00:00One of the hardest things women have to learn in marriage
00:01is radical acceptance.
00:03As women have watched my videos
00:04about the different husband archetypes,
00:06the question I keep getting is,
00:08okay, but what do we do about it now?
00:10And the answer is one that you probably don't wanna hear,
00:12but you need to hear it.
00:14And it's that sometimes there is nothing left to fix.
00:17This is your husband.
00:19He might be the laid back one,
00:20the good guy presenting one,
00:22the starter husband who keeps promising change.
00:25You may have already reached the ceiling
00:26of who he is capable of being.
00:29And so often, the more you keep trying to drag him higher
00:32to a higher standard,
00:34the more you're going to burn yourself out.
00:36You have the same conversations,
00:37asking the same things in various ways,
00:40trying to be heard.
00:41And all that happens is you slowly turn into a person
00:44that you don't wanna be.
00:45And when you don't recognize,
00:46you are exhausted, you are resentful,
00:48and angry all the time.
00:50And that is where the radical acceptance
00:52has to come into play.
00:53And it's not because you're lowering your standards
00:55or you're letting shit slide.
00:56It's because in the moment
00:58when you stop lighting yourself on fire,
01:00trying to change someone
01:01who benefits from staying the same,
01:03once you radically accept who he is,
01:06that he will not be an equitable partner,
01:08he will not participate in the way you need him to,
01:10he will not share the mental, emotional,
01:12and relational labor fairly with you,
01:15that next step is self-preservation.
01:17You have to stop over-functioning now.
01:19You have to stop covering for him.
01:21You have to stop trying to hold up
01:23this entire system by yourself.
01:26This is where you are going to have to get comfortable
01:28with letting balls drop.
01:30And this might look like
01:31not planning every single family holiday.
01:33If you don't wanna go to an extended family holiday
01:35because it is a burden that gets placed on you,
01:38you have holidays at home now.
01:40If it looks like managing his relationship with the kids,
01:43stop.
01:43It's okay to let your kids be disappointed in their dad
01:47and for him to feel that disappointment.
01:48You're not reminding him of things
01:51that are his responsibility.
01:52You're not maintaining the relationship
01:55by trying to fix it or make it better
01:57or become more connected.
01:58You start dropping the balls
02:00that you shouldn't be carrying alone.
02:02Your kids do not need a perfect mom.
02:04They need a regulated one, a calm one, and a happy one.
02:07And then from there, you have to make a decision.
02:09You can preserve yourself within this marriage
02:12exactly as it is,
02:13or you can start working on a strategy to get out of it.
Comments