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00:41Boa casa, boa wine e o feelo de uma forte montanha de vento
00:45de howling through my legs.
00:46As I look across my kingdom, hands on hips,
00:49naked as the day I was born.
00:51Naked as my creator intended, fully naked.
00:54It's within this kingdom that five disparate souls
00:57have been doing battle.
00:59Their task-completing ability so far has ranged from good to...
01:03Are you all right? Seriously?
01:04Do you need me to call someone?
01:06Let's open a new chapter, but before we do...
01:09Still thinking about me naked on the mountain, aren't you?
01:12Me too.
01:13Hot sauce.
01:19Please welcome...
01:20Dara O'Brien!
01:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:23Van Brady!
01:25John Kearns!
01:27Munya Chawala!
01:29And Sarah Milliken!
01:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:34And next to me, a man who confided in me recently
01:38that he thinks all primary school teachers are a scum of the earth.
01:42LAUGHTER
01:43LAUGHTER
01:46That's a little Alex Hall!
01:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:50Not all.
01:52Hello, everyone.
01:54Hi, Greg. Hi, mate.
01:55Oh, I'm feeling so wistful.
01:57What's happening?
01:58I was just sort of thinking back.
01:59I was trying to remember my first memory.
02:01I was trying to think, what's my first memory?
02:02And I think, and it's weird, I think it's the first time I tasted ham.
02:06LAUGHTER
02:07I was in a restaurant or something like that with my wife and...
02:12LAUGHTER
02:122008.
02:14It was wafer-thin ham.
02:16Have you had wafer-thin ham?
02:17Yep.
02:17I think that's my first memory.
02:19LAUGHTER
02:20So I thought I'd say that.
02:21OK.
02:22And the punchline?
02:24LAUGHTER
02:26Do you want some Euros?
02:26You can have some Euros.
02:28Yeah, yeah.
02:28OK, 50 Euros.
02:31Right, let's get on with the prize task, shall we?
02:33Today you've asked them all to bring in
02:35the most useless thing that you've bought
02:38that cost over £20.
02:41Mm.
02:41Ooh.
02:42And yes, the item Greg Davies thinks is the most useless
02:44will get its owner five satisfying points.
02:46Then, at the end of the show,
02:47the overall winner will take home over £100 worth of prizes.
02:50Whoa!
02:51Mama.
02:52LAUGHTER
02:53Good, good.
02:54Right.
02:55Fern.
02:56I have brought a harness and leash for my cat.
03:00Here is Fern's cat harness.
03:02LAUGHTER
03:02The genuine thing.
03:04We all went, ah, but I think we were doing that
03:06at the pretend cat.
03:07Not at the fairly S&M-looking cat.
03:12LAUGHTER
03:12My gym membership hadn't really worked out,
03:14so I had this notion that the cat was going to do
03:17all these outdoors things with me.
03:19I think we've got video footage.
03:21Yes, yes, this is the cat.
03:23The cat wearing the harness.
03:24Time for your walk.
03:26Come on.
03:29LAUGHTER
03:29I cannot believe I thought this was a good idea.
03:32Oh, my God!
03:35LAUGHTER
03:36That's pretty useless.
03:38That was £70, by the way.
03:41LAUGHTER
03:44Jesus Christ.
03:46Dara.
03:47I, it turns out, purchased a worm trumpet.
03:53LAUGHTER
03:53Yeah, this is Dara's worm trumpet.
03:55There you go.
03:57You're supposed to lie in the ground and put your ear to it
04:00and you can hear the worms move in the ground below.
04:05Wow.
04:06LAUGHTER
04:07And actually, if you do listen to it, you don't hear a lot.
04:10And even if you do, it's worms.
04:14It's not like it's opening a magical door into a...
04:16They're not tap dancing.
04:18LAUGHTER
04:19So far.
04:20So strong.
04:21So far.
04:22So far.
04:23Great news.
04:24John next.
04:24John's here.
04:26Um, so it's a...
04:29A streaker.
04:30For Sabutia.
04:33LAUGHTER
04:34Yes, it is.
04:35And here it is.
04:40You bought it?
04:41Yeah, I bought that, yeah.
04:43Yeah, yeah.
04:44I love that.
04:49Wow.
04:51It's useless cos I don't own any Sabutia.
04:55LAUGHTER
04:55This is one of John's strongest things he's done on the show so far.
04:59LAUGHTER
04:59Munya!
05:00What have you brought in?
05:01I have bought in a golden snitch fidget spinner.
05:06Wow.
05:07So, I have to say, this is not actually linked to Harry Potter.
05:11It cost me 15 quid.
05:13I bought it in because it's got more emotional significance
05:16than it does use.
05:18Incredible.
05:18Because I had a very strict Zimbabwean Christian dad.
05:21Growing up, I wasn't allowed to watch Harry Potter.
05:23So, this isn't just an object, it's an act of rebellion.
05:27Wow.
05:27Ooh.
05:28Great story.
05:29Yeah.
05:29Shame it only cost 15 quid.
05:31It subsequently fails.
05:33LAUGHTER
05:34Were you secretly into Harry Potter then?
05:36Yeah, massively.
05:37Like, all the other guys at school were watching porn
05:39and I was watching The Chamber of Secrets.
05:41LAUGHTER
05:41Did you have to sneak off and watch it somewhere?
05:43Yeah, I had to watch it under the covers.
05:45I had to make a little tent.
05:47LAUGHTER
05:48You had to make a Harry Potter tent?
05:49Yeah.
05:51Shall we pretend it cost £21?
05:53Yeah, give it to him.
05:54OK.
05:55I thought I'll ask him.
05:56OK, Munya, how much was it?
05:58£21.
06:00LAUGHTER
06:01LAUGHTER
06:02Sarah?
06:03I decided to try and make vegetables more fun
06:06to stop me eating so many sweets.
06:09So, I bought a mandolin.
06:11The reason it's useless is because I used it once
06:16and I genuinely threw away something called a finger protector.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:25And I shouted to my husband,
06:26look, look, look, it's going well!
06:28And I had a courgette and it was going well
06:29and then it went down too quickly and took the top of my finger off.
06:34Let's have a look at the murderous object.
06:36OK, here is the mandolin.
06:37Here we go.
06:39So, I took it in, er, in a bag of ice into A&E
06:42and it was perched on a slice of courgette.
06:46LAUGHTER
06:48And the nurse held it up and went,
06:50what were you having for your teeth?
06:53I think it's quite useful if you use it properly
06:56and you don't take your digit off.
06:57Well, I was trying to lose weight
06:58and I did manage to lose a little bit.
07:01LAUGHTER
07:02The woman took the end of her finger off,
07:04so let's give her more than one.
07:05Right, so we'll start with two points.
07:07So, Sarah, you get two points.
07:09Joint three points to Fern and Munya.
07:13OK, they're joint third, good.
07:14Yes.
07:15Incredibly, I'm going to put the worm trumpet in second place.
07:18LAUGHTER
07:18Four to Dara, and for five, it's just mystifying
07:21why the man would buy the streaker.
07:23LAUGHTER
07:23Five to John Kearns.
07:24There we go, five points to John Kearns!
07:26APPLAUSE
07:29Do you have a task ready, Alex?
07:30Yes, I do.
07:31And in some ways, this was a rubbish shoot for everybody.
07:47Oh!
07:50Hi, Fern.
07:51Hiya.
07:52Hello, Munya.
07:52Alex, let me tell you this right now.
07:54I've got a good feeling about this.
07:56Poodle-poodle boodle-poodle boodle-poodle boodle.
07:59LAUGHTER
07:59HE LAUGHS
08:01Get the most pleasure.
08:03Pleasure?
08:04Pleasure from all of these rubber chutes.
08:07You have 30 minutes.
08:09Your time starts...
08:11now.
08:12So, first thoughts.
08:14Just a massive slide.
08:17A slide.
08:18Eu gostaria de ser mais grande, porque eu poderia apenas fazer a slide.
08:22Eu gostaria de ir lá dentro.
08:24E então o que você faz?
08:26Um, dormir.
08:30O que eles são percussáveis?
08:34Eu vou precisar de cinco pequenos chocolates, cinco pequenos trockis.
08:38Oh!
08:46Are you having pleasure?
08:48Oh, I can see a little green fly.
08:51Yeah, right, OK.
08:56Ferran, is it fair to say that a lot of our tasks are getting in the way of you having
09:00a nice sleep?
09:01Um, no, it's for a very good reason.
09:04I was so excited about coming in to do the task days that I didn't sleep,
09:09which then meant I was tired and couldn't do my tasks very well.
09:12Every day when you came in, I would say I'd been too excited again.
09:16Yeah.
09:19Well, I've written down what my perception of what we're about to see is.
09:22I think we're getting three slides, one with jockeys and a big Irishman playing a giant glock and shit.
09:28OK, we're going to start with two very physical men.
09:32Mania and Dara.
09:35What are you doing with that, Mania?
09:36I am giving myself maximum pleasure.
09:41There you go.
09:42It suits him.
09:43Yeah, you've got to give it to the man sometimes.
09:44Give him one of these.
09:45Go on.
09:46I don't want to.
09:50You know those machines in baseball that whack the thing at you?
09:53You're kind of like a human version of that.
09:55And this is hurling, which is the Irish national sport.
09:57OK.
09:57Yes, we've set up a target, but that's not important.
09:59Let's not dwell on that.
10:01Put this on.
10:02OK, good.
10:05Is that close to fit?
10:06No, not at all.
10:07All right, allow me to introduce you to Knockout.
10:11The goal is to hit the cow.
10:14Here it comes.
10:15OK.
10:18No.
10:18No.
10:19All right, ready?
10:20Three.
10:23Did it work?
10:24No, because you started twerking.
10:30Right, three, two, one.
10:33Oh, no.
10:42Let's go closer.
10:44Are we still having fun?
10:45Yes, yes.
10:46Good, good.
10:46You ready?
10:47Yes.
10:49OK, that worked.
10:57Yes, you hit one.
11:08That was fun.
11:09Three, two.
11:13Yes!
11:15Oh-ho-ho!
11:20We did it!
11:21I'm going to go and get some water.
11:22Do you want anything?
11:23Yeah, a little bit of milk.
11:24A little bit of milk.
11:24All right, you.
11:25Well, she can talk to me about that.
11:30When I was a young man, my dad took me to a tennis court once
11:34for a tennis lesson, and what he actually did
11:36was fire aces past me.
11:40Watching you dredged up those memories from me,
11:43because you looked like you were just lost in your own world.
11:46Am I your dad in this, or am I you swinging wildly?
11:50OK.
11:50You're my dad, Dara.
11:51OK.
11:52Right.
11:53This is an interesting dynamic.
11:54OK.
11:56Come on, you.
11:56What's this giving it to the man action?
11:59It's a sign of respect.
12:00I can do it now if you want.
12:01I want you to give it to the man.
12:03All right, shall I give it to the man?
12:04Yeah, give it to him.
12:05OK, I'll just give you one little one.
12:06Don't zoom in, just because it's quite cold.
12:10Oh.
12:11Quite gentle.
12:14Who's next?
12:15Well, I can imagine John's friends and family
12:18would like to see what John did,
12:19so here's what John did.
12:26Have pleasure.
12:26Oh, I'm going to have a lot of pleasure.
12:30Here we go.
12:33Oh.
12:45Is it pleasurable?
12:47Oh, yeah.
12:48Where's the jockeys, huh?
12:51You'll find them.
12:52Have a little.
12:54Oh, yeah.
13:02Oh, yeah.
13:03Oh.
13:06Oh.
13:08Alex?
13:09Yes, John?
13:10Can I have some pleasure time now?
13:11All right, do you want me to lower the flat?
13:13Yes, please.
13:14Have pleasure.
13:20OK.
13:21That was fantastic.
13:23Could you lift my flat?
13:25Yes, I'd love to.
13:26Here we go.
13:27Arrgh!
13:30Arrgh!
13:32Arrgh!
13:33Right.
13:34Fuck me.
13:35Imagine I get this.
13:37Genuine pleasure.
13:42Arrgh!
13:44Shit!
13:46But it's fun.
13:46This is the thing.
13:47It's very pleasurable.
13:48OK.
13:50Arrgh!
13:51Right.
13:51Throw the ball.
13:53And it's straight in.
13:57You've got to leap like a salmon.
13:59Yeah, I will, yeah.
14:01Arrgh!
14:04Arrgh!
14:05I'm trying my best.
14:08Oh, fuck it!
14:11Arrgh!
14:15Arrgh!
14:16Arrgh!
14:24Arrgh!
14:25Doing something well.
14:27Arrgh!
14:29Arrgh!
14:30Arrgh!
14:32Arrgh!
14:32Arrgh!
14:33If I put it to you, you were demonstrably in pain throughout most of my life.
14:38Yeah, I did enjoy going down the slide, but there were five little chockies.
14:43And then, on national television, you reveal that you're not very good at football.
14:59Arrgh!
14:59Give it to the man.
15:00You can give it to the man.
15:01Give it to the man.
15:02Just give it to the man.
15:03You all feel so much better.
15:04I don't give it to the man.
15:05I don't give it to any.
15:05OK.
15:06Three, two, one, give it to the man.
15:07And there we go!
15:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:13Finally, it's Fern and Sarah and their ideas of pleasure.
15:17I have an idea!
15:27It feels like I'm doing bad things to my dad or something.
15:35I would like you to first put on a blindfold.
15:39And then I'm passing you a shower cap.
15:42Why?
15:42To protect your lovely hair.
15:45Do you like bananas?
15:46Yes.
15:47Catch them in your mouth.
15:48Right.
15:49I just want you to be ready for anything.
15:52Is that all right?
15:54Yes.
15:57Oh!
15:58Oh!
15:59Oh!
16:00Where is this going to come from?
16:05Yes!
16:10I haven't finished the first bit.
16:11I don't want to give you a chance to finish it,
16:13because that's not the task.
16:14The task is my pleasure.
16:15Yeah.
16:16Are you finding it pleasurable?
16:17Yes!
16:18It's really good fun!
16:19Is it?
16:20Is that one finished?
16:21That one's finished!
16:23Now what?
16:24Oh!
16:25Look at that.
16:27Do you want...
16:29Oh!
16:31Make your thin lips stick out water.
16:34Please.
16:35Did you say please?
16:37I don't have any passive-aggressive stuff from you.
16:40Please.
16:41I kind of wipe my hands, but everywhere I wipe it, they're getting dirtier.
16:47Oh, yeah.
16:48That's not sore.
16:49Raise your eyebrows.
16:50Did you say that's not sore?
16:54Oh, I can smell something.
16:56Egg?
16:57Oh!
16:58Drink this!
16:59Drink this!
17:04Oh!
17:05It's warm.
17:06I quite like it.
17:08Is it soup?
17:08You look scary now.
17:10Right.
17:10Have you finished?
17:12Erm, yeah.
17:14Oh.
17:15I've got bananas all over my feet.
17:18Right.
17:19Did you enjoy yourself?
17:20No, I didn't enjoy myself.
17:22I did, though.
17:23Yeah.
17:25Bye!
17:26Bye-bye.
17:32Well, I mean, straight off the bat, two things gave me a great deal of pleasure.
17:35Alex Horne in your dress.
17:37And the sentence, catch them in your mouth.
17:41It was so much fun, because I was brought up to being, like, tidy and polite and all of the
17:47rubbish things.
17:47And it was so great to just let loose.
17:50And I had a tremendous time.
17:52I could see.
17:53You know, how many of us haven't been told by our parents?
17:55Don't you throw cream at someone through a big pipe?
18:00Fern, yours was a bit more medieval, I thought.
18:03What was a curveball for me?
18:04And when it started becoming like Misery, the film, was when, out of no way, he tried to fill his
18:09mouth full of ketchup.
18:12LAUGHTER
18:14The thing is, he's extremely passive-aggressive, so he does a lot of things, like, he goes, hmm, under his
18:20breath.
18:21Very English brand of passive-aggressive. It just makes me want to be violent to him.
18:25Yeah.
18:28It's so hard to score that, because everybody looked like they were having fun.
18:31Well, I have isolated their pleasure on their faces. You can see four of them here.
18:35Oh.
18:36A lot of genuine pleasure.
18:38Do you want to look like this?
18:48So it's neck and neck.
18:50I think what I need to reward is multiple forms of pleasure.
18:54Right.
18:54So that means Dara, even though he was pumped up like the most competitive dad.
18:58Compatitive dad.
18:59Compatitive dad.
19:01What was that, the competitive dad?
19:03Compatitive dad.
19:08Even though Dara was such a compatitive dad.
19:12Compatitive dad.
19:13Compatitive dad.
19:14He was only enjoying one form of pleasure, albeit aggressive and full-throated.
19:18OK.
19:19I'm going to give him two points.
19:20Two to Dara, fine.
19:21What?
19:21I'm going to give John three points.
19:24Because, honestly, I think that John just expresses pleasure in a different way.
19:29I felt that Munya and Sarah were having equal amounts of fun.
19:33I'm going to give them four points each.
19:35OK, well done.
19:35But Fern's was just so weird.
19:37And the reason she's got five points is she didn't even say goodbye at the end.
19:41She's just wandered off.
19:43OK.
19:43So, five points to Fern.
19:45There it is.
19:45There it is.
19:45There it is.
19:46There it is.
19:46There it is.
19:48There it is.
19:49It's not that close.
19:52Well, we have two people in the joint last, but two people in the joint first as well,
19:56and that's Fern and John.
19:58APPLAUSE
20:03Next, please.
20:05OK.
20:06Well, it's time for another routine team task.
20:25Hello, Alex.
20:26Yeah.
20:28Very nice and beyond.
20:30Oh, amazing.
20:47You may now open the task.
20:49Whoo!
20:50Let's do it.
20:51Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.
20:54The best routine to...
20:56Has performed the best routine to this musical baca.
20:59Você tem 30 minutos.
21:01O tempo está agora.
21:03Nós só fizemos!
21:04É o que eu tenho!
21:07Vamos ouvir isso!
21:08Ok.
21:11Eu conheço 7 tipos de artes.
21:13Tchau, tchau!
21:15Não, porque você já me falou,
21:17então você está pronto.
21:17Eu vou te dar um pouco de teatro.
21:20Não é um idiota.
21:22Como você desenhar um dança?
21:24Ah, é um problema para os jogadores.
21:26Então, eu vou te dar um pouco de teatro.
21:28Então, eu vou te dar um pouco de teatro.
21:29Apolos para nenhum acidental farts.
21:32There is this idea, of course.
21:41Eu já disse para Jon,
21:42ele disse que era você.
21:47Você provavelmente vai ter um pouco de teatro.
21:51Lots de teatro em você, eu acho.
21:53Eu acho que temos uma foto de Monja.
21:55Eu vou te dar um pouco de teatro em você.
21:57Eu vou te dar um pouco de teatro.
21:59Eu vou te dar um pouco de teatro.
22:01Então, é melhor que eu te agradeço primeiro
22:04por algo que eu me engano.
22:07Então, eu vou te dar um pouco de teatro.
22:11Eu vou te dar um pouco de teatro.
22:22Eu vou te dar um pouco de teatro.
22:24Eu vou te dar um pouco de teatro.
22:33Eu vou te dar um pouco de teatro.
22:50Eu vou te dar um pouco de teatro.
23:07Eu vou te dar um pouco de teatro.
23:13E o personagem, o personagem?
23:14Biff Chippington.
23:16Eu acho que ele é o personagem.
23:18Ele é o personagem.
23:18Oh, sorry.
23:19Chip Biffington é o personagem.
23:22E ele é também também.
23:24Ele é também um Dr Coco Pops.
23:26Ou um paciente.
23:28É difícil de saber.
23:29Eu estou em cada semana com um outro problema.
23:32Então, lá,
23:32meu skull foi removido de minha stomach.
23:36Ah!
23:37Sorry, Dr Pops died on this occasion.
23:40Eu die every week.
23:45Now, é hora de ver ver o Sarah Munya drama.
23:49.
24:08Tchau, tchau.
24:45Tchau, tchau.
25:05Tchau.
25:07It's a classic training montage.
25:11You were swiping things away.
25:13There was the one-finger press-ups.
25:15Press-ups, yes.
25:16There was the aimlessly punching at a loaf.
25:19LAUGHTER
25:20We couldn't get hold of a big amount of meat, you know, like a carcass.
25:25Oh, you were going for that rocky vibe.
25:26Yeah. So we thought we'd do a more sort of, you know...
25:29With a baguette.
25:29Yeah, a little...
25:31You do do martial arts, right?
25:33Seven different kinds.
25:34I'd say there are three tops.
25:35There are only three, but he does seven.
25:37Oh.
25:39LAUGHTER
25:39Right.
25:39How are you going to score them, then?
25:40I'm going to be really generous today.
25:42I'm going to give them four points, because I enjoyed it very much.
25:45Oh.
25:45And I'm going to give these lunatics five points.
25:47Well, there we go.
25:48APPLAUSE
25:52Where are we for the next one, Alex?
25:54We are in Baggage Reclaim, Greg.
25:56MUSIC PLAYS
26:15Alex, what are you doing down there, you spicy turnip?
26:19PHONE RINGS
26:20Hello.
26:21Hello, Sarah.
26:22Well, it's genuinely eerie, this.
26:27Really messed up opening that.
26:30Oops.
26:31Place one luggage trolley a certain distance away from the line.
26:35Then starting behind the line, strike that luggage trolley with another luggage trolley.
26:41I can do that, easy. Piss easy.
26:43If you strike the first luggage trolley with another luggage trolley...
26:47You may move the first luggage trolley further away.
26:50You may not move any unsuccessful luggage trolleys.
26:53..Furthest luggage trolley struck wins.
26:57You have ten minutes, your time starts...
26:59..now.
27:00Oh, they really do their own thing on the wheels, don't they?
27:03Oh, my God.
27:04Maybe years of shopping in ASDA will help.
27:08APPLAUSE
27:11To me, this is a childhood dream, to be in an abandoned airport.
27:15I still got searched.
27:16BUZZER
27:17LAUGHTER
27:22Right, it's a classic game of luggage trolley balls.
27:25Mm-hm.
27:26We're going to start with Sarah and Fern.
27:33Oh, this is quite hard.
27:36Good fun.
27:38BUZZER
27:39BUZZER
27:39BUZZER
27:40Ah, one metre.
27:44BUZZER
27:46BUZZER
27:46BUZZER
27:46Yeah, I think that hit.
27:48So I can move it back here?
27:50Wherever you want.
27:52BUZZER
27:53OK, the further they are, the more chance there is that they veer off.
27:58BUZZER
27:59BUZZER
27:59BUZZER
28:01Oh, no!
28:03That was close.
28:04Wondering whether to jam it in.
28:06I don't know what I'm doing, Alex, but I'm going to give it a go.
28:10BUZZER
28:13BUZZER
28:14BUZZER
28:15BUZZER
28:15BUZZER
28:15BUZZER
28:16BUZZER
28:20BUZZER
28:23It's touching it.
28:24BUZZER
28:26BUZZER
28:26BUZZER
28:27BUZZER
28:27Oh, there's two!
28:30Have some fun, Sarah.
28:32You look like you need more fun in your life, that's what you said.
28:34It was hurtful at the time, but I've taken it on board and I'm having a lovely time.
28:41BUZZER
28:41BUZZER
28:42BUZZER
28:42I actually thought I was going to do something magical there and you would all be like...
28:46BUZZER
28:47BUZZER
28:48BUZZER
28:50BUZZER
28:50BUZZER
28:51Come on!
28:54BUZZER
28:54BUZZER
28:56BUZZER
28:58BUZZER
29:18BUZZER
29:19It's like a trolley grave yard over there, it's horrible.
29:29Baby?
29:33Yay!
29:37Bye. Bye-bye.
29:42Sarah, did you surprise yourself with your temperament?
29:45I had a nice time, and I hate when anything reminds me that exercise is all right.
29:51It really annoys me, cos I think, oh, it's just shit.
29:54And then I'll do some, and I'll be like, oh, I feel a bit better, and I think, fuck.
29:59If I was giving bonus points out any more, which I don't do,
30:02you'd be getting one for telling Alex to fuck off so poetically.
30:05Cos he did his passive-aggressive thing again.
30:08What did he do?
30:09He went, you see, you're learning, aren't you?
30:11Yeah.
30:12Patronising.
30:15I think that one I was trying to be just nice.
30:17Trying to be, but you've come across as that you hate women.
30:21Again.
30:23Let's crack on.
30:24OK, next up, it's JK Rowling.
30:27That's John Kearns rolling some trolleys.
30:30Again, I'm so sorry.
30:35Er...
30:35They're having fun.
30:36Yeah.
30:37It's like a run-up.
30:45You're good at this, John?
30:46Yeah.
30:51Oh, wow.
30:56That is impossible, isn't it?
30:58You've had no unsuccessful trolleys, John.
31:05Good distance.
31:14I don't know, this feels far away, this thing.
31:23Go on.
31:26Go on.
31:27Go on, you bastard.
31:31Yeah.
31:32That fit it, John.
31:34Yeah.
31:34Yeah, yeah, I saw that.
31:37Thank you, John.
31:39APPLAUSE
31:42I thought you looked like a professional athlete.
31:45LAUGHTER
31:46I thought, like, you were born to bowl luggage trolleys is what I felt.
31:51And I'm not even being mean and sarcastic like him.
31:55LAUGHTER
31:57I'm worried about something.
32:00OK, John?
32:02You didn't show my foot and the line.
32:05You think there's a chance you might have gone over the line
32:07and then we're going to cruelly reveal it afterwards?
32:11LAUGHTER
32:14You've been known to do it.
32:16LAUGHTER
32:16It was an amazing attempt by John.
32:18It was a pleasure to be there.
32:19Yep.
32:20I do have to show you...
32:22LAUGHTER
32:23Just my favourite snap of the whole thing.
32:25Yeah.
32:26Have a look at this.
32:27Let's have a look at that.
32:29Behind the line!
32:30He's fine!
32:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:33Well behind the line.
32:36There are two people left to go.
32:37One smart, one fit.
32:39So, finally, it's O'Brains versus O'Braun.
32:42Let's start off ambitious.
32:45Alex, what's the thing we've been saying this whole series?
32:47Happy birthday.
32:48Go big or go home, right?
32:50And that is what I plan to do.
32:52Let's get one in the bank, as we often say
32:54in the Charlie Poshing game.
33:00Yeah, you got one in the bank.
33:03Gone!
33:06Successful strike.
33:08We don't want to be using that one.
33:12OK, that's the one.
33:13I need a slow clap.
33:15Mm-hmm.
33:16OK, start to speed up.
33:19APPLAUSE
33:23You see, if you had clapped with a bit more passion,
33:26that wouldn't have happened.
33:30Right, from one metre further.
33:32Oh, you think I was being a bit cautious there, did you?
33:34Well, a little bit.
33:35One.
33:38Whoa, whoa, whoa.
33:42Still, though, you can see that force.
33:44Dara Brain ain't pushing trolleys that far.
33:49Oh, no, no, don't.
33:52Adieu, adieu, adieu, adieu, adieu, adieu.
33:56Oh, it hit!
33:58The gentlest of touches.
34:01Oh, that is a beauty.
34:03Come on, a little bit of bend.
34:04That's it, there we go.
34:07Urgh!
34:08Come on!
34:09Push, push, push, push, push.
34:10Ah!
34:13Wait a minute.
34:16OK, right, we'll look.
34:2310 seconds.
34:32Go on.
34:35Yes!
34:37Ha!
34:50Well, yeah.
34:51You are the most confident person we've had on this show,
34:54because whatever the task is, Monja always goes,
34:57I'm going to be amazing at this.
35:00And I believe him every time.
35:02But in fact, you were quite a show pony during that, I thought.
35:05We had a bit of hammer, we had some discus, we had some long jump,
35:07we had some double-team.
35:08You know, I just wanted to give you the whole damn Olympics.
35:11We had some double-team, yeah?
35:14On the other side, we saw a man who's very serious about trolley bowling.
35:20You don't get to the level I'm at in trolley bowling without taking it seriously.
35:23You know what I mean?
35:24I mean, on your last throw, you put a bit of curve on it.
35:27I mean, I had to, it was a very fine line.
35:31Because every luggish hall is different.
35:33You travel the world with these things like whatever, you know.
35:35On the continent, they're built for speed.
35:41You say, Munya, at the beginning.
35:43What's my catchphrase for the series?
35:45Go big or go home.
35:46Oh, yeah.
35:47But when Munya asked what's my catchphrase for the series,
35:50you said happy birthday.
35:51I said happy birthday.
35:55Straight away, no hesitation.
35:57Yeah, yeah.
35:58It's unusual, isn't it?
36:01What do you like, some distances?
36:02Please, some distances and then some sweet, sweet points.
36:04Yes.
36:05Well, I think we all saw Fern, unfortunately, in last place.
36:08One point, 18.3 metres.
36:10Two points go to Sarah for 25.4 metres.
36:13And then we move into the Noel Edmonds zone.
36:18The Noel Edmonds zone?
36:20Well, I've measured the rest in Noel Edmondses.
36:25To Dara, 16 Noel Edmonds and one crouching Noel Edmonds.
36:31John, 19 Noel Edmonds exactly.
36:34Munya, 17.7 Noel Edmonds is.
36:38John Kearns takes it!
36:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
36:43Over 34 metres.
36:44Amazing.
36:46That's sensational work.
36:49Can I see a scoreboard, please?
36:50He's still on the lead as John Kearns with 18 points.
36:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
36:56Terrible.
36:57Unbelievable.
36:58Unbelievable.
36:59Come on, everyone.
37:00Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
37:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:20So, one member of your team must write down ten animals in two minutes.
37:26So, who's doing the animals?
37:27Yeah, I know loads of animals.
37:30He's got too much confidence for me!
37:33No, no, no, listen.
37:33Can I be paired with somebody a bit meeker, please?
37:36Team of three, who's going to be writing the animals?
37:38I'm going to be writing the animals.
37:39And team of two?
37:40Oh, that's an easy decision.
37:42Right.
37:42You can step onto the circles in front of the easels.
37:46OK, so your two minutes to write ten animals starts...
37:50But can we watch the way Dara's arm moves and work out before he's writing?
37:55Yes, you can.
37:56Yeah.
37:57And if you do do that, let me know, because we'll go on tour
38:01and I'll make money off you.
38:02LAUGHTER
38:03What's he written for the first one, Fern?
38:05I think cat.
38:09LAUGHTER
38:14And that's your time up. Well done.
38:16Return to your spot, please don't talk to your team mates.
38:18The scoring on this task, just so you know,
38:21the winning team will get five points, the losing team zero.
38:23Force.
38:24Whoa!
38:26Ooh!
38:26OK.
38:27Well, the second half of the task, Money's going to read that as well.
38:31Communicate the other team's animals to your team members
38:33by saying the letter that comes before it in the alphabet
38:36over and over whilst doing an impression of that animal.
38:41LAUGHTER
38:44Look how giddy you are!
38:47Most correct animals named wins.
38:50You have two minutes and one pass.
38:53OK, Dara's team, who is going to do the miming?
38:56It's any one of you.
38:57Oh.
38:58I think John should do that.
39:01LAUGHTER
39:03I'll give it a go.
39:05Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
39:08There are animals.
39:09No, I know all them.
39:17John, please make your way over to the other spot.
39:19Oh, yeah!
39:20Yeah.
39:22And...
39:22John, you're miming those ten animals, good luck.
39:24O que foi?
39:25K...
39:28Lemur.
39:29Line. Line is correct.
39:32N...
39:34Origatão.
39:39Um...
39:41Monkey.
39:43Monkey is correct.
39:46B...
39:47Cat. Correct.
39:50Z...
39:55Whale?
39:58V!
40:00Whale.
40:02Um...
40:07I shouldn't give clues,
40:08but this is the shittest impression of that animal.
40:12Let's see. Google one minute, John.
40:14Oh, pass!
40:16OK, you do the pass.
40:21Um...
40:21O...
40:23Shark. It is a shark.
40:26G.
40:27Horse...
40:28Wonderful, yes.
40:30B!
40:32B!
40:35B!
40:40Carp...
40:41B!
40:45B!
40:47B!
40:49B!
40:50B!
40:52Crocodile!
40:53Crocodile! You've got five seconds, John.
40:56Uh...
40:57J!
40:59It is a corner.
41:05Ah...
41:06The haunting cry of the wild wolf.
41:09V!
41:11LAUGHTER
41:12LAUGHTER
41:14Team of two.
41:15Manya, please come to the mining step.
41:17Sarah, please go to the receiving circle.
41:22LAUGHTER
41:27You have two minutes.
41:29Starting.
41:31B. B.
41:33Cat.
41:33Correct.
41:36C.
41:37C.
41:38Dog!
41:39It is dog, it is dog.
41:43X.
41:44Giraffe.
41:45Correct.
41:47S.
41:48S.
41:50S.
41:52Toad?
41:54Eh...
41:54Tiger?
41:55It is not a toad or tiger.
41:57Eh...
41:58T...
41:58Pass.
42:00Eh...
42:00Oh, she's used to pass.
42:02Elf.
42:03Elf.
42:04Elf.
42:04Elf.
42:05Elf.
42:05Elf.
42:06Elf.
42:07Elf.
42:07Elf.
42:09Elf.
42:10Elf.
42:16J.
42:17JJ.
42:18Johnny ж compassion girl.
42:23Bee beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep.
42:27It's so that we wouldn't say...
42:28Oh, I already heard no one?
42:29B.
42:30B.
42:30Beep beep beep beep beep beep.
42:30That's not helping.
42:32Beep beep beep beep beep!
42:34Chimp.
42:35Chimp!
42:36Correct.
42:37Oh, your Sean.
42:39.
42:40.
42:40.
42:47FISH.
42:48.
42:48.
42:48.
42:48.
42:48.
42:49.
42:49.
42:4912 segundos left.
42:52Q, Q, Q.
42:553 segundos.
42:57Ei, ei, ei, ei!
43:01E aí, a team of 3 scored 7,
43:09while a team of 2 also scored 7.
43:12It's a blow!
43:13CHEERING
43:16Let's add those to the final scores and see where we are.
43:19Come and join me.
43:30Hi, great boy.
43:32I'm a great boy.
43:33What happened?
43:34Well, they both knew exactly the same amount of animals
43:36and how to mime them.
43:37It was 7 all, so they get 5 points each.
43:39Well done, both teams.
43:40CHEERING
43:45So, I can give you the series scoreboard,
43:47cos we're halfway through the series.
43:49Oh, yes, please.
43:50From bottom to top, Money has 75 points, John 76, Fern 79,
43:54Sarah on 90, and Dara has reached triple figures with 102.
43:58CHEERING
44:02And the final scoreboard for this episode?
44:05The winner, with 23 points, is Mr John Cairns!
44:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:10John wins!
44:11All of those expensive, useless things are yours.
44:14Go on, get them!
44:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:20So, what have we learnt today?
44:22We've learnt that some people are born with natural athletic ability.
44:25Dara has his hurling skills.
44:27Monja can target a cow for a rubbish chute.
44:29John can hit a trolley from 19 Ole Edmonds away.
44:31Fern can accurately throw a banana into the mouth of an idiot.
44:34and Sarah can punch a floating baguette.
44:36But, if you've got children at home who are not naturally sporty,
44:41just leave them to develop,
44:42and they'll find their own skills and interests.
44:45Don't be such a competitor!
44:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:52Well done again to today's winner, John Cairns!
44:55Yeah!
44:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:29Obrigada.
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