- 15 hours ago
Last Of The Summer Wines S03 Ep6 Going To Gordon's Wedding
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00:28Piano music
00:39Hey!
00:41Oh, go on, Nora, don't look about.
00:45I'm left out of the lost body.
00:47I just wanted to fix me flower to my buttonhole.
00:54Nora, oh, come to me, Nora.
00:58I'm sure the world are much lucky eyes.
01:07Hey, if that carries on like this, I'll never bring me a piece of wedding cake.
01:15Covered in mop fluff.
01:17You mean my suit's going to get covered in mop fluff?
01:19Listen, I didn't end you that suit just to enliven your love life.
01:23But before, it's just that I can't resist the opportunity to rouse them.
01:28You've made progress since the days when she only used to throw things at you.
01:32I'm the only one she goes for with a mop.
01:34Don't they say that romance is dead?
01:40Oh, you look lovely.
01:42Then what are you crying for?
01:44Because it's not good enough for you.
01:46Oh, Mother, don't start that today.
01:48It's just that when this day came, I always hoped that me and your father always hoped...
01:55Mother, we both know that me father always hopes what he's told.
01:59We both hoped to see you standing at the altar with somebody in business or commercial circles.
02:06Are you leaving me like this?
02:08Why, what's wrong with it?
02:09I can't see.
02:10You'll either have to move it or get me a white walking stick.
02:13Oh, you lusted thing.
02:16I don't know why you ever finished with him from building society.
02:20He was very steady.
02:21I couldn't stand him counting everything.
02:24Even you how many crisps he'd had in every bag.
02:27You know, got a mortgage.
02:29His family are common.
02:30I'm not marrying his family.
02:32Well, I'm dreading this wedding.
02:34Did he have to invite that scruffy uncle of his in with the wellies?
02:37I just wanted you to have a marriage with a little dignity and mutual consideration about it.
02:43Am I all right wearing this dye?
02:45No.
02:45Go and put your grey one on.
02:46Don't be so useless.
02:51Hey.
02:53Get out of the road.
02:56We'll have one side of this family looking respectable.
02:59I should have to think what the other lot, when they all get together, are going to be like.
03:10Do you really want all this in your buttonhole?
03:15Hey, I hope I found the pink.
03:22God, he looks like a Japanese sniper.
03:27Very interesting.
03:30I suppose it'll have to do.
03:33He reminds me of George Raft.
03:36Ah.
03:36What in?
03:37In my suit.
03:41Yeah, I lost some weight.
03:43You're having a very good wash, haven't you?
03:46I hope I've had a bath.
03:49What?
03:50In fragrant essence.
03:52Hello, Mattelow.
03:54I'm not going to laugh on that.
03:56There's no happy medium with him, is there?
03:58Either it's ferrets or...
03:59Or fragrant essence of ferrets.
04:01That is a new bath time novelty.
04:04Smells like a scarlet woman.
04:06What do you know about scarlet women?
04:08The dearest I've ever been is pale pink.
04:12On that subject, my lips are sealed.
04:14Aye, and I bet you had both hands on your wallet and your legs crossed.
04:19Drop the pin.
04:20Ah, leave it, you great ninny.
04:23I'll do it.
04:25It's a long time since we've been to a wedding.
04:28Oh, well.
04:29I dare say we'll soon get the hang of it.
04:31Well, there's a lot there.
04:32We never know what we might get.
04:34Because I hope there's not going to be any fighting.
04:36Ah, don't be daft.
04:37Everybody fights at weddings.
04:39I don't believe it's actually compulsory.
04:43No, but there's such a thing as tradition, isn't there?
04:46I think we should leave immediately after the wedding cake.
04:50What?
04:51And Mr Boo's up?
04:53Yes, definitely.
04:54The combination of your relations and alcohol fills me with a deep foreboding.
05:00Our Eric can't lick, touches and drop.
05:02No, but on the other hand, what your Eric touches, he tends to drop straight into his pocket.
05:07Don't worry, there'll be keeping an eye on him.
05:09He won't licking out.
05:11No, you see what we're in for, don't you?
05:13It's the social event of the year.
05:15Don't worry, Foggy.
05:16It's a bit like flying, really.
05:18When you consider how many weddings there are, it makes you realise what a safe way it is to go.
05:25It's just that with regard to weddings, if there is an accident, then it's usually rather a nasty one.
05:33Why don't you polish that mirror?
05:35Now, if you remind me straight after the wedding, I'll show you how to get a high gloss on all
05:39your bright surfaces.
05:40And you can't say fairer than that.
05:45Oh, I can't do it.
05:49What do I want the polished mirror for?
05:53You genuinely don't realise, do you, what great pleasure there is to be got from polishing things.
06:02Well, are you ready, then?
06:03Oh, no, no, wait, wait, I've got to get me ready.
06:07Oh, I say, I say, I say.
06:10Now, that is, that's very nice.
06:12Yes.
06:12And it works.
06:13Yes, very tasty, isn't it?
06:16I think so.
06:17You know, there are times when you astonish me.
06:20What?
06:20Well, what he means is that he's just got used to you as a no-good scruff.
06:26You see?
06:27And then you come up with something stolen like this.
06:30I got that from our illness clock.
06:33All right, why, just checking.
06:34Just checking.
06:34No hard feelings, eh?
06:37I know when I'm hurt.
06:40How?
06:41I'll get this gravy in for cheese.
06:44Why don't you fight it?
06:46Oh, a card, a card, I'm basically a weak persona.
06:49Holder.
06:50Is that why they cut your ears off?
06:53What happened?
06:55They were there a couple of minutes ago.
06:57Yeah, well, get them found and let's get this present wrapped up.
07:00What do we want to wrap it up for?
07:02Have you no sense of occasion?
07:05Do you want to make this into a neat parcel?
07:07Now, where's the box it came in?
07:08Ah, over here.
07:09I don't suppose you've got any fancy wrapping paper, have you?
07:12No, but I've got some of them red letters from the electricity poles.
07:15Well, they do.
07:17Perhaps you can borrow some nice paper from Nora Batty.
07:20Oh, I wouldn't go next door.
07:22She's in a very antisocial mood this morning.
07:27Here.
07:30Wait.
07:32I don't trust my ferrets.
07:36There's a way of doing these things without upsetting people.
07:39It's called politeness.
07:49Oh, it's a question of having an instant for the common courtesies that smooth the pathways of life.
07:55Good morning, madam.
07:56I...
08:12And don't be inviting everybody back to the house.
08:15Me?
08:15Yes, you.
08:17We get some mail down you and you start acting like Charlie Claw.
08:20You're rubbish.
08:22Just watch your big generous mouth, that's all.
08:24I don't mind a select few back here afterwards,
08:27but what this place doesn't need is a mob of the bridegroom's relations.
08:31He can't help his relations.
08:33He doesn't have to.
08:34They'll help them blast themselves.
08:36And I want you to keep an eye out when in presence.
08:39Now, don't go looking for trouble, Madge.
08:41Not today.
08:42Looking for it?
08:44We've even sent out printed invitations.
08:46Just be thankful she's marrying a nice quiet lad.
08:50That's another thing.
08:51Do you think she'll ever teach him to talk?
08:53Be shy.
08:54You can be worse things than shy.
08:57Besides, once he's married,
08:59when will he ever get a chance to talk?
09:05It's time, Gordon.
09:08Gordon?
09:10Are you in there?
09:13Gordon!
09:16I'll be out in a minute, ma'am.
09:18Well, tax is due, and Mrs Womack's come round to wish you all the best.
09:22I don't know Mrs Womack.
09:25Of course you know Mrs Womack.
09:26She plays organ at Wheat Sheaf.
09:28I'll never go in.
09:30Well, I do.
09:32Perhaps she's come to wish you all the best.
09:35Gordon, come out.
09:37Mrs Womack's downstairs and wants to have a drink with you.
09:40It's too early.
09:42You don't have to drink, love.
09:44Just be pleasant while she drinks to you.
09:48How long have you been going in the Wheat Sheaf?
09:50Does it matter?
09:55You want to get married, don't you, love?
09:57Of course I want to get married.
09:59It's just that there's going to be too many people there.
10:02You know, you ought to try to like people.
10:05I do.
10:06Behind their backs.
10:08Sorry to meet them, I can't stand.
10:10Oh, you're queer.
10:11I know there's been a lot of rumours,
10:13but they should stop now for a while.
10:18And now, you see, all we need to do
10:20is to fix it firmly with some sticky tape.
10:23Er, Foggy, there is.
10:24Just a minute, just a minute.
10:25But, Foggy, there is.
10:26Just a moment.
10:27But, Foggy, look, maybe.
10:29I'll be finished in just a moment.
10:33Then, Walt, listen.
10:34He's a man of action.
10:36Napoleon was just the same.
10:37I have been with you in a moment.
10:40Oh, you've got to admire his powers of concentration.
10:44It's wonderful how far you can go
10:47in the direction of leadership
10:48without ever actually listening to anybody.
10:52There now.
10:54Doesn't that look better?
10:55Oh, true.
10:56It's marvellous, marvellous.
10:57There's just one thing, Foggy.
10:59Hmm?
11:08What's in here, then, you're free?
11:09Nothing.
11:10Not before you were trying to tell me.
11:11Yes, sir.
11:12No!
11:13No, no, don't do that.
11:22Well, no doubt there'll be a professional
11:24hack photographer there,
11:26but when it comes to catching spontaneity,
11:29you know, those little transient moments
11:31of informality
11:32give me a talented amateur every time.
11:35Oh, every time.
11:37Because I shall mingle,
11:38or unobtrusively with the guests.
11:41Now, that's another secret of good photography.
11:43You know, the man behind the shutter
11:44must be inconspicuous.
11:48Oh, stop mauling that parcel about, will you?
11:50Put it away.
11:51It's got so much sticky tape on her
11:53take of a wink that undo it.
11:55Well, put it in your pocket.
11:56Half the joy of a gift is in the unwrapping.
11:59That's what I keep telling all about it.
12:01But she won't unwrapping out.
12:04Don't show yourself up.
12:05I want you to make a good impression today.
12:08He must become a peasant.
12:10Doesn't he know that you're really
12:11an international playboy
12:13on dual feet?
12:15I must have forgot.
12:17Well, you could fool them
12:18with that disguise.
12:19Oh, that's almost perfect.
12:22What they're talking about
12:22is absolutely perfect.
12:36How to worry.
12:38How are you, kid?
12:39Hey, Malcolm.
12:40You want to be a kid?
12:41Who after?
12:43Not just yet, thank you.
12:45What you doing?
12:47Come on.
12:48Here.
12:49That was like poof.
12:52That's the other glass, mate.
12:53If they must drink in the street,
12:55the least they could do
12:56is use a glass.
12:57I've a good mind to go
12:58and get two glasses
12:59and take them out to them.
13:00Foggy, I want you to promise me something.
13:02I want you to promise me
13:03that on this festive occasion
13:04you will not go around
13:05like a suicidal lion tamer
13:07without a pair of great,
13:08shaggy, terrifying creatures.
13:11I know how to handle men.
13:14That's our milk and our henry.
13:16One can only hope
13:17they don't breed in captivity.
13:21Hang on.
13:22I'm coming.
13:24Oh, well.
13:26I told him you'd be here.
13:29Hello, Bill.
13:30Gordon.
13:31Come on.
13:31Stop dawning.
13:32Everybody's waiting.
13:33Go on, you daft thing.
13:34Hey, Gordon.
13:36Have you got your head out, nice lad?
13:37Don't get your head out of here, ma'am.
13:41Get him out.
13:44Gordon.
13:46Gordon.
13:47Haven't you forgot something?
13:54No, you daft ape.
13:56But you're best man.
13:58Oh, you gormless thing you are.
14:00Oh, yeah.
14:01Oh, yeah.
14:03Oh, damn it.
14:05I fancy a bird.
14:08She wants a man, not a marlin.
14:10I don't like anybody else looking at her.
14:13Tough.
14:15Like you've just been looking at her.
14:17I might decide to offer her my protection.
14:20She's had mine,
14:21ever since her husband ran away.
14:23I haven't got you very far.
14:25Time somebody else had a go.
14:30Oh, yeah.
14:32Yeah.
14:34Yeah.
14:36Listen.
14:36Yeah.
14:37Why don't we go to some other wedding?
14:38Yeah.
14:43Go on, be quick.
14:44Oh, you are slow.
14:46Go on, then.
14:46Get out of there.
14:47Oh.
14:51Oh.
14:54If you didn't want to be conspicuous,
14:56you picked a hell of a best man.
14:59Come on, love.
15:00Come on, yeah.
15:01Hurry up.
15:04Get in.
15:05Steady, steady.
15:06Oh.
15:09It's all right.
15:10I'll drive.
15:11It'll give me something to do.
15:24Good to see you, Lord.
15:31Come on, love.
15:35Go on, look.
15:36Oh, I knew you'd do me proud, that's it.
15:39Come on, I'm so glad you're able to come.
15:42Just come on, love, make yourselves at home.
15:44Then we'll all go to church in minibus.
15:46Shall I keep your millet?
15:48Oh, I do like these, don't you?
15:51Oh, oh.
16:03Oh, I'm about to be a fluttered, I'm forgetting me mamans.
16:09Well, anyway, you do know Flo and Fred, don't you?
16:12Shall I be a minute, love, I'll just take me curlers out.
16:14Oh, it's all good.
16:17Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
16:46Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
16:52Ha, ha, ha, ha.
16:52Hmm.
17:01Get, get, get out, get out of the...
17:10Oh!
17:15Have a peppermint.
17:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
17:21Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
17:30Have a peppermint.
17:32I don't smoke.
17:33Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
17:35uh would you like uh oh not just now thank you not just now thank you
17:49haven't you ever seen a non-peppermint eater before
17:57you see what you'd get when you do away with national service
18:02i never got that when they did away with national service
18:06oh oh dear this bar you'll have to prune that shrubbery you know you're gonna get green fly
18:13in your ear oh oh god look look at that
18:28god knows what they might get up to get amongst your bushes
18:35very interesting
18:38oh are we all ready then i'm so sorry to spoil your cozy little chat
18:42come on now to go minibuses waiting that oh you do look nice in that act flow
18:47come on they're very open you know what clothes like if you keep awake
18:50oh there we are go on get out of there
18:56oh julie it isn't your turn yet
19:00go on get out into that minibus i don't know god help us
19:16f-16 oh that's nice language for a church that is
19:26come on now
19:27come on
19:39come on
19:41come on
19:41come on
19:46come on
20:23I've told you innumerable times
20:25not for standing in my life.
20:28Since when has it made you a light all of a sudden?
20:31You are stopping sunlight!
20:38You've got a keen photographer's instinct, Foggy,
20:41for not exposing yourself in front of big shaggy fellas.
21:05You've got it!
21:13I should ask for a last fag in a blindfold, if I were you.
21:19Here.
21:21Have a bit!
21:22No!
21:24I don't know what you're going on about.
21:27He's the one that's getting wet.
21:30Yes!
21:31Now listen!
21:32Oh, God!
21:41Dolly, we'll sit here.
22:08Okay, okay, okay.
22:14What do you like, please?
22:16Oh, thanks, Lester.
22:17There's nothing up there on the board.
22:21Psst, psst.
22:23What can I find you for you?
22:24Oh, it is nice and gentle.
22:26Oh, it is nice and gentle.
22:27Oh, it is nice and gentle.
22:28Oh, it is nice and gentle.
22:29Oh, it is nice and gentle.
22:31Oh, it is nice and gentle.
22:43Oh, it is nice and gentle.
23:09Oh, it is nice and gentle.
23:36They're not paying now.
23:38They send us a bill.
23:39it's not right to keep people
23:42just remember
23:43you're going to be on view forever
23:45in your wedding photographs
23:46try not to look like a father who's uneasy in his best suit
23:49you've seen so many times in wedding photographs
23:52embarrassed fathers pining for their overalls
24:25look come on
24:26I can't find the ring
24:39oh
24:39oh
24:40oh
24:41oh
24:44what are you doing
24:46shut up
24:46he's nicked me but no
24:48shut up
24:49what
24:51ahhhh
24:51ahhhh
24:52ahhhh
24:52ahhhh
24:53ahhhh
24:53ahhhh
24:54ahhhh
24:55ahhhh
24:55ahhhh
24:57ahhhh
24:58ahhhh
24:59ahhhh
24:59ahhhh
25:00ahhhh
25:01ahhhh
25:09a centimeter
25:15ahhhh
25:16ahhhh
25:17ahhh
25:22ahhhh
25:24dear me
25:25how very unfortunate
25:28and who or� is to be the new best man
25:39is my uncle Bill in that case what about it your vicarage shall we get going
25:57in sickness and in health to love cherish and to obey to love cherish and to obey till death us
26:07do part
26:09and thereto I give thee my trough till death us do part and thereto I give thee my trough
26:26the ring the ring the ring the ring the ring have you got the ring oh it's gone to the
26:43hospital
26:46let's go on to the hospital with the other best man can't somebody fetch it please
26:56you forget I've been trained to make rapid decisions in emergencies but did you have
27:00to volunteer for me well I'm not traveling alone with these two argumentative gentlemen
27:04do I have to make a speech if I'm best man not right now your quickest way is Demby Street
27:10rubbish I'm telling you turn down Demby Street oh my god they're fighting over the wheel
27:16I'm telling you Demby Street not to talk get your big hands off this way
27:19Demby Street
27:35help I've got it I've got it I've got it
27:54yes the ring oh the ring
28:09go oh the ring Oh my god yeah the ring oh yeah the ring
28:17yes the ring oh my god yeah the ring oh no the ring