09the delusion
23:09that you are a psychiatrist
23:12and that everyone
23:13you speak to
23:13is a patient
23:14of some sort
23:15this is a rare
23:16but not unheard of
23:16syndrome
23:17hmm
23:18I think perhaps
23:20it would be helpful
23:20now if we talked
23:21a little bit
23:21about your mother
23:22what are your feelings
23:23towards your mother
23:24extraordinary
23:24really very intriguing
23:26now why mother
23:26was your mother affectionate
23:28towards you
23:28when you were small
23:30affection
23:30affection
23:31that's interesting
23:32I wonder why you chose
23:33that word particularly
23:35I think it would be helpful
23:36if you told me at this point
23:38if you can remember
23:38whether or not
23:39you were breastfed
23:40as an infant
23:42already you see
23:43we're focusing in
23:44on breasts
23:45good good
23:46now
23:46how do you feel
23:47about breasts now
23:48do they frighten you
23:49because again
23:49this is quite common
23:50breasts and fear
23:52now that is very interesting
23:54breasts and fear
23:55fascinating association
23:56where do you think
23:57your father fits
23:58into that association
23:59that's right
24:00absolutely classic
24:01father father
24:02all right
24:02so let's imagine
24:03a line shall we
24:04we have fear
24:05at one end
24:06breasts at the other
24:07now where would you
24:09place your father
24:09on that line
24:11lines
24:11lines
24:12now that is
24:13that is interesting
24:14I may ask you
24:15to draw those lines
24:15in a minute
24:16in something we call
24:17a bender gestalt test
24:18which can be very revealing
24:20but lines
24:20let's explore those
24:21for a moment
24:22they're very penetrative
24:23aren't they
24:23very thrusting
24:25very male
24:25very masculine
24:27they urge onwards
24:28don't they
24:29right
24:29so now at last
24:30the layers are beginning
24:31to unpeel
24:32this is very important
24:33so we have
24:34we have breasts
24:35we have fear
24:36we have male
24:37thrusting
24:38penetrative
24:39urging
24:40some sort of
24:41psychiatric jargon
24:42you've picked up
24:43from the reader's digest
24:45how often would you say
24:46you masturbated
24:48now I'm going to be
24:49really quite firm now
24:50all right
24:51I'm the doctor
24:52you are the patient
24:54yes that's right
24:55now I'm sorry
24:56I want to hear you say it
24:57I want to hear you say
24:58I am the patient
24:59what was that
25:00I am the patient
25:02good good
25:03that's a breakthrough
25:04now that you can say that
25:05now that you can admit it
25:07we can proceed
25:08excellent
25:10you are the patient
25:11I am
25:12you are
25:13perhaps we're all patients
25:14no
25:15I am not a patient
25:16now
25:17now
25:17please remain calm
25:18Mr Windrush
25:19Dr Windrush
25:20now you realize
25:21that I only have to lift
25:22this phone
25:23you will be restrained
25:24yes hello
25:25yes it's all right
25:26Rebecca
25:26I'm in the middle of a session
25:28don't worry about it
25:29there's nothing to worry about
25:32now look
25:33I can't help you
25:34unless you stop playing
25:35this ridiculous game
25:37extraordinary
25:38I don't think
25:38I've ever come across
25:39a more deeply embedded illusion
25:40it is not an illusion
25:41your last doctor
25:43tried you on a course
25:43of lentizole
25:44I believe
25:45did you find that
25:45helped at all
25:46all right
25:47let's go right back
25:48to the beginning
25:48shall we
25:49if you are
25:49as you think
25:50a doctor
25:52oh I'm sorry
25:53that's the full hour
25:54Mr Windrush
25:54should we say
25:55same time next week
25:56uh yes
25:57I think I can fit you in
25:58same time next week
25:59perhaps for the next session
26:00you could bring some photographs
26:01of your parents
26:02that might be useful
26:03yes I think I might try you
26:04on a course of hypnosis
26:05next time
26:05and uh
26:06if you'll just confirm
26:07that appointment with Rebecca
26:08on the way out
26:09thank you
26:10hmm
26:13oh
26:13you're both here
26:15well I think I'm
26:16seeing you first
26:17Mr Windrush
26:20would you mind
26:21waiting outside
26:22Mr Johansson
26:23you're a little bit early
26:25Rebecca
26:25two teas please
26:28extraordinary
26:30so deep seated
26:32simply fascinating
26:33well that was
26:35do sit down
26:35Mr Johansson
26:37it's just a way out
26:37I've finished my session
26:38with him
26:50the interesting thing is
26:52I've never had a lesson
26:53in my life
26:56but then you see
26:58I'd have to say
26:59that my mother and I
26:59have never really
27:00agreed on
27:02hold on
27:03you've got a
27:04you've got a bit of
27:04a speck of dirt
27:05on the camera
27:07there you go
27:11well
27:12that's about it
27:13for this week
27:13that's right
27:14we seem to have
27:15exceeded our
27:15allotted time
27:16what
27:17button it
27:17there's a deer
27:18right
27:18yes of course
27:19I'm sorry
27:20so until we happen
27:22into each other
27:22once again
27:23it's good night
27:24from me
27:24and it's good night
27:25from me
27:26we're going to leave
27:27you with tonight's
27:28cocktail recipe
27:29tonight it's
27:31whiskey thunder
27:32for this you'll need
27:33whiskey
27:34angostura bitters
27:35lemon juice
27:36a pint of oh so
27:37fresh fresh
27:37dairy cream
27:38two olives
27:40and a peanut
27:40please Mr. Music
27:42will you play
28:34soupy twist
28:35soupy twist
28:39soupy twist