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00:23A CIDADE NO BRASIL
00:38Acesse o nosso site www.mesmerism.com
01:00Isso é muito delicioso!
01:02E, depois do meal, o entertainment can I offer?
01:06Easy!
01:06I shall take five successful comedians
01:08And make them dance for you
01:10Dance like they never thought it possible to dance
01:12Until their hot tears fill their greedy little eyes
01:15For they all long to take home this
01:17A cheap, mass-produced effigy of my head
01:20When the games commence
01:22Please welcome
01:23Darro Breen!
01:27Fern Brady!
01:31John Kearns!
01:33Munya Chihuahua!
01:35And Sarah Millican!
01:40And next to me, a man who recently confided in me
01:44When drunk, that before bed each night
01:46His wife put talcum powder on his rear end and special area
01:49In what he described to me as his night-night bop-bop powder party
01:56That's a lot at all!
02:01APPLAUSE
02:02Hey, Greg
02:03Hey, mate
02:04Finally, I've had the first draft of my new book
02:06OK
02:06You want to see it?
02:07Yeah
02:07It's great!
02:08OK
02:08Well, you know about it, obviously
02:10It's the new autobiography of you
02:13For Greg?
02:14A force of nature
02:15Thank you
02:17It's quite weighty
02:18It's 700 pages
02:18It's the first part of eight
02:22I like it
02:23Do you want me to read you an excerpt?
02:24Read me an excerpt
02:25OK
02:25Ooh
02:26And then Greg Davis leapt off his horse and shouted
02:29That's how it's done, losers
02:31And all the guys and girls watching him applauded and knelt down before him
02:34And they lay down before him and sort of curled up into balls before him
02:37And Greg picked them up and rolled them at a barn and roared at them
02:43And on we go
02:44What's the first prize-class category of this new series, my little furry friend?
02:48Oh, today you've asked them to bring in the most jaw-dropping item
02:53Ah, ouch
02:54And the most jaw-dropping item of them all will get its owner five points
02:58And an early lead in the series
03:00Ka-ching
03:00Plus, at the end of the show, the winner will take home five jaw-dropping items
03:04And probably get locked jaw, Greg
03:09Right, let's begin
03:11Dara, what jaw-dropping item might you have bought us?
03:14For me, jaw-dropping is defined by
03:17Whenever you'd see Bugs Bunny
03:18Or another beloved cartoon character
03:21Dressed as a sexy female version of themselves
03:24So I got this made
03:33It's certainly an old man, isn't it?
03:36If you're not entirely sure about how jaw-dropping that is
03:39You have to see the effect it had on Alex
03:51This is strong
03:53Well played
03:54Fern
03:55I brought in a framed picture of a rescue chicken called Fern Brady
04:01Named after me, Fern Brady
04:04Here is a chicken called Fern Brady
04:08Yeah, there's this couple called David and Carol
04:11That really, really love comedy a lot
04:13And they have rescue chickens named after different female comedians
04:17I don't know if you've got one, Sarah
04:19It's a Sarah Millican chicken as well
04:22That's the thing is they always update you on how your chicken is doing
04:26So like Fern Brady the chicken was the biggest girl of the lot
04:29She really enjoyed her food
04:30But during the pandemic when I'd lost all my work and I was feeling sad
04:34I got a tweet from them one day saying Fern Brady died this morning
04:38But she was doing what she loved best eating breakfast out of David's hands
04:47That's pretty jaw-dropping
04:48Okay
04:48These are strong so far
04:50Someone's got to drop the ball soon, haven't they?
04:52Well, it's John's turn now
04:53John, what have you brought in?
04:54I brought in the Guinness World Records book
04:57This is going to take some talking round
04:59There's a tomato that's over ten pound
05:02Which is the size of a domestic cat
05:05It's a big tomato, he is right
05:06You've got a hairiest family
05:08They're the ones with hair over the face
05:10They're 98% hair
05:12They themselves are not 98% hair
05:15Is that the guy who was the quickest ever to get one point?
05:17Sorry
05:20Munya, what have you brought in?
05:21So I have brought in a knitted version of my head
05:26Here is his head
05:31What I like is that they've really nailed how your teeth are on your lips
05:37They've really caught that, haven't they, in wool
05:42I don't own it, I have to buy it
05:44Oh
05:45What?
05:47What?
05:48Yeah, I have to buy it
05:48200 pounds
05:49No!
05:53I mean, it's awful
05:56Sarah, can you beat that?
05:57It's a ceramic dildo
06:02That has one of my jokes engraved
06:06Is that the right word?
06:07I've never written on a dildo
06:09Apart from mine
06:13I was told it was a ceramic bangle holder, here it is
06:16Have you put anything in your mouth you don't want to?
06:23Which is the one bit of sex advice my mum ever gave me?
06:28Yeah, it's genuinely quite shocking
06:30You've seen all five?
06:32One point to John
06:33One point, okay
06:34I really loved it, but I'm only giving him two points, it's Munya's knitted head
06:37Oh, okay
06:38That's harsh
06:39Sorry, it is harsh, isn't it?
06:40Two points, okay
06:41I'm going to give joint honours to Dara's jaw-dropping cartoon
06:46And, incredibly, Sarah's ceramic dildo
06:50Because the thing that genuinely shocked me the most was that Fern would read
06:53Fern Brady is dead
06:56That's the thing that made my jaw drop
06:57Okay, well five points goes to Fern Brady
06:59There it is
07:00APPLAUSE
07:04Here we go, then
07:05What have we got first, Alex?
07:06Well, we have a box fresh task to kick off proceedings
07:32Hello, Alex
07:33Oh, hello, Sarah
07:36Come in
07:37Oh, got bit big-headed
07:39Do you want me to help you?
07:41I'm in.
07:42Oh, yeah.
07:43Yes.
07:44How you doing?
07:45I'm good, thanks, Mania.
07:46Oh, hi, Fern.
07:47Hi.
07:50Hi, John.
07:52Hello, Alex.
07:54This way, please.
07:56This way, please.
07:58Hello, Dara.
07:59Hello, Alex. How are you?
08:00So, yeah, face to front.
08:03You can take one step to me if you want.
08:05Oh, that's nice.
08:07And you can rotate this way a little bit if you want.
08:09Yeah, cool.
08:10OK.
08:11And you can open the task.
08:16Would you like to read the task?
08:20Yeah.
08:25Am I reading it?
08:26No, no.
08:27I'm very happy to.
08:28You can either post it in the top of me head,
08:30or you could maybe read it for me.
08:32Oh, I'd love to read it for you.
08:33Yes, please.
08:34You can hear the rustle of anticipation.
08:37Right, Mania.
08:39Mm?
08:40What ten films are you in?
08:42You have 15 minutes.
08:45Most correct films named wins.
08:48What do you mean, what ten films am I in?
08:50Your time starts now.
08:52What do you mean?
08:53Most correct films...
08:55..named wins.
08:57That I am in.
08:59Mm-hm.
08:59That I...
09:01..am in.
09:03Yes.
09:07APPLAUSE
09:14I thought they conducted themselves with absolute dignity.
09:17Mm.
09:17And I'm very excited to see them.
09:18And might I say, as a side note,
09:20Fern's early fury bodes very well for the rest of the series.
09:24LAUGHTER
09:25OK, here we go.
09:27It's Dara O'Brien, John Kearns and Fern Brady.
09:32Number one.
09:33Let's try to work out what film is that.
09:35That is...
09:38Arrow...
09:38Um, bow.
09:39Bow...
09:40Bowfinger?
09:42Not far off.
09:43What ten films am I in?
09:46Seven?
09:47Yep, that's one out of ten.
09:48What, did I just get one?
09:49Yep.
09:51Arrow...
09:51Bow...
09:52It's a sheep.
09:53Bowpeep.
09:54Ram.
09:54Bow...
09:55Rambo.
09:55Correct.
09:56Wizard.
09:57OK.
09:58Boomerang.
09:59So, remember, it's a film.
10:01Wizard.
10:01Mm-hm.
10:03Boomerang.
10:05I haven't seen that.
10:06This is a bendy stick that comes back to you.
10:11Erm...
10:11What the hell's that called again?
10:13Oh, Australian, er...
10:15Not kangaroo.
10:17Stop saying kangaroo, my brain.
10:19Erm...
10:19It is a...
10:20Boomerang.
10:22What the hell is that?
10:23Fucking elf, where's that?
10:24But there's no elves in Australia.
10:26Australian wizard.
10:27BUZZER
10:28Oh, maybe another word for an Australian.
10:30Yes.
10:31Wizard of Oz.
10:32Correct.
10:34BUZZER
10:34Erm...
10:35Jugs, jar, the three amigos.
10:38BUZZER
10:38What the hell would be in this?
10:39I don't know, the chipmunks.
10:42BUZZER
10:42Next one.
10:43I'm good at these, I like these games.
10:45Ah...
10:46Crusty golf.
10:47Cornflakes, golf club.
10:49Yep.
10:50Cornflakes, club.
10:52The breakfast club.
10:53Correct.
10:54Whoa!
10:55This was club.
10:56Something club.
10:57Uh-huh.
10:57Oh, Jesus Christ.
10:59Go on to the next one.
11:00OK.
11:00So they're peas.
11:02OK.
11:02What's the movie?
11:04Er...
11:04Peas?
11:05BUZZER
11:06PEAS
11:09Oh, for Jesus sake.
11:12You've got three and a half minutes.
11:14You've got three and a half minutes.
11:15Oh, my God, really?
11:16Frozen peas.
11:18Frozen.
11:19Correct.
11:20This is an orange.
11:22Clockwork orange.
11:23Correct.
11:24BUZZER
11:25I feel like this one's actually an easy one.
11:27Yes.
11:28BUZZER
11:28But it's not coming to me.
11:30Stones.
11:31A romancing stone.
11:32BUZZER
11:33I'm gonna go with moon.
11:35BUZZER
11:35OK.
11:36Top gun.
11:37BUZZER
11:37No.
11:38Fan gun.
11:40BUZZER
11:41FAN-y.
11:43FAN-y weapon.
11:44It's not fanny weapon.
11:46BUZZER
11:47Oh.
11:48Gone with the wind.
11:50Correct.
11:50Oh, you're looking for number nine?
11:52Yeah.
11:53OK.
11:53I'm number nine.
11:55Well, those are carrots, right?
11:56Yep.
11:56And then I've got things in my hands as well.
11:59Er...
11:59A teabag.
12:00OK.
12:01Is it?
12:02Yep.
12:02And one other thing here.
12:03Carrot-y.
12:04Carrot-y ginger.
12:06BUZZER
12:06But that's not ginger.
12:07Oh, it's a horse.
12:09Goat.
12:09Teabag.
12:11Carrots.
12:12Carrot-y.
12:13Ram.
12:15BUZZER
12:15Carrot-y goats.
12:17What the hell?
12:18It's a karate kid.
12:19Correct.
12:20Your number ten.
12:21You represent a moment in a film.
12:24You've got 30 seconds.
12:26Oh, in total?
12:27In total, yeah.
12:28Oh, shite.
12:29Yeah, no, it's gone badly.
12:30It has gone badly, hasn't it?
12:31Mm.
12:32Yeah.
12:34BUZZER
12:34Your time up, Dara.
12:41BUZZER
12:42I'm sure the expression on that box changed to great sadness.
12:47It got sadder!
12:48That still photo got sadder and sadder as I couldn't remember the names of any film.
12:54Dara, not the first comedian to do this show because his children enjoy it, only to lose all the respects
13:00his children previously had.
13:02So he got three out of the ten films.
13:05John, when you just shouted at the top of your voice, chipmunks, it felt like a man throwing in the
13:12towel for the whole series.
13:16Yes.
13:16Fern, pleased with your performance?
13:18Yeah, I think I did.
13:20How many did Fern get?
13:21Let's just find out.
13:22She got 60% of them right.
13:23Six out of ten.
13:24Really good.
13:25Really good.
13:26Nice.
13:28And I thought that The Wizard of Oz, I thought your title was better.
13:32What did I pick?
13:33The Australian Wizard.
13:34Yeah.
13:35Six points and John got four points?
13:37Yes.
13:38One film that you were adamant about was Peas, the film.
13:43And as it's not a real film, I wonder if you wanted to pitch it, maybe?
13:46Peas, er, a lonely gardener, er, during lockdown.
13:51Yep.
13:52The only thing that grows in his garden is peas.
13:54Yep.
13:55Er, he goes to bed, the peas run in the house and er, they kill him and then live his
14:01life.
14:02That's peas.
14:03Coming to a cinema near you.
14:05Yeah, yeah.
14:06How will our final two do?
14:08Let's find out as Sarah Milliken and Monja Chihuahua investigate.
14:12Well, how's this now?
14:13This is a bow and arrow.
14:15I know the feeling of this.
14:16OK.
14:17OK.
14:18A ram.
14:19OK.
14:20Silence of the rams.
14:21Silence of the rams.
14:21It's not silence of the rams.
14:24A sheep.
14:24A sheep, er, a ram.
14:25Rambo.
14:26Correct.
14:27Yes!
14:28So it's a witch's hat, boomerang.
14:31Oh, such a puzzle.
14:33Oh, The Wizard of Oz.
14:35Correct.
14:35Yes.
14:36You're good at this, Monja.
14:37Yeah, catch.
14:37No, I'm joking.
14:38The Wizard of Oz returns.
14:40Well, you sort of said it.
14:42Well, give me the point then.
14:43What's the film?
14:44The Wizard of Oz.
14:45Correct.
14:46Oh, Australia.
14:47Oh, you dicks.
14:48Lovely, I'm having a great day.
14:51One jar, two jar, three jar.
14:54Jar Wars.
14:55Jars.
14:56Close.
14:57Jaws.
15:00It's like a golf club with eczema.
15:04Something club.
15:05Fight club.
15:06No.
15:07Breakfast club.
15:08Correct.
15:09Yes.
15:10Oh.
15:11Peas.
15:12Oh, man.
15:13Oh.
15:14Oh, it's peas.
15:15Frozen.
15:16Correct.
15:18This is...
15:19Clockwork orange.
15:20Clockwork orange.
15:21Correct.
15:21The rock.
15:22Close.
15:23The rock two.
15:25Rock.
15:26Rocky.
15:27Correct.
15:28Is the word rocky?
15:29Correct.
15:30Oh, God.
15:31Was it a gun?
15:32Yes.
15:33Gundy?
15:34It's not Gundy, no.
15:36Gun with the wind.
15:38Oh, my word.
15:39Is it?
15:39Correct.
15:39Yes.
15:41Gun with the wind.
15:42Correct.
15:42Shut your face.
15:45Form.
15:46Bro.
15:46You're a bit older than a kid, but karate kid.
15:49Correct.
15:50Yes.
15:50You are clue number ten.
15:51I am?
15:52Yes.
15:52I'm not in any films.
15:54Sarah Millican.
15:55The Sarah Millican film.
15:56No.
15:57My head right now is in a box.
15:59Yes.
15:59That is the exact same as a moment in a film.
16:01Yes.
16:04Big heads, corn heads.
16:08Cardboard heads.
16:09No.
16:10Do you want to blow the whistle or shall I?
16:11Yeah, you blow the whistle.
16:18I'm intrigued by Munya, picked up Bo and said, I've written it down because I was so intrigued,
16:25I know the feeling of this.
16:30So, in Zimbabwe, we used to have nine gardeners, OK?
16:34Now, it's not because we're bougie, it's because that's just the done thing.
16:38So, basically...
16:39To have nine gardeners.
16:40Yeah.
16:40My dad was like, look, I can't afford these nine gardeners, too many, yeah?
16:44So, we need to rank them.
16:45So, he put me in charge of ranking them.
16:47So, what I would do is, I would give them tacks.
16:50Like, I was a Zimbabwean taskmaster, and one of them was to make me a bow and arrow.
16:54So, the person who made me the bow and arrow was top gardener.
16:57So...
16:59What the fuck's going on?
17:02It's worth you knowing that he will mention Zimbabwe in every single task.
17:07Wow, amazing.
17:08Give me some scores.
17:09Well, I can tell you, Sarah got seven out of ten.
17:13Munya, eight out of ten.
17:15Oh.
17:16Yeah.
17:17Wow.
17:18So, which means Munya gets five points.
17:20Four to Sarah, three to Fern, two to John,
17:24Dara, just a single point.
17:26Dara, you're pretty angry about this, yeah?
17:27Not at you, not at the show, not at the concept,
17:30not at the whole idea of puzzles and fun.
17:31I'm just angry at me.
17:33And we're only in the first task proper.
17:35Yes.
17:36Which means that John is last place by quite some distance,
17:39but in joint first we have Fern and Sarah with eight points.
17:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:47Let's see another task, please.
17:49OK, then, Greg, it's our first location task of the series
17:52and this time, for a bit of a laugh,
17:54we borrowed the whole of Gatwick Airport's south terminal.
17:57Good stuff.
17:58Lou, roll VT.
18:00MUSIC PLAYS
18:18Hello, Alex.
18:20Hi, Fern.
18:21Hey.
18:26Imagine if I just knocked this over there.
18:29That'd be funny, wouldn't it?
18:30Oh, I love a toilet roll.
18:32I feel much happier now that there's loads of toilet rolls here.
18:37Oh, yeah, I'm going to love this.
18:39Land loo in the loo.
18:41You must stay on the spot at all times.
18:44Most loo-row in the loo wins.
18:46You have 50 minutes, your time starts now.
18:50That's not an easy shot.
18:52Well, in my real life, I'm actually amazin' at this.
18:56I'm always knockin' full toilet rolls into the toilet.
18:59LAUGHTER
19:00What happens when I run out?
19:01You'll either be happy or sad.
19:04LAUGHTER
19:04You know, in Zimbabwe, I'm used to long drops.
19:06So this should be a doozy.
19:10Ha! Or a loo-zie.
19:13APPLAUSE
19:16Do you genuinely knock full toilet rolls into the toilet regularly?
19:19Yeah, I get in trouble for it.
19:21It's so upsetting.
19:22I've got a massive mirror in my bathroom,
19:24and I would say once a week I do that,
19:26and then look at myself and go,
19:27you fat arse.
19:29LAUGHTER
19:30Let's play.
19:31OK, first to use the toilet, it's Dara and Fern.
19:35Ooh.
19:35OK, I'll just try one just to try one, OK?
19:42No.
19:42How long have I got? 15 minutes?
19:44You've got 15 minutes.
19:47Oh, no!
19:50Oh, no!
19:55Oh, no!
19:57I'm going to roll it down something.
19:59Wadding it?
20:00Drainage pipe anywhere.
20:03Oh, no!
20:05String.
20:07Moir.
20:09Do you think I should gather the tactic?
20:12I don't know.
20:14Just...
20:15Oh!
20:18Did that count?
20:19No.
20:20Obviously I could do it in smaller chunks
20:22and get something in here.
20:24That wasn't one of them.
20:28Oh!
20:29Sort of counted that one.
20:32Is there an ideal amount of weight to stability?
20:39Oh!
20:40Oh!
20:45Yes!
20:47Yes!
20:48Yes!
20:49Are we breaking into a fishing supply store?
20:54It wasn't anywhere needed.
20:56Right.
20:57You've got 13 minutes left.
20:59I'm going to go direct on this.
21:03OK, I'm off the mark.
21:05I think you've finished early.
21:06Well done.
21:06Thank you.
21:07Congratulations.
21:08One out of 12 winning.
21:12You weren't expecting the second one to land, are you?
21:23Ah!
21:31Oh!
21:33I hit the rim six times in a row.
21:35I hit the rim six times in a row.
21:38That's shattering.
21:44Incredible to watch Dara ruminating to himself
21:47over the many ways he could do this.
21:49And I wrote down, my impression was that Dara was walking
21:52the fine line between physics theorist and confused uncle in a shed.
22:00But he landed a couple of sweet ones in the pan, right?
22:03Yes, he got a whole roll in, which is 140 sheets.
22:05We all know that.
22:06And 43 other individual sheets.
22:08I do have to go through the toilet at the end of this task and count them.
22:12That was the only pleasure left open to me,
22:14is the thought of you going through my toilet paper
22:16and individually counting the sheets.
22:19That must have given you a little lift after all of the rim shots,
22:23which were, and I quote,
22:24quite shattering.
22:30Fern had a less technical system.
22:34It seemed to me that you thought,
22:35yeah, I'm just going to chuck all these one by one
22:37and after each one I'm going to go, oh, no!
22:41Yeah, I didn't realise till you said there was 13 minutes left.
22:45That was when I realised I might have done it definitely to everyone else.
22:48Who's next?
22:49Next up to throw down are Munya and Millican.
22:53Part of me thinks it's just throwing and hoping it hits.
22:56If I break these into pieces, I could basically have 100 shots.
23:02Oh!
23:03It does have to go in the loop.
23:04Yeah, I know that.
23:05We've all missed this seat a few times in our life, haven't we?
23:08There you go.
23:08I'm just going to start.
23:12That's quite close.
23:13Maybe this isn't impossible.
23:17Oh!
23:19Just keep it going.
23:20LeBron James.
23:22LeBron James.
23:26No, nearly here.
23:30No, too far.
23:32LeBron James.
23:34LeBron James.
23:37Ready for this.
23:38LeBron James.
23:41Oh, shit.
23:43No.
23:44Oh, I flushed it though.
23:46That's just over half your loo roll's gone.
23:48It feels silly to just chuck five more.
23:52LeBron James.
23:54LeBron James.
23:57Oh!
23:59Could I get some water?
24:00Oh, thank you.
24:01I can't get off my spot.
24:03I'm sticking with the rules.
24:04Thank you.
24:04Just wet them to make them a bit heavier.
24:06Yeah.
24:07Um...
24:09Is it for him?
24:15Stupid game anyway.
24:18This is so satisfying.
24:21I can't believe I missed this many.
24:23This is impossible.
24:26The ones with the little tails do look amazing when they go.
24:28Yeah, well, it's not about your artistic direction, is it?
24:30Right.
24:31It's about getting them in.
24:32No.
24:33How long?
24:34No!
24:36No!
24:36Yes!
24:38Ten seconds.
24:40And this is the final bit of loo roll, is it?
24:42Yeah.
24:43Good luck!
24:46No!
24:47It's pretty good.
24:50Oh, God's sake.
24:55Whatever, Alex.
24:56Thank you.
24:57Thank you.
24:58Thank you.
24:59Thank you.
24:59Thank you.
25:03Minya, at the beginning, what did you mean when you said,
25:06we've all missed the seat sometimes?
25:09Listen, we all have a pass.
25:10You poo off the seat?
25:12Not me personally, just, you know, when you've got nine gardeners,
25:16a lot of stuff happens.
25:17LAUGHTER
25:19Fascinating.
25:21Um, Sarah, you stopped halfway through to try a new system.
25:24Yeah.
25:24And it was a delight.
25:27Aw.
25:27Make the paper heavy.
25:29Yeah.
25:29Make it more like a poo.
25:32You don't like mine.
25:33Oh, no?
25:34No.
25:34That's too solid for me.
25:36Is it?
25:36Yeah.
25:36Just a disaster zone, is it?
25:38Yeah.
25:39I mean, I'll be honest with you, Sarah, mine's not pretty.
25:42LAUGHTER
25:43But I thought it was a masterstroke.
25:45I don't know that it worked.
25:47Yeah, it did.
25:47Oh, did it?
25:48You did actually say, I've never seen a kingfisher.
25:50I imagine this is what it's like.
25:51Swack.
25:52Yeah.
25:53How many of her big, wet kingfisher's went in?
25:56She had a total of 80 individual sheets,
25:59whereas Minya, just 61.
26:01Good.
26:02We've seen everyone apart from John Kearns.
26:04So here is John Kearns.
26:06With ever anything like this, I don't need power.
26:10Gravity will provide the power.
26:12So, weirdly, I'm going to throw it up before I throw it down.
26:20Right, I might try throwing it down now.
26:26Well, I'm just going to have another go.
26:29Right.
26:29That was really quite a long way away from the toilet.
26:33Ooh, I've got an idea.
26:36Make a little paper airplane.
26:40Well, look how beautiful it is first and foremost.
26:43The chassis.
26:44The wings.
26:45It's a fantastic piece of engineering.
26:48Fly, my pretty.
26:50Fly.
27:04Oh, God.
27:09Right, hang on.
27:11What's happening now?
27:12Oh, I'm going to make a bigger one.
27:14A bigger one?
27:15Yeah.
27:32Right, I need to rethink this now.
27:38Great to get some new run on the loop.
27:40Yeah, I know that.
27:40That's the task.
27:41So I'm here.
27:42Too high up.
27:4320 seconds, Sean.
27:45Well, I'll release that.
27:54Well, that didn't go to plan.
28:02I had such high hopes because of the arch way you delivered the sentence, gravity will provide the power.
28:11I thought this man knows what he's talking about.
28:14Yeah, I do.
28:14No, you don't.
28:19I tell you, it's a shame we don't give Art House points, though.
28:22Oh, man, that is, that is, I mean, he may not win this game, but he win a César, the
28:26French Oscars for best short film.
28:28That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
28:29From the maker of peas.
28:36It's frustrating to watch that for John because he is an amazing shot.
28:40Afterwards, we sometimes stick around and have a bit of fun.
28:42John grabbed a loo roll, chucked it.
28:45Straight in.
28:45Have you got it?
28:46No, I didn't film it.
28:48Yeah, we did, we did, we did.
28:51Watch it.
29:05That's got to just be gut-wrenching, isn't it?
29:08Oh, yes!
29:12Hey, let's have some points.
29:13Right, well, John didn't get any in.
29:16Does he still get a point, Greg, for coming last?
29:18Yeah, for God's sake.
29:19For the sheer beauty, he's got to get a point, doesn't he?
29:21A single point to John.
29:22Then we have Munya with two points.
29:24Sarah came third, three points.
29:26Fern, four points for second place.
29:28But the winner with five points is Dora Breen!
29:29Wow.
29:32183 sheets.
29:34The Master Physicist strikes.
29:37Time for one more.
29:38You bet!
29:39With Matthew Kelly, and it's the first team task now.
29:42Oh, my God.
29:43Yes.
29:55Hello.
29:56Hello, Fern.
29:57Please wait.
29:58Please wait.
29:59Hi, Alex.
30:00Hi, Sarah.
30:01Oh, I don't know what you've got.
30:03A length of drain pipe.
30:05Yeah.
30:06I don't like your little geeky socks.
30:08You don't?
30:09No.
30:10I don't like this.
30:11It looks like I might have to do a forward roll or something.
30:13Can you do a forward roll?
30:14For you, I'd give it a go.
30:16Great.
30:17Should I read the task?
30:20Hi.
30:20Oh, hello.
30:22Hiya.
30:22Hey, Fern, how are you?
30:24All right.
30:24You are now a team.
30:26Oh, damn.
30:27OK.
30:28Dora, this is Fern.
30:29Fern, this is Dora.
30:29Hey, nice to meet you.
30:31You are a team.
30:32Oh, cool.
30:33Cool.
30:34Yeah?
30:34You can stand next to each other if you want.
30:36Oh, sorry.
30:36I thought there was a team.
30:37No, you just...
30:38Wherever you want.
30:39Well, I want to do...
30:41There's John!
30:41Uh-huh.
30:45You go ahead, please.
30:48Good luck, team.
30:49Create the best picture of a bird on the black square.
30:53You may not step on or do anything to the black square.
30:57Alex will walk towards you every time you name a different bird.
31:02Alex will stop moving every time you name a different fish.
31:06Oh, my God!
31:07I hear that.
31:07I hear that.
31:08This is sick.
31:08OK, all right.
31:09You have a maximum of 15 minutes.
31:12Your time starts when Alex withdraws his nail.
31:15So is there paint?
31:17Oh, oh, oh, wait, wait, wait.
31:17So there's paint in...
31:18Paint is going to start spraying out as soon as he pulls out that nail.
31:21So if I said a bird's name, you would walk towards me?
31:24I will follow the last person who said a species of bird.
31:27But if we name a fish...
31:28And he will stop...
31:28He stops.
31:29He stops when we name a fish.
31:30How good are you on fishing birds?
31:32That was my uni degree, so we're all good.
31:37APPLAUSE
31:38Was it your uni degree?
31:39Yeah, I mean, some people call it psychology, but I...
31:43LAUGHTER
31:44Very nice.
31:45Degree or not, my gut instinct is it's going to go very badly
31:48for both teams.
31:49Oh, OK.
31:50I could be wrong.
31:51And my only other observation is that during that,
31:54Fern was either freezing or needed a wee.
31:57LAUGHTER
31:57It was both...
31:59It was really hard to go to the toilet in that costume.
32:01Yeah.
32:01So I think I went once in the whole series.
32:05LAUGHTER
32:07Excellent.
32:08OK, well, luckily nobody's going to have to imagine a world
32:11without montages because we've got one right here.
32:14OK, I'm now going to withdraw my nail.
32:15Good luck, everyone.
32:19Oh.
32:20Oh, no.
32:21OK, we're losing paint quickly here.
32:23Yeah, OK.
32:23OK, Alex.
32:25Pigeon.
32:30Carp.
32:31Stop.
32:33Right, right, right.
32:35Magpie.
32:37OK.
32:38Oh, fish.
32:40Oh, fish.
32:40Seagull.
32:44Alex.
32:45Seagull.
32:46Sea bream.
32:47Oh, you...
32:48Oh, you just keep coming towards me.
32:50Until you say a fish.
32:51Carp.
32:54Right, OK.
32:55Eagle.
32:59Er...
33:00Goldfish.
33:02Er...
33:03Goldfish.
33:03Jeez, it's a fantastic bird.
33:05Er...
33:06Owl.
33:06I can't think of a fish.
33:08It can't be a fish.
33:08Oh, my God.
33:09Oh, my God.
33:09Blowfish.
33:10Hi.
33:10Hi.
33:12Where's the head?
33:13Is that the head up there?
33:13That's the head up there.
33:14Pork.
33:16What?
33:16Angelfish.
33:17You did do your degree in this.
33:18I'm telling you.
33:19This is a bird that's been run over.
33:22Oh, what?
33:23Beak.
33:23That's its beak.
33:24Shouldn't we put a foot over here?
33:26Why are we doing a foot sticking out of its ass?
33:29Could it be a bird at any other angle?
33:31We could start again.
33:32I am totally not seeing how you don't see this.
33:35It looks like a mango rabbit or something.
33:39I can't think of any birds or fish.
33:40Er...
33:41Falcon.
33:42Falcon.
33:42No, no, no.
33:43No, no, no, no.
33:45Quick.
33:46Say something.
33:46Falcon.
33:48No touch.
33:49No touch.
33:50No touch.
33:51That's the head, yeah?
33:52Yes.
33:53So what's this?
33:53It's a body.
33:54It's a turkey.
33:55Oh, yeah.
33:56Oh, turkey.
33:59I think our problem is that we can't remember at critical times the names of birds or fish.
34:05So get maybe three birds and three fish.
34:08Oh, Jesus Christ.
34:09Body.
34:10Body.
34:11Is Anil a fish or a snake?
34:15We need an eye, but how do we do an eye?
34:17I know, I know.
34:17I know.
34:17If one of us is above Alex, then he has to lift the paint up, which means it stops pouring.
34:24Do you see what I'm saying?
34:25How are you going to get above him?
34:27Mexican parrot.
34:30Hey, look, I'm up.
34:31I'm up.
34:31I'm up.
34:31Oh, yes, you are.
34:33We very much lost the bird.
34:34He doesn't look like anything.
34:36There's so much wrong with this.
34:39Where's the head now?
34:40You've got the beak, you've got the foot, you've got the tail, you've got the wing.
34:43Now we've got a bird.
34:44Two and a half minutes.
34:45Penguin is a penguin.
34:47It's a penguin.
34:47It's a penguin.
34:48Quick, quick, quick, quick.
34:49Come on.
34:50This could maybe be a bird.
34:54That's not a bird.
34:55You have to know when to step away.
34:57Let's step away.
35:00That's not your cuppa, Sarah.
35:01I need to have a cuppa.
35:02Good plan.
35:03Look at that.
35:04That's a...
35:05Look at the beak.
35:06Look at the beak there.
35:08Right.
35:08Like a goose.
35:10Are they going in?
35:10They've gone in there.
35:12Thank you.
35:19That's what I predicted.
35:21The group of three, to me, seem to be the least organised,
35:24although Dara took an early leading role.
35:27Yeah, much ignored.
35:29You did, for the first few minutes, run round and round the canvas
35:32and then say to Alex really aggressively,
35:35what, you're just going to keep coming towards me?
35:38It put me in mind of a documentary about how six-year-olds interact.
35:45What about the group of two?
35:46There was a better dynamic there, I thought.
35:48Yeah, we are pretty much an interracial JLS, so I felt like we...
35:53Do you mind if I write that down?
35:54Please do, yeah.
35:55No, no, please.
35:56I thought we had an exceptional use of physics.
36:00You know, a wise man once said, gravity will do the rest.
36:05So...
36:06I feel like we did pretty good.
36:07You remember it differently to me.
36:10This is what Munya and Sarah created.
36:15That does look like a bird.
36:18See?
36:18See?
36:19You see?
36:19It starts a shock and then it gets impressed.
36:21It looks like it's leaning into wind.
36:23It's a bird with human feasts leaning into the wind.
36:26Well, you know, that's evolution.
36:27Yeah.
36:30I thought it was one of her kingfishers.
36:31I've kind of brought it to life.
36:33There.
36:33Yes.
36:35Fabulous kingfisher.
36:38The majestic...
36:40That's a Zimbabwean nut hat.
36:41I thought it might be, yeah.
36:43Very rare.
36:43Very rare.
36:44Extremely rare.
36:45OK, well, would you like to see what the team of three ended up with?
36:48Let's see this beautiful bird.
36:49There we go.
36:52That's the bird.
36:53Yeah.
36:54You can see the beak here at the left-hand side.
36:56The wings are up like this around it and that's the body of it at the back there.
37:00Exactly the same tone of voice Dara used when he was running round going,
37:04oh, yeah, right, you're following me now, are you?
37:07John?
37:09Fern?
37:09No, I mean, unless the bird's been exploded everywhere,
37:13it doesn't look like anything.
37:16Look, there were differences of vision within the team.
37:18They went for a bird.
37:20Oh, did you not see the duck's head?
37:22I can see a bird.
37:23Also, the right-hand side is a head.
37:25No!
37:27It is.
37:28It's a chicken.
37:28Look.
37:29There we go.
37:30What?
37:34Standard chicken.
37:35We can see the chicken in action.
37:38There we go.
37:39And you criticised...
37:42No, you criticised our feet.
37:45How dare you?
37:47It's pointing the other way.
37:49Thanks for confirming there's no bird in there.
37:52Well, you've got to judge them.
37:53Which is the better bird?
37:54Don't be so ridiculous.
37:56We know what the better bird is.
37:57It's just how we divide the points.
37:59But, you know, let's not pretend that that bird's good.
38:04LAUGHTER
38:06I feel sorry for them, so I'm going to give them two points for their mass of lines.
38:10The team of three.
38:10That's correct.
38:11OK.
38:11But I'll be giving five points, the top marks, to the team of two.
38:16There we go.
38:16Five points for Mummy and Sarah.
38:20APPLAUSE
38:21Quick look at the scores.
38:22Right.
38:23Well, he's still in last place with six, and the leader now has ten points more than that.
38:26It's Sarah with 16.
38:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:32OK, everyone.
38:33Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
38:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:47That look on Dara's face, I call it deep regret.
38:51LAUGHTER
38:52Mummy has got his on at a jaunty angle look.
38:54Of course he has.
38:54Yeah, that's how they wear them in Zimbabwe.
38:57LAUGHTER
38:58Who's going to read the task out?
39:00Fern Brady is going to.
39:01Good luck, Fern.
39:02Get the most weight on the seesaw without popping the balloon.
39:07Taking it in turns, you must place a single item of your additional clothing
39:10in the triangular basket.
39:13The most weight in the triangular basket when the balloon pops wins.
39:17But if you pop the balloon, you get zero points.
39:20So, one at a time, they're going to pop one of the additional clothing items
39:24in the triangular basket.
39:25They're trying to put the most weight in there before the balloon pops.
39:28So we know how much each of your items weighs.
39:31What you don't want to do is pop the balloon.
39:33Oh, yeah, cos you get nothing there.
39:34So we're going to start with the person in last place, Greg,
39:36and that's obviously John.
39:39I'm going to go with the top hat.
39:40Ooh, he's going big.
39:42You can turn this round.
39:44No, no, he's ten points behind.
39:45No, I know.
39:47LAUGHTER
39:47All right, here we go.
39:50Oh, perfect.
39:51Right.
39:51Wow.
39:52That delivery was almost arrogant.
39:54Next, it's Dara O'Brien.
39:56Good luck, Dara.
39:57Ooh.
39:58He wouldn't go with a boot.
40:02Gentle.
40:04Oh, big but gentle.
40:08Oh, you lovely bear.
40:11LAUGHTER
40:11Well played.
40:13In third place, it's Munya.
40:14Chihuahua.
40:16Another boot.
40:17Let's see what I'm going to do.
40:18LeBron James.
40:20LAUGHTER
40:21LeBron James.
40:25LAUGHTER
40:26No movement yet.
40:28It's Fern Brady to go next.
40:30Another boot.
40:31Oh.
40:31Yeah, come on, Fern.
40:32That's it.
40:32Oh, Fern.
40:35Oh, easy.
40:37Easy.
40:38Sarah Milliken, the current leader.
40:40Is she going boot?
40:41Oh, God, she'd be mad too.
40:42Yeah, ever better.
40:43Yeah, there we go.
40:44Very clever.
40:45Lovely.
40:46One item.
40:47It's back to you, John.
40:48Oh, another boot, I think.
40:49Another boot?
40:50Yeah.
40:50I'm absolutely pissed on the adrenaline.
40:52LAUGHTER
40:56Oh, f...
40:57Oh, he's going to move.
40:59Slight movement there.
41:00Back to Dara.
41:01He's going flipper.
41:04LAUGHTER
41:09I think he's using physics.
41:12LAUGHTER
41:12Monja, you're up, Monja.
41:14Cool.
41:14I'm going to go glove cos it's really irritating my accent.
41:20Lovely delivery.
41:21LeBron James.
41:23LAUGHTER
41:24Fern, you're up.
41:25That's it.
41:26He's going flipper.
41:28And it goes.
41:29Lovely.
41:30Sarah.
41:31You're up.
41:32She's not.
41:33Oh, hello.
41:34Oh, she wouldn't.
41:35Oh, well, hello.
41:36She wouldn't.
41:37Oh, it's madness.
41:44Wow.
41:45Nothing's happened yet.
41:45Right, it's...
41:49It's John again.
41:50I think it needs a bit of...
41:52Now, you don't want to pop the balloon, John.
41:54No.
41:55But I don't think I'll do it enough.
41:58You do you, John.
41:59You play your game.
42:01You play your game.
42:03Oh!
42:05Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
42:07Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
42:11Right.
42:12Now we're getting somewhere!
42:14Laura Green next.
42:16Good morning, Mr Scrooge.
42:20Oh, he's got...
42:21Oh, lovely.
42:22Are we happy that's in the triangular basket?
42:25Yeah.
42:25Yeah.
42:26Yeah.
42:26All right.
42:28It has got in...
42:32Physics, yeah?
42:34Ooh!
42:35OK, Munya?
42:36OK, you know the thing they're going to say about Munya?
42:38He lives on the edge.
42:41I don't think that's what they're going to say.
42:46Oh, lovely.
42:50Oh, Munya.
42:51Can you help balance me?
42:53Just hold my hand.
42:54No.
42:54No, please.
42:55No, quite right, John.
42:55Hold my hand, please.
42:57Why?
42:57Because I need the balance.
42:58Because the more weight my nails pop on it...
43:00I'm in last place.
43:01It doesn't matter, bro.
43:03You've got nothing to lose.
43:04OK, bro, count me down from three.
43:06Count me down from three!
43:06Three, two, one.
43:10Oh!
43:11Oh!
43:12Oh!
43:13Oh!
43:18Come and join me down here.
43:25Wow.
43:26Well, well, well.
43:27I bet that's what the cat amongst the pigeons has next.
43:29So, obviously, Munya, who was too near the edge in the end,
43:32gets zero points.
43:33Sarah put 1,071 grams in.
43:37Fern, 1,310 grams.
43:40Dara and John, both exactly the same.
43:4214.61.
43:43Which means that Sarah gets the two points,
43:46three points to Fern,
43:47but in joint first place, five points to Dara and John.
43:54Can I tell you what the final scores are?
43:56Yes, please.
43:56Well, there's only one point separating three people,
43:58but the winner with 18 points is Sarah Milliken!
44:01Wow!
44:05Sarah wins!
44:07Please head up to the stage to enjoy your jaw-dropping prizes!
44:12APPLAUSE
44:14A new series has begun.
44:16See you next time.
44:17But for now, well done again to our first winner,
44:19Sarah Milliken!
44:22APPLAUSE
44:22And the next one we're seeing with you.
44:23For now, it's a great time.
44:33And it's a great show.
44:43We want to take care of your jaw-droppingers!
44:44We can do that to our last winner.
44:44We've just met our next winner.
44:54Obrigada.
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