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00:00.
00:02Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:11No, no, no, no!
00:18No!
00:23Ah!
00:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:38Hi, McGrath Davis. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:41And spoiler alert, I don't know everything.
00:43I don't know how the pyramids were built.
00:46I can't explain nuclear fusion.
00:47I don't know what butter is. What is it? No-one knows, really.
00:50Off milk? Try spreading off milk on your kids' toast.
00:53They'll be off school for a fortnight, you idiot.
00:55So, why would five comedians risk everything to win a trophy,
00:59that doesn't look like anyone?
01:01It's not me. I've had a beard for five years.
01:03It doesn't matter.
01:04The point is, we don't need to know the answer to everything.
01:08Sometimes we just need to...
01:10..drink it in.
01:12So, please, raise your glasses...
01:15..to Frankie Bile!
01:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:29And next to me, the chips to my fish, the nut to my bolt,
01:33the toilet bowl to my heavy beef lunch.
01:36It is!
01:39Little...
01:40Alex Hall!
01:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:44Hello, Greg. You all right? Yeah.
01:46Do you want a game of ice pie? Yes, please.
01:48OK, well, let's play.
01:51What sort of pie is this?
01:53It's an ice pie.
01:54LAUGHTER
01:55It's an ice pie, isn't it?
01:57You've got to guess the filling.
01:58That's the game. That's the game.
02:00And then we crack it open and find out if you're right.
02:03LAUGHTER
02:03It's really wet.
02:05LAUGHTER
02:05OK, I think it's a chicken pie.
02:07It is a chicken pie.
02:08OK.
02:08He's won ice pie!
02:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:12On with the prize task.
02:14For today's prize task, you demanded the comedian's brought in
02:17the best thing to play a bout with in your bathroom.
02:20The winner of the episode is guaranteed some seriously top-level
02:23bathroom fun.
02:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:26Hi, Ed, I'll start with you.
02:27What do you like playing with in your bathroom?
02:29I like playing with a piano.
02:33LAUGHTER
02:33You really?
02:35LAUGHTER
02:37Does it drown up unfortunate sounds?
02:40Um, it depends how high you turn it up.
02:43So you're saying you could provide the soundtrack to the moment?
02:47LAUGHTER
02:48You call it the moment?
02:49Do you not call it the moment?
02:50He's always called it the moment.
02:52LAUGHTER
02:52What tunes could a man play on this piece of tat?
02:55Oh, we're talking three blind mice.
02:57That is...
02:58Um...
02:59LAUGHTER
02:59End of sentence.
03:01LAUGHTER
03:03LAUGHTER
03:03Shit!
03:05LAUGHTER
03:05That is...
03:07That is a disappointing start.
03:09LAUGHTER
03:10May?
03:11I...
03:12Well, I guess if people stay around my house,
03:14I want them to have a very exciting and thrilling time,
03:17and I like to live on the edge dangerously.
03:20So I've made a toothpaste Russian roulette.
03:24LAUGHTER
03:25Here's a picture of it.
03:27Toothpaste Russian roulette.
03:28OK, so...
03:29There's different things in each tube.
03:31So one has mayonnaise, one has cream cheese,
03:33one has face cream and one has toothpaste.
03:35Oh!
03:35I've never felt such danger as brushing my teeth with cheese.
03:39LAUGHTER
03:41Quite fun, though.
03:42It's fun, and you've made an effort.
03:45Yeah.
03:45Yeah.
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48You know how when you have a bath,
03:50you set up a lot of candles, you create an atmosphere?
03:54Yeah.
03:54Why not...
03:54One does.
03:56LAUGHTER
03:56Why not...
03:57Why not use that atmosphere to contact the dead...
04:02LAUGHTER
04:03..with a laminated Ouija board,
04:06specifically designed to contact the dead members
04:08of the group, the Bee Gees.
04:10LAUGHTER
04:12Wow.
04:13So here is Frankie's waterproof...
04:15..Bee-gee Ouija board.
04:18LAUGHTER
04:20LAUGHTER
04:23APPLAUSE
04:24APPLAUSE
04:27I really like it, Frankie.
04:29I probably shouldn't.
04:29I do, though.
04:30And I'm a big fan of the Bee Gees.
04:31R.I.P.
04:33R.I.P.
04:33Hello, Barry.
04:36iPhone.
04:38Greg, I've brought in a prize task
04:40that combines a lovely bit of music,
04:43a lovely bit of danger,
04:44and even a little bit of death.
04:46It's a scale model of the Titanic.
04:49And here it is!
04:51LAUGHTER
04:54Come on, Greg.
04:55God!
04:56Don't you want to bathe with her?
04:58LAUGHTER
04:59I don't want to recreate one of the worst maritime disasters
05:04in history.
05:05But you don't have to recreate it.
05:07You can keep your scale model of the Titanic afloat in the bar.
05:10Afloat?
05:10That's the beauty of the prize task.
05:12God...
05:12You can change history for the better.
05:14I don't think you can change history.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18Hello, Jenny.
05:19Hello, boys.
05:20Hello.
05:21Hello, both.
05:22I don't know whether either of you or any of my teammates here
05:26are clenchers or grinders.
05:28The world does divide.
05:29Clencher or grinder?
05:30Grinder.
05:31Grinder?
05:32Grinder.
05:32I'm a clencher.
05:34Terrible clencher.
05:35And this is a charming mouth brace I have to wear at night.
05:39LAUGHTER
05:39So, have you lost your mouth?
05:43LAUGHTER
05:43I told you...
05:44OK.
05:45So, I start like that, like...
05:48LAUGHTER
05:48It's disgusting.
05:49And you can never get properly cleaned.
05:52So, on the market, there's this digital brace cleaner that you can get.
05:56In short, Jenny has brought in a dental pod.
06:00Yeah.
06:01I know what she's brought in.
06:03LAUGHTER
06:04Have some fun in the bathroom.
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07OK.
06:08They also are quite expensive, and I haven't treated myself to one.
06:12I thought, if I ask them to get me one on this, I'll go home with it.
06:15LAUGHTER
06:16Even if I don't win.
06:18If I don't win.
06:19Are you going to have to judge this, Greg?
06:21Jenny's definitely helped me out.
06:22Yes.
06:23One point for Jenny and Claire.
06:24LAUGHTER
06:25Two points to May.
06:28Mmm.
06:29Three to Ivo, I think.
06:31Right.
06:31Four to Kyle.
06:33So, Frankie Boyle takes the five points.
06:35With a Ouija board. Frankie Boyle, five points.
06:37APPLAUSE
06:40OK, let's have a proper task.
06:42Yes, I know. I agree.
06:45OK, here is a task right now.
07:02Hello.
07:03Hello, everyone.
07:04Anyone have a seat?
07:07Mmm.
07:09Two chairs, that's a bit ominous.
07:12Oh, I've got a heart.
07:14What's all this about?
07:17LAUGHTER
07:22Invent an imaginary companion.
07:26I do that every day.
07:28Then complete a domestic task with your imaginary companion.
07:32Your imaginary companion must either be much taller or much littler than you.
07:36Most poignant scene wins.
07:39Interesting criteria.
07:40You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now.
07:43Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
07:45Yep.
07:45Who wore the same jacket?
07:49It's really just a dramatic scene with just myself.
07:53How much any story of a 49-year-old man with an imaginary friend is going to have a certain
07:58poignancy.
07:58What are you thinking?
08:00What's that?
08:01It's a poignant.
08:02If I can get a tear out, that's got to be worth a point.
08:05Would I have thought so?
08:06Yeah, OK.
08:07Do I want this fragile, headed, tall bloke, or tiny little, nice little in my pocket?
08:13I've got to keep it in my bra like a pose.
08:16There we go.
08:17It's in there.
08:18Ah.
08:18So, are we off to the kitchen?
08:20Sure.
08:21I'll be in the kitchen.
08:23Are you all right in there?
08:24You're all right in there, are you?
08:25You're all right in there.
08:26Then we're going to go for a little walk to the kitchen.
08:29Come on.
08:29Let's do that.
08:36Tell me about your childhood friend.
08:39What was his name?
08:39Chicago.
08:45What sort of stuff did you in Chicago get up to?
08:47Skateboarding, making up songs.
08:49Do you remember any of them?
08:50All of them started with, I don't know how much.
08:54Oh, no.
09:00It's the most poignant task we've ever had on the show.
09:03Are you ready to see it?
09:03Let's have a look.
09:04All right.
09:05We're going to begin with three real friends called Frankie, Kael and May.
09:09And they're unreal friends who are called Andy, Louie and Salvatore.
09:13Here we go.
09:17Just been cooking some cookies from a little friend, Imaginary Andy.
09:21It's his first day at school today, he's at Imaginary Friends School.
09:24He loves cookies and Andy would do absolutely anything to get his hands on some cookies.
09:30It's a bit late, actually.
09:34Salvatore.
09:36Yeah, here.
09:38It's good, right?
09:42There you go.
09:43Look at us.
09:44Best friends.
09:46Kael, Louie, about to do the washing up.
09:49I'm sorry about my family.
09:51They don't understand what we have.
09:55But since I found you under a toadstool, I've felt like I finally make sense, you know?
10:01So tell me more about your plans for life.
10:05Really?
10:06I've always wanted to see New Zealand too.
10:09It's a long flight.
10:11But I'd look after you, you know I've always got your back.
10:14Forever.
10:15Best friends.
10:21What's that?
10:23Sorry, I can't talk just now.
10:24Yeah, no.
10:25I'm waiting for Andy to come back.
10:27Yeah, he is a little bit late.
10:28Yeah.
10:32I'm just going to put these away, yeah?
10:34Don't you move.
10:36I feel like that soup needs a little more spice.
10:43Salvatore?
10:45Salvatore?
10:52And if we...
10:55Louie?
10:56Louie?
10:58Where did...
10:59Louie?
11:02Oh, he's back.
11:06Where is he?
11:09Andy!
11:12Andy, no!
11:13Andy!
11:15No, Andy!
11:16Oh, Jesus Christ!
11:18Oh, no!
11:19Oh, my God.
11:21Sal.
11:22Babe.
11:24Oh, my God.
11:33Oh, my God.
11:38Oh, no!
11:40Oh, no!
11:42Oh, no!
11:45Oh, no!
11:48I don't want anybody else.
11:52...nobody me amas, como o meu corpo ou meu will, como Sal...
11:59...I love you Sal.
12:05O meu Deus!
12:06Oh my God!
12:09There were a couple of genuinely harrowing moments.
12:13Salvatore...
12:14...boiled to death.
12:17Louie was washed away.
12:18He'll never get to go to New Zealand.
12:22And then Frankie, fucking...
12:26That...
12:28That Jesus Christ was, like, genuinely too much.
12:34I might ask you, why never at any point did you seek to open the oven door?
12:40Choosing to let him carry on burning?
12:45Cheaper than a cremation.
12:49Um, May, heartbreaking.
12:52The only thing that slightly brought me out of the narrative,
12:55...and perhaps moved me away from the great tragedy, just for a beat,
12:58...was the notion that Salvatore used to, and I quote, rock your body.
13:04I'd like more people at funerals to give speeches about how they were going to miss the sex.
13:09LAUGHTER
13:11Now it's time for a biggie with Jenny Eclair.
13:16LAUGHTER
13:17Oh, Eddie, you're so funny.
13:19You make me laugh all the time.
13:21We have such fun together, don't we?
13:24I mean, I know we don't always see eye to eye.
13:27That's not really possible, is it?
13:29Well, you've been really so tall and all that.
13:33This is quite hard and hot work.
13:36Gosh, I could do with a cold drink or something like that.
13:41Hold on.
13:42Ice cream! Oh, Ed! Your head!
13:48Ah!
13:50Ah!
13:54Ah!
13:55Ah!
13:56Ah!
13:57Ah!
13:59Ah!
13:59Ah!
14:01Ah!
14:04Ah!
14:05Ah!
14:05Ah!
14:07Ah!
14:09Ah!
14:13Ah!
14:14Ah!
14:15Ah!
14:15Ah!
14:15Ah!
14:15Ah!
14:16Ah!
14:17Ah!
14:21I'm not sure I've ever felt less moved.
14:27I don't know, I changed my mind to have my little bra friend
14:30and then I don't know what happened
14:33She's suffocated
14:36There's not a court in the land that wouldn't convict you of murder there
14:41Next up, it's Ivo
14:45What could be nicer?
14:48Hot summer's day
14:49couple of lads
14:51cleaning their cars
14:54Make sure you're thorough
14:55Look, really get every bit there, you see?
15:02Oh, it's looking great
15:03I'm so proud of you
15:05I'm so proud of us
15:08Most people wouldn't give their imaginary friend their own set of wheels
15:11And one day we're going to go on the sweetest road trip together
15:18Not in the same car
15:19We're driving side by side
15:22Singing each other songs through our windows
15:26And you'll be so...
15:36What about our road trip?
15:40You teach them to wash their car
15:41And then they just drive off into the sunset without you
15:47If you love something
15:50Set it free
15:58In many ways, more tragic
16:00Because your friend chose to leave you
16:06Yes, I drew on some powerful real experience
16:10Speaks to a certain level of social status, though, doesn't it?
16:13When your imaginary friend has a car
16:18Time to score them
16:19Who's in last place, Greg?
16:20I'm going to give Jenny two points
16:22Oh, thank you
16:22Because I did enjoy the act of beheading
16:26And I'm going to go up to Kyle
16:27It was a poignant set-up
16:29I didn't...
16:30I wasn't as moved at the end
16:32And I can't...
16:33At the back of my head, I think he might have lived
16:37OK, three points to Kyle
16:38May and Ivo, I would probably give four points to
16:41Because when Frankie shouted, Jesus Christ
16:45I actually out loud went, oh, my God
16:48And therefore, he must take the five points
16:50There we go
16:50Well done, Frankie Boyle
16:51Thank you
16:55Let's see a scoreboard, then
16:57All right
16:57Well, he's not won an episode yet
17:00But currently a maximum score of ten
17:02It's Frankie Boyle in the lead
17:03Right
17:08What's next, Alex?
17:10It's time for breakfast
17:12Mmm
17:26Hello
17:28Oh, my favourites
17:30Eggs
17:32Good morning
17:35Hi
17:35There's something funny about an egg
17:39May I?
17:40You may
17:44Efficiently shell an egg
17:45You may not touch any part of any egg
17:48With your hands
17:49I thought it was going to be pretty simple for a while
17:52Yeah
17:54And you may only break the shell of one of the eggs
17:57What does that mean?
17:59Why have I got all these eggs if I'm only doing one egg?
18:02That's a great question
18:04LAUGHTER
18:06Fewest pieces of eggless shell wins
18:08Why is this so confusing?
18:10Fewest pieces of eggless shell
18:12I'm going to go into Phil Crisis here
18:15I just don't understand what's been asked of me
18:16Right
18:17I'm not thick
18:18OK
18:19OK
18:20I'll write that down
18:22So do you understand the task?
18:23Not really, Alex, no
18:25So you've got to get a shell of an egg?
18:27That's about right
18:28You have a maximum of ten minutes
18:30Your time starts now
18:33APPLAUSE
18:36There seemed to be some collective confusion over this task there
18:40Yes, all five of them
18:41Were you surprised that they didn't understand the task?
18:43Completely
18:43Yeah
18:44They couldn't use their hands
18:46They had to peel the egg in as fewer pieces as possible
18:48We gave them a choice of eggs
18:49Because that might be important
18:50It might not
18:50Right that then
18:54APPLAUSE
18:58Here we go
19:00Some of these eggs aren't going to break, are they?
19:02Some of them are not real eggs
19:04OK
19:08Just sort of test the weight
19:09That's quite a sensible thing to do, isn't it?
19:12They all sound real to me
19:14How were they?
19:15All roughly the same weight
19:17That's all right
19:18Fused pieces of eggless shell
19:21Eggless shell
19:22You've taken a shoe off
19:23Yeah
19:25Well, what about if I had a tea towel
19:28And an egg in it
19:30And I wouldn't be touching it with my hands
19:32I'd be touching it with the
19:42Right, OK
19:43Were you aiming for the middle of the egg?
19:45Yes, I was
19:46Can I use a practice egg?
19:48Well, all I can say, Ivo, is that all the information is on the task
19:53So, if I get that egg out
19:56Ah, right
20:00Eggless shell
20:00Yep
20:01How much of a time?
20:02Three minutes and forty-four left
20:04Seriously?
20:05Mm-hmm
20:05Let's get the rest of this out
20:12It's just going to be three pieces
20:13Are you sure?
20:14Yeah
20:21We're definitely keen that you shell an egg
20:22Yeah
20:27That's quite a crunchy bit of egg you're eating
20:28I'm going to stop it
20:33It doesn't feel good, does it?
20:35Putting it in my mouth
20:37Or just a knife
20:40That's a tiny sliver shell
20:47It's turning into so many bits of small shell
20:49I can hear them
20:52That's a nice big bit
20:55Now what are you doing?
20:56Nothing
20:56Just finishing off my egg
21:00Another crunchy bit
21:07Thanks, Jenny
21:08Right
21:09I'm a bit egged out now
21:16Right, first things first, Jenny
21:17Why did you take your shoe off?
21:19I just wondered whether I could do something with a shoelace
21:23I don't know why
21:25I mean, normally, Ivo, I see you as, you know, quite a person of action
21:29You normally think, right, I'll have a go at this
21:31But you just seem lost for a long time
21:33I think the only good thing I did in that ten minutes was keep both of my shoes on
21:39Why did you try to work out the weight of the eggs?
21:41What did you think was going on with the eggs?
21:43Um, well, I don't think even the successful shellers amongst us
21:48Will have provided any answer as to why there were five eggs
21:51Oh, one of them has
21:53Well, several
21:56Me and Jenny
21:59Over in Thick-O-Corner
22:01Jenny and I
22:03LAUGHTER
22:07Thick-O-Corner
22:10Oh, God, Ivo
22:11I can't believe I'm being told off by Jenny for ruining our friendship
22:15And told off by Alex for using bad grammar at the same time
22:18It's really gone badly, hasn't it?
22:21Well, look, I had the slightly sad job of having to count the pieces afterwards
22:24Er, Ivo, 13 pieces of eggshell
22:27Jenny, 20 pieces
22:28And that's not included in the pieces you ate
22:30Yeah, which were many
22:32All right, then it's time for Kael and Frankie
22:35I've got to somehow select the hardest egg
22:39You're looking for a hard egg?
22:40I'm looking for the hardest possible egg
22:57I think this one is up for it
23:01I had an idea
23:02Maybe the hard-boiled egg will sink furthest to the bottom
23:08What's your method, Kael?
23:10Er, pick it up and drop it
23:13That one had a bit of a slower trajectory
23:16What are we learning?
23:18What do people normally use?
23:20To do this?
23:21Yeah, spoon
23:21OK
23:25Or this
23:26And this
23:28Ah
23:31What have you found?
23:32I don't know what that is
23:36Oh, that to me seems quite hard
23:40Go on, get it
23:46Right
23:50I don't really understand how that's happened
23:52So that's the egg you've chosen, is it?
23:54Yeah
23:54This is the moment
24:07There we go, all right
24:14I mean, I don't think I've seen anyone peel an egg this badly
24:19I think I'm smashing this
24:21Is that a pun?
24:23No
24:26Oh, that's better
24:28Well, you know
24:29It kind of came together at the end there
24:32Finished?
24:33Yeah
24:33Tell us about that
24:38Bye-bye
24:46Thank you, did your drop-an-egg-in-the-water system help much?
24:49No
24:50Er, I think I hadn't entirely understood the task
24:54And also, I stopped caring
24:58That's very much true
24:59And, um
25:00Welcome to Thicker Corner
25:02You are welcome
25:05Kyle accidentally found the solution
25:07Which is, you're looking for a raw egg
25:08Because then you can get the egg out in one
25:10So you can make a little hole
25:11And blow the egg out in one
25:12I'm not going to be blowing the egg out
25:14But you nearly did blow the egg out
25:15You did a good job
25:16Using some drawing implements
25:17I did have to count all the little bits
25:19There were six little bits
25:20But that's a lot fewer than Frankie
25:22Who had 83
25:29Here's May's attempt
25:31OK
25:31I'm just going to take my shoes and socks off
25:33Yes, do me too
25:35OK
25:36Are you allowed to put them on the floor for me?
25:38Yeah, OK
25:44It looks like I'm wanking off an egg with my foot
25:46That's a bit
25:47Oh, God, it really does
25:49No, fuck this
25:49OK
25:50OK
25:50And now I'm going to put my mouth on them
25:56Hmm
26:02So would you prefer to work with a boiled egg or an unboiled egg?
26:06Hmm
26:08I'm going to get a pin
26:09And then I'm going to hope it's a raw egg
26:11And I'm going to make a pin size hole
26:16Right?
26:18I'm not sure this is the way
26:23Well, that's a way
26:26You pretty much finished the task
26:30OK, I'm going to get the rest of the egg out
26:34I mean, I don't know why I had my feet and my mouth involved
26:37And I could have used any utensil
26:41Fewest pieces of eggless shell
26:43If I'm being completely honest, there's three
26:46Yeah, I think you should be
26:48I'm done
26:49Yep
26:50Three
26:50Three
27:00Frankie, Frankie, Jenny, Frankie, Frankie
27:03What does that mean?
27:05Well, I presume Jenny's boiled
27:09No, Jenny was the raw one
27:10Yeah, because Frankie
27:12Frankie and Benny
27:14No, what?
27:18Frankie boil
27:19Yeah, that's infuriating
27:28What was the plan when your shoes and socks came off?
27:30Oh, I was going to use my feet to expertly shell it
27:34I don't know
27:36You're going to peel the egg with your toes?
27:37I feel nauseous from watching that
27:39Like, that was
27:40We've all been quite traumatised
27:42Yeah
27:42I don't know if you can tell
27:44But the pin idea was amazing
27:46Oh, the pin idea was amazing
27:47Yeah, yeah
27:48But then, a happy accident, right?
27:49It was a very happy accident
27:51Like Kyle, really
27:52And it worked
27:53Just the three pieces
27:54They've definitely won
27:55Should we just score it and move on?
27:56Let's just agree
27:57It's been the worst
28:00Task
28:00And the worst response to a task
28:02In 15 series
28:04And let's move on
28:05By some distance
28:06By some distance
28:07Yeah
28:09APPLAUSE
28:10AND APPLAUSE
28:13AND APPLAUSE
28:14And yet, Frankie gets a point
28:15Jenny 2, Ivo 3, KL 4
28:16But May Martin, five points
28:18APPLAUSE
28:19You have to be
28:20APPLAUSE
28:22Do I dare ask for another?
28:24Thankfully, we do have
28:25Another one
28:26And I've been busy
28:27Doing a spot of
28:28Vamos lá, vamos lá, vamos lá.
29:19Vamos lá, vamos lá.
29:28Aplausos.
29:30Aplausos.
29:30Aplausos.
29:53Aplausos.
29:57Aplausos.
30:05Aplausos.
30:06Aplausos.
30:19Aplausos.
30:35Aplausos.
30:36Aplausos.
30:47Aplausos.
30:49Aplausos.
30:51Aplausos.
30:57Aplausos.
31:10Aplausos.
31:18Aplausos.
31:21Aplausos.
31:33Aplausos.
31:46Aplausos.
31:52Aplausos.
31:53Aplausos.
31:58Aplausos.
32:09Aplausos.
32:11Aplausos.
32:11Aplausos.
32:11Aplausos.
32:13Aplausos.
32:14Aplausos.
32:43Aplausos.
32:48Aplausos.
32:51Aplausos.
32:52Aplausos.
32:59Aplausos.
33:06Aplausos.
33:07e um copo de salchias e um copo de milho,
33:10e a physically remove them.
33:14Como estávamos, Frankie?
33:16Bem, eu fiz um teste de minha habilidade de bola.
33:20E pensou, é hora de fazer um gold chute.
33:36Estou muito bom.
33:37Você não é muito bom.
33:46Ah!
34:01Come on!
34:03BUZZER
34:07BUZZER
34:10BUZZER
34:12BUZZER
34:12BUZZER
34:16Did you flash the bell? Yeah!
34:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:24What was your plan when you were rolling up the green?
34:27You were sort of pawing at Alex like a cartoon cat.
34:31I thought I could wrestle him to the ground and take his shoes.
34:35BUZZER
34:36I didn't expect to see Funky Boyle creeping across a green
34:40with two swing ball bats.
34:43Swing ball bats or golden snowshoes?
34:48BUZZER
34:49Yeah. Yellow. We all know it's not gold.
34:51It is yellow.
34:52Well, what is gold?
34:54Gold is a deep, lustrous yellow or yellow-brown colour.
34:58That was neither.
34:59Only the fastest and the slowest gets points here.
35:03And it's interesting.
35:04May, of course, 2 minutes 57.
35:05Jenny, 3 minutes 40.
35:07That's not relevant now, Jenny, because...
35:10Frankie, 6 minutes 50 is the slowest.
35:12Kyle, 3 minutes 45.
35:14So, also not relevant.
35:15Other than Frankie one end, May the other,
35:17if we allow the gorgeous golden shoes on Frankie's feet.
35:20We've isolated one player.
35:22Or should I say Ivo-lated?
35:24It's Mr Graham again.
35:26Here we go.
35:30What if it doesn't come back?
35:32You can't live your life like that.
35:48I've got to leave the complex, really.
35:50No, I've got to get the gold shoes.
35:52Ah, OK.
35:53Can I wear those gold shoes?
35:54Thank you very much.
35:55Yes, sir.
35:56Alex will give you his shoes if you do one of the following.
35:59Deposit £100 in his bank account.
36:01Give him a perfect, dippy boiled egg with buttered soldiers
36:05and a glass of milk.
36:06Physically remove them.
36:17Yes, the egg isn't totally submerged.
36:23It's not got long.
36:24Seven minutes.
36:27Oh, this is disgusting.
36:29What I'm doing is disgusting.
36:32If I could, I'd prefer an omelette.
36:34It's cost us another four minutes.
36:38The stench of failure hangs over this task.
36:42Failure and egg.
36:44Two minutes left.
36:46Another big moment now.
36:48Yes.
36:49Beautiful.
36:50Hello.
36:51Hello, Alex.
36:54Ooh.
36:56Lovely.
37:0030 seconds.
37:01I've leered you with a bad egg.
37:16It was my milk.
37:19It's my milk now.
37:27It's my milk now.
37:34LAUGHTER
37:34But I was also seduced by the romance of trying to cook the perfect dippy egg.
37:38It did take him about 17 minutes to boil an egg, but that's in your favour,
37:41because if you're the last person, you get four points.
37:44Yeah.
37:44And he did complete the task with 16 seconds to go.
37:49Really neat stuff, actually.
37:52Well, then.
37:53Well, then.
37:54Well, then.
37:55So it looks like May gets the five and Ivo gets the four.
37:59Right.
37:59But it is worth doing one last check.
38:02Remember, if anything touches the grass other than golden shoes,
38:06you're disqualified.
38:09Your time starts now.
38:16Can I have a look in the bath?
38:17Well, you're not allowed to stand on grass.
38:23Don't step on the...
38:26Ah!
38:27What's happened?
38:28Nothing.
38:45Ivo, you also put the podium on the grass.
38:47Please don't take my four points with three other people getting zero away from me.
38:53The only things that went on the grass that were golden were the shoe over here
38:58and the shoe's over here.
39:01I'm really throwing myself fully behind yellow isn't gold now.
39:05I mean, I would...
39:07What I would say is that if we disqualify Frankie,
39:10then May is both the fastest and the slowest and we'll get nine points.
39:14Oh!
39:18Frankie, I loved your gold shoes.
39:21So everyone's perfectly happy with the golden bats now.
39:25Yeah, I love them.
39:26I'm not.
39:28Sorry, May.
39:29I'm going to allow it.
39:30OK.
39:31Congratulations.
39:32Frankie, you get four points.
39:33May, Martin, another five points.
39:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:38A quick look at the scores.
39:40May's on 16 and Frankie's on 15.
39:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:45Well, will you please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show?
39:49Wow!
39:52APPLAUSE
39:56Who's going to read the task count? Alex?
39:57Ivo Graham is going to read the task count.
40:02Walk around the chairs listening to Greg's story.
40:07Then sit on a chair when you hear a word containing two letter Ls.
40:12If you stop walking or touch a chair incorrectly, you are disqualified.
40:17If you fail to sit on a chair when you hear a word containing two letter Ls,
40:22you are disqualified.
40:24Best listener wins.
40:26So it's basically going to be like musical chairs, but instead of music,
40:29it's going to be Greg reading a story to you.
40:31There are four stories and each story will have a different rule.
40:34So it's dubbed, it's two Ls and the first story.
40:36Oh, man.
40:39Please read the first story and walk when he talks.
40:42The sun was setting.
40:44The light was magical.
40:47And the water lapped to the shore of the lake.
40:51Right, said Greg.
40:53Get your clothes off.
40:55You're going in.
40:56I don't want to, said the scrawny sausage-shaped man.
41:00I need you to retrieve the stone I just threw in, whispered Greg noisily.
41:07It's one of my favourite stones, I think.
41:11And...
41:13So...
41:16Little Alex Horne.
41:18Oh!
41:21LAUGHTER
41:27You did that very badly.
41:30Very, very badly.
41:31He missed.
41:33He missed.
41:37Kyle first struck a chair, so was pretty much disqualified,
41:39and then just walked over to me.
41:42Great.
41:42What's the rule for the next story?
41:44The next story, you should sit down when you hear a word
41:46with a U in it.
41:48Off we go.
41:49Story two.
41:50In the morning, I like to have a pot of coffee and a slice of cake.
41:57Little Alex Horne brings them in when I ring my little bell.
42:02I let him wear his yellow cape if he is a very lucky boy.
42:09LAUGHTER
42:12LAUGHTER
42:14LAUGHTER
42:17Frankie Boyle shoulder barging Jenny Eclair.
42:21LAUGHTER
42:22Are you OK, Jenny?
42:23I can't believe that happened.
42:25Do we want to remove a chair?
42:27Yeah.
42:27LAUGHTER
42:30LAUGHTER
42:31This time, you should sit down when you hear a word
42:35that starts and ends with the same letter.
42:38These are the closing rules.
42:40The taskmaster expects those around him to adhere to at all times.
42:451. The shirt should be tucked in.
42:48Really tucked in.
42:502.
42:52LAUGHTER
42:54I mean, Ivo was following, but there was no words there
42:58that started and ended with the same letter.
43:00We've lost Frankie Boyle.
43:01Frankie, we've lost him.
43:02APPLAUSE
43:03As soon as the Boyle bottom went, mine was swiftly following.
43:08LAUGHTER
43:09This is the final, Greg.
43:11Right, this time, you should sit down when you hear a six-letter word.
43:15Are you ready?
43:16Yes. OK.
43:17I don't remember much about that fateful night.
43:20It was cold.
43:21The moon was full, I know that.
43:24But not an idiot.
43:25And I can't be held responsible for the terrible accident
43:28that happened to little Alex Hall.
43:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:35We have the winner.
43:36Little's got six records.
43:41We've come down here.
43:42We'll see how that's affected the final score.
43:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:52Very good. Well, that was exciting, I thought.
43:56Yes, Kyle was the worst listener.
43:58But the best was Mae Martin with five points,
44:00and that does mean this episode has been won by Mae Martin!
44:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:05Again, 21 points.
44:08There we go.
44:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:12Mae Martin wins.
44:15Please go and back your bathroom booty!
44:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:21What have we learnt today?
44:23If you ever find yourself lying in bed alone
44:26and you get a pleasant feeling that you maybe haven't felt for a long time,
44:29relax, it's good news.
44:31Salvatore lived, and you're about to get your body rocked.
44:36LAUGHTER
44:37Please clap once again for the winner of tonight's show,
44:40it's Mae Martin!
44:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:08MUSIC
45:09MUSIC
45:11MUSIC
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