If you’re doing all the emotional, mental, and domestic labor in your relationship, you’re not thriving — you’re surviving for two. This powerful message exposes how society minimizes care labor and why so many people feel overwhelmed, unseen, and unsupported. Let this shift your understanding of love, partnership, and reciprocity.
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00:00If you find yourself in a partnership, you follow the path that you thought you wanted to follow and you join your life with them and you think about the future and this is going to be our family, this is going to be our life, we're doing this together.
00:12If you're there and then you find that you are dragging that person, kicking and screaming to participate in things, the daily things, you're on Google, you're texting your friends, how the fuck do I get them to show up and do things around the house?
00:25They say they're going to do it, they don't. They ask for a list and then they don't check it off. They need reminders. They need to be detailed explanation for everything.
00:34We get in a fight about it. They get defensive or they say, why don't you just hire someone? It's not that hard. Lay off of me. This is going to sound really harsh, but they don't care about your humanity. They don't care about humanity.
00:49The work at the foundation of our society that causes each and every one of us to grow is domestic and care labor.
00:58All of humanity exists because of the skills you need to pay attention to your needs and other people's needs and then respond to that.
01:06To survive, you have to have domestic and care work, period.
01:10So if you are in a relationship with somebody and they expect you to do the work for yourself and for them, the care work, the emotional work, the mental, the domestic labor, they're expecting you to cause yourself to survive and thrive and cause them to survive and thrive.
01:28And they are not invested in you thriving. They don't think that they are responsible for the work of you thriving, wanting to have a good life and wanting to have a relationship and then not doing that work is behaving as if you are entitled to it from someone else.
01:44A big picture. Let's say, oh, my gosh, I had no idea that that is how I was behaving.
01:49Now, you know, the fact that someone may not value domestic care, emotional, mental labor is because society has taught us that those things matter far less than wealth and power.
02:02Failure to see domestic care, mental and physical domestic work as valuable is buying into an oppressive system.
02:11To fail to fail to properly value domestic and care work within your relationships is bringing home the most oppressive aspects of society and playing them out in your home.
02:23Relationships are not about equality or trades or transactions. It is about reciprocity.
02:29They are about a mutual investment in everybody's ability to thrive.
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