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00:12Transcrição e Legendas por TIAGO ANDERSON
00:33Hello! And welcome to another enchanting new series of Taskmaster.
00:38I'm Greg Davies and I am still the Taskmaster and nothing you can say on Twitter from your horrible little
00:43bedroom will change that.
00:45Five newly hatched competitors are trembling off camera as we speak.
00:50Nervous little baby birds wondering if they've done enough for me to reward them with a dead mouse from my
00:55mighty peak.
01:00Why would they put themselves through this stress? The chance to own my golden head.
01:05Perhaps. The truth is it doesn't matter because they must all now continue due to a legally binding contract they
01:11have signed.
01:12Let us meet the five who are legally obliged. They are Ardlo Hanlon, Bridget Christie, Chris Ramsey, Judy Love and
01:27Sophie Duker.
01:31And next to me, the freshly thawed corpse of an ancient peat bog man.
01:36It's Little Alex Hall!
01:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:46Right, what's our first prize category, please, Alex?
01:49It is...
01:53The thing that if you found it in a skip you would be most excited by.
01:58LAUGHTER
01:59Five points will go to the thing that the Taskmaster, Greg Davies, thinks one would be most excited about if
02:04you found it in a skip.
02:04And then at the end of the show, the winner will take home all five things and walk away with
02:08a skip in their step. OK?
02:11Ardlo, welcome to the show.
02:12Oh, thank you. It's so good to be here.
02:14So what did excite you when you found it in a skip?
02:16Oh, erm, a trophy, of course.
02:18Oh, not a bad trophy.
02:20That's cool.
02:21Yeah.
02:22Does it speak of a fierce ambition in you?
02:25Well, we've all been there. We've all gone into a trophy shop and we bought a trophy and had it
02:32engraved and to please father.
02:36LAUGHTER
02:39Were you a sporting elite as a young man?
02:41Not really. Most of my trophies in my trophy cabinet are ones I bought.
02:47LAUGHTER
02:49It's early days, Ardlo. I'm going to say it's around two points.
02:52Oh, fine.
02:53That's my gut instinct at this stage.
02:56Bridget?
02:56What have you bought in?
02:58A someone's last will and testament.
03:01LAUGHTER
03:03Wow!
03:04She genuinely found this in a skip. This is what it looks like.
03:07Oh, my God.
03:08Oh, man.
03:10About 300 years old.
03:11Look at Ardlo's little face.
03:13LAUGHTER
03:14Well, I think...
03:15The trophy's been pissed on already.
03:17LAUGHTER
03:18There was one point over the years, because I found it years ago, where I thought,
03:21well, am I going to have loads of bad luck, you know?
03:25Because you found the...
03:26Because I've got it up in my hallway and I don't know who's...
03:29LAUGHTER
03:31What?
03:32Did you try and track the person down?
03:34Oh, no, no.
03:35No, I think it's fair to say they're not around anymore.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:39Well, I mean, who are the beneficiaries of the will?
03:41Mary.
03:42His beloved wife Mary is...
03:44You seem to know a lot about this.
03:45Oh.
03:45Well, I've read it.
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48I'm very excited by your will.
03:50OK.
03:50Christopher?
03:51I have brought a 90s-style important businessman briefcase.
03:56Oh.
03:57That's exciting.
03:58God, you're all more excited than I could ever have dreamt.
04:01LAUGHTER
04:02Why were you excited by it?
04:03Because my house was the first house made on a new estate,
04:06and in the skip one day we found a briefcase,
04:10and it was locked, and it took hours to get inside it.
04:15What was inside it?
04:16What was inside it, yeah?
04:16What was inside it, I was about to say.
04:17Oh, I'll say as well.
04:18What was inside it?
04:20LAUGHTER
04:20You'll find out at the end of the show.
04:22Oh!
04:24Oh!
04:24Always turn the excitement up from naught!
04:27Yeah.
04:29LAUGHTER
04:30Judy, what have you brought in?
04:32And now 90s tape.
04:35And, you know, it's got all the classics on there.
04:37You know the 90s music was the best.
04:40Yeah.
04:40Look at that!
04:41Look at that!
04:42Take that!
04:42I mean, come on!
04:44Shabarangs!
04:45Mr Lover Lover!
04:47Shabarangs on there, or were you just exclaiming?
04:50No!
04:50Shabarangs is on there!
04:51I personally think that they threw it out by accident.
04:55You want to show the kids how times were, you know, when you wanted to turn it over and you
05:00used to put your finger in the tape and whine it back.
05:03These kids don't know about that now.
05:05Right, Dan, Judy Love, incredible bullshitter.
05:07Oh, right.
05:08LAUGHTER
05:09Sophie, can you beat an old cassette tape?
05:12Hello.
05:12I've brought a multi-purpose seating device.
05:18LAUGHTER
05:21Wow.
05:22Look at that!
05:23Very good.
05:25Wow.
05:26When you're, like, a millennial, you don't get your furniture from shops.
05:31You get it from skipping.
05:33That may qualify as theft within the Theft Act of 1968 unless you've got permission from the skip owner.
05:39If someone, if something's on the street, it's yours.
05:41Yeah.
05:42No, no, no.
05:43If I leave my car on the street.
05:45LAUGHTER
05:48Just before the show, Alex said to me, Sophie's brought a sofa in that she's trying to get rid of.
05:55LAUGHTER
05:56That's how I understood it.
05:58Yeah.
05:58I would never get rid of my 925.
06:02LAUGHTER
06:02Well, it's now 24.
06:04Yeah, that's what I was saying.
06:06LAUGHTER
06:09APPLAUSE
06:12I'm sorry, I wasn't excited by Ardell's golf trophy.
06:16One point.
06:17I mean, the truth is, my instinct was to put the awful sofa in at two points, but I think
06:22that's because Judy did such a good job of bullshitting me about the tape.
06:25All them classics!
06:28LAUGHTER
06:28Can you name one more?
06:29Duran Duran!
06:30If you can name one more track off it, I'm going to let you take it.
06:33Yes.
06:33MC Hammer was on one of those.
06:35Michael Jackson and...
06:37Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh
06:39-duh-duh.
06:55Because there's something rather beautiful about that will.
06:58So I'm giving Bridget five points.
07:00Bridget with five points.
07:00APPLAUSE
07:01Thank you.
07:02Well done.
07:04We're off!
07:05What does the first task involve, Alex?
07:07Well, Greg, if they're successful, it'll involve the natural enemy of bread.
07:11Ducks.
07:13WHISTLE BLOWS
07:25Hello.
07:26Oh, hi, Judy.
07:28Can I just say, on the door, it says, no shoes in the lab.
07:33However, you've got me wearing these heavy-duty boots.
07:37Right.
07:39Hi!
07:40Bridget.
07:44Hi.
07:45OK.
07:47Erm, so I should, erm, I should probably look for the task.
07:51Right.
07:51That's my first task.
07:56Oh, God.
07:57Oh, no.
08:00So I'll just start over here.
08:03There it is.
08:04You found it?
08:04Found it straight away.
08:05Good start.
08:06That's promising.
08:09Yeah!
08:11Oh, God, how am I to give me strength?
08:19Duck.
08:21Well, this is fun.
08:22I love jumping.
08:23Ooh!
08:24I found out the other day I've got jumping veins.
08:27Oh, that is good news.
08:28It's probably easier for taller people, isn't it?
08:31Yeah, I realise I've put it up just a bit too high, probably.
08:37Duck.
08:41No, duck.
08:45God!
08:47What's it stuck on there with?
08:50Oh!
08:57Duck.
08:59Find all ten ducks.
09:01You must stay in the lab.
09:03Fastest wins.
09:04You have a maximum of 20 minutes.
09:07Your time started when you entered the lab.
09:09Yeah, two minutes gone.
09:13You!
09:18Fastest...
09:19What does it say?
09:20Your time started when you entered the lab?
09:22Yeah, you talked about veins for quite a while.
09:25Your time started when you entered the lab.
09:28You've found one duck so far.
09:30Ducks as in quack quack ducks.
09:32Erm, yes, please.
09:40Chris, you said the word duck an awful lot.
09:43Duck.
09:43Yeah.
09:44I mean, he said duck about eight times, didn't he?
09:45Yes.
09:46But he has started...
09:47Well, he's found the first duck.
09:48There's only ten hidden in quite a small room.
09:50We've given them a maximum of 20 minutes
09:52because we thought it was going to be quite an easy task.
09:55LAUGHTER
09:56Let's have a look at some duck stuff.
09:58All right, the first person we're going to see is a man.
10:00He's an Irish man.
10:01He's Ardell Ohan man.
10:02Here we go.
10:05Imagine there's a duck in here.
10:07There's a box that says duck on it.
10:09OK.
10:13No duck.
10:14Ah.
10:16You tricked me.
10:21I haven't found any ducks yet.
10:23How much time have we spent?
10:24Four minutes.
10:25Four minutes and no ducks.
10:32No ducks.
10:34Is that a duck?
10:35You think it's a duck?
10:37Same general species.
10:38Cheese.
10:43OK.
10:45Here, boy.
10:51Another one of these.
10:54So...
10:55All right, this other duck?
10:57I can see it, OK?
10:59They're not ducks.
11:00Fucking hands.
11:08This is literally the best I can do.
11:17There's not very many ducks in here.
11:20Why would you have asked me to wear heavy boots?
11:23It would be nice to find one duck.
11:24It would be good...
11:32LAUGHTER
11:36Oh!
11:38Found a duck!
11:40Yes!
11:41I could die happy.
11:43I found a duck.
11:459 minutos left, Alex.
11:466 minutos left.
11:48How many ducks do I need to find?
11:499 more.
11:53BEMBALAZE
11:54Não seria um, assim, dentro da dente?
11:56Onde está a dente?
12:0020 segundos.
12:02Oh!
12:06That's a duck.
12:07Oh.
12:09Você tem dois ducks.
12:11Oh, eu vou ter que. Ele está olhando para um pouquinho de um minuto.
12:17Aplausos
12:20Até o terceiro chiquinho que você trouxe,
12:23eu estava impressionando que você era um personagem que era um personagem.
12:27Aplausos
12:30Aplausos
12:31Eu me lembro.
12:33Eu me lembro que eu era muito bom.
12:34Eu me lembro que eu estava muito bom.
12:36Eu era muito bom.
12:37Você estava bem bem. Você estava bem bem.
12:38Eu estava bem bem.
12:42Eu realmente gostei do trabalho.
12:44Eu gostei.
12:45Eu gostei de ficar lá por horas.
12:49Mas, onde foram nós, Alex?
12:51Agora é a turno de Sofie e Brigitte.
12:55A duck aqui.
12:57O que dizia?
12:58No duck.
13:00Ok, não é a duck.
13:01Um, pode eu tirar a flor?
13:04É isso que eu tenho com esses boas-feitos?
13:06Você pode fazer o que você quiser, realmente.
13:07A duck! Ok, a duck.
13:09A duck.
13:09O que é que é?
13:10Eu acho que você deve ter que tirar a duck em.
13:15Como que ducks tem que ter encontrado?
13:16Estou falando em mim.
13:19Um duck.
13:20Ok, é muito bom.
13:21O que é isso agora? É um duck?
13:23Do you remember what ducks are?
13:24O que você disse, perdão?
13:26Do you remember what ducks are?
13:27Are you proud of that?
13:29Are you proud?
13:32Is there something else that is also called a duck?
13:36Like a nail?
13:39É um duck?
13:40Do you think it's a duck?
13:41It might think it's a duck.
13:43Hmm.
13:47Oh, you found a duck.
13:50Do I have to kill the chicken?
13:52What do you mean?
14:05Another one.
14:10OK, there's a duck.
14:12Yeah, two ducks.
14:12Well done.
14:13There might be some up there.
14:16Can you give me a piggyback?
14:17Yes.
14:18Like, I did this a lot at university.
14:20A lot?
14:21Yeah, so...
14:23OK.
14:24So, like, up?
14:25Yeah, yes.
14:25Ah!
14:27Sorry.
14:29One, two...
14:30Arrgh!
14:30You're up.
14:31Right.
14:32You all right?
14:33Yes.
14:33There is some letters up there, though.
14:35A-R-D.
14:36Nard.
14:37Anard.
14:38Canard.
14:39That's a duck.
14:40Yes, correct.
14:43Erm...
14:44You're sort of steering me with your thighs.
14:47Yeah.
14:47Hmm.
14:48That way, is it?
14:50Now it's dark.
14:52Yeah, we're just going to be here and wait for a duck to appear.
14:59They might put some in the boots.
15:09There's a duck.
15:10There's a torch.
15:11Is that anything?
15:13Where are you little duckers?
15:15What would it be?
15:17You've got 50 seconds.
15:18Where are you?
15:23There's a duck here?
15:24Where?
15:25On the task.
15:26There's a duck.
15:28WHISTLE BLOWS
15:35Pretty sweet, full of ducks.
15:38Mm.
15:38Pleased with that?
15:39No.
15:40No?
15:41Less than half the ducks.
15:42I think it's a brilliant result.
15:45Sorry, it was very, very good.
15:47I was pleased with the writing one.
15:50I mean, that was hard to see.
15:51I was...
15:52And it was in French as well.
15:53I know.
15:53What did you do a lot at university, Sophie?
15:56You said, I did this a lot at university, and you were...
15:58You were getting on Alex's shoulders at the time.
16:00Yeah, I...
16:00A lot of riding men at parties.
16:03Oh, yeah.
16:05Like, if you're short, at a concert or something, you've got to...
16:07You're speaking to the wrong person, I think.
16:09Oh, yeah, OK.
16:10But people must have ridden you.
16:12LAUGHTER
16:14Not for a while.
16:15LAUGHTER
16:17Four ducks each.
16:18Who's next?
16:19Now it's time for the final two duck hunters.
16:22It's the big, JC, it's Judy and Chris.
16:24Here we go.
16:26Yes.
16:26What are these?
16:27Are these ducks or chickens?
16:28What do you reckon?
16:29Duck or chicken?
16:30Oh, what?
16:30Judy.
16:31Yeah?
16:32Is this a box?
16:34Yes.
16:35How does it open?
16:37Oh.
16:38Oh.
16:39Well, there's not a duck in there, is it?
16:41No, I don't think so.
16:48That's Richard Herring!
16:51What kind of is he?
16:52LAUGHTER
16:55Am I hot?
16:57Oh, yes.
16:59LAUGHTER
16:59Take your shirt off.
17:00Take your shirt off.
17:01Please.
17:03Grab against the wall.
17:04Search the wall.
17:06LAUGHTER
17:07Oh, cut.
17:08Feel the wall.
17:09Feel the wall.
17:10Where is the ducks?
17:13Don't know.
17:15God damn it.
17:17Is there any ducks in your shoes?
17:18Is there ducks on the bottom of your shoes?
17:20Why would there be ducks on the bottom of my shoes?
17:21I don't know.
17:22Is there ducks on the bottom?
17:22Ah!
17:23Two ducks!
17:24Two ducks.
17:26One.
17:28Two.
17:28That's, I'm ducking.
17:29Right.
17:30Can you finish that cup of tea?
17:32I feel like there's a duck in it.
17:33Why am I paranoid about ducks?
17:37Yes!
17:39Yes!
17:40OK.
17:42Oh!
17:42Ha-ha!
17:46There's a torch.
17:47Am I just going to have to sweep the whole room?
17:53Duck!
17:53Duck!
17:56Yes!
17:56Here's one.
17:59Ah!
18:01Just found a duck.
18:02Ooh!
18:04Can you open this, please?
18:05What's in it for me?
18:06What's in it for you is I'm not going to get pissed off.
18:10Can you open this, please?
18:11All right.
18:12OK.
18:13Is this your tea?
18:14Yes.
18:20Honestly, I'm, like, where are you from?
18:22Uh, West Sussex.
18:23No.
18:26I'm inside the table.
18:30Duck.
18:31OK.
18:32Ah!
18:33Duck!
18:33Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck.
18:35Two minutes.
18:36Ah!
18:38Ah!
18:39Ooh!
18:40Found one!
18:41Really?
18:42Yeah.
18:43That's a stray duck.
18:45That's a duck.
18:46Yeah, that's a duck we didn't know was there.
18:49I'll lift the floor.
18:51Duck!
18:52Duck!
18:53Yes!
18:5430 seconds.
18:55Is she throwing a duck on my face?
18:58Is there a duck on my face?
19:01One more duck.
19:02Oh, my God!
19:04This is so frustrating!
19:06Ha-ha!
19:06That.
19:09That.
19:09That.
19:10Horrible.
19:16Oh, my God!
19:21How many ducks did they both put?
19:23Well, Judy found a stray duck that genuinely we'd put on the wall years ago for another task.
19:29Which is quite odd.
19:30So she found...
19:31Bonus duck?
19:31Yeah, she found six, but didn't find five.
19:35She also said, is there a duck on my face for ages.
19:38Yeah, because you just kept on looking at me strange.
19:41I wish we had a still of the picture of you under that light.
19:45Oh, my God!
19:46Just so we can check if there was a duck on your face.
19:48Was there a duck on my face?
19:49Well, let's find out in a minute.
19:51Was there a duck on my face?
19:56Brilliant.
19:57Absolutely brilliant.
20:00No ducks.
20:02Chris, all together, found seven ducks.
20:06Congratulations.
20:08That was very good.
20:11Right, give me some scores.
20:12Yes, all right, then.
20:13Chris won the task with seven ducks.
20:15Judy's second with six.
20:16Sophie and Bridget both get three points with four ducks.
20:19Ardell just the one point after his two ducks.
20:22So, Chris Ramsey wins five points!
20:23There it is!
20:26Still more time?
20:27Yes, I'm...
20:28That's nice.
20:29I'm afraid that Ardell has minimal points with two.
20:32Chris is in the lead with nine points at this stage.
20:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:38Let's have another task, please!
20:40Of course.
20:41And perhaps as a nod to how we resolve our frequent little tiffs,
20:45this one involves kissing and make-up.
20:48LAUGHTER
21:01Right.
21:03I'm in business.
21:06That's more like it.
21:07Yeah.
21:09Have you just eaten something?
21:11And some crisps.
21:12That'll be it.
21:13Yeah.
21:17Create the best picture of the taskmaster and use the only lipstick on your lips.
21:22On your lips?
21:23You have ten minutes and your picture must fill most of the canvas.
21:27And your picture must fill most of the canvas.
21:30Are you having a laugh?
21:32Your time starts now.
21:35The taskmaster, he is...
21:38He's pretty picky at the best of times, isn't he?
21:43We're going to get a picture of him, aren't we?
21:45Can't remember what he looks like from memory.
21:47Got a picture of him.
21:48That looks nothing like him.
21:50Has he got blue eyes?
21:52I think they're blue. Are they green?
21:53It doesn't matter, doesn't it?
21:57Is that good? Is that a good thing to do?
21:59I think so, yeah.
22:12Are you using your lips as a palette?
22:15Yeah.
22:16Good.
22:18Your eyes go very big when you put it on.
22:20Do you not know about lipstick?
22:25No.
22:40Are you blowing out?
22:42No.
22:42No, that just annoys the blue mix.
22:46Christ alive.
22:48Um...
22:49Oh!
22:50The lipstick is on your lips, is it, Syl?
22:52Mm-hm.
22:53Mm-hm.
22:54Mm-hm.
22:54Oh, yeah.
22:58You're quite aggressive with it.
23:00There's no other lips I can use.
23:02No, no, no, no.
23:06Oh!
23:08This is what that's cruffles.
23:10Pardon?
23:14This is what he looks like.
23:16When he goes home.
23:17When he's on his own.
23:19Hello.
23:20I'm Greg.
23:21I think I'll have some crisps for me too.
23:27I think I'm happy with that.
23:32WHISTLE BLOWS
23:39Yeah.
23:41Yeah, I like it.
23:42Something else you used to do at university.
23:45I was trying to be precise.
23:48You really got into it.
23:49The thing that annoyed me the most about this task was, I was embarrassed at how out of breath I
23:54was at the end.
23:56All I do was like that.
23:58Woodpeggers must be hard as fuck.
24:04Right.
24:05Can I see lots of pictures of me, please, little Alex Horne?
24:07Yes, you're vain, but I don't blame you at all.
24:10You're beautiful.
24:11Let's see Bridget's lipstick pick.
24:14Here it is.
24:15Ooh!
24:17That is good.
24:18Wow.
24:18She certainly captured my breasts.
24:22Well, she said, it's a bra and a little dress, and you're saying, where's my crisps? I hate my job.
24:30That's what you're saying.
24:31I tried to get the essence of you.
24:33I've eaten a lot of crisps.
24:35I've got big...
24:35I've got big tits.
24:41Good start.
24:42Who's next?
24:43Next, it's Judy's picture.
24:49Even you can't justify this.
24:51Let me tell you something.
24:52I drawed you sitting on your throne like the king that you are.
24:57She did use the whole canvas, more than any of the other contestants.
25:00Oh, so we should reward that.
25:02Yes.
25:02You could.
25:03We're drawing a little Lego figure inside a clown head.
25:09LAUGHTER
25:12That's the least calm he's been.
25:16You've ignited a fire in art.
25:18If that's what my painting does, then that is true art.
25:22There you go.
25:22Oh, my word.
25:23That is...
25:26Phenomenal bullshit.
25:28This is Chris's picture.
25:31Ooh!
25:33Hold on.
25:34I'll put it side by side the picture that he was using.
25:36It's good.
25:37He used a good time.
25:39Pretty clever.
25:41I was not expecting this.
25:45Here are Ardell's lips in action.
25:47Oh, this one...
25:48He did that.
25:50Now, earlier, Ardell, you mentioned the word clown.
25:54LAUGHTER
25:56One of Britain's great clowns.
25:58Yes.
26:00The most important thing, the stuff that, you know, is the aura.
26:04Which is not, like, painted, it's just implied.
26:08OK.
26:09And what do you sense of my aura?
26:12Specialness, erm...
26:13LAUGHTER
26:16Blimey.
26:16I wasn't expecting good stuff.
26:18I hope Sophie can drag things down.
26:20She created this.
26:23LAUGHTER
26:24She used the portrait behind her as her starting point.
26:28I feel like it's like a sort of Dorian Gray type picture.
26:31So, like, that's the, like, macabre, hideous version of you.
26:34And then here...
26:36And then here there's the beautiful man.
26:38Yeah.
26:39It doesn't look unlike my grandmother, so...
26:41LAUGHTER
26:43TM, I feel that if...
26:46LAUGHTER
26:47Good. Good.
26:49LAUGHTER
26:49I mean, I think it's brilliant, but it doesn't bear any resemblance to you, so...
26:54It should all be about the accuracy.
26:55Yeah.
26:56So I should forget the stuff you said about essence.
26:58LAUGHTER
26:59I know, but, I mean, essence is real, I mean...
27:04Let's have a look at them all together before I get any more mind games.
27:08Here we have five Greggs.
27:10Chris, without the actual painting next to yours...
27:13Yeah?
27:14You know, nuts.
27:16Richard, yours looks like a haunted sex doll!
27:20LAUGHTER
27:22Why is that about them?
27:24Right then, Greg, we need some points.
27:26All right, one point to Judy...
27:28OK.
27:28..for throwing lipstick against a canvas.
27:31LAUGHTER
27:32It's between Ardle and Sophie for this...
27:34What?
27:36LAUGHTER
27:39You're genuinely shocked!
27:42It gives them three points each.
27:43So it's three points to Ardle and Sophie.
27:46Four to...
27:46Four to the very cross sex doll that Bridget created.
27:51And obviously, Chris Ramsey, the only artist in the room,
27:54takes the five points.
27:55It's going up the show.
27:58Let's have another one!
27:59Next up is this.
28:05W 맞아!
28:29HE SINGSHEIC
28:31MUSIC pasti Laylicess
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