- há 14 horas
Categoria
😹
DivertimentoTranscrição
00:02O que?
00:35A CIDADE NO BRASIL
01:00So that wields power over trophy-hungry comedians.
01:02They are my Fantastic Five,
01:04and they are ready to save the world by being rubbish at tasks.
01:08So please welcome...
01:22And next to me is someone who I can be a little bit cruel to,
01:26but at the end of the day, I'm proud to call my best friend.
01:32It's Trunky the Naughty Elephant!
01:35Love you, Trunky!
01:37And next to him, a wretched, hairy weasel!
01:40Little Alex Hall!
01:44What are we going to chat about this week?
01:49Well, I've got a really funny story.
01:52Want to hear it?
01:53Yeah.
01:54Well, yesterday, I got a piggyback.
01:56Yep.
01:57Cos I'd lent my piggy to my uncle, and then...
02:01And then he gave it back to me.
02:03Gave you the piggyback to me.
02:04So I got my piggyback.
02:07Funny story.
02:10Prize task, then.
02:11What's the category?
02:12I'll tell you, Alex.
02:13It's the best thing you nearly keep throwing away,
02:15but can't quite bring yourself to.
02:17I'll give five points for the best one,
02:19and the winner of the episode will get to take them all home
02:22and keep them all forever.
02:24And that is how replaceable you are.
02:28Munya!
02:29I have bought in my first ever houseplant.
02:33Ooh, that bodes badly.
02:35Go on.
02:36So, as we know, a houseplant is a good metric
02:39of how much of an adult you are.
02:41You know, if you can keep a plant, you can keep a puppy.
02:44If you keep a puppy, you can keep a child.
02:45You know, it's like the Royal Marines advert.
02:47So...
02:49I said to myself,
02:51if I can keep this alive, I'm going to be a better man.
02:53So I spent 40 quid.
02:55I named him Young Pablo.
02:57He died after a week.
03:00I realised that, kind of like your nan,
03:03if you move it about every once in a while,
03:05give it a bit of water, it won't completely die.
03:07So...
03:09What I have managed to do
03:10is keep Young Pablo alive for five years,
03:14but on the brink of death.
03:16Would you like to see Young Pablo now?
03:18Someone is going to win this.
03:25Not a bad prize on a quiz.
03:28But it bodes well for your future children.
03:33Tara, can you beat a plant that's barely alive?
03:36Yeah, I can give you a thing that should be alive,
03:38but is now dead.
03:39Er, and it's a section of my leg.
03:46They're impressed, what do you mean?
03:48Er, part of my leg broke off, er, during a football match,
03:52and had to be removed, and then they give it to you.
03:56Part of your leg just snapped off?
03:58It broke off, and then, because I'm nailed,
04:01er, I pushed it back in again and carried on playing.
04:05It's like my balls go up inside myself.
04:07Oh, do you want me to...?
04:08No, no, no.
04:12Let's have a look at a bit of Dara's bone.
04:16Yeah. There you go.
04:18Strong, Dara.
04:20By the way, I've kept my tonsils.
04:21People do.
04:22Yeah?
04:22Yeah, there's still a limp in my...
04:24LAUGHTER
04:28Erm, Fern.
04:30Er, I want my house to look like something
04:33out of Architectural Digest,
04:34and my boyfriend wants it to look like something
04:36out of Steptoed Son.
04:37So it's this dirty, disgusting tanker,
04:42and he uses it to keep toothbrushes inside.
04:46I have tried to sort of sneakily throw it out before.
04:49So if you do badly, I'm doing you a favour.
04:53Yeah, what happens if I do badly?
04:55Do you take it away from me?
04:56It means if you do badly,
04:57someone else gets to win it and keep it now.
05:00Yes, let's do that.
05:03John!
05:04I bought in, er, Ulysses by James Joyce.
05:08I've had that for about 20 years.
05:10Never read it.
05:12Do you think tonally you've got this wrong?
05:15LAUGHTER
05:16No, because it's the best piece of literature ever written,
05:20so it's one of the best things I've ever, er, seen.
05:23Yeah.
05:23But I have ambition, er, to read it, so, er,
05:27I'll never throw it out.
05:30LAUGHTER
05:30I think I'm surprised,
05:32cos I'm expecting this to be a twist.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:34Well, there might be.
05:36I haven't read it.
05:36I don't know.
05:39LAUGHTER
05:44Can you definitely beat John's book?
05:46I don't know. That's up to you to decide.
05:49I already have.
05:50LAUGHTER
05:52It's my husband's zombie.
05:54Here it is.
05:56LAUGHTER
05:57It's, er, six foot tall.
06:01And...
06:01And...
06:02..frightens the shit out of me...
06:05..twice a week, maybe?
06:07LAUGHTER
06:08It's awful!
06:09LAUGHTER
06:09Please take it away.
06:11Maybe you could clear a little room
06:12and let that be his special room.
06:13It is in his special room.
06:15Oh.
06:16Erm, it's called the zombie room.
06:19LAUGHTER
06:20So it's hard to throw her away when she's in her own room.
06:24LAUGHTER
06:25Well, Greg, it's quite a hall of prizes tonight for someone.
06:28Do you want me to go from John upwards or the other way?
06:32LAUGHTER
06:33Second book in a row, second one point in a row.
06:35Hello, John.
06:35Yeah, yeah.
06:36LAUGHTER
06:38I feel pretty much the same about a mug and a zombie.
06:41Three points each.
06:42OK, three points each to Fern and Sarah.
06:45That's right.
06:45And then I jump up.
06:46Unbelievably, I'm putting a half-dead plant in second place,
06:50just cos I liked all the flannel that went with it.
06:53And if anyone brings part of their body that just fell off them in,
06:56I mean, for sympathy more than anything, they get five points.
06:59Five points to Dora Breen!
07:00There it is!
07:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:04Right, what's lined up for the first task, Alex?
07:07Well, Greg, it's only the king of all stationary items.
07:10Shall we say it together?
07:12Yes.
07:12One, two, three...
07:14A laminator!
07:31Can you see me?
07:33Yeah, there you are.
07:33I feel like we should do, like, an action movie intro.
07:35What do you think?
07:36Yes, please.
07:46What did I miss?
07:48Hello, Monja.
07:50Say something like, you know, I'm glad you're here or something.
07:53Oh, I'm glad you're here.
07:57Oh!
07:59Print, laminate and distribute the most signs.
08:03Each of your signs must be placed on a different seat.
08:06And all your signs must have a different instruction.
08:09You have 20 minutes.
08:10And your time's for us now.
08:11How long does it take the laminator sign,
08:13or what size does the sign have to be?
08:14Is there a standard size for laminated signs?
08:16I used to work in my dad's office,
08:18and he docked some of my wages
08:20because he had a laminating machine,
08:22and I laminated love letters to my ex-boyfriend.
08:26Good times.
08:30APPLAUSE
08:33Fern, it feels like I probably shouldn't ask,
08:35but why were you laminating letters to your ex-boyfriend?
08:38They were love letters,
08:39and by laminating it,
08:41I felt like it showed that I really meant what I was saying.
08:46Yeah? I mean, I agree.
08:48My family motto is print, laminate, distribute.
08:50LAUGHTER
08:53OK, let's go. Let's see.
08:55OK, well, first up, it's Fern, John and Dara.
08:58So, we start off with a simple one.
09:01Don't sit down.
09:02Turn your phone to silent.
09:04I mean, anything's an instruction, isn't it?
09:07It's just blank to the document.
09:09Now the document's got a tiny font.
09:12This is... What?
09:15It's quite nice to look at fonts now and then.
09:18Yeah.
09:18What font have you gone for?
09:20I've always liked Georgia.
09:22Where's print, erm...
09:24There's a picture of a printer somewhere.
09:26Is that all these in there?
09:27So, you're looking for a picture of a printer?
09:29I look for a picture of a printer.
09:30It changes the diary in vice.
09:32Where's print?
09:35I haven't seen some of these fonts since I was about ten.
09:40Joker Man.
09:41Look at this.
09:42What's that thing middle-aged women have on signs?
09:45Live.
09:46Sort of...
09:46Laugh.
09:48Jen.
09:50That's the size of the sign I just made.
09:53I can't actually really.
09:54What did you say?
09:55It says...
09:55You have...
09:56Instructions are quite clear.
09:57The instructions are on the sign.
10:05First sign.
10:05Right.
10:06First sign.
10:06There's a sign.
10:07It's not laminated!
10:09Right.
10:10Wingdings.
10:15I feel so productive even though this is very silly.
10:20Do these things separate?
10:21They separate!
10:23The faculty is now open.
10:27Do you know what that says?
10:29Bums only.
10:31I can't remember what the other two meant.
10:36I don't remember typing leave your husband so I've written some of these in a fugue state.
10:50Thank you Dara.
10:53Hold up.
10:54There's two that say warm your bum.
10:57That says warm your bum.
11:00How have I done that three times?
11:08Hello, Fern.
11:09Hello.
11:10That's for you as well.
11:13A little something extra?
11:15Obey all your signs.
11:17Highest percentage of signs obeyed wins.
11:20You have three minutes.
11:21Your time starts now.
11:23Good luck.
11:24Well, I can't!
11:25OK.
11:27Watch out for burglars.
11:29Burglars?
11:30How about your kidnappers?
11:33Well, that's your seat.
11:34So could you sit there?
11:36The Joker man's seat.
11:38So we'll wait for him to turn up.
11:41Eat 25 grams fiber a day starting from now.
11:45Where's my sandwich for lunch?
11:48Come on, check the air.
11:49Oh, tigers!
11:50Big one below!
11:52Yeah, I mean, I've walked straight into this now, haven't I?
11:54Because I don't remember what that says.
11:58Breathe.
11:59Warm your bum.
12:01Warm your bum!
12:02Get your arse off.
12:03This is not on this.
12:04Here can you please run away!
12:07Leave your husband.
12:08Oh, I'm not married.
12:09Run.
12:11Warm your bum.
12:14I'm typing in the word bum, because I remember writing.
12:19Right, you've got 38 seconds.
12:22That ain't, that is not...
12:24It change, it change.
12:26I'm pretty sure it changes.
12:28So I've done them all.
12:30You finished?
12:30The old told me things not to do is to watch out for stuff.
12:32Come on, check the air.
12:34I definitely wrote home.
12:36Right, that's bollocks.
12:38That, apparently, is home in wingdings.
12:40You've got one minute there.
12:41I can't do this instruction.
12:43What does it say?
12:43Who in your pants?
12:47What's the problem?
12:48Whoa.
12:49This, it'll come out, won't it?
12:51What's the word?
12:52Would it bifurcate into two separate boos?
12:57You've got five seconds, John.
12:58Yep.
13:07Done.
13:12John, I put it to you, you're not in this for the win.
13:20I think wingdings changes every time you use it.
13:24I don't think that can be true.
13:26That's true.
13:27That's the Enigma machine.
13:34Joker man's seat, is that an instruction?
13:36Er...
13:38The task didn't say the signs had to be instructions.
13:41No, it's exactly what it said, yeah.
13:44It was quite an arse theme within your response, Fern.
13:49You warmed your bum three times, successfully,
13:52and then you said a word that I wasn't aware of.
13:54Mmm.
13:55Bifurcation.
13:56Yes.
13:57Did you know about bifurcation?
13:58I did know about bifurcation.
13:59Did you?
14:00Yeah, yeah.
14:00You went to Cambridge.
14:02I went to a college, so...
14:05Er, Dara.
14:07Yes.
14:07What I wrote down is Dara's reaction to seeing high-value kidnappers
14:12tigers, the Gruffalo, is identical.
14:19Dara looked like he did a lot, but it's percentage, isn't it?
14:21It's percentage.
14:22Dara did all 100% of his.
14:24He did 25 out of 25.
14:26Fern managed to do 75% of her instructions.
14:29John, sort of half.
14:31I couldn't read half of them, man!
14:34There are two people left.
14:36One is a human called Sarah, the other is a chihuahua called Munya.
14:38Here we go.
14:40All right, so this should be fairly easy.
14:42This technology is just, like, breathing to me.
14:45Print.
14:46Ooh!
14:47They're up!
14:48Ooh, I like the smell!
14:50Go on, then.
14:51You know this question thing?
14:53Yeah, well, who out of both of us is likely to know more about technology?
14:57It's not doing much, is it?
14:59Oh, right, I need to put some of this on it.
15:03All right.
15:04This is stressful.
15:05Why is it sweating?
15:07Get that back out.
15:14Thank God for that.
15:15So this is your very first elimination, is it?
15:17It is!
15:20I mean, it might...
15:22Is it the best day of my life?
15:23There's got to be some sort of fast setting on this.
15:26Why would they have a fast setting?
15:28Well, because in case you're in a rush.
15:31There you go.
15:31Do you think the other guys would have already laminated?
15:34Can you imagine Munya laminating?
15:36No.
15:37Where did you get this thing from, man?
15:38Look at what it's done to my sign.
15:40I think you might have broken it when you pulled the thing through.
15:42Wow!
15:42How long have I got left?
15:44You've got 30 seconds.
15:45Come on!
15:46Faster, faster, faster!
15:48Oh, my Lord!
15:49Look at that!
15:51WHISTLE BLOWS
15:54WHISTLE BLOWS
15:56WHISTLE BLOWS
15:56WHISTLE BLOWS
16:03WHISTLE BLOWS
16:06Oh, no.
16:07What's...
16:07Is there more?
16:11Obey all of your sons!
16:14All right.
16:16Alex stinks.
16:17Agree.
16:18I agree, Alex stinks.
16:19Number one.
16:20Go!
16:22Walk out of the door.
16:24There's a doorway.
16:26Live.
16:28Doing it.
16:29Laugh.
16:31Feeling.
16:32I mean, come on.
16:34Oh, there's a door!
16:36Walk out the door.
16:38Turn around.
16:40Oh, I feel dizzy.
16:41Be healthy, my bro.
16:43One.
16:44Two.
16:45Leave.
16:46Sod off.
16:47This is go away.
16:48This is bugger off.
16:50WHISTLE BLOWS
16:50Well, I did everything.
16:52100%, you think?
16:53Yeah.
16:53Doing that.
16:55Don't do that.
16:56Blech.
16:58Take your pants off.
16:59No way.
17:00Imagine that on the telly.
17:01Done.
17:28Thank you.
17:34So what you did, Sarah, was an extended mega mix of I Will Survive, the song.
17:38Started off that way.
17:39Yeah.
17:39Just because I was trying to think of quick instructions.
17:42Yeah.
17:42But it's nice, because Gloria Gaynor should have been more aggressive.
17:44She should have said, go on, bugger off.
17:47No way.
17:48Sarah did a healthy number of instructions, 14, and obeyed 91% of them, because she did not
17:53take her pants off.
17:54She did not take her pants off.
17:55No, didn't have any on.
17:56So, you know.
17:56No way.
17:58LAUGHTER
17:59Whereas Munya managed to laminate nine signs.
18:02He then obeyed all nine.
18:05WHISTLE BLOWS
18:06There's two sets of scores.
18:07One for the amount of signs and one for the percentage obeyed.
18:10In the first half, John gets one point for his measly seven signs.
18:13Two to Munya, three for Sarah, four for Fern, five for Dara.
18:16And then, in terms of percentage obeyed, again, John, only one point.
18:20LAUGHTER
18:21Two for Fern, three for Sarah, but Munya and Dara both get five points,
18:25because they both obeyed 100% of their signs.
18:27So, that's how the scoring works!
18:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:33Shall we have a look at the scoreboard?
18:34Yes.
18:35Well, unbelievably, John is at the bottom of the scoreboard with just three points.
18:38The leader has five times as many as him.
18:41That's Dara with 15 points!
18:42Whoa!
18:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:46I'd like another task, please.
18:48Yes, of course.
18:49And it's time to get your diving gear on
18:51and then go delving for Grapes.
19:07This is a lovely location.
19:09Are you left-handed or right-handed, John?
19:12LAUGHTER
19:14Right-handed.
19:17Put your hand right in there, please.
19:18Yeah.
19:20Perfect.
19:20There we go.
19:21Well, it's all yours. Good luck.
19:22Oh, no!
19:24And now I'll open the task?
19:26Yes, please.
19:27Yeah.
19:35There we go.
19:39I'm meant to read it with these, John.
19:40Yeah, I can give you a hand if you want.
19:41Yeah, that would be fab.
19:43Nice.
19:44Fantastic.
19:44Just lay that down for me.
19:46Would you just do that last bit now?
19:47Oh, sure, yeah.
19:48It's quite easy.
19:48Just pop it open.
19:50Can I take them off?
19:51Before the task, yeah, if you want.
19:52Yeah!
19:53Yeah, yeah!
19:56Put five grapes in the little bowl.
20:00You've got five minutes.
20:01You must wear the flippers as gloves for the entire five minutes.
20:04The most flour still on the plate after five minutes wins.
20:07It all ends.
20:08Your time starts now.
20:12APPLAUSE
20:14Come on, let's pack up.
20:15Yeah, it's an old sort of grandmother's game.
20:17We used to play this with my gran, but instead of flour, she used butter
20:20instead of grapes, wasps, and instead of flippers, we had to use our eyelids.
20:23And we're going to start with some good old-fashioned S&M.
20:26It's Sarah and Monja.
20:27Here we go.
20:29Put them around.
20:30Put them into the table.
20:31Aha!
20:33Because the thing is, you want me to dig into the flour,
20:35I can see there's a little grape holder underneath.
20:37It's a messy one, though. Yay!
20:40Mmm!
20:41Oh, there's no grapes in there.
20:43Crap.
20:43No grapes in the grape holder?
20:47What happens if they're dropping the grapes on the floor? Nothing.
20:50All the information's on the task.
20:51It's covered in flour now, look.
20:53OK, right, right, right.
20:53I'm just going to get all the flour off.
20:55Different tactic.
20:57I can't tell if this is the worst idea you've ever seen,
20:59or if I'm actually a genius.
21:02Right now, one grape.
21:06This is how I cook.
21:08It's like that.
21:10One grape.
21:11Two.
21:12Boom.
21:13Quick, quick, quick, quick.
21:14Two grapes.
21:15Thanks.
21:16Three grapes.
21:18Do you know what I've just realised?
21:19It's the most flour wind, isn't it?
21:22There's another little buggy.
21:24There he is.
21:25Hello.
21:25Hello.
21:27Five grapes.
21:28Right, so now all I need to do is get all the flour back on the plate.
21:30Where is the plate?
21:32Here.
21:33Do you have to do anything else?
21:35I'm going to pour the table over it.
21:37Great.
21:39Steady, steady.
21:42Ah!
21:44Er...
21:44Flour.
21:4745 seconds.
21:49Yes!
21:51Morse, flour, left.
21:52Oh!
21:56Yes!
21:59Should have read that.
22:00Should have covered it in flour.
22:01Thanks, Alex.
22:02Pleasure.
22:03Five nice grapes.
22:04You can leave whenever you like.
22:06You can leave the garage now.
22:07All right.
22:09Oh, so a push?
22:11Yeah!
22:12Ow!
22:13Oh, look at all these grapes.
22:15Oh!
22:18Oh, damn it!
22:21Fuck that one up.
22:24Five!
22:25That didn't even clean up at all!
22:28I didn't mean that.
22:29Yeah, so it was get five grapes in the bowl,
22:32but it's measuring the amount of flour that's still on the plate afterwards,
22:35and Munya had 2,514 grams.
22:38Sarah, just 900 grams of flour.
22:40Who's next?
22:41Next up, it's fern time and it's kern time.
22:44Are they heading in the ceiling?
22:47Is there grapes behind me or something?
22:52Just got to go like that, then you...
22:56Pan for grapes.
22:59I mean, they're not like...
23:02They could be...
23:04Yeah.
23:05All right.
23:05They could have been under there.
23:07Well, hang on.
23:09Just go.
23:23One grape.
23:24Oh, ho, ho, ho!
23:26Huge regrets.
23:30One grape.
23:31Yes.
23:32This is like doing surgery, isn't it?
23:35A lot of surgeons are alcoholics, so it probably feels like they have big hands on an especially pissed day.
23:44Two grapes.
23:45Mm-hmm.
23:45They're doing it on an old person because they're very dry and desiccated, so their bodies are just like flour.
23:52All right.
23:54All right.
23:55All right.
23:56All right.
23:57All right.
24:02We've got one minute 45 left.
24:04Come on, we've got to save this old person.
24:16Não!
24:18Não!
24:19Você está meando bem?
24:22Não!
24:22Eu posso colocar a flor de água na plate, não?
24:24Ok.
24:25É a ideia.
24:2610 segundos.
24:27Não!
24:31Ficou.
24:32Ficou.
24:32Ficou.
24:33Ficou.
24:33Ficou.
24:35Ficou.
24:36Ficou!
24:39Ficou.
24:40Ficou.
24:43Ficou.
24:44Ficou.
24:44Ficou.
24:48Ficou.
24:52Ficou.
24:53Ficou.
24:57Ficou.
24:58Some interesting
24:58statistics about the medical community fair..lloo!
25:01Ficou
25:01alright?
25:02Yes!
25:03Sometimes if a task felt boring,
25:06I had to pretend I was helping a person or an animal to get through it.
25:10This one, it made sense to pretend I was operating on an old person.
25:14And to be fully emotionally engaged with their deaths as well.
25:17Their poor desiccated skin falling away.
25:21John, I hate to repeat the questions I ask you,
25:24but are you not wanting to win any of this?
25:27LAUGHTER
25:29I just...
25:31LAUGHTER
25:33Yeah, but what...
25:35Yeah, what that picture doesn't show is that I've got flippers for fucking hands.
25:40LAUGHTER
25:42He did pretty well.
25:44He got nearly two kilograms of flour on the plate at the end.
25:47Twice as much as Sarah.
25:48Oh, I do apologise, John.
25:51One person left to see.
25:52And...
25:53It's Dara O'Breen.
25:58If there's some sense of where they were, that would be a help.
26:01Is there any way in which I can do this in a way which is salvageable?
26:05Erm...
26:06Oh, no!
26:08Oh, it's on a cup!
26:10Oh, that's not nice.
26:12OK, hang on, let me just do this, right?
26:17What?
26:21Someone within this there's still grapes. Are there grapes? Would somebody lie about the grapes?
26:27Oh, that would be the worst thing in the world.
26:32LAUGHTER
26:36Oh...
26:37Put five grapes in a little bowl, you have five minutes.
26:40Can I go to the kitchen, please?
26:41OK.
26:45Ah, that's also me!
26:49Oh, yes, sorry!
27:03Grapes, grapes, grapes, grapes, grapes.
27:06Grapes, grapes, grapes.
27:08Grapes!
27:09.
27:1430 segundos.
27:15.
27:15.
27:15.
27:15.
27:16.
27:16.
27:16.
27:16.
27:16.
27:16.
27:16.
27:2110 seconds.
27:24.
27:26.
27:27.
27:34I went on such a journey.
27:37He was trying to work out.
27:39And then from the arrogant flick of the egg
27:42Ele se tornou a vermelha aqui.
27:43Ele se tornou a super-villain.
27:46Ele realmente foi...
27:48...at um ponto, porque ele se tornou.
27:51Brilhante!
27:51Não sei como ele não percebeu o que os grapes que foram tão longe...
27:55Ele estava tão tão difícil...
27:57...fando no sky.
28:01Scoring-wise, Fern não conseguiu 5 grapes,
28:04então ela conseguiu.
28:06Oh...
28:06Ela foi tão tira...
28:07Eu acho que ela foi por 5 minutos.
28:10Oh...
28:13Is that all I did?
28:15Oh, não!
28:16Se não forfill a task, você não pode ter mais points.
28:18Ok, então zero to Fern.
28:20Sarah came 4th, então ela tem 2 points.
28:23John é 3rd, então ela tem 3 points.
28:25Eu posso te dizer que Munya, 2,514 g.
28:28Dara, 2,903 g.
28:31Então Dara tem 5 points!
28:33Isso é isso.
28:36Um, mais, eu acho.
28:38Um, mais, eu acho.
28:38E isso é algo que você tem que ter broken a lot, Greg,
28:41RUNNING MACHINES.
28:43Vamos lá.
28:45Não, vamos lá.
28:47out.
29:05Oi, Fern.
29:07Gotoorem.
29:08Ya...
29:09You look nice.
29:10Oh, thanks.
29:16TILL
29:17. . .
29:17. . .
29:23Wah!
29:28You hit me.
29:29Are you all right, Tim?
29:32Sorry, the ducks and socks.
29:35Ducks go in the front bucket, obviously.
29:38Socks go in the back bucket.
29:40Ducks, socks, ducks, socks.
29:42All ducs and socks must travel along both treadmills
29:45then fall directly into the correct bucket.
29:48If a duck or sock lands on the floor, you may not retrieve it.
29:52I'm not sure I could get down with these on.
29:55Most ducs and socks and correct bucket wins.
29:59There is a pair of bonus points.
30:01Oh, a proper point for the most correctly paired socks.
30:05You have 15 minutes.
30:06Your time starts now.
30:08Duck socks.
30:13It's a bog-standard game of double bucket, duck and sock.
30:17Yes, it is.
30:18I propose that we just get going.
30:19Well, first we're going to see the self-proclaimed taskmistress,
30:22Fern Brady, and the self-proclaimed John Kearns.
30:24John Kearns, here we go.
30:30Where are the ducs and socks?
30:32Not far off.
30:34Right.
30:35So we've got to run round.
30:36Well, I think so, yeah.
30:40Well...
30:41Well, there's a duck.
30:44Does this count?
30:45Yeah, I guess so.
30:48One.
30:50And...
30:54You...
30:55Wow!
30:58Ducs and the front.
31:03Shit!
31:07Ah, yes, that's a pair.
31:13Well, what dropped then?
31:14Did you hear that?
31:15Yeah.
31:16Well, what dropped?
31:19What the fuck's in that?
31:28You...
31:28They're not hidden.
31:31But they are, though.
31:32Well...
31:33Are they in the bath?
31:36Oh, no!
31:38There's a duck in the sock!
31:40Oh, small Z!
31:43You can't buy them that small.
31:45Right.
31:47Come on!
31:52Yeah.
31:52Yeah, yeah.
31:53Yeah, yeah.
31:57I'm not bad at this.
31:59That's the thing.
32:01Oh, hang on.
32:03Can I slow it down?
32:06Here we go!
32:08Three and a half minutes left, John.
32:09Oh!
32:10They all died.
32:17Would you like to see me get a sock and a duck one, too?
32:21I would love that.
32:21Go on.
32:22Crack on with it.
32:26You absolute wanker!
32:29Oh, well.
32:33Oh!
32:34Oh!
32:35Oh, no!
32:35Really?
32:44There's only socks in that one.
32:46Yes.
32:47And there's only socks in that one.
32:48There's a duck in that one.
32:49There's got to be.
32:51Oh, one duck.
32:52One duck.
32:58I wrote some quotes down that you said during your attempt.
33:01What the fuck is that?
33:03Did you hear that?
33:04Well, what dropped?
33:05You can't even buy them that small.
33:07You mean you can't buy them that small?
33:10I bought my son one, uh, a month ago.
33:13But did you try and get a really small one?
33:18Did you do extensive research into the smallest duck you can buy?
33:23There is only one size of duck.
33:26I don't know what the fuck they were.
33:29I'd have looked mad if I'd gone up to the pharmacist and gone,
33:32Sorry, do you have...
33:33Pharmacist?
33:35Yeah, he'd go, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris.
33:37Yeah, yeah.
33:37Where do you buy your ducks?
33:39In the pharmacy.
33:40Why do you buy ducks in the pharmacy?
33:42Well, where else do you buy them?
33:45At least John found the ducks very quickly,
33:48whereas Fern thought we'd hidden the ducks and the socks,
33:50and she put a crown on and said she was the mother of the ducks.
33:53Yeah.
33:54I did create a narrative
33:56where I was the mother of the ducks,
33:59saving them.
33:59And some of them died.
34:01Some of them died, yes.
34:04But most of them were rescued.
34:06Yeah, she did rescue 44 ducks in her duck bucket.
34:08OK.
34:09And 13 socks.
34:10So she had a total of 57 things in her bucket.
34:13Wow.
34:14John, nine socks, one duck, no pairs.
34:16LAUGHTER
34:18OK, two more duck and sock sorters now.
34:21It's Munya and Sarah.
34:23Are they all in here?
34:26Right.
34:27We'll start with the ducks.
34:28Ha!
34:32Oh, no, you've put them in five!
34:34They're ducks in five, the socks!
34:36Oh, this is going to take ages!
34:47You caught them!
34:48Right, we're going to move on to socks now.
34:51Great.
34:51Hang on.
34:52I can't see my pockets because of my tits.
34:54Sorry.
34:55You can't see your pockets.
34:57I can't see my pockets.
34:58Because, yeah.
35:02What the hell?
35:04I didn't get any in.
35:06If they fall on the floor, then you're not allowed to pick them up.
35:10Correct.
35:11Oh, well.
35:13One at a time is better.
35:18Quick!
35:19How many did I get?
35:21One.
35:22Well, the joke's on you because I get to go again.
35:26How long have I got left, please?
35:27You haven't got long.
35:28Two and a half minutes.
35:29I didn't ask for an opinion.
35:30I just asked for a time.
35:31So no more opinions.
35:33LAUGHTER
35:35This is how I used to make footballs in Zimbabwe.
35:38LAUGHTER
35:40How long?
35:41How long?
35:42Seven.
35:42Six.
35:44Five.
35:45Four.
35:46Three.
35:47Oh!
35:53Did I do it?
36:01I mean, if I'm honest, I don't know what I thought, because all I can hear is I can't see
36:05my pockets because of my tits.
36:07It happens more often than you'd think.
36:09Well, I've got a similar problem.
36:11LAUGHTER
36:12The Zimbabwe sock football was a colossal failure.
36:16Well, it did lead to a disaster of many ducks falling out as he fell in.
36:19So, I should have been good at that task, because when I was a kid, I used to practice balancing
36:23in the bath by covering it in Vaseline.
36:26So...
36:26Hang on, hang on, hang on.
36:28Whoa, whoa, whoa.
36:29So, you cover the bath in Vaseline and then you see how long you can stand up for.
36:33It's a game.
36:35So, what, you never played games in the bath?
36:37Yeah, I played games.
36:38Like what kind?
36:40I don't know.
36:42LAUGHTER
36:43That's not a game, what you're thinking.
36:44It's not a game.
36:45See if you can use elastic bands to make it look like a submarine.
36:49LAUGHTER
36:50LAUGHTER
36:52Can you?
36:53Ah!
36:54There's still one person left to see, so here we go.
36:56It's the host of Sock the Beak.
36:59It's Dara O'Breen.
37:00Thank you, everyone.
37:09Whoa!
37:09Now, all to the key is to pair up the socks before you send them down.
37:13Oh, this is not the fun bit.
37:16Oh, I want the fun bit.
37:19Ooh, here we go, here we go.
37:25Can I wait for the bag of ducks down?
37:28Bag for ducks?
37:30Can I get a bag, please?
37:34There's an element of gamble to this.
37:37If this goes wrong, this is calamitous.
37:43Oh, I'm naked!
37:45Give me a plastic bag.
37:46Wow, are they all pair?
37:47They're all pair.
37:48This is a big moment.
37:50I don't know why I do this.
37:56MUSIC PLAYS
37:57MUSIC CONTINUES
37:59MUSIC CONTINUES
38:00MUSIC CONTINUES
38:00MUSIC CONTINUES
38:01MUSIC CONTINUES
38:04MUSIC CONTINUES
38:10MUSIC CONTINUES
38:11MUSIC CONTINUES
38:11MUSIC CONTINUES
38:12MUSIC CONTINUES
38:13MUSIC CONTINUES
38:13MUSIC CONTINUES
38:14MUSIC CONTINUES
38:14MUSIC CONTINUES
38:16MUSIC CONTINUES
38:16MUSIC CONTINUES
38:18MUSIC CONTINUES
38:19MUSIC CONTINUES
38:20MUSIC CONTINUES
38:21MUSIC CONTINUES
38:21MUSIC CONTINUES
38:22MUSIC CONTINUES
38:23MUSIC CONTINUES
38:23MUSIC CONTINUES
38:23MUSIC CONTINUES
38:26MUSIC CONTINUES
38:26MUSIC CONTINUES
38:27MUSIC CONTINUES
38:27MUSIC CONTINUES
38:28MUSIC CONTINUES
38:34MUSIC CONTINUES
38:36Ele tem 37 soques comparado a Dara de 28, mas os ducs falaram.
38:39Então ele só acabou com 29 soques comparado a Dara de 63 soques.
38:44O que mais, Dara era o único que pared mais de 2 soques.
38:46Ele pared a total de 28 soques, 14 pares.
38:49Então ele ganha 2 pontos também.
38:50Então é 7 pontos em total para Dara Breen.
38:55Ok, então vamos para vocês todos para o final do show.
39:04O que é isso?
39:09O que é isso?
39:10Alex, quem vai ler a task out?
39:12Sarah Millican vai ler a task out.
39:14Commence.
39:15Make a taskmaster say your words.
39:17Each team will ask one question at a time
39:19and each question must be made up of exactly six words.
39:23Also, each team member must take it in turns
39:26to say two words of each question.
39:28First, to make the taskmaster say your word wins.
39:31Dara, which of these would you like to be your first word?
39:34This one? Take that one, please.
39:35Thank you.
39:36You can show it to your team and you can show it to the audience.
39:38So that one is for this team.
39:40Sarah, you're going to go first.
39:41Thank you.
39:42You cannot talk tactics with your teammate at all,
39:44but it is a team task.
39:45OK, so we're going to start with a team of three.
39:48Dara will commence the question.
39:49Here we go, good luck.
39:52What wriggles...
39:54N...
39:56Gregs...
39:59John, to complete the question.
40:03Muddy garden.
40:05What wriggles in Greg's muddy garden?
40:07Worm.
40:09APPLAUSE
40:10Very good.
40:12So, to stop this team winning round one,
40:14you need to get it in one.
40:16Good luck.
40:16What breakfast...
40:21...is long...
40:24...and meaty?
40:26LAUGHTER
40:34Sausage.
40:35APPLAUSE
40:40OK, so round one is a tie.
40:42We move to round two.
40:43We're going to go slightly harder words.
40:44There we go.
40:45So this time, let's start with a team of two.
40:47Munya, you're going to kick off the question.
40:50Can you...?
40:54No, no, no more words.
40:57Lesson erection.
40:58LAUGHTER
40:59Please finish off the question, Munya.
41:05Until it's...
41:06Right, well, that's the end of the question.
41:08Greg, the question is, can you lessen erection until it's...
41:12Soft.
41:13Not right.
41:14Your turn, team of three.
41:16How would...
41:19...you describe...
41:22...enormous hugeness?
41:24LAUGHTER
41:26Massive.
41:28APPLAUSE
41:30Absolutely brilliant!
41:32Brilliant!
41:33So, the team of three win round two.
41:35It's currently 2-1.
41:37Good luck, everyone.
41:38John, you're going to start the question this time.
41:41I wish...
41:46Not to.
41:47I wish not to.
41:51Yeah, somehow turn this into a question, please, Dara.
41:54And also, make it relevant to the word somehow.
42:02Ascend vertically.
42:04So, the question is...
42:07I wish not to ascend vertically.
42:12Descend?
42:13It's weirdly not right, so it's...
42:17Sarah to start.
42:18What trousers...
42:21Do farmers...
42:24Wear now.
42:26LAUGHTER
42:27Well, it's either...
42:28Just to tee it up.
42:30It's either dungarees or overall.
42:36But...
42:36What do they wear now?
42:38That's what's...
42:39That's what's thrown.
42:42Overall.
42:44Go for overall, it's not right.
42:45So, it's a team of three again.
42:48Which aircraft...
42:51Crashes more...
42:54LAUGHTER
43:07John, what do you want to finish off the question?
43:10It's easy.
43:12Into mountains.
43:15LAUGHTER
43:18LAUGHTER
43:20LAUGHTER
43:22Helicopter.
43:23CHEERING
43:26So, this is to draw this round.
43:31Not overalls.
43:33LAUGHTER
43:37So, it...
43:38LAUGHTER
43:40Must be...
43:42Dungarees.
43:43CHEERING
43:46So, the team of three win three, the team of two win two.
43:49Marvellous. Let's put that to the final scores. Come down and join me!
43:55APPLAUSE
44:00Easy one to score.
44:01The team of three got three points, the team of two got two points.
44:03Are you happy with that?
44:04Yes, please.
44:04That's nice and easy.
44:05But it does mean the final scores...
44:07It's a clean sweep.
44:08A huge 30 points in one episode.
44:10And that's, of course, Mr Darrow Breen.
44:12Very nice!
44:14Look at that.
44:15Darrow win!
44:17Please go and gather your things never to be thrown away!
44:20CHEERING
44:24So, what have we learnt today?
44:26We've learnt that people come in different shapes and sizes.
44:29But not ducks.
44:30No, ducks come in one size and one size only.
44:33And if you've got an issue with that fact, you better speak to this guy!
44:38Bye-bye, everyone.
44:39You can go now, but don't forget who won tonight.
44:41It was Darrow Breen!
44:44CHEERING
44:50hence the few stars in the Disney universe.
44:51But immediately followed by the fans.��feat
45:15Legenda Adriana Zanotto
Comentários