Chappelle's Show changed comedy forever ππ₯ Created by and starring Dave Chappelle, this groundbreaking sketch comedy series delivered unforgettable characters, sharp social satire, and some of the most quoted comedy moments in television history. A true comedy classic that remains influential years later.
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FunTranscript
00:19And now, a moment in the life of Little John.
00:25Little John.
00:26Yeah!
00:28I understand you may have fractured your arm.
00:31Yeah!
00:32Let's take a look.
00:34Okay!
00:36Does this hurt?
00:38No.
00:40This?
00:41Not really, no.
00:43This?
00:45No.
00:47What about this?
00:48Yeah!
00:50All right, then.
00:52Do you have your proof of insurance?
00:54What?
00:54Proof of insurance.
00:55What?
00:57Proof of insurance.
00:58What?
00:59Proof of insurance.
01:00Huh?
01:02Proof of insurance.
01:05What?
01:07Proof of insurance.
01:08What?
01:09Proof of insurance.
01:10What?
01:10Proof of insurance.
01:11What?
01:11Proof of insurance.
01:13What?
01:13Proof of insurance.
01:15Yes!
01:16Oh, it's right here.
01:19Now, do you do any recreational drugs?
01:23What?
01:24Do you do any recreational drugs?
01:31That depends, doctor.
01:33What do you define as drugs?
01:36Medication.
01:37No.
01:38Cocaine?
01:39Absolutely not.
01:40Marijuana?
01:41Yes!
01:44Yeah!
01:45Yeah!
01:47What?
01:48Nothing.
01:50What?
01:51Nothing.
01:52Pardon me?
01:53Nothing.
01:54Just writing.
01:55What?
01:56I didn't say anything.
01:57What?
01:58Be done in a second.
01:59Okay!
02:02What?
02:03No, I'm cool.
02:07Okay.
02:07Okay.
02:07You've just watched a moment in the life of Little John.
02:12Dave Chappelle!
02:14Hey!
02:16Hey!
02:18Oh, what's happening here?
02:22What's up, everybody?
02:26Welcome to Chappelle's Show.
02:29Thank you for being here.
02:32Man.
02:35You know, folks, you might have heard me say this publicly many times, but this time I mean it.
02:40I've quit smoking reefer.
02:44No, I'm serious this time, man.
02:45I'm done.
02:46I don't want smoking no more.
02:48Them commercials be working on me, man.
02:50Every time I see them commercials, it just had me feeling bad.
02:53Especially this one.
02:56Let me get my cheddar burger, man.
02:58Hold your horses, man.
02:59It's all hungry.
03:01Are your horses here, y'all?
03:03Let me hold them for you, man.
03:07Let me get my cheddar burger, man.
03:09We've been here a long time.
03:11You all right?
03:17No cheddar for you, man.
03:21Give me a cheddar burger, man.
03:24Man, chill out with that cheddar burger.
03:26Yeah, chill out.
03:27No, it was in your hand the whole time, stupid.
03:30You gotta eat that burger, dude.
03:35Shit.
03:39Marijuana reduces reaction time by 30%.
03:42Turns out it's not so harmless after all.
03:45We killed her, yo!
03:47Come on, man.
03:48We gotta chop her body up and stuff it down the drain, dude.
03:50Let's go!
03:50Let's get the fuck out of here!
03:51Come on, man!
03:52There's people back there!
03:53Shit!
03:58Come on, man.
03:59Let's go, let's go.
04:05If you're a girl under the age of 12 and you're high on marijuana,
04:09don't ride your bike.
04:17I just love the fact that I have a show where you can run over a kid and everyone just
04:22bust out laughing.
04:24Only this show.
04:26Well, folks, here he is, America's favorite, my favorite, Miss Paul Mooney.
04:34And now, Mooney on Movies.
04:37Our first film is Gone with the Wind.
04:40This film is an epic romance centering around Scarlett O'Hara, a damsel in distress during the Civil War.
04:47It is a must-own, must-see movie.
04:50I highly recommend it.
04:51I couldn't agree with you more.
04:52I've actually seen Gone with the Wind 13 times since I was 10 years old.
04:56No kidding.
04:57You must be on crack.
04:58I don't think we've seen the same movie.
05:01I thought Scarlett was a hoe because she went to bed with everybody but Mammy.
05:08I love Mammy.
05:09Mammy was the best.
05:10The best scene in the movie is when Mammy told the white people,
05:13get off my poach, white trash.
05:16I stood and I applauded.
05:18I loved every bit of it.
05:19I liked Mammy, though.
05:20I thought she was great.
05:21I thought she had a great role.
05:22Do you know, in real life, it was Hattie McDaniels.
05:25They wouldn't let Mammy go to the opening.
05:28No, no, Hollywood goes too far.
05:30But she's dead.
05:31But she's dead.
05:32But everybody comes back.
05:33Everybody comes back to get their money.
05:34She came back as Oprah Winfrey to get her money.
05:41Barbershop is a smart comedy about a day in the life of a black barbershop on the south side of
05:46Chicago.
05:46It is owned by Ice Cube and inhabited by a colorful cast of characters who bicker with one another in
05:52various hilarious ways.
05:55Recently, a sequel was made.
05:56You know it's just a front.
05:58They sell drugs out of barbershops.
06:04The Last Samurai centers around Tom Cruise, a Civil War veteran who goes to Japan and teaches the emperor's troops
06:11how to fight.
06:12Mr. Mooney?
06:13No, no.
06:13Another movie that I was offended by.
06:17I mean, Hollywood is crazy.
06:19The Last Samurai starring Tom Cruise.
06:23Mm-hmm.
06:23He's the last samurai?
06:25Mm-hmm.
06:25Give me a break.
06:26That movie was offensive.
06:28I mean, Hollywood is crazy.
06:30At first they had The Mexican with Brad Pitt, and now they've got The Last Samurai with Tom Cruise.
06:35Well, I've written a film.
06:36Maybe they'll produce my film.
06:38The Last Nigga on Earth starring Tom Hanks.
06:41How about that?
06:47We're gonna take a quick commercial break.
06:50Don't go nowhere.
07:00Go ahead.
07:02Welcome back.
07:04Welcome back to Chappelle's Show, everybody.
07:10Man.
07:12Now, has anybody ever seen this thing on ESPN, these poker games now?
07:19Like poker?
07:20I didn't even know poker was a sport.
07:23That's weird, right?
07:25Poker championships.
07:26I didn't know that gambling was so acceptable.
07:29And then I was watching late at night, they have actually like blacks, like black gambling,
07:34like the World Series of Dice.
07:36It's crazy.
07:38I'm serious.
07:39It's crazy.
07:42Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Marcy Projects here in Brooklyn, New York.
07:47Why are we here?
07:49To buy we?
07:50Not this time, Bill.
07:51No, everyone knows we're here for one reason and one reason only.
07:55We're here for the eighth annual World Series of Dice.
08:00Well, that's right, Rob.
08:01Some of the greatest players from around the world have gathered here to compete for the grand prize,
08:05one another's money, and bragging rights for the whole year.
08:08Let's meet them, these kings of click-clack.
08:11From Kansas City, Missouri, legendary shooter, Grits and Gravy.
08:17Grits and Gravy.
08:18Kansas City, Missouri.
08:20Flying in from the Far East is Fyuk Hu, one of the premier dice players in the Eastern Hemisphere.
08:26He has played dice in some of the gulliest of games.
08:29Fyuk Hu.
08:31Konnichiwa, bitches.
08:33Drop the car.
08:34Gravy.
08:35And that's Leonard Washington.
08:37You know, they say, Papa didn't take no mess.
08:40Well, neither does Leonard.
08:42My name is Leonard Washington.
08:43Where I'm from?
08:45Little town called.
08:46None of your goddamn bitches.
08:48Take your dice, bitches.
08:50And finally, from these very projects, local legend, Ashy Larry.
08:56Why do they call him Ashy Larry?
08:59Well, there's your answer.
09:02Ashy Larry.
09:03Marcy Projects.
09:04Marcy, son, what?
09:08Okay.
09:09Larry gets first role.
09:10Let's see what he does.
09:15That man is dry and cool to Kente's ankle.
09:18Come on, let's go.
09:20I stole this money on my girl's purse.
09:22She think I'm out emptying the trash.
09:25Come on.
09:26Come on.
09:27Come on, baby.
09:27I need this.
09:29So what you need is some capstick and a set of trousers.
09:32Those dicey eggs will never buzz and start the game.
09:35All right.
09:35Well, I'm about to go from Ashy to Classy.
09:40Ooh, and just like that, Ashy Larry is eliminated.
09:45She gon' kill me.
09:47She's gon' kill me.
09:48She's gon' kill me.
09:48Larry, what the fuck are you doing?
09:50I was...
09:50Okay, ma'am, I was emptying the trash.
09:51And that bet not be the money out of my goddamn purse.
09:54I was em...
09:54Okay, ma'am, I'm gonna do it now.
09:55Get the shit out of you.
09:56Get the fuck out of here.
09:57Miss, this is what I'm trying to tell you.
09:58I was just taking the trash off.
10:00You mean me?
10:01I was not taking the trash off.
10:03She is gonna fuck him up.
10:05You said it's good.
10:06Okay, Grits and Gravy is up next.
10:09Now, Grits is most known for once rolling 77 sevens in a row at a casino in Las Vegas,
10:15making him a millionaire in the process.
10:18Well, you know, Rob, earlier today we asked him what he did with the money.
10:21Let's take a look.
10:22I bought my mama a car.
10:24I spent the rest on PCP.
10:28Okay, simple enough.
10:29I like his style.
10:30Loves his mother.
10:31Loves PCP.
10:32Grits and Gravy is ready to roll.
10:34Let's see how he does.
10:36Come on.
10:36Put in.
10:37I'm ready.
10:37Put up a shut up.
10:38Time to double up.
10:41Here to take everybody money.
10:44Seven!
10:45Seven!
10:46Seven!
10:47What y'all know about seven?
10:48Pay me.
10:49Boy, you are the goddamn devil.
10:52Put it down there.
10:53Put it down there.
10:53Let's spread this around.
10:55Yeah.
10:55Humble, humble.
10:56All right, you know what?
10:58I'm tired.
10:59I ain't got all day.
11:00I got babies to kiss and bitches to catch.
11:02All in.
11:04All in?
11:07I see you.
11:14And Leonard laying it on thick.
11:16An incredible stare down between Leonard and Grits.
11:20Look at the flaring nostrils.
11:22Makes me want to throw up.
11:25Mm!
11:26Snake off!
11:27Damn!
11:28And just like that, Grits is eliminated.
11:31And when I leave, come together like butt-shades.
11:34And it comes down to these two men.
11:36Leonard Washington and Fyuk Yu.
11:40I want everybody in there!
11:42What the butt-ass men?
11:44This is Rodney!
11:48And almost on cue, the game gets robbed.
11:51Local thug Rodney Quills Dinkins breaking into the Marcy Projects hallway here and telling
11:58us all to get butt-naked.
12:00You know, Bill, dice games get robbed.
12:03It happens all the time.
12:05They very rarely come to a reasonable end.
12:08TV is no different.
12:10What you waiting for, Cool Breeze?
12:13Get a bunk-naked right now!
12:14Get it off, son!
12:15First of all, you better check your tone ring, man.
12:18The only thing you know you're talking to.
12:20Little Washington.
12:22Don't get a butt-naked for nobody.
12:26You want this role, nigga?
12:28You're gonna have to shoot me.
12:32Okay.
12:34This motherfucker has told you, man!
12:38God damn!
12:39And Leonard takes a slug to the leg.
12:42Oh, but I'll tell you something, Rob.
12:43You noticed he shot him below the waist, so it's not attempted murder.
12:47That was very intelligent on both parts.
12:49Quills knows the law.
12:52This is why black people don't have nothin'.
12:54It's just what they want us to do.
12:56Your mother ain't shit.
12:58And just in time, here comes dumbass Ashley Laird.
13:02What the dice?
13:03What the dice?
13:04Yo, give me that money, son.
13:06Go upstairs and put on some lotion!
13:07Right there!
13:09You told me just to empty the trash.
13:12Well, Rob, I gotta admit.
13:13I saw this robbery coming from a mile away, which is why I put my car keys up my ass.
13:18Quick thinking.
13:19Hey, bitch.
13:20Get them goddamn clothes off.
13:22Okay.
13:23Get that money off, get that money off, son!
13:24Okay, okay.
13:25So, on behalf of Bill Burr and Quills, I'm Robert Petkoff saying-
13:29Get that ring off.
13:30Get that ring off, man.
13:31Sorry, honey.
13:32So long from the Marcy Projects and the World Series of Dice.
13:36Hopefully, next year, we'll be able to get all the way through it, but probably not.
13:39Shut the fuck up, man.
13:41Put them cameras in a box!
13:46Whoo!
13:48We're gonna take a quick commercial break.
13:50Don't go anywhere.
13:51We'll be right back with more Chappelle Show.
13:53Hello!
13:58Okay.
13:59Turn on your TV.
14:02What you're going to see?
14:05Hey, welcome back, guys.
14:08Welcome back.
14:10I'm just handling mine.
14:12That's all.
14:13Welcome back to Chappelle Show.
14:15I'm Dave, and I keep it real.
14:17Sometimes, keeping it real can go horribly wrong.
14:20We gotta pick our spots.
14:22it's good to be real sometimes
14:24it's good to be phony sometimes
14:26yes I said it, phony
14:28think I'm this nice in real life
14:30fuck that son
14:32cause I'm on TV
14:35I'm wild
14:37I pull my balls out right now
14:39I don't care
14:40skeet skeet skeet skeet
14:50if you don't believe me
14:52that keeping it real ain't the best thing
14:54then take a look at this
14:56you're watching when keeping it real
14:58goes wrong
15:01Vernon Franklin
15:02was an exceptional young man
15:04he was the valedictorian of his high school
15:06class, won several scholarships
15:08and became the first person
15:10in his family to attend college
15:12he got a good job
15:14and worked 14 hour days
15:156 days a week
15:16quickly becoming the youngest vice president
15:19in the history of the Viacorp Corporation
15:22ending the cycle of violence
15:23and drug addiction
15:24that had plagued his family for generations
15:28the officers of his company
15:30were wrapping up the usual Thursday meeting
15:33in the South Conference Room
15:34when Frank Murphy
15:36the man who had mentored Vernon
15:37made an awkward comment
15:39Vernon
15:41great job buddy
15:42you the man
15:43give me some skin
15:45Vernon got along with all of the people he worked with
15:48which in his heart of hearts
15:50made him feel like an Uncle Tom
15:52though he could have ignored the simple comment
15:55his mentor made
15:56Vernon decided to keep it real
15:58get your motherfucking hand out of my face
16:01you heard me motherfucker
16:02get your hands out of my face
16:04what you think this is man
16:05just shake my hand like a man
16:06I'm gonna give you some five
16:08on the backhand side
16:09with all this crazy job
16:10that's bullshit
16:11you want a little soft shoe
16:13should I juggle some watermelons
16:14for your boss
16:15fuck all that
16:16hey Vernon buddy
16:17get your motherfucking hands off me Frank
16:20play the game
16:21this isn't the Vernon I know
16:23allow me to reintroduce myself
16:24my name is O
16:26you haven't heard that before
16:27I used to beat motherfuckers up
16:31just like you
16:32just for walking around my way
16:33Vernon's buddy
16:34you better sit the fuck down Frank
16:36sit down bitch
16:37Doug like
16:38think he's a game nigga
16:42who's that
16:42today Vernon works at Sonny's Filler
16:45up on Route 80 in New Jersey
16:47he makes 6.45 an hour
16:49and stinks of gasoline
16:51even when he's not at the station
16:52it's as real as it can be
16:56dollar
16:57what I'm gonna get with a dollar
16:58nigga I got kids
16:59and that's real
17:02Vernon Franklin
17:03once a heartwarming story
17:05of perseverance
17:06Wu-Tang
17:08today
17:08a sparkling example
17:10of when keeping it real
17:12goes wrong
17:14we're gonna take a quick
17:16commercial break y'all
17:17we'll be right back
17:19after these messages
17:24the greatest show
17:28tonight's musical
17:29two of Chicago's finest emcees
17:32give it up
17:33for Common
17:34and Kanye West
17:41it's Common Sense
17:42with Kanye West
17:44on the Dave Chappelle show
17:45everybody gotta eat right y'all
17:47it's the food baby
17:48I walked in the crib
17:50got two kids
17:52and my baby mama late
17:53uh oh
17:53uh oh
17:54uh oh
17:55so I had to did
17:56what I had to did
17:57cause I had to give
17:58uh oh
17:59uh oh
18:00uh oh
18:00I'm up all night
18:01getting my money right
18:02into the blue and whites
18:04uh oh
18:04uh oh
18:05now the money coming slow
18:07but at least a nigga knows
18:08slow motion better than
18:09uh oh
18:10uh oh
18:11yo
18:11yo
18:11you love to hear the story
18:13again and again
18:14about these young brothers
18:15from the city
18:16aware
18:17like juice and gin
18:18in the city
18:19we blend
18:19amongst the hustle
18:20titties and skin
18:21fifties and rams
18:22y'all notice free wells
18:24and trucks
18:24this detail
18:25heartless females
18:26that wanna ride in them
18:28felt the south side
18:29venom
18:29and raw highs
18:30and denim
18:30pit mines collide with them
18:32a system that tries victims
18:33we living in
18:34my man in the fast lane
18:35pivoting
18:36on the block
18:37white is selling
18:38like eminem
18:39on the block
18:40it jump off
18:41like kim and them
18:41on the block
18:42it's hot you can feel it
18:43and your skin in there
18:44shorties get the game
18:45with no instructions
18:46to assemble it
18:47eyes bright
18:48it seem like
18:49the fighters dimming them
18:50call my man
18:50cuz I'm like
18:51I'm kin to him
18:52he trying to stay straight
18:53the streets is spinning them
18:54I walked in the crib
18:56got two kids
18:57and my baby mama late
18:58uh oh
18:59uh oh
18:59so I had to did
19:01what I had to did
19:02cause I had to give
19:04yo
19:04yo
19:05yo
19:05I'm up all night
19:06getting my money right
19:08into the blue and whites
19:09bro bro bro bro
19:11now the money coming slow
19:12but at least a nigga
19:13know slow motion better than
19:14no
19:15no
19:16it's all good in the hood
19:17like rats and gyms
19:19throwbacks and tims
19:20blacks and rims
19:22weather on barcourts
19:24the tires of all sorts
19:25we never fall short
19:26with us it's all force
19:28like air ones
19:29some waves
19:30some air guns
19:30the days are the fair one
19:32it's over folk
19:33cats is colder than four below
19:34itself
19:35I go toe to toe
19:36wondering if it's for the
19:37order for the dough
19:38though I know to grow
19:40a nigga gotta learn to let go
19:41though I know the dough
19:42I gotta bring back to the ghetto
19:44arrows on tarot
19:45cars pointing to the grind
19:47full living in more prisons
19:48pointing to my mind
19:49shine the light up
19:50clench my fist tight
19:51holding the writer
19:52freedom fighting
19:53dark gear for the years
19:54to get brighter
19:55situations
19:56and jaws get tighter
19:57my man trying to get
19:59his way to hide
19:59y'all walked in the crib
20:01got two kids
20:02and my baby mama late
20:03uh-oh
20:04uh-oh
20:05uh-oh
20:05so I had to did
20:06what I had to did
20:08cause I had to kid
20:10I'm up all night
20:12getting my money right
20:13until the blue and whites
20:15now the money coming slow
20:17but at least a nigga knows
20:18slow motion better than
20:20sing that shit baby
20:21and yo I
20:23I know I could make it right
20:25if I could just swallow my pride
20:28but I can't run away
20:30or put my gun away
20:32you can't front on me
20:33I
20:34know I can't let it ride
20:37no, no, not tonight
20:39no, I can't run away
20:41or put my gun away
20:42you can't front on me
20:47coming and Kanye
20:49thank you guys for watching
20:51I'll see you next week
20:53I'm out
20:59I'm rich biatch
21:01hi, thank you
21:04get your motherfucking
21:05hands off me, man
21:06you trying to get choked
21:07I seen people shit on the street
21:09cause they ain't got no toy
21:10this isn't the burning eye now
21:14what'd you say?
21:15you think this is a game?
21:17you think this is a fucking game?
21:18oh, oh, oh
21:20oh, oh, oh, oh
21:24rock a fella
21:27oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
21:29now tell me brother
21:31where you gonna go?
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