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00:00.
00:31O que é isso?
01:00O que é isso?
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02:12O que é isso?
02:13O que é?
02:13O que é isso?
02:14O que é isso?
02:17O que é isso?
02:21O que é isso?
02:24O que é isso?
02:27O que é isso?
02:27O que é isso?
02:29O que é isso?
02:30O que é isso?
02:32O que é isso?
02:35O que é isso?
02:38O que é isso?
02:39É isso?
02:39O que é isso?
02:41O que é isso?
02:41O que é isso?
02:42O que é isso?
02:46Eu estava...
02:47Eu estava...
02:48Eu estava dizendo que estava deixando.
02:52Eu acho que, às vezes,
02:54em este round, você está provocando me.
02:59Não é?
03:00Olá?
03:03100%.
03:04Então, eu tenho um
03:06a Zimbabwean trip
03:08boomerang.
03:09Sim, Alex.
03:11Ok.
03:12So, whoa.
03:16Any of you ever heard about
03:17the Norfolk panther?
03:18Widely discredited.
03:19I was out for a walk in the forest.
03:22I've got my trip boomerang in my pocket,
03:24because, you know, Norfolk was like a war zone in those days.
03:26Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.
03:28I hear a little rustle in the bushes, and I'm thinking,
03:30cool, that's a pheasant.
03:31But as I walk, the rustle starts to follow me.
03:35So, before I know it,
03:36now I'm running, OK?
03:37And I can hear, literally, trees moving,
03:40bushes rustling, this, that, and the other,
03:41and I'm being chased by the panther.
03:43Like, I know those footsteps.
03:45So, without thinking, I grab the boomerang,
03:48swing it, I throw it,
03:50and carried on running.
03:51And the reason I know it hit the panther is because,
03:53if it didn't, I would be dead.
03:58Is there a chance that you kill someone's dog?
04:01LAUGHTER
04:03Wow, I mean, that is absolutely rubbish.
04:06OK, OK.
04:07Um, Ferd...
04:09Ferd, this is looking pretty optimistic, I think.
04:12Er, I brought in a bottle opener keyring.
04:15OK.
04:15You're at a party.
04:17You don't have any social skills.
04:20You don't have very many friends.
04:22People don't want to talk to you.
04:23Who is this character?
04:24It's me in my everyday life.
04:26It's fine.
04:28And then someone says,
04:29has anyone got a bottle opener?
04:32And you say, yes, me.
04:33And then people want you,
04:35they keep you in their life.
04:37I think I've had my bottle opener keyring
04:40for maybe seven years now,
04:43and it's been incredible.
04:44So, basically, this is what Fern has brought in.
04:47LAUGHTER
04:48It says something, doesn't it?
04:50How do you two feel about the fact
04:51that I'm genuinely considering putting this above yours?
04:54LAUGHTER
04:56No, that can't be.
04:57Sarah.
04:58I've been in my current relationship for 16 years.
05:02Yep.
05:03And we decided to start this.
05:07Here it is. OK.
05:10Which is the joy of sex.
05:12We just thought we'd work our way through it,
05:13start to finish.
05:14But the problem, as you can see,
05:16there's a bookmark,
05:17we only got eight pages in,
05:19and we gave up.
05:21We massively underestimated
05:22how long it would take
05:24and how much effort it would take,
05:26given that way both in our mid to late 40s.
05:28We got up to the page
05:29where it suggested you eat food off each other.
05:32We overdid it.
05:32We had to have a nap.
05:33It didn't work.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:36You ever used food during sex?
05:37Oh, yeah.
05:39Yeah?
05:39What have you done?
05:40Everything?
05:41What haven't I done?
05:42Chips?
05:43Done.
05:44LAUGHTER
05:45LAUGHTER
05:50Thank you, Sarah.
05:51You have underestimated your own sexual appetite.
05:54Absolutely.
05:54Dara, what have you brought in?
05:56Something humble, which is in fact great,
05:58which is the humble fish finger sandwich.
06:01We have one here.
06:02It is a comfort food.
06:03It is light.
06:04It is incredibly easy to prepare.
06:07Yeah.
06:07It is the friend of all hungover dads
06:10who have to prepare a meal for children.
06:12Kids love it.
06:13It works.
06:13It's done fast and straightforward.
06:15And I think, because we live in a world of burgers and chains,
06:19the fish finger sandwich is the next food trend.
06:21Can I say something, Dara?
06:22And I hope you'll take this in the spirit it's intended.
06:24I will.
06:25You throw so much information out sometimes,
06:27I sometimes feel I'm at a chicken auction.
06:30LAUGHTER
06:34And all I can hear is,
06:36it'll give me five minutes.
06:39It's incredible.
06:41I do, I'm sad.
06:42Right, I should score these.
06:43I'm giving Monya one point.
06:45Oh.
06:45Yeah.
06:46Monya one.
06:47I mean, unbelievably, John...
06:49I can't believe it.
06:50What do you mean you can't believe?
06:51For a penny!
06:52Two points to John's penny, OK?
06:54You shouldn't underestimate a fish finger sandwich.
06:56I have to take Sarah's word for the fact she underestimated
06:59the joy of sex.
07:00And Fern's beautiful story about the power of the bottle opener
07:04means I very much have underestimated the bottle opener.
07:07Right, OK, then.
07:07So, what I'm going to do is give them all three points.
07:10Three points.
07:11Yes, and that's an end to it.
07:12Right, fine.
07:12Three points, three points, three points, two, one.
07:14There are no winners!
07:15There!
07:20Task time!
07:21OK.
07:21Yes, it is.
07:22And this one started off as a tie-break task,
07:24but then we decided it was something that everybody should see.
07:27So, here we go.
07:41Hello.
07:44How are you?
07:44You're so smiley today.
07:46I like that little voice.
07:50A little look.
07:51Oh, that's interesting.
07:53We'll have you first.
07:54Feeling good?
07:55Oh, I'm feeling... great.
08:00It's not a new one.
08:01Exciting, innit?
08:04Hello, Sarah.
08:09It's almost like you're on to me.
08:15Yuck!
08:17Snort.
08:18Then blow a raspberry.
08:20Then whistle.
08:21Then repeat that sequence for one minute.
08:23Snort, raspberry, whistle.
08:27The most completed sequence is when...
08:32Your time starts when you next snort.
08:37I don't even know how to snort.
08:39So, what is a snort, in or out?
08:41Grrr.
08:43Can you do a snort?
08:46Eww!
08:48I can't whistle, but, you know.
08:51You can practise whistling before snorting.
08:54Oh, you'd love that.
09:01It's a bog-standard game of international snort, raspberry whistle.
09:05That's my understanding of the task.
09:07I suppose it is.
09:07It would appear few members of the cast have reached adulthood
09:10without learning how to snort or whistle.
09:12And to demonstrate this, we begin with Fern Brady.
09:15Deep breath.
09:17Here we go.
09:24Is that your first one?
09:25Eee-hee!
09:27I've got to start the watch as have you...
09:29Have you started, have we?
09:31SHOOTING
09:32BIRD
09:32BIRD
09:33BIRD
09:34BIRD
09:35BIRD
09:36BIRD
09:37BIRD
09:41BIRD
09:42BIRD
09:42BIRD
09:43BIRD
09:48BIRD
09:49BIRD
09:49BIRD
09:49BIRD
09:50BIRD
09:50BIRD
09:51BIRD
09:52BIRD
09:53BIRD
09:55BIRD
10:04BIRD
10:20BIRD
10:22I thought I won that one.
10:24How?
10:25How do you think you won that one?
10:27Because I kept trying.
10:29Ok, let's see two of them together now.
10:31John Kearns can't whistle, but Sarah Millie can.
10:33Here we go.
10:35I don't know.
10:40It's awesome.
11:15Oh, you've got to do it quick.
11:22Keep forgetting the order.
11:29Is this a long minute?
11:39Is this longer than a minute?
11:41You've got ten seconds.
11:42I thought you were taking the piss off.
11:54I don't know what happened there.
11:56I feel a bit dizzy, but in quite a sort of good way.
11:59You were very focused.
12:01Can I do a horn just to centre myself?
12:04Is that all right?
12:05I'd love one more then.
12:06Oh, actually the hand will be.
12:07I mean, frankly, compared to the last effort we saw, you look like a professional.
12:19Thanks.
12:20She thought that time had stood still for a moment.
12:22It's called a Kairos moment.
12:24People experience it with grief.
12:25Or this.
12:28Just the two things?
12:29Yeah.
12:29It's very common.
12:30She completed 18 cycles in a minute.
12:33That's pretty good.
12:34John, the whistling absolutely destroyed your game.
12:38Now, we know you've been working on your whistling.
12:40Can we see an in-studio whistle?
12:42It's glasses off normally, John.
12:45Competition conditions, John.
12:56There are still two potential snort raspberry whistle triathletes left to go, so here's how Dara and Munya got on.
13:02Thing is, it's making me look unattractive.
13:05So can I shield myself?
13:07There's different aspects of my career and a model could still be one.
13:11They're not going to pick a snorting raspberry five-foot-three Zimbabwean, are they?
13:36It sounds like walking past your bedroom every night.
13:47It's all right.
13:51I'm too dry to snort.
14:00It's getting dry now.
14:01Ten seconds.
14:02DUNK
14:08KONG
14:13Can we just take New Aslavia?
14:15Oh, yeah.
14:18That's irritating.
14:20The little mucus I had, I worked it.
14:25Now we're getting to the business end of this competition.
14:29Eu acho que é a primeira pergunta que eu quero perguntar, realmente.
14:31Por que, Monja, você optou por um perverte's whistle?
14:38Eu acho que era mais fácil de fazer.
14:40Cada vez que você fez isso, eu sort of covered myself up.
14:46Dara?
14:47Sim.
14:47Isso é o que eu escrevi.
14:48Dara, parece que ele vai dar sua cabeça inside out.
14:52Coma.
14:52Mas o que é o que é?
14:56Eu vou ficar em um pouco com isso.
14:59Dara?
15:00Dara?
15:01Faultless com rhythm.
15:03Completa 17 cycles.
15:04Monja?
15:0524.
15:06Oh!
15:07Mais um item em segundo segundo.
15:09O que são os scores?
15:10Você é feliz a reward John e Fern?
15:12Sim.
15:12Eu acho que eles deveriam estar por ter parte.
15:14Em que caso, eles ganham 2 points para ficar joint 4.
15:163 para Dara, 4 para Serra.
15:18Mas Monja?
15:185 points!
15:1912 points!
15:21E aí
15:23E aí
15:24Vamos lá.
15:25Ok.
15:25Fern, já para ganhar um episódio.
15:27A única única que soa.
15:28Ela está em segundo segundo.
15:295.
15:30Serra está em leado com 7 points!
15:32E aí
15:34É claro.
15:35É claro.
15:35É claro.
15:37Ok.
15:38E aí
15:38E aí
15:39E aí
15:39E aí
15:41E aí
15:42E aí
15:43E aí
15:44E aí
15:44E aí
15:45E aí
15:55E aí
15:55E aí
15:56E aí
15:56E aí
15:57E aí
15:59E aí
16:00Oh, my God!
16:02Write a one-minute, one-person play.
16:05Best script wins. You have 20 minutes.
16:08Your time starts now.
16:10OK.
16:12Gold pen.
16:14Also, this is thick paper.
16:17That's a lot of GSMs, isn't it?
16:21Plays are boring.
16:24Have you written plays before?
16:25Yeah.
16:25I found one the other day that I wrote on the Tesco checkouts in Bathgate.
16:30It was quite misogynist and ageist.
16:34You wrote it.
16:35I wrote it, yeah, yeah.
16:38OK, yeah.
16:41Interior of day.
16:49Yeah.
16:51The audience walking.
16:54All right, then.
17:03Ten more paper.
17:04Seven minutes left, John.
17:05How many words have you written?
17:08That's not important.
17:1120 seconds, Donna.
17:17DOOR
17:18DOOR
17:18DOOR
17:19DOOR
17:21DOOR
17:25I mean, knowing the teams I do, I can't imagine what these plays are going to be like.
17:30Mm-hm.
17:30I'm buzzing.
17:31Well, we did get five lovely plays written by five lovely people.
17:35But what to do with them?
17:36Well, this is what we did with them.
17:45Hello.
17:46Hi, Fern.
17:47A script by John Kearns.
17:51MEANING BY FERN BRADY.
17:54I don't know what this is going to say.
17:57Oh, my God.
17:59Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:02Stage and perform this one-minute, one-person play.
18:07Best performance wins.
18:09You've 30 minutes.
18:10Your time starts now.
18:13OK.
18:14I'm going to read the play first.
18:17See, this is going to be good, isn't it?
18:20Mine was, do you know what? Mine's piss easy. There's no lines.
18:25Man, this is OK.
18:29This is very good.
18:31Is there no dialogue?
18:33Oh, you dick.
18:35Did I read a one-minute play?
18:37Oh, I remember my one-minute play was really good.
18:39It was really action-packed.
18:40There's a lot of stuff happening in my one-minute play.
18:42My one-minute play was much better than this.
18:47I just want to go for it and just let the emotion take over me.
18:51So, let's make me a woman.
18:54Actors sat on stage cross-legged.
18:58Wow.
18:59You can tell he's young.
19:00It's not been long since he's done assemblies, that's what I'm assuming.
19:09There's a lot of creative differences over here, I sense.
19:13Sarah was furious.
19:15There's no two ways about it.
19:16She was angry.
19:17Jesus!
19:18I wanted to create an otherworldly experience
19:21because I once read that if you sellotape two ping-pong balls over your eyes
19:26and then play white noise, you will hallucinate.
19:29Yeah.
19:30So...
19:31I wanted to create that for my actor.
19:35Yeah.
19:36John's lost it.
19:37He knows what's coming.
19:39I think I know which play we're all looking forward to.
19:43And they're getting scored separately here on their playwriting ability
19:47and their performance.
19:48Yes, they are.
19:49Lot of points at stake.
19:50The first to tread the boards and performing Fern Brady's play, meaning, it's Munya Chihuahua.
19:56Oh, God.
20:08Hey.
20:09Let go of that.
20:16Oh.
20:18Oh.
20:19Oh.
20:19My head.
20:28I'm reading this, ya boo.
20:31You're talking.
20:33Now you can hear me.
20:34Things are going to change around here.
20:36No more making me dance for Instagram likes.
20:39No more pictures or Halloween costumes.
20:41No more forced cuddles.
20:43I'm done being your affection slave.
20:46I'm my own person.
20:47But then...
20:48the sponge is...
20:49Why do you hunt the kitchen sponges?
20:52Because in here, I should be out there in the wild killing.
20:56Instead, I'm in here hunting inanimate objects.
20:59We all seek meaning in our lives.
21:01No matter how trivial it looks on the outside.
21:04I'm just doing what I can to get by.
21:18I love the existential acts of the cat.
21:22She had a head injury, so you don't know if she ever did hear the cat
21:27or if it was all just in her coma.
21:29Oh, of course.
21:30Why didn't I pick up on that duality of meaning?
21:34One year.
21:35Tell me about your character.
21:36You see that cat, yeah?
21:38Yeah.
21:38It looked a lot like the Norfolk Panther.
21:43So the emotion just overtook me.
21:45Fear, the danger, the panic, and...
21:47Yeah, I think I would have died in that situation.
21:49Fern, what is a play about?
21:51Just I love thinking about if my cat could talk.
21:55That's your understanding of it, all right?
21:56Yeah, and that came through.
21:58It came through, lads and proud.
22:01Let's see another play.
22:02OK, it's another cat play.
22:03This time it's Fern Brady's performance of Sarah Milliken's play.
22:14I'm sitting in a cafe and it's cold.
22:18All around me are cats, but it's not a cat cafe.
22:23They can't call it a cat cafe since the law changed and they need the cat's consent.
22:28Me cat died last year, but I don't miss it because it was an arsehole.
22:35It wasn't my cat.
22:37It was my nana's.
22:39But when she went into the home she made me taken, even though he was always a dick to me.
22:46I'm the only one left who visits her now and she mostly remembers me.
22:52She criticises my clothes and says I look tired.
22:56How way, man?
22:58I'll tell her about the cats here.
23:00She always likes to hear about them.
23:03Mavis on the chair.
23:05Charlie in the window.
23:06She brightens at all the names like she knows them too.
23:12I check my phone.
23:14Seven missed calls from the home.
23:18Oh, shit.
23:30I don't think I've got anything bad to say.
23:32I was absolutely enchanted by performance and narrative.
23:36It put me in mind of Alan Bennett.
23:38It was like an Alan Bennett play.
23:40Yeah, it was.
23:40I was really nervous because I hadn't met Sarah until we got here.
23:44So it was really horrible knowing that my bad impression of her was coming out.
23:49I liked it.
23:50I really liked it.
23:51It's a soulful, especially the highway man.
23:56Next up, it's Munya's play, The Power of Silence.
24:00And much to her annoyance, the actor performing it is Sarah Millican.
24:04Oh.
24:04Oh.
24:15Aplausos
24:48Aplausos
24:50Aplausos
24:50Aplausos
24:50Oh, man, yeah. It is rubbish.
24:54You've got to ask them, though, cos you might have experienced something. Did you see something?
24:58Well, firstly, no, because my glasses were on the outside of my ping-pong balls.
25:02I didn't see anything at all. I thought, to be honest, it was a sort of thing I'd avoid at
25:07the Edinburgh Fringe.
25:10But we decided to commit and to do it as best we could, so I hope you're pleased with what
25:14happened.
25:15Are you happy with how it went? I think, yeah. Sensational.
25:22Who's next? OK, well, strap yourself in for John Kearns. Oh, God.
25:31T-minus 60 seconds.
25:33Hello, Euston! Jake here, or should I say hello, honey?
25:41I guess we're doing this. Me going to Morris.
25:45You leading the ground, team. What a couple we make, you and me.
25:50T-minus 45 seconds.
25:52All right, all right. I know you're just doing your job. I get it. That's why you're the big boss
25:58and I'm just the flying guy.
26:01Strapped in for the ride. Bit like our marriage, huh?
26:06I know, I know, I shouldn't bring it up. But you know, we got through a lot.
26:11T-minus 30 seconds.
26:13I just think we should be proud of what we overcame. Not every couple.
26:17Get over the things that I did.
26:21OK, final checks. Engine. Go.
26:26Oh, thrusters. On. Navigation system.
26:38Uh, honey, the navigation system don't seem to be connected.
26:45T-minus 10 seconds.
26:47Well, honey, how am I supposed to land on Mars if I ain't got no navi...
26:52T-minus 5 seconds.
26:55Oh, my God! You destroyed the navigation system!
27:00I said I was sorry!
27:02I SAID I WAS SORRY!
27:14That is an epic story.
27:17As the author of the piece, I mean, I thought you did a wonderful job.
27:21I did a fantastic job of getting it across.
27:23I wouldn't have gone as Southern.
27:30I have to be honest.
27:31Yeah.
27:32I thought it was absolutely fantastic.
27:35It genuinely made me feel very bad about what I've written.
27:40LAUGHTER
27:42Finally, then, it's the old thesp himself.
27:45Dara O'Brien performing John Kearns' piece.
27:48Here we go.
28:04He's here.
28:07OK.
28:10OK.
28:18It's the old man.
28:22Alright.
28:27I'll watch him move the room.
28:28The old man.
28:33This line...
28:38Now, I've got a car.
28:38Go ahead, don't go ahead.
28:46Não, não.
28:51É tudo bem.
28:54Dê-me, é tudo bem.
29:10A CIDADE NO BRASIL
29:12A CIDADE NO BRASIL
29:23Well, I beg to differ.
29:25Beckett said, words are a stain on silences and nothingness.
29:31Yep.
29:33I wouldn't have just got a tattoo of that.
29:38Dara, that was exceptional.
29:39You reminded me of Brando in Apocalypse Now.
29:43I mean, all joking aside, Dara,
29:45I genuinely found myself drawn in by your performance.
29:49Initially, when I opened it, I said, oh shit, there's nothing here.
29:53That was my initial reaction to reading the script.
29:55And then I realised, the point is to inhabit the character.
30:00And create your own character within the eight words of dialogue.
30:06Well, you're going to have to double score this.
30:08Er, I'll do performance first.
30:10Right.
30:10I'm going to give Munya two points.
30:11Well done Munya, two points.
30:13Right.
30:13This is my most controversial thing, because I think you were hampered by your play.
30:17It wasn't a play.
30:20And I'm going to give you three points, because I think you cocked your head brilliantly
30:23and you walked out of the room in an excellent way.
30:25And Munya, well, to use an old showbiz term, he's fucked you over big time.
30:32Fern's performance was amazing.
30:34Thank you.
30:35And Dara's was amazing.
30:36What about John?
30:38But it was overall good.
30:38I'll give you four points.
30:39Mm-hm.
30:40These two, they were genuinely strong acting performances.
30:43I'm giving them five points each.
30:44OK, five to Dara, five to five.
30:46APPLAUSE
30:48Now, Munya's play.
30:49To the lab.
30:50You have one minute.
30:52Your time starts now.
30:54Right, there's a sausage.
30:55Yeah, I know a undercooked sausage when I see one.
30:58It's a vegetarian sausage.
31:01No.
31:04I'm going to do a toilet roll.
31:06I never go anywhere without a toilet roll.
31:07And then...
31:09Brush?
31:15Definitely not touching that.
31:17I am going to use an electric toothbrush and I am going to use a bin then.
31:22Brilliant.
31:24What is this?
31:25This is just a sheet, isn't it?
31:27Not just a sheet, it's a...
31:28Is it a valid fitted sheet?
31:29No, it's a queen-size sheet.
31:33Right, let's go to the lab.
31:35Wrong way.
31:36Wrong way!
31:43So I can paint with a big brush and if I show myself, I'm fine.
31:48Paint a self-portrait using your brush...
31:51Or sausage.
31:52..on your other chosen object.
31:54Massive fitted sheet.
31:56You must use the business end of your brush
31:59or sausage.
32:00What's the business end of a sausage?
32:03Good luck.
32:05And in your self-portrait, you must be wielding your brush or sausage.
32:09You're obsessed with sausages, bro.
32:11Best self-portrait wins.
32:13You have 15 minutes.
32:14Your time started when you entered the lab!
32:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
32:18Ha!
32:19Ha, ha!
32:19All right.
32:21This is dead good.
32:23So I'm using it like a paintbrush.
32:25There was no rule to say I had to use the whole business end.
32:31This isn't going to work well, is it?
32:37It's a nice little swell.
32:39Here's first.
32:40Wait, just wait.
32:41The end will blow your bloody mind.
32:44OK.
32:45The delica lines of the face and neck may be more difficult to do.
32:48Yeah, I've never seen someone just do the eyes and then the body.
32:52I can't see.
32:54Why can't you see?
32:54Because the brush is in the...
32:58Ooh!
33:02There's something I don't think would be an issue is when the sausage gets contaminated.
33:06If you want me to get you a cloth to clean your sausage, just say.
33:08I can have a cloth to clean my sausage?
33:11Yeah, I'd love that.
33:12What are my colour on my eyes? Brown. We do not have brown.
33:15Look at this.
33:18Doesn't look good at all.
33:21Balayage. That's balayage. Is it red?
33:23Oh, my God.
33:25Oh, like a khaki colour.
33:27I could get a job for the army.
33:29Doing their outfits.
33:31I've been on those other plebs fought to mix colours.
33:34Daryl doesn't seem artistic.
33:37Oh, I like the texture.
33:39Oh, no. No, I've ruined that now.
33:42You've got six minutes and 25 seconds on you.
33:44Roger that, eh, dog?
33:46Oh.
33:47What if the business end has fallen off?
33:51Is it a new business end, or do you have to use the original business end?
33:53I've not been in this situation before, to be honest.
33:55What if you want to show us on the inside?
33:57Let's venture inside my anatomy.
34:02Modern art.
34:04Yeah, I'd say I'm done now.
34:06Do you know what?
34:07You could give me another hour, I wouldn't make any other artistic decisions there.
34:10I think that is me.
34:13Bye! Thanks!
34:14Bye-bye.
34:15I'm going to have a bath now.
34:16I'm going to have a bath now.
34:18I'm going to have a bath now.
34:22Dara, talk us through the eyes first system.
34:25I thought I'd get the blue right.
34:26I wanted the blue of the eyes, too, because everything gets really muddy when you're painting
34:29with a toilet brush.
34:30It just gets really messy, so I thought I wanted the blue of the eyes to be very striking.
34:34I thought I'd do that pure.
34:35Lovely.
34:35So, in your piece, we're going to be drawn in by the eyes initially.
34:38I think they're the thing that's most going to strike you about my piece.
34:42This is Dara's self-portrait with the standard materials toilet brush on bed sheet.
34:48It's...
34:49Swim in those eyes.
34:52Those eyes are haunted.
34:56You could actually be wielding the item that you were using in the picture, and he is doing that.
34:59We can see this next to himself.
35:03You not only did yourself, you also did the mountains of Ireland in the background.
35:07I did.
35:08Oh, is that what they are?
35:09That's what they are.
35:10I'm actually obscuring many of the other mountains of Ireland.
35:13They're just behind my head.
35:15Does it remind you of Chris Whitty, or not?
35:23Well, compare it to this, and this is Fern doing a self-portrait using a sausage on a toilet seat.
35:33Whoa!
35:34Jesus!
35:35With a sausage.
35:38This is a weird episode in that there are things that are actually properly good at it.
35:44This is a first in Taskmaster history.
35:47The only thing I've been good at out of any of the tasks was any artistic ones.
35:51Fern is brilliant.
35:52It's a brilliant painting with a sausage.
35:55Yeah.
35:55Do you want to see it with her actual face?
35:56Oh, yeah, of course, yeah.
35:57Just as a comparison.
35:58She looks more realistic on the left.
36:02If you squint at Fern's picture, there's a tiny face trapped in the nose.
36:06LAUGHTER
36:08It's meant to be that way!
36:15You're right.
36:16And I'll judge the painting on that face.
36:19LAUGHTER
36:22Now, here's Sarah's self-portrait, done in the classic style, painted on a toilet roll with a broom.
36:28Oh!
36:32I genuinely remember this as going well!
36:38This is it, next to Sarah's face.
36:40I mean, it's got glasses on.
36:42And some red lips.
36:44I had a massive brush and toilet roll.
36:47I think it's all right.
36:49Shall we take a look at John's sausage on loo roll picture?
36:53Here it is.
36:54Oh!
36:55Pretty good.
36:57What does the green represent?
36:59Those are the Irish mountains.
37:01LAUGHTER
37:05Do you want to compare this to his actual face?
37:07Go on.
37:08It's good.
37:10The guy on the left does look like he's wearing those joke glasses and nose combination.
37:15It's a bit Mr Potato Head, isn't it?
37:17But I think the rosy cheeks represent how John's always laughing.
37:21But the eyes represent how deep down it's a great crushing sadness.
37:26LAUGHTER
37:28I really think it's excellent.
37:31Thank you.
37:31Who is next?
37:32Last one to see is, of course, Munya wielding a toothbrush on a wheelie bin.
37:37LAUGHTER
37:39Oh, wow.
37:41Why do you have long boobs?
37:43LAUGHTER
37:43I wanted to paint with a sausage, but I have a bit of a sausage phobia, because when I was
37:48at uni, I was so scared of going into my overdraft, I used to buy 30 sausages for 15p.
37:54LAUGHTER
37:54And as you can imagine, there weren't any sausage in them.
37:57Where did you buy 50 sausages for 15p?
37:59Calm down.
38:00Calm down.
38:00Calm down.
38:01Calm down.
38:02Calm down.
38:02Calm down.
38:03Can't we finish it?
38:05Do you want to see Munya next to Munya?
38:08It's just weird.
38:09It's just weird, Munya.
38:11There we go.
38:11Oh, identical.
38:14Identical!
38:19Let's get these done quickly.
38:21All right.
38:21Well, look, here are all five.
38:23Forgive me, Sarah.
38:25As much as I enjoy your haunted face coming through a brown roller brush, one point to Sarah Milliken.
38:32Right.
38:33Now, this is interesting.
38:35Look at Dara.
38:38It's Dara, isn't it?
38:39Well, I think so.
38:40There's never been less expression in anything.
38:45Two points to Dara.
38:47And what about that?
38:47Old bloated bin body.
38:51Three points.
38:52Three points to Munya, OK.
38:53Yes.
38:53I'm giving John Kearns four points.
38:55Four points to John.
38:56And the undeniably excellent sausage work of Fern Brady.
39:00Five points.
39:01Congratulations to Fern.
39:05Quick look at the scores.
39:07I can tell you she's not won an episode yet, but Fern is in the lead.
39:10With 20 points.
39:11Oh!
39:12He's kicking the run.
39:14Wow!
39:15He's kicking the run.
39:17OK, everyone.
39:18Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
39:29Who's going to lead the final task out today?
39:32Munya Chihuahua.
39:35Tie your towel as tightly as possible around your body.
39:39You have 30 seconds.
39:41Pretty straightforward.
39:43You have 30 seconds.
39:44Everyone ready?
39:46And they're off, Greg.
39:48Yeah.
39:51Different methods, as always.
39:54We've got neck.
39:55We've got ankles.
39:56We've got waists.
39:57There's a second part.
39:59That's right.
39:59Would have thought so.
40:07Off you go, Munya.
40:09OK.
40:12Place your hands on your heads.
40:14Oh, no.
40:14You have to as well.
40:15OK.
40:15All right.
40:18Place your hands on your heads and keep them there until the end of the task.
40:21Get your towel completely in your bucket.
40:25Fastest wins.
40:27Start on the whistle, please.
40:30Erm...
40:31Terrible decision I made.
40:33Good luck.
40:37It must be off your body.
40:38It must be off your body.
40:39Off your body.
40:40There's nothing I can do.
40:44We have one.
40:45That's it.
40:47Oh, no!
40:49There's nothing I can do.
40:52Go on, Sarah.
40:53It's not like I can do it.
40:54It's coming.
40:55It's coming.
40:56It's coming.
40:56Wow, wow.
40:58I feel like a horse.
41:00Yes, you look like a horse.
41:02It's getting looser.
41:03Oh!
41:05Don't let me.
41:06We've got number two.
41:07Number two is going in.
41:08Number two is going in.
41:09One, two, two.
41:14Oh, I'm so tired.
41:16Oh!
41:17Oh!
41:23I am genuinely worried about John.
41:25Oh!
41:26Yes, there is progress.
41:28There is progress.
41:29Oh!
41:30I'm so tired.
41:33Oh, my God.
41:34Do you want me?
41:34Completely in.
41:35Completely in.
41:36It's in.
41:38It's in.
41:39Oh!
41:40Oh!
41:41Tell me now, Sarah's going to be there for the rest of her life.
41:43I did the first part of the task really well.
41:47Time's up.
41:48Let's add all that up and have it to your final scores.
41:50Come and join me.
41:52APPLAUSE
41:57Well, well, well.
41:58Some of them tied it too tight in the end.
42:00Yes.
42:01Mmm.
42:01But that means they did the first part of the task very well.
42:03Very well.
42:04Too well for John and Sarah, who came in joint fourth.
42:07Fern valiantly in third place.
42:10Munya in second place.
42:11But Dara Brin gets the five points.
42:12He won the task.
42:13Well done, Dara.
42:17Which means Dara on 22.
42:20Fern also on 22 and one.
42:22It's 23!
42:23She's won the episode!
42:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:27Fern wins!
42:28The underestimated items are all yours to reevaluate!
42:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:36So, what have we learnt today?
42:39We've learnt that if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
42:42And to prove that point,
42:44I'd like to end the show with another success story.
42:46I've been working with him in the break.
42:48And now, to finish the show, it's over to John.
42:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:04Hey, it's the final.
43:06How did that happen?
43:07But for now, please applaud tonight's winner one more time.
43:11It's Fern Brady!
43:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:34APPLAUSE
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