Chappelle's Show changed comedy forever ππ₯ Created by and starring Dave Chappelle, this groundbreaking sketch comedy series delivered unforgettable characters, sharp social satire, and some of the most quoted comedy moments in television history. A true comedy classic that remains influential years later.
#chappelleshow #davechappelle #comedy #sketchcomedy #comedygold #classiccomedy #funnyclips #tvseries #cultclassic #comedymoments #satire #standupcomedy #comedyshow #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #legendarycomedy #tvclassics #iconicshows #retrohumor #entertainment #comedyfans #laughoutloud #throwbacktv #dailymotion #comedylegend #funnytv #classicseries #popculture #mustwatchcomedy
#chappelleshow #davechappelle #comedy #sketchcomedy #comedygold #classiccomedy #funnyclips #tvseries #cultclassic #comedymoments #satire #standupcomedy #comedyshow #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #legendarycomedy #tvclassics #iconicshows #retrohumor #entertainment #comedyfans #laughoutloud #throwbacktv #dailymotion #comedylegend #funnytv #classicseries #popculture #mustwatchcomedy
Category
πΉ
FunTranscript
00:00.
00:01.
00:01.
00:01.
00:02.
00:02.
00:04.
00:05.
00:05Woo-hoo-hoo!
00:06Woo-hoo-hoo!
00:10Get it!
00:12The cop!
00:15Whoa!
00:17What's up?
00:20What's up, The Cop?
00:23Man.
00:26You know, uh...
00:30You know, it's funny, man.
00:32There's two things that start happening to me a lot.
00:35Now, since I started the second season.
00:37One, like, when I walk down the street,
00:39people always scream stuff out.
00:41Like, I'll be with my kids and people are like,
00:42I'm Rick James, bitch!
00:43The other thing that happens,
00:47which I think is the worst,
00:48is when people come up to me and try to give me ideas
00:51for the show.
00:52Send them shits through the proper channels, alright?
00:55Now, I'm not saying I'm not open.
00:57Just pick your spots.
00:58As a matter of fact, if you knew what was going through my mind
01:00when you pitched me that kind of stuff,
01:02you wouldn't even talk to me.
01:03Because I don't think about anything but
01:05what you're talking about.
01:08For example...
01:08I love you, baby.
01:10Oh, I know you do.
01:11Come here, girl.
01:12Give me some.
01:14Excuse me, I hate to interrupt,
01:15but I just had to say hello.
01:18Hey, man, how you doing?
01:19Is this a bad time?
01:20You kind of caught me in the middle of something.
01:22Cool!
01:23So, I'm sure you get this all the time,
01:24but I have the perfect idea for you.
01:26It's a movie.
01:27Is it cool if I sit down?
01:28This will only take a minute.
01:29I'm Frank Fellman.
01:31You kind of caught me in the wife at a bad time.
01:34It's a love story.
01:35You play an underground street poet named Colt 45.
01:40He's a rebel with a big heart.
01:43He's a loner because his wife has been killed
01:46by the chief financial officer of the company
01:48that she used to work for.
01:50That's a monkey.
01:52That's hilarious.
01:53He's a volunteer veterinarian on Wednesdays.
01:55I wonder what Arsenio's doing right now.
01:58He probably at a wine and cheese party.
02:01Damn!
02:02There's some good-ass cheese!
02:05If they don't tell me how good the cheese is,
02:08he'll be mad.
02:09How come you didn't tell me how good the cheese was?
02:12Motherfucker!
02:13Some good-ass cheese, baby!
02:14What are you looking at?
02:15I was robbing you bank-looking motherfucker.
02:17You should have told me that the cheese was!
02:19I was thinking the villain could be played by Rod Stewart.
02:24Man, I should have been a rapper.
02:25That looked like fun.
02:27How you gonna rip it like this, son?
02:29How you gonna rip it like that, son?
02:31I don't play that because it's action.
02:33But I need a gimmick.
02:35This is a black son.
02:36That's right.
02:36I'm the black sheep, the real black sheep.
02:38I'm the black sheep, the real black sheep.
02:45So, we have this big showdown
02:47at the foot of the social.
02:56My company is willing to offer you $12 million.
02:59$12 million?
03:01Frank, right?
03:03You want something to drink?
03:05Wait, just get this nigga something to drink.
03:06Look, Frank, I don't know if you know them.
03:08You know those skits on Chappelle's show?
03:09I write a lot of them.
03:10And I'm thinking maybe I can give you some ideas
03:12to make Colt a more interesting character.
03:15I would love to hear them.
03:16All right, well, instead of calling Colt 45,
03:18first of all, we gotta change your name.
03:19NASCAR rays.
03:22Unicorns.
03:24Dirty diapers.
03:26Instead of the space shuttle,
03:27you make it right on the steps of Lincoln Memorial.
03:30That's good.
03:31I wonder what my girl thinking about.
03:34You know who I'd love to have sex with?
03:39Who?
03:41Who?
03:43Who?
03:45Who?
03:46Who?
03:47Who?
03:47Who?
03:48Who?
03:48Who?
03:49Who?
03:49Who?
03:49Who?
03:50Who?
03:52Who?
03:53Who?
03:53Who?
03:54I'm going to take foot commercial break, y'all.
03:55Don't go anywhere.
04:11Hello?
04:12Dave, it's Oprah.
04:14Oh.
04:15Hey, what's up, girl?
04:17Look, Dave, I'm pregnant.
04:18Are you sure it's mad?
04:20I'm acredant.
04:21It's yours.
04:22Got ya, bitch.
04:23What?
04:34I'm gonna fly to Chicago tomorrow, okay?
04:38But I'm gonna need you to send me a ticket.
04:40I'll fly you out.
04:41Oh, oh, oh, baby.
04:43Could you have a limousine pick me up at the baggage claim?
04:45Because I don't have no cab money to get from the airport to your house.
04:49Okay, sure thing.
04:50Thanks, boo.
04:51Oprah?
04:53I love you, baby.
04:55I love you, too.
04:57All right.
04:58I'm gonna go to work and tell everybody the good news tomorrow, and I'll see you in Chicago.
05:02Bye-bye.
05:04Hey, everybody, got an announcement to make.
05:06Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
05:08I quit.
05:10Ow.
05:11Kiss my ass.
05:12Everybody, excuse me.
05:14Got a quick word with you.
05:16Uh, kiss my ass.
05:17Can you type a memo of that and send it around?
05:19Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
05:22Ha, ha, ha, ha.
05:26Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
05:27I quit.
05:29Dave, what's gotten into you?
05:31Oh, Sally, it's not what's gotten into me.
05:34It's what's gotten into Oprah.
05:35My seed, son.
05:37Ha, ha, ha, ha.
05:38I'm rich, bitch!
05:40Hey, hey!
05:42You know I never approve this.
05:44Nobody ever listens to me around here!
05:46I'm not dangerous!
05:48At least I wasn't dangerous!
05:54Morgan?
05:55You guys almost forgot.
05:59Remember your spirit.
06:02Ha!
06:04I was afraid.
06:06I'll see you in Chicago!
06:08We're moving on up
06:10Bye, baby.
06:12Have a good day at work.
06:14Try to stay off your feet, boo.
06:17In the sky
06:18We're moving on up
06:21Yeah, that feels...
06:23Hello?
06:25Hey, baby!
06:26How was the show?
06:27Not bad.
06:29Oh, this is Chun-Li.
06:30Chun-Li, this is my baby's mama, Oprah.
06:35Baby.
06:36Hey, baby.
06:37You mind if I get a happy ending?
06:40She didn't say no.
06:45Alright, I'm ready.
06:48I'm home.
06:49Hey, baby.
06:51It's Bruce Lee's brother.
06:53Hello. I love your show.
06:55$7,000 an hour.
06:57Sounds expensive.
06:58But I think the safety of you and our baby are priced.
07:01Alright?
07:01Check this out.
07:03Ah!
07:05Ah!
07:06Get away from Oprah!
07:07Oh!
07:12Hello?
07:13Hey, baby.
07:15How was the show?
07:16Oh!
07:16Oh!
07:17Oh!
07:18Oh!
07:18This is Felicia.
07:19Felicia, this is my baby's mama, Oprah.
07:22Mm.
07:23Be out in a minute, sweetie.
07:24I'm just painting.
07:25Finishing up.
07:30Let me fill this out.
07:34Yeah.
07:36I took my whole life trying to get up that hill.
07:41Marry up in the big me.
07:44I get my turn at that.
07:46Oh, snap!
07:48Hey, everybody.
07:48It's the lady that made it all possible.
07:50Give it up for my baby's mama, Oprah.
07:53Motherfucking Winfrey.
07:54What's happening, baby?
07:55How was the show?
07:56Oh!
07:58Why don't you go ahead and run the bathwater,
07:59and I'll come and put some salt in a minute.
08:01I know your feet probably hurting.
08:03Alright, now.
08:05Alright.
08:06Hey, uh, Steve, you mind pushing the button?
08:07I'm gonna take it from the top.
08:09Beats don't cry in the kitchen.
08:12Beats don't burn on the grill.
08:15Just a whole lot of crying just again.
08:22Hello?
08:24You again?
08:25Look, Stedman, you gonna have to move on, alright?
08:29No.
08:29Fuck that.
08:30I don't care what y'all have.
08:31She's having my baby.
08:33Okay?
08:33So you leave this family alone.
08:36I love her.
08:37Fine.
08:38Whatever, bitch.
08:39How are you doing that on the phone?
08:42Huh?
08:42Baby, it's nobody.
08:43It was for me.
08:45Let's go back in the bath.
08:52Stedman Graham, if you fuck this up for me,
08:56there you go.
08:57Yes!
08:58Yeah!
08:59You did it, boo.
09:00You...
09:01What the fuck?
09:04This nigga look just like Dr. Phil.
09:07Women are smart.
09:08Men are stupid.
09:11Oh, shit!
09:12Oprah, what about our dreams?
09:14Huh?
09:15Sorry, Dave.
09:16What am I gonna do now?
09:17I quit my job!
09:18Shit!
09:24Stedman, we gonna get this bitch.
09:26Huh, Google.
09:30Ha, ha, ha...
09:32Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, he!
09:38Ah!
09:38Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
09:39Oprah! Oprah! Oprah! Oprah!
09:41Oprah! Oprah! Oprah! Oprah!
09:44We'll take a quick commercial break.
09:46Don't go in it.
09:47We'll be right back with more S pes show.
10:01You know, me and my co-writer, producer, creator, a friend of mine, Neil Brennan, we always
10:08have this ongoing discussion.
10:10Every time there's a black celebrity in trouble, Neil's of the belief that I never think he's
10:15guilty. And the reason he thinks that is because I never think they're guilty. It's just how
10:21I roll, man. To me, it's all about reasonable doubt. What's a reasonable doubt to a white
10:26person? You know, might not be a reasonable doubt to a black person. If they had me on
10:30jury selection in some of these celebrity trials, it'd be a long day. A long day.
10:39Mr. Chappell.
10:40Yes?
10:40Are you aware that Mr. Simpson is going to be on trial for a double homicide?
10:44Yeah, I heard about it. It's all bullshit, man. OJ ain't going to kill nobody. He's rich.
10:50But, Mr. Chappell, what if I told you that we had DNA evidence linking Mr. Simpson to the
10:56scene of the crime?
10:57Then I'd have to ask you where you found it.
11:00In his bedroom, at the crime scene, and in his car.
11:04In the car?
11:05Right in his car.
11:07Damn. In the bedroom, too?
11:10In the bedroom.
11:11Damn.
11:13I... Damn.
11:16Then I'd probably just ask you, how'd they find it?
11:20The police found a bloody glove on OJ's property.
11:24Sir, I'm not impressed, all right?
11:27What black man don't have some bloody gloves on his property?
11:30I got one right here. I don't mean I did anything.
11:33Sir, if somebody murdered your family and the police found a bloody glove on OJ's property
11:41and a witness heard strange bangings minutes after the murders...
11:46I'd have to be real confused, because nobody in my family beats for OJ like that.
11:50And we would kill OJ after the first time he beat my sister up.
11:54We'd have whooped his ass, too.
11:55We made real orange juice out of that nigga.
11:57So, you ain't going to find no bloody gloves.
12:00If anything happened, you can quote me, sir.
12:02They would find some bloody gloves at our house.
12:07This was before the...
12:08OJ be dead, nigga. That's real.
12:11Detective Mark Furman was one of the lead detectives on the case.
12:15Furman. It's a racist. It's a racist name.
12:19Furman. What is he? He's a Fuhrer? German?
12:21Furman? German? Sound a little familiar to you?
12:23I'm sorry, sir, but he probably says nigga a lot with a name like that.
12:27I can't comment.
12:29I bet you can't.
12:30But as a person that says nigga a lot, trust me,
12:34that nigga says nigga all the time.
12:37Mr. Chacro, are you suggesting that because one of the detectives
12:43is a possible racist and because there may have been
12:47some minor oversights in the investigation
12:50that it completely lets OJ off the hook?
12:52Exactly, Mundo.
12:53The defense rests there.
12:55Mr. Chappelle.
12:56No further questions.
12:58Will you at least admit that OJ more than likely killed his wife?
13:05Sir, my blackness will not permit me to make a statement like that.
13:10You're dismissed.
13:15Are you aware of the charges that Michael Jackson is currently facing?
13:19Yes, sir.
13:20Uh, and for the record, these charges hurt me the most.
13:24So he's guilty.
13:25Look, man, look.
13:27Michael Jackson has many faces.
13:30None of them look guilty to me.
13:32You gotta look in the eyes, not the noses.
13:35He's been accused of this more than once.
13:37So, some people say the cucumbers taste better pickle.
13:41What?
13:41Huh?
13:42What?
13:43Huh?
13:46What if I told you that the accusers correctly describe Michael's penis to investigators?
13:54Sir, I have never seen Michael's alleged penis,
13:57but I bet you that I could describe it.
14:00All right?
14:00Let me guess.
14:00There's a head, a shaft, some balls, hair, maybe pressed, permed hair, and glitter sprinkled
14:08up.
14:10That is correct.
14:11Well, I don't know.
14:13Come on, dude.
14:14I couldn't pick my own penis out of a lineup, all right?
14:17And me and my penis is like this, son.
14:20What about Michael saying it's okay to have children sleep with him?
14:23That doesn't mean anything.
14:24Man, I'm sure there's plenty of kids that sleep in the bed with their adults all the
14:28time, and nothing happens.
14:30So, do you think Michael Jackson is guilty of the charges against him?
14:34No, man.
14:35He made Thriller.
14:38Thriller.
14:42So, you'd let your children sleep with him?
14:44Fuck no!
14:49Are you aware that Robert Blake is facing a charge of murder?
14:52Oh, yeah.
14:55Verretta did that shit.
14:59Mr. Chappelle, are you aware that Robert Kelly is being charged with child pornography?
15:05Yes, I've heard of such things.
15:08You've seen the video tapes?
15:10Have I seen it?
15:11Like, 80 times.
15:12You know the part where he's waiting for it to come over, and he's looking in the camera
15:15like, uh, uh.
15:17And you think it was Robert Kelly on a tape?
15:21Well, I have to say it was.
15:24So then, you believe he urinated on a 15-year-old girl?
15:28Whoa, hold on, lady.
15:30I didn't say all that.
15:31You know, with these tapes, they can do a lot of things.
15:34For all I know, that piss was digital.
15:36They get crazy with special effects.
15:38Look, look, check this out.
15:42I didn't even just do that.
15:44Did I do that?
15:46That piss was digital.
15:47They'll do crazy stuff with special effects.
15:49What about the girl corroborating the story?
15:52So what?
15:53How much money does this girl stand to make by corroborating this story?
15:57I tell you what, you give me that kind of money,
16:00or Kelly could fart in my dinner tonight.
16:02Pray for it.
16:04So, besides the tape and the girl corroborating the allegations,
16:08what more would it take for you to believe he's guilty?
16:12All right.
16:13If I saw a tape of R. Kelly peeing on a girl
16:16while he was singing piss on me,
16:20and the girl was holding two forms of government ID
16:24while a police officer was there,
16:27like four or five of my buddies and Neil taking notes.
16:32Wow.
16:33I'm not finished.
16:34Anna's grandmother has to be there to confirm his identity.
16:37That's my robber.
16:39Always peeing on people.
16:41Don't forget her hair, robber.
16:43Yes, grandmother.
16:44Mr. Chappelle, isn't that excessive?
16:47No.
16:48No, it's not excessive.
16:50Listen, lady,
16:50the burden of proof is on the state,
16:53on the state.
16:54You have got to prove to me
16:56beyond a reasonable doubt
16:58whether or not this man is a pisser.
17:02Aren't your doubts unreasonable?
17:04No, it's not unreasonable.
17:06Look, we're talking about a justice system
17:08that had 500 people
17:10whose cases were overturned by DNA evidence.
17:13I seen a tape where five cops beat up a nigga,
17:16and they said that they had a reasonable doubt.
17:18I got my doubts, too.
17:19All right?
17:20How come they never found Biggie and Tupac's murder,
17:22but they arrest O.J. the next day?
17:24Nicole Simpson can't rap?
17:25I will judge you.
17:27You are all the men.
17:28This whole bad thing is going on.
17:31It's out of order.
17:32Everybody.
17:34Mr. Chappelle, you're dismissed.
17:37And that's from the heart.
17:42We're going to take a quick commercial break.
17:52Better not bring your kids.
17:55Welcome back, everybody.
17:57Tonight's musical guest is one of my favorite MCs, man,
18:00and was part of one of my favorite groups.
18:02Great solo artists.
18:03Give it up for Wyclef Jean.
18:14Election time is coming.
18:20If I was president, I'd get elected on Friday,
18:27assassinated on Saturday, buried on Sunday.
18:33If I was president, if I was president,
18:39a old man told me, instead of spending billions on the wall,
18:46we can use some of that money in the ghetto.
18:52I know some so poor, when it rains,
18:57that's when they shower, scream and fight the power.
19:02That's when the vulture devour.
19:04If I was president, I'd get elected on Friday,
19:10assassinated on Saturday, married on Sunday.
19:15If I was president, if I was president,
19:22if I was president, if I was president.
19:28But the radio won't play this.
19:31They call it rebel music.
19:34How can you refuse it, children of Moses?
19:39If I was president, I'd get elected on Friday,
19:46assassinated on Saturday, buried on Sunday.
19:53If I was president, I was president.
19:58Tell the children the truth, the truth.
20:02Christopher Columbus didn't discover America.
20:05Tell them the truth, the truth, yeah.
20:09Tell them about Marcus Garvey.
20:11Tell the children the truth, yeah.
20:13The truth.
20:15Tell them about Martin Luther King.
20:17Tell them the truth, the truth.
20:21Tell them about JFK.
20:23I was president.
20:26I was president.
20:28I get elected on Friday,
20:32assassinated on Saturday,
20:35buried on Sunday.
20:38If I was president.
20:41If I was president.
20:44Yeah, that's the truth right there.
20:47I'd like to thank my guest, Wyclef Jean.
20:50I'd like to thank everybody at home for watching.
20:53You guys are the greatest.
20:55May I see you next week.
21:00Congrats, BjΓΆrn.
21:02Hi, thank you.
21:09Good ass cheese, too.
21:12Boy, I'm talking on cheese.
21:17I ate too much of that good ass cheese.
21:23Say yes, fam, mama.
21:24For the camera.
21:25Yes, fam, mama.
21:28Come on, a little bit more.
21:29That's good.
21:30Huh?
21:31You lost?
21:34Take.
Comments