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00:06A CIDADE NO BRASIL
00:30A CIDADE NO BRASIL
00:31A CIDADE NO BRASIL
00:32A CIDADE NO BRASIL
00:35Hello! And welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38I know a lot of you out there in social media land think that sometimes when it comes to judgements,
00:42I don't always get it right.
00:44Well, you're wrong. And you better make sure those comments come from a server in Central Europe.
00:49It's not hard for a man with my connections to get a name, do you understand?
00:52You might be Dumbledore online, but I'll find you!
00:56And I'll disguise myself as a giant crow in a tree outside your house.
01:00You ever been jumped on by a six-foot-eight crow? Then maybe keep your opinions to yourself.
01:07Right. Let's meet the people brave enough to use their real names.
01:12Alan Davis!
01:15Desiree Burch!
01:17Guns Khan!
01:19Morgana Robinson!
01:20And Victoria Corrin Mitchell!
01:23Sitting to my left, a man who is the answer to the question,
01:27What happens when you throw chunks of pork at a revolving car wash brush?
01:36It's little Alex Hall!
01:37Ta-da!
01:40Here I am.
01:41We've got to be quick. We've got a meeting after this, so let's go.
01:43Yep.
01:44Meeting with Hollywood. So let's hurry up.
01:47All right. What's your meeting with Hollywood about?
01:48I've got an email from Spielberg, who wants to make Taskmaster the movie.
01:52He says he wants to cast Arnold Schwarzenegger as you,
01:55and Danny DeVito as me, and they're brothers, and it's going to be a lot of fun.
01:58We're going to go to Hollywood.
01:59All right, then.
02:00OK.
02:01On with the prize task.
02:03Yes, on we go.
02:04And your chosen category for them this week is
02:06the best thing you use for something other than its actual purpose.
02:10Five points will be awarded for the best thing used for something other than its actual purpose.
02:13And at the end of the show, the things will go home with the winner of the episode,
02:17and that person can do whatever they want with all the things.
02:20Lovely.
02:20So we're looking for something that's a great thing in its own right
02:23that you happen to use for something else.
02:27Victoria.
02:27Hello.
02:28Yes.
02:29I brought the bread bin.
02:31This is Victoria's...
02:33Hang on a minute.
02:33Victoria, you may have grown tired of this format, but viewers haven't.
02:40Here is Victoria's bread bin in situ.
02:42There it is.
02:43There it is.
02:44A four-slice toaster.
02:46Someone's doing well.
02:48It's got a bagel setting.
02:50Yes.
02:51Well, here's the problem with putting bread products in the bread bin.
02:55You forget they're in there, then you find them weeks later and they've gone all mouldy.
02:58So now I'm frightened to put things in there, but I put things on the top of it and then
03:04sort
03:04of elevate it so that you know what kind of bread you've got to choose from and you can
03:08see it from all around the kitchen.
03:09I sometimes think you want to score badly in this one.
03:14What's in here at the moment, the bread bin?
03:16Nothing.
03:16It's empty.
03:17It's always empty.
03:19Nice and clean.
03:21No mould, no crumbs.
03:22If you put the bread in, it will keep it a bit fresher for longer.
03:25Yes, but if you miss the window, it's not fresh.
03:28All right.
03:29I can't talk about bread bins any more.
03:30No.
03:31I've given it a fair crack of the whip.
03:33Yes.
03:33Handsome.
03:34That's right.
03:34Can you beat your bread bin?
03:35I guess what I have, I don't know if the official name, a cat WC, but you know when you
03:41have a cat and you buy things for the cat and the cat's like, that is not for me, and
03:45just
03:45ignores it.
03:46So, I have this very expensive cupboard into which I put books and some like gardening
03:51soil and things like that.
03:52You have an obsolete integrated cat latrine?
03:55Yes.
03:56Oh.
03:57Oh.
03:58So, it was going to be so quaint, but the cat's like, I need to poop in the raw, like,
04:02I'm
04:02alive, you know?
04:04Yeah, me too.
04:04Wow.
04:05It's a very expressive cat.
04:07I mean, I quite like it as an item.
04:09This is the solution to your problem.
04:11Pop your bread in and it's got a window for you to check.
04:14That is actually brilliant.
04:15Alan, can you be cut toilet?
04:18Well, I've brought in a child's toothbrush.
04:22OK.
04:22I'll see it.
04:23With a sucky base.
04:25Yep.
04:26Secondary use is it's ideal for changing halogen light bulbs that are recessed in the ceiling.
04:33It's something of a life hack.
04:34I presume we can hear that description again on your YouTube channel.
04:39Something of a life hack.
04:42It feels like not being changed with a toothbrush.
04:45Oh, the suck.
04:46Look what happens.
04:47Oh, hello.
04:49Wow.
04:50Wow.
04:50That's weirdly satisfying.
04:51Yeah.
04:52Because you can be scrabbling away at those bulbs for a while.
04:56Thanks, Alan.
04:59Guz, what have you brought in?
05:00I've got a clothes hanger iPhone holder.
05:04It is homemade despite appearances.
05:06Here it is.
05:10If I please may explain, yeah?
05:12Before you carry on, this is supposed to be something you already use for a secondary purpose.
05:17Now, I take it back a few years, yeah?
05:18I'd just finished my PGCE and money was very tight.
05:22And this coincided with the time we had our first child.
05:25I've had many since then, but I only really cared about the first one.
05:28So, when you have a first kid, it's your responsibility to keep them alive.
05:31So, I used that to put the baby monitor on whilst I was washing dishes, doing hoover.
05:37And ever since then, it's such an effective tool, I now watch, like, football games and do the hoovering.
05:42Do you promise me...
05:44Look me in the eye.
05:45Look me in the eye.
05:48Look me, Guz.
05:49Yeah, go on.
05:50Look at me.
05:51Yeah, go on, yeah, yeah.
05:52I want you to promise me that the story you've just told me is true.
05:56Yeah.
05:56And that you've subsequently gone on to use it while you're doing the hoovering,
06:00and it's become part of your life.
06:02You mean, like, everyday life or, like...
06:04I just want you to say you've regularly used it.
06:09Tell the truth.
06:11No, I've used it, like, four or five times.
06:14OK.
06:15Come on.
06:16Organa, what have you brought in?
06:18Arse cream.
06:21It's extremely good for puffy eyes.
06:24Pop it on the under eye of an evening, and it's like...
06:29Are you really using bomb cream on your eyes?
06:32I swear to God!
06:33That is a thing.
06:34It really is a thing.
06:35It is a beauty thing.
06:35But is it a good thing to win in a quiz?
06:38No.
06:40I don't think I want any bomb cream on my face.
06:43Are you sure?
06:44Yeah.
06:45You ready?
06:46You're dishing out points.
06:47And I'm not being mean to you this time, Morgana,
06:49but great news.
06:51I want Victoria's bread bin less.
06:54One point for Victoria's bread bin.
06:57One point, Victoria.
06:57Two points for Morgana's arse cream.
07:00Now we're getting into difficult territory.
07:04Because he told me the truth.
07:05He can have three points.
07:06Three points to Guz.
07:07At the top of the tree.
07:09Woo!
07:10Which one?
07:11I've got so many of those bulbs in my home.
07:15But I want a weird cupboard with a little window in it.
07:19Yes!
07:20Four points to Alan.
07:21Five points to Desiree.
07:23Congratulations, Desiree.
07:26Is it time for the first pass cut for Alex?
07:28It most certainly isn't not.
07:46This is quite, um, intense.
07:49Is this like an initiation of some kind of secret society?
07:53Maybe.
07:55You've got to just focus.
07:58This is a very big, cold place, and it's old.
08:01And there might be spirits, so...
08:03You can see different Guz Khan today.
08:05Sensible.
08:05I'm not trying to mess with supernatural.
08:07OK, brother?
08:08OK.
08:10Make and wear a popcorn necklace.
08:12With at least five pieces of popcorn.
08:15And then do the opposite of the following.
08:17Then do the opposite of the following.
08:23You must, under no circumstances, not avoid not making the bell not ring.
08:32Then do the opposite of the following.
08:35You must, under no circumstances, not avoid not mel... wait.
08:40Not avoid not making...
08:42What the...?
08:42OK, hold on.
08:44It's going to take me ages to work out this sentence.
08:46The task is over when you have either rung the bell or not rung the bell and said...
08:51Are you serious?
08:52This is like a...
08:52This is an anxiety dream.
08:54The task is over when you have either rung the bell or not rung the bell and said,
08:59I did the right thing three times.
09:02This is going to summon something.
09:05That's what's going to happen here.
09:06What is wrong?
09:08Oh, Lord of mercy.
09:10Fastest to not do the wrong thing.
09:13Are you OK, Desiree?
09:14No!
09:14Is anything ever going to be OK ever again, Alex?
09:18All right.
09:19Fastest to not do the wrong thing.
09:22Oh, wait.
09:23If you don't do the right thing, you lose five points.
09:28Wow.
09:29The penalty.
09:30My time started when I started reading the desk.
09:34Yeah, that was nearly two minutes ago.
09:35OK, Jesus Christ.
09:37The thing that will take a long time is threading the needle.
09:45OK.
09:47Interesting.
09:48Mm.
09:48Only one person saw that the most challenging part of this was the popcorn necklace.
09:54Victoria.
09:56Presumably because the riddle...
09:57Yeah.
09:58..was solved in an instant.
10:00Let's see some attempts.
10:01All right.
10:02Well, we're going to start with one man, another man, and a Morgana.
10:05Here they are.
10:06OK, so I've got to make the necklace.
10:08Let's just get on with that.
10:10Who knows what was going on here back in the day?
10:12Do you know what I mean?
10:13I'm not sure.
10:15You know there's a couple of Ethels in there that are still walking around here.
10:18A couple of Ethels?
10:19Yeah.
10:19Or whatever their names would have been.
10:21You think there's some dead nuns called Ethel wandering around?
10:23Why you got to be so specific for them?
10:25Do you know what I mean?
10:27This bit I'm very good at.
10:29Are you?
10:29Yeah.
10:30I'm very, very, very talented in the threading area.
10:33I can't even see this.
10:36I can't.
10:37I really can't.
10:39Boom.
10:40Told ya.
10:42That's one.
10:45Maybe I don't need to thread the needle to make a necklace.
10:48I mean I could just tie it round the popcorn.
10:51You're trying to get all the popcorn on the needle?
10:53I don't think it says that against the rules is it?
10:55People underestimate me.
10:58Oh shit.
11:02How's it done that?
11:04I mean actually how has it done that?
11:08Why?
11:13Every time I touch it it ties itself in a knot.
11:16I'm going to have to make another one.
11:19Do you know I recently completed a master's degree?
11:26For goodness sake!
11:33I'm going to take a pew.
11:37No.
11:38I'll tell you what I'll do.
11:38I'll attach that one to a new bit of cotton.
11:41Okay.
11:54I did the right thing.
11:56I did the right thing.
11:58I did the right thing.
11:59I did the right thing.
12:00I did the right thing.
12:01I did the right thing.
12:02I did the right thing.
12:03I did the right thing.
12:04I did the right thing.
12:05I did the right thing.
12:07I did the right thing.
12:08I did the right thing.
12:08Eu vou parar o cló?
12:10Eu não acredito que eu escorri bem, Bear.
12:18Você parece um...
12:20Você está incompleto em...
12:22...em...
12:22...eis...
12:23... porque de Ethel.
12:27É uma forma de nunnery e Guz realmente thought
12:30... que os nuns ainda ainda tinham o lugar.
12:33Eu não vou dizer que eles foram lá,
12:35... mas você não vai dizer que eles não foram lá.
12:36...f?
12:37... e a lei, ela reconhece que eu não desrespecionei.
12:40Você sabe o que eu acho?
12:41Não, é bom.
12:43É bom para dizer que a pegue e meia, não é?
12:46É isso que eu sou satisfeita.
12:47É não é bom?
12:49Falei, então.
12:50Você quer dizer que eu sei que o que foi por ele era de Morgana...
12:52... para fazer uma coisa?
12:53... 16 minutos para fazer a lega.
12:57... 15 minutos para fazer a lega.
12:57... 11 minutos para fazer a lega.
12:59... 5 minutos e 37 minutos.
13:02Pelo menos.
13:06Now it's ding ding round two, or perhaps it isn't. Here's Desiree and Victoria.
13:13You must avoid making the bell. Okay, the bell has to not ring, got it.
13:17I either ring or don't ring the bell. I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to figure
13:21out what the right answer to that one was, so...
13:27I mean, seriously, this is going to take hours.
13:30You know when there's one little tiny thread of the thread hanging off, and you're like, you're going to thwart
13:35all of my plans.
13:40It's really difficult. Why haven't you got one with a bigger thing?
13:46And I'm in.
13:50And it's my cat's thing. Look at that. All right, cool.
13:53Putting things on my neck is hard.
13:59And the thing is, after a while, you just start to feel sort of queasy.
14:03Like, I think it's not...
14:05I think this is really unfair, because the actual sewing bit, I'd be all right.
14:08And I don't mind a double negative about threading a needle.
14:11And what if I just can't do it? Do we all stay here forever?
14:15I did the right thing! I did the right thing! I did the right thing!
14:20I think.
14:20I've stopped the clock.
14:22Great.
14:22And I am admiring your choking.
14:24Thank you very much.
14:26Okay, thank you, Desiree.
14:28Are you secretly laughing, because I haven't got to the difficult bit yet?
14:31I'm not not laughing.
14:35No? Is that it? Is it through?
14:37Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
14:39Oh, slightly and done.
14:45There we go.
14:46I did the right thing. I did the right thing. I did the right thing.
14:49I've stopped the clock.
14:51This is the future of television.
14:58They made some popcorn necklaces, relatively efficiently.
15:02Yes.
15:02Desiree was the quickest, 5 minutes 35.
15:05And out of the five of them,
15:07Victoria was the third quickest,
15:09with 7 minutes 38.
15:12Now.
15:13Now.
15:13To business.
15:14Right.
15:15Who did ring the bell?
15:17Hands up.
15:18And how comfortable do you feel about your decision?
15:2150% comfortable.
15:22Yeah?
15:24Correct answer.
15:25Because?
15:26Minus 25%.
15:29You two didn't ring the bell.
15:30How confident are you, Victoria?
15:32Is it, you must, on no circumstances,
15:34not avoid making the bell not ring?
15:37No, yeah, you must avoid making the bell ring.
15:39That's what that sentence means.
15:40Yeah, you mustn't ring it.
15:40I put this to Susie Dent.
15:42This is the only thing you can do in this circumstance.
15:44And she said,
15:45there's five negatives.
15:47So, not making the bell not ring is a double negative,
15:49and comes to the same thing as making the bell ring.
15:51Not avoid is a double negative that renders itself redundant.
15:54We know this.
15:54Yeah.
15:54So, you end up with,
15:55you must, under no circumstances,
15:57make the bell ring.
15:58Oh, shit sticks.
16:00So, they shouldn't have made the bell ring.
16:02Well, I said to Susie Dent,
16:03thank you,
16:04and I emailed her and said,
16:05Just wondering, Susie,
16:06did you include the first line,
16:07which was,
16:08do the opposite of the following?
16:09What?
16:11Oi.
16:12And Susie said,
16:13Oh, I missed that bit,
16:14which, of course,
16:14reverses the instruction of the paragraph that I analysed.
16:16If you got that right at home,
16:18get out more.
16:20Good.
16:21Unfortunately,
16:21that is bad news for Desiree and Victoria,
16:23who lose five points.
16:25So, that means,
16:26unfortunately,
16:27Desiree has lost all the points she gained.
16:29In the first task,
16:30she gets minus five,
16:31as does Victoria.
16:32Morgana gets three points,
16:33Alan, four,
16:33but Guz Khan wins the task
16:35and five points.
16:36Yes.
16:38You will show me a scoreboard.
16:40Garth and Alan are both in the lead with eight,
16:42and Victoria has got her first ever negative score with minus four.
16:47LAUGHTER
16:49Thank you.
16:50Thank you.
16:52I thought we'd do a team task.
16:54You're right again,
16:55and for this one,
16:56we ventured just outside the Taskmaster grounds
16:58for Sports Day.
17:13You're nice to play football all afternoon.
17:16Hello, team.
17:17Come and have a seat.
17:19Please have a seat.
17:21There's a task.
17:23Mm-hmm.
17:25Provide the most iconic and memorable commentary
17:28for this brilliant one minute of socially distanced sport.
17:33One of you must commentate on the action.
17:36The other must provide analysis.
17:39LAUGHTER
17:39The best commentary
17:42on the most brilliant socially distanced sport wins.
17:47You have 15 minutes.
17:48Your time starts now.
17:50Would you like me to run the VT?
17:51Yes, please.
17:52Let's just watch it for now.
17:53Run VT.
17:57Oh, no, it's a football thing.
18:01If we could all stand on a spot, that'd be great.
18:04Welcome to the arena.
18:06Everyone all right?
18:08Yes.
18:09Lovely day.
18:11It's like being on a holiday in the 70s.
18:15Play the most brilliant minute of socially distanced sport.
18:20You have ten minutes.
18:23Your time starts now.
18:26OK, it's a double task, Greg.
18:28Hmm.
18:28Explain what's going on there.
18:29Yeah, so first of all, they all got the task
18:31to do a minute of socially distanced sport.
18:33The best minute.
18:34Then after they did that, they came back out again
18:36and got the task to commentate on the sport they'd just done.
18:39So it's a double task for you to judge.
18:41All right.
18:42Here is the sport in its planning stages.
18:45Can we play golf club boxing?
18:47Which is where one person has a golf,
18:49and we stick that glove on the end,
18:50and then we hit each other.
18:51You do what again?
18:52You just beat somebody with a...
18:54I will be the referee.
18:55I would love to see you two swing it out.
18:57What?
18:57He shot it on the head?
18:59That's exhilarating.
18:59Very exhilarating to me.
19:01You watch sport, don't you?
19:02You would physically...
19:03Oh, I love sport.
19:04Can you distill what's interesting about looking at it?
19:08Some sort of expertise.
19:11Athleticism.
19:11I might fall at that hurdle.
19:12Moments of surprise.
19:14That I can do.
19:16How do we decide who wins at the hitting match?
19:18What if it's us trying to just hit him with any balls?
19:22I like how you turn this round on me.
19:24Come on.
19:25I'm coming.
19:25OK.
19:29Yes!
19:29You've got to get things into that net.
19:32I've got to stop them going in.
19:34OK.
19:35Would that be fun?
19:36Yes.
19:36But there's going to be surprises.
19:38You said there should be surprises.
19:40So there's going to be surprises.
19:41Guys, ball, guys, ball, guys, ball.
19:44I just want to say this is very ironic considering I initially came up with a game that involved
19:48me not getting hit.
19:49That's karma, boo.
19:50If you get a goal, it's a point.
19:52If I get it back over the net, it's a point.
19:55It's a pretty brilliant score.
19:57And prepare yourself for the element of surprise.
20:00APPLAUSE
20:04That's the planning stages, Greg.
20:06Sorry, I'm just putting a copyright on the phrase, that's karma, boo.
20:11Some good TM merch.
20:13Guz, you suggest you want to watch two women hitting each other with golf clubs?
20:17Not completely golf clubs.
20:18I said, like, put boxing gloves on the end of it.
20:21Oh, you know, a monster.
20:22There's boxing gloves on the end of it.
20:24Your sport, the main thing that struck me is that sometimes, Victoria, you sound like a robot who's learning how
20:30to be a human.
20:32Could you please distill what's interesting about sport?
20:36Well, you said it's the most interesting sport, so I said, what's the thing that makes it interesting, and we'll
20:41do that.
20:41I mean, to be fair, Alan did distill it very quickly into three factors.
20:45Ability, hand-eye coordination, and surprise.
20:47That is sport.
20:48Yeah, there you go.
20:48You see, this is where I think I went wrong, because when I said surprise, I meant, you know, the
20:52great sportsman will sometimes surprise their opponent with an unexpected manoeuvre, a bit of skill.
20:58And I think Victoria thought I meant surprise as in a magician.
21:06That's right, because the sports robot just loaded up the word surprise.
21:11What, and surprise?
21:13Well, let's see how well I learned.
21:18OK, well, we can look, first of all, at Alan and Victoria commentating on multi-sports.
21:24Actuate!
21:30Well, it's a magnificent afternoon for sports.
21:33We're looking at the competitors coming into the paddock now.
21:35What do you think?
21:36They look ready?
21:37Well, multi-sport's fascinating, isn't it, Victoria, with the option here to either score a goal against the cricketer,
21:42or the cricketer hit the football over the tennis net.
21:45Either way, it's a point each.
21:46It promises a lot of excitement.
21:48Let's have a look at the action.
21:49OK, your minute of sports begins.
21:53Oh, Coral Mitchell's first up.
21:54She's lining up a shot.
21:56Oh, she's surprising with the noise.
21:58Oh, nicely done.
21:59You see, he's trying to get that back over the net there, but it's a feeble attempt.
22:02This time, the surprise is, you have to remain within these cones.
22:06No way!
22:06Oh, it's the cones.
22:07She's bringing in the element of surprise, which is key.
22:09I recently learned to sport.
22:11This is vengeful.
22:12There's something bitter about this approach.
22:14I mean, he really seems packed into a corner there, but really, he's got no chance here.
22:18She must score.
22:19Oh, that's an exceptional save, and not quite a score, but it keeps the scores level.
22:24You're halfway through the minute of sport.
22:26She's just put that into play.
22:27That's a gift.
22:28Holy score!
22:29Unbelievable goal!
22:30Absolutely incredible.
22:32Davis a goal up now, wielding that bat happily.
22:35Oh, she's going for the green ball, easier to see.
22:37Surprise number two.
22:39You've got to face in the other direction.
22:40What?
22:41Coral Mitchell's made it turn around.
22:44Well, she's got one in.
22:45Is that legitimate, Victoria?
22:46It's all legitimate.
22:48Literally, it's gloves off.
22:49Surprise number three.
22:50Oh, she's inviting him to look down.
22:52Her top is not being distracted.
22:53It's prompted.
22:54It's into the net.
22:55She's complaining to the referee, but what about?
22:57Five seconds, five seconds.
22:58It's the last seconds.
22:59If you let me get this, and I'll give you five pounds.
23:00It's 1-1.
23:01Oh, my word, it's the winner!
23:03She doesn't know it.
23:05She doesn't know the rules.
23:06She doesn't know the rules.
23:07Yeah.
23:11That's so important to win.
23:13It was a great game.
23:15It was a great game.
23:16There was definitely the element of surprise in it.
23:18My favourite element of surprise.
23:20Brrarrr!
23:22Happy with Victoria making Alan look down her shirt?
23:25Well, I didn't make him.
23:26I shouted, look down here, and pulled it down.
23:28It wasn't distracted at all.
23:30That's why I was complaining to the referee.
23:32Because he wouldn't stare down your top.
23:36That's a lovely twist on professional sport.
23:40Referee!
23:40They were out!
23:45It's the litmus test for how much a man's really interested in sports.
23:50Now, at last, let's play Guzball!
23:57It's the finals here.
23:59It's really exciting.
24:00It's quite a crowd.
24:01I don't know about you, Rodders, but how are you feeling about that?
24:04Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:05So, um, this is a mental game more than it is a physical game.
24:08I know it looks like you're just hitting balls, but really there's an underlying Xena hitting
24:12balls.
24:13And sometimes the crowd gives you life and sometimes it takes it from you.
24:16But the thing is, although I respect Rodders, a very illustrious player over there, more about the mental than the
24:22physical, I've had my bollocks permanently damaged from this game.
24:25Yeah, but I mean, you know, your balls can be damaged here, but if your ball's damaged up here, that's
24:32where the real problem comes in, man.
24:34Let's try it.
24:35So, let's play the game.
24:36Oh, let's do this.
24:37I'm so excited.
24:38That's right.
24:38There we go.
24:39Your minute of Guzball starts.
24:42You see both players ready.
24:45Oh, and they're off.
24:47Birch already in with the first point.
24:49Great poise and balance there.
24:51Oh, Robinson right there.
24:53Khan there in the centre protecting the goals.
24:55Yeah, well, I think the thing is, I just want to draw respect to the amount of damage to Khan
24:58in the middle there.
25:00Children are something he can never enjoy.
25:02If you don't look after your own bits.
25:05Oh, yeah, they're nearly the next.
25:07Minus ten points here.
25:09Yeah, but I mean, you can tell by their stance that she feels like it was worth it.
25:12If we keep an eye on Robinson, she's got a reputation.
25:15Outstanding player, but a dirty bastard.
25:17She is quite a wild one when she's not on the pitch, that's for sure.
25:23Oh, simultaneous, that one.
25:25Guz, it's your turn, Guz.
25:27Guz is quite arrogant.
25:28He brings on that arrogance, that swagger when he comes on to the pitch.
25:31It takes that arrogance to stand in the centre of the ring, you know?
25:34Like, nobody wants to be that guy, but everybody looks up to that guy, right?
25:38Guz, you've got three more seconds.
25:39I'll take it.
25:40Oh, right through the legs.
25:42Khan he's shit, isn't he?
25:44That's right.
25:44Where does this ball want to live?
25:47Oh, look at that.
25:49Bunch to perfection.
25:51Okay.
25:52I'm going to say, Birch is smashing this to pieces.
25:54Yeah.
25:55This is really shit game.
25:56Looks like it's going to be enough.
25:58Yes!
26:00Guz Bowl champion!
26:02Wow.
26:02Very chillerating team of Guz for you there.
26:05Thank you to Rodney and runners.
26:07Always a pleasure.
26:08See you next week, if you like.
26:11Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:17I mean, I think Guz, with the greatest respect, summed up Guz Bowl as a sport.
26:21Just to himself, quietly, he said it's a really shit game at the end there.
26:25I think he might have a point.
26:28But the commentary was sensational.
26:32It had it all.
26:33It had a rock-solid regional anchor, who I absolutely trusted.
26:39Mm-hmm.
26:39She was called Rod.
26:40Then we had an ex-player, I presume.
26:42Yeah, Rodders.
26:43Rodders, quite bitter about his career.
26:46And the pretentious pundit on the end there was unbelievable.
26:50I mean, no-one wants to be that guy, but everyone looks up to that guy, right?
26:55Emma Brown.
26:57You hit it wrong.
26:58Yeah, do you ring the bell or not?
27:01Well, you've got a judge of commentary and you've got a judge of sports.
27:04I enjoyed multi-sport more as a sport, but I preferred this dedicated team.
27:11OK.
27:12So I think you have to give everybody the same points.
27:14Level Neville.
27:15I'll just give them five points each.
27:17Hooray!
27:17That's what it feels like.
27:18Yay!
27:19Woo!
27:20It feels right to me.
27:21I want to have a task and I want one now!
27:24OK, coming right up.
27:26And it's time to turn that frown upside down.
27:41Lovely little cat.
27:43Ooh, I see it through the window.
27:45Let me not break my face, though.
27:51Smells like spicy, something like Chinese five spice in here.
27:59Oh!
28:00Well, that's not creepy, you looming in the window.
28:02Good.
28:03Is that more casual?
28:04Yes.
28:06It's past.
28:08Master.
28:10Make your face look like another face when your face is turned upside down.
28:17Make your face look like another face when your face is turned upside down.
28:24Most expressive and radically different upside down face wins.
28:33You have 15 minutes and time starts now.
28:38Is there a mirror?
28:39Would you like me to get you a mirror?
28:40I'd like a mirror.
28:42Can I assume anything I can find will wash off?
28:44Definitely worth assuming that.
28:48Well, I don't know what to do.
28:55It's interesting, isn't it?
28:57During a task where you have to do the most expressive upside down face,
29:00Alan employs the least expressive.
29:04I was genuinely worried about him for a while.
29:07Right.
29:07Right.
29:08First, let's see them making their faces in a sort of throwaway make-up tutorial.
29:19Oh, hello.
29:21Hello.
29:22Cute.
29:23You have moustaches.
29:24That's going to happen.
29:26Hang on.
29:26Right.
29:28Holy shnikes.
29:29There's all kinds of stuff in here.
29:33LAUGHTER
29:35LAUGHTER
29:36LAUGHTER
29:39LAUGHTER
29:45That's a beard.
29:47This is my mouth, right?
29:49Wait.
29:52LAUGHTER
29:55You know what?
29:5615 minutes passes way quicker than you think.
29:59OK.
30:00Oh, my God.
30:01Right, I'm going to try and do a math.
30:02But that needs to be upside down, right?
30:04Well, are you going to be happy or sad?
30:06LAUGHTER
30:07Let's find out.
30:08LAUGHTER
30:12There might be someone wearing a balaclava.
30:16LAUGHTER
30:17LAUGHTER
30:18MUSIC PLAYS
30:21MUSIC PLAYS
30:24GOOGLY EYES
30:25GOOGLY EYES
30:26GOOGLY EYES
30:27GOOGLY EYES
30:27GOOGLY EYES
30:29GOOGLY EYES
30:29GOOGLY EYES
30:30GOOGLY EYES
30:30GOOGLY EYES
30:31GOOGLY EYES
30:33Six minutes left, Alan.
30:35OK.
30:35So far, you've stuck two eyes in your chin.
30:36Look, we're not going to get much further than that, either.
30:40Look at that.
30:41Yeah.
30:41That's proper.
30:42Yeah, that's good shit.
30:43I think we'll do all of you.
30:45Yeah, I think that's going to be quicker.
30:48That's not worked.
30:54Hmm.
30:55I'm going to need more smile.
30:59MUSIC PLAYS
31:00Yeah, yeah.
31:02LAUGHTER
31:03I'm going to get this in.
31:04Oh, yeah.
31:05Tell you what, I'll have to have a punch.
31:11MUSIC PLAYS
31:12How does that look?
31:13Well, it's like you're holding a piece of paper.
31:14Yeah, ignore the paper.
31:15I don't focus on the paper.
31:16I'll try and not focus on the paper.
31:19Yeah.
31:20I mean, I think I'm done.
31:22Yeah.
31:25How's that?
31:26I can't see the eyes, the eye patch, all the stuff.
31:30MUSIC PLAYS
31:31Yeah, are you done?
31:33Yeah.
31:33OK.
31:34You know, I pulled out the professional makeup.
31:36HE LAUGHS
31:39Didn't even touch it.
31:45I like it when logic gives away to a grown woman
31:49just throwing a handful of googly eyes against her chin.
31:51Yeah.
31:52You can throw enough shit at them or something will stick.
31:55Something will stick.
31:56Yeah, a slightly different technique to Alan.
31:59Um...
31:59Sometimes the backing music captures an image perfectly
32:02and there was such a great sadness
32:05when Alan was holding his two googly eyes against his chin
32:09and there was just one haunting violin string played across it.
32:13And I'd love to re-see it.
32:15Here we go.
32:20Oh, that's so beautiful.
32:22Clearly waiting for the glue to dry.
32:24What if...
32:29Let's see all their upside-down faces.
32:35Hi Morgana.
32:36Hi.
32:38How's it going?
32:40I'm good.
32:40What have you guys been getting up to in here?
32:43What is it?
32:44You know what I mean.
32:46Alex, I don't want to blow my old trumpet here, brother.
32:49I think the procession means that I'm quite cool.
32:52OK.
32:54I don't know what you do.
32:57Oh my God, it's brilliant!
33:01Well, we can see any one of them again, Greg.
33:03I want to see them all again, obviously.
33:05Here are all five of them.
33:06Oh my God.
33:08Desiree just looks like Desiree.
33:12Just looks like Desiree
33:13after she's been a bit clumsy eating her breakfast.
33:17Just every morning.
33:19So the mouth is the red bit, is that right?
33:22Yeah.
33:22And then I tried to go around my actual nose
33:25to use the holes, you know,
33:27it's like found poetry, right?
33:29Yeah.
33:29And then...
33:30And then there's just some inconvenient eyeballs on my cheeks.
33:33But she's justified the nostrils as found poetry, Greg.
33:36Yeah, I heard that.
33:37I heard about it in poetry.
33:39All right.
33:40Here's Guz.
33:42So his mouth, in case you're wondering,
33:44is underneath the grey stuff on the top.
33:46His real mouth.
33:47But you forget all about that, I think.
33:49Yeah.
33:49You really do.
33:50I think he looks like a children's TV character
33:52that's a friendly llama.
33:53Yeah.
33:54Yeah, it didn't say I'd be human.
33:56It's expressive.
33:57Certainly it's human.
33:58Oh, man.
33:59OK, back to the five.
34:00It's a work of art.
34:02So I sort of want to know
34:03what Morgana's character's got in her mouth.
34:05Yeah, that was...
34:06What in her mouth?
34:06That's Morgana's tongue.
34:08That's a grey tongue.
34:08She's got one of those tongues
34:10that extends out the back of her head, personally.
34:12LAUGHTER
34:13Like a woodpecker.
34:15LAUGHTER
34:16What is your character going through emotionally,
34:18do you think?
34:18Utter turmoil.
34:20Yeah, turmoil.
34:20Two left.
34:22This is Victoria's.
34:23Oh.
34:24I feel you have to keep looking at it.
34:26It's like a magic eye picture.
34:27It's really good, actually.
34:29Yeah, it's more expressive
34:30than you first think, isn't it?
34:31It's a bit Jack Nicholson.
34:33Any sort of backstory
34:34you want to pop on there, Victoria, for us?
34:37Or...?
34:37Well, mostly a sort of deep, professional regret.
34:42LAUGHTER
34:43Spread out over ten weeks.
34:45LAUGHTER
34:47LAUGHTER
34:47It's a contender.
34:48Oh, OK, there's one left.
34:50We took a few different shots of Alan.
34:52That was when one of the eyes fell off,
34:54so he turned into an eye patch.
34:55I mean, it looks to me
34:57like a drunk man
35:00fresh in from a car park fight at this stage.
35:03LAUGHTER
35:04It's all kicked off
35:05out the back of the white swan.
35:08LAUGHTER
35:08Alan, calm down, calm down.
35:11LAUGHTER
35:11Car park Alan.
35:13At the very end of the montage,
35:14there was one with both eyes on
35:15and a tongue poking out.
35:16Yeah.
35:17Now, this guy...
35:19LAUGHTER
35:19Before he's gone out.
35:20It's an awful story.
35:22LAUGHTER
35:22Look at how happy he is.
35:24Can't wait to get out for a lovely pint.
35:26LAUGHTER
35:26I hope I don't get the shit kicked out of me
35:28in the car park and lose an eye.
35:30I wonder if anyone will notice how close together my eyes are
35:33and take against me.
35:34LAUGHTER
35:35Well, Grave, you're going to have to judge your faces.
35:37I am.
35:38Well, I think I'm marking pre-fight Alan.
35:41LAUGHTER
35:42Alan, what?
35:43Yay!
35:43Pre-fight Alan!
35:45LAUGHTER
35:45The range of expressions in Victoria's,
35:49I think, needs to be rewarded on this occasion.
35:51Right.
35:52But...
35:53Tragedy of the story of Alan...
35:55LAUGHTER
35:56..means that his initial expression of hope...
35:58LAUGHTER
35:59I think I'm going to give them both five points.
36:02Ooh!
36:02And I'm going to follow closely by old...
36:07..old tongue-neck.
36:09OK, so four points to Morgana, is that right?
36:11I'm going to give four, but I'm also going to give four points...
36:15..to the menacing eyes of the smiling llama.
36:20And then it's just Desiree left.
36:22And then it's how big the gulf...
36:24LAUGHTER
36:25..between the others...
36:27..an old breakfast face.
36:30LAUGHTER
36:33I'm going to give Desiree, um, two sweet points.
36:36Two sweet points, but it's five to Alan and Victoria!
36:38There it is.
36:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
36:43Ooh, what are the scores?
36:44Hi, Greg.
36:45Well, Victoria's back to her traditional fifth place at the moment.
36:48And in the lead, it's Alan with 18, then Guz with 17.
36:51Ooh! Lovely.
36:54APPLAUSE
36:55Right, can you please make your way to the stage for guess what?
36:58It's the final task of the show!
37:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:02AND APPLAUSE
37:06HEADS
37:07Hello.
37:08Hello.
37:09Would you like someone to read the task?
37:11Yep.
37:11How about pre-fight Alan?
37:13Yes, please.
37:16Pop up before the object, but only just.
37:21You are only allowed to pop up once.
37:23Closest to the pop before the pop wins the round.
37:27If you pop up after the object, you get no points that round.
37:31There are going to be three rounds of best popper.
37:34First of all, it's the toaster.
37:36You've got to pop up before the toast, but only just.
37:39If you pop up after it, you don't get any points in that round.
37:42If you pop up before it, the closest to the pop gets five points,
37:45and then four points and three points.
37:46And then over the three rounds, we'll work out who's the best popper.
37:49Are we ready for round one?
37:50Let's pop.
37:52OK, I'm going to pop down the bread, and it will pop up as perfect toast.
37:58Good luck, everyone.
38:12Genuinely quite tense.
38:45I think we can safely say now that they have all popped up.
38:48As slow as my toaster at home, I should have factored.
38:54Oh, perfect piece of toast.
38:55OK, you can all pop down onto your chairs again.
38:58Depop.
38:59So, Morgana popped up closest to the pop, but you'll all get points.
39:03She did some lovely pop work.
39:05Round two is the jack-in-the-box.
39:07The taskmaster will control the jack-in-the-box, and up it will pop.
39:11You must pop before the jack.
39:15lift.
39:27Yes, sir.
39:31Yes, sir.
39:33Yes, sir.
39:35Right now.
39:37.
39:37.
39:37.
39:37.
39:38.
39:38.
39:43.
39:44.
39:48.
39:48Boa!
39:49Na verdade, Victoria foi o posto para a pop.
39:52Lovely popper.
39:52Obrigado, Victoria.
39:53E agora vamos ao round 3,
39:55o mais tento de todas as três rounds.
39:57Há um grande balão no meio da palco.
40:01Se você quiser colocar o ardefendê-se aí,
40:03que é um para você.
40:05Fácil para você.
40:06Ok.
40:07Então, por favor, antes da balão, mas apenas apenas.
40:10Boa sorte.
40:11Greg, por favor, start inflando a balão.
40:31Já está quase um grande balão, mas...
40:33é mais grande.
40:51Eu estou realmente mellendo a balão.
40:54É realmente uma grande balão, não é?
41:06Eu acho que estou a criação.
41:10Incrível play.
41:11É grande balão, agora.
41:23O que é isso?
41:43Não, não, não, não.
42:22Não, não, não, não, não, não, não.
42:37Não, não, não, não, não.
42:40Desiree was so nearly beating the pop at the end, but she didn't,
42:44so she got nought points in that last round.
42:45She came last in the game as a whole,
42:47so she gets two points because Alan and Victoria came joint third.
42:51They get three points each.
42:52Guz, fourth, but Morgana was amazing.
42:54She came first, second and first in the rounds,
42:56so she gets the full five points.
42:59And that means in the series, Victoria has got to 100 points exactly.
43:04Hooray!
43:06And then Desiree on 119.
43:08Alan and Guz both on 131.
43:10Morgana on 132.
43:12Wow.
43:14Two shows to go.
43:16And it's no less time in this particular episode
43:18because Guz has 21 points, Alan, 21 points.
43:21We have joint winners.
43:22Oh!
43:26I don't know what to do now.
43:28I do a tie-break, a really good tie-break.
43:30For this one, they had to blow a feather across a table
43:32as fast as possible,
43:33but they could only blow it with their noses.
43:37It's not as easy as it sounds.
43:38Let's see how they got on.
43:40Alex, are you ready, baby?
43:42I am.
43:43Just your nose.
43:43Good luck goes.
43:58That's not a good technique.
44:19It was tight.
44:20Alan did it in 9.5 seconds
44:22and Guz in 28.7 seconds,
44:24which means Alan wins!
44:29Alan wins, please go and pick up your repurposed prizes!
44:36So what have we learned today?
44:38Well, people have suggested
44:39because of the multitude of horrors we've seen over 12 series,
44:43Alex and I have been left bereft of feeling.
44:46Today, we found out categorically
44:48that is not true.
44:51Ooh!
44:56OK, brave boys.
44:57Brave boys.
44:58Bye for now and hooray again
45:00for Alan Davis!
45:01Thanks for watching.
45:02Good night!
45:19Aplausos.
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