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00:00.
00:36Now.
00:41Hey, that wasn't bad, was it?
00:43I think I've mastered that.
00:46Well, I did stop.
00:49It's just that...
00:50Well, I had hoped that you'd be driving a bit faster by your 12th lesson.
00:55It's your father's car, isn't it? I don't want to overheat it.
00:58Well, it can do 50 or 60 miles an hour.
01:03That's on a straight road. I was coming round a corner.
01:06The corner was 100 yards back. You had plenty of time to accelerate.
01:11I didn't want to unnerve you.
01:14Well, Locke, do you think you want to go on with this? I mean, you've always been nervous of cars.
01:19I know, but if I can drive it, I hope my qualifications, won't it?
01:26Make it easier for me to get a job.
01:32I'm doing quite well now.
01:35It's only the road signs that confused me.
01:39I think I've got a bit mixed up with the traffic lights.
01:43But I've mastered the emergency stop.
01:45Yes, at five miles an hour.
01:50Look, do you want to go in?
01:53No, I think we'll go round the block once.
01:55Give them time to decide what I'm going to do today.
01:58Are they excited?
02:00I think so, yes.
02:01Mr Hooper said when he sent me for that job yesterday.
02:04I suppose I'll see you again tomorrow, as usual.
02:16Good morning, Mrs Dobson.
02:18Good morning, Mr Batchel.
02:20Morning, Mr Hooper.
02:21Morning, sir.
02:22Everything's ship-shaped and bristle-fetched, I hope?
02:24Yes, sir.
02:25Good, good.
02:27No crises on our hands this morning, then?
02:29No, sir. Everything's normal.
02:31Excellent. You know, I'm going to find the south of England a little quiet.
02:34Here we go again.
02:35There was a queue a hundred yards long at my last employment exchange.
02:39A thousand men out of work. It was quite a challenge.
02:42It's not quite as bad as that here.
02:44We just get the problem ones.
02:46Oh, Mr Hooper, any man without work is a problem.
02:50Depends who the man is.
02:51You just can't help some people.
02:53But it's our job to help people. That's why we're here.
02:57What are we supposed to do if a man comes in here every day and he's tried every possible job?
03:00What?
03:01He's talking about Mr Spencer,
03:03Spencer, our most regular customer.
03:06Spencer, has he been here a long time?
03:07He was here before I was.
03:10Mr Rumpford used to deal with him.
03:12Ah, now, Mr Rumpford, yes, I've heard something about that.
03:14Yes.
03:14That was the window he jumped through.
03:18And I got lumbered with Spencer.
03:20Lumbered, Mr Hooper, lumbered.
03:21Would you call finding a man who worked being lumbered?
03:24Mr Rumpford said he was unemployable.
03:26No man is unemployable.
03:28And don't let me hear you using that word in this building again.
03:31Well, he was ten years at the Ashton Labour Exchange before he moved to our district.
03:34I did hear that the staff at Ashton had a collection to help pay for his removal.
03:38Mr Rumpford wanted us to have another collection here so we could send him back again.
03:42That is the most extraordinary story I've ever heard.
03:45I should very much like to meet the man who's tried every possible job.
03:51Good morning.
03:54Oh, good morning.
03:55I'm Mr Bradshaw, the new manager.
03:57Can I help you?
04:08Yes?
04:09Well, Mr Hooper usually deals with me.
04:13He might not like it if someone else did.
04:15Mr Hooper.
04:16Mr Hooper?
04:17Hooper!
04:22What job have you lost this time?
04:24A little more politely, Mr Hooper, if you don't mind.
04:27There.
04:28Conway's Window Cleaning Company, Victoria Road.
04:31Now, how did you mess that up?
04:32Well, I left yesterday afternoon.
04:35You only started yesterday morning.
04:37I don't like heights.
04:38Well, why the hell didn't you tell us?
04:41Mr Hooper, if this gentleman, Mr Spencer, FW.
04:47If Mr Spencer is, um...
04:52Well, if Mr Spencer doesn't like heights,
04:54there wasn't much point in sending him out on a window cleaning job, was there?
04:57He could have been killed.
05:08The one thing you've got to watch on these new cradles, of course, is that you don't touch
05:12the buttons.
05:12They're fully ordered...
05:13What are you doing?
05:14I'm not coming up.
05:15Stop messing about.
05:17Come on.
05:17No, I can't stand heights.
05:18What?
05:21Boys, you come on up.
05:22This is a good boy.
05:24Oh, wait.
05:25You're too good.
05:25Come on, mate.
05:26And never mind about all that.
05:27There's no models.
05:28I can't stand.
05:29Now, wait.
05:29What are you doing?
05:30I'm going to get it.
05:31Just don't...
05:31Let me get it out.
05:33Let me get it.
05:34Put them on your bucket, mate.
05:36Let's just get rid of this bloody broom.
05:38You're stuck!
05:38Don't touch me!
05:40Don't, Kenneth!
05:40Don't, Kenneth!
05:41Let me get out!
05:43Let me get out!
05:44I've got a wife!
05:44Never mind about...
05:45What?
05:45Look out for that bloody...
05:46I'm going!
05:47Oh!
05:48Oh, God!
05:51Everybody's going!
06:02Come down from up there!
06:04You stupid kid!
06:06I told you not to press the button!
06:09Take her out!
06:12Never mind your whip pipe!
06:14Hang on!
06:15Let go of me!
06:16No, don't let go of me!
06:31But, have you actually been fired?
06:34I don't actually know what the official position is, really.
06:38Then why did you leave?
06:39The foreman threw a bucket at me.
06:42Well, I mean, couldn't you explain things to him?
06:44Perhaps he'd let you do the inside windows.
06:47I tried to see him at the hospital.
06:51He's in the same ward as Mr Rumford.
06:54Ah, yes, Mr Rumford.
06:56Could you see any sign of improvement in him?
06:57I couldn't see him at all, really.
07:01It was when the nurse told him I was coming.
07:03He had under the bedcloth.
07:06And the foreman locked himself in the lavatory.
07:09Well, I mean, surely you've got something else for Mr Spencer.
07:12It's quite possible.
07:13I'm willing to have a go at everything.
07:14You have had a go at everything!
07:16Oh, good government!
07:17Show a bit of initiative!
07:17I've done my very best thing!
07:18All right, Mr Huber, right.
07:20I shall deal with this, if you don't mind.
07:27All right, now then, Mr Spencer, educational qualifications.
07:32Do you have any certificates?
07:34Yes, I have one.
07:36Ah, we have one certificate.
07:38O level or A level?
07:4025 yards breaststroke.
07:45Well, I mean, that's hardly relevant, is it, really?
07:50Well, I thought it would help me get a job more easily.
07:53I wanted to be a lifeguard.
07:56Spend your occupation.
07:58Now, I might be able to help you there.
08:00No, it's no good anymore.
08:02Because of my ears.
08:04What's the matter with your ears?
08:06When I get saltwatering them, I go all dizzy.
08:09Mr Huber, I am trying to help this gentleman
08:12finding out if he's had any experience.
08:14He's had plenty of experience.
08:15Just turn over the page.
08:16Yes, all right, I was just about to.
08:20No, I see you were a trainee chef at the Fleece Hotel.
08:23That was before it burned down.
08:26And were you there when the fire started?
08:29He was the only one there when the fire started.
08:32And, uh, postman, plumbers, mate, ticket collector, deck chair attendant, security...
08:38Oh, security guard.
08:39Now, how did that go?
08:43Well...
08:48Rex!
08:50Rex!
08:51Here I am, boy!
08:52Here!
08:52Frank!
08:53Who's that?
08:54Put that down, it's only me.
08:56What you doing here?
08:57Well, I was a little bit worried about you, so I thought I'd come along and see how you're getting
09:01on.
09:01I can't find Rex.
09:04He's my dog.
09:06I wouldn't mind so much, but he's pinched my whistle.
09:10You see, his lead broke.
09:11It's like to use the chain from my whistle to tie him against the door handle.
09:15Didn't want him wandering off.
09:17He's very valuable.
09:18Well, how did he get away from the door handle?
09:21He did and he took it with him.
09:23He wasn't as strong as a horse.
09:25You didn't pass him coming down the road, did you?
09:27No, no, I only saw two lorries go past.
09:31Frank, how long have you been out here?
09:34Oh, since about 1800 hours.
09:37Well, don't you think you ought to be getting back?
09:39I can't go back without my dog and whistle, can I?
09:42I lose my job.
09:45Oh, Frank, look!
09:53Does this belong to you?
09:54Oh, thank you very much.
09:56That's Rex.
09:57He's ever so valuable.
09:59I'm the only one who knows how to handle him.
10:02Down, boy, down.
10:07Down.
10:14I picked him up just along the road.
10:16I was on my way to Gropa's factory.
10:19Oh, well, then it's lucky you've seen me.
10:20I'm the new security guard.
10:23Can I be of assistance?
10:24I have been trained to act in an emergency.
10:27Well, you'd better start acting right away.
10:30Some villains have just knocked off two lorry loads of stuff from your factory.
10:35Oh.
10:39Frank, what will you do next?
10:43Oh, barman, night porter, trainee journalist, yes.
10:47Well, you've certainly been very active.
10:50Now, where were we now?
10:51Oh, it's the education.
10:52Now, you have no certificates at all, I mean, apart from the, um...
10:5625 yards breaststroke.
10:58Well, I don't think we'll, uh, we'll bother with that.
11:00We don't have all that much call for short-distance swimmers.
11:04Um, now then, what school did you attend?
11:08Well, I moved about a bit, really.
11:11I was sort of freelance.
11:13Well, uh, how long were you at, uh, school?
11:17Uh, I mean, when did you start school?
11:21Well, it's difficult to remember exactly.
11:23Yes, well, I don't expect you to remember to the nearest week,
11:26but how old were you when you started school?
11:28Four, five, six, seven...
11:32Ten.
11:34Ten? Oh, good God.
11:35Well, it was a very long journey.
11:38And there weren't any buses.
11:41Uh, how old were you when you left?
11:44About eleven.
11:46You, uh, you only had twelve months at school.
11:49Um, well, I used to go back a bit after that.
11:52But I didn't stay very long.
11:54I got lonely.
11:57You found it difficult to mix with the other children.
12:00There weren't any other children.
12:02Oh, you were the only one in the class?
12:03I was the only one in the school.
12:06My mother used to take me during the summer holidays.
12:10Well, I mean...
12:11So I wouldn't get bullied.
12:15Didn't she want you to have an education?
12:18She didn't want me to mix with the other boys.
12:21Just in case I picked up any dirty habits.
12:27His mother was a bit...
12:29Oh.
12:29What's he say about my mother?
12:31Nobody is saying anything about your mother.
12:33Don't you take my mother's name in vain.
12:35Nobody is taking her name in vain.
12:38But you see, with your lack of proper education...
12:39I didn't have a lack of proper anything.
12:41My mother gave me all the education I needed.
12:45And the caretaker was very helpful too.
12:48Good God, if the education in this country depends on the shoulders of school caretakers...
12:52He was a very nice man.
12:54He kept rabbits.
12:56Look, I don't want to hear about these bloody rabbits.
13:01Ooh.
13:05Mr Rumford never swore at me.
13:08And I don't want to hear about Mr Rumford.
13:10Not even when he jumped through the window.
13:13He was a very nice man.
13:15And I am a very nice man.
13:17You're not.
13:18Look, I have been very nice to you since you came into this building.
13:21You have not. I don't like you.
13:24And if you're going to carry on giving me harassments...
13:27I shall leave.
13:29Now, now, Mr Spencer, please.
13:32I am going to find you a job.
13:34Just give me 24 hours.
13:35Come and see me again tomorrow, hmm?
13:37Saying about my mother?
13:40I'm a man.
13:47I bet you...
13:48I bet you a fiver you can't find him a job he can keep for a week.
13:51You bet me five pounds you are on.
13:54You have got a lot to learn about me, Mr Hooper.
13:56A lot to learn.
13:57You've got a lot to learn about Mr Spencer as well.
14:01Now, this is where to go.
14:03And don't forget to say that I sent you.
14:05And the very best of luck, my son.
14:08Thank you, Mr Brentshaw.
14:12Oh, well, I've just sent Mr Spencer out on a job.
14:17You see, I've been studying his papers very carefully,
14:20and I think the main difficulty was,
14:22he'd always been alone, no one to guide him.
14:25So, where I've sent him,
14:27he'd be working with a team of well-trained, friendly men,
14:30each one capable of giving him sound, helpful advice.
14:41Get your ruddy hand off my trousers.
14:44What are you doing now?
14:45You're trying to pick my pockets.
14:47I'm not.
14:49Good.
14:49I have never seen such a bleeding.
14:54Mr Spencer, do you think you could make a little more effort, please?
14:57Now, if you was to put your hand on the mattress instead of my braces,
15:01we'd move a lot quicker.
15:04We are now behind as it is, sir.
15:07No, no, I'm sorry.
15:08And I'm sorry I've got the piano.
15:11He means the one in the next street, sir.
15:13Yours is all right.
15:15So far.
15:17Revelled it.
15:18Relieve Frank, will you?
15:19No, relieve us all.
15:20Yeah, yeah.
15:20Frank, you go and get the air boards, all right?
15:23And try not to break anything this time.
15:33Everything all right?
15:35Shhh.
15:37Right.
15:39Look out!
15:40I can't.
15:46There.
15:48I see you in the church.
15:50Yes.
15:52My mother was very religious.
15:54Oh, that's very interesting.
15:56I nearly became a priest.
15:58That is interesting.
16:00There were difficulties, though.
16:02Oh, there are always difficulties, I'm afraid.
16:04And what was your particular problem?
16:07They wouldn't have me.
16:09One can't always understand these things.
16:14No, I couldn't understand it at all.
16:16No, one can only pray.
16:18That's what my mother always said.
16:20She used to say, Frank, I'll just have to pray for you.
16:24When I went for a job or anything.
16:25I mean, God moves in a mysterious way as wonders to perform.
16:33That's it.
16:36That's what the priest said when I tried to join up.
16:39I thought I'd mention it, seeing as you're in the same line of business.
16:44I am very glad you spoke to me, Frank.
16:47Mm-hmm.
16:51I suppose you don't often get the chance to have a serious conversation.
16:55Oh, well, in my parish duties I do...
16:57What the hell do you think you do...
16:59Sorry, sir. All right, stay where you are.
17:01Bert, can I be of help?
17:03Not unless you can drive a car, sir.
17:05I want this van shifted forward about six feet.
17:08Bert!
17:09I can drive.
17:11You can drive?
17:13All right, then, go on, then.
17:15Be careful, then.
17:16I'm fine, young man.
17:26Lucky I brought them with me for my driving lesson afterwards.
17:29You're not still taking lessons?
17:31Yes, I'm getting on quite well.
17:33I've had 14 so far.
17:35But, Lucky, are you quite sure it's perfectly all right?
17:38I mean, I don't wish to interfere at all, but you do understand...
17:41Mind your fingers, Reverend.
17:43I say, Mr Foreman.
17:47I say, do forgive me, but...
17:48You'll be all right, sir.
17:49You'll be out of the way, sir.
17:52Who the hell's that?
17:54Frank!
17:55Get out of there!
17:57Frank!
17:57Are you going to try and get out of there?
18:03What's going on?
18:03Oh, my God.
18:13He's going to try and get out of there.
18:14I'll try and get out of there.
18:18You'll never have to try and get out of there.
18:21Ooh!
18:25pity about mr spencer sacked on his first day again must be very worrying for you as well i've
18:32managed to find him something else what another job that was quick oh i don't mess about mr hooper
18:39i believe in getting on with things well do you think he'll be able to keep it mr spencer yes
18:42i
18:43should think so you see there's no great problem it was merely a question of finding out where he
18:47could be fitted in um by the way uh before you both start i thought i ought to tell you
18:55that we
18:55should be having a uh new member of staff uh pressure of work you know he'll be assisting
19:01me in various duties mr bradshaw i am the senior member of your staff i am quite capable of
19:05offering you any assistance you require this is no reflection on you mr hooper at all i merely
19:10thought that fresh blood new ideas would help us a little and i'm sure he'll be a great asset to
19:15all of us ah here he is come in good morning now this is mrs dobson and mr spencer good
19:23morning
19:25and of course you already know mr hooper
19:29now i'm sure they both make you feel at home i thought this was his home
19:33mr spencer would you uh mind waiting out there please
19:37now is something the matter it's not right is it not right i mean you're jeopardizing the entire
19:42unemployment exchanges so you can win your bet our little wager has nothing whatever to do with
19:46it well i'm not giving you the money until he's done a week mr hooper mr spencer is here to
19:51stay
19:51whatever you might think whatever you might think i have found him employment worthy of his talents
20:01they are nice
20:15mr spencer come away from there what are you doing do you know what this is well i thought it
20:22was a sort of tea thing
20:24tea thing this is 300 000 pounds worth of equipment there are only six of these in the entire country
20:29oh what's it do well it stores information it transmits and receives all the data concerning
20:35jobs and men it's called harpo you see named after the firm who invented it that's the harrison adams
20:40research program oscillator and look you see this spool here now this contains two years concentrated
20:48information from every employment exchange in the country and yet within seconds every detail on this
20:55can be transmitted to our computer headquarters at runcorn they've got something like this on clackton
21:00station if you put a penny in it tells your fortune i've got mine with me i always carry it
21:08around
21:09with me my mother is rather proud of it i think there you are kind intelligent and generous
21:18but your ruthless streak could make your enemies lucky color blue
21:26i know it's not really true but i like to look at it when i'm feeling depressed it cheers me
21:31up a bit
21:31oh i'm sure it does but i think you'll find that scientific technology has moved on a little since
21:35the days of fortune telling oh yes you can get milk now where on clackton station
21:42now if it's working what the station now the milk machine my mother always used to think there was a
21:48man inside doing it i couldn't understand machines i told her there wasn't but she made me take the
21:55back off and have a look no she never understood machines my mother it's like ernie she used to send
22:03in christmas cards so he'd remember in the drawer yes yes well there are certain similarities between
22:09earning in this but this is far too complicated for you to understand um still i'm sure i'll pick
22:14it up after i'd had a couple of goes aye a couple of goes oh well mr spencer you surely
22:18don't imagine
22:19that you're going to be allowed to handle this well i can i thought i was going to be your
22:23assistant
22:23no no no i just want you with the building you know to help uh generally now what would you
22:28say
22:28to a cup of tea i wouldn't say no no no i would like a cup of tea i'll get
22:33it for you yes if it's not
22:35too much bother now look the uh kitchen is across the corridor there and mrs jones will show you
22:39where everything is where everything is where's the fire extinguisher oh my god mr hooper fire extinguisher
22:57excuse me mr bradshaw just be by the telephone and i was trying to control it
23:00called the primer Escapist mr bradshaw mr bradshaw mr bradshaw
23:20there's anything that we can hear it
23:23mr bradshaw mr bradshaw mr bradshaw
23:26where's this
23:29well where is it the fire you fool i didn't say there was a fire look you came into my
23:37office
23:37and you asked for a fire extinguisher i just wanted to know where it was
23:50well done mr cooper oh 25 seconds that's not bad for a first
23:56exercise exercise uh fire drill i just wanted to see if you were on your toes
24:00yes miss not you you're fools mr spencer why can't you mind your own business
24:09well you told me that i should look around i wonder what i should do in case of an emergency
24:14if ever there is an emergency the most useful thing that you could do is to get out of this
24:18building as quickly as possible
24:22you no longer have any confidence in me
24:47i don't want you to call to leave of course
24:50of course i know now why don't you go and see about that tea eh
24:55i'm sorry
25:02right your hair oh hello roncorn yes yes certainly right away yes i'll deal with it right
25:10mr hooper computer headquarters run gone on the phone they want a complete check full rundown and
25:16all our information
25:21don't bring that thing in here mr hooper well just keep it out of the way will you
25:25go yes hello roncorn bradshaw here roncorn here we shall want your 1972-73 revised six
25:35uh 1972-73 revised six right right no no no no no that's school 49
25:50there's 49 there's 49 should be 79 there's plenty
25:5849 49 should be 80 there's 49 sure there's 49
26:04there's 49
26:05there's 49
26:26there's 49
26:31Spool 49
26:32You idiot, look what you've done
26:35I'm sorry
26:37Can you remember what was on it?
26:40Remember
26:41There were over 2 million calculations on that one spool alone
26:44Two years worth
26:46And now look at it
26:48I'll get you another cup of tea
26:51We could just have to transmit the master, that's all
26:53And send them the coordinates afterwards
26:55Quick, quick, quick, quick
26:56Yes
26:57Hello, Roncourt, look, I'm sorry about the delay
26:59There's been a slight technical hitch
27:00But you should be getting something through any minute now
27:03Right, hurry up, please
27:04Can you find the master?
27:06We haven't used the master
27:08But I thought they were all in the bottle
27:10Look, and smell something
27:14There's something burning
27:17There's something burning
27:19I'll tell you this, I'm in burning
27:20But I heard it over there
27:22If you'll ignore me, I can't
27:35Groucho
27:36Oh my god
27:46That's rancorn gone up too
27:49I want a full report about this
27:52In writing
27:53Yes, sir
27:55I'll pay for any damage
27:59300,000 pounds worth
28:02I'll offer my services for nothing
28:05Rancorn costs 2 million
28:06I work nights
28:08Get out, get out, you are hired
28:26I'll be off then
28:30If any other little thing comes up
28:32I'll be interested
28:36Yes
28:37Yes, there is something
28:39Now, look
28:40Would you
28:41Take this home
28:43Read it carefully
28:44And follow the instructions
28:48Emigrate to Australia
28:50You see, look
28:51I think you'll do well there
28:52Now, you see the man in the picture
28:54He's a sort of a cowboy
28:55And he's got 5,000 sheep, eh?
28:58Now, that would suit you, wouldn't it?
28:595,000 sheep, eh?
29:00You see, if you had 5,000 sheep
29:03You could afford to lose a few
29:04You know, I mean
29:05People would hardly notice, wouldn't they?
29:08Now
29:09After all
29:10I couldn't lose them all, could I?
29:18I couldn't
29:19Betty, I've lost them!
29:27Boys!
29:28Boys!
29:30Boys!
29:32Boys!
29:35Boys!
29:36Boys!
29:38Boys!
29:40Boys!
29:41Boys!
29:43Boys!
29:44Boys!
29:45Boys!
29:45Boys!
29:46Boys!
29:46Boys!
29:47Boys!
29:47Boys!
29:49Boys!
29:49Boys!
29:51Boys!
29:51Boys!
29:53Boys!
29:54Boys!
29:54Boys!
29:55Boys!
29:57Boys!
29:59Boys!
30:00Boys!
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