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00:00.
00:02Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:11No, no, no!
00:18No!
00:23Ah!
00:25What?
00:30.
00:34Hello!
00:36Yeah!
00:38Welcome, everyone, to Taskmaster.
00:40I'm Craig Davis, and I have a secret to tell you.
00:43People often say to me, if you're the Taskmaster,
00:46how come you're so old and out of shape?
00:47After I've put them in a half-Nelson,
00:49I whisper the secret in their ear.
00:51It's a fat suit, you fool!
00:53To be taken seriously, I need the gravity of an older man.
00:56Beneath the suit, I am hench, ripped, tight, piercing blue eyes,
00:59and soft, sun-bronned skin.
01:02My real name?
01:03Juan Monroe III.
01:10Let us meet those craving my wisdom,
01:13drunk on my judgement.
01:14Please welcome...
01:16Frankie Boyle!
01:18Ivo Graham!
01:21Jenny Eclair!
01:23Kael Smith-Baino!
01:26And May Martin!
01:29And next to me, a man who recently told me
01:32he thinks that former heavyweight world champion boxer
01:35Anthony Joshua lost his title because of cowardice.
01:38And I quote,
01:39If I ever meet him at a TV event,
01:41I'm going to teach that pussy to dance.
01:44LAUGHTER
01:53I don't remember saying that.
01:56You were adamant.
01:58Hello!
01:59Hi, everyone.
02:00Are we having a lovely chat before we start the show?
02:03No, no, I don't think we should.
02:04I think we'll just crack on with that.
02:04I've got the agenda for the show,
02:05so we all know what's happening.
02:07Same as normal.
02:08Prize task, task, task, task.
02:09Stretching task.
02:11Optional wink, so we're ready.
02:13LAUGHTER
02:13I thought let's get on with it.
02:14Let's do the prize task, shall we?
02:16Let's.
02:16As you say, do the prize task.
02:18And this week, you asked them to bring in
02:20the luckiest thing.
02:22Ooh.
02:23I'm such a lucky thing sitting next to you.
02:25You're a lucky boy.
02:28LAUGHTER
02:29Five points for the luckiest thing,
02:32and all the lucky things will go home with the episode winner.
02:34Finished.
02:35OK, Jenny, what's your luckiest thing?
02:38OK, well, Alex thinks he's very lucky sitting next to you,
02:41but the luckiest lad in the land is this little chap.
02:45Look at him!
02:46He's mine!
02:48LAUGHTER
02:49Well, he's obviously not mine from my vagina,
02:52because my vagina's quite old.
02:54LAUGHTER
02:54No, this is my grandson,
02:56and he's the luckiest lad,
02:58cos I'm his nana,
02:59and who wouldn't want me to be their nana?
03:02Well, the more you shout at me...
03:04LAUGHTER
03:06The winner of the episode doesn't get your grandson.
03:08What's the prize that's being offered up?
03:10Because...
03:10That photo, me and the lad.
03:12Yeah.
03:12I'll put it in a frame.
03:15LAUGHTER
03:16Frankie, can you beat a baby?
03:19LAUGHTER
03:22Horrified at the tone you've set, Rick.
03:25LAUGHTER
03:25And I have brought in a bag that was left at a theatre for me by a fan.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:34Oh, my God.
03:35It seems to focus heavily on my connection to the animal kingdom.
03:39LAUGHTER
03:40They've managed to incorporate my daughter's dog
03:43and my crow friend, Arnold Bartleby.
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48Have you got a crow friend?
03:50I do.
03:50Oh, OK.
03:55He enjoys ham.
03:57OK.
03:58LAUGHTER
03:59But it is your lucky bag, Frankie.
04:00You carry it with you, is that right?
04:01Well, I've left it in my suitcase,
04:02because the running gigs I was doing when they gave me that bag
04:05were really good.
04:07So you're a superstitious man?
04:09I'm very superstitious.
04:09My God, I would have bet the lives of a thousand crows you would.
04:14LAUGHTER
04:15Kael, this is a scratch card bought by the luckiest woman in Britain.
04:20Jolene Stanley, 35.
04:22She was 34, but that was over a year ago.
04:25LAUGHTER
04:26OK, what's going on?
04:28LAUGHTER
04:28What have you actually brought in?
04:30The scratch card.
04:31Kael has got Jolene to buy a scratch card for the show.
04:34Yeah.
04:34She won £70,000 worth of prizes
04:37since her first competition entry in 2012.
04:39She is Britain's luckiest woman.
04:41LAUGHTER
04:42She's also the woman in Britain who does the most competitions.
04:46LAUGHTER
04:47It's added something to the episode
04:49that we could have cold, hard cash at the end.
04:52LAUGHTER
04:53I'm very happy with this prize, you've done well.
04:56Hello, May, what have you brought in?
04:57I'm worried you're going to dismiss this with a wry comment.
05:01A wry comment?
05:02Yeah.
05:02I'd better get my wry face ready.
05:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:06Um...
05:07LAUGHTER
05:09These are my lucky lenses.
05:11Here are May's lucky lenses.
05:12OK.
05:14OK, so...
05:15LAUGHTER
05:16LAUGHTER
05:18APPLAUSE
05:20So, those are real four-leaf clovers I've bought.
05:23They're £15 each.
05:24And those are, uh, rabbit's feet.
05:27Can I check the rabbit's foot?
05:29To be a lucky rabbit's foot, it must be a left hind foot.
05:31That's correct.
05:32It, er...
05:32The rabbit needs...
05:33The rabbit needs to have been captured or killed in a...
05:36Where was it captured or killed?
05:38In a...
05:38A...
05:39A...
05:40A cemetery.
05:41A cemetery, yes, good.
05:42LAUGHTER
05:43And what day of the week was it cut off on?
05:45Very important.
05:46Monday.
05:47What?
05:48Second day.
05:49No.
05:49Friday.
05:50Friday, yes.
05:51On an actual grave, the mean of the person, the luckier the foot.
05:55LAUGHTER
05:55I f...
05:55I mean, I...
05:57LAUGHTER
06:00I haven't seen the horseshoe.
06:03LAUGHTER
06:03I don't want to be pedantic here, but...
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07Isn't the task the luckiest thing?
06:09Yes.
06:10And could I suggest that May's entry was things?
06:15No, because they've been fused together.
06:17They've been fused onto the one thing that isn't lucky.
06:21LAUGHTER
06:24That's outrageous.
06:26One left.
06:27Ivo.
06:27Well, last episode, Frankie got a lot of points
06:30for putting a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:33So I've put a load of random guff on a graduation hat.
06:36LAUGHTER
06:38Um, so, a few key items here.
06:41The Maneki Neko Japanese bobtail cap,
06:44the former Manchester United footballer, Steve Bruce,
06:47who's brought me a lot of luck in my career.
06:49How so?
06:50Because he wrote some excruciatingly bad detective novels
06:54in the late 90s.
06:55And I've reviewed them on podcasts for a small fee.
06:59LAUGHTER
07:01Um, when I played a lot of poker,
07:047-2 off was our lucky hand.
07:07And finally, of course, the silver spoon that I was born with
07:11in my mouth.
07:13LAUGHTER
07:14Is that one thing, Frankie?
07:16No.
07:17That's several things glued onto a hat that has no reputation for luckiness.
07:22Well, after every bad gig, I would call up my parents and my dad would say,
07:26well, you're lucky you've got your degree.
07:27So, I...
07:29LAUGHTER
07:29I would say...
07:32The hat is the luckiest thing of all.
07:35Well, there's a couple at the top and then there's so much of a muchness is the way I see
07:38it.
07:38So I'm not going to give one point to anyone.
07:40Oh.
07:40Two points I'm going to give to...
07:43A picture of a baby.
07:47Oh, my God.
07:49I do really like Frankie's tote bag.
07:51But I can't leave a baby down the bottom of its own.
07:54No, you can't.
07:55I think I'm going to.
07:57LAUGHTER
07:59Literally, livid.
08:01Toe to the hat.
08:02Right.
08:02Three points.
08:03Both get three points, Frankie and Ivor.
08:05Yes.
08:05Got it, OK.
08:06May's lucky glasses take the four points because I think Kyle's made the real effort.
08:10for the first time ever.
08:12Four to motion.
08:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:16Let us have a task proper, Alex Horne.
08:19Of course, Greg.
08:20Here we go.
08:22LAUGHTER
08:36Watcher.
08:37Watcher.
08:39LAUGHTER
08:41Just keep looking.
08:42He's got a very strong brow, doesn't he?
08:44Oh, God, yeah.
08:45How do we get that?
08:47I think it's practice.
08:53LAUGHTER
08:55LAUGHTER
08:56LAUGHTER
08:58LAUGHTER
09:01Everything all right?
09:02I think so.
09:03Oh, this looks different.
09:04This one's made out of baby bells on it.
09:06LAUGHTER
09:07I would really like to do well on a task with this kind of paper.
09:13LAUGHTER
09:15LAUGHTER
09:17OK.
09:18Fake something.
09:19Best fake wins.
09:22You have 20 minutes.
09:23Ready.
09:25Steady.
09:26Go.
09:28Presumably, everybody just did the when Harry met Sally thing at this point.
09:33You think they all do that?
09:34Yeah.
09:35LAUGHTER
09:35Are you going to do it?
09:37No, I really am not.
09:39I don't think anyone needs that in their life.
09:42LAUGHTER
09:48Lovely.
09:48That's got us all in the mood.
09:50LAUGHTER
09:51Let's crack up.
09:52OK.
09:52Well, the first fakers we're going to see are Kenny and Giles.
09:56Sorry, Jenny and Kael.
09:59Ready, steady, go.
10:01Oh, got to start now.
10:02Oh!
10:05Oh!
10:07Oh!
10:07Oh!
10:08On my right arm.
10:10It's going to get sticky.
10:13So sticky.
10:15Too sticky.
10:16Oh, my heart.
10:18Oh.
10:18Oh, my heart.
10:20Oh.
10:21Oh, my...
10:21Oh, God.
10:23Oh, God.
10:24Oh, God.
10:24I think I'm dying.
10:29Perfect.
10:30Perfect.
10:32Oh!
10:38Oh!
10:39Oh!
10:40I faint to death.
10:41Oh, phew, right.
10:41Good.
10:42I'm all right.
10:43I'm OK.
10:44Am I allowed to do another one?
10:45You do whatever.
10:46You've still got 18 minutes and 40 seconds.
10:47OK, I'm going to do another one.
10:48Seven minutes.
10:49Could boil an egg in this time.
10:51And then use the shell as nails.
10:53Would you like me to bring you an egg?
10:54Yes, please.
10:55Ow!
10:56Oh, oh!
10:56I just brought my nose.
10:57I think I'm having a nosebleed, Alex.
10:59Really, really bad nosebleed.
11:01Brought you an egg.
11:03Oh, thanks, mate.
11:06What's in there?
11:08Egg.
11:10My mum won't like this bit.
11:11Your mum won't like it.
11:12No.
11:13She'll say I'm messing up the people's house.
11:16I think I'm stopping now.
11:18I think I'm stopping.
11:19All right, then.
11:19I've had a bit of a trauma.
11:21Would you like some chocolates?
11:22I don't like chocolate.
11:23Oh.
11:23I like cheese and cash.
11:25All right, I'll bring you some cheese and cash.
11:27Thank you very much.
11:28You seem to have perked up.
11:30Yes, I feel fine now.
11:33Happy?
11:35Happy.
11:5020 minutes.
11:52You wouldn't be able to slip into a room unnoticed with that hand.
11:56But the nails, lovely attention to detail.
12:00Jenny, I like cash and cheese.
12:01I'm with you on that.
12:03And during the death, when she immediately went, ah, ah, ah,
12:06started to die, I thought, oh, that's clever.
12:08And within 30 seconds, I was finding myself going, just die!
12:14Really good.
12:15Well, we do have another swindler ready to treat with a trick.
12:18This time, it's Ivo.
12:21Oh, are you a fan of the ancient Egyptians?
12:26Of course I am.
12:28Great.
12:29You've not got long, Ivo.
12:30OK.
12:36Are you ready to be transported to ancient Egypt?
12:39As ready as I'll ever be.
12:41Welcome to ancient Egypt.
12:53Hello.
12:55What's your name?
12:57Woo!
12:58Oh, indeed.
13:00Ah.
13:05Right.
13:07Um...
13:07Not even going to woo anymore.
13:09Woo!
13:13Is your time up, Ivo?
13:14What do you think?
13:16Oh!
13:18Oh!
13:19I've had a lovely time being involved in this town.
13:26He really clawed it back with that stunt at the end.
13:30Because when the mummy first came in, I actually, out loud,
13:34whispered to myself, heartbreaking.
13:36LAUGHTER
13:37It's the greatest privilege of my life to sit here and watch your heart
13:40be put back together by my twist.
13:43LAUGHTER
13:46I do feel complete.
13:52LAUGHTER
13:58Good evening and welcome to Crossing to the Other Side with May Martin.
14:03My guest today, Alex Horne.
14:05Welcome.
14:06Hello, May.
14:08OK.
14:10So I'm getting an older male figure.
14:13It's not a grandparent or a father figure.
14:15It's, um, like a teacher figure.
14:17Is that ringing any bells?
14:18I did have teachers.
14:20I want to say you've travelled away with?
14:22Yeah, I went on a school trip with, uh, Mr. Arnold.
14:25So I'm getting Adrian.
14:26Well, it's, oh, genuinely, his real name is Adrian R.
14:29OK, and has he passed?
14:31I hope not, but I haven't been in touch with him.
14:33You might want to send him an email.
14:34Oh, really?
14:35Yeah.
14:38Um...
14:38I'm getting kind of a lot of noise, like, uh...
14:41Like, animal noises and things.
14:43Is there a significance of, like, I want to say,
14:45Tim and Jim?
14:47Like a Dot and Scott?
14:48Yeah. Horace and Boris?
14:49Horace and Boris.
14:50Everyone counts.
14:51And they've passed.
14:52Oh, a long time ago.
14:53Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:54And Horace in particular is, uh, frustrated.
14:57He's very frustrated with you.
14:59Oh.
15:00Yeah.
15:01He's, like, telling me something about George Clooney.
15:03My cat?
15:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:06Uh...
15:06I'm trying to think of George Clooney films.
15:09My dad was a GP.
15:10Clooney was in the ER.
15:11No.
15:12No, no, no.
15:13Fantastic Mr. Fox is what I'm getting.
15:16Ah.
15:16Well, I've seen that.
15:17I used to have a toy fox.
15:18This is the frustration I'm getting from Horace.
15:20What, that I loved the fox more than the cat?
15:22Yeah.
15:24Well, I hope you've got what you came for.
15:26I'm just trying to be a vessel and give you the tools that you need moving forward to live in
15:32a more authentic way.
15:35Well, thank you for the tools.
15:36Thank you.
15:37Thanks, mate.
15:37Um, do you have any money?
15:39Ah.
15:40Um, yeah, I've got some money.
15:42I charge £60.
15:43£60.
15:44I'll take £40.
15:49It was actually quite good.
15:52It was good because they were faking it, I discovered afterwards.
15:57What, you mean May's not a real medium?
16:00In the lab, I was freaked out because everything they said was true.
16:03Yes.
16:04And I didn't know how they did it.
16:05Um, I've been...
16:07I rang his wife.
16:11And my wife rang my mum.
16:13And I've kept in touch with your wife.
16:16Like, when we text.
16:19Yeah, the way you lured him into Horace and Boris.
16:21Thank you.
16:22Yeah.
16:22Very clever.
16:23It was horrible to be on that stage.
16:26Very enjoyable.
16:27And then you've got a new friendship out of it.
16:29Yeah.
16:29And £40.
16:30Good.
16:32Who's last?
16:33There's only one more.
16:34The final faker is Frankie Foyle.
16:36Here we go.
16:44In a sense, no one is to blame for this.
16:49In another, realer sense, the British security services
16:54and the creative team behind the antique roadshow are to blame.
17:01Farewell, Frankie.
17:22I empathise, Frankie, because, like me, your body is so much more shocking
17:26than your suicide could ever be.
17:29LAUGHTER
17:30We surprised a few joggers.
17:32LAUGHTER
17:33Oh, man, that was very good.
17:35This is tough.
17:36Are they all good, do you think?
17:37I feel like you're working against me, Alex.
17:39I'm not.
17:40Can we have a look at it again, the hand?
17:42Yes, I can isolate just the hand.
17:46LAUGHTER
17:47I really want to justify it being higher than it is, Kyle,
17:51but with the best will in the world.
17:53LAUGHTER
17:55But, you know, were Jenny's fakes really good?
17:58No!
18:00LAUGHTER
18:02What if I give them both two points down the bottom?
18:05So, Jenny and Kyle both get two points.
18:06They do.
18:07Right.
18:08I'm going to give them both four points.
18:10Ooh, right.
18:11I'm going to give May four points as well.
18:13Right.
18:14Just because I think the harrowing story of Frankie Boyle's demise
18:18deserves on this occasion five points.
18:20Two, two, four, four, five points.
18:21Frankie Boyle.
18:23Thank you.
18:25Scoreboard time.
18:26Frankie and May are at the top with eight points each.
18:29Oh, thank you.
18:33Right.
18:34On we go.
18:35Wow.
18:36Yes.
18:36Next up is this.
19:03Hello, Alex.
19:04Hi, Jenny.
19:16Oh.
19:19The things have fallen off my feet quite early doors.
19:22I've lost my bells and I've displaced my...
19:27Hello, Kyle.
19:28Hello.
19:28I'm going to bring you your task.
19:30Thank you.
19:30There we go, right?
19:32Play the instrument indicated by the light.
19:38Each time you play an instrument correctly,
19:40another will be added to the sequence until you make a mistake.
19:43Longest sequence wins.
19:45There is a bonus point for the person who sounds the least worst.
19:50The least worst.
19:52Sort of the best.
19:54Your time starts when the first light goes on.
19:59OK.
20:02So, up there there's drums.
20:04Where?
20:04Drum's there.
20:05Yeah.
20:05Why does it...oh, it's very badly drawn.
20:08Thank you.
20:11What the fuck is that?
20:13Obviously a harmonica.
20:14It looks like a sofa.
20:16I thought it was a sofa.
20:17Yes.
20:22I just want to crack off.
20:23OK.
20:23When it comes to musical ability,
20:25you don't often hear these two names,
20:26and for good reason.
20:27It's Jenny and Ivo first.
20:30Are you ready?
20:31Yes, I am.
20:33Let's go.
20:38And that was a lovely chord.
20:39It was a lovely chord.
20:40I think it's my only chord.
20:43You've made it successfully through round one.
20:45I'm glad.
20:46Round two.
20:52Good.
20:53It's now time for round three.
21:10There's that chord again.
21:12Sounding good.
21:13Is this like an Alzheimer's test?
21:25Great performance.
21:27So, you know the first four now?
21:28Yes.
21:30Ah, right.
21:31OK.
21:32Now, then.
21:39Correct.
21:40Congratulations.
21:42Really?
21:42Mm-hm.
21:45That's on for round six.
21:46Round six?
21:47Yeah.
21:48Yeah.
21:48OK.
22:00That's correct, Jenny.
22:10Yeah.
22:11Yeah, I've got a horrible feeling that I got that wrong.
22:13Do you know what you did wrong?
22:15Nope.
22:16I put all this clobber on and I've become overwhelmed by the occasion.
22:20off we go again.
22:36Off we go again.
22:37I didn't.
22:39I didn't.
22:39You sort of did.
22:40What?
22:41You didn't play the harmonica.
22:43Only because it looks like a sofa.
22:46I think you should go now.
22:49BUZZER
22:50BUZZER
22:52BUZZER
22:52BUZZER
22:53BUZZER
22:53BUZZER
22:53BUZZER
22:54BUZZER
22:54BUZZER
22:56BUZZER
22:56That's a sad little walk away from old honk, footer, Clara.
23:02Tragic.
23:03Tragic, but still better than Ivor.
23:05Oh, really?
23:06Don't say it like that.
23:08I'm sorry, I thought we'd been grouped together as equal failures,
23:10but it turns out I'd found still a new depth.
23:13BUZZER
23:15Ivor was very disappointing.
23:17Just five, that's all.
23:17You only remembered five things in a row.
23:19How many did I get?
23:20Six.
23:21Six.
23:22Yeah.
23:22Frankie Boyle and May Martin also did this task,
23:25and they did it like this.
23:27I feel like Dick Van Dyke.
23:29You look like Dick Van Dyke.
23:32In...
23:32In...
23:33In...
23:34Young...
23:34In...
23:35Are you ready?
23:37Yeah.
23:38I'm going to give a go.
23:39BUZZER
23:41BUZZER
23:43Congratulations.
23:45BUZZER
23:46BUZZER
23:48BUZZER
23:50BUZZER
23:51BUZZER
23:52BUZZER
23:52BUZZER
23:53Congratulations.
23:58BUZZER
23:59BUZZER
24:00BUZZER
24:00BUZZER
24:01BUZZER
24:01BUZZER
24:02BUZZER
24:03It's sounding lovely.
24:04I'm seeing now how it's going to get stressful.
24:08BUZZER
24:09. . .
24:09. . .
24:25Correct.
24:26I have to look at my feet every time.
24:35. . .
24:36What was the fucking last one?
24:38. . .
24:40. . .
24:43. . .
24:54Correct.
24:56. . .
25:14Frankie?
25:15Yeah?
25:16You did very well.
25:16I'm surprised.
25:19I'm also surprised.
25:22. . .
25:25. .
25:26. .
25:34. . .
25:36. . .
25:36. . .
25:37BUILT
25:38Oh, no!
25:43Aplausos
25:45Well, mate, I thought it was a childlike naivety.
25:47Yeah, I had a great time.
25:49With a hope in your eyes.
25:50Frankie, you look quite at home in that clobber.
25:52I enjoyed being in a warehouse,
25:55being in a one-man band
25:56for no apparent reason.
25:58Very impressive.
26:00They both scored nine. Well done.
26:02Yeah, sometimes it's just good to say,
26:04well done, isn't it?
26:06There's only one player left.
26:09He's currently in last place in the series.
26:11It's Kael!
26:17BUILT
26:17BUILT
26:18BUILT
26:19BUILT
26:20BUILT
26:21BUILT
26:22BUILT
26:22BUILT
26:33BUILT
26:34BUILT
26:37BUILT
26:38BUILT
26:39BUILT
26:41BUILT
26:41BUILT
26:43BUILT
26:44BUILT
26:45BUILT
26:46BUILT
26:46BUILT
26:47BUILT
26:47BUILT
26:47BUILT
26:48BUILT
26:50BUILT
26:50BUILT
26:50BUILT
26:50BUILT
26:51BUILT
26:51BUILT
26:58BUILT
27:01BUILT
27:02Tch. Tch. Tch.
27:32Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch.
27:52Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch.
28:01Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch.
28:02Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. Tch. T
28:02Eu sou a music boy.
28:04E quantos did he get?
28:0515.
28:06I mean...
28:07O que é?
28:10A única coisa que eu posso dizer é que, em uma primeira task,
28:14você teve problema blowing a marble into a tube,
28:16e então você teve um outro problema.
28:19Você teve um problema?
28:20Eu sou um asthmático boy.
28:22A music boy.
28:23A music boy é um asthmático boy.
28:27Oh...
28:28Eu estou muito bem.
28:28Tem dois Kiel eclipses, e eu acho que...
28:30Eu vou fucking kick off, Alex.
28:33Eu tenho...
28:34Eu tenho o Kiel eclipses em errado.
28:36Eu estou muito bem.
28:37Can eu play o outro?
28:38O que é?
28:39O que é?
28:41O que é?
28:42O que é?
28:47O que é?
28:52O que é?
28:54O que é?
28:55O que é?
28:56O que é?
28:59O que é?
28:59O que é?
29:10O que é?
29:12O que é?
29:13O que é?
29:16O que é?
29:17O que é?
29:17O que é?
29:18O que é?
29:21O que é?
29:24O que é?
29:24O que é?
29:24Ivo e Kiel came joint fourth,
29:26so they both get two.
29:27Jenny comes third,
29:29so get three points,
29:30May and Frankie joint first,
29:31five points each.
29:32Oh, yes.
29:35However...
29:36However, there is of course one bonus point
29:38for the person who plays it the least worst.
29:41Just for the cheeky head wiggle alone...
29:43Oh!
29:43...and the nerve of music boy,
29:45E eu pensei, você sabe, vamos dar um pouco a break, vamos dar um pouco a pouco.
29:48Apenas para o Taylor!
29:49Apenas para o Taylor!
29:53Tome para outra tess, por favor!
29:55Ok, e esse é um um um um um.
29:57Aqui vamos.
30:15.
30:18.
30:19.
30:19.
30:19.
30:19.
30:19.
30:20.
30:20.
30:20.
30:20.
30:20.
30:20Go ahead, go ahead.
30:22Salvage the most spoons.
30:25Salvage the most spoons.
30:27You may not leave the lab and all spoons must be salvaged with a magnet.
30:33Your salvager must not remove their headwear.
30:37Most salvaged spoons brought to the lab wins.
30:41Also, from now on, you must speak in a very high-pitched voice.
30:45You have 16 minutes!
30:47Your time starts, or should I say, you have 16 minutes.
30:52Your time starts now.
30:55Do we open the laptop?
30:57Open the laptop.
30:59Hello, Alex.
31:01Hello.
31:01I have your salvager here.
31:03He has a magnet.
31:04Good luck.
31:08Where am I?
31:15May and Jenny, I think you instantly became the weird children from The Shining.
31:21It horrified me the moment you started speaking.
31:24Right, let's just get on with it.
31:26OK, and we begin with the team of three.
31:28It's Kael, Jenny, and with the same initials and voice as Mickey Mouse,
31:32it's May Martin.
31:34Kael!
31:35Kael!
31:35Hello.
31:36Yes.
31:37Are you blindfolded?
31:38Am I?
31:39Blindfolded, yes.
31:40Big style.
31:41OK, look around for spoons.
31:44I can't look.
31:46Can you move the camera around so we can see what you're looking at?
31:52We're presuming there are spoons.
31:54There's a spoon on top of the blue bin.
31:56I don't know where the blue bin is.
31:58Stretch your hands out, Kael.
32:01Now, hinge forward.
32:02Do you want to sell the barrel?
32:04Oh, I thought about it.
32:05Toil the barrel.
32:06OK, on the top, there is a spoon.
32:09That's some iron.
32:11Do you get it?
32:12Oh, God.
32:13You're so close.
32:20One spoon.
32:22Did you get it?
32:22I did.
32:23We're going to have to work out a better system than this.
32:26I think you should get on your hands and knees and crawl.
32:29I wouldn't do that.
32:30Turn around.
32:31To the left.
32:32Walk forward.
32:34What can you see?
32:36Nothing.
32:36Nothing.
32:37What about now?
32:39No.
32:40Oh, yeah.
32:41By the bathtub.
32:42I don't know where the bathtub is.
32:44So, it's going to go.
32:45If you inch forward very slowly till you feel the grass under your feet.
32:49The grass under my...
32:50And then veer slightly to your right.
32:52To my right.
32:53Kael, there's two spoons in front of you.
32:55OK.
32:56So, get on all fours.
32:57Forward, forward.
32:59Grope.
33:00Grope in the grass.
33:02Grope the grass.
33:02As close to the grass as you can.
33:04I don't know where the bath is.
33:05Is it to my right or my left?
33:07What's that?
33:07To your right.
33:08There's a spoon right in front of you.
33:10I've got one.
33:11OK.
33:12Try by the shed.
33:13What direction is that?
33:15Yeah, you're doing it.
33:15You're doing it now.
33:17Oh!
33:18Double spoon!
33:19Kyle, Kyle!
33:19Double spoon!
33:20Where?
33:21You need to sort of be in the middle of the grass.
33:24If you can imagine it.
33:27OK.
33:28So, direct my finger.
33:29You want to be facing to your right.
33:31To my right?
33:32Like this?
33:33Yeah!
33:34Kyle!
33:35Yeah.
33:36Down!
33:37Down.
33:38And sleep.
33:39Yeah!
33:40You have five minutes.
33:42I think you should come back to the house.
33:44We're running out of time.
33:45Yay!
33:45Kyle!
33:46You have to come and find us in the lab.
33:48You guys have got to chat about this blindfolded word.
33:51Kyle!
33:52You have to come back to the house.
33:54If you told me where the house was, yeah.
33:56Carry to the right.
33:57Take five big steps.
33:59One.
34:00Two.
34:01Stop!
34:03Three.
34:03Don't you write.
34:04Take three big steps.
34:06Well, take one big step.
34:07One.
34:07Wait!
34:08You've got to go around that.
34:10Around which way?
34:11Around which way?
34:11To the left or to the right?
34:13To the left!
34:13To the left!
34:14To the left!
34:16To the left!
34:16Feel your way!
34:19Along the house to the front door!
34:22Hands out!
34:23Stretch!
34:25You seem to be at the door.
34:27I've stopped listening to both of you.
34:30She's plunged her along the corridor!
34:32Straight there!
34:33Yes!
34:33You're almost here!
34:35Well done!
34:36Yes, Kyle!
34:37Yes!
34:38Yay!
34:40Yay!
34:41Good job, Kyle!
34:47The narrative to me was Kyle playing an older brother
34:50who's been through this nonsense a thousand times.
34:53He was weary from the moment they started squeaking to each other.
34:58I found that voice so annoying.
35:00So annoying.
35:02And often, May was leading the way with an attempt at instruction
35:05and Jenny was just going,
35:06Yes!
35:06That's right!
35:10Kyle was doing a lot of the work.
35:11Well, he stumbled upon quite a few of the spoons.
35:13They got a total of nine.
35:14Yeah.
35:15And he got back to the lab with a minute to spare.
35:16He'd had enough.
35:18Oh, yeah.
35:20It's the team of two's turn now, with Frankie directing
35:23and Ivo hunting.
35:26Ivo, can you see some spoons, my friend?
35:29I can't see anything, Frankie.
35:31I'm wearing some elaborate headwear.
35:32Are you blind, Ivo?
35:34They've blinded me, Frankie.
35:36Only you can lead me to the spoons.
35:38Turn to your left.
35:40Well, we see the caravan there.
35:42Walk forward, Ivo.
35:44Anyway, I have you.
35:46I'm hoping we've put some spoons in this bath.
35:49You're about to walk into the bath at knee height
35:51and hurt your shins.
35:55Stop! Stop!
35:56Stop, Ivo!
35:57I'm at the bath!
35:58There's a spoon right in front of you.
36:00On the edge of the bath.
36:02On the left edge or the right ledge?
36:04Both edges.
36:07Yeah.
36:08Frankie, I've got a spoon.
36:09Put it in your spoon pouch, Ivo.
36:12Oh, it's a strong magnet, Frankie.
36:15You know you don't need to speak in this voice.
36:17Oh, no, no.
36:18I've picked up the previous spoon by Mr...
36:21Oh, Chuck, Ivo.
36:23Can you have a good look around, Ivo, so that I can check?
36:26There's no more spoons.
36:27Look down.
36:28Down, and then...
36:29...to a 360.
36:34Now, let's water off somewhere else.
36:39You're dangling it too fast!
36:41Last Ivo!
36:42Here we are!
36:43That was quite cross.
36:44Get them!
36:45Oh!
36:47Oh, there's one.
36:48Oh, there's another.
36:49You've had six minutes out of the 16.
36:51Let's case the joint one more time.
36:53Where is it?
36:54By the foot in front of you.
36:56You're right over...
36:57Yes!
36:58Can we go again?
36:59Now, Ivo, I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger.
37:02Stop there.
37:03In front of you there's a little raised platform that's about a foot high.
37:07You don't want to walk into it.
37:08Fall over and smash your face.
37:12Forward.
37:13Forward.
37:15Right in front of you...
37:17There you are.
37:18A treasure trove of three spoons!
37:21This is more spoons than I could have possibly imagined.
37:24Any spoons on Greg?
37:26No.
37:26You've got three and a half minutes.
37:28Ooh!
37:29Frankie!
37:30Lead me to the kitchen.
37:31Where they'll be the most spoons.
37:33Keep going forward then.
37:34Keep going forward!
37:37Have a look in the door and you don't like it's spoons in it!
37:44Yes!
37:46And you've dragged it into another spoon.
37:48Into two!
37:49Well done!
37:49Excellent work, Ivo.
37:51Get out of there!
37:52How much time have we got?
37:54We've got to get to that kitchen.
37:55Ivo, you've had 15 and a half minutes.
37:57Of how many?
37:58All the information's on the task.
38:00How many minutes have we got in the whole task?
38:02We've had 15 and a half minutes.
38:04Really?
38:04I think we're nearly done.
38:06Come into the lab then!
38:07But Frankie, what about the kitchen spoons?
38:11Straight forwards!
38:12Keep going desperately, quickly!
38:15Run!
38:15It doesn't matter if you hurt yourself, Ivo!
38:18No, not in there, Ivo!
38:20What did I tell you not to do?
38:21You greedy bastard!
38:24You've got 30 seconds!
38:25Well, you don't...
38:27What can I...
38:30Oh...
38:31That's the spoon hob.
38:33Frankie, we've had an absolute shocker.
38:44Where to start with this Shakespearean tragedy?
38:49It's worth pointing out that Ivo didn't have to do the high pitch voice.
38:54You'll notice it disappeared immediately as I started to panic about the time pressure.
38:58Did you start to panic about the time pressure, Ivo, or did you go into the kitchen?
39:03LAUGHTER
39:05When I'd expressly told you not to?
39:09I mean, it was a game of quotes for me from Frankie as well.
39:12My favourite...
39:13I'm going to guide you into a situation of some danger!
39:17LAUGHTER
39:19They did gather 22 spoons.
39:21They were a great team!
39:23And do you know what's going to happen here, Ivo?
39:25We're both going to lose this episode and somebody's going to go up there and win 70 grand on a
39:29fucking scratch.
39:31LAUGHTER
39:37You may well be right. Frankie was in the lead. He's not won a show, Ivo. You've won two.
39:42So, points-wise, Greg, only one team completed the task.
39:45So, they're the only ones who can get any points.
39:47Oh, I see.
39:47Five.
39:48Jenny, Kael and May all get five points each.
39:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:55You think the first score is?
39:56Yes. Well, I can tell you that Kael is now in second place, but May is in the lead with
40:0018 points.
40:02APPLAUSE
40:04All right.
40:05Everybody, it's time to stand up and get ready for the final task of the show!
40:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:22Having a little stretch?
40:23Gentle stretching.
40:24Why not?
40:25Who's going to read the task out, you lovely bearded boy?
40:27Frankie Boyle, another lovely bearded boy.
40:30Two lovely bearded boys.
40:33Stuff all these things in your team-mate's outfit.
40:36If you're wearing a special outfit, you must stay on your spot with your hands on your head at all
40:42times.
40:43Fastest wins.
40:45Straightforward stuff.
40:46What I would say is you don't have to put in the trolley everything but the trolley.
40:50LAUGHTER
40:52OK.
40:53On your marks.
40:53Get set.
40:55STUFF!
40:55I've got a pocket on the back.
40:58I've got the one going now.
40:59LAUGHTER
41:02Is I allowed to wiggle like that?
41:04I think so.
41:05It seems provocative.
41:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:28What's the pun in, Isaac?
41:32Oh, no.
41:33What?
41:34It's close.
41:34Frankie's at the late first.
41:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:40Oh, my God.
41:41Oh, get me now.
41:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:47Where's the pun in?
41:47Yes.
41:47No.
41:48No, not half pun.
42:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:08This is a first for Taskmaster, this is a second part for just one of the teams.
42:13Say how many things you stuffed in your team mate's outfit.
42:16If you're correct, your points are doubled.
42:18If you're wrong, the other team gets your points.
42:21Yes, so the winning team, which is a team of three, have one minute to tell me how many things
42:26they stuffed inside Kyle's outfit.
42:28If they're exactly right, they will get ten points each.
42:31If they're wrong, the team of two will get five points each.
42:34That's crazy.
42:35Can we take things out of his...
42:36You've got one minute to do whatever you want.
42:38Give me a minute, Doug.
42:40You hand to me, you hand to me.
42:41Can I take my hands off my hands?
42:43I'm counting.
42:44Three, four, six, seven...
42:47Wait a minute, wait a minute.
42:49Don't put it.
42:50How many is that?
42:51Ten.
42:52Eleven.
42:53Twelve.
42:54Oh, God!
42:55Twenty.
42:56Five seconds.
42:5828.
42:59Yeah, yeah, yeah, 29.
43:0029.
43:02Sorry.
43:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:06Mr Tunnel.
43:09This is the most excited I've been for ten years.
43:12I'm going to need an answer, team of three.
43:14I can't say it out loud.
43:16Go with your instinct.
43:18OK.
43:18We're going to go with 29.
43:21Please show them the birthday card.
43:24Oh!
43:26It's just there on your left.
43:28Oh!
43:34You'll love to see it.
43:35It's 29!
43:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:43Well, that's all that happens here.
43:45It's effectively the final score.
43:45Come and join me.
43:55One of the most exciting final tasks we've had, in my opinion.
43:58Oh.
43:59Yes, by miles, probably.
44:01It's not been a good last 15 minutes for the team of two, scoring-wise.
44:04No.
44:0615 points to these in the last two tasks and zero to these.
44:09LAUGHTER
44:10Which means Ivo is now rock bottom in the series on 63, Frankie on 69.
44:15Ah.
44:15KL on 76.
44:16May 87.
44:18Jenny 88.
44:19Oh!
44:20That's a halfway point of the series.
44:22That is terrible news to receive with a toilet brush up your shirt.
44:26LAUGHTER
44:27And in this episode, May Martin wins it with 28 points!
44:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:32May Martin wins!
44:34Please leave your stage for luxuriating your luckiest thing!
44:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:39So, what have we learned today?
44:42In these uncertain times of climate change and political unrest,
44:46a show like this should provide much-needed light relief.
44:49What none of us needed to hear tonight was,
44:51No, Ivo! There's no time to go to the kitchen!
44:55We're halfway.
44:56See you next time.
44:57But for now, let's hear it from the person at the top of their game today.
45:00May Martin!
45:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:05AND APPLAUSE
45:30MUSIC
45:32AND APPLAUSE
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