00:01Chapelle, Chapelle, Chapelle Jo, Chapelle Jo
00:04Chapelle Jo, Chapelle Jo
00:06Oh!
00:08Ooh-ooh-ooh!
00:10Ooh-ooh-ooh!
00:11Yeah-yeah-yeah!
00:14Let's start the show.
00:19Ladies and gentlemen, James Chapelle!
00:24Whoa!
00:27Hey, hey!
00:30Wow.
00:32Man.
00:35Hey, little guy.
00:38All right.
00:39Thank you so much.
00:40Let's see.
00:41That's a commercial.
00:44The guy Calvin gets a job at a fast food restaurant.
00:47Remember that commercial, though?
00:48The guy Calvin would get a job at a fast food restaurant,
00:50and they act like that's the best thing that can happen
00:52to a guy in the ghetto.
00:53Like, the whole neighborhood's excited.
00:55Like, this is gonna end poverty.
00:58Calvin, you getting this job
00:59is the side post to a new era
01:01in the black community.
01:03Thank you, fast food restaurant.
01:07That's not what it's like to work at a fast food.
01:09People aren't proud of you.
01:11Let's see what would happen to Calvin
01:12if he really had a job in fast food.
01:19Look at that.
01:21Calvin's got a job.
01:22Hey, Calvin.
01:25Way to go, young blood. Way to go.
01:28Wack Arnold's is proud
01:29to give young African Americans
01:31an opportunity to serve their communities,
01:33making them feel responsible
01:34for the welfare of their own environment.
01:37Afternoon, ladies.
01:39Ew, nigga, you smell like french fries.
01:43Wack Arnold's.
01:45Well, see, hold up.
01:47Now, that's just a week into it.
01:49Let's see what happens to Calvin
01:50like three weeks into it.
01:55Well, here you go, Calvin.
01:59My first check.
02:02Thank you, sir.
02:06Wack Arnold's is proud to give young African Americans
02:09an opportunity to serve their communities,
02:12making them feel responsible for the welfare
02:14of their own environment.
02:16Look at that.
02:17Calvin's got a job. Hey, Calvin.
02:20Hey, Miss Hoppin.
02:21Got my first paycheck.
02:22That's good, Calvin. Very good.
02:25Way to go, young blood.
02:26Getting paid, getting paid.
02:29Hey, yo, I heard Calvin got a job.
02:32Man, I'm proud of him.
02:34Let's rob that nigga, man.
02:35Yeah, son.
02:40Pretty rough.
02:43Why don't we check in with Calvin two months later?
02:47Wack Arnold's is proud to give young African Americans
02:50an opportunity to serve their communities,
02:52making them feel responsible for the welfare
02:55of their own environment.
03:00Hey, what's Miss Harvey?
03:01Oh, she died, Calvin, of high cholesterol.
03:05Too much Wack Arnold's.
03:10Damn, Calvin.
03:11You look beat the hell up.
03:14What's up, bra guy?
03:15Punk, bitch.
03:19Corny-ass nigga.
03:20Yo, Calvin.
03:21It's a thin line between fries and shakes.
03:25Okay, part two, part two.
03:26The leanest burger in the world
03:29Could be the meanest burger in the world
03:32If you cook it that way.
03:36I need to stop smoking this shit here, boy.
03:45Hey.
03:47Brought y'all home some dinner from work.
03:50Calvin, you can't keep feeding me and your baby hamburgers
03:52and french fries every goddamn night.
03:54Well, what the hell do you expect me to do?
03:56Nigga, get a real job.
03:57Bitch, Wack Arnold's is giving me an opportunity
03:59to serve my community
04:01and feel responsible for the welfare of my own environment.
04:03Don't give me that trachin' ass bullshit.
04:05I'm under a lot of pressure.
04:07Hey.
04:07Hey, whose gloves are these?
04:09Huh?
04:10Who you fucking, OJ?
04:12What is this?
04:13Well, Calvin, you always working.
04:15Oh, you fucking the furry.
04:17I seen that African lesbian here when I was coming in.
04:19Well, shit, if you was here a little bit more.
04:21Like Arnold's is tearing this family apart.
04:24You know, Miss Harvey, Dad.
04:28Baby.
04:29Baby's crying.
04:32See?
04:33And guess what?
04:35The rib sandwiches come back on Tuesday.
04:37Guess who ain't getting one?
04:38I don't eat pork anyway.
04:40You're damn right you don't eat pork.
04:42Cause I ain't giving you none.
04:43I ain't giving you no hamburgers, no apple pies.
04:45I ain't giving you shit.
04:47Calvin got that on lockdown.
04:49If you want some whack Arnold's, you gots to go through me.
04:52You cut off.
04:53You cut off.
04:55I'm Calvin around here.
04:57You know about me?
04:58Everybody know I got a job.
05:00All right, guys.
05:01We're gonna take a quick commercial break.
05:03Don't go anywhere.
05:04We'll be right back with more Chappelle Show.
05:15Welcome back.
05:19Welcome back, everybody.
05:25Thanks, guys.
05:27You know, last season I had Paul Mooney on the show do a segment called Ask a Black Dude.
05:33And I asked him, I said, Paul, we gotta do that again this year.
05:35He said, oh, I can't do it, homie.
05:38But I'll do you one better.
05:40And he put me on to the hottest psychic ever in the history of the world.
05:46So please, America, make some noise for Paul Mooney as Negro Domus.
05:55What's the meaning of life?
05:56Who is my real father?
05:57Did I ever find a husband?
05:59Am I gonna get sick?
06:00Does God really exist?
06:01For centuries, people have turned to one man for the answer to life's great mysteries.
06:06That man is Negro Domus.
06:10You, sir.
06:13Negro Domus.
06:15What mistakes did Michael Jackson make before he got arrested?
06:19Michael Jackson should have not been a singer.
06:24Michael Jackson should have been a priest.
06:26Then he would have just been transferred.
06:29You, man.
06:32Negro Domus?
06:33Why is President Bush so sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?
06:38Because he has the receipt.
06:41Next question.
06:43Hello.
06:44Hello.
06:44Hello, Negro Domus.
06:46I'm Italian.
06:47And we're giving you a huge kiss, all Italians.
06:50But I wanted to know what will happen with Rosie O'Donnell.
06:56Rosie O'Donnell shall have a sex change.
07:01She will become a man.
07:03And marry Liza Minnelli's husband and beat him.
07:09Thank you very much.
07:13Next.
07:15Hi, Negro Domus.
07:16What will happen to Star Jones on The View?
07:19Star Jones.
07:21I'm getting something.
07:22Star Jones will have two jobs.
07:25First, she'll do The View.
07:27Then she'll take her wig off and do The Weather.
07:30Thank you, Negro Domus.
07:33For centuries, people have turned to one man for the answer to life's great mysteries.
07:39That man is Negro Domus.
07:42That's right.
07:48Y'all remember that comedian, Gallagher?
07:51Yeah.
07:53Pretty corny, right?
07:55He is.
07:56He was a corny dude.
07:57Well, the thing that people don't know about Gallagher, I don't know if you know this or not.
08:01It might just be some comedians know.
08:03He had a twin brother.
08:04Did you know that?
08:06He sold his act to his twin brother.
08:08His twin brother goes on the road as Gallagher, too.
08:12Not making that up.
08:14Here's even a lesser known fact.
08:16His twin brother sold the act to a black guy named Earl Wallingford.
08:23And the black dude went out as black Gallagher.
08:26I have a tape of his special.
08:29It's ridiculous.
08:32Where are the weapons of mass destruction?
08:36That's what I'm talking about.
08:38Osama Bin Laden?
08:39Why don't they call him Osama Bin Laden?
08:48Hope you like my outfit.
08:50The queer guys came by and had an eye for me.
08:58Pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers, orange stars.
09:02That leprechaun's on acid.
09:07He's crazy.
09:10He's crazy.
09:13He's crazy.
09:14He's crazy like me.
09:17Are you ready to smash some fruit?
09:22Can't hear ya?
09:24Yeah?
09:26You wanna smash some fruit?
09:28Yeah?
09:29Yeah!
09:32Well, black Gallagher doesn't go out like no punk bitch with a mallet.
09:41Black Gallagher, bitch!
09:43That's right!
09:49I got warrants.
09:59We're gonna take a quick commercial break.
10:03But don't go anywhere, everybody.
10:05We got more show coming up.
10:07Right after this.
10:14Chappelle's Show.
10:15Chappelle's Show.
10:15Oh!
10:17Hey, gang.
10:21Welcome back to Chappelle's Show.
10:24Up top.
10:25Type of sounds.
10:26Good to see ya.
10:30Man.
10:31This is crazy, man.
10:33Alright.
10:34Last season,
10:35we started the series off
10:37with this sketch about a black white supremacist.
10:40Very controversial.
10:43Yes.
10:44It was very...
10:46It sparked this whole controversy about the appropriateness of the...
10:51the N-word.
10:52The dreaded N-word.
10:53You know, and then when I would travel,
10:56people would come up to me like,
10:57white people would come up to me like,
10:58man, that sketch you did about them niggers,
11:00that was hilarious.
11:04Take it easy.
11:05You know, I was joking around.
11:08You start to realize these sketches
11:10in the wrong hands are dangerous.
11:14You know, and that N-word is a doozy.
11:17Especially for us black folks.
11:18You know, a lot of different feelings come up
11:20when they hear that word.
11:21But I'm thinking,
11:22is it because the black people
11:23actually identify themselves as N-words?
11:25No.
11:26I don't know.
11:27I don't know.
11:27Maybe.
11:28But what if we just used the word for other people?
11:31Would it be so bad?
11:32I don't know.
11:36So I made a sketch.
11:39It's about a white family
11:40whose last name happens to be nigger.
11:43That's all.
11:46Let's see how offensive the word sounds.
11:48Excuse me.
11:49N-I-G-G-A-R
11:51It's the nigger family
11:54We all know
11:56Who they all play
11:57Tim and Emily
12:00Teaching Tim how to ride a bike
12:03These are the niggers that we like
12:05N-I-G-G-A-R
12:08It's the nigger family
12:11It's the nigger family
12:13It's the nigger family
12:22Breakfast is served.
12:23Look, hon.
12:24My sister just had another baby.
12:26Look at this little bundle of joy.
12:28She's got those nigger lips.
12:30I know.
12:31Those things.
12:32Is Tim still asleep?
12:33I think so.
12:35He sure is one lazy nigger.
12:38Good morning, Mom.
12:40Morning, Dad.
12:41Good morning.
12:42You know, Tim.
12:43We're having a dinner party tonight.
12:44I trust you'll be here.
12:45Oh, I can't.
12:46I have my first big date with Jenny Halstead.
12:51Jenny has a date tonight with a nigger boy from school.
12:54What?
12:55Oh, God, no.
12:56No, Teddy.
12:57That's his name.
12:58Timmy nigger.
12:59Oh, of course.
13:01Look at that nigger.
13:02He's a very good athlete and so well-spoken.
13:06That family's going places.
13:07I mean, we're rich.
13:09They're nigger rich.
13:10Oh, Ben.
13:12Morning, niggas.
13:14Wyatt's pushed with our colored milk bag.
13:16And it's my favorite family to deliver milk to.
13:19The niggas.
13:23Something sure smells good.
13:26You niggas cooking?
13:27We sure are.
13:28There's some leftover bacon if you'd like some.
13:31Ooh.
13:31Nothing for me.
13:32I know better than to get between a nigger and their poor.
13:35Might get my fingers bit.
13:39Here you go.
13:41I hate to bother you about this.
13:44But, uh, well, you didn't pay your bill last week.
13:46And I know how forgetful you niggas are when it comes to paying bills.
13:50Golly, Clifton, it slipped my mind.
13:53Here you go.
13:54Sorry about that.
13:55Oh, nigger, please.
13:57Nigger, please.
13:58Well, take care, Mr. Edward.
14:01I have a hot date with the wife tonight.
14:02All right.
14:03Take care.
14:04All right. Peace, nigger.
14:12Nigger.
14:13Nigger.
14:13Niggas.
14:13Niggas.
14:18Niggas!
14:18Stevenson.
14:19Party of four.
14:20Ah, Stevenson, party of four.
14:22Table five, please.
14:24Bon appetit.
14:26Nigger.
14:27Party of two.
14:28Nigger.
14:29Party of two.
14:29Look at here, Jack. Just because we're colored didn't mean we came out here to be disrespected, okay?
14:35Uh, we're the nigger family.
14:37Oh, hi, Clifton.
14:38Oh, well, hello, little nigger.
14:43These are the niggers I was telling you about.
14:46Are you the nigger that broke the bottle over Ronnie's head at the dice game?
14:48No, not that nigger. The nigger from work, the milk crowd.
14:54Oh, okay. Have a nice meal.
14:57I bet you'll get the finest table a nigger's ever got in this restaurant.
15:02Oh, Lord. This racism is killing me inside.
15:15What's your dinner party face on?
15:19Hello.
15:21Well, you must be the wet bags.
15:24It's Sanchez.
15:26Don't call us wet backs, nigger.
15:29We find it offensive.
15:33I'm just kidding. We are the wet backs.
15:37That's right.
15:41Wait till we tell the Jews.
15:44You're one crazy nigger.
15:46G-G-A-R, it's the nigger family, it's the nigger family.
15:58I'm Dave Chappelle, you guys are the best audience in the world.
16:02I'd like to thank you all.
16:03I'd like to thank everybody at home.
16:05And we'll see you next week.
16:11I'm rich, biatch.
16:14Hi, thank you.
16:17You know why a dog licks his balls?
16:21Because they're salty.
16:25French people stink.
16:29They smell like someone's been cooking bologna in their shirt.
16:36The sun is very far away from the earth, people.
16:41But I'm hot.
16:43Give it, brother.
16:44Where you gonna go?
16:49Thanks for having me.
16:50Bye.
16:50Bye.
16:52Bye.
16:52Bye.
16:53Bye.
16:53Bye.
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