- 2 days ago
Last Of The Summer Wines S02 Ep7 Northern Flying Cirus
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00:26I wonder if I ought to give up better than the horses.
00:30I don't believe it.
00:31I should give up losing. Just bet on winners.
00:34Maybe I'll start betting on the dogs.
00:37Oh, now I believe it.
00:38You see, I didn't quite understand at first.
00:40I thought he was flirting dangerously with common sense, but he isn't.
00:44Are you?
00:45No.
00:46You had me worried for a minute.
00:48The world is changing that fast, you don't know what to rely on.
00:51But if he abandons stupidity, that's my last certainty gone.
00:55Well, my last certainty's gone at all. Come in fifth.
00:59Well, you won't be able to put so much on dogs.
01:01They're smaller.
01:02So that'll save you some money.
01:07I think I've had you a nice lolly.
01:09I mean, take dovetail joints.
01:12Well, where are they?
01:14Well, I don't know.
01:15You tell us.
01:15You've just invited us on the tour.
01:18Well, there aren't any.
01:19Well, how can we see them, you duckbiller?
01:21Well, that's the whole point.
01:23They've disappeared.
01:25Another standard of quality gone from our lives.
01:27Nah, people never looked at them any road.
01:30Do you imagine that's what they used to do on Sunday afternoons?
01:32Say, hey-ho, let's go out for an hour and have a look at some dovetail joints.
01:37But they didn't have to go looking for them.
01:39They knew they could rely on them being there.
01:42They knew their drawers wouldn't fall to pieces if somebody gave them a bit of a talk.
01:46Oh, I see.
01:47So that's what they used to do on a Sunday afternoon.
01:51Oh, it's no good talking to some people.
01:53Serves me right for lowering me class barrier.
01:55Yeah, you lowered it all right when you went out with Mabel Duckingfield.
01:58Oh, I never went out with Mabel Duckingfield, I did?
02:01Never!
02:02I'd sort it together up at Claybank.
02:04Well, she foisted herself onto me bird-watching expeditions, but I never invited her.
02:08Come on, Pete.
02:09It's perfectly true.
02:10I'd get out there, all keyed up for a peep at a wimble.
02:15There'd be a rustle in the bushes, and damn me, Mabel Duckingfield.
02:19And would she hell as lay quiet and let me poke twigs in her hat?
02:23And it wasn't funny.
02:25I bet she cost me more, that girl, only theologically speaking.
02:29Oh, well, he means that while he was out with Mabel Duckingfield,
02:32he never got much more than a glimpse of a few tail feathers.
02:35Heyo, it's good enough for a start.
02:42I see Gordon Harcroft's lass has got herself wed, setting a good example to her father.
02:49Maybe he'll have a go now.
02:52How long's he been living with Ginny now?
02:54Well, not long after the first buzz bomb, he moved as lodger into her spare bedroom.
02:59No, I'm not suggesting there was any connection.
03:02Oh, knowing Gordon, I bet it weren't long before there weren't a connection.
03:06You're worse than women have gossiped you two.
03:09Oh, well, we've not had so much practice.
03:12Huh?
03:13They buried old man flowers last Thursday, then.
03:16I didn't even know he was dead.
03:18I suppose he must have been.
03:22Hey, Norm, I wonder what it's like being dead.
03:26Well, no worse than living in bad digs, say, in Manchester.
03:30Don't worry about it.
03:31If old man flowers can do it, anybody can.
03:34You should try the consolations of religion.
03:37Who wants to spend all of eternity in a chapel?
03:40And half of them not decorated any road.
03:43No, I'm not going to go if I can't take my ferrets.
03:45Well, look at this.
03:47Little Billy Aubrey's dead and buried.
03:50How are they?
03:52I don't believe it.
03:54It makes you think.
03:55Certainly does.
03:56I wonder what they're doing with his motorbike.
04:09What the devil do you want a motorbike for?
04:12Birds!
04:13You can always get birds if you're on two wheels.
04:16I'm not saying that we do want a motorbike.
04:18It's just that if we did, then we'd want a slow old thing like Billy's.
04:22Just to potter about on.
04:24Something we could all drive.
04:27And with the price of petrol being what it is...
04:30We'd get some teacher going.
04:31And that's only accidents.
04:33Haven't you seen it?
04:34It's not your gleaming speed bird.
04:37It's more your ruptured duck.
04:38So you're going to take advantage of the widow in her heart of bereavement.
04:43Haven't you seen Billy's missus either?
04:45Annie Aubrey.
04:47Ooh, you've a treat in store.
04:51Call yourself an insurance man.
04:53Now, don't come here, you silly faggot, till you've got a fistful of brass.
04:56That gets it quick enough.
04:56Now it's time to get some re-shelled out.
04:59Come in here with daft tails.
05:01It's risks he's running, not insurance.
05:04Sorry to hear about your belly, Annie.
05:06Why, what's he done?
05:08I stayed.
05:09Why?
05:11I never get used to it.
05:12Come in.
05:38Come in.
05:38I'll get on, didn't you?
05:41Get off, Buck.
05:43Good.
05:44That's it.
05:45All right, off I go.
05:46Off we...
05:49Shhh.
05:51He...
05:52He...
05:53He...
05:54He...
05:54He...
05:54He...
05:54He...
05:54He...
05:55He...
05:55He...
05:57He...
05:58He...
06:03Oh, ha-ha!
06:05He-he-he-he-he!
06:07He-he-he-he-he!
06:09Ye-ha!
06:10Hey!
06:13Ah!
06:14Ah!
06:17Not the hell to think you're doing, am I?
06:22Hey!
06:23Hey!
06:25Hey!
06:26Oh!
06:28Hey!
06:28Hey!
06:30Hey!
06:40Help!
06:43Help!
06:44Come on!
06:45Hey-ho!
06:46Hey!
06:48You know you're not supposed to be in a place where they serve food?
06:52Not since you've had that skin complaint!
06:55I've just about had enough of you, you little layabout!
06:58Don't come in here with...
07:03Don't come in here with jokes like that!
07:06Oh, I'm joking, Ivy, love!
07:07I like laying on your chest!
07:10Oh!
07:10Get out!
07:13What are you grinning at?
07:15They're all crackers, you know, him and his dozy friends.
07:17But you needn't worry.
07:18It's not contagious.
07:20They don't leave out nasty on the crockery.
07:22Like a tip.
07:24Cyril!
07:25Cyril!
07:25You can't withdraw from motorcycling circles before we've even got the engine started.
07:31You've just nearly killed me in free will!
07:34Ah!
07:34That went out!
07:35We could do better than that!
07:36I believe it!
07:38I believe it!
07:39I've seen the writing on the wall!
07:41What's it say?
07:41The wear of little scruffy twops in the saddle!
07:45A midget cowboy!
07:46Hey!
07:47I wonder who that could be!
07:48Listen, Cyril!
07:50It'll be different when we get the engine going!
07:52It will and all!
07:53I shall be watching from a safe distance!
07:55No, but you see, when we've got the engine going, then you've got more control!
07:59Now, we'll have a bit of a practice on some waste ground,
08:01and then we'll all get kitted out in the suitable gear!
08:04Like bandages!
08:08Right, steady how you go, love!
08:09Watch the road!
08:11Ain't anything to run over your little puddings!
08:15You big flossy!
08:17Pussing around with the girls!
08:19It's a proprietor's duty to foster good customer relations!
08:23And what sort of relations you'd foster given half a chance?
08:25Not yours for a flaming star!
08:27Oh!
08:29Hey!
08:29What's up with him, then?
08:30Playing hard to get?
08:31Nah, he's just getting nervous!
08:33And all we're trying to do is to introduce him to the freest thing on the road today!
08:38Not the horrible bird you used to knock about with!
08:40No!
08:41We've just bought little Billy Aubrey's old outfit!
08:45His old outfit?
08:46What, the Royal Navy?
08:46No, you're daft, they'll see!
08:49He's bought your bike and sidecar!
08:50Oh, I thought...
08:51I knew we'd lost a few ships, but bloody hell!
08:54We've just bought!
08:56What?
08:56Well, I told you I would owe you my shit till I get to win four!
08:59And there Annie has just given us all Billy's old riding gear!
09:03And funnily enough, it's just about my size!
09:06Which is more than can be said for that horrible bird that you used to knock about with!
09:10Ruby!
09:11The one built like a forklift croc!
09:13Oh, Pauline!
09:14Well, what was Ruby like?
09:15Oh, she had black hair!
09:17Oh, I remember!
09:17On her legs!
09:19No!
09:21She wore it in a bun!
09:22She hadn't had it trailing in her soup and all!
09:25Hello, the black tulip!
09:27Hey, Dave O'Cogden!
09:29Hey, Dave O'Cogden!
09:29Hey, Dave O'Cogden!
09:30Whose is that motorcycle combination parked outside, halfway across Flamin' High Street?
09:37No, no, no!
09:38How's your mum, David?
09:40Yes, tell me, is this the same Dave O'Cogden who attended evening classes with me last winter?
09:45A course of six lectures on Western philosophy and a wine tasting?
09:49We had just defeated the Japanese at Mandalay!
09:52I was having a bath in a steel helmet!
09:55What if I said?
09:56I know that face!
09:58And there he was, covered in Japanese blood but smiling!
10:01Dave O'Cogden!
10:02You've got two seconds to move it!
10:10Some might say it's a powerful sexual symbol, but I think the wheels are too short!
10:17Can you see?
10:18Can you see his carburettor?
10:19Only when I bend down!
10:23That's all!
10:24This one's gone dark!
10:25Somebody put the knife!
10:48Come on!
10:49Come on!
10:49Come on!
10:50Come on!
10:51Come on inside!
10:52Good heavens, I can't even put a hat on one.
10:55Get in, get in.
11:03Now, just take it easy.
11:05I ain't biting my tongue.
11:08Your tongue? It's a tongue.
11:09I don't care what it is, I ain't biting it.
11:13I'm surprised you should say that.
11:14I was only thinking how well you were doing it.
11:16It weren't me that were doing it with me.
11:18Rubbish.
11:19Damn, you could control it.
11:20You can't have a great slippery lump rolling about your mouth.
11:24Make it behave.
11:25It does behave normally.
11:27Well, it can't be doing if it's leaping in the way
11:28when your teeth are going past.
11:30Must be a terrible life being a tongue,
11:33having to keep your head down all the time.
11:35Must be a terrible life being his tongue,
11:37and all the rubbish he keeps sliding down it.
11:39What rubbish?
11:40Well, them rotting great sandwiches of yours for a start.
11:43What must he make of them?
11:45They must think he's being buried alive.
11:47Get off! What do you think you're doing?
11:49Well, you're tough, aren't you?
11:50You're the test pilot.
11:52Nerds of steel.
11:52You're going to nip out there any minute
11:54and zoom off into the wild blue yonder.
11:57I'm only going to drive round the bloody yard.
11:59Oh, come on.
12:09That's right.
12:10On you, Ben.
12:11Yeah.
12:11Come on.
12:13Come on.
12:17Come on.
12:17Come on.
12:17Come on.
12:18Come on.
12:19Come on.
12:22Come on.
12:23Go on.
12:26Watch a minute.
12:27I want the goggles.
12:28I can't drive it without the goggles.
12:30There.
12:31There.
12:36Hang on.
12:36Wait a minute.
12:37That's it.
12:45Oh!
12:46Oh!
12:47Oh!
12:48Oh!
12:50Oh!
12:50Oh!
12:50Oh!
12:52Oh!
12:53Oh!
12:58Oh!
13:00Oh!
13:01Oh!
13:04Oh!
13:05Oh!
13:06Oh!
13:07I have never seen such a blasted performance.
13:11You're only going round the yard, so what do you want goggles for anyway?
13:15Because it's dangerous if you don't wear them on a motorbike, you might get grit in your eyes.
13:19But you're not planning on driving and having your eyes open, are you?
13:23Not till you got used to the damn thing.
13:25Goggles!
13:26I suppose you'd like us ready with a fire tender.
13:28And you're entirely without a parachute, you know, if you have to bail out.
13:32Oh, it's all right for you.
13:33You've got your feet on the ground now.
13:35You just wait till I get you back in that sidecar.
13:38Oh!
13:38Oh!
13:40Oh!
13:41Oh!
13:42Has it stopped?
13:44Well, it doesn't seem to be ticking.
13:46Maybe you forgot to wind it.
13:48That's not very likely.
13:50He keeps poking about with it.
13:51Leave it alone.
13:52He'll wear it out.
13:54It's all right for you.
13:55You didn't get a clock, did you?
13:57I can tell you, conks is painful things.
13:59It made my eyes water, I tell you that much.
14:01Yes, it's funny that, isn't it?
14:03I mean, if you bang your knee, it doesn't make your toes leak.
14:07And what about acupuncture?
14:09Oh, it'll be all right.
14:10He'll have a repair outfit in the toolkit.
14:14Are you ready for the off, then, Biggles?
14:31Oh, I'll take your back a sec.
14:34Please excuse my poor blind friend.
14:37I thought that you fighter pilots were supposed to be bung full of carrots.
14:40What's all this about seeing in the dark?
14:41Where the cockles have all got, Mr. Milk?
14:44Well, leave them up there now.
14:45Come on.
14:49Come on, come on.
14:51Sit on it.
14:53Sit on it.
14:54All right.
14:56Come on.
14:59Come on.
15:00Switch around.
15:02Come on.
15:04Come on.
15:04Come on.
15:04Come on, come on.
15:09Come on.
15:11Come on.
15:13Come on.
15:24What is that, Dicke?
15:27No!
15:32No!
15:35No!
15:39Oh!
15:41Oh!
15:44Oh!
15:45Oh!
15:46Oh!
15:49Oh!
15:51Oh!
16:04Well, now that you've discovered where you really need your goggles, what's next?
16:11Well, I think me welly must have slipped.
16:15But I think I've got the nap now, though.
16:17Well, I wouldn't be too sure after a clout like that.
16:19Before you start boasting, I would do a bit of stock-taking.
16:24Oh, that made me feel quite sick for a moment.
16:28I've been feeling sick, which we started.
16:30I've never seen such a maladjusted performance.
16:33Have you put a jinx on it?
16:34I haven't put out on it.
16:36Don't worry, it's wearing off now.
16:40Oh, I'm getting my rag up now, I tell you.
16:43Stand it, stand it, stand it.
16:43I'll show that black oily pellet next time, I tell you.
16:46Oh, I don't think I can go through all that again.
16:48The suspense, you feel, it's killing me.
16:50Oh, don't worry, don't worry, it's all coming back to me.
16:54Ah, we can see that.
16:55The same kind of mechanical idiocy that broke my clockwork Napoleon at school.
17:00Oh, Cyril, don't you bear a grudge.
17:03Three and eleven it cost me in them days.
17:06Well, I only wanted to see what he got up his jacket.
17:08It had two blasted holes where its keys went.
17:11Oh, so that's why he always had his hand in there.
17:14It must have been useful for storing his plans.
17:16He turned him on and he pointed towards Moscow.
17:19But you went and bust his spring.
17:21And now he's stuck eternally with his hand pointing down the front of his trousers.
17:27Who wouldn't want to buy an old Napoleon any road?
17:30You were just trying to creep round history, teacher.
17:33Anybody else with three and eleven would have bought themselves a motorboat.
17:37And then with the change, they could have had a quick sail round Audrey Singleton.
17:42Well, never mind about motorboats.
17:44What about motorbikes?
17:45Are you ready to leap fearlessly into the saddle and away then?
17:49Flash?
17:51Oh.
17:52You're off the seat.
17:58Ah-ha-ha.
17:59Ah-ha.
18:00I am ready when they are.
18:02Well, get off with it then.
18:03Are you coming?
18:04That's when we hear that engine start.
18:12Will he be all right, do you think?
18:13Oh, he shouldn't come to much harm out there.
18:16Well, he hasn't done so bad up to now, has he?
18:18Probably better on his own with nobody staring at him.
18:21I wonder which way he's pointing.
18:22I can't remember.
18:23Does it matter?
18:24Well, it does if she gallops away with him.
18:26I understood they have something called steering.
18:29There are things you could twist, aren't there?
18:31Like your spine.
18:33We are not going to pamper him.
18:34We are not going out there to bother him any more.
18:37Two scotches, please.
18:38We've carried him all over the place.
18:40It's time he had a bit of personal responsibility.
18:42Yes, I agree with all that, Cyril,
18:44but what you've got to remember is that he's not all that bright.
18:47Well, you could say that,
18:48but I prefer to think of him as being downright stupid.
18:53In compensation, God, in his wisdom,
18:55gave him a low, natural cunning.
18:57But would that sort of package deal
18:59have included the use of a motorbike?
19:03Anyway, absent friend.
19:04Down is Bran's hatch.
19:08We should have heard him kicking it by now.
19:11I'll bet he's tried to push that starter with his hand this time
19:14and it swung round and clocked him on the chin.
19:30Maybe he's stretched out on the floor, bleeding.
19:32Can't see him from here.
19:36Oh, he's been picked up, obviously, by a passing ambulance.
19:40Why not a band of marauding Indians?
19:43Don't be so damn cheerful.
19:45Where is he, then?
19:50Where have you been?
19:52Have you broken anything?
19:54Not whistling to keep our spirits up, are you?
19:56I've been for a whittle.
19:58Oh, you're broken anything.
20:00We've been sitting in full, you bum-cake.
20:03Expecting to hear you.
20:05Why?
20:05I only had three arms.
20:08Don't encourage him.
20:11Grotty, Herbert.
20:12We might all have been a lot better off
20:14if the Wright brothers had never got off the ground
20:16with that aeroplane.
20:17There's always the atomic bomb.
20:19I know, but if they'd had to drop it from a bicycle,
20:22it might have made them think a bit.
20:26Hey, hey!
20:30What about this, Dick?
20:32I ain't had so much fun since me spelling bit the red man.
20:56Right, then.
20:57I'll get Kitty down, then we'll go for a little run.
21:01Get the gear.
21:41Come on, then.
21:43Off with your coat.
21:46There you go.
21:49Look at him.
21:50Like a World War I rusty torpedo.
21:54Put him in the water,
21:55give his wellies a spin,
21:56and he'd go for miles.
22:00Not an unpleasing appearance, my luck.
22:03Hey, look, either get me out of here
22:05or have my beer in.
22:08And how have I got to go on when the savages come?
22:10Like a little pig?
22:11Ah, probably.
22:13That's it.
22:14Go on.
22:15Put your sleeves in.
22:16Yeah, this never belonged to little Billy.
22:19This must have belonged to Annie.
22:21Well, maybe it was something they did together,
22:23like frightening the rent man.
22:25Come on, on with your coat again.
22:27Not a very good fit, is it?
22:30Like his teeth.
22:31Here, here.
22:32Wink your rush.
22:34Hey.
22:37I hope little Billy really was dead
22:39when they found him all stiff
22:40and not just having a nap in these.
22:44Now, then, let's get them trousers on.
22:46Right.
22:47Come on, then.
22:48Right.
22:48Here you go.
22:50Here you go.
22:52I'm pushing it.
22:53Go on.
22:54Push it.
22:55Here you go.
22:56Here you go.
22:56There's only one thing for it.
22:58He'll have to take his wellies off.
23:00Oh, dear.
23:01Oh, dear.
23:03Oh.
23:03Oh, no.
23:11Oh, well.
23:12That's life.
23:13Ha, ha, ha, ha.
23:14Sometimes roses and sometimes feet.
23:18Oh.
23:19Now, get your feet through as quick as you can
23:21and into your wellies again.
23:22Right.
23:23And don't leave them out a moment longer than is necessary.
23:25Kill.
23:26And if you don't throw sandwiches again, I'll kill you.
23:30Yep.
23:31Yeah.
23:32This is easy.
23:33Oh, to be a skin-deep, neither.
23:35Hey.
23:36You'll have to help me on with my wellies.
23:44Hey, I hope you know how you're getting me into this,
23:46because you've got to get me out.
23:47Oh, it's easy.
23:48You just chalk an arrow on the wall every time you come to a corner.
23:58Hey, watch it.
23:59Hey, up.
23:59Oh, will you be quiet and concentrate?
24:04I am concentrating.
24:06Would you like to guess whereabouts?
24:09Right.
24:09Get your arm in there.
24:11That is finished.
24:13I wouldn't be at all surprised.
24:15Now, then.
24:16Come on.
24:19All right, see you.
24:21Hey, it's like being in a glass bucket.
24:24Oh, ha, ha, ha.
24:26That's what I wanted.
24:28Oh, dear.
24:32Serves you right, you greedy little gannet.
24:34Come on.
24:35You know what they've done, don't you?
24:38They've buried little Billy in his riding suit,
24:41and this is his coffin.
24:44I hope all the buttons don't just fall off
24:47and the whole thing swings open.
24:50I would not wish to see that.
24:52The larva of the caddis fly
24:54picks up bits of debris
24:55and sticks it all over itself
24:57to form a kind of shell.
24:59Do you realise there's every possibility
25:01that when you come back out there
25:02it'll be as a butterfly?
25:04Oh, give us a kiss.
25:06Come on, then.
25:07All right.
25:07Hit your gantle, it's on.
25:10Yeah.
25:10Whoa.
25:11Hold it, hold it.
25:12That's it.
25:14My God.
25:15Look at him.
25:16Baron von Richthofen.
25:19Come on, Wolf of the Skies.
25:21Lead the way.
25:31My Edie used to wear nighties like this.
25:35On a full moon,
25:36you could see right through
25:37to her main idea.
25:39It's a lot of clobber for a motorbike.
25:42Do you think he was tongued up for the lift-off?
25:46Now, remember,
25:47don't thump it this time.
26:00What a way to go.
26:19Where's the instruction book?
26:22In the jacket pocket.
26:24Under all that, lot!
26:34I hate him.
26:36No, you don't.
26:38Are you sure?
26:39Oh, pretty sure.
26:43That's funny.
26:44I thought I hated him.
26:46Put your head in glass buckets, doesn't it?
26:49Gives me fags.
26:50And it was only a short while ago
26:52he was giving you a B-side.
26:56That's true.
26:57Well, there you are, you see.
26:59Nobody's all bad.
27:02Come on!
27:13Rodney feels it's time to go it alone
27:15in Only Fools and Horses
27:17at 9 o'clock tonight
27:18over on UK TV Gold.
27:20Unfortunately,
27:21he throws in his lot with Mickey Pierce.
27:24Oh, dear.
27:25Oh, dear.
27:26Oh, dear.
27:32Oh, dear.
27:35Oh, dear.
27:36Oh, dear.
27:42Oh, dear.
27:43Oh, dear.
27:45Oh, dear.
27:45Oh, dear.
27:47Oh, dear.
27:47Oh, dear.
27:47Oh, dear.
27:47Oh, dear.
27:47Oh, dear.
27:47Oh, dear.
27:48Oh, dear.
27:48Oh, dear.
27:49Oh, dear.